The diary of a Gay Boy Lover
This diary is open to anyone who finds it.
However, it cannot really be considered a diary,
for it is not written like one. This is a story.
It is my story of when I met a young boy
and began a relationship with him.
It was so long ago, yet the memory remains as
fresh and vivid as Jordan's face when it's painted
by the sun's morning rays.
It actually started when I was 13. I had received
from my father a diary. I had not asked for it,
but there it was-ugly vomit-green staring me in
the face. My father told me it was because I am
now in my teen years and thought it would help
if I wrote down what I was feeling. And it was in
this journal I would later record the relationship
I had started with a young boy.
However, this story begins with a different boy
named Noah. I won't spend much time describing
our relationship, but I must say something
about him, for he plays an important role in the
Noah and I had met at my high school my freshman
year. It was after orientation. I was walking
aimlessly, trying to find my locker. Distracted, I
ran right into a pole and fell to the floor.
Slightly disoriented, I heard a voice exclaim, "Oh
my god. Are you all right?"
A hand was before me, I took it. "Yeah. I'm okay." I
should mention here that I grew up in Ireland and
had kept the accent.
My vision cleared, and before me was the most
beautiful face. Dark blonde hair and deep blue
"My name is Noah. I'm a sophomore. The first
day can be a little confusing. Believe me I know.
What's your locker number? I'll help you find it."
"Oh, that's right over here."
He led to the right to locker '183.' I entered my
combination and opened the locker.
"My name is Sam, by the way."
Noah just smiled. I got myself situated and
closed my locker.
"What class do you have first," Noah asked.
"So do I. The classes are in the same wing. We
could walk up there together if you want."
We walked up the stairs to the second floor.
Noah's class came first.
"Well. Here is where we part ways."
He turned to walk into his class.
He turned back around. "Yes?"
"I was…wondering…if…maybe…you would…I
"I'd love to."
"Oh. Okay then."
I reached into my bag and pulled out my PostIt
pad. I wrote my number down and gave it to
Noah. "Call me tonight."
I did not see Noah for the rest of the day.
However, he did call me that night and we set a
date for that weekend. This was also the night I
began writing in my diary.
We met at the Olive Garden. Our parents left us
to our own table. It was a pleasant lunch. Noah
and I learned a lot about each other. We were really
starting to like each other, so we set a date
for the next weekend.
It was after our third date I had walked Noah
to his door where he pulled me in and kissed me
softly on the lips.
I pulled him in and kissed him long and deep.
"Sorry for what?"
"Nothing." He went inside.
The weekend after this, Noah and I were at his
house, his parents had gone for the day. We were
"There is something I want to tell you."
"What is it?"
"I…I love you, Sam."
I smiled. "I love you too."
We kissed and continued watching TV.
The last day of school was a difficult one for us
both. Noah and I were hanging out at my house. We
were in the kitchen. "Noah. I have some bad news."
"What is it?"
"I won't be able to see you over the summer."
"I have to go to camp this summer."
"Well, I have to extend my knowledge of my faith beyond
the Christian boundaries of this world. I have
to go to a Celtic summer camp. Otherwise, I'll never
learn what I need to know to be successful."
"I understand. I just wish you didn't have to go."
"Come with me. I have a goodbye present for you."
I led him back to my bedroom where we stripped
naked and made passionate love. This was the first
time for both of us. I awoke the next morning in his
arms. "Good morning, lover," he said as I opened my
eyes. "Good morning."
Unfortunately, I had to pack for camp. Noah helped
me. I would be going by bus, so Noah came with
me to the bus station."I'll be right here when you
"And so I shall."
We kissed and I boarded the bus. I arrived at camp.
Nothing to interesting happened during the three
years it took me to become a counselor.
Now a 16 year-old counselor, Noah and I stood at
the same spot at the bus station, though a little
earlier since the bus to pick up the counselors came
before the bus for the campers.
"I will be right here when you return."
"And so I shall."
We kissed and I boarded the bus. This was always
how we parted ways when I went to camp. I arrived
and went to the cabin with the counselors. The
camp leader, Brigit (Breet), blabbed on about rules
"Your ward is your responsibility. Teach them well."
