This is the eighth chapter of `Learning with a Man'. A new chapter will come out every week. Any comments or questions can be directed to the author at nothlit(at)hotmail(dot)com

This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to real people or events is entirely coincidental.

Learning with a Man
Chapter 8



    "Why am I driving you, again?" Dad asked me.
    "You said you were free today," I said.
    "You know what I mean, Jeff. Why didn't you go with Ray? He offered to drive you there, you know. He called last night."
    "If it's a problem..."
    "I don't mind driving you, son, but this trip was supposed to be for the two of you. The plan was for you boys to go there alone; then today you tell me you're not going with Ray after all. You'll be spending all day with him and the guide as you make the climb, you know."
    "So?"
    Dad sighed. "So, I don't understand why you're having me drive you all the way over there just so you won't have to talk to Ray—you'll end up having to talk to him anyway."
    "We paid for half this trip," I said defensively. "And I want to climb Mount Adams."
    "But Ray..."
    "He's not coming."
    "What?"
    "I told him not to come."
    "When?"
    "This morning. I texted him."
    "And he told you he wasn't coming anymore?"
    I shrugged. "I don't know. He didn't answer me. I think."
    "You think?"
    "I turned off my phone."
    "Jeff..."
    "It's okay, Dad. I'll climb alone. You said this guide seemed trustworthy, remember?"
    "His name's Chris. And he does seem very professional."
    "See? No need to worry. You drive me there, I make the climb. Then I call you when we're back down."
    Dad nodded, unconvinced, but he didn't say anything else and he kept his eyes on the road as he drove. I looked out the window, watching trees streak by on the side of the highway. I wondered what I was doing out here; I didn't even feel like climbing some stupid mountain today, even if it was supposed to be easy enough for beginners. I'd planned to stay at home. But Ray had kept calling, trying to talk to me, and I knew I had to get away from him somehow. This trip was perfect. I'd told Ray not to come, and that meant I had a full day ahead of me without him and his lies. I'd just pretend I was enjoying the climb or something. If it was just me and the guide, it shouldn't be a problem. Maybe I could even tell this Chris guy I didn't want to go up the mountain and we could just stay in the camp. He got paid anyway; I didn't think he'd mind. And I'd have some time all to myself away from everyone. Particularly away from Ray.
    If Ray did decide to show up anyway, though, I didn't know what I'd do. Should I leave? Should I tell him to leave?
    "You want to tell me what this is about, Jeff?" Dad said suddenly, his tone serious.
    I looked at him. "What do you mean? I'm fine."
    He shook his head slightly and was silent for a bit, frowning like he was concentrating on something. Several minutes passed. I thought he'd dropped the subject, but then he slowed down and drove off the highway, into the emergency lane. He stopped the car. Tall trees grew right next to the road, and it was quiet aside from the roar of cars passing by every now and then. It was very early morning, and it was almost dark out. The sky was a light shade of grey, soon to turn blue when the sun came up. We'd had to wake up real early to make it to Mount Adams' base camp in time.
    Dad turned the keys and the engine died down. Then he looked at me.
    "Jeff, what's the matter with you? You're not acting like yourself. One minute you're all smiles, humming happily wherever you go. The next you get like you did last night, behaving rudely and locking yourself in your room."
    "Oh. That."
    "Yes, that. Do you mind telling me what that was about?"
    "I'm sorry about yesterday, okay?" I said defensively. "I just had a lot on my mind."
    "That's not what I meant. I'm not mad; I just want to know what's going on. I'm here for you, Jeff, but for some reason you're not talking to me. Whatever it is that's bothering you, you can tell me."
    "Nothing's going on," I muttered.
    Dad gave me a long, searching look. It seemed he wanted to say something but just couldn't bring himself to say it. I didn't say anything either, just stared back at him, daring myself not to look away. Eventually, Dad was the one who looked away.
    "Is this about Ray?" he asked softly.
    I started, surprised. My heart began pounding in my chest. Did he know? Did he only suspect? Had he known all along?
    "What are you talking about?" I blurted.
    "Listen, Jeff... well, I've seen how you and Ray—"
    "I'm okay, Dad," I said quickly. "Really. Stop worrying, okay? I'm fine."
