Date: Sun, 8 Mar 2009 15:29:06 -0700 (PDT)
From: scamper10002@yahoo.com
Subject: Gay Feelings Exposed / Chapter 1 / Part 1 / Installment 1

This a fictional story, based on a 100% true feeling.  I write this story,
in hopes that many males who read this -- can "finally" understand where
their "gay feelings" may have come from, and why they feel this way.  I do
this, in hopes that others can benefit from my thoughts, and figure out
what they are missing in life, and may be able to decide on how to fix
things.  From this, males may be able to better decide what to do about
their "ill feeling" -- so they can start living a better life.

This is Chapter One, of many chapters, that I plan on writing.

CHAPTER ONE

You ever wondered why you feel the "gay way" you do ?

I have thought about it for many years.  I have mulled over the feelings,
and have concluded that they are caused by life's experiences.

Now, on with the story:

"So what do you think, Doc ?"

"That depends on you.  Tell me about how life started for you.  Was it good
?"

"Well, things started out great.  I was adopted by two great parents.  Two
years later, Mom and Dad adopted my sister.  We used to go to North
Carolina every year."

"Were you close to your dad ?"

"Yeah ... I was ... until my mom died."

"Go on ..."

"I remember always being close to my dad.  I remember doing Indian Guides
with him.  He and I always used to go to those meetings.  We did a lot of
camping trips together.  He taught me how to drive.  He used to drive me to
school.  We used to go to Dairy Queen together.  I guess the things I used
to really enjoy, were the things Dad, Mom, Mary and I used to do together."

"You were a tight family ?"

"Yeah, we were."

"What happened ?"

"My mom had an aneurysm, right after my 10th birthday."

`Go on ..."

"Mom passed away January 18, 1972.  It was so devastating for Dad, Mary and
I.  We got this new housekeeper ... until my dad met my best friend's mom
... and they decided to get married."

"How did you feel about that ?"

"I did not get along with this lady ... from the beginning.  I tried to
... but, she was always sarcastic with me, or wouldn't let me enjoy life's
good things."

"Like what ?"

"Well, after Dad and she got married ... it took her about a year to `take
control' of things.  (1) She would interrupt a conversation that Dad and I
were having, and she would tell me she needed me to `weed the garden'.
Anything to get me away from spending time with my dad.  (2) She wouldn't
let me spend time with other people my age.  Each day I came home from
school, after I finished my homework ... I'd ask to go over to a friend's
house ... but she would always say, `No, I need you to do this.'  So, I
ended up sitting out in the backyard, reading Reader's Digest's.  I didn't
dare ask her to go anywhere else, cause I didn't want to do anymore yard
work."

"Did you bring this up to your dad ?"

"Yeah ... many times.  But she would always respond to Dad, "Yeah, I asked
him to do some yard work, but afterwards, it was too dark ... and I called
him in, to come in and take his bath, and get ready for bed."

"Every day ?"

"Yep ... every day."

"This sounds like it may have been neglect.  Did you know there are many
state programs, that help kids with problems like this ?"

"Yes, and I did get the State involved."

"What happened ?"

"I reported my step-mom to them, and told them of the different situations
of neglect.  One day, they came out to our house, and spoke with me --
spoke with my step-mom ... and removed me away from her."

"I can still remember -- to this day -- after the two employees had
finished speaking with me and her - my step-mother coming to me, and
looking me in the eyes and said, "If you leave this house ... you will
never return."

"Well, she kept `her promise.'  I was not allowed back, nor did I see my
dad again."

"This started when you were 10 ... when did you leave your house ?"

"17."

"So for 7 years, your step-mother did all this emotional damage to you ?"

"Yep."

The end of our time came to an end, and I looked at him, thanked him -- he
shook my hand ... and said, "Make another appointment for us to meet, in 3
days.  I will do some more research on this, and I think I will have
something for you ... that will help."

I left, and went back to my condo.  My complex has a jacuzzi ... so I
decided to get my bathing suit on, and go soak and think.  I had just done
a lot of revealing of my deep-down emotions ... that I had not thought
about for many years.

I grabbed a towel, and headed out for the Jacuzzi.  No one was there, and I
thought, "Good ... I can have some time to myself."

The Jacuzzi was built inside of a palm-fronded structure.  This offered the
users of the Jacuzzi - some nice privacy.

