Disclaimer:
The following story
contains graphic sexual scenes between an older male and a young male. If
material of this nature offends you, then you should not read this story.
Additionally, if the law where you live forbids you to read such stories you
should not read this story.
This story is purely a work of fiction. Any
resemblance to persons living or dead, or to events that may have occurred, is
purely coincidental. Additionally, the actions of the characters in this story
are in no way intended to show approval of, or give sanction to, their
activities. The author claims all copyrights to this story and no duplication or
publication of this story is allowed, except by The Nifty Archive, without the
express written consent of the author.
This is my first story published on Nifty
Archives. I hope that you will enjoy it. If you like the story and want me
to post the next instalment, please email me at JamiePope@live.co.uk all emails will be replied to.
Jake Saves Me
Chapter Nine: The Week (Part 2 Jake's POV)
This wasn't working. I was losing my hard on. It felt sort of good but weird. Lauren was soft and smelt nice. I thought I really wanted to do this but it wasn't working.
I need to finish or she will know there's something wrong.
If everyone finds out...
I need to keep hard. I need to think of something to keep me hard.
Dan.
My Dan.
I heard a noise and looked up at the door. It was Dan. It was like I had summoned him here with my thoughts.
My Dan is here for me.
He can't see me like this.
Dan was running out of the room. I threw Lauren off me not caring what she thought. I pulled on my boxers and ran after him.
"Dan, come back. DAN I can explain!" I shouted as he drove off.
Oh god what have I done?
This kind man has done so much for me. This man that I love.
I walked back into the house in a bit of a daze. I could hear people in the living room laughing at me as I walked past. Not caring what they though I headed back upstairs.
"Was that your dad? Are you in trouble?" Lauren asked as I came back into the room.
"My dad's dead. You need to go." I said not looking at her.
I walked to the side of the bed and put on my jeans and t-shirt.
"Jake?" Lauren called as I turned and walked out.
I ignored her and walked back downstairs. I went into the living room and switched off the music.
"You all have to leave." I said turning the lights on.
"What's wrong with you man? The party is just getting started." One of the guys said. I think it was Adam's brother.
"GET THE FUCK OUT! ALL OF YOU." I shouted dragging him off the couch.
He was a lot bigger than I was but I didn't care. I couldn't care. I needed to fix this.
"Fucking nut case." He said as he gathered his draw from the table and put it into a small baggie.
He walked out of the house his mates following. There was a large group now standing around me just staring. I started gathering up glasses and bottles and taking them through to the kitchen.
Lauren walked to the kitchen now fully dressed. She stood in the doorway while I was putting bottles in the bin.
"Jake, what's happened? Who was that man?" Lauren asked.
I didn't answer her. I couldn't look at her. I just wanted her gone.
"Do you want me to help?" She asked.
"No just go. Take everyone with you." I said not looking up.
I walked out of the room towards the den. I started collecting more glasses and bottles. I could hear people leaving. Lauren was now talking to people telling them to go.
I took the bottles out to the kitchen. I headed upstairs and started tidying. I made the bed in Dan's room and took out all plates and glasses.
By the time I came back down the house was empty. I loaded all the glasses into the dishwasher and washed everything else by hand. I took out the rubbish bins and quickly ran the Hoover round the place.
Just as I was putting the Hoover away I heard a voice in the living room.
"Dude, what happened to the party?" An older guy said coming down the stairs with a girl.
I didn't know either of them although I recognised them as the couple that were in my room when I had gone upstairs.
"It's over. What you still doing here?" I said grimly.
"We were asleep. Got woken up by the Hoover."
I ignored them and went to the kitchen to unload the dishwasher. I put everything away then walked around the house with an air freshener. I looked around the house. It all looked normal again.
I went back to the living room. It was already three thirty in the morning. I sat on the couch waiting.
Dan will come back soon. He has to.
I sat on the couch hugging my knees just staring at the door. It was nearly six when I heard the door open and Dan came walking in.
I ran up to him and tried to hug him. He moved his body blocking the affectionate gesture. I flinched instinctively, not because I was scared he was going to hit me but because I had never had him act so coldly towards me.
What can I say to make it all right again?
"Dan I'm sor..." I started but he pushed past me and went to sit in the armchair.
I sat on the couch looking at Dan and thinking.
What can I say?
I need to think of something to say.
He is just so angry, I need to calm him down.
"Give me a cigarette." Dan said pulling me from my thoughts.
I got up and retrieved the pack from the drawer with a lighter and put in front of him. Dan lit one and started to smoke it with relish. I watched the angry look on his face as he smoked. I had never seen anything like that on him before.
Dan flicked some ash on the carpet, I was about to say I would get him an ashtray or something but his glare silenced me.
Dan was staring at me with a look of pure loathing. He continued to stare as the same thoughts went through my mind.
I need to fix this, but what can I say to make it right?
I can't lose him. I love him too much.
Dan stubbed his fag out on the coffee table.
I need to say something now.
"Dan, look I'm sorry." I said sitting forward and looking him in the eye trying to convey my sincerity.
"Sorry?" Dan said. His voice was quite but his tone carried all of the meaning.
"Your sorry? For what? For having a party while Lee's mother is dying? For breaking the trust I put in you? For betraying me?" Dan said his voice rising.
This isn't about Lee or his mother. He is saying this to make me feel worse.
Betraying him? He told me he didn't mind if I did things with other people. He gave me a condom, what was I supposed to do with it?
No I haven't betrayed him.
"Betraying?" I said sitting up suddenly, my voice raising.
