Date: Sat, 10 Aug 2002 02:18:03 +0000 From: Java Biscuit Subject: Free to Good Home, chapter 15 This is a futuristic fantasy involving inter generational male/male graphic sex and it's not intended for reading by minors. If you are underage, or this type of material is illegal where you live, please stop now, and go read something else! Feedback, always appreciated, to: javabiscuit@hotmail.com Free to Good Home ~ chapter 15 by Biscuit Sam was hurt and he was angry. It was like being lectured by my father through the mouth of my brother. The litany of my faults. I was selfish, immature, and irresponsible. It started when he followed me into the bathroom. "I'm just going to shower," I said, hesitating by the tub, not looking at him. "I won't be long." "I'll shower too and we can get out of here faster." "I meant what I said, Sam. I'm not going with you." I said it and waited for the sky to fall. I heard him sigh, then he touched me. He was close behind me, his hands on my shoulders, his chest brushing my back. "Don't start, Toby. You made the right choice. This boybot thing that's upset you, " he paused like he was trying to find the right words, his hands stroking down the sides of my arms. "Remember how you used to be about your toys?" He sounded like an indulgent adult talking to a child, trying to be patient. "Yes," I said, reluctantly, remembering only too well, and dreading what would come next. "That's all a boybot is, Toby. You've gotten yourself knotted up over a fantasy. I didn't come here to help you find the thing. I came to bring you home, because you need me. Don't start questioning yourself now and getting all tangled up again. What's important is this." His arms circled me. "When we get home," he said, "you'll be all right." Why was he talking like it was all about him and me? His tone, the way he was touching me; it wasn't what I expected. I was having trouble regrouping my thoughts with him holding me like he was, acting like Tiger had nothing to do with anything. "Sam, I've got to find him, you don't understand," I started. "Listen to me. Dad's negotiating my engagement right now. He's going to announce it at Christmas and I want you to be there." He kissed the back of my head. "I want you with me. It's time to grow up, Toby. You'll be next. In a couple of years, you'll get married yourself and have children. I'll help you, be with you." Oh God. He was stroking the side of my face with his, hugging me. The weight of his tenderness, his need was staggering. The desire not to hurt him, not to disappoint him were almost overwhelming. So hard not to be what he wanted. But his vision of us sharing the burdens of marriage and family, our intimacy with each other making it bearable; it was impossible for me. "I can't, Sam. Even if I didn't need to stay here for Tiger, I couldn't do it." I did turn around then. I owed it to him to show my face, to look him in the eye. "I don't think it's right. Not for me, maybe not for you either." God, he was handsome. I could easily imagine him in a contract with another man, or a beautiful yin boy who would yearn for the sight of him coming home at night. That man, that boy wasn't me. Part of me wished so bad that it could be. But it wasn't and he saw that I meant it. He backed up gradually. "You know I've always stood up for you to Dad," he said, and turned away from me toward the sink. He turned on the water and started soaping a cloth. "I know," I said. He wasn't going to shower with me. I was intensely relieved but still nervous, waiting for him to finish what he intended to say, knowing he wasn't done with me. "Maybe Dad's right," Sam said. "What do you mean?" I shouldn't have asked, the answer could only be painful. "You're selfish, Toby. Like a little kid. I never used to think so but now I wonder if he's right. Maybe we did baby you too much, I don't know." He sounded bitter, his voice tight. "I suppose I'm more guilty of it than anyone." It's not like I didn't know my father thought those things. He'd said them to my face, but to hear Sam passing those judgments was harder to take. I should have expected it, seeing him grow closer to our father, more and more like him as the years passed. But I guess we were vulnerable to each other that morning in a way we hadn't been in a very long time. The words hurt more and sounded truer coming from him. I didn't defend myself. I felt like he had a right to punish me for rejecting him. "You think you can do whatever you want and we'll always be there when you need us." He splashed himself with water a last time and grabbed a towel from the rack, rubbing at his armpits and his groin. His body was beautiful and I felt like I might be seeing it for the last time. Maybe he saw my eyes drawn to his cock. I know I looked down and it's not that I felt desire so much as an awareness of our closeness; a closeness I didn't know how to express without giving in to him. I looked up to find his eyes on me, his expression softened slightly. "I want to be there for you, Toby," he said. "I would take good care of you but I can't if you won't let me." I'd made such a mess for myself. I'd thought I could find a few days of peace at the farm. If I'd known that Sam was waiting for just such a summons