Date: Sun, 19 Sep 2010 15:51:26 -0700
From: Zack McNaught <zackmcnaught@hotmail.com>
Subject: Haley

DISCLAIMER: I'm not sure there even needs to be a disclaimer here. This is
a romantic love story, and there's no sex in it. A man falls for a thirteen
year old boy. If reading even something that soft is illegal where you are:
(a) you have my sympathies, and (b) I'd stop reading now if I were you!

Zack Mack
zackmcnaught@hotmail.com :: www.asstr.org/~zack/ :: twitter.com/zackmcnaught


Haley (M/t, romance)

1.

"I think there's been some sort of mistake, Michel."

His face looked as though he had trodden in something unpleasant.

"M. McNaught, I do not make `mistakes'."

I'd only known Michel Girault for a couple of hours, and already I could
tell this was typical of him. I would come to know the always exquisitely
dressed little Frenchman a great deal better in the coming years, and he
would never change.

"This isn't the kind of apartment I was told I was getting."

"No?"

I could tell that this didn't rank too highly on his list of problems to
deal with.

"I wasn't expecting something so... spacious."

Never look a gift horse in the mouth, they say. I should've just accepted
it, or perhaps have realised what it represented. Perhaps a little
background will clear the sediment from these muddy waters; please allow me
to explain myself.

I'm an environmental scientist, specialising in marine ecosystems. This was
my first job working for the US government, and I was entering the bizarre
and convoluted world of oil exploration. I was employed to produce an
environmental impact assessment for a proposed drilling programme.

At the time, I had no idea that a negative report from me would knock the
programme on the head before it even got started. I had no idea I had that
kind of power – if I had known, I would have been a little more
suspicious about the sudden upgrade in accommodation.

"I can assure you, M. McNaught, that there is nothing incorrect here," said
Michel, glancing at his notebook. He would never be seen without that
notebook, or one of its successors, in all the time that I knew him.

"Ok, as long as you're sure."

"M. McNaught, I could be no more sure."

I left Michel to attend to a few details with the apartment agent and
wandered through the vast expanse of the open living space to the balcony
doors. I slid back the huge pane of glass, marvelling at how something so
large could move so easily, and stepped out onto the wooden boards of the
balcony.

Immediately the warm, salty breeze blowing in off the sea brushed my
face. The scent of the ocean was something I would come to think of as an
old friend over the years I spent in Florida, but for now it was something
new and wonderful. I could see the waves breaking on the shore over to the
left, the main strip of our little community to the right, and straight
down beneath the window was quite possibly the most surprisingly massive
pool I'd ever seen in an apartment complex. At this point in time, with the
warm afternoon sun beating down on the water, it was majestic. The lithe
form of a young swimmer was making its way rapidly up and down, dragging a
bulky pair of white board shorts through the water. It was as if a
Hollywood director had carefully set the scene. I smiled to myself at the
perfection of it all and turned back into the apartment.

2.

I sat down and flicked on the television. As was threatening to become all
too predictable, it was hooked up to every channel possible. I sighed,
because realisation had just dawned that for the next six months the TV
would be my best friend. I had been briefed on the realities of being the
EIA reporter – everyone would be pleasant towards me, but I would still
leave the place having made no real friends.

 I would end up annoying one or other of the parties involved, and would
probably leave town under a bit of a cloud. The chance to do something
truly positive had swayed my mind despite all of the warnings – at the
end of the day, I would be ensuring that the environment was safeguarded
against the threat posed by drilling, and that meant more than making a few
enemies.

Leaving the TV running, I got up and walked around the stark, empty
apartment. The very few possessions I had brought with me made little or no
impact on the space around me. It echoed, and was cold, unwelcoming. I
began to think of ways to spend the relocation budget I had been given.

I gravitated to the balcony again. Now the breeze was cool, bringing a
sweet tang on the air. I looked down at the water, a black mirror to the
night sky, the bright stars reflected in its wavering surface. With a surge
of rather childish excitement, I realised that there was nothing at all
stopping me going down there right now and taking a dip. As if to encourage
me, the underwater lights chose that moment to flicker into life, turning
the pool a vivid shade of aquamarine.

I rummaged through my clothing, and after a few brief moments of panic
managed to find some trunks.

3.

The water was wonderful. Slightly cooler than the humid air which all of
the residents excluded in favour of air conditioning, it was the perfect
tonic for sore muscles and a tired mind. I swum lazily back and forth a few
times, feeling the tension of the last few days leave my mind. I felt
myself returning to a happier place.

When I finally heaved myself out of the water I was surprised at quite how
weak I felt. I sat heavily on the side of the pool, puffing slightly and
wondering how I'd let myself get so out of shape.

"Nice night for it, dude."

I jumped, in an alarming and frankly embarrassing fashion. Turning my head,
I was confronted with a young lad, maybe twelve or thirteen, I couldn't
really tell. Though there was no way of being sure, I thought he may have
been the boy I'd seen earlier in the pool. He had shaggy brown hair,
highlighted in blonde tones by the sun. His skater shorts and short sleeved
shirt were matched by the board hanging from his right hand.

"Yeah," I replied. "Looked too good to refuse."