    "But..."
    "Honest. Let's just get back on the road, okay? We're going to be late."
    Slowly, Dad nodded. Then he started the car and he drove back onto the highway.
    I couldn't stop thinking about Dad's question for the rest of the trip. Dad knew something, or he suspected it... I didn't even know how that made me feel. Part of me wanted to tell him all that had happened, all the stuff going on with Ray, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Admit to my dad that the guy I'd fallen for had lied to me again? That I had cried myself to sleep last night? That I secretly wanted for Ray to show up to this stupid trip so I could confront him and hear from his own lips that he'd never really liked me? Ray had his girlfriend, he had his life. I wasn't a part of it and I was never going to be. No way I was telling any of that to my dad.
    I watched the sun come up over the hills, and the dark grey of the trees changed to a vivid green even as the sky lightened and another nice summer day began. We had to get to the camp at 7 a.m., and it was 6:45 already. Dad yawned hugely every now and then as he drove. He wasn't used to waking up so early, but he hadn't minded to do it when I'd asked. I was glad. Anything but having to sit in Ray's car, alone with him, for the hour it took to get to base camp. This way if Ray did show up for the climb, at least I could walk away from him, and I wouldn't depend on him to drive me back home. I'd just call Dad.
    Would he come, though? I went from wishing Ray wouldn't come to hoping he would. Saying I was confused about my feelings would have been a huge understatement. I was angry with Ray, disappointed, but mostly ashamed. Ashamed that I'd trusted him again, after all he'd done, when he obviously just wanted to have some fun with me and leave the second he had something better to do. All that stuff back in the diner... and in the field... lies. Even he had seemed sincere at the moment; even if he had convinced me he was going to change, it had all been fake. I knew that now.
    "We're here," Dad announced eventually. I looked and, sure enough, we'd come up to the camp. Dad took a right turn into a dirt road that led partway up a low hill. A couple of log cabins stood in a clearing nearby, and there were a few tents here and there. I looked at the couple of cars that were parked by the cabins, but none of them was Ray's. I felt relieved, but also disappointed. He wasn't coming.
    "Thanks, Dad," I said, unfastening my seatbelt.
    "Jeff..."
    "Yeah?"
    "Nothing. Have fun. There's Chris over there, say hi to him for me. I'll be back at six, or earlier if you call me. You should be done by then."
    "Sure."
    I stepped out of the car, grabbing the large backpack Dad had made me bring, loaded with supplies and a warm parka. I waved as my dad drove off, and turned to say hi to the guy that had been at my house last night.
    "Hey," he said, extending his hand. "I'm Chris."
    "Jeff. We kind of met last night."
    Chris grinned. "Yeah. Kind of."
    He was a couple of years older than Ray, and taller as well. His handshake was firm. He was wearing jeans and a light jacket, and looked every bit the mountain guide. His eyes reminded me a bit of Ray's. That made me remember Ray, and the things he had said to me yesterday, which in turn made me feel sad.
    "There were supposed to be two of you, right?" Chris asked, looking around. "You and Ray Savage. Where is he?"
    I shrugged. "He's not coming."
    "Really?"
    "Yeah."
    "Okay. That's weird, though."
    "Why?"
    "He texted me half an hour ago, said he was on his way."
    My heart did a sort of flip. "He was?"
    "Yeah; he should be here any moment... if he didn't change his mind like you said."
    "Oh. Okay."
    We waited for a bit. I wasn't feeling like talking, so we basically just looked down the road in case Ray showed up.
    "So... have you ever climbed before?" Chris asked me eventually.
    "I don't think so."
    "Well, don't worry. Mount Adams is more of a hike than a climb, really, and we're not going all the way up. You shouldn't have any trouble getting to just above the tree line. You don't suffer from asthma or anything similar, right?"
    "No."
    "Okay. Hey, that reminds me; you guys will need to fill out the safety forms. I'll bring you your copy. One sec."
    "Sure."
    I walked around until I found a long bench to sit on, and looked down at the road. Before long, Ray's car came into view. I told myself to be calm, and try to act cool, but I was nervous, and uncertain... and angry. I was surprised by the sudden outburst of anger that I felt as soon as I saw Ray's face through his car's windshield. He caught sight of me, and sort of waved, then thought better of it. I remembered how he'd walked out with that girl yesterday, though, and all I did was glare at him.
