Date: Fri, 5 Sep 2003 21:22:53 -0700 (PDT) From: No Label Subject: Donny - Chapter 32 This story may contain descriptions of true love between a man and a youth and may be illegal where you live. Download and possess at your own risk. This story is completely fictional. Characters in it may resemble living persons but that would be completely by accident because I really don't know any one like the characters in this story. But I'd like to, so if you resemble one of these characters please drop me a line. Or if you have comments, suggestions, or critisisms then let me know. I do try to answer all emails. Please do not reproduce this story without my permission. Feedback is what makes the grass grow, the birds sing, the flowers bloom, the writer happy and in a writing mood. So drop a line to me at zero78245d@sbcglobal.net and get me in the mood. Sorry about not posting in a while, but my kids were visiting for the summer so writing 'Donny' was very low priority for me. Please understand and thanks for allowing me to spend time with the ones who mean the most in my life. Donny - Chapter 32 Tom's POV "No, Dad. It's not wrong. And you do love me. I can see it." Can he really see it? Am I that transparent that he can see the lust I have tried to bury since he came into my life? That horrible, perverted lust for a little boy? I must leave. Go. Hide. I cannot let him see that he speaks the truth. God, I am such a horrible person! Why do I have these feelings? Why must I fall so deeply in love with a boy? I must get away. Do I run? Or curl up here on my bed and hope the rest of the world goes away? What should I do? I can't stay here. Not while he is here. What happens if... Oh shit! What did I do? Did I just throw Donny to the floor? Damn! Damn! Damn! Everything was going so well, then Donny has to see my feelings. God, he must be so scared! Of me! What should I do? I know one thing. We can't stay like this. Together. I would probably end up raping this little boy. No, I can't do that! He is so young, so fragile. I must be the adult here. I must stop this before something actually happens. I must... I must... Who is that calling my name? I don't want to open my eyes. Go away. Let go of me! Take your hand off me! Oh, all right. If you insist, I'll open my eyes. "Bob?" "Tom, try to stretch out. I want to check you over." Bob left the room without waiting to see what I did. Suddenly I realized I was curled into this tight ball. The same type of ball that Donny assumed when he expected physical punishment. It is hard to unclench my muscles, but feels good too. Shit, Bob is here. Why? Does he know? Know that I am a hateful, dirty, despicable pervert! Oh shit. Here's Bob again. "Come on, Tom. Here, let me help. Just stretch those legs out. Come on. Are you in any pain?" "N..no." "Okay, talk to me. What's going on?" He sat down on the bed next to me. His voice is so calm. Soothing. I have to tell him. I can't stop myself. "Bob, I have to leave. I can't stay here. Not with Donny. I love him, and I am afraid of what I will do. He knows. He knows, Bob. He knows I love him. He said he loves me too, but how can a little boy love? Tell me Bob. How can a little boy know what he feels? Shit Bob. I can't face him. He knows. He knows." "Okay, Tom. Okay. Just try to relax a little now. Let me see if I get this. You love Donny. He knows that. He loves you back. Now tell me, Tom. Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?" "No. No, Bob. I can't love him. He is a little boy. I am a sick pervert. And he knows it." "Ah ha. Now I think I understand. We are not talking father-son love here, now are we?" "No. Sick, disgusting lust. S..s..sexual." "Hmmm. Now let me restate here so I know I understand. You love Donny, and want him as a lover. And he knows that. And he loves you the same way. Is that right?" "yes. How sick is that? I mean, I love a little boy. How disgusting is that?." "How long have you known that you feel about Donny this way?" "Since that first night when I found him in the shed. I wanted him then, and I want him now. How can I get any worse than I am now? Fuck, I'm sick." "Tell me, Tom. Do you want all boys like that? Or just Donny?" "Fuck, Bob! What do you think I am? No, I don't want boys like that." "So it is just Donny you want?" "Want? Want? Come on, say it. Want to rape. Want to ruin. Want to hold, and love, and cherish." "Right. Forget what you said first. Think about what you just said. Hold, love, cherish. Sounds to me like you have fallen in love." "Yeah, with a little boy. Sickening, isn't it?" "Tom, how old is Donny?" "Fifteen." "Sounds like he's not a little boy any more to me. Don't you think?" "What...what do you mean? He's twelve years younger than me. Just a child." "Oh really? Sounds more like an adolescent growing quickly into manhood to me. Is that what's bothering you? The age difference? What if he was twelve years older than you? Would you still love him?" "I would love him at any age. There is just something about him. Something I can't explain, but he makes me whole, like he's a part of me." "Yep, sounds like love to me. So what really has you freaked. You have been living with this love for him for several months now without touching him. What has changed?" "I told you. He knows. He told me. And he said he feels the same way. How can he know that?" "Tom. Donny, in some ways, is older than you. He has endured a lot of pain and heartbreak in his few years. You have been his rock, the one