Dan just glared at me. He knew I was right, but was just looking at me refusing to admit it.
"What are you upset about? I know it's not Lee's mother. Was it the party or was it just I was in bed with someone else?" I threw back I knew this would anger him but I was right.
"How Dare YOU." Dan spat back. "How fucking dare you... You...you little fucking shit."
I was starting to get angry as well. I knew I shouldn't be saying it but I couldn't help myself.
"Touched a nerve have I? No that can't be it. Otherwise you would have acted the same when you found out about me and Zack. No it was the fact it was a girl right?" I said my voice rising triumphantly.
"FUCK YOU JAKE! Fuck... YOU" Dan screamed.
He was starting to really get scary now. I could see his face was red and there was a vain pulsing on the side of his neck. I jumped back on the couch and grabbed my knees to my chest.
Suddenly Dan jumped up and picked up the coffee table. For a split second I thought he was going to throw it at me but he turned and threw it at the television.
With a deafening sound the television and table came crashing to the ground. Dan was standing there heaving like a man possessed.
I was truly scared now.
This is all my fault. I made him do that.
I deserve this.
"Dan..." I said quietly "Dan, I really am sorry."
What can I do to calm him down?
When my sisters throw a tantrum I give them something to quiet them down.
I had a sudden thought. I had bought Dan a present to give him when he came back from America, I could give it to him, then he would know that I truly loved him.
"I bought you a present." I said getting up and running upstairs.
I searched in my drawers and found the small box. I brought it downstairs to the living room. Dan was gone. I heard a tremendous crash coming from the kitchen and walked in to find out what was happening.
Dan was standing there heaving again with broken plates all over the kitchen floor.
As Dan looked round at me I didn't say a word, I just handed him the box.
Without giving it a second glance he threw it at the wall turned and walked out of the room. I followed him slowly thinking.
The more I thought about it the angrier I was getting.
I have done wrong but this isn't right. He shouldn't be acting like this. He is acting almost as bad as Darren. If he just hit me it would be easier, I know how to deal with that.
"What's wrong with you? Yes I know I have done wrong but why are you acting like this?" I shouted.
"Fuck you Jake." Dan said quietly looking at me out of the corners of his eyes.
I could feel the anger rising within me. I could feel the barriers closing.
"Fuck me? No fuck you Dan. You're the fucking nutter here." I replied.
"You ungrateful little fuck." Dan spat venomously.
This isn't going to work. I've broken it.
He doesn't want me anymore.
He doesn't love me anymore.
"If that's how you feel fine. I'll leave." I said quietly not looking at him.
"No you stay." Dan said with a sudden move.
I thought for a moment he was going to hit me and flinched instinctively. Dan walked past and headed towards the kitchen.
He started looking for something in the drawers then picked something out and walked out of the house without a backwards glance.
He wanted me to stay, that must mean he's coming back.
I sat back on the couch waiting. At some point I must have fallen asleep. When I woke it was already six in the evening. I looked around the house, Dan hadn't come back.
I have to go. He's waiting for me to leave before he comes back.
I got up and changed into some jeans and a t-shirt and left the house. I started walking aimlessly trying to decide where I should go.
Where can I go?
I had a sudden thought and started walking towards Zack's house. I had never been there before but I knew it wasn't that far.
It took me about twenty minutes to get there. When I knocked at the door Kate answered. She was surprised to see me there.
"Oh hello, is Dan with you?" Kate said friendly.
"No just me today."
"Come in, Zack is in his bedroom, I'll show you."
She walked me into the house. It was large and nice though no way near the size of Dan's house.
Zack was sitting on his bed with his laptop on his lap.
"Dude! You finally decided to come round! How was the party?" Zack said as Kate closed the door after us.
"Don't ask. Dan came home early and went mad."
"Really? What's he going to do ground you or something?"
"I don't know. I don't really want to talk about it."
We spent the rest of the evening just hanging out and watching TV. Zack knew better than to ask me about what had happened again. He knew that I was upset but he didn't push me into telling him what Dan had said.
In the evening Kate came back in and asked if I wanted to stay for dinner and the night.
"Yeah I would love to thanks." I replied.
"OK but we only have a blow up bed for you. I haven't got Cameron's room ready yet."
I thanked her again and we went down to dinner. Kate was a very good cook. After dinner we went back to Zack's room to set up the blow up and to watch some more TV.
We spent the night and most of the next day just hanging out in Zack's bedroom not doing much.
"Would you like to stay here again tonight or are you going home?" Kate asked after dinner.
"I'll stay here if that's ok?" I replied tucking into my treacle pudding.
"It's fine; I'll just give Dan a call and get him to bring your school things over."
"Um, no actually I will go home, I just remembered I need to do something tonight." I replied thinking quickly.
This was awkward. I knew I couldn't go home and if I said anything else Kate would get suspicious. I knew I had to go but I needed time to think.
"Oh alright then. Well if you need a lift home or anything just give me a shout." Kate said with a smile closing the door after her.
"Are you going to go back home?" Zack asked looking at me with trepidation.
"No I can't really."
"Just stay here. I'll tell mom if you like. She won't ask too many questions."
I thought for a moment. It was tempting but I really didn't want anyone to know and I knew that I would have to tell Zack and Kate something if I stayed.
"No, it's all right. I'll be ok." I said trying to raise a smile.
"Alright but where you going to go?" Zack asked obliviously not convinced.
I hadn't really thought that far ahead so I just said the first name that came to mind.