    He parked nearby and stepped out of his car. He looked great, as usual, and I felt the little kick in the pit of my stomach that I felt whenever I looked at him. This time, though, I told myself to ignore it. He'd probably come for the climb, not for me.
    He came closer slowly, as if he didn't know what I would do. He had a backpack too, and his hair was all disheveled, as if he'd just woken up. He hadn't shaved either, and a shadow obscured his jaw.
    "Um, hi, Jeff," he said.
    I just looked at him.
    "Listen," he continued. "About yesterday, I—"
    "Got them!" Chris yelled loudly, coming out of the nearest cabin. "Hey, Ray! You made it!"
    "What's up, Chris?"
    "Not much. Ready for the climb?"
    "I guess," Ray answered.
    They shook hands.
    "Dude, it's been a long time," Chris said. "Heard you guys won the championship this year."
    "Yeah, we did."
    "Congratulations! Bet Coach Graham made you work for it, though."
    "You've no idea, Chris. Ever had one of her `midnight races'?"
    Chris laughed. "Dude! She's famous for them!"
    I walked away. So that's how it was going to be; pretending nothing had happened, like that time Ray had come to my house to bring back my books. Well, I wasn't going to fall for it this time. Not again.
    "Hey!" Chris called. "Um, Jeff, right?"
    I looked back. "Yeah."
    "Here's your form. Just fill it out and we'll get going."
    "Okay."
    Ray looked at me like he wanted to say something when I picked up my form, but I ignored him. I grabbed the pen Chris offered and filled it out quickly. Then Ray did it. When we were done and Chris had put the documents back in the cabin, he told us to follow.
    He stopped next to a wooden sign that read, `South Climb Trail'.
    "Okay guys," he said, "let me give you a quick overview of what we're going to do today. We'll take the South Climb Trail here and go up the southern side of the mountain. It's a pretty scenic hike so I hope you brought something to take pictures with; we might see some wildlife, and the view down is good at certain points along the trail."
    "Wildlife?" I asked. "Like bears?"
    Chris chuckled. "Not likely. More like squirrels and birds. You might want to take a few pictures of Mount Hood and Mount Saint Helens, both of which are clearly visible from the south trail. We got good visibility conditions today, and no storms have been forecast for today or tomorrow.
    "The plan is to hike all the way up to the foot of Crescent Glacier, take a few pictures, and come back down. It's a pretty straightforward path, clearly marked for the most part, so if you do get sidetracked for some reason just stay where you are and yell—I'll come get you. This time of the year it's pretty warm down here, but up above the tree line the temperature drops sharply. We won't be staying long up there, but I hope you brought something warm."
    I nodded. Ray nodded too.
    "Okay," Chris told us, "in that case, let's go. It's a shame you guys aren't going all the way to the top; the view from there is fantastic. You can see Mount Rainier once you get all the way up, too. A sight worth seeing."
    "Wait," Ray said, "we're not going all the way up?"
    "Well... no," Chris answered, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Mount Adams is a two-day climb. Most people go all the way up to Lunch Counter, the camp above the first glacier, and spend the night there. Then on the second day they get to the summit. Your trip is a one-day climb."
    "Can't we just climb all the way up today?" Ray asked. "To the summit?"
    "No way, Ray. You need time to adjust to the altitude. Besides, the trip you guys booked covers only the hike to the glacier, like I told you guys."
    "Oh, man!" Ray exclaimed. "You're kidding me!"
    I supposed I should have felt more disappointed, but the truth was I really didn't care all that much about the climb. Ray was here now, and having him so close made feel angry and sad and nervous, all at the same time. In fact, I would have considered leaving if Dad hadn't driven off already. Now I was stuck here with Ray.
    "You thought we were going all the way up?" Chris asked us.
    "Well, yeah!" Ray said. "I even brought my crampons and all!"
    "And you, Jeff?" Chris asked me.
    "Huh?"
    "Did you bring warm clothing and equipment?"