I'd never have contacted him. Had I known? Was the awareness somewhere inside me that he wanted and needed these things from me? I tried to think but I couldn't. I just knew that what he wanted was impossible. "I can't," I said. It was horrible to see my brother's face close down with pain and anger. He looked away from me and dropped the towel in the sink, turning his back without another word. I watched him leave the small bathroom. I was too cowardly even to follow him. I stood rooted to the spot beside the tub, waiting for the sound of him leaving my apartment. I'd never felt more alone. I could hardly make myself step into the shower and turn on the water. I'd thought it would be a relief when he was gone but it wasn't. My heart was pounding and my eyes were tearing up. I turned the water on hard and let it beat down on me. Was my brother right? I felt like my own judgment was shot to hell. I questioned everything; my feelings for Sam, for Tiger, my sanity. My brother's view of me was seductive. It fit me like a piece of clothing I'd worn for years. The baby. The scared one. Spoiled. The lure of Sam's arms around me had been almost more than I could resist. And yet I had resisted it. I combed through my memories for signs that he'd continued to want me, desire me, after he'd started high school. I found them; things I'd discounted before. Lingering looks. His way of touching me. All those times he'd shown up at my door, I realized now, he might have been offering himself to me. I'd avoided being alone with him as much as possible; ushering him to clubs and pushing him to go with other men. I'd stayed away from home as much as I could. I think I may have known without knowing. The hot water did its work, drowning my tears and easing my sore muscles. I thought of Tiger. I hadn't been able to explain to Sam how I felt or what it was like to be with him; that Tiger wasn't just a boybot. Not a machine! Well, he was. But he wasn't. To say that Tiger was just a mechanical body was no more true than saying I was only flesh and blood. I believed I was more. And so was Tiger. By the time I'd gotten dressed I was grimly sure that I'd made the only choice I could. Selfish or not. Immature or not. Maybe crazy. It didn't matter. I couldn't live the life Sam envisioned. There would be no marriage to a woman for me, no children unless I did what my father had done; contracting for one. I'd made the only choice I could, but it didn't save me from sadness. I knew I could never allow myself to break down and reach out to my brother again. --------------------------------- Blessed be my creator. Blessed be Toby. When the datastream ended it triggered repair. Up to that point I was conscious. My brothers Ti'jou and Rocket came and went from the room were I was restrained. Only Roget stayed away, not wishing to see me again until the alteration was complete. "Welcome home, brother!" Ti'jou's greeting had been warm and effusive. He'd hung over me and hugged me as well as he could in the frame. Rocket stood to the side, his big hand folded around mine. My brother boybot's special name suited him perfectly. It was a shortened form of petit bijou, little jewel. He was a pleasure to see. Diverting. It interested me then, as it had before, to see my own face looking back at me, belonging to someone else. It was my face but it was his own. Curious to observe how the change in coloring and his varying expressions made it appear different from mine. Rocket too, varied greatly in my eyes from Roget. I speculated that his happiness with Ti'jou had given Rocket a face that exuded delight and kindness. He was quiet but his dark eyes were warm with affectionate attention when I met them. Often his eyes were on Ti'jou, who caused them to shine with pleasure. The boybot's hair was no longer pink, it was blue. A deep cobalt blue like his eyes, making them appear darker than mine. He wore the long hair braided like a wreath around his head. "The little girls did it," he told me. "They like to brush it and style it. It's fun for them when I change the color." Ti'jou was employed in a breed house. An approved non sexual function for boybots. They were preferred waiting staff and in some cases, like Ti'jou's they were employed as companions for the young girls. Even sterile males were forbidden to enter the women's quarters of the houses. It was Ti'jou who had requested that Roger Davis arrange this work for him. Though they were free of a programmed need to be bound to a human companion, the 63s continued to cherish humankind. Roget's threat to harm Toby, I now knew had been idle, intended to disarm me. Which it had. I recalled in their presence the pleasure their company had given me before. My family was small but it was satisfying nonetheless to be part of it. I had treasured Roget too, though I didn't desire him. He was a member of my family. If I had not undergone trauma, I would have remained among them. Unfulfilled, but reconciled to the small pleasures I could have. Useless to speculate. Roget's frustration had made it impossible for me to remain as I was. In this house we were shielded by fictitious owners, created to protect us. There were other houses prepared; Roger Davis had called them safehouses. False