I stood and faced him, dripping somewhat, and extended a hand.

"Zack."

He took the proffered hand and shook it, his grip light, and yet solid.

"Haley. You the new guy in number 2? Are you British?"

"Yes, and yes," I answered, with a smile. "I'm here for a few months. Maybe
we'll see each other around?"

He smiled shyly, and shrugged.

"Yeah, maybe."

I watched him disappear into the apartment building. If all of the other
residents were as friendly, perhaps this wouldn't be so lonely a time after
all.

4.

The other residents were as welcoming, it turned out, perhaps even more
so. By the end of my first week I'd been invited to a dozen dinners and two
separate rooftop barbeques. I wasn't even aware that the complex had
apartments with rooftop terraces, though when I saw them I suddenly
realised that my earlier perceptions of my own apartment were somewhat
overblown.

I attended every event I was invited to. I was naturally a shy person, but
the move to the States had given me the opportunity to be someone I wasn't
back in the UK. I could be outgoing, be a different man altogether. It
worked, too – because I could act a role, I could talk to people more
easily, and in fact I ended up just being me, but a more confident version
of me.

I began to learn a little more about who lived around me, too. There were
Bob and Helen, in the apartment above, for instance, retired now and living
a relaxed life on the coast. And of course there was Haley, who lived
directly across from me at number 6, with his mother, Jeanna, a successful
lawyer who always seemed to be working on a case, and was therefore rarely
home.

As for me, I managed to get up early and therefore get home early. With
only myself to answer to for the time being, and only needing access to
records for which I didn't require anyone's assistance, I was able to make
my own schedule. I decided that I was quite happy to work from seven in the
morning until three in the afternoon, and then have a decent block of time
to myself while the sun was still up.

I settled very happily into a routine of getting home and going straight
down to the pool, which I usually had to myself on week days. At the
weekend the rhythm of the place seemed to change somewhat – seemingly
from nowhere children of all ages would materialise, filling the pool to
bursting point. I discovered these were the grandchildren, nieces and
nephews of my fellow residents, and each Saturday when it was warm would be
spent having a grand communal pool party.

I always excused myself from attending, feeling somewhat out of place
without a family of my own, but would instead content myself with reading a
book or the newspaper on my balcony. More than once in those first few
weeks I spotted Haley coming out onto his balcony and looking down at the
mob, shaking his head slightly as if annoyed or disbelieving. I think he
thought the pool was his territory, and wasn't so happy that it was being
invaded each week. On one occasion he caught my eye across the gap and gave
me an exaggerated shrug before turning back into his apartment.

5.

I slotted so easily into life at the apartments that I was surprised to
discover one day that I was already a third of the way through my
secondment. Work was going well, because it was a fairly cut and dried
situation, and that rather disguised the fact that the time was really
moving by.

The level to which I had become a part of the community was demonstrated
one afternoon when I was disturbed from my reading by a knock at the
door. Opening it, I was confronted with the stern visage of one of the
local officers of the law. I panicked at first, wondering what I could have
done to cause my arrest. My mind immediately turned to the private thoughts
I had been having about certain people. But they couldn't read your mind,
could they?

I needn't have worried so much. Very politely the officer asked if he could
have a few minutes of my time. I assented, and he followed me into my
apartment. After refusing the offer of a drink, he explained why he was
there.

"Sir, are you familiar with a one Jeanna Oslette?"

"Yes, she's a neighbour of mine. Lives with her son over in number 6. Is
something up?"

"We've been trying to contact Ms Oslette, but have been unable to do so."

"Oh, well, she's usually in court at this time, or at her offices. Have you
tried there?"

"Yes, sir, she's not been there today, though apparently that is not
unusual in her line of work. Having failed to contact her, we were asked to
talk to you."

"Me?" I asked, incredulous. "Who asked you to talk to me?"

"Haley Oslette, sir, Ms Oslette's son. Apparently you two are familiar."

"Yeah, I've seen Haley around the building. Why would he ask you to talk to
me?"

"Sir, Haley's been in a bit of trouble. Nothing he's done wrong, just got
on the wrong side of some unpleasant kids. We need to ensure that he is
looked after until his mother can be around. I asked him to suggest someone
we might call, and he said that you were always in during the afternoons,
and that we should talk to you. He didn't have a number for you, so we had
to come down."

"Oh, I see," I lied. I wasn't quite sure what was going on. What kind of
trouble could he get himself into? And why would he ask them to call me?

"So, can we bring him up here, sir?"

"Oh, yeah, of course."

6.

It was twenty minutes later. Haley was sitting watching my TV, and I had
just finished chatting to the two police officers about what had happened
and the possible reasons why Haley had asked for me to be called, of which
there were very few indeed.

They finally left me alone with him, and I wandered back into the living
room to see how he was getting on. For a second I just looked at him –
he was going to have a serious black eye, and the cut on his cheek had been
serious enough to need those little sticky strips you get these days
instead of stitches. He looked a bit of a mess, quite frankly, and my heart
went out to him. Unless he really caused someone else some damage, there
was no way he'd won the fight.

"Don't s'pose you want to tell me what happened, do you?"

He was hugging one of my cushions, knees drawn up, feet on the edge of the
sofa.