"Jason and Lee."
Zack seemed a bit more satisfied and left it at that. After a bit, I told him that I had better be going and said goodbye to him and Kate before leaving and walking around to Lee's house.
When I arrived it was Jason who answered the door. He was looking mournful but smiled when he saw me.
"Hi Jake, everything ok?" He asked looking me up and down.
"Yeah fine, do you mind if I come in for a bit?"
"Course." Jason said stepping out of the way and letting me in.
I followed him through to the living room. The house was quite big by normal standard but it was dark and cluttered as if an old granny lived here.
"Wanna drink?" Jas asked.
I smiled and nodded and he went to the kitchen and came back with two cans of diet coke.
"Sorry only got diet I am afraid." Jas said handing me a can.
I just smiled and took the can.
We sat and drank our drinks for another half hour sitting in silence. Jason kept looking over at me but I just sat staring into space, not really thinking just feeling a bit numb.
"Is Lee here?" I asked.
"Yeah he is in the bedroom; he is feeling a bit...Well... His mum died."
"Oh god, I'm so sorry. Should I say something to him?"
"No, he just wants to be left alone to mourn I suppose."
I just nodded and stared into space.
"It's getting really late." Jason said getting up to draw the curtains.
"Oh sorry I'll go." I said.
"No, that's alright. You can stay the night if you like."
"Oh... errr thanks."
"We only have the couch I'm afraid."
"That's great thanks."
"So are you going to tell me what up then?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"Jake, I know I am young but I wasn't born yesterday. I can tell there is something you need to talk about."
I just looked at him. I could feel hot tears at the corners of my eyes.
"Is it something to do with Dan? Did he call?"
Hearing his name was too much. The flood gates opened and the tears flowed freely now.
Slowly over the next hour I told Jason everything. What had happened with the party, Lauren and with Dan?
He sat and listened just nodding and watching me. After I finished we sat in silence for a bit.
"So you don't know where he went then?" Jason asked.
"No, I know he has a sister but I don't know anything about her and I don't know where else to try."
"Don't worry you just have to let him calm down and then apologise."
"Apologise for what though? And how? He wouldn't listen."
"Jake, you have to think this through. Try and see it from his point of view. I have been thinking something like this was going to happen for awhile now.
I know I don't really know Dan all that well but Lee has told me enough to know that this is all very new to him. As far as I know he has never been in a relationship with a guy before and I know that his last serious relationship ended badly.
What do you think of Dan as?"
"Wha...What do you mean?"
"I mean do you think of him as a `boyfriend' or as a `dad' or a `big brother' or just a friend?"
"Well I don't really know. I have never actually thought about it. I suppose I would think of him as a dad."
"But then you think it is ok to be having sex with your dad?"
"Well no that would be gross."
"Then who is he when you are sleeping together?"
"I don't know really."
"Do you love him?"
"Yeah totally."
"What kind of love?"
"hugh?"
"Well do you love him like a parent or do you love him differently?"
"No much more than just a parent."
"And if you came home and found him sleeping with someone else would you be hurt?"
"Yeah, but he said it was ok."
"But the heart and mind don't often think the same way. We would probably always let someone we loved have sex with someone else if it would make them happy but our hearts would be hurt to see something we love so much to be shared with someone else. Don't get me wrong some people can easily separate sex and love, just as Dan has done with the way that he doesn't mind you messing around with other guys."
"But I didn't even like doing it with Lauren! I was drunk and she kind of made me do it."
"Are you attracted to her?"
"No, she is cute I suppose but I don't really like her like that."
"Are there any girls you do like?"
"I'm not sure, I don't know! I don't want to be gay though."
"You don't have to choose a label. It really doesn't matter if you're gay or bi. But you do have to know there is nothing wrong with being gay."
"I know. It's just..."
"Just what?"
"You know what people say. I don't want to be you know, like a sissy or something."
"Yeah I do but being gay doesn't mean anything other than you are attracted to guys rather than girls. All that other stuff is just stuff that some people do. You don't see me or Lee mincing about or anything do you?"
"Yeah but your different."
"Not really there are loads of gay people that don't like being a queen."
"Suppose."
We sat in silence for bit.
"Yeah I think I am gay then." I said.
"It's not really about being gay or not. You don't have to choose. You should keep your options open. Love is love it doesn't matter if that person is a man or a woman."
"But I only love Dan and I've lost him now."
"I doubt you have lost him."
"But Lauren? You didn't see the look in his eyes."
"I think it was just a shock to him. I think the problem is that with Zack and any other guy out there he could always compete with them but if you decided you wanted a girl there would be nothing he could do or change for you. He is probably just scared that he is losing you."
"Yeah I suppose. I just want him back."
"I know. But before he comes back you really have to decide what you want from him. It is not really fair to him if you want him to look after you and give you the love of a lover if you are going to you know. You should either treat him like he is a parent or a boyfriend. If you want him as just a parent I am sure he would be happy or a lover but I think he has to know."
"Yeah."
"You know me and Lee had a similar problem."
"No really?"
"Yeah, I mean it wasn't as bad but when we first got together we used fight all the time. Lee was always trying to control me and tell me what to do like he was my dad."
"That's really bad; I never knew he was like that."
"Don't think badly of him. Lee has done a lot for me. He almost literally saved my life."
"Really? How come?"
"Well basically when I was living at home, I told my mum I was gay. She never spoke to me again. She did however think it was a good idea to tell my dad and he wasn't exactly a friend to the gays if you know what I mean."
"What did he do?"
