Date: Wed, 23 Apr 2003 06:31:26 -0700 (PDT) From: pixajax pixajax Subject: HelpingHand 2 [Once again, the essence of what follows is true, but dramatised to make it readable. As to the emotions I describe, I only wish that I - or indeed our language - had the words to bring them truly to life again. Well, at least if you get a hard-on reading it, that's a good sign!] Chapter 5: Deggy As I lay there that night in bed, cock in hand, I realised that I didn't even know the name of the man in the uniform. Anonymous sex. I was to become very familiar with that concept. Furtive encounters in public toilets, breathless gropings in cinemas, chance encounters in parks - this was to be my life for the next three or four years. It wasn't love, it wasn't affection, it was sex, pure and simple. And I LOVED it. What did I love? Well, my own endless ejaculations, that's for sure. But, to be honest, the ejaculations I really loved were the ones I had in solitude when I replayed in my mind the encounters I had with all those horny cocklovers. At the time - in toilet, park or cinema - what I enjoyed was knowing I could make a man happy. Crazy? Well, so be it. I am trying to find the truth in all this. What made me do what I did so willingly? A blind love of cock? Yes. I love of tasting cum on my lips? Yes, that too. The build up, from first touch to loving masturbation? Oh yes, that yes! But, overriding all of it was the buzz I got from knowing that for a brief moment I had POWER over the men that I serviced. They NEEDED me, if only for a short time. They WANTED me, if only till they could shoot their load and then call me "Kid" again, ruffle my hair and caress my boy-cock affectionately before walking out of my life. Ah! Sex is so much more complicated than we allow! But I recall one sex encounter that was anything but complicated. It was so simple that it ought to be put into the text books. I had been ruminating on this business of fucking. I still could not see how a man could put his cock into a boy's "boypussy". I had inserted my finger into myself, and it was TIGHT. I mean, no way! One day, something happened to cause me to re-think the whole wierd business. I had a friend called Deggy (Derek really, but we always seemed to corrupt names this way). He and I were into all sorts of things - "adventures" based on our love of movies, "scrumping" (ie stealing fruit), building treecamps, all those boy things. On the occasion I am thinking about, Deggy grabbed me from behind, his arms tight round my neck, a typical piece of boys' horseplay. I couldn't break his grip, so I started to "butt" him with my butt, banging back and forth against him to make him let me go. With each thrust of my butt against him, I became aware that he was getting hard. No mistaking it: he was getting a hard on as my butt banged against his groin. I slowed my assault, my whole being focussed on Deggy's burgeoning erection. I pushed backwards, forcing him against the wall. Then I bumped against him, but now in a deliberate way, wanting to make him harder and harder. I thought he would release his grip round my neck, but he didn't. He was enjoying the feeling of getting hard from the contact of his cock with my buttocks. This was no horseplay. Not any more. We were both acutely aware of what was happening, how our movements were producing sexual electricity between us. I stopped, feeling the joy of his hard cock against me. Deggy said something to break the tension, I cannot recall what. Probably "Fuckin hell", his usual reaction to most things. "You made me hard too," I said softly. He stiffened. "Feel. Give me your hand." With that, I took his hand, he willingly released his grip on my throat, and I guided it down to my throbbing hard-on. Before he could react, I turned to face him. "Guess we both got hardons, Deggy," I said quietly, looking him in the eye unsmiling. He broke away from me, embarrassed. I smiled at him "Let's do it, ok?" "Wh'what?" "Let's wank." My mind was racing ahead. I had felt his hard cock against my buttocks, and I knew that I wanted him inside me. I had never really thought about it before except in a sort of blind fantasy, but now I knew this was a golden moment not to be missed. Jeez, I didn't have the first idea of what was involved! Deggy, though, was worked up by now and had no problem indulging in a lovely wanking session with me. I offered to hold his cock for him, but he refused. OK, no problem. We "tossed off" - to use my new expression - while looking at each other. Not smiling, hell no, wanking is no smiling matter! Finally, and quickly too if I am honest, we shot our loads with an accompaniment of groans and sighs. It was nice. No doubt about that, it was so nice to masturbate with Deggy, who was, by nature or upbringing, very reserved and secretive. My mother said he was a gypsy and I shouldn't play with him - which of course made him a million times more attractive to me! The next time