Date: Thu, 08 Mar 2007 16:54:07 -0800 From: fritz@nehalemtel.net Subject: I Love Corey, Chapter Ninety-three Once again I am at the start of a chapter where I have to tell you all the usual things. I would think that by now you should remember them, but on the off chance your memory is as poor as mine, I will repeat them with explanation. For all you youths who are reading this, you are not supposed to be doing so. Yes I know, you have a million reasons why you are reading it, and besides, no one will ever know you read it, but that is not the point. The point is to protect you from dirty old men like me. So if you are a youth, leave before I catch you. That way you will be protected even if you don't wish to be. For those people who get upset at descriptions of gay sex acts, why are you searching the web to find them? Do you get some sort of perverse pleasure out of them? Man, you have even more problems than I do. However, since I am hereby warning you that I might include such things in any chapter you are now apprised of the danger and need to be cognizant of that fact. My advice, leave while there is yet time. For all you poor lost souls yearning to be free to read what you wish and are trapped in areas were the reading of this and similar stories is illegal, my heart goes out to you. Since I am not omnipotent, I cannot solve your problem, so you will have to decide what is best for you. Just don't blame it on me if you happen to get caught. The characters and their actions are the product of my mind and should not be thought to resemble anyone living or dead. Scary to think that my mind might produce this story, isn't it. You are free to read and hopefully enjoy this story, but I would request that should you quote something from it, please credit me. Should you figure out a commercial value for this story, again, please share with me. Don has once again looked it over and found most of the more glaring errors. I'm pretty sure he missed a few, but perhaps he was getting low on red ink. I keep his ink budget low so I don't have as many changes to make. Go ahead and write me for all the usual reasons at the same old address of "fritz@nehalemtel.net" and I will try to get back to you and remember to put "I Love Corey" in the subject line so you don't get deleted. So with all the garbage out of the way, I hope you enjoy the following chapter. Fritz ******************************************************************************** I Love Corey, Chapter Ninety-three The alarm was insistent and I eventually clawed my way to consciousness. There were a few groans from various kids, but they ceased when I got the alarm turned off and staggered towards the bathroom. A quick pit stop and I went out and plugged the coffee pot in. I could take my shower while the coffee perked. I wasn't paying much attention as I stumbled back to my bathroom and didn't think much of opening the door to it, but I got a startled reaction from Kristen. "Uncle Sammy, get out! I'm going to the bathroom." As I stood outside the door, waiting for her to finish, I tried to figure out what the problem was. Kristen was more than happy to have me help give her a bath so I was left wondering what was so different. She got upset if Kevin saw her naked, but didn't seem to think anything of it if her parents or I did. I guess I'll never understand what kids think with regards to modesty. Kristen glared at me as she went back to bed and even my apology didn't seem to help. At least I could now use the shower. A few minutes later I was clean and had shaved. It was time to get Corey out of bed so he could shower while I fixed the three of us some breakfast. I started to check on Uncle Matt when he stepped out of Corey's bedroom. His hair was damp so he must have taken his shower while I was taking mine. We silently padded into the kitchen and I poured us each a cup of coffee. I was having a hard time getting myself going and it looked like Uncle Matt was no better at that then I was. I dug out a couple of boxes of cold cereal and some milk, something we rarely ate, and set them on the table. There they set until Corey showed up. He frowned at them, but fixed himself a bowl and started eating. I decided a couple of slices of toast would do me and Uncle Matt continued with his coffee. We were about ready to leave when Kath showed up to fix breakfast for the rest of the boys. The trip to Sacramento wasn't bad since it wasn't raining and traffic was moving right along. None of us were in the mood to talk so the trip was relatively quiet. When we were approaching Sacramento the traffic got heavier and it was just before nine when we reached the police station. When I asked to see either Officer's Pauling or Harmon, I was told we would have to wait for a while as they were in a meeting and couldn't be disturbed. So there we sat until almost nine-thirty. Then we were escorted into Officer Pauling's office. Office is being generous, and cubical would come closer to it, but it did have a door which could be closed, but for size I'd seen bigger cubicles. Since Officer Harmon was there also, the office was jammed. "Good morning," Officer Pauling started. "I didn't expect to see you again. What can we do for you?" "We found some more things which you might like to see," I told him as I handed him the letter. He read it completely, and then read it again before handing it to Officer Harmon. While Officer Harmon was reading it, Officer Pauling sat there with a somewhat bemused look on his face. When Officer Harmon finished reading it, he turned to me. "I suppose this letter wasn't all you found?" While he had made a declarative statement, the inflection in his voices was clearly asking a question. "No, that wasn't all we found," I answered him. When I finished saying that I placed my old briefcase on the desk and let it set there. The two officers exchanged glances back and forth before Officer Pauling reached out and opened the briefcase. Officer Harmon moved a little so he could see what was in the case and after a few seconds Officer Pauling closed the case. Officer Pauling then again turned to me. "Interesting. Was that all you found?" "Yes sir, just the letter and the money," I answered. "Did you count the money?" he asked. "Yes sir, there is seventy two thousand, six hundred and eighty dollars there." You know that drug money is