Here we are again. Thanks for choosing to join me again. A few days ago, I was talking to one of my readers online. He was telling me of his situation having a 14 year old boy in his charge. He's not related to the boy by blood, but in his heart. I would like to dedicate this story to him.
This story, unlike my others does not have much in the way of sexual contact. It is about the struggle that is waged every day by young adolescents trying to come to grips with their own feelings, their sexuality. My advice to those boys is to go with your heart. Don't feel rushed into doing anything you are not totally comfortable with. I wish all of you the very best.
I received such response from "Jake", I decided to tell the other side of the story. The story that follows is the same as "Jake" but from Rick's perspective.
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I hope you enjoy, "The Other Side of Jake -- Rick's side of the story"
"The Other Side of Jake -- Rick's side of the story"
Hello. My name is Rick. A few years ago, a close friend of mine came to me with a problem. He and his wife were having some major financial difficulties and didn't know what to do. He was asking my advice. I tried to give him some things to try, but he told me that he had already tried everything. He was distraught because he didn't know what would happen to his family. He had a son, who was 9 at the time. He knew that if he couldn't provide for the boy, the state would take the boy away. Suddenly, he looked at me and asked if I would care for his son.
Well, I knew who Jake was, we'd met several times, and we seemed to get along. My problem was, well, that I'm gay and he doesn't know that. Would he still be asking me to care for a young boy if he knew? Finally, I relented to his continuing pleas. I never did tell him of my sexuality.
Well, Jake moved in. I tried not to be overbearing. I tried to act more like an older brother or friend. We would play. We would wrestle. We basically had a good time together. The problem was, as time went on, I began to feel more and more attracted to the boy. Physically attracted to him.
One day, I was walking through the mall and something caught my eye. I saw it and immediately thought that Jake would love it, so, I bought it for him. I brought it home and that evening gave it to him. He, at first, questioned why I was giving him a present, but in the end, accepted it and gave me a hug. As time went on, I kept seeing things I wanted to give him. The cost was no matter, and I'll have to admit, some of the gifts were rather expensive. Was I courting him?
I loved him very much. But, I also knew that I couldn't give in to my desires. I vowed at that moment not to touch him physically until after he reached the legal age. That is, if he was willing. One day, when Jake was about 11 or12, I started noticing things about him. Things that reminded me of myself at that age.
He was acting like he wanted to talk to me about something, but was afraid to ask. I tried to appear that I was available to talk to. That is without pushing him. When he was ready, he'd talk to me about whatever it was. I suspected I knew what he was worried about anyway.
I remember one day in particular. Jake had gone to the park. When he came home, he was acting strangely. I looked at him and suddenly realized. He was almost literally floating on cloud nine. He was smiling, almost giddy. I asked him what was up, but he just smiled at me and said, "Oh, oh, nothing."
Well, I was almost sure what had happened. And you know, I felt jealous. In my mind, I could see someone introducing Jake to the wonderful world of love. I was almost angry. Within a few moments I realized what I was thinking. I loved him like a son, but did I want to love him like a partner? I was confused.
It's now the present. Jake is now 14, well he'll actually be 15 in a few months. I had a date. I made the date early, so I could come home reasonably early so Jake wouldn't be home too late. I left him a note in the kitchen. The note said that I would be gone until about 8:00pm and that he should go get some money and order himself a pizza or something for dinner and I'd see me when I got home. The note also said that I loved him.
I had never said that to him before. I guess that maybe I was trying to plant a seed. I arrived home about 8:30 and Jake was really quiet. About 9:30, he got up and told me good night. I could tell he had something on his mind.
The next morning was Saturday. I awoke at my usual time, which was 7:30am. I went into the kitchen and starting to fix coffee and breakfast. Coffee for me, and breakfast for both of us. Jake came in about an hour later as I was sitting at the table, reading the paper and drinking a cup of coffee. He went to the refridgerator and took out the OJ and poured himself a glass. He came to the table and sat with me.
He looked at me and asked if we could have a talk. He told me that something had been bothering him and he needed to talk it out. I said, "Sure Jake, what's on your mind, buddy?"
He told me that he didn't know how to ask this so he guessed it would be best to just ask it straight out. He asked me, "Rick, are you gay?"
I looked him straight in the eye and said, "Jake, I have never lied to you. I will never lie to you. You asked me if I was gay and the answer is yes. That's where I was last night. I had a date."
He looked at me and before I could say anything more, he jumped up and gave me a hug. He told me that I had just made him the happiest boy on the planet. I was wondering why my telling him I was gay would make him so happy, unless... As I was considering this Jake looked at me and said, "Rick, um, I'm gay too."
He had finally confirmed my suspicions. I don't know why, but I began to get angry. Not angry at him, but at myself. I was jealous. Jealous that someone else had won his heart. I turned to him and with a serious look asked him if he had been having sex with anyone. He told me that the only person he had been having sex with was his right hand. I couldn't help but laugh. The relief I was feeling was just too great. I told him that I kind of expected that he wouldn't be sexually active, but hearing him say it was nice.
He began to stare at me. It was a look that I had seen many times in my life. He wanted me. Or did he? Was I projecting my desires onto this innocent child? I am not generally attracted to boys. I liked men. Could it be that he's truly in love with me? I know he loves me, but that is far from being `IN LOVE' with someone. I decided to see where his thinking was.
I asked him if there were any guys he liked. His reply was that there was someone. However he felt that, well, he said it best when he said the he knew he could never in a million years get closer to him. I think I knew what he was getting at, and I decided to give him something to think about. I told him that there was no reason in the world why he couldn't be as close to anyone at all if he played his cards right.
He asked, "What if the guy I like is older than me." My reply was that if he loved someone, and they loved him, age was a minor concern. Sure, if he's an adult there are some problems, but in my opinion, those could be easily avoided by being discreet.
His next statement was music to my ears. He asked in a nervous shaky voice, "What if the guy I think I am in love with and want to be with, you know, sexually, is you."
I froze. For a full minute, I processed this information. I could probably do anything with him and he wouldn't complain. The problem is I made a vow to myself that I would not be overtly sexual with him until he was 18. He then looked deeply into my eyes and noticed a tear beginning to drip down my left cheek. I had to say something. I finally spoke. I said that I would be proud to be loved and to love him. The smile on his face could generate enough electricity to light up the entire of Las Vegas. He jumped into my lap, wrapped his arms around his neck, and gave me a kiss. During the kiss, I pushed my tongue into his mouth and we tongue danced for a while. I asked him to get off my lap and to sit. We needed to talk.
I told him that I loved him and always had. As he was growing into a very handsome young man, it became more and more difficult not to "touch" him. I had been suspicious of the fact that he may be gay, but didn't want to intrude into his privacy. I told him that I knew that when he was ready, he would come to me. I know now that I was right.
From this point in time forward, Jake and I will be partners. Not the relationship of a Guardian and his charge. Decisions will be made together. He's been good at understanding that I cannot have the kind of sex he wants for a while, at least until he's older. So, he's happy when we get naked and jack off together. Sometimes I let him jack me off, and once, so far, I've jacked him.
I am trying to teach him that whatever we do, is between us. Not because I can get in trouble, but he needs to understand that even if he were with someone his own age, he needs to keep what happens between the two.
I will be satisfied showing him what it feels like to be loved. He shows me that every day.