Date: Fri, 25 Mar 2016 01:37:47 +0000
From: Chezdon <chezdon1997@gmail.com>
Subject: Innocence Waning Chapter 17

Chapter 17

I deftly insert my key into the lock on the door of my apartment and
momentarily pause before turning the shard of metal. I drop to my knees and
open my backpack and upon finding my bloodied shirt, I decide it is prudent
to get rid of it and quickly walk to the rubbish chute at the opposite end
of the corridor and toss it into the the dark chasm. No amount of detergent
or chemicals I surmise will return the white cotton fabric to its virginal
state and I know that keeping it is a souvenir would be disturbing to
anyone that comes across it, including me in the future. I attempt to
massage the pain emitting from my forehead away with my warm hand and
return and quickly twist the key in the lock until I hear the ominous
click. I am granted access to my dwelling and then shortly afterwards my
bedroom, where I immediately strip off my filthy polo shirt and toss it on
the floor.

At first I consider collapsing on my unmade bed but decide it would be
better to take a shower and cleanse my body of the filth and the remnants
of the human secretions left on it which includes Jayden's blood which has
dried in between my fingers. I strip down methodically and kick my shoes,
belt and all of my soiled clothes into the corner of my bathroom and onto
the place where Jayden peacefully slept some nights ago. Fond memories of
briefly watching my friend snore on the cold white tiles naked next to the
toilet quickly flood my head which encourages the throbbing pain at the
front of my skull to intensify. After turning on the shower, I rifle
through my cabinet and find one lonely generic pain killer remaining in its
package and quickly greedily toss it down my throat and encourage its quick
travel into my body by suckling the water directly from the tap of the
faucet. I spot the empty small plastic bag that once had white powder in it
on the counter and wish that I could go back in time so that there was some
of the drug left in the bag for me to inhale right now.

I lose track of time showering and after what turns out to be over an hour
of being left alone with my thoughts and the droning hum of the warm water
reflecting off of my body, I emerge from the shower stall first noticing my
back in the reflection of the mirror. It has turned red as the result of
the water systematically pummelling my delicate skin for a prolonged period
of time. Feeling invigorated, I dry off and return to my unmade bed and
crawl under the covers holding my phone and once settled, check to see what
is going on in my social circle and beyond.

I count the seconds quietly in my head before I am not only overwhelmed but
mortified by a collection of thirty second videos making their rounds
through cyberspace that depict Jayden from various angles getting
head-butted by me. Other clips depict the aftermath of our skirmish and the
heated exchange that led up to blood being shed. Rather than add to the
commentary or its associated manufactured outrage, I instead call Bryce who
chooses not to answer his phone. Not wanting to participate in the juvenile
exchanges online, I give a cursory scan of my unread text messages and
finally decide to confirm with Shaun that I am indeed going to go out
tonight and that I will meet with him at the restaurant as originally
planned. Despite feeling emotionally drained and physically exhausted I
decide it would be best for my mental health to extricate myself from the
bad teenage dream that I am living and not just hibernate within the
confines of my soft bed for the evening. The adults I quietly decide should
be able to frolic at home and have what I hope to be a romantic and happy
night once my father returns from the hospital without being exposed to
teenage drama. I close my eyes and hope that my father is still is keen to
pop the big question to Mel. The thought of something positive happening
today puts a smile on my face as I will myself to raise my aching head off
of my pillow and throw the sheets back with some vigour.

My thoughts transport me to an alternate reality as I first dress and then
primp and preen myself whilst replaying my vivid memory of my earlier
confrontation with Jayden over and over in my mind, considering different
scenarios and what the outcomes would have been if I had made different
choices in the heat of the moment. I then intentionally find one of the
amateur videos that was distributed by the boy that was collected in the
Audi R8 as it is by far the most professional of the collection on Twitter
and decide to download it and play it on a continuous loop on my phone as I
first dry and then proceed to style my hair. I watch the video at least
eight times before I am satisfied with how far my hair is standing on end,
making sure the sides are not puffy and my mane is pushed
stylistically-forward and the shaggy mass of hair at the back of my
throbbing head feels like it is knotted before I dust it with hair
spray. Having completed the tedious grooming process I decide that I can go
out into the cold and cruel world confidentially looking older than I
really am after abandoning my signature fringe.  Shaun believes I am
currently in University from memory and I want to keep up this persona and
look an advanced age. Being circumspect, I sigh when I come to the
realisation that I could not have reacted any differently after being
assaulted by Jayden if I didn't want to possibly end up toes-up at the
morgue. I recall the deranged look in his eyes with a sense of horror as he
placed his hands around my throat. My level of outrage intensifies as I
continue to play the video of him attacking me and watch him put his hands
around my delicate neck and the demonic look that forms on his face. His
eyes are bulging and I feel the strange sensation of a shiver moving down
my spine as I close the video and then all of the programs on the phone so
that I can conserve battery power.

Picking up my set of keys in the tray by the front door before opening it,
encourages me to stop and send a text message to Mel saying that I have
gone out and that I will be back around curfew, which is at 10:30 PM on a
weeknight. I catch my own eyes staring back at me in the mirror after I
look up from my phone and then inspect my forehead. It hurts so much and I
am surprised but thankful that there is no mark on it. I then recall the
videos showing blood splattering in all directions and what appeared to
resemble a pint of the red stuff on my white shirt that I threw away
earlier. I am at first in awe that I escaped unscathed, but as I stare back
at my own reflection which doesn't flinch, I watch my face turn a lighter
shade of blood red as my anger rises. My level of disdain for Jayden
increases as I think about him trying to choke the life out of me earlier
and being unconcerned not only for my own well-being but the fact there
were multiple witnesses watching. If I hadn't head-butted him and probably
broken his nose, I take some seconds to wonder if he would have choked me
until I passed out and then consider who was watching the nonsense unfold
and who would have intervened instead of just gawking at the violence
playing out from behind a smartphone. I assume Austin or Malcolm at a
minimum would have somehow pulled Jayden off of me and as I stare back into
my own green eyes and consider who that I know can really be called a
friend after what happened today. If Jayden can act like a deranged
arsehole, anyone can revert into one I realise. It is then I remember that
I do not have any cash in my pocket so I quickly jog to Daniel's room and
liberate his drawer of a further $200, which I am sure he will not notice
is missing after the experience that he has endured. With cash in hand, I
leave the apartment and lock the door behind me, fare welling myself in the
mirror.

