Here we are again. Thanks for choosing to join me again. A few days ago, I was talking to one of my readers online. He was telling me of his situation having a 14 year old boy in his charge. He's not related to the boy by blood, but in his heart. I would like to dedicate this story to him.
This story, unlike my others does not have much in the way of sexual contact. It is about the struggle that is waged every day by young adolescents trying to come to grips with their own feelings, their sexuality. My advice to those boys is to go with your heart. Don't feel rushed into doing anything you are not totally comfortable with. I wish all of you the very best.
You may reach me via email at mailto://email@example.com
You may also want to check out my Yahoo group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/boystory
I hope you enjoy, "Jake"
Hey. I'm Jake and I'm 14. A few years ago, like when I was 9, my parents told me that they could not afford to take care of me. It hurt me when they said that. I cried and told them that I wouldn't eat much, just don't send me away. Feeling rejected really sucks.
They told me that I would be living with their friend. He didn't live very far away and we would be able to see each other all the time. It's just that Rick would be better able to care for me. I knew Rick, and I liked him, I guess. I do know that he's pretty rich, compared to us. I guess I didn't have much choice anyway.
I moved in with Rick. He was really cool. He and I quickly became real good friends. We would wrestle, play games, watch movies, and just generally goof around. It wasn't like I was living with an adult, more like another friend who just happened to be older than me.
Rick used to buy me presents. At first I was really glad to get them, but they started getting more and more expensive. I didn't know how to tell him that he didn't have to, so I just accepted them.
I know what you're thinking. No, he never tried to do anything to me. Even though after I got a little older I kind of wanted him to. We lived our lives and I grew up. Well, ok, I got older. As I got older, I started having these feelings. Feelings like in my stomach. Like it ached. But it only happened when I saw a boy. You know, like another kid. In school, on the basketball court, anywhere.
It was weird. Like I wanted to get to know them. Know them really well. I was kind of afraid of these feelings, and really wanted to ask Rick about them. But I was afraid of telling him because, well, he might think it was gay or something. I was so confused.
One day, I guess I was 12 or something, I was talking with this boy I met at the park. We started to walk around the park and without realizing what I was doing, I took his hand in mine. He looked over at me and I almost ran away. I tried to pull my hand back, but he held on to it. We walked a little bit more, holding hands, when he stopped and looked at me. He asked me if I liked holding his hand. I didn't know what to say. I mean, if I told him yes, he'd think I was gay. If I told him no, he'd ask why did I take his hand to begin with. I was confused again.
I guess he could sense my confusion because he just bent his head toward mine and kissed me. It felt wonderful to me. I wanted to kiss him more and more. He looked at me and asked me if I had liked him kissing me. I took a chance. I told him I did. His smile could have lit up the entire town.
He asked me if I had been having these feelings like I wanted to be closer to other boys. I told him that I had. He asked me if I was gay. He actually said the word. I told him that I didn't know but I enjoyed holding his hand and I really enjoyed him kissing me. He smiled and told me that in a year or two I'd be able to figure it out. He kissed me again and then told me that he had to go home. He turned and left.
I was in a daze. Minutes later, I realized I had never even asked him his name. I went back to the park every day for a month but never ran across him again. I had been thinking about these feelings. I had been thinking about how I felt when he kissed me. Slowly, the confusion over these feelings began to life. I had to accept the fact. I was gay.
I never did anything with another boy. Even now, I really want to, but I'm now struggling with something else. Something more confusing.
Rick and I are really good friends. I love being with him. I love hugging him. I love just about everything about him. But I know that I can't do anything with him. If I told him I was gay, I don't know, maybe he'd get mad. Maybe he'd say he doesn't want me living with him anymore. But the worst thing could happen too. He could hate me.
It's now the present. As I said, I'm 14, well I'll actually be 15 in a few months. I came home from school, and Rick was not home. This was strange because he was always home when I got home from school. I went into the kitchen and there was a note. The note said that he would be gone until about 8:00pm and that I should go get some money and order myself a pizza or something for dinner and he'd see me when he got home. The note also said that he loved me.