"Oh you know the usual; he tried to beat the faggot out of me."
"Shit, I'm so sorry."
"Yeah he was quite bad actually. Mum didn't bother to try and stop him; I think she thought he had the right idea. Anyway Lee saw what was happening and kept trying to get me to move out. Honestly if he wasn't there for me I think it would have just... well he was there."
"So what happened with your parents? You moved out then?"
"Not until my dad almost beat me to death. One of his friends in the pub called me a queer and I think that was the last straw. Instead of defending me to his friend he blamed me for making him look bad. I ended up in hospital for a few weeks after he was done with me.
Lee was the one who went round there and gave him what for. He also took all my things out of there and told my parents that I wasn't living there anymore."
"So you ended up living with him?"
"Yeah and he wasn't exactly in a good a place either."
"What you mean like his flat?"
"Well that as well. We were sharing a single room, but no I meant that he was having his own problems."
"Like what?"
"Well. I'm not sure I should say."
"Oh right. Sorry."
"No I am sure he wouldn't mind you knowing. Basically his mum was almost as bad as my dad actually probably worse. She put him through years of torment."
"What she was hitting him?"
"No, abuse doesn't always have to be physical. When you hit someone the bruises will eventually fade and the wounds will heal. What she did to him was torment him with years of emotional abuse."
"Couldn't he just leave?"
"Well eventually he did get up the strength to leave but she had broken his spirit a long time ago. It all started when his dad left home. He had run off with his secretary, the classic cliché I know. Well anyway he just upped and left one day leaving his wife and son.
I think Lee was about five or six when it happened, but that is where it all started. His mother got bitter and felt that if she wasn't burdened with a young son to look after she could find another husband or even get her old one back.
For this she blamed Lee. Although he was only a child and had no real idea what was going on she constantly attacked him. She was always putting him down and faulting everything he did. She made him feel worthless and would never allow him to be happy. She seemed to get some cruel pleasure out of torturing him." Jason finished with a grim look on his face.
"So what happened? Did he just move out?"
"No not quite. He had met someone. When he was fourteen, he made friends with one of the older boys at his school. They weren't doing anything sexual or anything, they were just there for each other.
His mother had started to notice that he was generally happier and stepped up her tormenting, telling him he would never amount to anything and that she would watch as he died alone and miserable."
At this point I noticed that Jason had tears in his eyes. He had slid down off the couch and was sitting with his back leaning against it. I went over to him and put my arm around him.
Jason sniffed and gave me a half smile.
"Sorry, just thinking about how miserable she made him makes me upset. Well anyway, by this time his mother had found a new boy friend. She was torn between letting him be happy and keeping him out of the house so that she could be alone with her new lover.
She didn't like it but Lee did get out of the house more. He was spending more and more time with his new friend Ricky.
It all came to a head one evening when one of his mum's friends had seen them in the local park together. They were only holding hands but that was enough. She had run over to Lee's house to tell his mother. Lee said he didn't think she was being malicious, just thought it was something she could poke fun at her friend for.
Well when he got home his mother started to lay into him. At first it was only shouting and calling him names but when that didn't seem to be causing the desired pain she decided that she should get physical. She started to beat him with one of her boyfriend's belts.
At first he seemed to think that he deserved it and just let her hit him, but when she didn't relent and started trying to cause him as much harm as possible he tried to stop her.
He was just stopping her from hitting him but then she broke away and got a knife from the kitchen. She told him that she was going to cut up his face so nobody would ever want to look at him again.
At this point he just snapped. He started to grapple with her trying to take the knife from her. He was stronger than her by this point and was overwhelming her when her boyfriend came in and dragged him off her.
She shouted that he was a dirty queer and was trying to kill her and that he should protect her. He then started beating Lee with a fury.
At some point Lee managed to break away and ran for the door. He was pretty badly beaten but managed to get away ok."
"Shit, I never knew." I said watching Jas in disbelief.
Jason just nodded tear flowing freely now.
"He spent some time on the streets, somewhere in central London. He was managing to feed himself by men paying him to do things to him.
After awhile he met up with an older lady, she was in her forties I think. She felt sorry for him and started to look out for him. She had been on the streets for a long time and kept Lee safe.
Eventually she managed to find out about a group of people that could help Lee. They mainly dealt with runaway kids trying to convince them to go back home, but with Lee they found him a half way house and got him back into school.
After awhile he started looking for the women that had helped him on the streets so he could help her in return. Unfortunately he found out that she had died of a heroine overdose shortly after he had left. This really shook him. The first women in his life to show him any kind of love and compassion was gone.
When he left school he managed to hold down a job not far from here and was doing ok with himself. He tried to find out what had happened to Ricky but that was another sad story.
His mum's boyfriend had found him and beaten him until he was almost dead. His parents had got the police involved and he was eventually sent to prison for ABH. Ricky ended up blind in one eye and paralysed below the waist. After the trial he moved with his parents and no one knew where."
"Is that when he met you?"
"Well yeah, we had just started to become friends. But his mother hadn't finished with him yet.
She found out that he was back in the area and contacted him. She told him that she had developed cancer and that he had to look after her.
I told him to forget her, that she made her bed and that if she wanted him to look after her she should have looked after him, but alas he didn't listen.
He still loves her you see. After all the horrible things she did to him, he can't stop loving her.
It was the first time we had a fight. He told me I didn't understand and that I was just a kid."
Jason was gently crying now. I felt so sorry for him. I pulled him towards me and hugged him tight. I could feel Jason pulling towards me as we sat in silence and hugged, comforted in the warmth of our beings.