This was all I heard from him. "Now, the bus is here,
so let's go meet the children."
We went outside just as the bus pulled up. The children
clambered off the bus. They were all aged from
seven to twelve.
Each of us took one child into our care. My best
girlfriend Willow got a young girl named Caitlyn.
"And…Samuel. You get Jordan. He's twelve."
Standing next to Brigit was the most beautiful
young boy I had ever seen: long white-blonde hair
and gorgeous, deep green eyes. My heart fluttered
at the sight of him, and my soul touched the sky.
Jordan was wearing a gray shirt and black shortshorts.
He was one head shorter than me, so I got
down on one knee.
"It's nice to meet you Jordan."
"It's nice to meet you too."
Jordan and I spent the day doing the tasks we had
been assigned. I also found out that Jordan was
an amazing painter. He showed me paintings of his
hometown, horses, mountains and so much more.
During free time, we were allowed to go down to
Lake Morrigu (named after the water goddess.)
There weren't many tasks for the day, so must
of us finished early. Jordan and I changed into our
swim trunks. I caught a glimpse of his bare butt as
he was pulling up his trunks. He turned around, and
his bathing suit was low enough so that I could see
the top of his "V."
We met Willow and her ward between the two cabins
and walked down to the lake together.
Jordan and I swam around for a while until I noticed
some of the other counselors and their wards gathering
in a circle and singing hymns.
"Jordan, would you like to join them?"
We swam over to them as they began to sing one
of my favorite hymns-Harp of Dagda. Jordan and I
began to sing. His voice lifted me to the sky, just as
the Harp of Dagda does in the song.
O harp of Dagda - teach me to fly
To take the music - up to the sky
For dreams of Aisling - laments I cry
O harp of Dagda - teach me to fly
I want to fly with you across the brine
Inducing melodies to bring back time
Duets in harmony to lilt and wain
I want to fly with you again
We sang the hymn through a few times. Then we began
to sing Barbarian - as well as a few of my other
favorites: Scarborough fair, Danny Boy and Whiskey
in the Jar – just to name a few. We continued to
sing until the sun popped and stars dotted the sky.
Jordan and I returned to our cabin and changed into
our PJs. Counselors and their wards always slept
in bunk beds together. The counselor slept on top
while their ward slept on the bottom.
That night, Jordan came to me in my dreams. I was
standing on a mountain top. Born aloft by beautiful
white wings and wearing beautiful white robes, he
landed before me and wrapped his wings around
I awoke to the light of the sun. Jordan and I arose
to complete the day's tasks. According to my
schedule, it was our job to greet the morning sun
and bless the day. We all gathered in the meeting
Oh, great mother,
We greet you today.
Bless this ground and its people.
Guide us through our duties,
So that we complete them well.
See that our curses are just,
And that our spells are for the greater good.
We ask this of you and more.
And so say we, this prayer is done.
I dismissed the group and we went to the day's
tasks. Once more, we finished early enough to
swim. Each day, I grew more and more smitten
with Jordan. The thoughts of Noah that typically
occupied my mind at camp were pushed out by
recurring thoughts of Jordan and that recurring
dream of him with white wings.
The night before final goodbyes, I had the same
dream once more. I said goodbye to Jordan the
next day. As the bus drove away, I felt a little sad.
"And so ends another two months at camp,"
Willow said. I remained silent.
"Sam. You okay?"
"Hmm. Yeah. I'm okay."
We began walking to the cabins.
"So," I said, "did you like your ward?"
"Mm-hmm. She was a sweet girl. Did you like
"I did." More than she would ever know.
The bus arrived to deliver me back home.
Noah was in the spot he was always in. I greeted him
with a kiss and we drove to his house where we had
sex - I would have called it "making love" but it just
didn't feel the same. I still loved Noah, though when
I was with him I didn't feel the same feelings I felt
before. Jordan continued to occupy my thoughts.
I fell asleep and had the same dream again. I slept
through the night, the dream looping itself over
and over. It always ended right as Jordan wrapped
his wings around me. The months crawled by slowly
until it was time to return to camp.