"No."

Well, at least he'd spoken, which is more than he'd done up to that point.

"Ok, well, we'll just have to stay here until your mum gets back."

"It's ok, I can go home if you want," he said, though with little
enthusiasm. "I have a key, you know."

"Yeah, I know, mate. I'm happy for you to stay here, though, if you
want. To be honest, it's nice having someone else around."

He sat there motionless, apparently content to stay. I watched him over the
next few minutes as the tension slowly began to leave his body. He still
hugged the cushion like a protective blanket, but his feet moved to the
floor, and he leaned back against the sofa. For a few brief moments it
almost seemed as though nothing had happened, as though he had simply come
over to watch basketball highlights with me. It was a nice feeling, but
false. Funny how being very alone in a foreign country can make the
smallest friendships seem much more significant than they are.

The spell couldn't last, because Haley hadn't come over to watch TV and
hang out with me. He'd come over because his mother couldn't be contacted,
and as soon as she came home and found the note I'd popped out and left on
their apartment door, she was banging on mine.

"Where is he?" she asked as I opened the door, rushing past me and finding
Haley on the sofa.

Embarrassed by his mother's actions as any normal teenager would be, Haley
made every effort to avoid his mother's hug, but couldn't manage it for
long. I could hear her crying in amongst the inevitable questions with
which she was peppering him. Feeling rather conspicuous, as if I were
invading on some private moment, I quickly ducked into the kitchen and
pretended to be fascinated by the contents of my fridge.

I heard them talking in low tones for a few minutes, and then heard the
front door closing. Jeanna came into the kitchen, looking like she had the
weight of the world on her shoulders.

"Zack, I don't know how to thank you enough for that. I'm so sorry you were
disturbed"

I tried to be as reassuring as I could be.

"It's fine, Jeanna. No problem at all. Is he going to be ok?"

She shrugged.

"Honestly, I have no idea. He won't talk to me at all, won't tell me why it
happened. I don't s'pose he told you what went on?"

"No, nothing. I thought it was better to just leave him to it, so we just
watched the NBA highlights."

Jeanna nodded, as if agreeing.

"Well, I'd better go and make us some food or something. Thanks, Zack."

I gave her another reassuring smile, and watched as she disappeared out of
the kitchen. When I heard the door banging shut, I let out a huge sigh. I
wasn't even aware I'd been holding my breath.

7.

I went for a swim. It seemed like a good way to get rid of the tension. I
couldn't even work out why I was so tense. There was a knot in the pit of
my stomach, though, and swimming always relaxed me.

About ten minutes in, as I was approaching the end of one of my laps, I
looked up and saw a bare pair of feet at the pool's edge. I stopped and
stood in the shallow end, looking up at Haley. He was wearing his swimming
kit, and had a wry smile curling the corner of his mouth.

"Do you mind if I join you?"

I was a little taken aback by the question. Of course I didn't mind. Why
would I mind?

"It's your pool, too, Haley. Of course you can swim."

"Cool, thanks."

He jumped into the pool and we spent the next twenty minutes or so swimming
together. Haley, I discovered, was a prodigiously talented swimmer, putting
in at least two lengths for each of mine. I tired eventually, and hauled
myself out onto the pool's edge. Haley swam another couple of lengths, and
then pulled himself up next to me.

For the first time, I really looked at him. Not just saw him, but really
looked at him. I don't know why stared that way, but something in me had
changed, and I began to notice that Haley wasn't just a little boy. He was
beginning to become a young man, albeit only just beginning. I'd not yet
come out to my neighbours and co-workers, but as a gay man there was a lot
to notice.

He was about five foot four, and really quite slender. Not toned, yet, but
the puppy fat was gone. His limbs were skinny, the bones of his elbows
quite pronounced, and his knees jutted out. He was a skater boy, and often
skated without his t-shirt on, I knew that much. The sun had lent his skin
a glorious tone, a bit like light brown sugar. The water which dotted it
highlighted quite how smooth and youthful it still was, his bare arms and
legs devoid of all but the lightest dusting of soft, blonde hair. His
graceful neck held up a head shrouded in damp, straggly brown hair,
bleached blonde in the sun and then darkened again by the water which
drenched it.

He turned his head and smiled at me, meeting my eye. My God they were blue,
his eyes. They almost had to be, in that face. High cheekbones, a button
nose with freckles scattered across its bridge and a mouth made for
kissing. Yes, the eyes deserved to be the deepest pools of blue heaven, eye
to get lost in for hours, eyes to give you the feeling in the pit of your
stomach.

Oh shit. Had I really just thought that? Oh no, I had, hadn't I? I'd
imagined kissing him. My heart jumped into my throat. This was not good,
not good at all. I was sitting less than six inches to his right, his bare
skin so close to touching my own. I began to shake with excitement, unable
to control myself.

"Getting a bit chilly out here, isn't it?" he said, no trace of mocking in
his tone.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. As I glanced across, I could see
goosebumps forming on his perfect skin. Perhaps it really was cooling off,
as the sun disappeared behind the apartment buildings.

"Well, I have to get inside," he said, after a few moments of silence,
filled with ever heightening tension.