I decide to walk though Southbank Promenade at a casual pace before
crossing over the dirty Yarra River and meandering though Federation
Square, only so I do not sweat. The only pair of black skinny jeans that
were clean that I pulled on earlier are skinnier than the others in my
collection and instead of taking a jacket with me, I decided to wear a red
and black flannel shirt knowing the temperature is going to drop later in
the evening. I did not want to be encumbered by a jacket since I tend to
lose them and as I admire the people silly enough to row up the Yarra River
and under the St Kilda Road Bridge, I roll up my sleeves as despite the
reasonably cool temperature I feel like my body temperature is rising from
stress. I briefly stop in Federation Square to respond to multiple text
messages about the unfortunate incident earlier which feels more like a
necessary chore, but I persevere and send concise yet flippant messages
saying that I have gotten on with life and that people need to live in the
moment and not dwell in the past. Seeing thirty minutes remain before I am
supposed to meet Shaun, I decide to call Bryce again.

My friend answers his phone on the third ring and he expresses some
surprise that I called since nobody actually rings one another to chat
these days with all of the social media platforms readily available. I tell
him about the events of the day, culminating with Jayden going postal and
Bryce admits that he has seen the violent videos circulating on Twitter. I
laugh after telling him that I am not shocked since our pathetic lives are
played out online more and more and the world is left to simply judge and
admonish on a whim. We agree to meet for what is turning out to be a
standing lunch engagement on Saturday at the Emporium for tacos once again
and then we bid each other a warm farewell. After Bryce reassures me that I
made the best of a very bad situation and then reassured me once again that
I am not a horrible person I feel better and decide to stop at the familiar
7-11 franchise and purchase a frozen Coke in Jayden's honour. I then decide
that there are no hard feelings, at least on my part. I can only hope that
after Jayden calms down that he will gain some perspective however when he
looks in the mirror at his nose and face, I am sure that will not be the
case.

Slurping on my frozen Coke cools me down as I continue my casual walk
towards Pei Modern restaurant. The memory of watching the film `Unfriended'
last Sunday at the cinema next to the restaurant I am traversing to brings
an unexpected smile to my face. It was just before seeing that so-called
scary movie with Jayden that I met Shaun and then the memories of the past
week begin to overwhelm me once again. I take another long slurp of the
crushed ice and the pain that quickly develops in the back of my head
matches what I am experiencing at the front of my head. It is so bad I have
to stop and message my head and kneel down until the untimely brain freeze
passes. Having a desire to eradicate the pain instead of compounding my
ongoing misery, I toss the frozen Coke into the first rubbish bin that I
find and conclude my slow walk at the doors of Pei Modern near the valet
parking area at the Sofitel hotel. I take a moment to admire the Audi R8
that is parked by the valet desk and quickly determine it is in fact not
the same vehicle that I watched usher away my classmate earlier in the day
as the interior is a different colour. I pause long enough to catch my
reflection in the passenger's side window and upon seeing my reflection,
take the unplanned opportunity to mess with my hair, at least until the
owner of the vehicle deactivates the car alarm, which startles me. I
quickly put my hand on my heart at first thinking that I did something to
set it off but then I notice the owner laughing as he opens the driver's
side door. I mutter "bastard" under my breath and smile. "Beautiful car."
Still with my hand on my heart I say sincerely.

"I know." The professional looking gentleman gets in the Audi, closes the
door and turns it over as I walk toward the entrance to the restaurant and
he drives away.

After a few deep breaths, I walk into Pei Modern. I have been in this
restaurant before with both my father and Mel ironically before seeing a
movie next door, so I know where the bar area is and walk towards it like I
am a regular. "Can I help you?" A female voice asks as I make my way to the
casual seated section.

I turn around quickly and inspect the middle-aged woman with blond hair. I
vaguely remember her from the last time I dined here and I am confident
that she is the service manager. "I am just meeting a mate here, I might
wait over there for him." I point at one of the empty tables in the bar
area. She walks past me and indicates that I should follow her and after
welcoming me, provides me with a small bar menu and a long drinks list as I
take my seat. She proceeds to fill a glass with water after placing the
vessel in front of me.

"In front of you have a bar menu with a list of specials that we have today
and of course the drinks list. Are you dining with us tonight?" I take a
second to start counting her white teeth as she smiles before wondering if
Shaun made a reservation in the restaurant tonight. I once again roll my
virtual dice and take my chances. "Yes we are, there should be a booking
under Shaun." I grind my teeth and compress my lips together with some
force as she walks away and hope that the accommodating and happy woman
doesn't return and quiz me as to what Shaun's surname is as I have
forgotten it. I have him listed in my phone as `Shaun' and his business
card is in my backpack at home. I quickly drink the tap water from the
small glass as I watch the toothy woman return and quietly hope that I have
not made an arse out of myself.

"Yes, we have your booking Shaun. Can I get you something to drink? She
smiles and flashes her insanely white teeth at me once again. The dentist I
use is across the street in one of the commercial towers and I wonder if
she is his patient.

"No, I am Chezdon. Not Shaun. But thanks." I give her a wide smile which
puts my teenage white teeth on display for her to admire. "I will have a
gin and tonic to start if that is okay?"