owner identities existed in waiting for the future. Eventually, he'd expected that we would fend for ourselves. I was the oldest, the first. I'd existed for 7.64 years. There is no correspondence between bot age and human age. We're born with access to the accumulated files of the brothers who came before us. Our appearance can be altered but will not evolve. The body is not static. It regenerates but does not age, it lives until it is destroyed. Most are reclaimed, their owners receive generous payment for returning them. A smaller number have been killed without contributing their files to the whole. A bot does not fear destruction. The self preserving instinct which powered me is not a feature of the bots who came before me. No references to it exist among my files. I'd considered it appropriate that I cease to exist at my owner's death. That is how many bots perish, though as many are transferred from owner to owner. Ti'jou entertained me with stories about little girls at the breed house. He told stories, too, of his unofficial employment as a prostitute. These stories disturbed me. It was illegal activity. Humans were forbidden to prostitute bots and the law was vigorously enforced. When I'd asked Roger Davis why it was so, when the bot's body was created for sexual pleasure, he said it was economics. "The Guild is a powerful union," he said. "They fought for years against the manufacture of personal service bots. Think about it, Tyler, they want to protect their own business." A lesson in business. I'd learned that the bot manufacturers were as powerful as the Guild and an agreement was reached between the two interests. Commercial use of personal bots was prohibited. My references showed that it did occur at a level which didn't compete with the Guild. There were owners who charged large sums for the use of their bots and claimed it was an extension of their personal use. But Ti'jou's behavior was of the lowest form of solicitation on the streets. That he continued to pursue this activity upset me. "Technically," Rocket said, "it's not illegal for him to prostitute himself, only for a human to do it." His smile indicated that he knew this was evasive reasoning. He appeared indulgent toward his mate's reckless behavior. "They think I'm a human boy, too young for a license," Ti'jou said. He too was smiling. "I never ask them for money. They give it to me!" His stories of flirting with human men on the street and going with them to secluded locations for sex had an uncomfortable effect on me. I was aware of the erotic lure of it. Both he and Rocket became aroused as he detailed his morning's adventure. "The man was staring at me on the train," Ti'jou said. "I smiled. I saw his hard-on even though he tried to hide it. When he got off the train, I followed him, smiling every time he turned around." "So dangerous, Ti'jou," I said. My impulse to turn my head toward him met with the bindings. The restraint was severe. Both he and Rocket leaned closer in sympathetic response to my immobility. "He's unharmed, Tyler," Rocket said, briefly squeezing my hand in his. In a gesture that I'm certain he intended to be one of friendly reassurance, he closed my fingers around the head of his erect penis, filling my palm with its warm wet knob. I responded to his thoughtfulness by caressing it. Though I didn't share the 63s' passion for each other's bodies I was accustomed to extending caresses for the sake of polite interaction. "It was very safe, I promise," said Ti'jou. "I let him lead me to his home. He was very aroused and I sucked his cock, just like a human boy would do it. He put a twenty credit slip in my suit pocket." A slight attraction to his forbidden behavior distressed me. I would be incapable of doing what he did, unless Toby desired it. Extremely unlikely. The thought of Toby was irresistible. His human penis, its 7.2 inches of blessed hardness displayed to me on a train. Perhaps in the green suit he wore when I saw him last, its trim tailoring making the contour of his erection difficult to hide. I saw myself with Toby, instead of a stranger with Ti'jou. I saw the conjectured image of myself on my knees and could feel my beloved's cock in my mouth. "What is it?" Ti'jou asked. He was leaning on me, his small hand wandering over my chest. My brother bots seemed unable to restrain touching in close proximity. "I didn't mean to make you sad, Tyler." "I'm longing for Toby," I said. I saw both of them take note of my erection and share a glance of sorrowful understanding. It was not possible for them to sate the need excited in me by thoughts of Toby. "Your human," Ti'jou said quietly. "Roget told us. Try to stay calm, Tyler. You'll feel better when this is over and you can get out of this frame. You'll be able to masturbate." He traced the strap across my chest as he said it. I knew they pitied me. To them I was perverse, a victim of tragic circumstance. My dependence on human companionship or my own hand for sexual pleasure was a source of constant low level distress to them. "We've disturbed him," said Rocket. He leaned down to kiss my forehead. "Don't struggle brother, shield yourself. Your ordeal will be over soon." I did so, gratefully. They left me to compose myself.