Date: Sat, 13 Sep 2003 21:35:36 +0100
From: joshua Caddy  <joshuacaddy@lycos.co.uk>
Subject: For the times they are a changing Chapter Six

The rest of the day passed quite uneventfully with our slobbing about the
house watching TV, eating too much. Generally behaving like pigs. In fact I
really enjoyed it.

Watching Ryan trot round in my t-shirt and boxers was quite
captivating. The naughty little beast knew exactly what he was doing to me
every time he sat there with his legs wide apart or when he was on his
hands and knees changing the tape in the VCR waving his cute little bum in
the air.

The fact that he felt safe enough to do those sorts of things around me was
both a blessing and a curse. He knew I wouldn't do anything to hurt him and
because of this knowledge I couldn't do anything. I could only react to the
situations he created.

I suppose this was something of a relief. The fact that I was bound in this
way, I was able to fully enjoy whatever we did without having to do
anything further.

I loved my boy!

After dinner it was time to go and deal with Nick and Jerry.  Ryan got
dressed into his own clothes, which I had washed and ironed during the day
and we set off for his parents house.

Nick took one look at me on the doorstep and her mothering instinct came to
the fore again.  After much unnecessary fussing she finally asked what had
happened. Before Ryan could speak. I said. "I slipped on the carpet at the
top of the stairs and fell down the lot, banging my head on the way. It's a
good job my little hero was there to rescue me" I said ruffling Ryan's
hair.

"Oh so he's good for something then," she said.

How can you love and hate someone so much at the same time? Why couldn't
she see what a super little chap Ryan was? Her reactions to him to this day
still mystify me.

As she made her thoughtless comment, I gave his knee a squeeze and got a
little smile in response.  I had not realised that Jerry was away at a
meeting in London, but I thought my bid for Ryan could not wait. Far more
important than any bid for the Olympic games and with a better performance
than Laurence Olivier as Henry V required.

"Look Nick I know you said that you're going to put Ryan in boarding school
this September, well I've been thinking. Surely you don't want to fork out
all that brass on private education, particularly with your expansion of
the business needing so much capital" That was their Achilles heel,
finance, nether of them could resist a bargain or a chance to save
money. "Why doesn't he come and live with me whilst you're away. I could do
with the company and it would save you a fortune."

She launched into all the plausible rejections of my offer; but, I knew
from the first I'd got her hooked.

Eventually, she was almost convinced. So I thought I would ice the
cake. Turning to Ryan I said "You wouldn't be too disappointed at not going
away to school would you?"

"I don't suppose so" he said playing his part well.

"Well if it's ok with both of you I don't see why Ryan shouldn't stay with
you. We were going to ask if you would have him for the holidays anyway,"
she said.

Then came the cherry on top.

"Look we seem to be imposing on you a great deal already Michael but do you
think we could push it a little further. Could Ryan move in with you strait
away? Then we can pack the house up and get the letting agent in by the end
of the week."

I thought I would milk this a bit.

"Let me look at my diary and make sure I don't have to see any clients in
the next couple of weeks."

I could feel Ryan looking daggers into the side of my neck, but what the
hay, it was an opportunity to wind him up; far too good to miss.

"No there's nothing that won't wait" I said closing my diary. "If you like
we can start moving his stuff tonight."

"No that would be too much trouble."

"Its all right I'll trot back and get the Landrover so I only have to make
one trip."

I was practically walking on air as I shot home. Game set and match I
thought.

It surprised me how little stuff Ryan actually had; a large suitcase full
of clothes, a very few toys, an old computer etc. It wasn't worth putting
the seats down for this small amount of stuff. In fact most of his
possessions seemed to be the presents I had set him over the years.

As Ryan and I stood together in his empty bedroom I quietly asked, "Is that
everything?"

"Yes," came a rather helpless little reply.

"It looks like I've got an enormous amount of spoiling to do then doesn't
it?" I asked as I caught him in a rough bear hug.

Just as we were tussling about, Nick came in, "Michael," she said, "I know
what a handful he can be but don't hesitate to punish him. I know what a
soft touch you are, but feel free to give him a good crack if he needs
it. I've just been talking to Jerry on the phone and he thinks it would be
a good idea if we signed over guardianship of Ryan to you whilst he's
living with you in case of any emergencies or such."