    I shrugged. "I have lots of water and some dried food. A parka. But I don't have any crampons or whatever. Are those the spiky things that go on your shoes?"
    "Yeah. Actually," Chris said slowly, "I do have extra equipment in my car... probably crampons your size, too, Jeff. And I always carry a tent, and one sleeping bag."
    "Then let's do it!" Ray said. "Let's go all the way up, a two-day climb like you said."
    "You guys would have to pay extra, though."
    "No problem," Ray told him.
    "And we'd need another two sleeping bags... let me check inside the cabin."
    He left to check, and I was left alone with Ray again. I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eyes now; instead I faked a great interest in a patch of wildflowers that grew by the side of the trail and turned my back on him.
    "Listen, Jeff... about last night... I'm so sorry."
    I knelt to pick a wildflower. I didn't answer him.
    "I know you're mad, but you got to let me explain. I was as surprised as you were to see those guys there, so suddenly, and I—I froze."
    "Right."
    "Then Janice was all over me and—"
    I turned. "Save it, Ray."
    "What?"
    I took a deep breath. I needed to say this without betraying how bad I really felt.
    "You don't have to explain anything. It's obvious you have your life, and that it doesn't include me. You probably didn't even break up with that Janice girl like you told me. And you know what? That's fine. It's your life. I just wish you hadn't taken me out yesterday and acted like I really mattered to you. I don't mind if you've decided you don't want me in your life—that's your choice. What I do mind, what I can't understand, is why you keep lying to me. Why all the lies, Ray? Do you find it amusing or something?"
    "Jeff... that's not..."
    "Please. You know I care about you; I've never hidden my feelings so others won't know, like you do all the time. I thought you cared about me, too, but now I see that isn't true. Maybe it was all in my head and you just didn't bother to correct me. I don't know and I don't care. Yesterday you made your choice clear, and that's okay... but now it's me saying that we cannot be friends anymore, Ray. I'm sorry but I can't just pretend nothing's ever happened like you're doing now, acting all excited about this stupid trip."
    "Jeff..."
    "I only came so I would be far away from you, for a day at least. I texted you not to come, and you came anyway. Now I'm stuck here with you, so fine. We're here. I'll even go along with this plan to hike to the summit since I'm already here and I suppose it would be stupid not to want to go all the way up, too. But after we go back home, don't talk to me anymore. I'll tell you what you told me once, at the mall. Get lost."
    Ray opened his mouth as if to protest, but he didn't say anything. His shoulders slumped and he looked at me with such hurt in his eyes that it wrung my heart with regret—but I'd had to say it. I didn't want to be lied to again.
    "Good news!" Chris said, carrying a heavy-looking pack on his back. "I found the stuff we need. Let's get going; we want to reach Lunch Counter and set up camp before it gets too cold. Come on!"
    I nodded and sprinted ahead to follow, shouldering my own backpack. Ray followed more slowly, his earlier enthusiasm gone. I tried not to look at him as we began the hike up.
    The trail was actually a very easy hike, and very beautiful, too. Green was everywhere: in the tall pine trees and other conifers that grew on either side, their branches thick and heavy with needles; in the green of summer plant leaves dotting the ground and growing everywhere there was a little free soil. Wildflowers were dashes of color among the green, and they were beautiful, vibrant shoots of life that made the side of the mountain look like a painting or one of those calendar photographs of the wild. I saw patches of white flowers growing all together in clumps, their leaves coating the ground like a carpet of soft green; bright red flowers that grew in tufts of spiky petals several inches above the ground; and purple lavender-like flowers that crowded the trunks of some low, gnarled trees that grew along the sides of the trail. Above us, the sky was a vivid blue. The wind was cool and refreshing, and the scent of pine needles was all around us as our shoes crunched with every step we took up the mountain. We couldn't see the summit of Mount Adams from this angle, with all the trees in the way, but I had seen it as my dad and I had driven here and I knew it was capped with bright, pure snow.
    It would have been an incredibly awesome experience except for the fact that I felt worse than I'd felt in a very long time.
    It was weird knowing Ray was so close, yet so very far away. I wanted to talk to him desperately but I didn't dare. I'd said what I had to say, and if I talked to him again I knew I'd believe whatever he said, even if he said he wouldn't lie again, and I didn't want to be hurt anymore. No way. I concentrated on the hike.
