I had my dream again last night. It was another variation of making love to the most beautiful young boy I had ever had the pleasure to meet. I have had similar dreams like this every night, since the day the little 9-year-old had been pulled away from my leg to which he was clinging ever so tightly, sobbing because he didn’t want to leave his grandpa behind all alone.
It broke my heart to see his mother take him away with just a quick apology to me for the scene he was making. I knew it would be hard to do, but I put a brave face on and made sure to hide my emotions until the family had driven away. After they were out of sight, I walked back to my apartment and locked my door, and then finally allowed my emotion to come forward.
You may be asking how I could be so upbeat if I was so broken down. The answer is just plain and simple. I had a longing for the little one that I just lost and he was now on the road with the rest of his family, moving halfway across the country. At the time, I figured the chances of me seeing him again… were slim to none. Even though I eventually knew where they moved to, I dared not try and invite myself. I knew Zacky had my address and even my phone number to help him be able to get over missing me. Even his little brother Oz had tears in his eyes when he said goodbye. He at least had the sense to not throw a tantrum in the parking lot and didn’t have to be dragged off to the car.
As for other ways of staying in touch, I finally joined the computer age. I even learned how to use that Skype thing just so we could keep in contact that way too. With the help of his older sister, who seemed to know a lot more than I would have imagined about computers, I soon had the new laptop I had purchased all set up. With a few quick lessons, I was able to turn it on and off, get on and check the email, even play Solitaire and of course get on that Skype thingamajig. I think her helping me with this tremendous task was, in her own way, saying a special goodbye, complete with a hug and a promise to continue teaching me over Skype before she finally took her seat in the car, on that last fateful day.
Now to be honest, none of this technology or even what Suzy called Snail Mail, really helped me or Zacky. What we really wanted was to feel each other’s love and closeness and with being so far apart, no letter, no phone, and especially no video thing was going to be able to substitute for that and even Zacky understood that. It wasn’t until that night after I went to bed and had my first of many beautiful dreams with Zacky, that I finally realized that I hadn’t lost everything. I might have lost the physical boy, but I still had made so many wonderful memories and experiences with him that it was enough to fuel my brain and give it the power to conjure the spiritual boy.
I know it was a giant leap to even believe that Zacky was also dreaming the same dreams as I was, but maybe a part of him was in a way still dreaming of me. Not in a sexual way, but in the way that a child does for the love he feels for someone like family. In my dreams, they are always filled with a strong bond and connection between us. I know it is the love of two people who want to be together forever. There is never any hurry and at times no sex even involved. It is mostly us just spending time together and seeing where the moment takes us. I guess that is why not every night plays out the same. Some nights he just lays in my arms until he falls asleep and sometimes we stay up late watching goofy TV programs. One time I even allowed him to watch a scary movie with me and held him through it. I rubbed his back every time he got so scared that he jumped in my bed and yelped in fear. I did my best that time to soothe him as he hid his face in my chest and his tears soaked into my shirt. Other times, we had the best sex I can ever imagine, better than even my wife. Zacky’s small tongue is just perfect at reaching into the smallest and most sensitive places and over time has become a great lover. As you can see, I have had months full of wonderful and different types of sexual fantasies with him. Now don’t get me wrong, I have had many fantasies with Zacky over the actual physical year I had with him, but those were fueled by lust.
This particular dream started off with us cuddling. Both of us fully clothed lying on my bed and watching SpongeBob SquarePants. In my dream I actually understood the nonsense humor and laughed along with the giggly little boy. It seems like we lay there forever while I massage my cute blond headed boy’s shoulders as he leans into me. As soon as a commercial comes on he leans his head back so he can look up at me. His now new adult front teeth are fully in place, though he has lost a few other baby teeth recently. In fact it looks like he only has two more to go before he will lose them all and replaced by all adult teeth. Amazingly, the little boy takes perfect care of them under his mother’s strict orders. Due to the fact of his good care of his teeth and his regular check-ups, he has a brilliant white smile, which he flashes at me now. Of course I have to kiss that lovely mouth of his, I bend down and knowing what I am about to do, he opens his mouth enough for me to let my tongue explore the flavors inside as I French kiss him. With some practice, he has even gotten good at this himself and we both share each other’s recent minty mouth washed flavor.
After a long and deep kiss, the commercial is soon over and the cartoon is on once again. Right away we are both laughing at one of the goofy situations that SpongeBob and Patrick get themselves into. As we continue to watch, Zacky stretches out some more and spreads his legs some and even though he doesn’t realize it, I know it is a small sign of what is about to happen. If he were standing, there would never be a ‘tell’ like this from him. I only noticed it by accident one day and after witnessing it several more times, I knew that it happened when he sat down. I wasn’t sure but felt that it was most likely his body somehow telling his muscles to alleviate some of the pressure off his backside and make it easier for him to do his business. I could of course got him up and put him on the toilet, averting a dirty diaper, but then I wouldn’t have as much fun, like shower time. I also was positive that his own family hadn’t ever noticed this and I decided to keep this one secret to myself. I found that this was part of my bonding experience with him, and while in the beginning, it wasn’t something I quite looked forward to, I actually liked cleaning up the little guy now.
To help him along, I start to massage his chest and tummy, which just makes him giggle some more. For the next several minutes, we continue to watch the cartoon. I know that it will be over soon and I wasn’t sure which one would be done first, Zacky or the cartoon. Sure enough, as the last few minutes of the show is playing on TV, I smell the all too familiar smell.
Leaning down I once again kiss my special little guy and then softly ask him, “Zacky Baby, you just went poop and I need you to make sure it is all out, can you do that for Grandpa?” As I stare into his gorgeous blue eyes, he nods his head. “Ok, push real hard to see if you can get any more poop out.”
He knows the game by now and knows why I want him to do this. Placing one of my hands under his bottom to see if he actually produces anything more, I watch him scrunch up his little cute face. It takes a bit and after a few farts I can feel the lump, as I press into his bottom, grow inside his diaper.
He eventually turns to me. “Grandpa I thinks it’s all out?” But the way he says it, I can tell it is more of a question and that he of course isn’t sure.