Deggy and I were out together, we were in an orchard where we were not supposed to be - well, it's no fun if you are ALLOWED to do things, is it? I brought the conversation round to sex. "You know what fucking is?" I asked him. "Ye......., well, sure it's .........." His voice trailed off. Like most of us, he had only the vaguest idea of the mechanism. "We could try it......" I paused "....... if you want." He was silent. "You scared?" "Nah, me? No." "You wanna try it?" "What?" "Fucking. You know, like what Harry Jones and Siggy Miner did that time." Harry and Siggy were notorious in our circle for "fucking". Harry had announced one day that "you don't need girls", and had proceeded, in view of all of us, to lie on top of Siggy, a little dark-haired mouse of a boy with his trousers down and the twin moons of his bubble butt white and shining in the cool afternoon air. Harry tried to push his cock into him. I doubt if he did more than press his knob against Siggy's sphincter, but even without penetration, it was "fucking" as far as we were concerned. I think at the time we were all grossed out. But I had rerun the scene a million times in my head, and now, I wanted Deggy to do it to me. But would he? "Why?" I hadn't expected that question. "Because." In a trice, my cock was in my hand again and I was stroking gently. I groaned. The pleasure was exquisite, heightened by the feverish image in my head of Deggy pushing his cock into me. "Remember the other day? When you pushed against me and got a hard on?" He grunted. "C,mon, let's do it again, only this time let's take our clothes off. C'mon, Deg, it'll be fun!" I shucked of my trousers and underpants as I spoke. I looked into Deggy's eyes. I could see he was roused too. He stripped, allowing me to see that his cock was growing rigid too. He was uncut like me and his foreskin completely covered his cockhead. It terminated in a sort of little twist of flesh that begged to be sucked. I licked my lips and knelt down in front of him. "Wh-what're you doin?" I took his cock in my hand before he could protest and slid my lips lovingly over his cock. His foreskin was warm and soft, like velvet. I played over and round it with my tongue and slid my lips back and forth to enjoy the countours of his swollen cockhead beneath the skin. He pushed me away. "Gerroff!" he said, his voice sullen. "Why? Don't you like it? Doesn't it feel good?" "You're crazy, Jax, where d'you learn to do that?" I coaxed and wheedled and gently pulled him back towards me, my mouth eager and greedy to eat his delicious cock. This time he allowed himself to be sucked off. "Hold my head," I mumbled as I worked my lips and tongue on his pulsating love-rod. I used my lips to push the foreskin back and felt a surge in my groin as my lips clamped behind the ridge of his helmet. Somehow we fell to the ground together, and Deggy abandoned himself to the wild thrills of having his penis sucked. I knew how he felt: there comes this point when every other thought is driven out of your head; your whole being is focussed on the pleasure you can feel along the length of your cock as the moment of climax approaches. I had his leg between mine and was humping on it, feeling my own ballsac begin to tighten as my moment got ever closer. I pulled off him then. His cock, released from my mouth, stabbed the air. It glistened wetly with my saliva. Droplets of precum oozed from it. Deggy was ready........ I rolled over on to my belly, raised my buttocks and pulled them apart. I was so worked up, I found it hard to breathe. "Please, Deggy, please!" The words came out like a croak, but he knew what I wanted. Deggy was bigger and heavier than me - with a thick long tiptilted cock to match - and I wanted to feel him crushing me. I looked back over my shoulder at him. He was holding his throbbing erection by the shaft and pointing it at my boy-hole. "Push it into me! PLEASE!" Have you ever wanted something badly, without really knowing what it will be like? You know, like the first time you tried a cigarette? Or tasted whisky? Well, that's how I was that first time. As I felt the tip of his glans, foreskin peeled right back, press between my cheeks, I almost choked with excitement at this venture into the unknown. "It won't go in. I can't get it in." "Push. It's ok. Harry says it's easy once you're in." I spoke with more confidence than I felt. I was CRAZY to have his cock inside me, but as I felt the pressure of his tip against my hole, it occurred to me for the first time that it might actually hurt. Deggy renewed his efforts to penetrate me, still holding his cock and pushing harder. It was clear that he was really excited now. Forbidden fruit. Always the most delicious. And we both knew instinctively that what we were doing was forbidden fruit. Oh god, I felt him stretching my boy-hole! And I reacted by pushing against it, forcing it out of me. I didn't mean to, it was just instinctive. "Whatcha