After a few minutes Jason pulled away and wiped his eyes.
"I'm being silly, it's all in the past now. She's dead and can't hurt him anymore."
"Is Lee ok?"
"Yeah I suppose, well I don't really know. He won't let me in. He has been shut up in the bedroom since she died and won't talk to me about it."
"He'll come round."
"Yeah but you know what really pisses me off?" Jason said suddenly becoming angry. "Even after everything she did, it's not the cheek of the women for asking him to look after her; it's that she hadn't even changed!"
Seeing my quizzical look Jason continued. "All the time she was ill and he gave up so much to come and help her and even moved out of the flat he and I were sharing she was still giving him abuse."
"Except now she had even more ammo. The son that deserted her had shacked up with an underage boy." Jason said his voice rising in anger.
"I'm sorry; I don't know what to say." I said a bit wary.
"You have nothing to be sorry for. It's not your fault. I'm just glad that she is finally dead."
I looked at Jason with a shocked expression on my face. I knew why he would think that, but I never thought Jas, who seems to love everyone and wouldn't hurt a soul would say something like that out loud.
Jason caught my look and I could see his eyes suddenly melt.
"No, I didn't mean that. I would never wish death on someone no matter how evil they were, and especially not the mother of someone I love so much.
If only there was a way I could make it all not hurt for him."
Jason was starting to cry again. I hugged him close to me and could feel his chest heaving. We sat hugging tight for a long time just rocking back and forth.
"Thanks I needed to let some of my feelings out." Jason said.
He pulled his face away from mine and just looked into my eyes. I stared back into his perfect deep blue eyes. The wetness and slight red only made them look better. The moment was perfect.
I stroked off one of the tears running down his check and looked at it as it hung like a perfect diamond on the end of my finger.
Jason leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. I was a bit shocked but it was perfect. It was nice to feel wanted.
I turned my face and kissed him on the lips. Then I leaned in again and kissed him on the lips again. This time I slightly parted my lips and let my tongue venture forth.
Jason suddenly pushed me back and opened his eyes.
"No, Jake I can't. Sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I love Lee and we are in a committed relationship."
"Ehh, sorry." I said hastily sitting up and getting back on the couch.
"No, it's ok, it was my fault, but I know that we are both venerable at the moment and I don't want it to lead to anything that could harm my relationship with Lee."
"Yeah I know. You love Lee like I love Dan."
"Do you know what you are going to do yet?"
"Well I love him and I need to get him back. I just don't know how to."
"Just let him cool off for a bit and he will come round. I think he was just in shock. I'm sure Lee wouldn't mind you staying here for a bit."
"No that's ok. I'm going to go home tomorrow."
"Ok, well I suppose I better let you get some sleep." Jason said getting up and patting me on the shoulder.
I smiled back at him and sat back on the couch. Jas left the room and returned a few minutes later with a bundle of blankets and pillows.
"I let Lee know you are staying. He said you can stay as long as you like."
"Oh ok thanks."
Jason gave me the blankets and pillows and I arranged them on the couch. I laid back down and smiled up at Jas.
"Night. See you in the morning." Jason said turning out the lights and closing the door."
I lay in the darkness thinking about what Jas had said.
I need to calm Dan down, but how?
Waiting won't work.
I've broken his heart.
I kissed Jason. I shouldn't have done that. What if he tells Dan?
I laid in the darkness the thoughts swimming around my brain.
When I could see the sun poking through the gap in the curtains I had made up my mind.
I have been causing Dan too much pain. I have to go and get out of his life. I will miss him but I need him to be able to get on with his life.
I slowly got up and folded the blankets on the couch and crept from the room. I walked through to the hallway and walked out of the front door carefully closing it behind me so it would not make a noise.
The morning air was cold and sharp on my skin. I slowly walked through the park towards Dan's house. The grass was wet with dew and was glistening in the bright sun.
When I got to the house I let myself in; everything was exactly as I had left it. I walked up to my bedroom and looked in the cupboards. After a few minutes I found what I was looking for; Dan had wanted me to throw away my old clothes that I had before I knew him but Lee had washed them and put them in the cupboard in case I needed old clothes.
I stripped out of my clothes and put on my old clothes. I took off the watch he had gotten for me and placed it on the bed with my wallet and phone. I then found my old backpack and was just walking out of the room to find my blanket when my phone rang.
Dan! He's called.
"Hello?" I asked enthusiastically as I answered the phone.
"Hey, where did you get to this morning?" Jason asked.
"Oh, I went home." I said disappointed.
"Oh ok, is Dan there?"
"No."
"Oh right, well take care. If you need anything or you want to come and stay for a while you know where I am."
"Ok thanks. I have to go speak to you later."
"Bye then."
I hung up the phone and switched it off placing it back on the bed.
I walked out of the room and went to the laundry room where I found my blanket packed it into my bag then walked through to the entrance hall. I put my keys on the end table then left the house. I turned then took a final look at the house; I felt one hot tear roll down my cheek.
Where can I go?
I can't go back to my family and let them know that I have fucked up the only good thing that has ever happened in my life.
I walked aimlessly for awhile. After awhile I found myself in the kid's park. I don't know what time it was because I didn't have a watch but I think it was still early. I knew it must have been after nine though because there wasn't any school kids about. I went into the small play park and sat on the swings for a bit.
It's better like this. Dan will be better off without me in his life.