I hesitated for all of a second before saying, "If you like, I suppose it
makes sense." The disinterest in my voice was just enough. My performance
that evening should have won Oscars!

"Well if that's everything I'll get him home and unpacked."

So saying I went out and started the Landrover. In the short time it took
me to walk out and start the engine Ryan had said goodbye to his mother and
was walking up the path towards me. He looked as though he was about to
burst into tears. As we drove past the end of the road he did great heart
rending sobs. I had to stop so that I could put my arms round him.

"Why don't they want me?" he wailed.

"I don't know" I responded "What I do know is that I want you more than
anything I have ever wanted. Because they are going away it means I don't
have to share you with anyone." So saying I kissed him on the tip of the
nose and wiped his tears with my handkerchief.

"Besides your mum's just given me carté blanché to spank you whenever
I like. I can be a proper wicked uncle now." I ended this with my best evil
laugh

"You're just a rotten old bugger" he said smiling through his tears.

"And don't you forget it."

Getting back to the cottage we moved all Ryan's stuff into the spare
bedroom.

"You can decorate this how you want. I've always thought pink with yellow
flowers would suit this room."

Along came another withering Ryan look.

"Or paint it black, black furniture black everything, block the window up,
put a red light bulb in and have a skeleton in the corner. Or would you
prefer an African wildlife scene. I could put in a mud pit for you to
wallow in, my little hippo."

I could have gone in that vein for hours making weirder and dafter
suggestions by the second. But it was just too much for Ryan and he started
to try and strangle me.

We ended up falling on the bed. His hands wrapped around my throat, my arms
around his waist. As we stopped laughing, I looked at him and asked in all
sincerity, "Are you going to be alright here with me?"

He didn't answer, just kissed me on the cheek and hugged me tightly.

What better answer could I ask for?

As we unpacked his clothing, folding things and putting them in draws,
filling the empty space in the wardrobe, it was like how Ryan had filled
the hole in my heart. The last thing we came to in the bottom of the case
was a pair of stripped pyjamas. Nothing special just the run of the mill
button up top and bottoms fasten with a cord, you know the sort of
thing. On minute I was quite happily helping the boy unpack, the next I was
sitting on the bed the pj's in my lap and two huge tears rolling down my
cheeks.

Ryan didn't notice as he was busily trying to stuff too much stuff into one
draw. He turned around and came and sat beside me. As he put a slender arm
around my shoulder, he asked, "What's wrong Uncle Michael?"

"Nothing," I responded. "Its just that.. no it doesn't matter."

"It must do for you to cry over it."

"You know the way I'm made and men like me aren't supposed to have kids;
but, I'd always rather liked the idea of having my own little boy to put to
bed and tell stories to. I know it's daft but..."

With that I wiped my eyes and pushed the pj's under the pillow.

"What do you fancy for supper?" I asked as I headed for the door.

Ryan was still sitting on the end of the bed looking a little put out at
me. "So what's wrong with me?" he demanded.

"What?"

"Aren't I good enough to tell stories to?" I could see a sulk coming on.

"I would have thought you were a little too old for that sort of thing."

"Says who?"

"Look its ok Ryan, you don't have to humour me. I think I'll get over it,"
I said with a sort of half smile. I don't know who I was trying to kid.

"I can't remember anyone ever putting me to bed or telling me stories." He
looked rather downcast at this.

"I'm sure we will both get over it. Now do you want supper or not?"

"Yes but.."

Ryan followed me downstairs and into the kitchen. After devouring half a
large cake (If he was going to go on like this I could see I'd have to
start practicing with loaves and fishes) Ryan sat holding a glass of
milk. He looked at me over the rim of the glass with a milk moustache on
his top lip and in his best little boy voice asked "Uncle Mikey?"

"Yes?"

"Will you put me to bed pwease?"

That boy had got it. With very little effort he had become criminally
cute. He sat there pouting with the puppy dog eyes and milk moustache; he
was the epitome of cute little boyness.

"You rotten little sod," I responded.

