Date: Fri, 21 Feb 2003 16:43:57 -0800 (PST) From: No Label Subject: Donny - Chapter 25 This story may contain descriptions of homosexual acts and may be illegal where you live. Download and possess at your own risk. This particular chapter also deals with teenage suicide, so if that is not your cup of tea then don't read this chapter. This story is completely fictional. However, teenage suicide is real and ocurrs all too often. If you wish to change this fact then contact the organization in your state that deals with suicide, usually the Mental Health Department, and ask for Gatekeeper training. The program is found in almost every U.S. state, Canada, U.K., Australia, and New Zealand. A google search will provide plenty of information using the search words "gatekeeper & teen & counseling". Please do not reproduce this story without my permission. The information contained in the last two parts of this saga took a lot of time to research and digest, but none of it would have been possible without the patient and intelligent help of my editor,, The Alienist, so give him a hug for me the next time you see him. Chapter 25 My hold on Dad's arm tightened, and my legs started to feel like rubber. Doctor Bob was watching us closely. "Both of you sit down, now." Dad pull a chair out from the table and sat. I wouldn't let go of him, so I sat in his lap. I could see the pain I was feeling reflected in Dad's grey face. "Listen to me, both of you. Listen!" Doctor Bob crashed his hand down on the table top. That got our attention. "Listen to me. This is not your fault. Nobody saw this coming. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. Deke did this to himself, and you didn't help him. Do I make myself clear? You could not have stopped this. You could not have prevented this. This is not your fault." Dad was the first to say, "But..." "But nothing. Listen to what I have to say. This is not your fault. You could not have prevented this. You did not know that Deke was going to do this, so there was nothing you could have done." Doctor Bob's tone softened. "I know that right now you are thinking if I had done this, or if I had done that then Deke wouldn't have done what he did, but you are wrong. Deke was a lot more disturbed than any of us knew. Hell, Buddy and I are trained to look for the signs and we didn't see them. So how can you two expect to know what was going on in Deke's head?" I was getting pissed. "But I was his friend. I should have known. I should have known." "How could you have known? Did Deke tell you what he was planning to do? Did he tell you he had a gun? Did he even tell you he was leaving to go home?" "Well, no." "How long have you really known Deke? I mean, more than just saying hello at school. Was it before you came here to stay?" "Well, no." "Then why do you think you should have known without him flat out telling you that he was going to kill himself? Did you think he was going to kill himself?" "No, of course not. But..." "No Donny. No buts. You did not know him long enough, or well enough to see the signs. Like I said, I know the signs and I didn't see them, mostly for the same reasons as you, I didn't know him well enough." Dad spoke, "But if he hadn't been removed..." "No Tom. That was not the thing that caused Deke to do this. It had probably been building for years." "But it could have been the trigger." "Again, no. Not from what I understand happened that night, or from what I read in this letter. Deke found refuge here, and he understood that. But he thought he couldn't return here once he left because the environment he grew up in wouldn't let him believe that he could. When his return home was rejected by his parents, he couldn't accept the idea that he could return anywhere. So he took the only option he felt he had, and it was an easy one." "So, so how should we feel?" I started to cry, thinking that Doctor Bob was telling me that I wasn't supposed to feel bad about Deke. "He was your friend, Donny. Feel sad, miss him, grieve for him, cry for him. But don't take responsibility for him. And the same goes for you too, Tom." "But what if he had told me what he was going to do?" I felt a little better from Doctor Bob's words, but there must have been something I could have done. "Then you would have told your dad, or me, or some else who could have intervened. But he didn't, and that is not your fault. Donny, it's okay to feel bad about what happened. Get pissed, cry, yell and scream, whatever, but don't think that you could have stopped him." Color was starting to return to Dad's face, but he still looked very sad. "Bob, you said something about it being easy, what Deke did. How can anything like this be easy?" "Because Deke had easy access to the most lethal means you can use to kill yourself. Seven out of ten teenage suicides are by gun, and the easier the access the greater probability of success. Having a gun in the house around a suicidal teen is an open invitation for him to attempt to end his life. An