seized by the governments and courts don't you?" Officer Harmon asked. "Yes sir, I do. But do you have any proof that is drug money?" Both officers looked surprised, maybe even startled. "Now see here, it's pretty obvious where the money came from," Officer Pauling said. "Being pretty obvious and having proof are two very different things. Have you got enough evidence to win in court by a preponderance of evidence? Can you prove that money is drug money and not money from some other source?" Officer Harmon started to chuckle. "He's got you there Bill." Then he turned to me. "You know Mr. Lofton; we could seize the money and let the courts figure it out." "I'm sure you can. If you do, I'd like a written explanation as to what grounds you're doing it on. At least that's what my attorney said to ask for." I didn't bother to tell them all the things Russ had told me about how the government frequently seized money and, even if the case was decided against them, failed to return it without a court battle. Russ had also told me that if the money had been more important to me he would have handled it and made them jump through all kinds of legal hoops before they got their hands on it, but since I would have no problems without it he didn't think it was worth either of us spending the time to do so. Officer Harmon turned to Officer Pauling. "Let's go talk to the captain. This is beyond my pay grade." With that they excused themselves and disappeared. About twenty minutes later they returned, accompanied by another gentleman who was introduced as Captain Mendez. "What's this about refusing to turn over evidence?" Captain Mendez asked. His attitude ticked me off, but I was polite when answering. "No one has refused to turn over evidence, as I'm sure you are well aware. The fact that the so-called evidence is sitting on a desk right in front of you makes that statement unbelievable. What I have requested is that you supply a written explanation as to why you think it is evidence and why you think it should be seized. Then if my attorney thinks you are wrong he can take whatever legal steps he deems appropriate. Either a brief explanation from you or a court order would be satisfactory to him." I don't think Captain Mendez was expecting me to stand up to him. I suppose most people put up with less than polite behavior from various law enforcement agents because they don't wish to anger them. In most cases that is probably wise because of the cost involved in taking them on and winning, but with me the cost wasn't a factor. "I could have you arrested for withholding evidence," Captain Mendez snapped back at me. "I'm sure you could, but do you really wish to go to court over it? I can promise you that should you arrest me, court is where it will wind up, and I don't think the Sacramento Police department will like the publicity they get over it. It seems rather strange to me that you can accuse me of withholding evidence when I'm standing here presenting it to you. I think you might have a little difficulty winning such a case." I was getting more ticked by the minute. I could see Uncle Matt was getting angry also, and Corey was looking worried. "Maybe you also ought to consider this. When such a story is splashed all over the news, might that not discourage people from coming forward? After all, arresting someone for trying to help the police doesn't inspire confidence for those who might have information which would help you," I continued. "You might even wish to talk with my attorney before going forward. I'll be more than happy to supply his phone number. In the meantime, perhaps you might wish to think it over a little more before you end up doing something you might regret." With that I stood there glaring at him. "Ah, Captain, ah, I think maybe we need to discuss a few things," Officer Harmon said. "There's nothing to discuss. Arrest them," Captain Mendez snapped. "Captain Mendez, we really need to talk about this before you arrest them," Officer Pauling broke in. Captain Mendez glared at them, but finally nodded and they stepped outside. I quickly pulled out my cell phone and called Russ. He was in court, but his secretary took my information and told me to get in touch with her again if they actually did arrest us. In the meantime she would try to get the information to Russ at the first break in the case he was now in court over. She said she would probably hear from him in a few minutes as it was getting close to break time in court. I gave her my cell number and ended the call. For the next few minutes Uncle Matt and I discussed what to do about the situation while Corey looked scared. Then my cell phone vibrated and it was Russ. I had no more than said hello to him when Officer's Harmon and Pauling returned accompanied by another gentleman who was introduced as Captain Delgado. I asked Captain Delgado if he wished to confer with my attorney, but he assured me that wouldn't be necessary and that I would no longer need him in this matter. I was trying to juggle the phone and get things straightened out when Captain Delgado told me that they would like to make a copy of the last two pages of the letter and then we would be free to take the money and leave, accompanied with their thanks for helping them with their investigations. He was a total change from Captain Mendez and took great pains to try and calm Uncle Matt and me down. He also apologized for Captain Mendez's actions and assured us that it was not the policy of the Sacramento Police Department to act in that manner and that there was going to be an investigation into it and if I would like, I was welcome to file a complaint and give testimony in that investigation. I thought about it, but decided not to bother with filing a complaint right then. The fact that I would likely be called upon to have to come and testify during any such action was part of the reason, but I felt bad about the decision. People need to stand up for their rights or those rights will be taken away from them. The only reason I didn't do so was because of what the two officers and Captain Delgado were saying, and that was that they were appalled at the way he had acted and were going to see it never happened again. Captain Delgado let slip the only reason he was even with the department was someone had pulled some strings and gotten him hired, but