I give her the opportunity to refuse me service or at least ask for
identification which would prove that I am at least the legal drinking age
of eighteen, but the staff at decent restaurants in Australia rarely ever
bother to ask. "What gin would you like?" She bends down and opens the menu
and points to the many different makers of gin that the bar currently
stocks. Her eyes leave mine for a mere second as she flips the page and
points to the list of grains flavoured with juniper berries before looking
into my eyes once again.

My eyes do not leave hers and confidentially I respond. "Do you have
Melbourne Gin Company? It is hard to find these days."

"Why yes. That is a great choice Chezdon." I am taken aback that she
remembered my name however knowing she has probably never heard such a name
before, I am sure that she considers it unique. "What garnish would you
like if any?"

"Can you do rosemary and orange if possible?" I smile and show my teeth
once again.

"Sure that is no problem. I will be back shortly." The happy woman picks up
the two menus and walks away quickly. I am ecstatic that I have perfected
the ancient art of ordering alcoholic beverages. A smile returns to my face
knowing that once again I was not asked for identification and begin to
twirl the empty glass for mere seconds before the smiling lady returns with
a carafe of water and quickly fills the glass to its brim.

"Do you have any San Pellegrino?" I casually ask. I always prefer to drink
sparkling water instead of the Melbourne tap unless it is out of
desperation.

"Of course. Would you like a large bottle?" She retorts showing her teeth
and smiling wide.

"Of course." I pull the phone out from between my legs as the smiling lady
walks away. A message that arrived five minutes ago from Shaun says that he
will be at the restaurant in five minutes and like clockwork, I look up
after locking my phone and see Shaun waking through the door. The smiling
lady points him in my direction and I stand up and shake his hand after he
gets close enough to me. "G'day mate. How are you doing?"

"Hi Chez. What a day." Shaun pulls his chair back and begins to sit down
and I follow his lead. "People are just crazy. I think I need a drink."
Given he consults with crazy people for a living, the reference in turn
causes me to chuckle. I didn't notice his very square jaw when I first met
him. His facial features are unique however his hair style can be found on
most of the professionals that I saw commuting around the city earlier.

The smiling woman quickly returns with a crystal glass filled with glass of
gin, tonic and ice. She sets it in front of me just as Shaun finishes his
sentence. "I agree." We both look up at the service manager and Shaun
expresses interest in getting a glass of whatever I am having. She nods her
head and walks back to the bar. I pick up my alcoholic beverage and take a
drink and notice the taste of juniper berries move across my palate. My
head throbs and without thinking I rest the chilled glass against it before
taking another drink. "Sorry, but I have a massive headache." I look at
Shaun and he appears older than what I remember. Dressed in a dark suit
gives him more of a conservative appearance which tacks on additional years
to his face which I previously estimated as to being mid-thirties when we
first met at the restaurant last Sunday.

Shaun bends down and picks up his brown leather bag and rests it on his lap
before he starts to rummage through it. Only seconds later he pulls out a
small cardboard box. "Are you allergic to codeine?" He pulls a tray of
pills out of the box and casually looks at me.

"No, I am not allergic to anything that I know of." I take another sip of
my drink. I continue to look at his square jaw as I chew on a cube of ice.

He flexes his arms and proceeds to push a pill through its foil barrier and
onto the table and then repeats the process with a second pill. "Here are
some Panadine Forte. There is a small amount of codeine in these
painkillers, so I am positive that they will sort out your headache." Shaun
is a psychiatrist by trade and I suspect that the throbbing pain in my head
will be a thing of the past shortly as I pop the pills into my mouth and
quickly wash them down my throat with my cold alcoholic beverage.

"Thanks. I appreciate that mate. How are you? How is your sister? I would
say long time and no see, but it has been only a few days." The small talk
seems appropriate and cute and I replicate what I have seen my father do
with his mates. As I am addressing someone potentially as old as my father,
I realise that I need to turn up the maturity level of not only how I
present myself but also the sophistication of the conversation.

Shaun briefly chortles and then crosses his legs under the table after
rotating to the side so he can look at me at an angle. "She is great. She
told me after we met you that if she wasn't getting married in a week that
she would happily give have a go with you as in her words, you are cute."
The smiling woman returns with a glass of gin, tonic and ice and places it
in front of Shaun. Our shared silence encourages her to walk off before he
continues speaking. "She reckons that you would be taken though." He picks
up his glass and sips his drink after eating the flesh of the orange and
discards its rind on the table. "How old are you Chez if you don't mind me
asking? We were debating it for hours over a bottle of wine after we last
saw you."

Knowing that it would be awkward to speak the truth and not also not
knowing how Shaun would react, I decide to divulge a calculated
lie. "Eighteen if you can believe it." At least the smiling server will not
think about ringing the police if she overhears this false confession. "How
old are you? You don't look a day over thirty-five mate." I smile and twirl
the contents of my small glass.