I know though that he has done a good enough job for what I need him to do. Now other times I have used an enema on him to force him to poop but since everything went naturally tonight, I felt I had no need. In the shower, I would of course spray a little water up into that boy pussy of his to clean it out the best I could without putting him through the pain of a full enema. With him now done, we watch the last few minutes of SpongeBob uninterrupted and get a few more laughs in before the show is over.
“Okay lover boy,” I smile and pat him on the front of his jeans very lightly, where just beneath them I could feel his very bloated diaper. “I think there is one smelly cute little boy who needs his butt cleaned and then to be gobbled up.” I pick him up in my arms as I say this and put my face into his belly, using my nose to push his small t-shirt up and exposing his bellybutton, start pretending to gobble it all up.
Zacky just burst out laughing, “Grandpa, you said you were going to clean my butt first, then gobble me up!” He continued to giggle as I finally stopped attacking his cute little innie bellybutton.
“Okay, let’s get that stinky diaper off your butt and then we will get into the shower. How does that sound to you Squirt?”
I had taken up calling him Squirt originally when we were just alone as I didn’t think his mother would find it all too hilarious. She was after all very over protective of Zacky. It was due to the way he was treated by others in the past and she didn’t want his feelings hurt any more than they had. I of course understood her reasons all too well and even felt the same way. I couldn’t stand the thought of anything bad happening to my boy or anyone of my new adopted family members… for that matter.
It hadn’t been long, only maybe a month or so, that I started calling him ‘Squirt’ as a nickname in private when one day out of the blue he told his mother. For a moment there I thought I was going to be chased out of her apartment, instead, amazingly she found it funny. She wasn’t the only one either, so did his older sister. I guess she found it a nice way to playfully tease her little brother about his diapers and used it quite a lot. It was at least nice that when she used it in front of her friends, the ones who didn’t know already would incorrectly believe that she was teasing Zacky about his size. They would not even consider the fact that there was another meaning to that word entirely. Even Zacky himself who heard me use it with him in such a loving and caring manor never considered that his sister was using it as a way to tease him and he thought she was trying to copy me was all.
As I got up from our shared bed, I picked him up with me. Once I was standing, I moved him into a sitting position so that his padded butt was now in my right arm. He wrapped his arms around my neck and began to give me one serious hickey.
As soon as he had the spot he was working on nice and blood red, he stopped sucking my neck as if he were a hungry vampire and sighed. “Grandpa, I really love you and I like the special times we spend together like this. I want this to last forever; I am happy that I can come back every night and spend this time with you.” He paused for a moment as if he was collecting his thoughts before continuing. “I really miss you down in Texas, I don’t have a lot of friends down there and Mommy is so scared that I am going to get bullied or picked on that she put me in a special school and will hardly let me go anywhere on my own anymore.”
I couldn’t help feeling a little sad right then for my special little guy, I knew that part of him not be able to go out on his own was my fault. “I am going to tell you a secret. I got you something really special for your big 10th birthday,” I told him to cheer him up.
I knew exactly what he would love for his birthday and by God if I had to invite myself, I would be there for it! So far I hadn’t been invited once in the almost year they have been gone now. I knew my boy missed me and I missed him too. I could feel it deep in my soul. The gift was the cutest outfit I have ever seen; I just knew that Zacky would love it. It was a SpongeBob outfit that came with a blue and yellow SpongeBob Hoodie and due to his diaper some nice relax fitting pants to match. They included a pair of Velcro strapped blue and yellow SpongeBob little shoes just a little larger than his size so he would be able to grow into, and wear them over time. I also found a matching light blue heavy plastic and rubber SpongeBob watch; nothing fancy, it was made for an actual child but sturdy and water proof. It took me some time, but I also managed to get something special ordered for him as well, actually, I got a half dozen of them; SpongeBob blue and yellow diaper covers to help contain and hide his diaper better. I even found him a washable SpongeBob swim diaper as well. And the nice thing about it is that it looks like a real swimsuit. This means he no longer has to be embarrassed when going to a pool and possibly being seen with his swim trunks down enough for people to catch a glimpse of his disposable swim diaper like what happened here.
Now for some reason in my dream, I had a changing table like his mom did. Now I don’t know why it is the case, but in my dream unlike with where the boys’ diaper changing table had always been in their room, the one I had now for my Squirt when he visited me was in my bathroom. It doesn’t matter where it is as it serves its purpose like now, once again. I lay the boy on top of its padded surface and start to remove his shirt. This is also part of the game as well. I never start at the pants, always the shirt. Once his shirt is off, he watches with a smile as I remove my own. With us now both shirtless and there in nothing but our pants and what we wear for underwear beneath them, I start to remove my little Squirt’s pants. It doesn’t take much to unbuckle his belt and unsnap the small jeans, then finally unzip the zipper. Then as if I was pulling the tablecloth off a table in a magic trick, I quickly yank his jeans off in one quick motion. This abrupt action of mine leaves him lying there in only his Looney Tunes Pamper size 6 diaper. His mom had recently just upgraded him from the size 5 to the size 6 so they looked a little big on him compared to his old diaper. With him now down to his diaper, he was once again staring at me with that cute smile of his. His attention was on my crotch area and it reminded me that it was my turn now. Smiling back to him, I took off my pants as well, leaving me in a pair of bikini style briefs. All through this, besides staring at me with his cute smile, he lies there and sucks on his favorite thumb. It is amazing (considering how much he sucks that thumb of his) that his perfect teeth haven’t come in all crooked.
“So Squirt, what do you have for me down there tonight?” I ask him in my best voice imitation of SpongeBob’s cranky neighbor Squidward.
At this Zacky burst out in giggles. Amazingly, he has actually been very calm tonight. Now I am not saying I don’t like it when he is inquisitive and hyperactive and very very talkative. In fact, that is one of the things I love about him. It is the side I see the most often, the one where he is bubbly, full of energy and life! I also find these rare calmer sides of him just as stimulating.