article in the Journal of the American Medical Association stated that the odds that potentially suicidal adolescents will kill themselves go up 75 fold when a gun is kept in the house." "Wow. I didn't know." "Yeah, most don't even think about it. But it is so prevelent that having a gun in the house is considered a major risk factor for suicide. One of the top three." "Oh. What are the other two?" "Top of the list is the sudden or recent loss of a significant relationship such as spouse, parent, boyfriend or girlfriend, anyone that has a significant role in your life. The next factor is a history of suicide, either in the family, with close friends, or previous attempts." "I can see where losing someone close could make you suicidal, but why would a family history of suicide increase the odds?" "The idea of suicide is already implanted into their conscience as a way to escape problems. Each person reacts differently to stressful stimuli, but most will not think of killing themselves as an option unless they know of some else who has committed suicide." "What are some other factors?" "Thoughts about suicide, fascination with death, alchohol and drugs, long term depression, interpersonal conflicts, even school performance are all causes of or factors in teeanage suicide." Doctor Bob was getting me thinking about what Deke and I did together over the last couple weeks and if any of these signs were there. But I didn't even know about the gun. Maybe Doctor Bob was right, and I couldn't have known. I could tell that Dad was thinking hard too. "So which factors happened here?" "Some we will probably never know, but obvious are the gun, rejection by his parents, and probably long term depression. Remember we talked about his body piercings and that they could be a cry for help? Self mutilation is a symptom of depression. Deke has probably been on this road for a long time, and would have done this even if we hadn't tried to remove him from his parents. We will never know for sure." "Damn." "Yeah. I have some literature at the office that you can read. It might make you feel better, and is stuff that everyone who works with teens should learn. It is called Gatekeeper and tells you what the warning signs are and how to react to them." "What does Gatekeeper mean?" "It's a term used to define the role of people who know basic suicide prevention and intervention steps. It doesn't make you a professional or anything, but it can save a life. Sort of like learning CPR or First Aid, you never know when you may need to use it. But again, and I can't stress this enough, it probably wouldn't have helped with Deke." "Thanks, Bob. I know you have helped me, and I think Donny too." "No thanks necessary Tom. I figured you two would try to blame yourselves for this, but there is nothing you could have done to change it. I'll bring the Gatekeeper information out as soon as I can, but I do have appointments in the morning so I should be going." "Well, thank you anyway. Donny, can I walk Bob out to his car?" "Huh, oh, sure. Sorry." I got up from Dad's lap and looked around the kitchen like I was seeing it for the first time. I didn't know what I wanted to do, or what I should do. "Why don't you go get ready for bed, son. It has been a long, tiring day." "Uh, okay Dad." I walked back to my room and stripped. Mmmm, the bed sure feels good. Seems like longer ago than this morning that I was in it. I started thinking about Deke as I snuggled in, trying to remember his warmth from the night we spent together. Soon Dad knocked on the door and asked to come in. He sat down on the edge of the bed and kissed my forehead. "You okay son?" "Yeah, I think so. I mean, I understand that I didn't know Deke was going to do that, but it still hurts real bad." "I know son. I didn't know him as well as you, but I hurt too. Like Bob said, it's okay to feel bad about his death. We can both miss him, together." I hugged Dad as hard as I could. "Thanks, Dad. I love you." "I love you too, son, very much." "Dad? Deke is in a better place now, isn't he? In a safe place?" "You bet, son. Deke is in a much better place now. Remember the good times you had together, and know that he is just as happy now." "Okay." I don't know why, but those words made me feel a whole lot better. Dad kissed me again. "Good night, son." "Good night, Dad. Love you." "Love you too." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- The JAMA article referred to in the story was written by M.L.Rosenberg, J.A.Percy, and V.N.Houk and is titled "Guns and adolescent suicides" (editorial), 1991; 266(21):3030. A Gatekeeper Training resource book can be downloaded from http://www.state.me.us/dps/ems/docs/gatekeeeper_manual_pdf_format.pdf and, although the specific agencies cited are for Maine, a quick perusal of your local phone book should provide a list of your local resources. Read the training and get that list of resources for, as Doctor Bob said, you never know when you might need it. You could save a precious life.