As he got to his feet, the damp material of his board shorts clinging
tightly to his lithe form, I found myself checking him out. Not in the way
I had before, but in the way I looked at hot guys at the beach, or at the
gym. It wasn't a conscious thing, not a deliberate act on my part.

I glanced only momentarily, and saw very little, but as I stood under the
steaming water of the shower in my apartment ten minutes later, I felt
myself becoming aroused at the picture in my mind's eye. As the damning
evidence of my terrible act washed away down the drain, I felt the familiar
feelings of guilt flooding my body. This wasn't the first time I had felt
such inappropriate emotions.

8.

It wasn't the reason I'd left the UK, but I can't say I hadn't been
relieved to be removing myself from temptation. The job offer came at just
the right time, and I jumped at it.

Daniel was fourteen, so a year older than Haley. A year less inappropriate,
I suppose, but being twice his age I don't imagine that distinction
mattered at all. He was the son of a close friend, a girl I'd met at
university. She was a mature student, and a single mum, just like Jeanna.

Daniel turned up rather unexpectedly when Sarah was only seventeen, and
she'd missed her first chance at university. We met on our course, and
quickly became good friends. Had we been closer in age perhaps something
might have happened between us – at that point, I hadn't realised I was
gay. Don't ask how. But nothing ever came of it, and Sarah became the
friend who would first receive the confession of my sexuality four years
later.

After graduation, we were both struggling to make it in the real
world. Marine Biology is a great degree, but it's rather hard to find
fitting jobs if that's what you're interested in doing as a career. We
eventually hit upon the idea of sharing a small two bed house, with
intention of going our own ways as soon as we could afford it, or as soon
as one or other of us was in a serious relationship.

Neither seemed to happen all that soon, though. It was comfortable living
with Sarah and Daniel, and so we never really made the effort to move
apart. At the beginning, when Daniel was seven, he shared a room with his
mum, but as time went by he became less and less happy with the idea, and
ended up sharing with me instead. That meant every time I had a boyfriend
(by this time I was out) I had to go to his place if I wanted any fun, but
that didn't happen as often as I would have liked, and actually Daniel and
I became like brothers sharing our room.

Poverty didn't last forever, though. Eventually I got a job with the
university, and Sarah managed to find work in a marine park. We both had
the money to move into our own places at last, and yet somehow it didn't
happen. We upgraded, shared the deposit on a three bed house, and finally
we all had our own space to exist, as separate entities.

I didn't miss sharing with Daniel. He was a great boy, but was just
beginning to feel the oncoming rush of hormones that signalled puberty, and
it was messing with his head. Occasionally he would flip, and become a
little monster, with a horrendous temperament. When he was like that he was
always sent to his room, and so having a space of my own without an angry
boy in it was certainly a bonus.

Things went along fairly ordinarily for the next few years. I grew into my
role at the university, and whether through luck or judgement managed to
publish a few papers which gained a little recognition. All this time,
Daniel was growing from a gawky little kid into a young man, with the odd
hiccup along the way.

The biggest hiccup of all came when he was fourteen years old. He'd only
recently had his birthday, and with no-one else to treat in my life I had
gone to the extent of buying him a laptop of his own. Sarah had been
shocked, and had at first insisted that he couldn't accept the gift, but
later admitted to me that she thought it was a wonderful thing to have
done.

Daniel took to it immediately, as teenagers tend to. He became a little bit
of a recluse at first, spending hours in his bedroom on Facebook and all
those sites. At least, we had thought he was on Facebook. As it turned out,
he was visiting the kind of sites young lads will tend to visit, even if
their parents would prefer to think of them as still innocent.

We discovered exactly what he had been looking at by accident. We shared a
lot of the mundane jobs around the house, including doing the laundry. I
had just folded a load of dry clothes and was dropping a bundle of Daniel's
stuff on the bed in his room for him to put away once he'd finished in the
shower. His laptop was on the bed, and as I carefully put down the
tottering tower of clothing, the backs of my knuckles brushed the touch pad
of the computer.

I suppose there's a school of thought which says he should have locked the
computer. Or at least shut the browser window. Either way, he had done
nothing to prevent the screensaver disappearing and a picture of a rather
large, very hard penis attached to a cute young man appearing on the
screen. My first reaction was "oh shit, what if Daniel sees that I saw
that?", my second was "shit, Daniel might be gay!", and my third was utter
dread, because at that moment I heard a gasp from the doorway. There,
wrapped only in a towel and with dripping wet hair, was Daniel.

He stormed into the room, slammed shut the lid of the laptop, and shouted
at me to get out.

Things were pretty bad between us for a number of weeks, but when finally
Daniel stopped hating me, he instead turned to me for advice. After all, I
was a gay man, and one he knew well. After reassuring me that his sexuality
had in no way been influenced by my own, he started to ask all sorts of
questions.

I tried to be neutral, I really did. Daniel was like a little brother to
me, as I've already said. But the reality was that, as we chatted, I began
to appraise Daniel differently. I began to look at his beautiful warm brown
eyes, his little upturned nose, his wonderful shy smile. He kicked the
tantrum habit in those few weeks, too, becoming something much more akin to
younger Daniel, and a thousand times more likeable for it.