do that for?" he said. He sounded resentful, like a lover rejected. "Sorry, Deg," I said hoarsely. "Try again." I remembered my experiments with my finger. There was a technique to taking something "up the arse" and I just had to concentrate. It was only much later, with Robin, my special teacher, that I learned about how to breathe in rhythm to the thrusting so that I could more easily take a cock into my "boypussy". Forgive me, this was my first time. I didn't know and Deggy didn't know, we just fumbled like the greenhorns we were. Somehow, he got a little way inside me, I think his cockhead cleared my spincter. I was in such pain by then that I lost my erection and just wanted the whole thing to be over. It was, quicker than you can say 'cum'. Deggy gave one push and that was enough to bring him off. I felt a rush of warm spurting liquid inside my rectum, followed by another and another and then his erection subsided as quickly as it had come up. He slid out of me with a plop, leaving me feeling bruised and dizzy, but somehow exhilarated too. "Fuckin hell!" Deggy was a boy of few words, but I knew from the excited tone of his voice that he had enjoyed the sensation of thrusting his cock into me. Fucking me. "You shot your load inside me!" I said I felt suddenly stupid at this statement of the obvious, but Deggy didn't seem to notice. "Fucking hell!" he said again, "That was......." "Sure was!" I had felt something unusual, different, but wonderful, when that first spurt pumped into me. A special thrill that caused my cock to twitch and swell. What was that? Wow! I would ask Robin......he would know. We got dressed. "Better not tell anyone." "OK, Deg, I won't. Wanna do it again sometime?" He looked at me and nodded vigorously. Then he looked down at my flaccid cock as I was tucking it into my pants. "You come too?" "No. Well, nearly. It's ok." He paused. Thinking was not an easy activity for my dark-eyed dark-haired gypsy friend. "Hey, you wanna fuck me, Jax?" he asked brightly. I must say, whenever Deggy had a THOUGHT, which wasn't often, it was usually a good one. But, for some reason, the idea did not appeal to me at all. No, I was the one who got fucked, not the one who did the fucking. I tucked this new thought away, to be taken out and examined later. "Nah, that's ok. C'mon. Let's go. Oh, and Degs........" "Yes?." "Thanks. You really fucked me, didn't you!" He reddened a little. I smiled at him, and we ran out of the orchard, laughing. "Better than scrumping," I added wickedly. Chapter 6: Fulfilment That night, I panicked. My hole felt sore, and when I took off my underpants, I noticed a what looked like a speck of blood. Oh god, I thought, what have I done? Gingerly, I reached between my legs and probed with my forefinger. I examined it. Nothing. I was still tender there, but at least it seemed that everything was ok. I put my hand back and tentatively pushed the tip of my forefinger into myself. Ouch! Maybe being fucked wasn't such a good idea after all. Then I remembered that weird wonderful thrill I had felt when Deggy had pumped his first jet of cum inside me. I remembered that spontaneous explosion inside me and the way my cock had responded by twitching and swelling into hardness again. That was worth a little discomfort! I buried my soiled underpants in the middle of the laundry basket, anxious to make sure that my mother wouldn't see that telltale speck of blood. Of course she did. You can't hide anything from mothers. "Are you all right, dear?" An ominous question at the breakfast table. "Y-yes. Er, Why?" "There was some blood on your underpants." Oh god, I hadn't expected this, and I had no explanation ready! Damn. "Did you hurt yourself?" "N-no, erm, I don't think so." I was squirming, desperately trying to think of a way to escape. "Better let me have a look, dear.Come here" I knew better than to disobey. I stood with my back to her while she pulled down my pants, and pushed me gently to make me bend forward. I felt her fingers pulling my cheeks gently apart. Oh god, I thought, can you TELL when someone has been fucked? She knew. She didn't say anything. Then or ever. But she knew. Her manner towards me changed very subtly, but it was clear that my sexuality was no longer a secret from her. She had made jokes a few times in the past about me and girls, but that stopped the day she examined my rectum. It was Saturday, the day I had arranged to meet Robin in the park. I dressed and went out, feeling ashamed and lonely. I wandered around aimlesssly the whole morning. Should I keep my date with Robin the afternoon? Wouldn't it be better to give up my terrible habits? I knew my mother would be disgusted, and I hated that. The truth is, when you are a boy in your early teens and you think of nothing else but having sex with older boys, of nothing else but giving yourself to men, when your whole life revolves around a need for cock, you enter a twilight