The side of him that I hated seeing and was glad that never came to me in the dream was his angry and upset at the world side. A side of him when he was so upset and in personal pain that he felt the only way to deal with it was to lash out at those around him and act inappropriately. Now don’t get me wrong, it never made me despise the boy, but at the moments I saw him in those acts, it reminded me quickly of how young he really still was. I just wish that he didn’t feel the need to resort to something as bad as a tantrum to try and get his way.
As I am getting sidetracked anyway, let me step away from the dream for a moment and I will explain better with an example. It was our very first video chat and Zacky was the first to talk to me but his sister and brother wanted their turn along with their mom as well. When Zacky was asked to let Oz have a chance to speak to me, he just ignored his mom completely and kept on talking. I couldn’t believe it, this wasn’t the Zacky I knew, he would never disobey his mom without at least pleading or begging. He would never just ignore her. It had to be some mistake. He must have been so excited to see me in the first time in over a week that he just didn’t hear her. So when she repeated louder the next time and Oz tried to push his brother out of the way, I was even more shocked when instead of again not answering his mother, he chose to respond by punching his brother in the chest. I was flabbergasted as I then watched my Squirt push his younger brother away from the screen so his smiling face would be right back in front of it. Now I knew personally the way that Oz was growing that this wasn’t going to be so easy for Zacky for much longer. While Zacky had grown a few inches over the last year, Oz had shot up like a weed and now at 7, he was almost as big as his older brother.
It turned out that the kids’ mother didn’t like what she saw at all. Of course I saw what was about to happen and Zacky who was babbling away to me about some boys he met that looked exactly the same, had no clue. I guess he did have a clue but by then it was too late, after his mother had crossed the room and grabbed his ear. The next thing I heard was him yelling and crying over his sore ear and Tammy telling him that he was going to be crying over his sore butt in a minute. Of course that was when it hit, his tantrum and boy was it a big one. He actually tore off his diaper, which was all he and Oz were in. I was so glad it wasn’t messy as I was sure if it had been, that he might have been a dead boy right then. I found out when it was Tammy’s turn to speak that she was getting ready to put them both down for naps, because of this, she had just changed Zacky and put Oz into his diaper since he still wet the bed when he slept. That was the last I saw of Zacky that day. I did hear some painful screaming and Oz informed me that his Mommy was spanking his older brother and I noticed he snickered a little when he said it. I will say this, the next Skype call I had with Zacky was a lot calmer and he was much more polite. He even apologized for his behavior, though I am sure his mom told him to do so.
Anyway, it is these times where I have to witness my beautiful boy, the love of my life, become the child no parent wants to deal with. I know that I would have done the same thing in Tammy’s shoes with my own kids if they had pulled a stunt like that. The thing is, I didn’t look at Zacky as just a kid, but as my lover too and seeing his pain, made me feel that much worse for the boy. I just wanted to reach through the computer screen and scoop up his naked little form as he slammed his fist into the floor and screamed. I wanted so desperately to take him into my arms and cuddle him to me; doing everything I can to soothe all that pain out of my little Squirt.
Anyway, I am sure you would rather hear about the rest of the dream instead of some tantrum, so here goes.
Everything I need to clean and change my little Squirt’s diaper is on the shelf directly underneath the top of the padded diaper changing table, where he is now lying. All I need though is some wipes as I have no intention for now at putting another diaper on him. With the container of wipes ready, I start by removing his diaper, pulling the one tape off at each side, one by one. As the heavy sodden front is pulled forward and exposes my little Squirt’s pricklet, I see that he is ready for our games to begin. Not wanting to drag it out any longer, I get to business. With the cleanest part of his diaper, I quickly remove most of my boy’s substantial bowel movement off of his cute little bum, before attacking the area with a couple of wipes. Now my goal here is not to try and get him perfectly clean, just clean enough, the shower is there to do the rest.
With him taken care of for the moment, I pick him off the table and set him on his feet. He stands there waiting next to me with his thumb still in his mouth and watches as I roll up his diaper into a ball and hand it to him. It is his job to dispose it and starting from the first night of dreams, I found besides having a diaper changing table, I also had a diaper pail type thingy which I found out was called a Diaper Genie. It wasn’t just a plain ole one either; it was the type with an electric motor that seals each diaper as it is placed inside of it. Every time without fail, this seems to amaze him and he giggles joyfully. With child cuteness, he waves goodbye to his diaper as machine eats it. He then looks at me with an expectant smile. I know what he is waiting for and I return his smile as I tease him by slowly pulling my briefs down, releasing my own cock. Now at being just slightly over 6 foot tall, some might have expected for a man my size to have a bigger cock than I did. There were points in my life I was even ashamed of its only five and three quarters rock solid length, that was until I found out through my doctor that my cock was actually larger than the male average size. Was I actually shocked when I heard that! I will say this about my cock not be one of those monstrous sizes and in fact being small like it is, I can play a little more with my little Squirt and be less likely to hurt him when I do fuck his cute little rump at times. And boy do we both enjoy those times!
With us both naked and staring at each other it doesn’t take long for each of us to have a boner. Well, Zacky was popping one when I took his diaper off. Staring at his naked cute little body in front of me, made mine finally come to life. Because of age, mine was a little slower these days at responding to stimuli. Of course Zacky couldn’t even wait for the shower to begin as he just came up to me and started to take my hard cock into his mouth. I knew the longer we stood out here the more of a chance my little Squirt would pee on the floor but what the hell, it was a dream anyway, and he was a great cock sucker!
I felt his little red tongue wash over the slit of my cock and even slightly inside of it, which made me shiver. He then started to work that magic tongue of his around the whole cock head of mine and I almost lost my load right then and there but somehow managed to bring myself back under control and make this experience last a little longer. Now I knew my cock was much bigger than his thumb but I guess with all that thumb sucking, the boy at least knew how to truly suck on something. It only got better when he learned to take more than just my cock head into his mouth and once he learned to eventually to deep throat it, I was in heaven! He could now take every inch of me into his mouth and sucked me like there was no tomorrow, which he now started to do.
“Oh Squirt you are doing such a fucking awesome job. Your mouth is so damn hot and moist. Do you want me to blow it on your face and your body, or do you want to drink Grandpa’s baby liquid tonight?” I asked him.