If it had been limited to my dreams and fantasies, I would have been able
to cope, but after three or four weeks of Daniel and I having long, deep
and meaningful conversations I began to notice him flirting with me. It was
pretty subtly done, which surprised me a little given his inexperience in
such things, but there was a definite overtone to our relationship. It took
me a few days to work out what was going on, but by the time I was
`accidentally' afforded a brief but very explicit view of his young body I
knew something was up.

The reality was that with his newly emerging sexuality taking his body by
storm, Daniel needed something to direct it at. That something, or rather
someone, was me, because I was convenient and gay. I'm not sure it was even
a conscious thing on his part, just a reaction to the circumstances. Daniel
became massively provocative, in both word and deed, and the worst part was
that I found myself beginning to wonder if it wouldn't be such a bad thing
to give in after all.

The logic seemed straight forward at first. He was horny. He obviously knew
what he was doing. He understood the implications. Oh yes, he was a bit
young, but I remember at his age being absolutely certain that I wanted to
have lots of sex, and that adults were keeping something from me. All these
things justified it in my mind for at least five minutes, until the
daydream stopped and reality hit home – as sexy as Daniel was becoming,
there was no way I could give in to my desires. No way. Full stop.

Frankly, the letter came just in time. My research really had been noted,
it turned out, and now, contrary to all probability, the US government was
after me to work as an environmental advisor. Only when I followed it up
did I realise that my old professor was on the advisory board, proving once
again that it's not what you know, it's who you know.

I jumped at the chance to remove myself from a situation which would have
had one ending, and one ending alone – heartbreak for Daniel and jail
time for me. Sarah was sad to see me going, but Daniel was even worse. He
behaved as though I had betrayed him, as though I had plunged a knife into
his heart. He became so distressed that in the end Sarah and I, on the
night before I was due to fly to the States, sat down and had a very frank
and honest conversation. She was left a little the wiser about her son and
the problems he faced.

9.

Which brings us neatly back to Florida, and my growing physical attraction
to Haley. It didn't take a genius to realise that falling for two separate
lads in a short space of time wasn't some kind of freaky
coincidence. Clearly I had a bit of a thing for boys. I wish I could say I
was particularly disgusted with myself, but I wasn't. I'd already gone
through a massive phase of self-loathing and then acceptance about my
sexuality, and wasn't about to go through it again. I was a bit messed up,
sure, by I didn't hate myself, and quite frankly I wasn't even that
shocked.

I analysed it, studied my attraction, tried to discern what it was about
the boy which caught my eye. In the end, it came down to the fact that I
just found him really attractive, both physically and emotionally. I
couldn't tell you why, any more than I could explain what drives some men
to like skinny blondes with big tits – it's just that way and there's
nothing anyone can do about it.

I decided there and then that rather than running away this time, I would
face my daemons and see where it took me. It would mean resisting, and I
hoped that I would have the will power to do so.

10.

There's something to be said for the modern world, with single working mums
everywhere. Oh yeah, of course it's not the ideal society, but is does have
certain fringe benefits.

Jeanna was working all hours, again. This I discovered from Haley as he
settled into the sofa and accepted the Coke I handed him with a `thanks'
and a cute smile. It had become almost a regular thing, us two hanging out
together and watching whatever was on ESPN, to the point that Jeanna called
my apartment if she ever got home and Haley wasn't there. It was as likely
as not that he would be at mine.

This time his mother was going to be out of town until the following
afternoon. I was out on the balcony reading a book in the late afternoon
sun when he emerged onto his own. He waved and gave me a grin, and as soon
as I shouted over to ask if he wanted to come and watch some sport he
disappeared back into his apartment, only to be opening the door to mine
less than sixty seconds later.

I could give you a blow by blow account of every last word we spoke that
evening. It's etched onto my memory. But I think the edited highlights are
a bit more interesting, and so we'll jump to the point where the bet was
made. That stupid, damned bet.

"Phoenix are going to win, you know," he said.

"No way!" I replied, with my vast (read: non-existent) knowledge of
American sports to back me up. "Chicago all the way!"

"Oh yeah, of course," he replied, voice laden with sarcasm. "If you're so
sure, why don't we have a little bet about it?"

"Ok, fine. How does five dollars sound?"

"Um, well, I don't really have much money or anything."

"So, what were you planning to wager?" I asked.

He sat there in silence for a few moments, pondering what he could put
up. When finally he spoke, his voice caught a little.

"Well, how about the loser does ten lengths in the pool?"

I shrugged. Didn't seem that bad a deal even if I lost. It was a humid
night, a swim would be perfect.

"Ok," I said.

"But they have to do it naked!" he cried.

Oh. Well, now suddenly this was a different matter. I couldn't leave him
hanging there, and so I had to race through the internal struggle as fast
as I could. On the one hand, the responsible adult part of me, the part
which was trying to resist temptation, was screaming at me not to take the
bet. On the other, the part of me which was beginning to be infatuated with
this young boy was egging me on. It was as though I were a moth drawn to
the flame, unable to resist. Feebly, I accepted the bet.

11.

Of course, Phoenix won. There was no possibility in the world that Haley
was going to lose the bet. I was always destined to be the one doing the
dare. I should have realised before I agreed that the fates took it upon
themselves to make me look like an idiot as frequently as possible.