At some point a couple of mothers came into the park with their young children, I didn't notice them at first. The mums were pushing their kids on the baby swings. I watched as the adults chatted and the kids laughed and gigged and they were pushed.
I wonder if mum ever did that for me?
I could feel my eyes stinging and looked away. I had never felt more alone then I did now.
Suddenly something from English class came back to me. "To have loved and lost is better than to have never to have loved at all."
No. That's not right. If you had never loved you wouldn't know how good it could feel and how hard it is to know that you have lost that love.
After awhile the women started to get ready to leave. They were putting the children in prams when the younger looking one looked at me and smiled. She turned to her friend and said something. She then turned and headed towards me.
"Hey, you ok?" She asked smiling and leaning on the side of the swing.
"Yeah thanks." I said looking into her deep green eyes.
"You look a bit upset, do you need to talk?"
I didn't reply but could feel my eyes stinging again.
"No school today?" She asked friendlily.
"No, teacher training day." I said the lie coming easily to my lips.
"Oh ok then. Well if you would like a cup of tea or something me and my friend Zoe are going to be in the little pavilion for a bit. It has a nice little tea shop there. My name is Lucy by the way."
"Oh thanks, I better be getting home." I said getting up.
"Ok well if you change your mind you know where we are." She said then walked back to her friend and left the play park towards the small pavilion.
I thought I had better leave the play park otherwise they would notice so I walked over to the entrance and walked out. I walked around the large park for awhile. When I passed the pavilion I could see the two women sitting at a table talking animatedly. I paused and thought about going in; I thought better of it and walked away towards the woods.
I found myself in a secluded clearing in the woods and laid down. I was starting to feel tired. My eyes were stinging again and started to feel heavy. I fell asleep with the image of Dan's smiling face in my mind.
I woke with a shiver and looked around disorientated. When I realised where I was I got up and walked through the woods back to the park. In the trees it was quite dark. When I got out into the main park I could see that the sun was starting to set. The park wasn't busy but I could see some kids leaving waving goodbye to their friends.
I needed to take a piss, normally I would have just pissed in the park but since I had been living with Dan, that just felt wrong so I walked over to the pavilion which had an old toilet block attached.
I went in and could smell the faint odour of stale piss. The urinal was one of those old trough ones with just an old man standing at one end. I walked up to it and fished my dick out of my pants.
I started to piss, after a few seconds I noticed that I couldn't hear the man pissing. I looked round and could see that he was staring at me. I looked at his dick and it was hard, and his hand was slowly moving up and down the shaft.
He smiled at me and I just looked away. I finished pissing and started to shake off.
"You have a nice one." The man said in a raspy voice.
"Fuck off perve." I said not looking at him.
I put my dick away and walked out of the toilets without stopping to wash my hands.
I walked out of the park and wondered aimlessly down the streets. It was starting to really get dark now. I don't know what time it was but it must have been getting close to nine or ten.
I walked down a side road then onto the main road. Just then a police car stopped next to me. One of the officers got out and looked at me.
Shit! Shit! Shit! This is all I need.
"Hello young man, bit late to be out on your own isn't it?" The policemen said in a deep voice.
"I'm fifteen, I'm old enough to look after myself." I said irritated.
"Still there are some undesirable people around. Where are you heading?"
"Home."
"And where is that?"
"15 Privet Avenue."
"Nice neighbourhood. Well don't hang about go straight home ok?" The officer said looking at my slightly too small ragged clothes dubiously.
"OK."
I walked away in the direction of Dan's house until the police had stopped looking and doubled back. I needed to think of somewhere to go, the cops where right, I couldn't just hang around the streets all night. If they saw me again they would want to take me home. I need to go somewhere where I couldn't be seen and where I could wrap up a bit as it was starting to get cold.
I thought for a moment and realised that I could just go back to the stopping centre. It wasn't far and it would be fitting for me to be back there.
I walked slowly to the shopping centre and found my little ally. I took my blanket out of my bag and huddled up against the wall.
Every little sound was making me twitch and the shadows on the walls were freaking me out so I put my fingers in my ears and closed my eyes trying to ignore the world around me.
At some point I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I was being kicked awake by someone.
I looked up and saw a mean looking security guard.
"Oi, wake up and clear off. You can't stay here the centre is about to open."
"Uh? What time is it?" I said grabbing my blanket and stuffing it into my bag.
"Half nine, and make sure you don't come back."
I walked away from the centre and back towards the park. I knew I had to hide, if the police saw me they would know I was supposed to be in school. When I got to the park I headed for the woods and the secluded clearing.
After awhile I realised that I was really hungry. I kept telling myself that I had lasted longer than this without food but I couldn't stop it hurting.
When my stomach wouldn't stop growling I didn't think I could stand it any longer and walked out of the woods. I thought if those women were back in the park I would get them to buy me a sandwich or something.
I walked up to the play park but it was empty. I walked over to the pavilion and looked into the tea shop but they weren't there.
I hung about for an hour but they didn't turn up. I was starting to get some quizzical looks so I walked round to the other side of the pavilion and found a small stone water fountain. It had a bit of graffiti on it but I was thirsty so drank some water.
I felt my belly filling and realised that I wasn't as hungry anymore. I gulped down some more then went to sit on the bench and watch the tea shop to see if the women would come. After half an hour or so, I could feel the pain in my stomach start again so I walked over to the fountain again and drank some more.
Sat back down on the bench and watched the people coming and going. After a while I realised that if they were coming that they would be her soon. I stood up to go back to the woods and realised that I needed to piss desperately. I ran over to the toilet block and ran to the urinal and pulled out my dick before I could have an accident.