since this was not the first time there had been questions about his conduct they seemed to think he would be terminated and no longer with the department. I finally calmed down enough to tell them that I might file a complaint later, but for now I would pass. Besides, it was getting close to the time we needed to get to the airport and pick Bruno and Sarah up. Officer Pauling made some copies of the last two pages of the letter while Captain Delgado and Officer Harmon thanked us for our help. When the copies were made, we left. We got in the Gator and as I was heading for the airport Uncle Matt turned to me and said, "I see I don't have to worry about people pushing you around. You looked ready to whip their asses if they so much as tried anything more." "I hate it when people try to push me around. I really hate it when they try to use their positions of authority to do it." I was still ticked off, but was calming down. "I don't know why some people feel that they can do things like that. Then for that idiot to make such stupid threats, well, well it just pisses me off. I wish he had arrested me. When I got done with him there wouldn't be a law enforcement agency in the world that would hire him." "Now Sam, calm down," Uncle Matt said. "Sure, you probably would have won in court, but the cost and time spent wouldn't be worth it. So some insurance companies might have had to give you some money, is that worth all the time and trouble you would have had?" "No, but Damnit, we need to stand up against that sort of thing." "You're right, we do. So calm down for now and you can talk with Russ and decide what to do. Don't ever go into a battle angry because you might make mistakes. Instead wait until you've calmed down and then plot your revenge." With that Uncle Matt sat back and grinned at me. Uncle Matt was right and I knew it. When angry, it is easy to overlook things and make mistakes that would not be made if you were calm and took the time to think things through. I took a deep breath, relaxed my hold on the steering wheel, and tried to calm down. Amazingly, it worked, and by the time we reached the airport I was feeling much better. When I got home I would have a nice long talk with Russ and decide what to do, but for now it wasn't something I needed to worry about. Their flight was on time so we only had to wait a few minutes for the Brandt's. Bruno was his normal exuberant self and scooped me up and hugged me with the usual protest from my ribs. I swear that man has no idea how strong he is and someday he'll kill someone that way. Sarah was busy kissing Uncle Matt and Corey and I was glad when Bruno turned his attention to them. At least I could get a breath of air into my poor squished lungs. By the time we collected their luggage and got everything loaded, it was time for lunch. Corey and I got to feed the rug rats since Uncle Matt was busy talking with Sarah and Bruno about the new business and the great piece of property he was buying where we could all have homes. I thought about interrupting and telling him I still hadn't decided to move out there, but there didn't seem much chance of getting any words in the way they were all talking. As I was sitting there feeding Candy, the thought went through my mind that if Bruno and Sarah actually moved out here, I would no longer have to pick them up when they came to visit. If Redding Municipal Airport had had more flights, I wouldn't have had to do so anyway, but with the limited number of arrivals and departures it was hard to make connections unless one was willing to spend a lot of time sitting around waiting. It is hard enough to travel with two young children, so I could see why Bruno and Sarah didn't wish to spend several hours waiting in some airport for a connecting flight. It had only been a short while since Corey's mother's funeral, but the rug rats had really grown. It seemed hard to believe they could grow that much in such a short while. We finished our lunch at the Alamar Marina and headed home. Neither Corey nor I were able to say much since Sarah and Bruno were talking nonstop with Uncle Matt. It wasn't long until Lisa needed to go to the bathroom so it was find a rest area. That was the way it went most of the rest of the way home. Between finding rest areas and listening to the conversation I was tired by the time we pulled into the driveway. Of course Aunt Sandy picked right up when Sarah walked through the door. It was like they hadn't seen each other in years, and not talked in a like amount of time. While Uncle Matt and Bruno might have been talked out, Aunt Sandy took their place. Dog was thrilled to have Lisa and Candy back. He abandoned Kristen and Kevin and was spending all his time on the floor with the rug rats. I could see where I rated as he hadn't even greeted me. As Kath and Aunt Sandy were finishing getting dinner ready, I noticed that David had attached himself to me and was never out of sight. Up till now he had been pretty quiet and not really ran around with the boys, but he would spend time in the family room watching the tube rather than follow me around. Now it was like he was afraid I would get away and he wouldn't be able to find me. However, so much was going on I didn't have time to talk much with him and he still wasn't willing to open up and tell me anything about his background. He followed me downstairs to get the card table so everyone would have a place to sit for dinner, and then he again followed me downstairs to get the necessary folding chairs to use with it. Every time I looked around, there was David close by. When it came time to eat, he quickly tried to sit next to me, but gave up when Kevin crowded his way between us. Dinner went well and was good. Between Kath and Aunt Sandy they had done an excellent job on the scalloped potatoes, and the hamburger patties off the barbecue were thick enough to where they didn't dry out. David didn't look very happy about the patties still being slightly pink in the middle, but after a few bites he seemed to ignore that fact and ate his share of them. They also had the advantage of being something David could cut with a fork so that allowed him to eat without seeking help. He even managed to answer when I asked if he would like some more of the potatoes and another patty rather than just either nodding or shaking his head. After