steady thing he has clung to in his journey." "Yeah, but how can he know what love is? He's too young." "Is he? Can you tell me, Tom, at what particular age is someone is old enough to know what their feelings are? To make choices concerning those feelings?" "Well, no. But..." "Phyl is here. With her background she can probably give you more convincing arguments. All I can say is wake up and smell the roses. You, Tom, have been demonstrating to Donny what true love is ever since he came here. You gave him the knowledge, and the voice, to identify his feelings. Talk to Phyl if necessary. But realize that Donny may be and probably is old enough, and smart enough, to know what he feels. And because of you, he can now put it into words and actions. Now you need to face the consequences of your love and teaching. And do it quick. There is a very scared young man out there that needs your special brand of TLC." "Oh fuck! Donny! Is he...did I...is he okay?" "Physically there is nothing wrong. But right now he is one confused young man. And he doesn't know how to handle your rejection." "Shit, Bob. How can I face him now? What do I say?" "I don't know. But you seem to have a knack for doing the right thing so go to him. Trust yourself, and him. You will do the right thing. And Tom you need to remember, he isn't a little boy any more." ... Donny's POV "Phyl, what did I do? I drove him away. I thought he loved me. But he doesn't. He just dumped me and left. What do I do?" Phyl held me and petted my hair. It felt almost as good as Dad's arms. "There, there, my boy. Your Dad loves you, don't doubt that. Just give him a chance to get some things straight in his head. Don't worry, it will be all right." Phyl continued to hold and rock me there on the floor. Dad came into the living room. He stopped just inside and looked at me. He looked scared. And worried. No, just worried. Maybe a little scared. "Daddy?" "Donny?" He held his arms out. I set a new world's record for the the fastest and longest jump into his arms. "Daddy." "Donny." We squeezed so tight that I had trouble breathing. But that's okay. It was worth it. We must have stood there holding each other for a long time because by the time we even noticed anything other than each other, Phyl and Doctor Bob were gone. We made our way to our favorite spot, the recliner. "Donny, I'm sorry if I hurt you. Or scared you. But you startled me. And made me face something I have been trying to hide from for a long time. And I didn't handle it well. I'm sorry." "That's okay." "No, Donny, it's not okay. I hurt you, and for that I will never forgive myself. I just hope that you will forgive me some day." "Daddy, I already forgive you. I love you." The tears started again, but I didn't care. How could I make him believe that I love him so much that there is nothing in this world that could change that. "I love you too, Donny. I love you as my son, and I want to protect you, and help you grow into the great person I know you can be. But...but I also love you in a different way, a way that I probably shouldn't. And that scares me to death, because how can I protect you from that?" Dad looked at me with tears running down his cheeks. The scared look had replaced the worry on his face. He waved his hands around like he was afraid to touch me. I couldn't help it and started giggling. I don't know why, maybe because my happiest dreams had come true, knowing that he loved me too. But also how Dad was acting. Like a kid on a first date or something. He didn't know where to put his hands, or whether he should kiss me or not. I would have to lead him along I guess. So I put my hands to his cheeks and a soft peck on his lips. "Who says I need protection?" I grinned. Dad turned redder than a tomato. "Ah...ah...Donny." I silenced him with another kiss, this time longer and deeper than a peck. A lick to his tears completed my homage of love. As I pulled back I could see the love pouring from his eyes. "Oh, Donny. You sure have learned to push the right buttons somehow. But we must stop before this goes too far." This was not what I wanted. "But Dad, I love you as much as you love me. Why can't we show our love to each other?" "I know you love me, son. But it is too soon. You are too young. I feel like I am a pervert, a molester." Those words hurt. Was he rejecting me again? "No, no, Donny. Damn, wrong words. Donny, please, listen to me. This is not your problem, it's mine. I love you as my son. I also love you as a lover. But ..." "So let's make love. Cause I love you too. As my dad and as my lover." "Oh, Donny. You don't know how I wish that we could. But you have a lot of growing up to do, and I don't want to take that away from you. Please, stay a child a while longer...for me. Please?" "So when?" "When we are both ready." "I'm ready now." "And I am not. Nor are you, I think." "But how long must we wait? I want you now." "We will both know when the time is right. Right now you are a typical teenager with hormones running full speed throughout your body. Sex is number one on your mind, and your little head is doing the leading now. If and when we make love it has to be because we love each other body and soul." "But..." "Son, we can love each other fully and completely without the sex. When you are old enough, and if you still want this old man, then we can take that next giant step." "But when? How long?" Dad smiled, "You will know here" and touched my forehead, "and here." touching my chest. TBC