Knowing he couldn’t speak when he was in this position, we developed a hand signal. It was simple, I would ask him a set of questions and he would pick the answer by holding up the number of fingers to represent his choice. I usually kept the number questions below 3 in order to not make it too hard for him to remember. In this case he held up 2 fingers letting me know he chose option two. He wanted to drink my baby liquid.
There was another thing I never did with him and that was rough sex. He was just too young and way too small for that and so when it came to fucking him or him sucking me, I always let him do all the work. Well when I fuck him, I do the initial penetration, but I do it very slowly by lowering him onto my cock. Then with a little help with me, he raises himself and lowers himself at his own pace onto it. One of these days, when he is a little older and hopefully starts to grow some finally, we might start to do some more of the rougher stuff as he really wants to do it but right now I completely refuse. I know that this sounds weird being that it is just a dream, but that is the way the dream always goes. It is also my own desire to never want to actually hurt Zacky. It also may be a reminder of also what I did, and how I actually did hurt the boy, or at least took advantage of him without his full knowledge of it. I will most likely spend eternity in hell for that but I can’t take back what I did unfortunately. At least there doesn’t seem to be any lasting side effects, his mother did mention that she noticed that his stools were bloody one day though and that did worry me for a while. Luckily she never thought much more than that he might have had a hard stool to pass. It wasn’t long after that when I found out that they had to move and I thought it a good idea not to mess with him anymore in that way. But once again I digress from the dream.
It didn’t take me long to finally climax as I felt my balls throb and my muscles contract as I shot my load deep into Zacky’s throat, pulling out almost all the way now so that he could breathe easier and the remaining jets of my cum could coat his hot tongue and fill the inside of his little mouth. I had been so in cloud nine, I hadn’t even noticed that he did end up making a little puddle of his own on the floor between my legs. Of course his was a light tinge of yellow. Oh well; piss happens!
“Shower time Squirt.” I announce and hand him a rag and point to his puddle. “Can you help Grandpa clean up while I go and get our shower ready?” I ask him, but not in a scolding way, and he nods his head as I head towards the shower.
It only takes a few moments to get the shower the right temp that it won’t burn my little love’s skin but still hot enough to my liking. By the time I have it set up, Zacky is bouncing back to me all happy like and suddenly now filled up with my cum, seems to be on a sugar high as he starts to ask me one question after another about the SpongeBob cartoon we were watching and others we had watched at other times. He is so energetic; I am having a hard time washing him down, which is my favorite part as my hands wash every part of the boy’s body. I don’t use a washcloth at all on him as I want to have that skin on skin contact and feel his smooth body as I glide my soapy hands over it and work in the lather.
Still in his chatter box high, he starts to tell me about his day and how he got to play at the twin’s house. He still finds it funny that they look exactly alike and even though he thinks he knows which one is which, he isn’t quite sure. He did tell me that they talk funny, not in a ha-ha sort of way but they didn’t speak like we did. Sometimes he said it was hard to understand them but he didn’t care because they were his friends, the only ones that would really play with him and they never made fun of him or anything about any of the baby things he sometimes still does. He told me that he has been trying so hard to stop sucking his thumb but sometimes he forgets like earlier today when he was with the twins and he knew they saw him but they never said anything about it. He was afraid what they might think if they ever found out about his diaper though. He was scared that even they would hate him forever if they ever did find out he still didn’t know when he was going potty. He didn’t think he could stand it, if he lost them as his friends.
For my part, I tried to keep up with him as best as I could and every so often would give him advice. For instance, I told him with the twins, that if he was around them as much as he said he was, I bet they already knew about his diaper. Hearing that didn’t help matters and he almost burst out crying. I had to comfort my angel there in the shower and let him know that it sounded like they were his friends still whether they knew or not. No matter what I said though, he wouldn’t take my advice and trust them with his secret. The poor little guy just had too many bad experiences in his life when it came to his diapers.
It turned out that it looked like this was going to be one of those dreams where not much was going to happen beyond getting a blowjob from my little Squirt. As if the dream and whatever or whoever controls it is letting me know that it is almost time for it to be over, I got the signal from Zacky that he was in a hurry to get out of the shower. As much as I didn’t want to rush, I knew that I didn’t have much of a choice at this point. The reason my Squirt gave for the hurry was due to the fact that there was another SpongeBob episode coming on soon and he really didn’t want to miss it. I know that it doesn’t make a lot of sense time wise or that he would even know what the time was, but when has a dream ever had to make sense? So with a little help from my Squirt, I quickly got washed, then turned off the water and grabbed a big fluffy towel that I wrapped around my boy. I then grabbed one for myself and quickly dried down. Then picking up Zacky I brought him over to the changing table once again, and before laying him down to get re-diapered, I dried his little body off. He then held out his arms to be picked up and I hoisted him up onto the table where he laid down and spread out his legs getting ready for his diaper.
Now I knew he wanted to hurry, but I just couldn’t help myself. I looked at that inviting little boy stiffy of his, just begging for some attention. Not even 2 inches in length and about as thick as my pinkie finger, maybe a little thinner, it made me want to just slurp it up. No longer able to stop myself, I do just that. I quickly engulfed his little member and started to suck him. Knowing my little Squirt, he wouldn’t last long before he got his tingles as he called them and then I would throw his diaper on him. The one drawback on sucking off a boy who can’t hold his pee though, is sometimes you find your mouth getting flooded by something you didn’t really want. Due to his small bladder, his output is very little; of course this also means that he pees more often as well. I never scold him as I know it isn’t his fault. I just pray that this isn’t going to be the one time I am forced to swallow and try my best to hold out until he is finished. As soon as his urine stream comes to an end, I quickly spit out his little penis and go looking for someplace to get rid of the mouthful I just got, usually in the nearest sink or trash can I can find. I have gotten into the habit of keeping a bottle of mouthwash always nearby; just to kill any possible bacteria. I am sorry but I am not one of those people who is into drinking someone’s pee and don’t ever intend to. I will say this, at least what he has put out has never been overly strong which means it is at least diluted pretty good, otherwise I would have a hard time even doing this much I am afraid.