I dropped my towel on the chair, and went over to the Jacuzzi on / off
switches -- and switched the Jacuzzi on.  I could hear the bubbles
immediately start.  They sounded loud, so I was in for an excellent soak.

I went back to the Jacuzzi, and slowly walked down into the water
... sitting down, and slowly laying back my head against the concrete edge.

A few minutes went by, and I could hear someone also enter the Jacuzzi.  I
thought, "Oh great ... oh well, I'll just keep my eyes closed."

"But maybe it's someone who wants to talk ?  Maybe he is someone who is
looking for a jack-off buddy ?"

Slowly, I opened my eyes, and it was a boy ... about 14 years old.  He was
laying down, flat, on the step.  He was laying with his head to my left,
and legs to the right.  He laid in such a way, so that his right leg was
propped at a right angle.  His leg sitting this way, caused his bathing
suit leg hole, to gap.  This gap showed his balls, covered by his bathing
suit mesh.

I closed my eyes, leaned my head back on the edge, and thought, "Oh God.
Those balls look so inviting.  I'll bet he loves to jack off.  I wonder if
he knows, if someone else jacks him off ... it feels so much better ?  He
looks to be about 14 ... maybe the size of those balls ... are attached to
a hairless penis ?  Hairless penises could mean he has dry orgasms ?  I
have heard dry orgasms feel better than cums."

I squinted my eyes again, to catch a glimpse of that boy's balls.  When I
looked, though, he was gone.

I thought, "Good.  I don't need to get in any trouble with the cops,
anyway."

The sounds of the Jacuzzi were very hypnotizing, and I started to get very
warm ... and started to doze off.

A few minutes later, I again heard someone enter the Jacuzzi.  I squinted
my eyes ... and saw the same boy ... and one of his friends.  His friend
also looked to be about 13.  They sat with their legs dangling in the
Jacuzzi, but laid their bodies backwards onto the concrete.  This allowed
their bathing suits to gap at the leg openings.

I immediately closed my eyes, and thought, "OMG ... a 13 and 14-year-old.
I'll bet they jack off with each other.  Oh, what I would give -- just to
be there, to watch."  I squinted to the 13-year-old's crotch, and saw a
very small buldge.  I dropped my head back, and thought, "I'll bet he has
awesome dry orgasms."

I squinted my eyes open again, and one had turned over ... and the other
was giving him a back massage.  With my eyes squinted, I watched the back
massage ... and I could "feel" the emotional touch ... and longed to be the
boy on the receiving end of that back massage.

I closed my eyes again, and thought, "Why do I think things like that ?  I
am not gay."

I squinted my eyes, and saw the one boy -- who was being massaged -- was
now massaging the other boy.

This went on for about 15 more minutes.

I was wondering when they would finish, and leave ... so I squinted my eyes
open, looked at the boy, whom I last saw was giving the other a nice back
massage ... and saw he was looking directly at me.  He said, "Hey mister
... I give good back massages.  Would you like one, before my brother and I
have to go ?"

I thought, "OMG."  My mind was racing with such confusing emotions.  One on
hand, I thought, "A nice massage would feel good," but on the other, "If
someone saw an unrelated 13-year-old giving a stranger a back massage --
would certainly have the cops here, and me in jail by this evening."

Though, my emotions won.  I lifted my head, opened my eyes, and said, "OK
... I guess a quick one would be ok."

The 13-year-old said, "My name is Tom, and my brother is Ted."  Tom slid
over to me, and said, "Here, I'll massage you, while you're soaking in the
water."

I didn't respond, but moaned ... as his small hands started kneeding my
muscles.  He started slowly with my shoulders ... working his hands down to
my underarms ... giving me these erotic finger touches.  This was feeling
so relaxing, that I started to get goose-pimples.  I thought, "Goose
pimples in a warm-water Jacuzzi ?"

Ted came alongside me, on my other side ... and started doing the same, as
his brother -- was doing on my other side.

I squinted my eyes, and said, "You guys are good."  Not wanting the massage
to end ... I said, "Where are you guys going ?"

Tom said, "Our mom works until about 8 pm tonight, so Ted and I are alone
until then.  She doesn't like us going out while she is gone ... but we get
so bored in the house all by ourselves."

I asked, "Your mom leaves you alone ?  It is not good to leave boys, at
your age, unsupervised.  Maybe I can help ... let me meet your mom ... and
maybe she'll let me watch you guys, while she's at work ?"