He loved me? He never said that before. I wondered why, all of a sudden, he would tell me he loved me. I just shrugged it off and went into his bedroom to get some money. I knew he kept a small amount of cash in his drawer so I opened it and dug onto the bottom where he kept it. What I found really shocked me. Under his clothes in the drawer, I found the money, but I also found a couple magazines. Porn magazines.
I put the magazines back in the drawer and ordered my pizza. After it arrived I started eating but couldn't get my mind off those magazines. Then it hit me. The porn magazines. They were pictures of guys. All guys. I thought to myself, `Could it be? Could Rick be gay too?'
I was now more confused than ever. Rick came home, but I didn't say anything. We talked about our day for a little while, and then I decided to go to bed. As I lie in bed, the thoughts just kept going around and around in my head. I just could not bring myself to believe that Rick was gay. I thought some more and then came to a decision. I would talk to Rick and ask him straight out.
The next morning was Saturday. I awoke at my usual time, which was 8:30am. I went into the kitchen wearing only my boxer briefs. I usually did this so it was nothing abnormal. Rick was sitting on a chair at the table drinking a cup of coffee. I went to the fridge and took out the OJ and poured myself a glass and went to the table to sit with Rick.
I looked at Rick and asked him if we could have a talk. I told him that something had been bothering me and I needed to talk it out. He said, "Sure Jake, what's on your mind, buddy?"
I told him I didn't know how to ask this so I guessed it would be best to just ask it straight out. I asked him, "Rick, are you gay?"
He looked me straight in the eye and said, "Jake, I have never lied to you. I will never lie to you. You asked me if I was gay and the answer is yes. That's where I was last night. I had a date."
I looked at him and before he could say anything else I jumped up and gave him a hug. I told him that he had just made me the happiest boy on the planet. He looked at me sort of puzzled and I told him. I actually got the nerve to tell him. I told him I was gay too.
He looked at me and got all serious like. He asked me if I had been having sex with anyone and I told him that the only person I had been having sex with was my right hand. He laughed at this and told me that he kind of expected that, but he was relieved to know that I wasn't being active with any other boys.
I looked at him and tried to express with my face exactly how I felt about him. I wanted him to know without me telling him that I loved him. The silence in the room was deafening.
He asked me if there were any guys I liked and I told him there was this one guy. But I knew I could never in a million years get closer to him. He told me that there was no reason in the world why I couldn't be as close to anyone at all if I played my cards right. He had given me my opening.
I asked him what if the guy I like is older than me. His reply was that if I loved someone, and they loved me, age was a minor concern. Sure, if he's an adult there are some problems, but in his opinion, those could be easily avoided by being discreet.
Inside I was beaming. Had he just told me that I could possibly be with him, in that way, and he'd be okay with it? I decided to press him further. I told him, in a quiet, shaky voice, "What if the guy I think I am in love with and want to be with, you know, sexually, is you.
He froze. For a full minute he didn't, or maybe couldn't, say anything. I looked deeply into his eyes and noticed a tear beginning to drip down his left cheek. He finally spoke. He said that he would be proud to be loved and to love me. I jumped into his lap, wrapped my arms around his neck, and gave him a kiss. During the kiss, I pushed my tongue into his mouth and we tongue danced for a while. He asked me to get off his lap and to sit. We needed to talk.
He told me that he loved me and always had. As I was growing into a very handsome young man, it became more and more difficult not to "touch" me. He had been suspicious of the fact that I may be gay, but didn't want to intrude into my privacy. Hearing him tell me all this made me love him even more.
It's been a month since that morning in the kitchen. Rick and I still haven't done anything major together. We've jacked off together, and I've even jacked him off once. I really want to do more, but we talked about it and agreed that we would let that part of our relationship grow slowly. I'm happy just to be with him. We do sleep in the same bed now, but he has never done anything to me, other than caress my body and kiss me.
Tonight, I think I'm going to tell him it's time to move our relationship to the next level. I've been reading about it, and I think I want us to try oral sex. We'll discuss it and if it's okay with him and we come to a mutual consent about it then it will happen.
But what happens in the bedroom from here on out is only our business. I hope he says yes.