dinner the kids all headed for the family room and the adults for the living room. That is all except David who slipped into the living room and quietly sat down beside me. When I say beside me, I don't think you could have gotten a piece of paper between us he was so close to me. He just sort of leaned against me as the conversation turned to what might take place in the future. Uncle Matt and Bruno were busy talking about how to operate the software consulting company which I was now part owner of, and Aunt Sandy and Sarah were discussing what kind of houses they wanted to build on the Beeler property. I was trying to monitor both conversations but was having a hard time doing so, but I did catch that Sarah wasn't thrilled with the idea of four houses surrounding a courtyard with the houses all being attached. She said she wanted a little space around her house so that shot that idea of Aunt Sandy's down. Sarah said she wanted to be far enough from other houses to where she could play the radio as loud as she wanted to without bothering anyone. After a while they agreed that they would need to look the property over better and see how many building sites there were. When I'd looked at the property I had seen at least two lovely building sites, but for all I knew there were more. After a while I decided that since I couldn't seem to get into the conversations, maybe I ought to take a soak in the hot tub. Between getting angry and tense, and all the driving I'd done, I needed to relax and the tub sounded like just the ticket. I quietly asked David if he would like to join me in a good soak and wasn't particularly surprised when he agreed. When I got downstairs and into the spa room, David's eyes about bugged out when I pushed the button and the lid retracted from the tub. I started peeling clothes off and then had to explain that we normally didn't use bathing suits in the tub. I'd grabbed a garbage bag and some tape to cover and protect his bandaged arm and soon David and I were relaxing in the tub with the jets on low, the hot water soothing and relaxing me. After a few minutes I turned to David. "How's it going?" I asked. There was a lengthy pause before he replied. "What's going to happen to me?" "Well, tomorrow you're going to visit a prosthetist and see about getting you a new hand. Then you'll have to take a bunch of physical therapy to learn how to use it. After that you should be able to do most things for yourself," I answered. I continued, "I know it won't be as good as having your old hand back, but with some practice you should be able to do most things you need to do. Having one hand missing is always going to make it more difficult for you to do certain things, but with practice you should be able to overcome most of them." With that I leaned back even more and let the warm jets of water sooth me and relax me. "I meant where am I going to live?" he replied. I'd purposely avoided that question because I didn't have any good answers, but now I was going to have to deal with it. "That's out of my hands David. When Mrs. Smelling gets back this weekend, she's the one who'll decide. She'll need to know who your family is so she can see if any of them can take care of you. If they can't, then she'll have to find someone who can. Either way you should end up in a good home." For a while nothing more was said and we both relaxed and enjoyed the warmth of the tub and the gentle massage of the jets. I was starting to wonder why I didn't make it a point to spend time in the tub every evening because I always enjoyed it. Yet somehow there always seemed to be many things which I needed to do and the tub kept getting overlooked. I'd put it in originally just for the purpose of relaxing and enjoying myself, and for the first year I had spent some time in it almost every night. Of late it seemed like I never found time to just spend a few minutes doing nothing in the tub. There were always so many things which needed doing; things like checking homework, doing laundry, cooking, and the like that there simply wasn't enough time in the day for those things I used to enjoy. It was like taking care of boys ate up all my free time. I no longer read nearly as much, or for that matter listened to the stereo. I was totally relaxed when David said, "I wish I could live here." Suddenly I was no longer relaxed and thoughts were whirling through my head on how to answer him, but at that instant the giggle boxes charged into the room, followed by Uncle Matt and Aunt Sandy. David started trying to cover himself up with his left hand, and the giggle boxes were complaining that they wanted to get in the tub and that I needed to help them. It didn't help me that Aunt Sandy was kidding me about helping them so that she would get to see my "cute derriere" and Uncle Matt was egging her on. Since it was apparent that I couldn't win, I climbed out of the tub and helped the giggle boxes get undressed. It didn't help when Aunt Sandy pinched my "derriere" on the right cheek. She certainly didn't need to pinch that hard to get my attention. I almost dropped Kristen because of that pinch. I managed to get her safely in the tub and decided that I would be better off in the water, so I quickly got back in. Female modesty has always puzzled me. Kristen and Aunt Sandy seemed to think nothing of it and were willing to jump in the tub naked with David and me. Yet Kristen had been all upset when I accidentally started to walk in on her when she was using the bathroom. I mean, naked is naked and I could not see that it made any difference where it took place or what you were doing. Where Kristen would not allow Kevin see her changing her clothes, she had no problem with him seeing her in the hot tub. Aunt Sandy would never dream of walking out of her bedroom without a nightgown or robe, but seemed to think nothing of appearing naked before me and now David as long as the hot tub was involved. Did the warmth of the tub turn off their modesty button? I had no explanation for it, so I gave up and ignored the subject. "Damn, this feels great," Uncle Matt said. "We need to remember to build one of these." "You said a naughty word Daddy," Kristen piped out. "Daddy said a naughty word, didn't he Mommy?" "Yes honey, he did. What shall we do about it?" Aunt Sandy replied. "Maybe we should spank him, or wash his mouth out