"I will be here when you return."
"And so I shall."
We kissed and I boarded the bus. I could hardly
contain my excitement to see Jordan. I would not
be a counselor this year because Jordan no longer
needed one and the counselor position was a
volunteer program. I went to the meeting cabin and
prepared for his arrival. I watched eagerly as the
second year kids got off the bus.
I stared in awe as Jordan got off the bus. He had
grown almost a full head taller.
"Sam!" He ran up to me and wrapped his arms
around me. I returned the gesture.
"I'm glad you came," I said.
"And I'm glad you came."
Jordan and I spent the day together. He showed me
some paintings he had done over the school year. He
also shared that he was working on one of him and I,
though he hadn't gotten it quite right yet. He said
something was missing.
The first day, no one had any tasks to complete.
Therefore, everyone went swimming. Jordan had
gotten a new bathing suit, a black Speedo.
Jordan's body had changed too. He now had slight
muscles and a nice, sharp "V." To my delight, his
body had not yet begun to grow hair.
Too soon, the last day of summer camp came. We
were all down at the lake swimming. I was swimming
with Jordan when Willow said she wanted to talk to
me. We didn't even get into the conversation when
I heard someone yell, "Someone help! He's drowning!"
I turned just in time to see a white-blonde head fall
beneath the water.
I sprang into action. I had taken lifeguard and CPR
lessons at the Medical Center. I reached out for
Jordan's hand and pulled him ashore.
Willow had also taken classes at the same centerthis
is where we met. I instructed her to compress
his chest while I gave him the breath of life.
After a few breaths, Jordan coughed up water and
began to breathe on his own. I took his wet body
into my arms. His mouth was right by my ear. He
whispered, "I love you Sam." Then he slipped into
unconsciousness. I took him to the medial cabin.
The nurse examined him.
"Will he be okay," I asked once the nurse was finished.
"He'll be all right. We're going to keep him here
overnight just in case."
"Is it all right if I stay?"
"Certainly. I'm going to give him an adrenalin shot
just to be safe. I'll be right back." The nurse left
the room. Taking a quick look around I leaned
down and whispered into Jordan's ear,
"I love you too."
I sat back up and saw that Jordan's eyes were open.
"Jordan. You are awake."
"Yeah. You love me?" I leaned down once more and
whispered, "With all my heart." Jordan smiled a cute
boy smile. The nurse came back in. "Oh, you're awake.
Well, you won't be needing the shot then."
Brigit came into the cabin. "Oh, good. Here you are."
"What is it?"
"One of the counselors fell ill. Could you take care of
her tasks? You don't have to worry about her ward;
I'll take care of her."
"Of course I will."
"I'll come visit you later Jordan."
I took on Angie's tasks for the day. They took me
longer for I had Jordan on my mind all day. By the
time I finished the tasks, it was too late to visit
Jordan. I went to my cabin and fell asleep.
I stand atop a mountain under a pale blue sky. In
the distance, I see a figure approaching - born aloft
by soft white wings. The figure lands before me and
wraps his wings around me. He pulls me in and our
lips meet in a gentle kiss.
I awoke feeling something on my lips. I reached up
into the inky blackness and felt long, soft hair. The
feeling left my lips. "Jordan. Is that you," I whispered.
"Yes," came the whispered reply.
"You should be at the medical cabin."
"I couldn't sleep without you in the same room."
"Oh, Jordan," I wrapped my arms around him, "I love
you so much."
"I love you too. Sam…?"
"I…I…I was wondering…if maybe…possibly…wwe…
"Make…love. Make love to me Sam. Please?"
"Jordan…a-as much a-as I…want to…it's too…
there's no-" He cut me off with another soft kiss.
I couldn't resist him. "Alright." He kissed me once
more. "Let's go to the lake," I said.