I am in luck: instead of peeing, he gets his 'tingles' as his body shakes, his back arches, and I begin to feel his little prick twitch, tickling the roof of my mouth each time. It lasts only a few seconds in total, but it still seems that his dry cum goes on twice as long as my wet one. Oh, what it would be like to be young again! With him finally coming down from his high, I pull off of his now limp tiny noodle and proceed to diaper him. We are soon back in bed, once again cuddling, and singing the SpongeBob SquarePants Song along with the TV. And that was where the dream ended and I awoke to find myself throbbing and exploding in my pajama pants I wore to bed!
Now I know my dreams are almost hyper-realistic, but they are fed not only by my memories and fantasies, but by the occasional event that transpires on our frequent video chats. In fact, he calls me whenever he can sneak online, like when his mom isn't around or otherwise not paying attention. I have even seen him a few times recently, running naked from his mother chasing him with a diaper. That time I actually saw her beat his butt as soon as she caught him, which was pretty much right in front of the camera. It wasn’t that many swats, just enough to make his bum a little red. When he returned he was in his diaper though. He had been talking to me that time and his diaper I guess sprung a leak and suddenly his pants had a long wet streak going down the inside seam and his mother noticed the puddle on the carpet from what I could hear. I was never sure why Zacky didn’t want to be re-diapered. All I could figure was that somebody must have found out his secret and made fun of him about it.
All I can say is that I have sweet memories of that special little boy who came into my life one gloomy day and changed it for the better. If you told me back then that one little boy could make me feel alive and loved again, I would have laughed in your face. For the most part, my experience with children has been with my own, and they haven’t been the best memories of my life. Now I am not saying I was a terrible father, but I guess I just wasn’t the best dad to them. I wasn’t around enough when they were younger due to all the hours of overtime I had to put in, just to keep a roof over our heads and food in their bellies. My wife understood, my sweet Andria, how I so missed her that last year right before I moved.
So with children who grow up and move as far away from you as possible, just to have an excuse to not be able to see you, or just plain outright refuse to come by, which is in the case of my youngest son, I have not had the best viewpoint when it comes to kids. I don’t know how Zacky managed to chisel his way into my stone heart, all I can tell you, he did it almost as soon as I first laid eyes on him. Now don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t sexually in love with Zacky the moment I saw him. I am not really sure what it was about him that actually really grabbed my heart but the first emotions I felt for him were basic and simple ones. Over times these emotions grew into something deeper as I began to really see and feel for the first time since my wife’s death. For now though it was just a strange bonding moment that I never really had with my own sons and regret not having today. Beyond that I still couldn’t really tell you why Zacky and not my own sons could accomplish this.
Whether it was his cute looks, or his bubbly personality, or just his innocent and inquisitive mind that did it, I am not sure. I can tell you this; he made it the best year of my life! Because of that sweet innocent boy, I will have my sexual fantasies fueled for the next several years of my life, maybe even for the rest of it. Who knows, if I am lucky, I won’t be turned away for his 10th birthday. I did by the way buy all those nice gifts for Zacky and I will promise Oz something special for his 10th as well. As for Suzie, I may just give her a gift card or something on her 13th birthday which is also approaching. I really don’t know what young teen girls are into and to be honest, I really would feel embarrassed trying to shop for one. I am sure they would all love to see me again, especially my special little boy. What boy wouldn’t want to see his adoptive Grandpa again?!
You may be wondering how I met Zacky and his family and I guess the easiest way to do that would be to start from the beginning. You see I had some money issues and needed to sell my home and when I finally decided to put it up for sale, I was happy to get enough to not only pay off the mortgage but also a little on top of that to put away for a rainy day as well. I remember when my first issue came up after I sold it. My two eldest children didn’t really give a damn and the only one that seemed to care was my youngest and it was like he was trying to convince me not to sell it, as if he thought that it was his birthright or something.
“Dad, are you sure you want to do this? You lived in that house for the last 27 years, shoot; I grew up in that house! It would be like turning away from the last bit of what we have left of Mom and our past.” my son protested over the phone.
I knew he hated the idea of me selling it but the truth was, he didn’t get a vote in the matter and I wasn’t calling him for his permission. I knew with him being the youngest at 22, he was the one who took it the hardest as when my wife of almost 38 years, his mother, had passed away last year. He had no idea how, after his mother had gotten sick, I had borrowed against the house to cover the hospital bills that insurance refused to pay and now that I was retiring due to cut backs, I would be living on a very small pension until I was old enough to draw social security. Yes I could get another job, but in today’s economy, jobs were not easy to come by and I just was too old and stubborn to work in some fast food joint. So the decision came to sell the house, and find something that I could afford and therefore live more comfortable on my income I had. I also liked the idea of an apartment where I didn’t have to worry about a large lawn to take care of like I currently had or snow to shovel when winter hit.
“I am sorry Jason, but the house is sold already and I have to be out of here by the end of the month. I just called to let you know so you could collect your things you still have here, otherwise, anything here will either be donated or tossed in the garbage.” As I stated this, there was a long pause over the phone. “Jason, are you still there?” I was starting to get more than just a little irritated with my son at this moment and the way he was acting.
“Geez Dad, can’t you get another job somewhere. Your only 59 years old, you should be able to still work!” He stated over the phone kind of rudely.
“I am sorry son, either pick up your shit or don’t.” I was about to slam the phone down when he once again spoke.
“Whatever Dad, I will be by to pick up my things this weekend.” With that, he hung up.
The weekend came, and he brought with him his best friend Greg who had a truck and I guess they had rented one of those U-Haul trailers. The two of them were very efficient, not much was said between any of us. After they loaded everything up, I did try to talk to Jason but he refused to listen and without even saying goodbye, he and his friend drove off!
A few weeks later, with a few friends help, I had most of the stuff in the house, either sold, donated, or sent to the curb. Everything else would be going with me or given away to friends and family over the next couple days. I had also finally found a place in my price range. It was a rent controlled place and surprisingly clean and in good repair. I had signed my lease and would be moving in the following week. I of course tried calling Jason to see if he could help me move but he wouldn’t even take my call.