"Please Michael, no ones ever done that for me. Not that I can remember.
Will you, please?"

If I gave in who was it to? Him or myself. Did it really matter?

"Come on then smelly boy, bed time. In for a penny in for a pound." So
saying I scooped him into my arms and carried him upstairs.

Depositing him in the bathroom I said, "You can brush your own teeth."

"Yes Uncwl Mikey."

"Don't push it boy."

He grinned at me through the toothpaste.

When he had finished, we walked across the landing and he went to go into
my bedroom. "Where do you think your going, young sir. That's not your
room!"

"But I thought . . . "

"We all know what thought did."

He mooched off into his own room and stood by the bed looking expectantly.

"Well get changed then beast."

"But you said you wanted to get me ready for bed."

"I might have said that; but, it's not a particularly good idea is it?"

"Suppose not.". The amount of dejection in his voice was pitiful. I then
thought that this was something he actually needed. He wanted to do
something he had missed out on, something that most boys have experienced
so they don't even think about.

"Alright then, but you just behave."

I sat him upon my knee and began to unlace his trainers.

Slipping off his trainers I pulled of his ankle socks (Aren't they cute!)
then started to do "this little piggy" with his toes. It seem that Ryan was
very ticklish, so after having him squirming around on my knee for five
minutes he was exhausted and almost kitten like in his very relaxed state.
"Lift your arms," as he did so I lifted his t-shirt off and blew a
raspberry on his bare tummy. It was like putting my lips on warm velvet.

Now came the difficult bit, "Up you get smelly boy."

As he stood I pulled down his shorts leaving him dressed in only his tight
fitting little white pants. As he was facing me I could see that there was
a very noticeable little bulge between his legs.

With a large intake of breath I said, "Its not healthy sleeping in the same
pants you've had on all day.  Hooking my fingers in the waste band I pulled
his pants straight down, perhaps a little slower than I should have and
without enjoying trailing my hands down his bum and legs. As he stepped out
of them he put his hands on my shoulders to steady himself and leaned in
towards me.

The only place I could look was in his eyes, everywhere else there was far
too much naked boy for me to be comfortable with.

I went to reach for his pjs but before I could, he sat on my knee again and
kissed me on the cheek. Wrapping my arms around his waist felt so
right. That he was naked didn't bother me any more. This was what I had
wanted a boys complete love and trust. If he could sit naked on my knee and
wrap his arms about me knowing what he did about who I was, he had to love
me. Didn't he?

 I nursed him for a few minutes, but when I could feel him start to go to
sleep I thought I had better get him dressed for bed. So slipping his arms
into the pyjama jacket I buttoned him in and then pulled the bottoms up
over the top. He looked so adorable standing there with messed up hair that
I almost expected him to start sucking his thumb.

He clambered into the bed and I tucked the covers in around him.

"Story now," he demanded.

I sat on the bed beside him and leaned back on the headboard. Taking his
hand in mine, I began to inscribe small circles on the back with the fore
finger of my other hand.

Closing my eyes I began to tell him an aboriginal story I had herd on my
travels

"In the dreamtime mate when the land first got its name and........"

I think I must have spoken for over an hour reciting my tale of the
dreamtime for when I eventually opened my eyes Ryan was sleeping with a
contented look on his face and his thumb in his mouth.

Gently dislodging his hand from mine I crept out of the room and downstairs
into the den. I got a new sketchpad out of the desk and started to draw
Ryan as I had just left him. I took more care than usual with this sketch
and so when I had finished it really was captivating. Regardless of the
hour I went into the cellar and found a frame for this particular
sketch. After mounting it I turned off the lights and went to bed first
hanging the picture above the bed, replacing the oil that had previously
been there.

I lay awake for a time enjoying the warmth of knowing I had MY boy asleep
under my roof with me, mine to nurture and protect. Someone who loved me
even though he knew what I was a Boylover. That was the first time I could
even say those words about myself, even in the privacy of my own mind.

I drifted off to the land of Nodd on a soft carpet of fulfilled
dreams. Just as Morphius was claiming me for his own I felt a movement in
the bed and an arm and leg were draped over me.

"Prefer it in here. In here with you," came a sleepy little whisper in my
ear followed by a feather light kiss upon my lips.