After light's out, no one was allowed to come down
to the lake. Ergo, we wouldn't be found out. I saw in
the pale moonlight of the lake that Jordan was still
wearing his Speedo. Silently, we stripped naked. The
pale glow of the moon painted Jordan's completely
smooth body a lustrous shade of white.We silently
slid into the lake. For the first time, I could truly feel
the power of Lady Morrigu. And her energies were
pushing me towards Jordan and pushing Jordan towards
me. We swam to each other and kissed long
and passionately. "Are you ready," I whispered. He nodded. I silently led him up onto the beach and lay
down on the sand. Jordan lay down on top of me
and kissed me. And so, our bodies entwined, rolling
around on the soft, white sand, we made sweet,
soft, passionate love. And it was the sweetest,
softest and most passionate love I had ever had.
Jordan and I returned to our cabin where we both
dressed and slept soundly the rest of the night.
I awoke the next morning to the gentle caress of
the suns rays - and Jordan's hand-on my cheek. I
opened my eyes and he climbed into my bed.
"Good morning, Jordan."
"Good morning, Sam."
In only a few hours, Jordan would have to leave.
I helped him pack and went to the goodbye ceremony.
As we exited the hall, a woman with brunette
hair and green eyes was standing outside
the cabins. "Mom," Jordan said.
"What are you doing here?"
"Well honey, your dad was transferred again.
We're moving cross-country to a new home."
My heart ripped in two as my soul shattered into a
million pieces. I chocked back the tears that were
struggling to burst forth.
"What? But…I don't want to leave."
"I'm sorry sweetie, but we have to."
I remained silent until Jordan's mom addressed
me directly, "Are you a friend of Jordan's?"
"Uh…yes. I am. My name is Sam. I was Jordan's
counselor last year."
"Oh yes. Jordan has told me a lot about you. Well, I
hate to rush, but we must get going."
"Ma'am. I was wondering if I could have a moment
to say goodbye to Jordan. He was a really good
friend. I am going to miss him a lot."
"Come Jordan. We'll go to the glade."
We walked the few feet into the forest and entered
the glade. Jordan set down his suitcase. As soon as
the case made contact with the ground, we burst
into tears and embraced each other. The tears
streamed down our faces like waterfalls.
"Oh, Sam. I am going to miss you so much. I never
felt this way about anyone ever before."
"I haven't either."
"I don't want to say goodbye."
"You don't have to. True love means never having to
"I wish you could come."
"And I wish you could stay."
Suddenly, an idea hit me. I reached into my jeans
and removed my small pocketknife. I cut off a lock of
my brown hair, tied it off with a twig and gave it to
Jordan. "So that I can go with you."
Jordan took the knife, cut off a lock of his beautiful,
white-blonde hair, tied it off with a twig and gave it
to me. "So that I can stay with you."
Jordan put my lock of hair in his suitcase. I put mine
in my pocket. We wiped the tears from our cheeks
and walked out of the glade. We wordlessly parted
ways. I could not wait to get home and leave the
torturous memories behind.
Noah met me at the bus stop, but I was in no mood
"Hi, sweetie. Wel-"
" Take me home."
We got in the car and hit the road.
"Sam…are you okay?"
"Hmm. Yeah I'm fine. I'm just going to miss camp."
"Well, you can always go back next year."
"I'm not going back."
"Because I feel I've learned all I need to know." And
because that's where the memories of my true love
"Well. Okay then."
We arrived back at my house and went to my bedroom.
Sex with Noah no longer felt the way it did. It
was now hollow and empty, a pointless task.
Each day I fell deeper and deeper into depression.
Even the most beautiful day could not lift my spirits.
Noah became little more than a source of sexual
release. Jordan occupied my thoughts constantly.
All day and night, I thought of him. He always
came to me in my dreams as the winged figure
on the mountaintop. He would land before me,
kiss me and we would make love. I would awake from
these dreams and have to find a quiet place to
weep. I began to grow more and more tired each day.
All I ever wanted to do was sleep.
It was after school one day when Willow came up
to me. "Sam, you seem sad. I'm having a party this
weekend. Why don't you come?"
The weekend came and I went over to Willows for the
party. Party music was blaring on the stereo.
"Sam. Come in." I entered her house.
"My parents made mead. Would you like some?"