"Forty-three and after today, I am sure feeling it." My heart starts
beating quickly after Shaun's admission. "Excuse me, I am just going to use
the toilet." The chair that Shaun is sitting on screeches against the
concrete floor as it slides backwards. He takes another drink before
setting the glass down and walking off. An awkward feeling overwhelms me as
I imagine him vacating his bladder and shaking drops of urine off of his
dong all the time wondering why this older bloke wants to hang out with a
self-professed teenager tonight. A teenager who is in turn lying about
being an older teenager no less, who is lucky to pull off looking an age
that one can legally drink alcohol in Australia on a day filled only with
controlled chaos. Being somewhat confident that this movie-night is going
to quickly come to an abrupt end when Shaun returns, I feel compelled to
reach under the table and grab his brown leather bag off of the floor and
begin to riffle through it with the hope of finding a few more pain
killers. After quickly unzipping the bag and rummaging past the yellow
legal pads of paper, a laptop and a bound wad of paperwork and after
shuffling things around for what seems to take an eternity, I find a small
cardboard box that at first I believe contains the Panadine Forte
painkillers that I was offered earlier but in actuality it turns out to be
a lonely box of Oxycodone. I know this is a pain killer as my father was
using it when he had some really bad back pain after a particularly
gruelling session of golf a year ago. I decide to open the box and take a
sheet of eight pills out of it quickly and close the box once again and
return it to the bottom of the soft leather bag, before placing it on the
floor under the table. Desperate to eradicate the pain lingering inside my
forehead as quickly as possible, I pop two of the round white pills into my
mouth and chase them with what is left in my thick crystal glass and then
suck on an ice cube. I catch the eye of the smiling woman and raise two
fingers and then shove the remaining pills into my pocket. A `V' for
victory that in service circles can only be interpreted as another round of
two drinks and I am anxious for a refill before the conversation starts
again. Only seconds then pass before I see Shaun making his return journey
from the restroom paying attention to his smartphone as he navigates the
maze of tables and chairs around me. I chew on the ice which makes a loud
crunching sound and swallow the shards as he sits down and drags the chair
back towards our table.

We chat about local and then international politics before discussing
current affairs. Naturally the depressing events in the world encourages me
to change the topic from terrorism to the ever-changing Melbourne weather
and then finally to movies that are currently screening in cinemas. We then
agree that we should migrate into the dining room and enjoy some food if we
are going to make the last scheduled screening of Woman in Gold after we
polish off another round of drinks. Watching the movie which has been on my
mind for ages is then discussed at Shaun's gentle reminder after getting
lost in conversation. We both agree that food is very much needed as Shaun
comments that he has heard my stomach growl multiple times during happy
hour. The idea of seeing the film only to escape from reality at the moment
seems like a holiday as I notice the pain in the front of my head beginning
to subside and decide at the moment that the only thing I immediately want
is another alcoholic beverage.

The lady with big white teeth returns and escorts us to our table in the
dining room. She pushes the chair into the back of my legs as I sit down
and she rushes around the table to repeat the process. Serviettes are then
placed in our respective laps and formal menus are placed in front of
us. After quickly reviewing the extensive wine list, Shaun asks me if I
trust him with selecting a wine and declares that since I am a seemingly
poor university student that he will happily pay for the wine and food and
after briefly considering the kind offer, I nod my head and tell him that I
will follow his lead. I review the dinner menu and say that I am very
interested to try the `native bird dressed with white soy and hibiscus' to
which he orders the dish for two when the smiling woman returns along with
a bottle of 2010 La Clarte de Haut-Bron Pessac-Leognan from Bordeaux for us
to drink. "You don't have a problem with that do you Chez?" Shaun looks at
me curiously like he is evaluating me whilst he sips the remainder of the
gin and tonic from the glass that was graciously placed in front of him by
the attentive woman with the big white teeth.

I quickly drink the remaining contents of my glass, accidentally accepting
an ice cube into my mouth during the process and then suck on it before
spitting it back out into the glass. "Not at all." I take my time to
consider the wine and my surrounds as I pull the flesh of the orange from
the rind that accompanied the repeat drink order before haphazardly tossing
the rind of the fruit back into the glass. "A white Bordeaux. Are you a fan
or are you just choosing it just for the hell of it? You don't find much of
it going around in restaurants these days." Words that my father has
slurred at times at other restaurants occupy my head and fortunately I only
release some of the positive aspects of the varietal in question as not to
potentially offend by benefactor. My father would laugh at the notion of
drinking a white wine from Bordeaux, and the mere thought makes me chuckle.

"Wow, you know your wines Chez. I am impressed."

The last three words raise my ire as I didn't realise that I needed to
impress Shaun, so I attempt to go on the front foot. "Wine is my life. I
haven't ever found a white wine from Bordeaux that is any good, so I am
keeping my mind open and I look forward to it." On cue, the lady with the
sparkling teeth once arrives at our table and presents the wine. Shaun nods
his head indicating that he is satisfied which gives her the green light to
begin the process of extracting the cork from the bottle. She then begins
to regurgitate a wealth of information about the wine and the specific
region of France that the grapes were cultivated as she struggles to remove
the cork. Two other servers then appear like clockwork and place plates
lovingly in front of us in unison with the celebrated native bird which we
ordered which I notice is laying at rest in a compromised position with soy
sauce and edible flowers covering its perceived private places. Shaun
sniffs the wine after it is poured into his glass. "Yum. That smells
wonderful. We will have that." He then places his glass on the table and
the service manager proceeds to partially fill our glasses. Shaun then
picks up his glass and raises it in my direction. "To good times."

"To good times." I repeat and tap and tap his glass gently. I slowly bring
the glass back to my nose and begin to inhale the vapours that are rising
up from the fermented grapes. Amazingly, the alcohol content doesn't make
me cough and I immediately decide that it is in fact a good vintage and
feel embarrassed that I was so hard on this style of wine and greedily
drink it, first catching Shaun's eyes staring at me before tilting my head
back and ingesting the contents of the glass in one fluid motion. I set the
glass down and the lady with the wide smile notices and quickly walks over
and begins to refill the glass. "So what is your story? Are you married? Do
you have any kids my age?" I smile, which makes Shaun laugh before he takes
a drink of the wine and sets the glass on the table.

"No, I am not married but I have a lady-friend that I have been dating for
a few years now. We live together. The only way I can keep one is if I
don't apply all of Kinsey's theories into my day-to-day sexual lifecycle."
Shaun smells the contents of his glass and then sips from it. "Wow, this is
an amazing wine. What do you think?" I briefly think about the movie Kinsey
that I saw a few years ago that chronicled the life of the famous
sexologist. I smirk when I recall that Liam Neeson played the role of
Alfred Kinsey in the movie and begin to ponder the latest and hopefully
final instalment of the movie Taken before reaching for my glass again and
wonder what the meaning behind what Shaun just said is as I have no idea
what it meant.