I loved MY BOY.

Morning broke through the curtains far too soon for my liking.

Sometime in the night Ryan had got too hot in his pj top so it was laid
across the bed. Just like he was laid on top of me. I could see that he
wasn't going to wear out any mattresses whilst he was here. Me yes,
mattresses no.

As he slept on top of me I began to run a finger up and down his spine,
keeping my touch as soft as I could, barely making contact. He continued to
sleep on, oblivious to my caress.

Still asleep he rolled over onto his back and nestled into my side. If he
got any closer we would have to become Siamese twins.

Watching him sleep, feeling his chest rise and fall next to me was a
sensation beyond compare. I could not resist placing my hand on his flat
tummy. I began to stroke him, making small circles with my fingertips
letting them explore his velvety smoothness. My fingers ranged up and down
his body from his neck to the waste band of his pj's.

The scent of him filled my nostrils; my fingers enjoyed the soft warmth of
his skin. I became mesmerised by the sensations he was unwittingly creating
in my body. So much so that my attentions may have wandered further if a
sleepy voice had not said, "Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Yes immensely," I answered kissing the tip of his nose.

"That felt nice, why have you stopped?"

"Because you're awake and should be getting up."

"I'm not, so you can start again."

"If you insist."

Ok perhaps I was going too far, but it was innocent and Ryan was enjoying
the attention immensely.

"It's just like having a puppy without having the toilet training; you are
house trained aren't you?" I asked as I stuck a finger in his belly button
and wiggled it about.

"No, so you had better take me to the toilet and wipe my bum."

"And I'm right out of hippo sized nappy's."

We continued with this silliness for quite some time.

Eventually my fingers got tired before Ryan got bored, but by this time he
was practically purring like a kitten.

"Don't stop or are you going to do something else to me?" he asked.

"Such as?"

"I don't know."  He did know but didn't want to say, which was clearly
obvious.

"Ryan why don't you stop fencing with me and tell me what you really want."

He blushed that pretty pink colour, as he shyly said

"Do sexy stuff with me. You know put your hand in my pants and stuff."

I was stunned to say the least.

I could feel myself caught here. Ryan knew I liked boys. If I didn't "Do"
things to him would he take it as rejection? He needed to know that you
could love someone without having sex. So yes I would love to take our
relationship further, but he was only twelve and I couldn't hurt him for
the world. We just weren't ready for that kind of stuff. Ok I wasn't ready
for that kind of stuff. I just could not risk loosing him.

"You know I can't do those sorts of things with you. Not because I don't
want to, because it wouldn't be right or fair on either of us. No matter
what you said I would feel I was taking advantage of you. Can you
understand this? It's not because I don't love you it's because I do."

He looked a little dejected.

"That doesn't mean to say, I can't do this though."

I started blowing numerous raspberries on his naked tummy until he shrieked
with laughter.  As he calmed down he wrapped his arms about me and started
kissing me on the lips. I returned his kisses with the love in which they
were offered.

We slumped into each others arms, enjoying having someone else to hold,
someone to hold us.

By the time we got tired of holding each other it was lunch time.

After lunch we worked together finishing off the last few jobs in the
garden. You know those little touches that complete a project.

Just as we were finishing Nick and Jerry's car pulled up and they got out
and came into the garden. As we made small talk Jerry passed me a large
envelope.

"That's all the paperwork you need for Ryan. Just sign the forms where it
indicates and return them to my solicitors if you would, then you're his
legal guardian whilst we are away. I still don't think you know what you're
letting yourself in for though."

Jerry turned to his son and in the most non-descript way imaginable said,
"We're off to the airport now so be good for Michael." With the briefest of
touches and a small kiss they were gone.

As their car drove out of sight I put an arm around Ryan's shoulders. "It
looks like I've got a smelly little hippo all to myself now," I said as I
kissed him on the top of the head.

Ryan's arm crept around my waist, "You won't leave me, will you?" he asked
in a frightened voice.

"If I ever leave, the only thing I will be sure to pack .... is
you!"

With that we walked back into the cottage

End of chapter six

Your comments are most welcome.

Joshuacaddy@lycos.co.uk