Due to everyone else being busy, it was up to me to move myself. I was able to get a neighbor’s help to load my furniture onto the U-Haul that I rented, but I really had no idea how I was going to get it off when I got to the apartment. My hope was that maybe, I could pay someone to help me with that, when it came to getting it out of the truck and up to my apartment.
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I had only just started hauling boxes up to my apartment and so far had about five of them lying around in different spots around the spacious 2 bedroom apartment. I had them placed in the rooms based on the writing on the outside of the boxes, which told me what was inside them. I decided to take a break as it was a little warm as summer had only recently started and the June heat was killing me. I went over to the kitchen sink and turned the tap to the coldest setting and let the water run for a few minutes. Once it was as cold as it was going to get, I brought a handful up to my face and used it to wash the sweat from it. Suddenly I heard a noise and spun around and was shocked to find a small boy standing just inside my apartment, staring at me.
I hadn’t thought much about my opened door as I was trying to move my stuff in and didn’t want to have to keep opening and closing it each time I left and came back. But now I wondered if I should have at least closed it now that some little kid I didn’t know had just wandered in like he owned the place. I did have to say this; he was definitely a cute kid. He had short spiky blond hair and a smattering of freckles over his nose. His smile seemed to light up the room and was adorable with his cute dimples. I could see that he was missing his two front teeth but looked to have the beginnings of his new adult teeth just starting to grow in their place. The last facial feature the boy’s eyes were bright blue and looked somewhat even brighter behind his small wire framed glasses he wore.
What made him look cute and more adorable though had to be what he was wearing. What boy could not resist dressing up as his favorite superhero and how many out there were fans of Superman? I knew I had been as a kid. I had grown up watching George Reeves as he smashed through many brick walls and saved Lois and Jimmy, over and over again. So, you can imagine as much as I tried not to, his superman outfit made me smile a little. It included a superman T-shirt and even had a little red cape tied around his neck. What amazed me the most, considering how hot it was that day, was the fact that he was wearing loose jeans instead of shorts. I did notice though they were somewhat dirty and both knees had natural air-conditioning holes in them (AKA torn knees).
As the kid stared at me, I finally found my voice, “Um, can I help you?” I finally asked as I didn’t know what else to say as I didn’t want to be outright rude to the kid; I mean he didn’t look to be older than 6 or 7 years.
“Hi, I’m Zacky, I live next door.” With this, he sticks out his right hand to shake and trying to be polite, I take it in mine and give it a good shake, noticing that as I do, that the thumb is slightly wet.
Still not knowing why this boy has entered my home, I decided it was time to find out. “Zacky, do you always enter other people’s apartments without knocking and waiting for someone to invite you in?” I asked the little boy.
I must have said something to make him upset or feel uncomfortable because he suddenly blushed and stuck the wet thumb into his mouth and started to suck on it. I couldn’t help feeling bad for the child at the same time thinking how cute he was. It brought back old memories of my own children, but they had given up thumb sucking way before Zacky’s age. I think my youngest was the one who was the longest hold out on that and he finally stopped at 5 when he got made fun of so much for it by his classmates that he no longer needed that comfort. It was obvious that Zacky either had no such issues or didn’t care what others thought.
I decided to try and make it right and comfort him. “I am sorry Zacky; I didn’t mean to upset you. I just really want to know why I have a cute little boy such as yourself in my apartment.” This seems to do the trick as he pulls out his thumb and smiles at me.
Then as if he remembers something, he says, “Mommy told me to come and tell you that she saw you moving in and that to ask if you needed any help. She said if you did, that she could help you and that me and my brother could too. My brother Ozzy can’t do much because he is still too little, but I’m strong!” At this, he flexes his right arm and then pats his elbow as if that were his muscle. “See,” he smiles. “I’m real strong and can help you bring in things.” He states in an innocent and bubbly way that I can’t help but laugh at, which just causes Zacky to start giggling as well.
I don’t know why or how this kid was doing it to me, somehow just his giggle was making me almost fall in love with him. I would never tell anyone this, but when I was a kid myself, I used to fool around with other boys in my neighborhood. As I got older, I realized that I didn’t care so much for the boys my age but the boys that were the age that I was when I started to fool around. I knew that this was wrong and over the years I learned to bury this desire. I wasn’t gay, I was definitely straight and did love my wife and when I had my first son, many might have thought those old desires might have come back, but they never did. I guess when it came to my own children, I just never thought of them in that way. Now over all these years, this little boy, had awoken something in me that I had hoped would never come back. Then again, I may just be overreacting as so far the only real emotions I felt for the boy, was a close wanting to be his friend. A bond of a special close relationship, but it was also something that could grow into something more and that scared me.
Trying my best to keep in control of myself, I smiled at Zacky and told him, “Go and tell your mommy that I would sure love the help.” Zacky gave me a big gapped tooth smile and took off, leaving me to wonder if I was making the biggest mistake of my life.
I didn’t have much time to think about it before Zacky had returned. I could tell he was excited, not only from the way he was jumping all around my apartment, but also how fast and lively he chattered.
“Mommy says she will be right over just after she puts my little brother down for a nap because he gets cranky if he doesn’t get his nap and Mommy wants him to not be cranky so it will just be just a minute before she will be over and Sissy would be here if she could but she is at camp right now so she won’t be back for… oh… I don’t remember when but Mommy does and she can tell you when she gets here.” Zacky gushed in one long excited sentence and without even taking a breath.
“Whoa there kid, you need to slow down there and breathe a little.” I smiled and chuckled at the same time.
Since we were waiting for his Mom, I decided to open a few of the boxes that were for the kitchen and put things away. Zacky was full of energy and alternated from running around the front of my opened kitchen and dining living room area pretending he was superman flying all over rescuing people and coming over next to me, watching as best as he could as I put stuff where it belongs. I could tell right away that he was a very inquisitive boy as he would get right up close and look at everything I was doing and ask me a bunch of questions. Of course due to his height of just a couple inches shy of 4 foot, he couldn’t see too much at times. I decided to help him out so he could see better and wouldn’t be in the way as much.