She handed me a red party cup filled to the brim
with the amber colored liquid. And so I drank and
drank and drank until the world's sounds, tastes,
smells, sights and pains were all blurred and dulled.
I awoke the next morning in a strange bed.
"Willow! W-what…what am I doing here.
What happened last night. Did we…?"
"Well. You slept in my bed because you were way to
drunk to drive home. And no we did not. Here, have
She now held out to me a mug filled to the brim with
chocolate colored liquid.
"Irish Cream. What else?" Willow's family had the
richest Irish blood, and they were damn proud of it.
You could find hardly anything at all in their home
that didn't represent their proud heritage. I took a
drink of the coffee.
"I'm going to the bathroom." I walked to the bathroom.
"Do you have any Tylenol in here?"
"Check the medicine cabinet behind the mirror."
I opened the mirror and found a full bottle of Tylenol.
I took out the bottle and stared at it for several
minutes. I opened the bottle and took two pills. Then
I took two more. Then two more. I kept taking them
until the bottle was empty. I passed out on the
I do not know what happened after that, but I awoke
in a hospital. I saw Noah and my parents gather
around me as they realized I was awake. And, for a
brief, happy moment, I thought I saw Jordan. However
it was just an illusion.
I spoke with a therapist the next day.
"I'm Dr. Olia, but you may call me Caroline."
She sat down in the chair next to the bed. Silent.
"So…am I supposed to start?"
"If you want."
"I'd prefer you start."
"Alright. How do you feel right now?"
"So deeply depressed that the only way out is the
sweet release of death."
"I see. Why are you depressed?"
"I don't know."
"Sam, please, I have a Masters in psychology from
"Well, whoopty-damn-doo," I said sarcastically
"Anyway, I can tell when people are lying. Your palms
are sweating and you drew your knees to your
chest before you answered the question in order
to create a barrier between us. You are also biting
your cheek - you are holding something back. You
know why you're depressed. But if you don't want
to share then we can just sit here quietly until our
session is up."
We sat silent for several minutes.
"Anything I say doesn't leave this room right? You
have to keep it a secret? Doctor patient confidentiality,
"Yes. Whatever you say here, I will not reveal to
anyone. So then, are you ready to share?"
I nodded. "Go ahead. I'll listen quietly until you are
finished." And so, I proceeded to tell her the story
as you have heard it thus far.
"I can see why you are depressed. You lost your
true love. I am so sorry."
"Thank you," I said, wiping the tears away from my
eyes. "Sam, I am trying a new therapy technique
with cases like you, and it has worked in the past."
"What is it?"
"I'm not going to send you to a mental hospital.
I want you to return to camp. The source of your
depression lies there. You have to let Jordan go.
Go to the camp and release him from your heart's
"I see what you're saying. I don't think it will work,
but I will do anything to not feel this way anymore."
"Good. I want you to stand at the shore of the
lake where you and Jordan first made love and say
goodbye to him."
So, that summer, I visited the camp and stood at
the shore in the exact spot where I had first seen
Jordan naked - with the lock of his hair in hand."
"Jordan…I love you and I always will, but I cannot
move on until I let you go. So, I have to say
farewell." I threw the lock of hair onto the water.
"I thought true love meant never having to say
I turned to the voice and saw before me a boy as tall
as me with white-blonde hair and beautiful green
Jordan ran up to me and took me into his arms.
The only thing about him that had changed was his
height. As he held me, my heart repaired itself and
my soul came back together. My heart fluttered and
my spirit touched the sky.
"I never thought I'd see you again," I said, silent
tears falling from my eyes. "How is it that you are
"I begged with my mom to let me stay. Eventually
she lamented, and I moved in with my grandmother."
"Oh, Jordan. My life has been chaos without you."
"Let's go back to the cabin and you can tell me all
We went to our cabin and I told Jordan what happened
to me after camp last year.
"…so Caroline suggested that I come here and say
goodbye to you. I'm glad she did."
"So am I."
"I wish that I hadn't thrown your hair upon the
"Do you have your knife with you?"
"Yes." I pulled my knife out and gave it to him. He cut
off a lock of his hair, tied it off with a twig and gave
it to me. "So that I am always with you."