Which is how I came to be standing in the deepest black shadows beneath the
canopy which fronted the apartment building. Between me and the relative
safety of the pool, with its underwater lights turned off, there lay a
strip of concrete maybe twelve feet wide which was lit by the various
security lights which glowed all night long. I was already naked as they
day I was born, my hands cupped across my genitals. Despite the shadows, I
held no illusions regarding my invisibility, or lack thereof.

I could see Haley on my balcony, looking down. I wondered if he could see
me in the shadows, then realised that he couldn't, as he scanned back and
forth looking for me. Well, then, this was it. This was the moment. With a
sharp intake of breath, I ran out and dived as noiselessly as I could into
the pool.

It dawned on me about half way through my third frantic lap that actually
this wasn't so bad after all. Nobody could properly see me without the pool
lights on, and the water felt fantastic on my naked body. I loved the feel
of it rushing past my unclothed form, and started to slow down to
appreciate the sensation. I was just getting properly into my stride when
something pale shot past at close range.

At this point I panicked. Who the hell else was in the pool, and had they
noticed my state of undress? I stopped at the end of the length and wiped
the water from my eyes, scanning around the pool. There, right at the far
end, swimming much faster than I could, was the lithe form of my
companion. I realised with a jolt to the stomach that it was Haley. What
shocked me even more was the realisation that, from what I'd seen, he had
joined in the dare too.

12.

He swam up and joined me crouching in the shallow end, trying not to let on
to anyone who might be watching the fact that beneath the water we were
both quite naked. There was a faraway look in his eyes, as if he were
seeing something other in his mind's eye than he was in real life. He
smiled at me, a gentle, shy smile, and said,

"It looked so nice and cool. I thought I might as well join you."

"A little too cool, maybe," I replied, running my hand over the goosebumps
which had formed on his upper arm. I let my hand linger there, feeling his
smooth skin, the way it flowed over his skeleton beneath. Slowly I grasped
harder until his shoulder was enclosed in my grip, and with him held so I
pulled him closer through the water, until his face was mere inches from my
own.

His eyes had been downcast, embarrassed, but now he raised them and met my
gaze, his expression almost one of defiance. We both knew what was coming,
though for a moment I wondered if my imagination was getting the better of
me. Banishing those thoughts from my mind, I leaned forward to kiss him, my
other hand going to the back of his head to guide him closer to me.

As our lips touched, an electric shock went through me.

13.

I awoke with a start, my arm trapped beneath my body and my hand covered,
it turned out, in my own emissions. It was some time in the early hours, I
guessed, and I was lying face down on my bed, naked. The window was open,
letting in the gentle chirping of the cicadas outsides, as well as a cool,
fresh breeze, and the earthy scent of heavy rain.

Rising, I flicked on the light in my bathroom and washed my hands, before
splashing a little cold water over my face. I returned to my bedroom,
noticing for the first time that a dull blue light shone beneath the door
to the living room. I slipped on a pair of shorts and opened the door.

Haley was asleep on the sofa, the TV still on, sound down low. His shoes
and socks were on the floor nearby, the socks neatly rolled and placed in
the left sneaker. A cushion was his pillow, and he snored softly. The same
breeze which disturbed the air of my bedroom came in through the open
balcony doors; there was a slight chill to the air, and I quickly found a
spare blanket and covered him with it.

I stood there for a moment, feeling guilty about the dream I'd had, as if I
could have controlled it. He looked so peaceful and innocent that I felt
almost as though I had violated him with my unconscious thoughts. I sighed
heavily and wandered out to the balcony.

The pool lights were on, as they always would be, giving lie to my
poorly-constructed fantasy. So many things were wrong with the dream –
they always were, in hindsight. It had seemed so real in my sleep, but now
it was apparent that our naked swim was nothing more than wishful thinking.

I was just turning to head back inside when I saw a light coming on over
the way, in Haley's apartment. It was the kitchen light, and immediately I
recognised Jeanna walking around, still dressed in her suit. I glanced at
my watch – the only thing I was wearing other than my shorts – and
was surprised to find that it was only half past eleven. Jeanna was meant
to be out until the following day – that part of the tale was true
enough – but had clearly come home early. Grabbing the security card and
my spare keys, I nipped out of the front door of my apartment and headed
over to theirs.

14.

Jeanna was somewhat surprised to see me, as you might expect, but quickly
invited me in. Suddenly I was very glad I had grabbed a t-shirt on the way
out of the door.

"Haley's asleep on my sofa," I explained as I passed her and followed her
direction into the kitchen, sitting down at the breakfast bar. Jeanna went
back to making herself a sandwich of epic proportions.

"Thanks Zack. When did he come over?"

"About eight o'clock. We did the usual sports watching thing together. He
told me you'd be out all night so I didn't want to force him to come home."

"Thanks, that was kind. I was meant to be staying overnight for an early
meeting, but it was cancelled so I changed my ticket and came home
early. Thought it might be nice for him if I was around when he woke up."

She gave me a wry smile.

"Well, I'll tell him as soon as he wakes up that you're home," I said. "Or
should I just go and wake him up?"