“Up up and away.” I sang out as I lifted him from the floor under his arms; easily picking his light body up, which couldn’t have weighed much over 40 pounds, and sat him on the counter. “There you go Superman, now you can use your Supervision to see everything I am doing” I joked and he giggled in return.
As his bottom made contact with my counter, I couldn’t help but notice a distinct earthy odor suddenly released and wondered if my young house guest had been so excited that he might have messed his pants. I found it a little strange that a kid his age would just go like that in his pants instead of using the toilet. I knew from him already telling me that he lived in the apartment next to mine, so he could have just went home real quick if needed. Not knowing how to handle such a situation, I decided it best to leave it to his mother when she got here and figured I could live with the smell for a few minutes.
As I continued to work, Zacky continued to talk non-stop and in between some of the childish stuff that I truly had no understanding of what he was talking about, I occasionally learned a few tidbits about him and his family. I learned that he recently had a birthday, it turns out he was a June baby and he was now 8 years old. His little brother Ozzy was almost 6 years old and his older sister whom for some reason he just referred to as Sissy, was 11 and always cranky.
I was just finishing the 2nd box when I heard someone knocking on my open door and I assumed it must be Zacky’s mother. Seeing that my hands were full and the door was already opened, I was just about to just tell the person to come on in and enter. I just hoped it was his mother and not some creep or somebody who happened to see an easy place to rob, but before I could say anything, Zacky beat me to the punch.
“Come in Mommy, we are in the kitchen. He flew me up on the counter and now I am watching him put away some dishes.” He yelled out to whoever was outside my door.
I will tell you this; I was not expecting such a youthful and good looking woman to enter my apartment right then. Don’t tell me why I had expected Zacky’s mom to be some poor heavy slob of a woman who probably didn’t give a damn for her kids. I guess I was use to stereotyping and just figured such a tot like Zacky must have had a woman like I had pictured in my mind. Then again, would such a woman have ever offered to help me unload my things? To be honest, I wasn’t really sure if that wasn’t more in Zacky’s mind though and just his way to bother me.
“I hope my son hasn’t been too much of a problem.” She smiled at me as she glanced at her son and gave him a serious look that I took as that he better been behaving.
“I been good Mommy. Promise!” At this he used his right pointer finger to cross his heart.
I walked over to her and introduced myself. “My name is Kirk Ryder and I really appreciate any help you can give me, but I don’t want to take you away from your child if you just put him down for a nap.” I introduced myself and explained right away to make sure she didn’t feel like she had to do this.
“Oh don’t worry about Ozzy, he sleeps like the dead. Once he is out, nothing can wake that kid until he has his nap in. I always put the boys down for a nap if they get cranky and it always does them both a wonder.” At this she once again gave that same look at her son.
“Mommy, don’t tell him that, it makes me sound like a baby!” my stinky little house guest pouted.
I watched the woman chuckle a little at this and again focus her attention on me. “It is nice to meet you Mr. Ryder. My name is Mommy…” and again she chuckled. “…but you can go ahead and call me Tammy, Tammy Mercy that is.” Like her son she offered me her right hand to shake which I did but with a gentler touch.
I could see that I was going to like this woman and possibly her whole family if they all had her good sense of humor and whit. If the other 2 kids had Zacky’s exuberance in life and cuteness, it would definitely be a plus. I know Zacky had described his older sister in an unfavorable light but I figured it was just a younger brother’s view point of his older sister who just was getting to the age of wanting to have some time to herself without her little brothers hanging all over her.
“By the way, I wasn’t sure how to handle it as I didn’t want to embarrass the boy,” I started to whisper to Tammy so that where Zacky was sitting, he couldn’t hear us. “But I think he messed his britches. I figured I would just wait and let you know.” I finished.
It seemed what I said hadn’t fazed her one bit as she replied, “Oh, he will be okay until we help you unload everything.”
I was totally shocked as I heard her say this as I couldn’t understand what mother would allow her son to walk around in messy pants. Still, he wasn’t my child and it wasn’t my place to get involved in how she parented him. Maybe this was her way of punishing him for messing them in the first place for all I knew. For now I decided to focus on what they came here for and that was to help me move my stuff still in the truck downstairs and into the apartment.
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It took us over an hour, but we managed to get the truck unloaded. The boxes of course were easy and like Zacky said, he tried his best to help but most of the stuff was just too heavy for the little guy. In the end he mostly just zoomed around in his red cape pretending he was superman as Tammy and I carried the stuff in.
Now I hadn’t really expected Tammy to help me with all my furniture as I thought that was asking way too much for a woman to help me carry my heavy stuff up 2 flight of stairs, but she insisted. I have to say that I appreciated her help quite a lot and offered to pay her after we dropped the last thing off, my couch, in my apartment.
“Please, no need to pay me, I know how hard it is to move into this place by yourself without help and not one person was willing to lift a finger to help me. Just imagine having 2 kids screaming and crying and another that was still too little to do anything in the helping department. That was why I couldn’t let you do all that by yourself when I saw you out there by yourself. You reminded me too much of my dad.” She stated.
“Ouch!” I thought to myself.
She had to be the one to remind me how old I was. She was about my oldest son’s age and he would be 30 next year. My eldest was my daughter and she was 36 going on 37. So far my daughter’s career has kept her from any serious relationships, and has decided that she will not have children until she finds the right man. At the rate she is going though, I have a feeling it will be too late by the time she does, if that ever does happen. As for my oldest boy, he is married but they recently found out that they can’t conceive, this of course has hurt my son a lot and they have considered the adoption option, but due to the expense and the waiting list, they are not sure if they will be able to ever have that route available for them. That only leaves my youngest to carry on our family name and to give me grandchildren, but I have a sneaking suspicion that will never happen. Let’s just say that I have a belief that there is more than just a casual friendship going on between Jason and his friend Greg.
“Well I really do appreciate all the help you and Zacky gave me.” As I say this, Zacky stops in his tracks next to me and beams me with one of those cute gapped tooth smiles of his and I rub his spiky blond head. “I guess I need to go and take the U-Haul back and pick up my car before it gets too much later. I don’t want to end up paying another days rent on it if I can keep from doing so,” I state as I grab the keys for it and my own keys.
