I'm Not Gay:  Philip's Story
by Ashley Hardric ©2006
ahardric@gmail.com

Disclaimers: 
    This is a work of fiction.  That means it is not true.  Didn’t happen.  It’s a figment. No boys were involved or harmed in the writing of this story and no trees were sacrificed.  Author assumes no responsibility for seminal damage to keyboards.  Author does not condone sex with boys; he just writes fantasies about it.  Further, sex in reality requires caution and protection, but my characters won’t catch any bad bugs unless I write them in.  Be safe and legal in the real world, and enjoy the story only if you are of age and location to do so legally.

    **This story is the property of the author and may not be reproduced elsewhere (i.e. other than Nifty Archive)  without his permission.**
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Esteemed Readers:

While Ferris seems to be about done with his story, Philip has some details to wrap up.  He has not shared all of them with me, yet, so I have no idea of how much more there is to tell.  We'll just have to wait and see.  Thanks for being patient with him.  --  AH

Philip's Story, part 1

Ferris asked me about why I wouldn’t use my JiuJitsu when I got picked on at school, and I wouldn’t tell him.  I guess I’ll have to pretty soon, but the memory is still painful for me, even after this long.  My therapist says it would be good for me to talk about it with other people, and Ferris is the only one I can even consider telling, at this point.  Maybe if I try writing the story out I can make it make enough sense to tell.  Although I’m not sure that it even makes sense to me, yet.

I still can’t believe that I nearly killed that boy.  I can’t believe that I was capable of doing it.  I  can’t believe that I would’ve done it if they hadn’t pulled me off him.  And I still can’t believe that my skinny little body had that kind of strength, not to mention anger, in it.

I guess I was more upset about the sex than I even realized at the time.  I mean, sure, I knew I was gay.  I’ve known that since I was old enough to know what gay meant, which was pretty early, since my parents started the sex ed stuff early with me.  Really early.  They didn’t want me to get in the same kind of mess my step brother was in, with the AIDS and all.  I guess it was really tough on them seeing him die.  But that was before I was even born, so I don’t have any emotional connection to him.  Anyway, they taught me everything there was to know about sex, both straight and gay, and I knew way before puberty that I liked boys and that boys made my dick get hard, and that I liked it when it did.  And that I liked having it touched, and I liked touching other boys’ dicks.  And men, too. 

Like that time at the beach about five or six years ago, in the public shower room, with that incredible hunk of a lifeguard.  And those other men, all hard, holding me up, so that the lifeguard sucking on my dick could do it standing up.  I’d been staring at him half the day, and I had a hard on most of the time, and he knew it, and he let me see his dick by spreading his legs and pulling his board shorts up almost to his hips.   I could see right up to his crotch, his balls and his dick and everything.   When my dad told me it was time to get cleaned up, I made sure the guard knew where I was going.  I headed to the shower, watching behind me to see if he was following me.  Which he was.  In the shower room, there were about five or six guys that I’d seen earlier on the beach, most of them with their own little kids playing in the sand.  I took my swim suit off and I was already hard, and so were they.  The guard walked in, naked and hard and he came over to me and put his hands on my shoulders, and pulled me against him.  He was so big and I was so little, he just engulfed me in his arms.  It was so great.  My face was about at his crotch, his hard cock against my cheek.  He didn’t ask me to suck him or anything, just held me against him for awhile.  And then the other men lifted me up by my arms and between my legs, held me so the guard could suck me.  Someone was doing something to my butthole, too, but no one fucked me.  They shot all over me, though, which I thought was quite amazing.  The sucking was incredible, and I had my first ever dry cum.  Boy when that happened, I knew that I was already in heaven.  And having those guys cum all over me while the lifeguard sucked me, that had me totally turned on.  And since I hadn’t started puberty yet, my dick stayed hard and the guy kept sucking on it, and I had another dry cum before they put me down and let me rinse their cum off.  I was still hard when I left the showers.

So yeah, I’ve known I was gay for a good long time.  But other than jerking off with other little boys--and totally liking it--I hadn’t done anything beyond simple fooling around with another boy.  Until that day in the locker room.  When I got raped.

When I nearly killed that boy.

Thend.