with soap," Kristen answered. "If there's going to be any spanking done, Daddy gets to do it," Uncle Matt joined in the conversation. "I think I'll start with Krissy." Kristen immediately moved to as far away as she could get from her father, which put her right next to David. He was still being embarrassed over being in the tub naked with two females, and having one of them right next to him didn't help, even though she was only eight. He was looking frantically around as if trying to find something to cover his genitals with. Aunt Sandy noticed his discomfort and told Kristen to leave David alone, and that didn't work out well because Kristen wanted to know why. Poor David was getting more embarrassed by the minute and Aunt Sandy was trying to think of a nice way to explain it all to Kristen. She was rescued by Corey coming in and immediately stripping and getting in the tub, all the while complaining that we should have told him we were going to use it. So much for a quiet chat with David. Corey supplied the information that Bruno and Sarah were putting the rug rats to bed, and the rest of the boys were engaged in eating popcorn and watching a movie. Kath and her two had gone home for the night, so I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised when Bruno and Sarah soon joined us. Talk about crowded; when Bruno and Sarah got in, we were shoulder to shoulder. At least David was getting over being embarrassed, or he seemed to be. Maybe he had just given up on trying to cover himself, but at least he was no longer looking frantically around for a washcloth or something, and his left hand was no longer in the water in front of him. The bench around the tub was slightly low for the giggle boxes, and the next thing I knew I had one straddling each knee and they were both leaning back against my chest. At least that gave the rest of us more room to spread out a little. At first the conservation was about we needed a bigger hot tub, and then it shifted to the point where we could build a bigger hot tub on the new property. Somehow it was assumed that the boys and I would be using the bigger tub, but no one came right out and said it. I got drawn into it when the subject of having a recreation building came up. At least they had gone from having all the houses attached to each other, but I still wasn't convinced I should move. I tried to point out that having a recreation center of the size they were talking about was a little on the pretentious side, but Uncle Matt brushed that off. I have to admit that it did sound pretty nice. Still, I'd never lived like that and I wasn't sure I'd be comfortable doing so. I was loosing the battle and I wasn't even waging it because they had Corey convinced that it would be a great place for pool parties and all sorts of fun and games for all the boys and their friends. Even David was paying attention and looked like he was thinking how great that would be. I knew I could put a stop to the conversation, but that would be forcing a confrontation and I didn't want to do that because so far they hadn't really said anything which could be construed to mean I was committed to it. Therefore, if I made an issue of it, I would be acting overly sensitive and they could always make it look as if I was being the heavy. So I was stuck and about had to put up with it. The worst part was that I wasn't sure they were trying to pressure me and might only have been talking about it and Corey and I happened to be listening in. The conversation drifted on to how many building sites there were on the property and it was decided that we needed to check. Uncle Matt and the rest were all in favor of doing that first thing in the morning until I pointed out they were free to do so, but that I had to take David to Redding for his appointment with the prosthetist so would be unavailable to go with them. It was quite apparent that they were trying to pressure me when they decided to wait until I could go with them. Still, it was all very subtle and there was never anything said in a way that I could disagree with. If the warm water hadn't been so comfortable and I was enjoying holding the giggle boxes, I might have made an issue of things right then, but somehow it didn't seem worth it. Kevin started squirming and said he needed to go to the bathroom, and Aunt Sandy decided it was time for the giggle boxes to go to bed. So she and I got them out and ran them through the shower to wash the chemicals off, which were in the hot tub to keep it from developing things like algae. When we were taking them upstairs, Uncle Matt yelled and said if we had any decency we would bring a few cold beers back down when we returned. I hadn't planned on soaking anymore, but it was clear the rest of them were going to, and so the next thing I knew I was once again in the tub only this time I had a cold beer in my hand. I even brought some cold cans of Coke for David and Corey. The conservation had shifted, while I was getting the beer and helping Aunt Sandy get the giggle boxes in bed, to David and his appointment with the prosthetist. Uncle Matt and Bruno were busy telling him about a fellow they went to college with who had lost a hand and that with the aid of his prosthesis he was able to do almost everything. He had even learned to write with it, although they said his penmanship was horrible, but agreed they had never seen if it was any better before he lost his hand. "David," Uncle Matt said, "Your missing hand might be a slight handicap, but you aren't crippled. A lot of people might consider themselves, or you, crippled, but there's a difference between being handicapped and crippled. A handicap is something you can pretty much overcome; where being crippled is something there is no way to overcome. A lot of people don't realize the difference and automatically assume that a missing hand or leg makes someone a cripple. The truth is, in many cases it's a matter of attitude. If you think you're crippled, then you won't be able to overcome it. If you look upon it as a challenge to be overcome, then it won't hold you back much." I'd been trying to tell David those same things and I was glad to hear Uncle Matt reinforcing what I'd been telling him. About that time Bruno said, "I don't remember his name, but there was a pitcher who made the major leagues and he only had one hand." "I