My mouth having gone dry sometime in the last few minutes encourages me to
drink wine once again in another fluid movement before setting the glass
down gently at the edge of the table which indirectly signals the lady with
the wide smile to return and refill it. "It has a very surprising taste. I
wasn't expecting this." I scratch my leg and then my stomach before
reaching for the glass of wine again and take another sip. "It is really
good. Thank you for suggesting it." I eat a piece of the native bird that
has been placed in front of me whilst Shaun explains the lack of mental
health that his patients' exhibit and how seemingly all of them end up
inevitably end up in the local asylum that is paid for by the generosity of
the taxpayer. My thoughts then revert to Jayden and what played out earlier
and I continue to scratch my leg. I then decide that Jayden needs to see a
professional like Shaun for treatment but avoid sharing any personal
experiences or provide any hypothetical situations for analysis despite a
few scenarios running amuck in my head.

Conversation evolves seamlessly from Shaun's boring work to what I am
currently studying at university which is easily subverted using motherhood
statements involving my old friend Frank Kafka, Post-Keynesian economic
theory which was covered after my return to school after lunch today and an
off the wall statement about calculus which didn't even make sense to
me. Looking at my watch briefly, I excitedly blurt out that Woman in Gold
is scheduled to start in a mere fifteen minutes and further announce the
timing, knowing that our plans will distract Shaun from my so-called life
at Melbourne University. He raises his glass towards me and I emulate his
action and then tap my glass against his. "Why bother? Can't we just chat
and enjoy each other's company? This is the most fun that I have had in
months."

I bring the glass of wine to my mouth and take a prolonged sip. "You need
to get out more mate. Your lady doesn't have you chained to the bed at home
I hope. Or maybe she does?" I smile and wink, which makes Shaun chortle
again which draws the attention of the couple sitting at the table next to
us.

We tap our glasses once again. "You are right Chez, I do need to get out
more. Believe me when I say she doesn't have me chained to the bed. I
haven't had sex in over a year." Shaun drinks the last of the wine in his
glass and then attempts to pour more from the bottle and looks disappointed
when he discovers it is empty. "It looks like we need another one." I am
left stunned as I hold my glass wondering what it would be like to be with
someone for a year and not have any intimate relations.

The smiling woman quickly returns with both the food menu and the wine list
and presents them to Shaun. He quickly flips through the alcoholic
offerings and then closes the binder. "Trust me Chez, you will love this."
He looks at the service manager. "2006 Rusden Black Guts please."

I look at my lap and scratch my dick. The sudden desire to provide relief
to my various itchy body parts is starting to become annoying. I chuckle
before looking up at Shaun after he hands the wine list back to the
attentive staff member. "No worries with that choice mate, I drink that
shit all of the time." Feeling my body temperature gradually rise, I then
realise I need to contain my enthusiasm and not resort to swearing and
gesticulating like a madman.

Shaun's mouth drops open briefly before quickly closing it. He then quickly
regains his composure. "Have you been to the winery?"

"Yeah, it is a great winery. Whenever I am in the Barossa Valley I go there
and see Christian." Christian is the winemaker and the winery is about an
hour and a half north of Adelaide in South Australia. I only know this as I
have been an unwilling participant in the rented car with Daniel and Mel
multiple times as they criss-cross the various wine regions with me in tow
whenever they can. A fond memory returns and I recall laughing at both
Daniel and Mel because they became so drunk that Jayden had to drive the
rented car back to Adelaide with the adults in the back sleep after
indulging all day at the various wineries. Jayden only had his `Learners'
license so it was fortunate that the cops didn't pull us over as they would
not have been very impressed with the sleeping adults in the back seats as
the kids up front bellowing out their rendition of the classic Nirvana
album Nevermind at full volume with the car windows down. The memory makes
me smile.

"What are you thinking about?" Shaun leans his body in closer towards me
over the table and holds his glass only centimetres away from his sparkling
moist lips. I cease reminiscing about happy times with Jayden and I drink
the contents of my glass. "I was just remembering my last visit to the
Rusden vineyard." I pause and rotate the wine glass on the table in its
place which catches the eye of the lady with the big smile. "I was there
with my best mate but we recently had a falling out, so I was thinking
about the good old days."

"I see." Shaun sniffs his glass in a way that reminds of how Mel smells
wine. "What happened between you and your mate if you don't mind me
asking?"

He notices me roll my eyes and once again brings his glass close to his
nose and waits for me to respond. "Before I get into that, you will need to
excuse me. I have the smallest bladder in Melbourne. I will be right back."
With a certain amount of deftness, I pull my phone out from under my arse
and slip it into my back pocket before excusing myself from the table.