Just as I felt the first splash back I realised that I was not alone.
The man from the previous day had just come in after me and was standing close next to me, dick in had watching me piss.
"Wow, looks like you really needed to piss."
"Yeah." I said not looking at him.
"You have a very big dick for your size."
I didn't say anything. If I had finished pissing I would have just run out of there but I had never got the hang of being able to stop mid flow.
"Can I touch it?"
"No!" I said looking at him with disgust.
"I'll pay you."
I didn't say anything for a moment. It was only letting him touch it, nothing else.
He took my silence for agreement and moved closer with a hungry look in his eyes.
"How much?" I asked. I had stopped pissing by now.
"£5." He replied quickly.
"£20" I said.
"I would need more than a touch for that and frankly I think you could do with the money more than I need you." He said looking me up and down.
"What do you want to do?"
"Let me suck it."
I just nodded feeling dirty.
"Come into the cubical with me." He said walking to the cubical and sitting down on the toilet.
"Lock the door." He said as I walked in.
I turned and locked the door. When I turned back he had pulled his trousers and pants to his knees, his small ugly dick sticking straight up.
His hands greedily grabbed at the button on my jeans and lowered the fly. I couldn't watch this; I could feel my eyes stinging again. I stared at the ceiling trying to blink back the tears as he slowly pulled down my jeans and boxers.
I could feel his hot wet mouth engulf my dick. It was sickening. I felt dirty and disgusted with myself.
"Can't you get it up? Boy of your age should be hard all the time." He said.
I looked down at his bald patch on the top of his head and wanted to hit him. I knew that he wouldn't give me the money if I didn't do what he wanted so I needed to think.
I tried to think of the last time that Dan had sucked me. It didn't feel the same, this guy didn't care what I was feeling and I could tell. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine Dan with all my heart.
"That's better. Umm you taste lovely and you have a lovely big dick."
It wasn't working. He was talking and ruining my thoughts of Dan. I could feel myself going soft again and I couldn't stop it. He wasn't going to pay me and I had lost Dan, I had completely fucked up my life. I started to cry and could feel the tears running down my face.
"What's wrong? You're really not into this are you?"
He let go of my dick and sat up. He stood up and pulled up his trousers. He fished in his pocket for a moment then handed me a £10 note and walked out of the stall leaving me standing there with my cheeks stained with tears and my jeans around my ankles.
I don't know how long I stood there like that the money in my hand tears flowing freely. I heard the door to the toilet open and quickly pulled up my boxers and jeans and wiped my eyes.
I stuffed the money into my pocket then quickly walked out of the toilet and as far from the pavilion as I could. I ended up back in the woods, in my safe clearing. I sat on a fallen log and pulled the money from my pocket.
I sat staring at it. I wanted to just rip it up and run from here for what it had taken to get it, but I knew this represented a meal another day of survival.
I pushed the money back into my pocket and slumped onto the floor. I rested my head on my bag and curled up like a baby.
This is what my life has come to.
I started to cry again. I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically. I fell asleep in that same position under an old oak tree with only the trees as friendly company.
I was awoken by the sound of the birds singing above me. I must still have been early as there was dew on the grass and the sun was still low in the sky. I was surprised to find that I was still curled up like a baby and that I had my thumb in my mouth.
I needed to piss but I didn't want to go back to that toilet block again. I pissed up against the friendly oak tree; I could see steam rising from my piss. It brought a small smile to my face. It had been so long since I last smiled my face felt strange doing it.
I zipped back up and turned back to my make shift bed. My stomach groaned and gave a painful spasm. I sat back on the soft grass and thought where I could go and get some food. The tea shop wouldn't be open until mid morning and I didn't want to risk seeing that man again. It was still early enough that I could go to a café and not look too suspicious. I gathered up my things and walked out of the park. I purposefully walked out of the back entrance so that I didn't have to walk past the pavilion again.
When I got to the café on the main road I could see that it was full of people. There were workmen having their normal breakfasts and older school kids getting a sandwich on the way to school.
I gingerly walked in and started to queue up. I looked at the menu and thought about what I would like to have. I wanted to have a full breakfast but I knew that I had to make this money last. When the lady irritably asked me what I wanted I told her that I wanted a bacon roll and a tea.
She looked me up and down then said "That would be to take away then?"
I just nodded.
"That's £4.50 please."
I handed here the money and she handed back my change. I put it in my pocket then stood against the wall waiting for my food. She handed me the roll and tea and told me where the ketchup and sugar was. I loaded up the tea with lots of sugar and put ketchup in the roll.
I walked out of the café and back towards the park. On the way there I picked up a discarded paper and headed back to my hiding place in the clearing.
I sat on the log and eat the roll with relish. The first bite almost got stuck in my throat and I had to wash it down the scalding hot sweet tea.
After I finished my satisfying breakfast I laid on the grass using my bag as a pillow and read the paper. There was nothing much of interest in it, most of it was about miserable things that had happened and slimy Politian's new bullshit.
After awhile I became bored and amused myself by staring at the clouds over head. When I noticed that it was starting to get dark I took out my blanket and curled up under it. My belly was grumbling again and I needed to get something to eat. I tried to ignore it in vain and spent most of the night awake.
Every time I did manage to get to sleep I kept waking up because I was hungry.
I woke up late the next day or at least I thought I must have been late. It was still dark but the sky was full of angry black clouds and the sound of thunder had woken me.