world. All your actions are hidden, secretive, furtive. You know that what you are doing is dirty, depraved, forbidden, illegal even. And the trouble is that this very secrecy and this very depravity make the activity a thousand times more exciting! Ah, the lure of forbidden fruit! I knew in my heart, as I trudged around that Saturday morning, my hands stuffed in my pockets and my shoulders hunched against an unfeeling world, that I would NEVER give up the activities that gave me so much joy. To hell with "them", all those boring "normal" people. What's it got to do with them anyway? It's my penis, it's my boypussy (I was beginning to like that expression), it's my life. Fuck them. Fuck the world. Fuck my mo....... No, not that. Just, I am going to do what I want to do. So there. As if to seal this pact that I had made myself, I dodged into the churchyard, flicked my penis out and with a few swift strokes brought myself to a glorious erection. I walked around for a while with my cock sticking out. I didn't give a shit who saw me! Defiantly, I wanked a little then stopped then wanked again. The longer I could keep it hard without coming, the better the thrill when I finally orgasmed. Mmmmm, this felt GOOD! But my lust was stronger than my will power, and I began to masturbate furiously, desperate for that blessed relief that comes when your scrotum tightens and your penis seems to stiffen and pause before WHOOSH!!!!! a great spurt of semen was ejected like a rocket from its launcher. And WHOOSH again, not so copious, but still wonderful. Ah, I can still feel the massive thrills surging like summer lightning down my thighs and the whole area of my groin feeling as if it had been set alight. Wow! My spunk (another word I had recently added to my vocabulary) splattered over an old gravestone that had been propped up against the wall of the church. I looked down at my act of spunk-vandalism. I was a choirboy and had some undefined but deeprooted belief in the teachings of the church, and here I was wanking over somebody's grave! I was destined to go to hell now, no question about it. And I didn't fucking care!!! In fact, I would shoot my cum over every fucking gravestone in the fucking churchyard and fuck them all........ The power of saying the word "fuck" so many times made me feel good with myself again. That and an awesome wank that left me feeling dizzy. I didn't go home for lunch, just couldn't face my mother, so I was feeling very hungry by the time I got to the park for my rendezvous with Robin. I wondered if a man's cum contained protein. Was it a food? Could you eat cum the way you could eat, say, semolina or rice pudding and get nutrition from it? I remembered Robin's cum and the Security Man's abundant flow. Hm, another question with no answer. One thing I could say, though, was that cum is not easy to swallow. I have read many accounts of men greedily "swallowing every last drop of his cum", etc, but I have never been able to do that. Or even wanted to do it. I love the IDEA of it, and I love sucking a cock to the point where I bring the man to orgasm, and I like to take a little of his precious fluid in my mouth and even down my throat. But only a little. After that, I block off my throat with my tongue and let the cum dribble out the sides of my mouth. And I notice, having watched a lot of porn movies, that men - and women for that matter - rarely swallow "every last drop", but do what I do, take a gulp, then let the rest dribble out. Thinking about cum and Robin's cock in my mouth, I felt my penis stirring again. How can a boy not LOVE his penis when it is SO obliging, seemingly ever ready to spring into action when needed?! I just hoped that Robin hadn't been wanking too much already so that he wouldn't have a good hard cock and a warm load of spunk for me. I needn't have worried. I went to the remote spot near the pond that he had nominated for our get-together, and stood idly watching the ducks and wondering if boy-mallards fucked boy-mallards. (I have since learned that they do!) "Hi, Jax." I hadn't heard Robin come up behind me. I turned to see him smiling down at me, a smile of genuine liking. That was nice. I would settle for pure lust, but it was nice to be liked too. "Hi, Robin. How're you doing?" "Good! Look for yourself." True to form, Robin, the eternal flasher, has his cock out and was waving it proudly in front of me. Showing his cock to little boys was whar really got him going. "It's a beauty, Robin!" He beamed. "You really think so? You really like it? My cock." "Oh yes, you know I do!" I had forgotten that he was circumcised. I really liked it, the whole shape was beautiful, specially that glans that really did look like a purple helmet. I felt my own penis stirring as I contemplated Robin's. He moved closer to me, looked round to make sure we were not being observed, and then put his cock against my lips. "Show me. Show me how much you like it." No boy