As we all step out of my apartment, I lock the door behind us and before I can leave Zacky stops me. “Mommy, can I go with Mr. Ryder while he drops off the truck?” he asks in almost a pleading voice.
I wasn’t sure what to say about this as I was kind of torn here. I knew it was definitely inappropriate for this boy to just go off with a strange man his mother and he just met and also with my strong feelings for him, I wasn’t sure if it was the best idea to be around him too much, and certainly not when his mother wasn’t around. On the other hand, that last reason was exactly the reason I would have wanted to take him with me. I of course expected Tammy to say no to this and she did give Zacky a weird and concerned look as if she was trying to figure out what to say.
I guess she decided what to say as she finally spoke up, “Zacky, I am sure you bothered Mr. Ryder enough today. Why don’t you go inside and watch some cartoons?” she suggested but Zacky didn’t budge.
“But Mommy pleaaaasssseeee?!” And he really drug out that please as he begged his mom. He then turned to me; I guess he thought I would help him. “I promise I be good.” I almost chuckled when I heard him speak as almost as if he was younger than his 8 years of age by forgetting to say the word ‘WILL’ between I and be.
I could see Tammy was starting to get flustered and I was afraid she might get angry at the little kid who just seemed to want to be friendly. Or was it something more? I did notice that as Zacky was talking to me and telling me all about his family, he never mentioned a father figure. I wondered if this was the reason he was so interested in talking to me, or if he was really just that friendly.
I decided to make a quick decision and come to his aid but I knew in the end it would still be up to Tammy and I wouldn’t try to change her mind if she said no. “Well Mrs. Mercy… ”
“Please call me Tammy,” she reminded me.
“Sorry. Tammy, I don’t want to really get involved here, but if the only reason you don’t want to let him come along is to protect me from your energetic son… ” And at this I outright laughed a little before continuing “…it is okay with me. He has actually been quite a refreshing joy to be around today and has a very bright spirit that actually makes me feel a lot younger,” I explained to her.
I could tell that she was softening up now and when she sighed, I knew then that Zacky was going to get his wish. I just wasn’t expecting what was to happen next though. When Tammy walked up to her son and lowered his jeans right there in the hallway, I was about blown away when I saw that the boy was not wearing the expected colorful Underoos that kids his age wore, but instead a very bloated baby diaper!
“Mommy! Why you did that?!” Zacky wailed, trying to pull up his jeans hurriedly.
“Zacky baby, you are soaked. Before you go anywhere, let’s get you out of this dirty diaper and into a clean one so that you don’t leak all over Mr. Ryder’s car.” She then picked up her son, his jeans not quite all the way up, and walked over to her apartment door and unlocked it. As she entered she waved me in. “Take a seat, this will take a few moments.” She then disappeared down the hall and into one of the rooms.
It wasn’t long before Zacky reappeared, zooming out of the room, running up to me and crawling right into my lap. I was shocked that this little bundle of energy was so open and trusting in people like he was. I couldn’t help but think what he might do if he just happened to trust the wrong person one day, his mother might never see him again. His mother still hadn’t come out so I decided before taking off with her child, I better wait until she did and get the official okay to take him with me.
“You saw me in my diaper and you didn’t laugh at me?” He asked in a very puzzled way as if he was used to that very thing.
To be honest, I was still quite shocked by all of that and didn’t quite understand why his mother would have done that in front of me. Not wanting to sound that way in front of Zacky or even possibly in any way hurtful since it seemed as if this must be how he had expected me to react and was grateful that I hadn’t, I did my best to hide all of that and kept a neutral face on me for the time being.
Tammy returned to the living room about then and seemed surprised that we were still there. “I thought you boys would be taking the truck back by now.” She stated.
“I am sorry Tammy, I didn’t think it would be right to just take off until you came back out and I wasn’t quite sure if you had even given Zacky permission to go.” I explained to her. “So I was just sitting here and the little guy hopped up in my lap and we have been waiting for you to come back out since.”
“Oh, I wished I known, I got caught up trying to straighten up the boys room. If I had known you were waiting for me I would have come back out here.” She explained.
“Well if it is okay with you then, we will be taking off. It should take about 45 minutes at the most, 30 minutes if we are lucky.” I told her as I got up and set Zacky on his feet.
“That would be nice, take your time. To be honest Zacky can be quite a handful at times and I definitely could use a nice long bath. If the door is still locked when you get back, it means I am still in the tub. You wouldn’t mind keeping him over at your place until I get out would you?” She asked then added, “If you do, I will make you the best spaghetti and meatball dinner you ever had.”
Before I could even say anything, Zacky suddenly shouted in joy, “YEAH SGETTI!”
“Hush Zacky, you might wake up your brother!” She quietly snapped at him and I found this a little weird as I could have sworn that she had said earlier that he could sleep like the living dead, then again, he had been down for his nap for over an hour now and I wasn’t sure how long the kid normally slept for.
I agree to her offer and as we are about to take off she stops me. “Like I said, I may be a while; you wouldn’t mind dealing with Zacky’s… well… his special needs in case he needs to be changed.” She doesn’t even wait for me to answer her and goes back to the room she had been in a few minutes earlier, from what I figured had to be her sons’ room.
I wasn’t quite sure what I now gotten myself into. Yes the boy was cute and a little precocious, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to change a diaper right now. I couldn’t even remember if I ever changed any of my own kids’ diapers let alone someone else’s kid. I knew one thing was for sure, if I was going to get stuck on diaper duty, I hoped that he was done for now with the messing end of things as I wasn’t prepared to deal with that. A wet diaper would be bad enough to deal with. Best hope was that his current diaper would hold out until she was done with her bath.
As I was starting to expect, when she returned, she had a bag that was a very obvious diaper bag. It was very much like one that my wife had hauled all around with us when our kids were young. Without even thinking I took the offending bag from her and slung it over my shoulder, and then as I started to walk out the door Zacky slipped his small hand into mine and his thumb back into his mouth. I had a feeling that Tammy was grateful for this short break as soon as we walked out the door and she waved good bye to her young son. I could clearly hear it when she closed the door and engaged the locks before we even made it to the stairwell.