We spent the day in our cabin, talking about random
things until nightfall and lights out. We traversed
down to the lake. Just like the first night me made
love, we swam in the lake - letting the energies of
Lady Morrigu guide us. And we began to make love
on the sand.
"Sam!!!" We had been found out by Brigit.
If it weren't for United States law, my counselor
would have never turned me in. Unfortunately, he
had to. Noah left me, but I didn't care.
My court date was set, and I posted bail until then.
I later received my summons. I arrived in court. The
judge - as well as my lawyer - were women. Mrs. Ackely's
(Jordan's mom's) lawyer was a man. My therapist
had come to testify, whether it was for me or
against me, I did not know. Noah had also shown up
to view the verdict.
My therapist was called to the stand.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth
and nothing but the truth?"
"Sit down please."
"Mrs. Olia," Mrs. Ackley's lawyer began, "you spoke
with Mr. Eopia after he attempted suicide, correct?"
"What did he say to you?"
"That he had fallen in love with a boy at camp, but he
lost him and fell into deep depression."
"Did he share with you that he and this boy had had
sex on the shores of Lake Morrigu?"
"He did. But I hardly see what that has to do with
this case. He was seventeen then. What they
had done was not against the law."
"You make a good point Mrs. Olia. I have no further
questions. Mrs. Olia, you may step down."
Caroline regained her seat.
"I would like to call the stand Samuel Eopia."
I arose and walked to the front.
"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth?"
I sat down on the stand and Mrs. Ackely's lawyer
began to question me.
"Mr. Eopia, Would you please share with the court
the story of how you met Jordan?"
"Sure. It was my first year as a counselor at the
camp. Jordan was my ward. Over the two month
period, we grew closer and closer."
"Now, am I correct to assume that you and Mr.
Ackley had sex on the shores of Lake Morrigu the
"You we're seventeen and he was thirteen, correct?"
"Afterwards, you met him again at the same camp
and had sex the first night you were there, correct?"
"And you knew that such an act was illegal,
"And yet you proceeded with the actions anyway.
You molested a fourteen year old boy."
"I did not."
"You raped a young boy."
"You committed a crime!"
"Objection your honor," my lawyer said, "he's badgering
"I withdraw the statement. You may step down."
I sat back down at the table.
"I now call to the stand Mr. Molnan, the camp
"Mr. Molnan," the Ackley lawyer began after Mr. Molnan
had been sworn in, "I just have one question for
you. Did you see these two young gentlemen having
sex on the shores of Lake Morrigu this last year?"
"That is the only question I have. Mr. Molnan, you
may step down." Mr. Molnan returned to his seat.
"Does the defending council have any witnesses to
call," the judge asked.
"Your Honor," my lawyer said, "I call to the stand
the only witness we have who can tell us the true
story, Jordan Ackley." Jordan was sworn in and
took his place on the stand.
"Mr. Ackley," my lawyer began, "did you consent to
sex with Sam?"
"Actually, I requested it from him."
"Ah, I see. Mr. Ackley…do you love him?"
"Objection Your Honor," the Ackley lawyer said, "I
fail to see what this has to do with the case."
"Overruled. I'd like to see where this is going. Jordan,
answer the question."
"I do. He is my true love. My love for him occupies
my heart and soul. I cannot live without him."
My lawyer turned to face the courtroom, "Samuel
Eopia is this young man's true love and vice versa.
Why should my client be convicted of a crime he
did not commit? Jordan Ackley not only consented
to sex, he requested it. I ask you, is that a
crime?" The room was silent.
Without turning back around my lawyer stated,
"You may step down." Jordan regained his seat.
"Are there any closing statements," the judge
asked. All was silent.
"Would the jury please go to the jury room and
make their decision." The jury filed out of the room.
For an intense half hour, all was quiet in the courtroom.
Then the jury filed back into the room.
"Has the Jury reached a decision?"
"We have your honor. We the jury, find Samuel A.
Eopia…guilty of sexual molestation of a minor."
A cacophony of voices filled the courtroom.