remember him," I said. "I think his name was Jim Abbot. He played for several teams." "Yeah," Bruno said. "I saw him when he pitched for the Angels. The day I saw him, he won, and won easily. I think he also pitched for the Yankee's." "I think there was another one armed or handed player during the Second World War," Uncle Matt said. I remember someone talking about it, but don't remember the name or team. Some motivational speaker was using him as an example of overcoming handicaps at a seminar I attended. It was supposed to teach us not to think handicapped people couldn't do things. The speech wasn't very good and I don't remember much of it." The conversation continued on for a while, and Uncle Matt and Bruno appeared to be trying to cheer David up and make him understand that while there might be some things that would be more difficult for him to do, most things he would not have any problems with. I finally decided it was time to get out of the tub or I'd be a permanent prune. That broke the mood and everyone agreed that they had spent enough time in the tub for right now. After his shower I had to replace the bandage on David's arm because a little water had gotten past the tape and soaked it. At least he was no longer acting self-conscious about being naked, and for that matter neither was I. Now if I could just get Aunt Sandy to quit pinching me. She seemed to delight in trying to embarrass me and so far was way ahead on points. Uncle Matt was no help since he seemed to be egging her on, and even when he wasn't he would giggle uncontrollably when she managed to embarrass me. By the time I'd changed David's bandage, got him in bed, checked and closed the house up, and finished all those last little things like making sure all the lights were out, Corey was asleep beside the giggle boxes. I had to shove Kevin over a little so I could have my place, but before long I drifted off, hoping that David wouldn't have any nightmares and I could get a full night's sleep. I didn't get that full night's sleep, but it wasn't David that woke me up. Well, maybe it was, because I woke up in the middle of the night suddenly worrying about how I was going to deal with David's statement of wanting to live with me. I'd been rescued from giving an answer to that question by having the giggle boxes and everyone else show up, but I was going to have to tell him something. My problem was that I simply didn't have enough time for everyone. I felt sorry for him and wanted to help him, but not at the expense of the other boys. Yet he had such a low opinion of himself that I was afraid that if I told him no, he would take that to mean I didn't think he was worth anything. I watched the numbers on the clock slowly change as I worried about how to handle him, and as I watched, they slowly ticked off an hour since I'd woken up and started thinking about the problem. I just couldn't come up with a good way to handle it, nor could I get back to sleep. I kept kicking myself for getting involved, but how could I refuse to try to help? That first night I'd met him it was obvious that he was in desperate need of someone to love him and help him try to learn that he was just as good as anyone else. Still, I already had four boys who needed that same kind of support, five if you included Corey, and I didn't see how I could handle another. As usual I'd charged blindly ahead without thinking of the consequences, and now I was trying to come up with a solution. I finally gave up and got out of bed. Maybe a cup of cocoa would help calm me and let me sleep. While the cocoa was being nuked, I threw a couple of slices of bread in the toaster. Some toast dunked in cocoa might help me relax enough to get back to sleep. I'd finished the toast and was sitting there letting the cocoa cool enough to drink it when Uncle Matt came out and plopped himself down at the dinning room table across from me. "Can't sleep?" he mumbled. "I don't know, I just got to worrying and I thought some cocoa might calm me down," I replied. "Fix me a cup, would you?" Uncle Matt asked. Since I had everything out it didn't take long to grab a mug and make another cup of cocoa. I handed it to him and sat back down. Uncle Matt took a sip. "Damn, this is good. What'd you do different. Sandy's is always kind of thin and watery." "I just made it with canned milk. I use Ghirardelli cocoa mix and use a little over half canned milk and the rest water. The canned milk makes it seem richer and smoother, much the same as it does in clam chowder," I answered him. I was about finished with my cocoa when Uncle Matt asked, "What are you going to do about him?" "Huh?" "Come on Sammy, don't try to kid me. You're worrying about David." I sighed. "I don't know. The poor kid needs someone to love him and take care of him. I just don't think I've got the time to do a good job of it." "Did you ever think you might have some help if you'd let us?" "Huh?" "Look Sam, I know things haven't gone the way they should have this trip. Sandy and I screwed up and didn't talk with you before we let ourselves get carried away. Then you got stiff-necked and weren't willing to discuss the subject, so we were left without much way to try to fix it. "All the reasons we told you for moving down here are real. However, there is one we didn't mention, probably the most important one." Uncle Matt took another sip of his cocoa. "Look, we could see the impact you were having on the boys and we wanted to be part of it. Each time we were around them it was apparent you were working some kind of magic and they opened up more and become nicer to be around and you all seemed to love each other. You've got some kind of a gift with kids. Hell, I think Kevin and Kristen would be perfectly happy if Sandy and I died as long as you had them. They might shed a few tears, but their lives would go on and they'd be happy just because you'd see to it that they were. I've got no idea why kids trust you so implicitly, but they seem to. "Look at David. In a few short days he's following you around and with one look and anyone can see he worships you. While most adults seem to like you, kids love you. "Sandy and I got to talking and we wanted to do what you're doing, but frankly we don't know how. We've thought about taking in foster kids, but we can't connect with them like you can. Kristen and Kevin have