    As we climbed higher and higher, I began to sweat and opened my jacket; we drank some water, had a bit of trail mix... and still I didn't speak to Ray, and Ray didn't speak to me. Chris caught on to the uncomfortable mood eventually, and tried to make up for the silence by telling us about stuff we saw and describing the climb.
    "Look!" he said as we were finishing our snack. "Over there!"
    I turned and saw a small squirrel eyeing us warily from the top of a boulder nearby. It was extremely cute, with small, round ears and fur of a golden brown shade. Two dark stripes ran along the sides of its coat. It kind of twitched as it watched us, its nose sniffing like crazy.
    "That's a golden-mantled ground squirrel," Chris said. "They often hang around camp to snatch bits of snacks that fall to the ground, or to see if any hikers will give them a bit of whatever they're eating. We keep telling people not to feed them, but some do and the squirrels grow more confident as a result. That one looks like it's been around people before."
    I took a picture of the squirrel with my phone. The loud click sound and my sudden motion scared it away.
    We kept going up, a bit more slowly the more we advanced since we were getting higher, the sun was hotter, and my backpack seemed to be growing heavier. I drank water at regular intervals like Chris had advised, and walked right behind him, with Ray trailing behind. Once we came to a break in the trees that let us see Mount Saint Helens if we turned back to look south and we stopped briefly. It seemed far away, but I could see its summit clearly, white and blue in the distance. I took a picture and moved on.
    After another hour passed, we couldn't have talked among ourselves even if we'd wanted to. The easy hike had turned into a full workout, and I wasn't the only one panting as we climbed, the sun hot on our backs. Ray and Chris were having an easier time of it, though, and even Ray overtook me after a while. I fell behind, regretting not having exercised more during the school year. My pack kept getting heavier. I considered asking Ray to help me with it for a while, but then decided against it. I couldn't bring myself to talk to him, even if the fact that we were ignoring one another while being literally within arm's reach was becoming more ridiculous by the minute. Even Chris had stopped trying to make small talk, and now all we were doing was walking. And sweating.
    A long time later, we passed a cairn that marked the very beginning of the glacier Chris had mentioned, and I sat down against the pile of stones. I had to take a break.
    "Up ahead is Crescent Glacier," Chris said between gulps of his water bottle. "And just after that is Lunch Counter, where we'll make camp."
    "How much farther?" I asked, panting.
    "About an hour and a half or so."
    I groaned.
    "Come on, Jeff," Chris said. "You did say you wanted to get to the top, right?"
    "Yeah, but... can't we take a break?"
    Chris checked his watch. "Okay. Fifteen minutes, then we move on."
    "Thanks."
    I took off my backpack gratefully and took out a granola bar, munching on it in silence.
    "I thought you said it would get colder up here?" Ray asked Chris.
    "It is colder. Feel the wind."
    "I'm sweating so much I don't think I can tell, one way or another," Ray commented.
    "There's less trees up here, in case you hadn't noticed," Chris told us. "And right over there is the tree line. After that there's no cover from the wind but rocks. Right now you're warm from the exercise, but trust me, once you've stayed in one place for half an hour it gets much, much colder."
    "Are we going to need crampons to walk through the glacier?" Ray asked.
    Chris laughed. "That's only snow you see up there. The ice is higher up, so no, we won't need them until the summit climb tomorrow."
    "Oh. Okay."
    Chris stood up. "Ready?"
    "I guess," I said.
    "Yeah," Ray said.
    I picked up my stuff and we trudged on. Soon we left the dirt-and-rock path we'd been following and began walking on snow. It wasn't deep, but it was all mushy from the sun. My shoes got all wet pretty soon, but fortunately not my socks. We saw a group of four fellow climbers going down at one point, and we waved at them as they passed us. Further on, we saw another couple of climbers coming down.
    "We're near Lunch Counter," Chris said.
    "Finally," I grumbled.
    We walked through the snow field up, and up, and up. I began to think the climb would never end, and seriously reconsidered our decision to make the full climb tomorrow. As I was thinking that, though, the slope began to level up slightly and up ahead we caught sight of a few tents sticking out of the snow next to rocky windbreaks.