"Order! Order!!" The room quieted.
"Mr. Eopia," the judge began, "I am a compassionate
woman. I can tell that you and this young man
are in love. However, I must abide by the state law.
I sentence you to five years in a minimum-security
penitentiary with possibility of parole.
Court is adjourned." I saw Jordan struggling against
his mother. He eventually broke free, ran over to me
and hugged me. "I will wait for you."
We parted and I was taken to the prison.
"This is your cell." The guard opened the door and let
me in. I entered and the guard closed the door.
" You must be my new cellmate." In the shadowy corner
was a large, burly man with many tattoos witling
at what looked like a chicken bone. He walked over
to me. I closed my eyes and turned away. "My name
is Rick. What's yours?" I turned back and saw Rick
holding his hand out to me. "My name is Sam." I took
his hand and shook it. He sat down on the bed.
"So what are you in for?" I sat down on the bed and
pulled out the one possession they let me keep, a
lock of white-blonde hair. "For love."
"Not the first time I heard that story. What was his
"How'd you know he was a boy?"
"When you have been here as long as me, you develop
a sense for it."
"How long have you been here?"
"I've been at this particular prison for two years.
Total I've been in prison five years."
"I am a serial rapist."
"Don't worry. I don't do that anymore. However,
I must pay my debt, and I was not given a parole
option. I'm stuck. Luckily, I am doing well enough to
be in a minimum-security prison. So what was his
"First time, 13. Last time, 14."
"Did you love him?"
"I did and still do. He said he would wait for me."
"Well, I hope he does."
As I looked at Rick's face, I noticed that he didn't
look that old.
"How old are you?"
"Yep. I started when I was fifteen. Went from juvee
A few months later, I received a visitor. It was Noah.
"Noah. What are you doing here?" Since I was in a
minimum-security prison, he and I were not separated
by bulletproof glass. "I missed you. I wanted
to see you."
"But Noah…I cheated on you. I am in prison
because of it."
"You know I don't feel the same way about you."
"Yes. I do. I will always love you Sam. But if this
young man is your true love, than I won't stand and
in your way." He stood up, walked around the table
and kissed me. "Goodbye, Sam."
And Jordan did wait for me. Four years later, I was
released from prison. No parole. I was free based on
good behavior. Jordan greeted me with a bouquet of
lilies and a kiss. We walked to his truck. "I bought us
"What? You did?"
I smiled. We got in the truck and drove towards
the shore. "I also finished the painting of us.
I found out what was missing."
"I'll show you once we get home."
We arrived at the ocean-side home. Jordan took me
inside and showed me the painting. It looked almost
exactly like my dream, except I had the wings this
"I had this dream several times," Jordan said.
"So did I. You had the wings." Jordan smiled.
We went outside and laid down on the soft, white
sand where, our bodies entwined, we made soft,
sweet passionate love.
It was a few months later I received a letter from
Noah's parents. I opened it and read it.
I regret to tell you that Noah has died. He killed himself.
This suicide note was enclosed. Noah's funeral is
on March 14
I am sorry that I had to do this, but it was the only
way to leave the pain behind. Do not blame yourselves,
especially you Sam. Although it was the
quenching of my burning love for you that caused the
pain deep in my soul, I do not blame you. I love you and
I always will. Goodbye.
I read the letter through several times. Tears welled
up in my eyes and dripped onto the paper. Jordan
came out from the bedroom.
"Oh my god. What's wrong sweetie?"
I showed him the letter.
He read it, sat down next to me and took me into his
arms. Heavy sobs finally broke through.
We went to Noah's funeral. I gave my condolences to
his family and said goodbye to Noah.
"Noah," I said, "although Jordan is my soul-mate,
there will always be a place in my heart for you. May
your soul take up residents there."
Jordan and I returned to our home.
THE FINAL PART
And so, it is with a light heart I stand on the shore
of the ocean with Jordan by my side - diary and
Ziploc bag in hand. To all who find this diary, may
you enjoy the story as much as I enjoyed writing it.
I seal the diary in the bag and toss it out to sea.
Jordan and I walk back to our ocean - side home.