Date: Sat, 15 Dec 2018 19:13:28 +0000 From: Bogan Subject: Former Street Rat 06 DONATE to NIFTY. If you can afford it, please donate to nifty. We all like this site and we don't want it to go away. I almost stopped posting. Writing all of this had started to cut deep. But a letter from TU helped a lot. Thanks guy. These stories are my memories. I might change names, places and other such detail, but they are my memories. If you wanna use the stuff in here as a jumping off point for your own stories, that is fine by me. Just remember, these are my memories. ************************************** We had been invited to a BBQ. Some friend of a friend of a friend. Caz vouched for `em, so we were pretty comfortable going. I gorged myself. They had steak! I rarely got the opportunity to eat steak. Afterwards, we were hanging around the ferry terminal, waiting to go back to familiar grounds. I remember everyone being happy and I was as well. Just a jovial mood. Then I said something to Caz. It was something innocent. Not teasing at all. Nothing bad. And Caz snapped at me. He started yelling at me saying personal and hurtful things. I yelled back. Caz was screaming something about leadership. And I didn't understand why. It didn't make sense. Nothing seemed to lead up to it. And I was stunned with the ferociousness of his attack. I screamed back at him and gave every bit as good as I got. We yelled at each other for less than a minute. Than I spat at his boots and walked away. I wasn't crying. But I was hurt pretty bad. And as I walked away, I felt lost. It was the loneliest that I had ever felt. I had no family. I had no brothers. There would never be anybody to depend on. It would always be just me. So I found an empty spot and leaned against some railings and just sorta stared at nothing. I don't know how long I was there. And after a bit, Caz walked up to me. And he said in the gentlest voice that I had ever heard from him, that the ferry had arrived. And that was it. There was another time. We were in a bad situation, collectively. Bad shit was going down. We needed to figure out what to do And we had to do it fast. Me and Petey and Caz were trying to hammer out a plan. But Brian was freaking out. He kept interrupting us and pacing and waving his arms about. He was being a distraction. And we couldn't have that. So I took him downstairs, sat him at a table, and bought him a coke. I sat across from him, looked him in the eyes, and told him that if he didn't calm down, we were going to leave him behind. The look on his face was painful to see. But we were in a really bad situation. And we needed to figure out what to do and had to do it quickly. Brian didn't say another word for the rest of the night. I really don't know how badly I had traumatised him. And there was another night when it was just me and Caz and Brian. It was cold and rainy. I liked it when it was cold and rainy, but only if I had somewhere to go to get out of it. We were walking down the street headed for a chippy. I brought up the rear. I almost always did. That was my position. Caz led from the front. I brought up the rear. Caz and Brian were having a discussion. I don't remember the details, but I came to the conclusion that the two of them were going to be lovers. And that got me feeling down. When we got to the chippy, Caz went in first followed by Brian. I held the door open but didn't go in. After Brian crossed the threshold, I closed the door behind him and left. In my adolescent mind, I thought that Caz and Brian wanted to be alone. I suppose to look into each other's eyes and spout romantic drivel. That's what lovers did right? So I thought I was being a good friend and giving them the space they needed. But I was incredibly jealous. And I didn't want to be. I wanted to be a good brother and a good friend. So I left them alone in the chippy and turned around and walked away. The chippy's building and the building next to it had an alleyway between them. Tho calling it an alley might be an exaggeration. Just a pathway really, for pedestrians. There weren't any lights in there. But the cross street was brightly lit and spilled a bit into the alley. And you could see people walking about just three feet away. I sat in the alleyway. I was crying. Jeff was gone, and now Brian was going to move from my sleeping bag to Caz's. But I wouldn't get in the way of their happiness. Instead, I would be happy for them. So of course I was crying. I don't know how long I sat in that alleyway in the rain feeling sorry for myself. And then Caz rushed in and than stopped. Brian was behind him. Caz had this look on his face. I didn't recognise it. I didn't understand it. I still don't. "What?" I said. "Where'd ya go?" Caz asked. "Just here." I answered. Then I stood up and all three of us left together. I think that the idea of being alone on the streets terrified us all. Bogan nifty.bogan@protonmail.com