lots of friends, but those friends don't follow us around like kids follow you around. Think about it, how many of the neighbor kids feel perfectly free to treat your house as home? I've seen Fred and Mike walk in and head for the fridge just like it was theirs, and I can't believe Fred and Mike are the only ones. "Sandy and I were hoping that if we all lived close to one another, we could see part of why you're so successful with kids and maybe do something ourselves. We'd been kicking that around and then Bruno entered into it when he started having problems at work. Maybe we screwed the whole thing up by not handling it right, but we were so excited at the chance to help you, and through you some kids that we got ahead of ourselves." "But," I sputtered, "But Uncle Matt, I'm not some great, well, some special person. I don't treat kids—" "Bullshit!" Uncle Matt interrupted me. "I've seen you in action. I know the effect you have on kids, but I can't figure out why. I'm not the only one who's seen it either. How about Mrs. Smelling? Think for a minute Sam. Do you really think she would let you raise a bunch of kids if she didn't think it was the best thing for them? Come on, use your head for something besides a place to grow hair. Do you truly believe she would let you raise them if she thought you might harm them? I don't know what line of shit she's fed you, but you can bet that she saw how you handled kids and knew what she was doing when she pawned Jason and Laurence off on you. They were hurt and needed help and she saw you could provide that help. And for your information, I'm not talking about the bruises they suffered, I'm talking about the way their parents hurt them emotionally. Maybe you don't see all the improvements because you're around them all the time, but every time I see them it's like they've made a major leap forward in acceptance of themselves and pride in themselves." Uncle Matt started to have another drink of his cocoa and realized his cup was empty. "Fix me another cup," he said, extending his cup to me. I took his cup and started over towards the drain board where all the stuff was. I was having a difficult time believing what Uncle Matt was saying, but he had me thinking. Yes, kids ran in and out of my house like it was their own and in many ways they appeared to treat me like a member of their group. Yet I couldn't see that I treated them in any special way, and I couldn't understand where Uncle Matt could have gotten such an idea. As for the giggle boxes, I'd never even thought about it before and just loved them. I didn't do anything special around them so I had no idea what he was talking about. By now I'd managed to put four heaping spoons of cocoa mix in each cup, filled them about half full of hot water and stirred the mix in, and was dumping canned milk in the cups to finish filling them. I had to get another can of milk to fill them and then I put them in the microwave. After turning it on I turned back to Uncle Matt. "I don't do any thing special. I try to listen, but I just treat them like people." "You may think you don't do any thing special," Uncle Matt snorted, "but kids would disagree with you." "But I don't," I protested. "Jesus Sam, you have to be the blindest dumb-ass I've ever seen. How about Lee? Who was it he called when he was at the end of his rope? He called you. How many kids have cried their hearts out on your shoulder? I know about the counseling program and I'll bet that's happened more than you're willing to admit. For some reason kids know they can trust you and that you'll try to help them. Think back to when you were in school. Did you ever spill your deepest secrets to a counselor? Did any of your friends? Did any one you'd even heard of do that? No, they didn't, did they? So why is it kids are willing to talk to you? Because they trust you and know you'll help them." The microwave beeped, interrupting Uncle Matt. He paused while I packed the mugs of cocoa back to the table. Once I'd sat back down he looked at me and asked, "So what are you going to do about David?" "I don't know," I answered. "Bullshit cubed," Uncle Matt snorted. "You've already decided, but just aren't willing to say it. Sandy and I already talked about it and we're willing to help." Uncle Matt then took a sip of his cocoa. "Damn, that's hot. Did you have to nuke it that long?" he asked and started sucking air in and out to cool his tongue. Uncle Matt was wrong, or maybe he wasn't. I'd decided what to do about David a bunch of times. The only thing was that ever time I decided, one way or the other, I'd start thinking about what the consequences would be and change my mind. Every time I decided to tell Judy I'd take him, the thoughts of the lack of time with the other boys would cause me to change my mind and decide I just didn't have enough time to properly care for him. Then when I thought about him, I could see he needed someone and I was worried that Judy wouldn't be able to find the type of home he needed. She was always complaining about the lack of good foster homes, and when David's handicap was brought up, she complained even more. I didn't really see a missing hand as much of a handicap, but perhaps others did. Of course maybe the problem would go away and Judy would find some of his relatives who wanted him, but somehow I had my doubts. If he knew of any such relatives, I couldn't help but think he would have mentioned them by now. Then there was her having mentioned only four foster kids per home. I wasn't sure what effect my having filed adoption papers for the boys would mean to that, but I had a hunch that would put me in her sights for more boys. I already had more boys than I could properly care for, at least the way I wanted to care for them, but no one else seemed to agree with me. Everywhere I turned people kept saying how well I was doing and I couldn't see it. Mostly I just stayed out of their way and let them work through their problems. As I saw it, the boys seemed to draw strength from each other and that was what was helping them. About all I was doing was supplying a safe place for them to do so. Sure, we talked about various problems they were having, and most of the time I could get them to think and figure out how to solve those problems, but they could have done that on their own. Mainly I just accepted them and