"Oh, no, leave him there. If that's ok with you?"

"Yeah, it's fine, no problem," I replied.

We chatted for a few minutes longer, about nothing in particular, before I
headed home. Only as I returned to my bed did I realise quite how exhausted
I was.

 15.

Haley was unexpectedly excited about his mother's early return. It was a
Friday, and his school was closed for the day for some Founder's Day type
occasion. With Jeanna's suddenly free schedule, there was now ample time
for them to spend a day together, a rare occurrence in their household.

I myself was having a long weekend, treating myself to a couple of days
leave either side, and was thinking about wandering down to the local book
shop and spending a leisurely morning looking around and having a coffee,
before heading to the beach in the afternoon and having a walk among the
rock-pools there. For a marine biologist, I spent surprisingly little time
on the beach, and wanted to experience it before I left.

I wandered across the sand, feeling its gritty texture between my toes and
revelling in the salty breeze which enveloped me. Gulls circled high
overhead, eyes on the water, looking for shoals of bait fish to devour.

As I walked, I reflected on the time I had spent in Florida. The work was
easy, and interesting, but to a certain extent I had struggled to settle. I
came to the conclusion that this was because I didn't want to form
attachments to any of the people around me, because I would be leaving so
soon.

Five months and one week of my time had gone by. The report was largely
done, and we were just waiting for some poll results to come in. I had a
week to finish and submit it, and then there would be two weeks of
digestion and consultancy before my time was up. I'd spoken to my boss, who
had another assessment lined up to start three or four weeks after the end
of the current one, up in Alaska. I was already thinking about travelling
there, because it would come as a relief to be gone.

That's right, a relief. Because I was falling for Haley, in the same way I
had fallen for Daniel. His smile, his laughter, his little wisecracks, his
intelligence. Oh, of course, his good looks, too. He was a long way from
being an unattractive young lad. And there was that indefinable attraction,
for all kinds of reasons which cannot be written down.

I had reached a rock wall I couldn't traverse, and turned back on myself,
realising with a start that the apartment block was barely visible on the
horizon. I'd never walked this far down the beach before, and looking down
at my watch noted that I had been wandering for more than an hour.

I cut up from the beach to a short strip of shops, finding a cafe where I
could sit in the shade for a while, sipping on an ice cold Coke and
watching the world go by. There were a few young lads about, I assumed
compatriots of Haley's on the basis they weren't in school. I watched them
for a while as they tried to perform tricks on their skateboards. All were
without their shirts, and I felt a depressing, familiar lurch in my stomach
at the sight. Damn.

16.

I jumped at the metallic scraping of one of the cafe chairs on the concrete
of the pavement. Looking up, I found myself staring into the smiling face
of Michel.

"May I?" he asked, though I felt that my answer was irrelevant – he was
going to sit down regardless.

"Of course," I replied. "How are you, Michel? I've not seen you in the
offices for a while."

"I have been busy, Zark."

That's how he pronounced it, `Zark'. Always got a smile from me.

"Anything interesting?"

"Oh no, nothing in which you may be interested. Unless, M. McNaught, you
wish to work for the evil oil company?"

He said it with one raised eyebrow, as if it were a deep, dark
conspiracy. Nevertheless, I shook my head.

"No, thanks, Michel."

"You do not want even to know what is the job?"

I shrugged. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to hear it.

"Very well. The company, they are looking for an environmental officer. It
is a permanent position, Zark. It comes with the apartment. You are not
interested?"

I smiled and shrugged my shoulders.

"I would be finding excuses for them to do evil things, Michel. I'm not
sure I could live with myself!" I laughed.

"Very well. But you will miss it here, no?"

"Well, I can't deny that, Michel. I mean, look at that view."

The sweep of my arm unintentionally took in the young skater lads, a fact I
realised with some embarrassment when Michel, with a wicked glint in his
eye, said,

"Quite, Zark, quite."

We chatted about work for a few minutes longer, before Michel announced
that he must be gone.

"Just before you go, Michel," I said, "what bought you down here this
afternoon? It's nowhere near the offices or the marine station."

"The view, of course, Zark, the view."

He gave me a sly smile, threw enough notes on the table to cover both of
our bills, and stalked off along the street, his gaze shrouded by
sunglasses which undoubtedly cost more than my monthly wage. I saw his head
turn slightly as he passed the skaters and chuckled to myself.

17.

Fast forward a few weeks. The report was in, and the company were
ecstatic. The reality was that their programme really didn't stand much
chance of causing long term damage, even if there was an accident. Parts of
this coastline represented absolutely vital ecosystems, but this particular
stretch was strangely sterile, the result of an odd confluence of currents
which made it difficult to form anything permanent.

There weren't even that many objections from the environmental lobby –
with limited resources they had to concentrate on the really important
fights, and this wasn't one of those, especially with the company making
all sorts of noises about their new social programme. I'd seen from the
inside that they really did appear to be investing in cleaner ways of doing
things, though I knew that there was an economic advantage for them doing
so. It was a lot cheaper to prevent environmental objections rather than
fighting them in court.