I quickly vacate my bladder and then pause to look at myself in the mirror
and wonder why I am here. Besides the good food, wine and conversation, a
sense of unease overwhelms me as I mess up the back of my hair further and
notice that my shirt is starting to absorb the excess perspiration that is
developing in my armpits. After taking a few deep breaths and focusing on
my green eyes that are intently staring back at me, I retrieve my phone to
review the incoming text messages that I have been ignoring whilst sitting
at the table. My phone had vibrated against my perineum and arsehole on
multiple occasions as I was chatting and drinking as I was previously
partially sitting on the device so I know there is some information to read
which will distract me from the awkward situation evolving in the dining
room. My father informs me via text that he and Mel are going to stay at
the Grand Hyatt hotel this evening as he is now betrothed to the woman in
red. I smile widely despite knowing that the Hyatt is only a few hundred
metres from where I am at now. I doubt that I will run into them and
quickly imagine my father and future stepmother doing everything besides
admiring the view out the window and enjoying room service on this much
anticipated evening. Austin is the author of the next text message
explaining that he successfully broke out of the closet and liberated the
skeleton at the same time. His father is stunned and his mother is not
speaking with him and instead went and hid in her room and is having hushed
conversation with her circle of friends. This information makes me pause
and really appreciate both my father and Mel for being so positive and so
supportive when I announced both my sexuality and that Austin and I were
interested in one another. The next text message from Austin enrages me as
his bitch of a mother called him some homophobic names and made some awful
remarks about me. Austin concludes that his mother is coming `to terms'
with her only male child's sexuality and hopes that we can meet an hour
before school tomorrow to hang out. My lips purse and I dig around the
recesses of my mouth with my tongue before responding to Austin. I tell him
that I am proud of him and express my regret that he has to go through such
an uncomfortable situation without me and I express my hope that his
parents will come around quickly and reassure him that things will return
to normal sooner rather than later. Finally I state that I will be at the
`Market Café' an hour before school starts tomorrow for breakfast and to
try to meet me there if possible. Before putting my phone back in my pocket
and returning to the table not only do I set an early alarm so I in fact
wake up early but I also send one last text to Austin saying that I miss
him and that I can't wait to see him tomorrow. Although I am annoyed by the
information that Austin shared, it does not supersede the happy news that
my father announced in the end. I roll the sleeves of my flannel shirt
higher up my arms before returning to the dining room.

My fatigued eyes meet Shaun's bright brown eyes as I quickly sit down and
scoot my chair in closer to the table. Awkwardly, I pull the phone out of
my back pocket and return it to the warm nurturing embrace between my
legs. "There is some happy news to report. My father just announced that he
is getting married, so the day has not just been drama and unplanned
chaos." I lift my glass of wine and sip from it.

Shaun quickly reaches for his glass whilst I scratch at my leg again. "That
deserves a toast. I do like hearing happy news since the majority of my day
is spent listening to tales of woe. So well done and congratulations. To
the future and his happiness." He reaches across the table holding his
glass by its stem and I do the same. I notice Shaun staring at me again
like he is expecting me to speak. "Cheers!"

The glasses ching and I gulp a mouthful of wine. "With that in mind, I will
not bore you as to why I fought with my mate. It was really stupid stuff
and as you inferred, there is no point dwelling on tales of woe." I take
another sip of the wine and eat the last of the native bird that is on my
plate before continuing. "I do have a question for you if you don't mind
giving some free therapy to a poor student."

Shaun's eyes open wider and he rests his head on his hand and puts his
elbow on the table. "Go for it, I am intrigued." The lady with the big
smile returns to remove our plates and leaves menus in their place whilst I
wonder how to phrase my question. I look at the ceiling for a few seconds
and notice a crack in the plaster, which I follow to one of the ceiling
mounted lights. I find interest in this defect in the building as I start
talking whilst looking at the ceiling, instead of looking directly at
Shaun. "Why are some people aroused by distasteful things? When I say
distasteful, I mean things that the majority of society would consider
shocking. Like kiddie porn for example." My eyes move from the ceiling and
back to the menu before finding Shaun's gaze on me once again. He rubs his
big nose.

"You aren't interested in kiddie porn are you Chez?" Shaun's eyebrows
quickly scramble up his forehead and he scratches his chin before picking
up the menu and giving it a cursory glance. I am not sure if he is
uncomfortable in general about this topic or finds it wholly interesting. I
am sure he has heard other unsavoury things in the privacy of his office,
but I feel like I need to immediately answer his question and clarify what
I mean.

"No way!" I exclaim before continuing. "That is just an example of
something unsavoury, but that is more criminal if anything. Another example
is that some people find it arousing to get off in public places. Why is
that?" I move closer to the topic that I am interested in and quickly
realise that I am not going to outsmart Shaun, so I just blurt out my
question. "Let's cut to the chase, recently I have been aroused by imaging
getting off with a guy in a public restroom. Just a random hook-up if you
know what I mean. I never acted on this, but I came close a few times. What
makes me attracted to distasteful situations like this?" I set down the
menu and reach for the glass of wine and drink what is left in the
glass. This attracts the woman with the big smile and she quickly pours the
familiar dark purple Rusden Black Guts direct from the bottle. I reach for
the glass of water and take a drink of the essence of life whilst Shaun
ponders what I said all the time staring at me which makes me feel
uncomfortable.

"Are you two ready to order a main dish?" The chirpy service manager
inquires whilst I once again examine the crack on the white ceiling.

Shaun orders the duck breast with fermented blueberries and to make things
easy, I request the same dish when queried. My stomach has evolved from the
rumbling associated with hunger pains to a periodic sharp pain, which is
discouraging me from wanting to eat. When the service manager departs after
professing that we have made an excellent choice, Shaun picks up right
where the conversation previously left off. "How long is a piece of string,
Chez?" He chortles again which once again attracts the attention of the
couple that is sitting to my right who would have noticed that my eyes have
gone wide.

Confused, I look towards the woman with the big smile who is pouring wine
at the table next to us. "There isn't an answer to that question." I then
watch Shaun take the stem of his wine glass in his hand. "Well, um, there
are an infinite number of answers to that question actually."

"That is right. I could answer your question but it would require a far
deeper conversation and the explanation and interpretation of Alfred
Kinsey's theories. So you get aroused in the public toilets then? That is
interesting. This is the conversation that I like over a good meal. It
certainly beats the boring Australian political landscape and the crap
Melbourne weather." Shaun drinks the remaining wine in his glass as I feel
a brief pain subside in my stomach, which I take as a sign that I shouldn't
eat any more. The lady with the big smile sees Shaun with an empty glass
out of the corner of her eye and quickly floats over to not only refill it
but asks us if we would like another bottle of sparking water which I
enthusiastically answer in the affirmative to. Another member of the staff
joins his colleague at our table and quickly sets plates of duck and
blueberries in front of us.