could refuse such an invitation. I took it by the base of the shaft and ran my closed fist along its length. I loved that wonderful mixture of soft warm texture and rock hard bone and the rippled effect of the engorged muscles and the swollen veins. "Wet it first!" Ah, yes, I remember he had told me that if you don't have a foreskin, you need to lubricate the cock before you stroke it. What better lubricant than my saliva?! I slid my parted lips over his glans, gagging slightly as it filled my boy's mouth, but holding it there and wetting it with my saliva. I used my tongue to lick over it and round it and tried to push the tip of my tongue into the little slit that looked like a tiny loving mouth. Robin leant back against a tree, closed his eyes and moaned softly. His hands were on my head to hold me closely to him, but he didn't force me to take more of his cock into my mouth than I could manage. I sucked and licked him enthusiastically, which had the effect of exciting me too so that my own cock had become an aching straining and tenting in my pants. "Please, Robin, I ......." I could do little more than mumble, but he knew what I was asking. Gently he withdrew his cock from my mouth and reached down to grope between my legs. "Wow, you've got a real stiffy there!" Stiffy. My vocabulary was expanding every day! "Come on, Jax, let's go to the boathouse. Nobody will see us there." It was hot and stuffy inside. In the halflight, I could see what looked like piles of sacking. We climbed up on top and, on Robin's instructions, stripped off. This was the first time I had been totally naked with a man. A dream come true! We lay together, groping each other with busy hands, giving and receiving pleasure with clever fingers, moving against each other the way lovers do, getting more and more aroused with each touch and movement. Despite my mega-climax a little earlier in the churchyard, I was getting very close again, but I didn't want to shoot my load until my man-lover was satisfied. His cock was a joy to hold and stroke and kiss and suck, and in the end he just lay back, eyes closed, and let me do whatever I wanted with him. My fingers were everywhere, exploring his wiry red pubic hair, sliding down between his buttocks, running up his chest to feel his small hard nipples. I was in heaven, and, although I didn't know it, so was Robin. He spoke then, his voice scarcely more than a hoarse whisper. "Do you know what fucking is, Jax?" "Yes. I think so." "What is it then?" "Er, it's when a man puts his cock inside a boy's hole and sort of moves in and out" "Would you like me to fuck you, Jax?" I remembered Deggy. I remembered the tightness, the fumbling. I remembered the pain. And then I remembered the amazing explosion of his cum inside me that sent me into orbit. I looked into Robin's eyes. I had his cock throbbing in my closed fist. He would be gentle, I was sure. "Don't hurt me, will you?" "No, I won't. Now say it." "Say what?" Stupid me! "Fuck me, Robin! Please." "Tell me what you want me to do." The words are so important, aren't they? Almost as important as the act they describe. "I want you to fuck me please." "How? Come on, tell me!" "I want you to put your cock inside me. Please!" "Where exactly?" "In my...... up my........ Inside me. HERE." It's also important to know the right words. I wasn't sure if "boypussy" was the right one, and "up my arse" seemed way too crude. Anyway, he seemed satisfied, I think we were both READY for it now. He reached over to his jacket and took something from the pocket. I could see that it was a circular tin with a blue lid and white writing on it. I recognised it at once as Nivea Cream. My mother always kept a tin in the bathroom to use on chapped skin and the like. What on earth did he want that for??? The feeling of the cool cream as he lubricated me with his fingers was delicious. I giggled. It just felt so nice. He scooped up more and worked it with his fingers into me. Mmmmm, that felt even nicer! It was the moment when I realised that my rectum was as much a sexual organ as any woman's cunt (not that I knew much about those!). I wriggled and squirmed with delight as he played his fingers inside me, gently preparing me. Then he covered his cockhead and shaft with more of the cream, and moved into position. I lay on my back looking up at him, my legs still in the air. "Put your legs over my shoulders, Jax. OK?" I looked down and could see his wonderful cock, hard and rampant, sticking out from his mass of red pubic hair. It was pointing straight at my hole. There was something almost menacing in its size, but there was no turning back now. "It's going to be good, Jax. You'll like it. You'll see." His words, accompanied by an attempt at a smile, were designed to calm me. But his face was now distorted, his eyes glittering with lust. This was the prize he wanted: to penetrate me, his young boy-lover, to impale me on his unforgiving penis, to ramrod me mercilessly until he filled me with his man-cream. I really felt scared when I saw that look in his eyes. I tensed up as I felt his first thrust. He barely stretched me, but I felt searing pain anyway. "Don't tense up," he grunted. "It hurt." "I know, but that's cos you tensed up. Now, take deep breath and then let it out completely. At the same time, as you let it out, imagine that you are trying to go." "Go? Oh, ok." "Good boy. Now. Deep breath....... And out........ And........." "Fucking hell!" Deggy's favourite expression was spot on. As I reached the end of my breath, Robin had thrusted into me. His cockhead had stretched and cleared my tight little sphincte. He was inside me! That moment of his first thrust felt like a turd going the wrong way. It felt good. And so smooth, unlike the fumbling attempts that Deggy had made to get his cock inside me. I was dimly aware of a sort of discomfort, of a need to reject the "foreign body". The movement was involuntary. "Don't!" He pushed to counter my action. His cockhead was definitely inside me now. I felt filled. "Try not to push me out, Jax," he said, a little more gently. "Sorry, Robin. I...." "That's ok. Now, breathe in and out again. In..... And out................ And..........." "Oh fuck!!!!!" This time he went deep into me. At school, a couple of years later, I learned in music about something called counterpoint. The outflow of my breath and the inflow of his cock were a perfect counterpoint. Robin remained perfectly still, his cock deep inside me. The whole of my being was focussed on the feeling of being FILLED. It really did feel as if I needed to "go", but it was a good feeling, made more sensitive and exciting by the fact that I controlled the urge to "go": I wanted him inside me, I wanted to be penetrated, impaled, filled, fucked. "You ok?" "Y.yes. Robin, yes. I'm ok. It's.....it feels.....good." I was gasping a little, it wasn't all pleasure, there was pain too. Robin smiled down at me. A real smile this time. "I want to fuck you now, Jax." He pushed into me. All the way. Oh god! What was that? Inside me? Something sent thrills right down to the tip of my penis! Something deep inside my boypussy. Like when Deggy spurted his cum into me. Wow! Then Robin began to withdraw. My sphincter, that pretty boy-rosebud, gripped the shaft of his cock as he slowly slid it out of me. What was he doing? Had I done something wrong? I didn't want him to come out of me. Not ever! Just as I thought he was out of me, he thrust back into me, hard and deep. Again, that surge of electricity as his velvety cockhead caressed my prostate gland (not that I knew anything about that till Robin explained it to me later). And again. And again. And again. Harder, deeper, faster. And every time, his cockhead caressed me deep inside and sent me spinning into orbit. I might even have passed out, I just don't remember. I had never experienced anything like this. As he rammed into me, I felt my cock squeezed between our bodies. There was so much wet on our bellies, a delicious mix of our male sweat and my oozing precum. Robin grunted with each stroke, pounding into me so hard and deep now that I could feel his ballsac slapping against me. "Yesssssssss!!! Fuck me, fuck meeeeeee!!!!" My outburst seemed to send my manlover into a frenzy. He mouthed obscenities as his fucking became ever more violent. Sweat was dripping from his brow, and he was drooling slightly. I felt SO good. Once more, I felt that I was the one who had power, I was the one who was in control, even though I was just a young boy and my lover was a powerful man who could snap me in half if he wanted to. It was a glorious feeling. I had already ejaculated, but I had hardly noticed my orgasm. I was totally concentrated on my manlover. "Oh bitch fuck oh shit I'm cummmmmmmmmmm......." There are no words to describe that moment of his first spunk-surge inside me. I was filled. I was filled full. I was fulfilled. I might have had another kind of dry orgasm, I just can't tell you now, I was just off the planet. And so was Robin. After pumping into me how many times? six, seven, eight? it doesn't matter, he collapsed on top of me, shipwrecked. We held each other very tight. His cock slowly detumesced inside me That was an amazing sensation! I suppose it's part of what women's magazines call the "afterglow". A warm glow. A good glow. The best. Every twitch of his slowly shrinking erection sent more spasms through my young body. I can recall being thrilled too as I felt his cum oozing from me and wetting my legs. You have to feel sorry for any kid who has never been fucked. Or, as I was to find out later, any man who had never fucked a pretty young boy. [Comments to pixajax@yahoo.com. All msges will be answered. This is the end of Helping Hand, but I am toying with the idea of writing about later experiences when I was in my late-twenties and trying without much success to be a teacher]