So it was that I found myself doing the rounds of my neighbours and
inviting the whole apartment complex to a leaving party in my
flat. Although I couldn't accept anything from the company for my positive
report, there had apparently been a mix-up of some sort with a local
supplier of some kind and suddenly there were five crates of beer sitting
on my doorstep. No-one at the supplier would accept that they weren't mine
and that I hadn't paid for them. They insisted they had my credit card
details and my signature, and that since I'd ordered the beer, and it was
perishable, they couldn't take it back.

18.

I'd been a bit late organising things, and so it was the day before I was
intending to leave that I had everyone round for a bit of a farewell. It
was my opportunity to say thanks to all of them for accepting me into their
little world so eagerly. Despite my negativity about the personal side of
the job, I realised I had made some rather good friends here, and if I was
to stay any longer, some of them would definitely have ended up on the
Christmas card list.

Although I had the apartment for a few weeks longer, my job was done and I
intended to take a holiday. I'd not really planned anywhere, and as I
chatted to people throughout the night I was bombarded with a wealth of
suggestions, from the ridiculous to the extremely attractive. The best of
all of the ideas was packing my stuff up into a trailer, hitching it to the
back of a truck (a truck in the American sense), and driving my way up to
the job in Alaska. No planning required, just a map and a credit card.

I was stunned by quite how many people turned up to say goodbye, though I
imagine when word got around about the crates of beer which had been
spotted stacked up outside my door, a few `maybes' became `definites'. One
presence sorely missed, though, was Haley. In fact, he'd been avoiding me
ever since he had discovered that I was leaving. It wasn't as though he was
unaware – after all, I had mentioned it on several occasions over the
months – but the notion that I wasn't a permanent presence in the
apartment building, and more importantly his life, seemed to hit him hard.

I was both upset and pleased by this. It's always nice to know that you're
important to someone, that they want you around. But it was upsetting
because I knew that my feelings for Haley weren't the nice, safe platonic
ones I would have preferred them to be. I was so angry with myself for
falling for him like this, for ruining something so innocent and special,
for tainting our friendship with adult overtones.

Jeanna noticed right away that I'd spotted his absence.

"He's gone out skating, Zack. Said he didn't want to go to some `dorky'
party. And that's a direct quote. Is it bad that I think he should be past
using a kid's word like that?"

I laughed at her, and pointed out that it was probably better than
profanity, to which she reluctantly agreed. We chatted pleasantly for a
while about nothing in particular, and in fact we got on like a house on
fire, until she happened to throw a spanner in the works.

"It's a shame you're not sticking around longer, Zack. Haley could have
done with someone like you around to talk to. I think he's going to have
some tough times ahead."

"I'm sorry," I replied. "Like me how?"

"You know, Zack, gay."

Now, I still hadn't come out to anyone in America, so I can imagine that
the look on my face must have been priceless. It was enough to have Jeanna
dissolving into a fit of giggles, though.

"Oh, come on, Zack," she said, rather asthmatically, when her laughter had
subsided. "I know you're not exactly queening it up, but it's fairly
obvious. To me, at least. I have some experience in that area, though."

I was still struggling for words, and the back end of her sentence merely
piled confusion on top of bewilderment.

"Sorry?" was all I could manage.

"Well, don't spread this too far," she said, leaning in and lowering her
voice, "but my little boy's not exactly out there hunting down girls."

"Jeanna!" I spluttered. "He's thirteen years old! How can you possibly be
so sure of his sexuality that you're willing to go round telling people?"

"Oh, you won't tell anyone," she replied, unworried. "Besides, a mother
always knows."

The annoying thing was that she was right, too. My mother, when informed
that I was gay, immediately replied that of course I was. I wish she'd told
me a bit earlier – it would have prevented a whole awkward phase of
trying to like girls.

The party didn't last long after that. Most of the people in the apartment
block were, if not actually old, at least heading that way. We were done by
nine o'clock, but it had been a great evening, and as I bade the last
guests farewell, I let out a huge sigh of relief.

19.

I was just clearing the last of the beer bottles into the bin when there
was a gentle knock at my door. I dropped the bottles in with a clank, and
padded on bare feet down the polished stone corridor to the doorway. I
wasn't in the habit of using the peephole, so it was a surprise to see who
stood the other side of the door.

Haley had been crying, that much was evident from his red-rimmed eyes. He
looked at me, his face a medley of emotions, each trying to crowd out the
others. I didn't know what to say, so I took a couple of paces back,
implicitly inviting him in.

The heavy wooden door slammed shut behind him, the last of his anger used
to propel it. He looked at me as though I had run over his dog, and then
with a lunge grabbed me around the middle in the strongest hug I had ever
felt. His body was racked with sobs, and I could feel damp tears soaking
into my t-shirt. The familiar sinking feeling was back in the pit of my
stomach.

As I held him there, I looked over his head to the small shelf by the door
where I always dumped my mail. Sitting there, almost accusing by its very
presence, was a single page letter, on the embossed, headed notepaper of
the oil company. In three short paragraphs it offered me an amazing job,
with extraordinary pay, and a free apartment. All I had to do was sell my
soul to them.

And, I realised, love this boy.

The End


Hope you enjoyed it!

Zack

zackmcnaught@hotmail.com :: www.asstr.org/~zack/ :: twitter.com/zackmcnaught