Ted and Tom smile at each other, and then look at me and said, "We would
love that.  We have all sorts of video games, and we can show you how to
play them all."

I gave them my cell phone number, and asked them to contact their mom --
have her call me, and I could offer her to watch her sons for that
afternoon.

About 10 minutes later, I got out of the Jacuzzi.  The boys had already
taken off ... so I headed back to my condo.

No sooner that I walked in my door, that my cell phone went off.  I figured
it was their mom calling me, so I answered it.  Sure enough, it was their
mom.  She introduced herself as "Michelle."  I did as I told the boys, and
offered Michelle to watch her sons, until she got back later that night.
She told me that she always felt guilty for leaving them alone, but their
father had passed away two years ago.  When she moved away from the east
coast, to get away from those memories ... she also left all her relatives
there.  All the help, she could have -- from her relatives, was still on
the east coast.

She was very relieved that I offered to watch her sons for her.

I took a shower, and put on some shorts and a t-shirt.

No later than I had put on my sandals, did I hear a knock at my door.  I
opened it up, and saw Ted and Tom.

"We thought it would be easier for you, if we came to your house."

I asked, "How did you know where I lived ?"

"Oh, once Tom saw you getting your paper.  He told me 445 ... so we figured
this might be where you were at."

I invited them in.  I turned on the TV ... and they switched it to the Tiny
Toons channel.  Tom and Ted immediately became engrossed in the Sponge Bob
Square Pants show.

Both boys sat down on the carpet, and I went over to one of the couches.
Seeing that they were occupied with the program ... I laid down on the
couch.  This was a 9-foot couch ... so I was able to get comfortable
quickly.  I wasn't sleepy, but closed my eyes.  I started to snicker about
how Sponge Bob sounded the same as Bart Simpson.  No sooner than I was
getting comfortable ... I was pounded by the weight of two teenagers -- one
on my legs, and the other on my stomach.  After loosing air ... I quickly
uprighted myself ... and grabbed for the shoulder of the intruders.

Both started giggling, as I put my fingers in their ribs.  Then they
started to move to-and-fro ... but still sitting on my legs and stomach.
Their weight was getting to be a bit too much, so I pulled both boys
together ... and pushed both boys to the back of the couch -- pressing
their bodies into the soft cushions.  When they realized they were loosing
the battle ... they grabbed my hands, and tried to twist them - so I would
loose my grip.  When they tried that, I was able to move around ... and
with my weight ... I pushed the both of them into the corner of the couch.
I laid there, with both boys under me, breathing hard ... realizing they
had lost the match.

With both boys under me, I started to tease them, "OK guys ... We are going
to learn from the beginning ... that I will win every wrestling match that
you try.  OK ?"

They reluctantly said a muffled "OK."

As soon as I got off of them ... they went back to their watching tv.  I
went back to my relaxing on the couch.

About 30 seconds later, I felt the weight of both boys on my legs and
stomach again.

Figuring that I needed to be a bit more firm with them ... I grabbed both
boys into a squeezing hug.  And I said again, "Did you guys not hear me ?"

Tom said, "Yeah ... we did, but we didn't think you were being serious."

I responded, "It's not called `serious.'  Around here, you will learn that
we have respect for each other.  There will be times to play ... and there
will be times we will need to respect each other, so they can take care of
any responsibilities they may have."

"Make sense ?"

Both boys said, "Yeah."

As Sponge Bob Square Pants finishes, I notice that it is 6:00 pm.

"Since your mom won't be home until 8 pm ... you guys interested in some
pizza ?"

Ted and Tom look at me, and say, "We would love that."

I call the nearby pizza store, and order some Pepperoni pizza, with double
cheese/

As I finish ordering the pizza, I looked to where Ted and Tom are ... and I
see them talking amongst each other.

I interrupt their talking, and say, "I ordered an Extra Large Pepperoni
with Extra Cheese.  I hope you guys are ok with that."

Ted says, "Any cokes ?"

I respond, "I have apple juice in the refrigerator, or you can have water."

"We'll have water," Ted says.

Ted and Tom go back to watching whatever cartoon is on tv ... and I go back
to my couch.  I close my eyes, and figure, "Things are good."

A few minutes later, and the doorbell rings.  Expecting the pizza guy, I
get to the front door with the money, and look through the peep-hole.

I open the door ... but it's not the pizza guy.


If you have any comments for me, feel free to email me at
scamper10002@yahoo.com