encouraged them. I tried to be a good role model and also tried to point out where some people were wrong in the way they reacted to others. We had had discussions on bigotry of all kinds, such as racial bigotry, intellectual bigotry, and homophobic bigotry. I tried to point out that it didn't make any difference if you were black or white, fat or thin, had a high IQ or a low IQ, or any other thing, you were entitled to respect unless you did things which warranted the loss of that respect. To think you were superior to someone because you were of a different color, or were thinner, or loved a different sex than was the norm is silly and I made sure to point that out. Inside we are all human and all need and want about the same things, such as acceptance and love. So Mrs. Webb was overweight, that didn't take away from her ability to teach. Why anyone could think she was less than a nice person simply because of her weight was stupid in my mind. She worked hard at being the best teacher she could be and that was what was important. That she succeeded was even more important and succeed she did. I didn't know what Jerry thought, but in my mind she was one of the best teachers he had. She had a gentle way of correcting mistakes which never angered the kids and they learned from her rather than resented her. My mind drifted on to what Uncle Matt had said about kids trusting me. When I thought about it, I couldn't remember any of my friends ever telling me they had said much to any of the counselors, but maybe they didn't wish to admit it. Certainly I never had. In fact the closest I'd ever come to opening up to a teacher was in college and then we had talked about the loss of my parents, not my sexuality. Even then it had been to Professor Martin and not a counselor. Somehow, I could never bring myself to admit to any problems, especially to someone who might be able to help me. I knew I was stubborn, but somehow the thoughts of admitting weakness always stopped me from opening up. Prof. Martin had chewed me out about that, but it hadn't done any good. He had finally given up and done what he could and that was enough to get me back on the right track. A counselor can't help you unless you are willing to be honest with him and tell him what is bothering you, and I just couldn't do it. Maybe the shame of being gay was the problem. My mind knew there was no shame in it, but my heart was still trying to adjust to believing that. I was left wondering how many gay adults were still secretly ashamed of being gay even though they knew it was foolish to feel that way. Being gay in a society in which a substantial segment of the population feels you are a freak exacts its toll, and no matter how much you try to overcome it, it still hurts. I could well understand some of the resentment by blacks. However, they were forced to confront it because it is hard to cover up what color you are. With gays, the problem was much different. God only knew how many gays and lesbians had married someone of the opposite sex simply to blend in. While I'd never gone that far, I could understand it. Then there were all the people who had never married. What was their reason? Could it be that they were not really that attracted to the opposite sex? Perhaps some, maybe many of them were so far in the closet that they were unwilling to admit their attraction to their own sex even to themselves. I had lots of questions, but no answers. I had taken the cowards way out and ignored the problem, instead concentrating on my work. Until Corey had come along that was enough, but after I met him I had realized I was missing one of the most important things a person can have. That thing was love. Then there was what Uncle Matt had said about Judy. Everything about her told me Uncle Matt was right about her wanting to protect and help kids. If that was true, what had she seen in me that caused her to take a chance on me? She'd offered lots of reasons at various times, but when I thought about them, they didn't really ring true. Maybe they were true in one sense, but they didn't answer the question of just why she was willing to go out on a limb as far as she was. All the things she'd said were like tiny bits to a puzzle and until that puzzle was put together I couldn't see the picture, only the bits. As I thought about it I came to the conclusion that I didn't think she was trying to mislead me, only that she wasn't telling me the complete reasons and that brought up did she even know and understand why she was doing it? It could very well be something like she was going with instinct, provided Uncle Matt was right, and had not consciously figured out why she was doing what she was. I wondered if it would be worth it to try to hold a conversation with her in hopes of truly figuring things out, but doubted that it would answer all— "Sam," Uncle Matt said, interrupting my thoughts. "Are you going to sit there all night or are you going to drink your cocoa and go to bed?" When I looked at my cocoa, it was cold and a skin had formed on the top. I thought about drinking it anyway, but instead poured it out and put the mug in the dishwasher. When that was done I headed for bed. I really don't know why because there was not much time left to sleep, but maybe having warm bodies to cuddle up to would warm me back up. While the house wasn't cold, sitting there in my robe had been on the chilly side and I was covered with goose bumps. As I slipped into bed I wished I could figure out what to do. My indecision had cost me almost four hours of sleep. The worst part of it was that I suspected that Uncle Matt was right and that when I was forced to decide I would offer to take David in. I just wasn't ready to admit that to myself. Things didn't seem right as I lay there next to Kevin. Then it dawned on me, Dog wasn't on the bed. He was guarding the rug rats. Maybe Dog and I were alike in some ways. He tried to protect the weakest and perhaps that's what I was doing. It wasn't that the boys were weak, only that they were in such a minority that they needed help against the bigots of the world. Dog was trying to make sure the little ones survived to grow up, and so was I. Somehow the thoughts of myself as a dog amused me and relaxed me and I drifted off to sleep. There would be plenty of time to worry about all this later. To be continued...