I quickly wrapped up my blanket into a bundle and shoved it into my bag. I then walked into the woods where the trees were thickest and sat under a big tree.
The rain was coming down hard and fast now and the trees were not much help. I could feel my clothes soaking through and I started to shiver.
I stayed under that tree until the rain had stopped by which time it was almost pitch black out. I didn't want to sleep in the clearing again because I knew it would be wet still and I couldn't think where else to go.
I wondered towards the streets and found a block of shops. I went behind them and found a dark ally. There was rubbish strewn everywhere and it smelt like old piss but at least it was dry.
I took out my blanket which had gotten wet through my cloth bag and wrapped myself tightly in it.
I slept on and off waking every few minutes either because of a noise or because my stomach was rumbling again.
When the sun had started to come up I walked back to the park and into the clearing. The grass was still damp but the sun was getting warmer and was starting to dry it.
I sat on the old log and basked in the sun of trying to keep my mind off of food.
If I can manage to go until tomorrow without food I can make my next meal last the weekend.
When the sun was highest in the sky I couldn't hold off anymore. I knew I needed something or I was going to pass out. I walked over to the water fountain and had some water. I thought that I would take a walk to the shops to get some crisps. I thought if I walked to the shops in the town centre I could keep my mind off food that much longer.
Just as I was entering the town centre I walked past a McDonalds. I paused and thought about the times me and Dan had gone to McD's. As I stood there the intoxicating aromas entered my body, almost filling me up. Almost.
I made a snap decision and went in. When I got to the counter a young guy asked me what I wanted, I couldn't hold back. I ordered a large meal and a milkshake.
It cost me almost all of my money. I took it back to a table and devoured the meal in seconds. I sat back and rubbed my aching belly.
I shouldn't have done that. I should have made it last.
I finished my milkshake and went to the toilet before leaving. I knew I was hanging about but it was so warm and the smell of food so good I didn't want to leave.
When the manager started to look at me I took my tray to a bin, emptied it then left. I was feeling a lot warmer and more comforted now and wanted to take a slow walk back to the park but I knew that there would be police about looking for truants.
When I had got back to my clearing I laid out my blanket on the grass and laid down looking up at the sky again. The day was glorious, the sky was blue and the sun was warm.
I took of my t-shirt and jumper and laid them over the log. I laid back down with my arms under my head and closed my eyes.
I was dreaming of being back with Dan. The party had never happened. He had come back from his trip with armfuls of presents and was hugging me tight to him.
I woke with a shiver as a cold breeze brushed my naked chest. I got up put on my now totally dry t-shirt and jumper and got under the blanket.
I spent the whole of the next day in the clearing, only venturing out for a drink of water and to scavenge a newspaper.
I went to sleep late that night trying once again to beat off the hunger pangs.
When I woke the next morning I knew I needed food and knew what I needed to do to get it. It was as if my mind had made itself up while I slept.
I packed my blanket threw my bag over my shoulders and headed towards the pavilion. It was still early so I had a drink of water and went to the toilet block to see if he was there.
He wasn't so I had a piss and went back out and waited on the bench. It felt like ages had gone by but my stomach was hurting and I kept my eyes on the toilet door.
"You ok Jake?"
The sudden voice startled me. I looked round and Jason was sitting on the bench next to me. He gave me a warm smile and hugged my shoulders to his chest and held me tight.
I could feel his arms trembling on my shoulders, or was that me? It was me. I was shaking from head to toe and I could feel the hot tears leaking from my eyes.
"Come on; let me get you a sandwich." He said and pulled me up.
We walked into the pavilion tea shop and he bought some sandwiches, drinks and crisps and we sat on the picnic table outside.
I started to eat my sandwich while he sat watching me.
When I had finished it I downed the orange juice he had bought me and wiped my mouth. I opened the crisps packet when a sudden thought struck me.
"How did you know where to find me?" I asked.
"Oh, well when I realised you were missing I asked Lee where I should look."
I gave him a quizzical look. How could Lee have known?
"Jake, I know what you were doing waiting on that bench."
He knew. Everyone would know. Everyone will know just how disgusting I really am.
I burst into tears. There was no stopping them. I cried as if this had been my last meal.
"Jake it's ok. People do things they are not proud of when they are desperate. Don't worry I won't tell anyone."
After a pause he continued.
"Jake look, I'm really sorry. I knew when you came around the other day that you were in a state and I was just so rapped up in my own problems I wasn't there for you like I should have been.
I know we shouldn't have kissed but I shouldn't have pushed you away from me like that. I put you in a position where you felt it was better to be out here rather than safe with us."
"No, don't worry. It's not your fault. I'm the one who fucked everything up."
"You haven't fucked anything up."
"Yeah I have, I fucked up our friendship and my relationship with Dan."
"Jake, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm still here. And Dan has been looking for you."
This perked me up at once.
"He has?"
"Yep. He called me this morning in a bit of a state. He is at home and that is how I knew you weren't there."
"He wants me back?"
"Yeah it certainly sounded like that."
"Are you sure?"
"Well there is only one way to truly know. Come on, let's go and see him."
"I dunno. No I can't. He might... I just... Well... No... I really can't..."
To be continued...
Notes from the Author:
Thanks to all the guys who have emailed me and let me know that they are enjoying the story. Sorry I haven't had time to reply to your emails. I am reading them and they really help. I will try and reply to all email when I have a bit more time.
Sorry again for taking such a long time to get these chapters written. I am trying to get them done as quickly as possible!
And again thanks for reading!!!!