I scratch my leg again and then quickly withdraw my hand from under the
table and put it in front of my mouth to cover a yawn which is desperately
trying to escape. When I am able to speak, I am happy to explain myself
with some renewed energy. "I don't think I am so much aroused, but more
intrigued. I guess we are all interested in the things that we have never
experienced before, whether they are perceived as being politically correct
or even unsavoury by popular opinion." I feel another sharp pain come and
go within the dark confines of my stomach.

Shaun notices my discomfort before picking up his glass of water and
sipping it. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I am fine. Just a stomach pain, but it passed." I decide to focus my
attention on the glass of water and decide not to drink any more wine after
losing my train of thought. I quickly drink all of the water in the glass
and just as quickly, it is refilled by another smiling and enthusiastic
member of the service staff.

As Shaun begins to talk about Alfred Kinsey and the reports on sex that he
wrote after World War Two, my thoughts drift and I find it hard to
concentrate on what he is saying even though the content is nothing more
complex than anything Mr Mackey had to say about Frank Kafka the other day
at school. Shaun's face oddly morphs into that of a fly, which continues to
speak whilst taking breaks to sip at the glass of wine whilst I find
comfort holding my glass of water and intently listening, but not really
understanding. When Shaun inserts the last morsel of the duck breast into
his mouth, he stops talking long enough to allow me to politely excuse
myself and I stagger back to the bathroom with my phone in my hand and lock
myself in the toilet stall. Sitting on the rim of the toilet and taking
long deep breaths gives me a brief window of clarity which makes me realise
that I am not so much drunk, but that the alcohol that I previously enjoyed
is having some sort of convoluted chemical reaction with the Oxycodone that
I not only stole from Shaun's bag but greedily took. Feeling lightheaded,
at first I try to unlock my phone using my fingerprint but fail after
multiple tries, which causes my phone to lock for predetermined amount of
time for security reasons. Annoyed and agitated, I start to watch the
countdown timer on the screen and then decide to purge everything that I
recently put in my body after gently placing my phone on concrete floor of
the bathroom. It takes a matter of seconds before my dry heaving evolves
into a chunky purple explosion that finds its way into the toilet. With
tears falling from my eyes and the return of the brief sharp pain in my
stomach, I quietly expel the remaining food and beverage in my gut, using
every amount of control not to get any of the mess on me. Briefly thinking
about how cold my own bathroom floor was after donating the excesses of one
of my previous nights at the alter of the porcelain god, I consider getting
into the foetal position and going to sleep but being aware of my less than
private and sanitary surroundings, I manage to get to my feet after
flushing the toilet. After leaving the cubicle with my phone, I return to
the familiar mirror and stare into my bloodshot green eyes and take more
deep breaths after cleaning out my dirty mouth with the water available
from the tap. I quickly blow my nose and wipe the tears from my face before
quickly taking notice of my appearance once again in the mirror.

I casually return to the table again and find myself sitting in my chair
and scooting it in like I am on auto-pilot. I make a conscious effort not
to let Shaun immediately see my bloodshot eyes by examining the uneaten
duck on the large white plate in front of me. "Sorry Shaun, I just don't
feel very well." I push the chair back once again and with a feeling of
self-preservation utter "I just have to go. Sorry." I pause before standing
up and once again notice Shaun staring at me as I dig the $200 in cash out
of my pocket and throw it on table before walking towards the entrance of
the restaurant.

Shaun stands up and quickly finds the lady with the toothy smile and they
begin their transaction which I assume involves settling the bill as I
watch Shaun pull a wallet out of his jacket pocket before I cross the
threshold and into the much needed crisp and cold evening air. The Sofitel
hotel valet quickly walks over to me. "Can you get me a cab mate?" I am
surprised that I can speak as thoughts only involve sleep and I feel lucid
as I stand in the same position and sway left to right and back to left as
the hotel valet blows his whistle. I once again try to unlock my phone but
can't and it presents me with a countdown timer and banishes me from using
my technology once again. Two hands place themselves on my shoulders from
behind just as I believe the swaying will overcome me and knock me over. "I
will get you home." A familiar voice that I recognise as Shaun's whispers
into my ear. "You will be okay." The yellow cab pulls up in front of us
after circling the roundabout in front of the hotel. Shaun opens the back
door and I fall in. Feeling numb, I do manage to slur one command before
falling asleep. "Eureka Tower in Southbank please."

Returning to consciousness, I first feel a cold hand on the back of my neck
and realise there are voices speaking. I then quickly realise that I am
still in the back seat of the taxi and quickly open the door and stumble
out of the bright yellow car with my phone in my hand. Some other words are
shared between a familiar voice and a man with an Indian accent as I hear a
car door slam as I prop myself against the side of a tree. The yellow
vehicle then speeds off and Shaun stands next to me and extends his arm,
which gives me the courage to extricate myself from my chains binding me to
the tree, only to be lead away from the street. I look up and find black
sky instead of high rise towers and then realise that Shaun is opening a
miniature wrought iron gate. The gate is too small to be the one that
controls the borders at my school and far too small to be of any use to
thwart thieves in the middle of the night, which adds to my overall state
of confusion. "Here let me help you." I follow Shaun's lead as I slide my
phone into the back pocket of my skinny jeans and focus on climbing two
steps towards the red front door of a terrace house which confuses me
further as he opens it with little effort. Every action seems to be complex
at the moment as I feel the sharp pain return and then subside in my
stomach.

Shaun leads me into the residence which I assume belongs to him and that is
when I first realise that I am not at my home in Southbank and am perplexed
as to why I did not see high rise towers only a minute or so ago. Each
steps feels like it takes a kilometre to travel as I am led down a hallway
where I hear my own footsteps fall onto the hard wooden floor briefly
before I am guided into a small room where I immediately notice a bed that
I happily fall backwards on to. "So itchy. So tired." I mutter. I close my
eyes.

A scratching sensation on my bare chest stirs me as I open my eyes and
watch Shaun's fingernails move all over my soft exposed skin as he has
unbuttoned my flannel shirt. "Does that feel good?" He starts to use his
other free hand and moves it over my naval and then my crotch.

Taking two long deep breaths gives me the ability to focus my eyes and
although what he is doing does feel good, I take my hand and try to push
him away. He easily grasps my arm and then moves my hand so it makes
contact with his crotch after he adjusts himself so he is effectively
positioned over me on his knees on top of the soft bed. After releasing my
hand which limply drops to my side, he unbuckles his belt as I take long
and deep breaths and decide what to do next but my thoughts escape me again
and I draw a blank. I watch him unzip his grey trousers and unfasten the
top button which holds the fabric together only to expose at first plaid
and dull coloured boxers, but after pulling them down far enough, pubic
hair and then a penis that is rapidly growing in size is on display for me
to see. My shock and general state of malaise causes my heart to beat
faster as I watch the engorged cock grow wider, longer and evolve to a
position where it is pointing towards the unremarkable white ceiling of the
room. I look for the crack on the ceiling but cannot find it this time. The
man with a face that has features like a fly takes my right arm by the
wrist again. "Hold that." My small hand at first gently grips an erect
penis and I become fascinated by it as I realise that the tip of my thumb
and index finger cannot touch each another as I attempt to grasp the
throbbing flesh fully. "I thought you would like that." Not understanding
what there is to like or why the fly is whispering, or what I should like
about the big penis, my hand slides off of it and returns back at my side
on my command. I stare at the mole on the base of one of the robust and
hairy testicles in front of me and for what seems like days think about how
nice it would be to have my second testicle back again and what it was like
before the doctor removed it at the hospital some time ago. The fly begins
to fiddle with my skinny jeans and momentarily after the zipper is pulled
down, I feel a rush of cold air against my thigh and then my flaccid cock
as the denim fabric is forcibly pulled down along with my boxer briefs
exposing my privates for the fly to inspect and fondle. I imagine myself
taking the form of the native bird that I ate earlier at the restaurant
after I shifted the flowers off of its privates for me to eat. It only
seems fair that the fly eats me and my privates now after moving the
scratchy and constraining fabric away. I take another deep breath and close
my eyes knowing that when I wake up this unsavoury dream will have ended.

The intense smell of sweaty socks and fruit jolts me awake as a small glass
bottle is removed from one of my nostrils. I experience a rush of blood to
my head as I tightly grab onto the fabric that I am lying face down on and
wince. A white-hot pain then sears my arsehole as my eyes first try to
focus on something besides the covering on the bed only a centimetre from
me. I make a futile attempt to roll off of my stomach and that is when I
once again feel the white hot pain erupt in the bowels of my lower body and
then the burning and stretching of my arsehole again. I let out of scream
of sheer and utter pain which results in panic and then I violently kick my
legs up repeatedly striking something as I tighten my anus with all of my
strength and expel the foreign invader from the inside of my body. The
extreme pain subsides quickly and the dead weight quickly rolls off of my
body. I hear some swear words being said before footsteps and a door
slamming shut. I push myself up and roll away only to find that when I
expelled the invader from my arse that some poop followed after blowing a
loud and long fart. This resulted in a horrible smell of the shitty
by-product that I left on the ugly quilt, which recalls me to life. Resting
on my side I again try to get my bearings and slither as far away from the
crap that I have left on the quilt and pull out a sheet that was previously
concealed on the bed and use it to wipe in and around my sore arse. It
takes a few attempts to clean myself up with the white sheet and that is
when I notice that I am also wiping blood from my butthole. I reach for
some tissues from the box next to a lamp near me and wad them up and put
them in between my arse cheeks before pulling up my skinny jeans and
falling into the bedside table and a lamp, knocking it over and on to the
ground. The horrible smell of shit in the confined musty bedroom begins to
make me feel nauseated as I stare at the shattered pieces of the glass lamp
on the floor. I wantonly stumble for the door and throw it open before
retracing my steps back outside and into the crisp and cold air. I hold on
to the small closed iron gate and in a moment of clarity know that it isn't
the gate that leads out of the school grounds, but away from something more
sinister. I figure out how to open it all the while thinking about the
symbol on the gate at school. A fleur-de-lys. It symbolises purity and I
assume that is why the symbol is not affixed on this gate as there is
nothing pure within the confines of the house that I just left. I focus on
my breathing and then wander to the uneven footpath that runs along the
street and pick a direction randomly and then follow it. I walk for a few
minutes before remembering that my phone is in my back pocket and after
retrieving it, I miraculously unlock it by swiping my fingerprint and
provide my sore body with a moment of relief as I rest my tired frame
against a tree. Continuing to breathe in deeply and expelling the tainted
breath from my abused body into the night sky takes on a noticeable rhythm
as the pain thumping within my innards mimics my quick pulse. I button my
shirt up after wondering why I unbuttoned it given it is so cold
tonight. The pain inside me keeps the sensation of spinning at bay as I
navigate to the Uber application on my phone and request a car. My location
on the map educates me that I am a few streets away from Jayden's house, so
after the Uber application notifies me that a car will collect me in a
measly two minutes, I call Jayden to tell him that the human fly raped me,
but he doesn't answer the phone. I count the seconds as both the pain in my
abdomen and the smell of sweaty socks distracts me from not only sleep but
from the confusing situation that I find myself in on the side of the road.

******

(A/N) Well, we are getting to the final part of this epic story. I hope you
are enjoying it... let me know your thoughts on chezdon1997@gmail.com