    "This is it," Chris said, making for the eastern side of the camp. "Lunch Counter."
    "Thank God," I said, huffing and wiping sweat off my brow.
    "We have to set up the tent now," Chris said. "Do you guys know how to do it?"
    "I go camping with my father," Ray said. "I can do it."
    "Okay," Chris said, handing Ray his pack. "Set it over there, right by the lip of that rock shelf. It'll shelter us from the wind on one side come nightfall. I'll go say hi to a few people and come right back to help you guys."
    "Sure."
    Chris left, waving to another guide that was further up the mountain with three climbers.
    "I'll set up the tent," Ray said, and left, not waiting for an answer.
    I was left standing in the middle of nowhere, feeling awful. Apparently Ray had given up on trying to talk to me. That was what I wanted, but it also made me feel worse. Whatever. I didn't know what to do, so I wandered off west, away from the groups of climbers that were setting up their tents and cooking their meals. I let my pack drop at some point and didn't bother to pick it up. I felt bad, and it wasn't the exhaustion of the hike at all—not talking to Ray hurt. I just couldn't believe that after this trip I wouldn't speak to him again. I felt as if there was a void in my heart, and I couldn't do anything to fill it.
    I kicked some snow out of the way and kept walking, mostly downhill since I didn't feel like climbing anymore. I jumped onto a patch of rocks that were snow-free, rising over the snow field and running down the mountain slope. I followed the rocks to stay away from the snow, hands in my pockets, not really seeing where I was going. The same thoughts kept going round and round in my head. I wanted to talk to Ray even more now, but I was afraid. What if he swore he was sorry, and promised not to do it again, only to freak out yet again the second someone he knew saw him with me? And what was the deal with the girlfriend he said he didn't have anymore? No. I couldn't risk it—I didn't want to get all excited again, feeling stupidly happy like I'd felt yesterday, only to have my hopes dashed by Ray's doubts. I just couldn't handle it anymore.
    I walked some more until I found a big, flat rock that jutted out of the mountainside, facing west. The view there was breathtaking: right below me, the rock dropped at a sharp angle for maybe thirty feet before ending in a ridge that was lightly snow-covered, leading gently down into the trees below. I could see the forest covering the lower slopes of the mountain, running down in shades of dark green with spots of lighter shades where different trees grew. Far away, I saw the peaks of Mount Saint Helens and Mount Hood, hazy with distance. A cold, penetrating wind was blowing, ruffling my hair and making me wish for the heavier parka that I had in my bag. Or at least something hot to drink.
    I sat there for a bit, not thinking about anything, really. Little by little, I managed to relax. The view was beautiful, the air cold but pure. This mountain seemed to want to tell me not to brood on my dark thoughts any more than I had to, and I was glad to comply. I let my mind wander, taking in little details of the view I'd missed when I first looked, and stayed on that rock until the wind got too chilly and I had to stand up. I brushed some dirt off my jeans and headed back to camp, picking up my discarded backpack along the way.
    When I got back, trudging over more slushy snow, I saw the tent had already been set up. Aside from ours, there were four other tents from groups of climbers set around Lunch Counter, all of them placed wherever the rocks provided some shelter from the wind. Ours was the one furthest away from the main path, a green-and-yellow tent that looked small but sturdy. As I approached, Chris waved me over. I saw he and Ray were sitting around a small gas stove near the back of the tent, where the view was best.
    "Hey, Jeff," Chris said. "Thought you'd gotten lost."
    "I just went for a walk," I explained. I caught Ray's eye by accident, but I quickly looked away.
    Chris held up a thermos. "Hot soup?"
    "Thanks," I said gratefully. I grabbed the warm thermos and sipped on the soup. It warmed me up right away.
    "We should go to bed early today," Chris said. "Sleep as much as you can. Spending a night here should let your bodies get used to the altitude, and hopefully tomorrow you won't have any headaches or anything as we ascend to the top."
    "How long will it take us to get to the summit?" I asked.
    "If we start before dawn we should be there by early morning, have time to take some pictures, and then head back down."
    "Okay," I said. I sipped more soup.
    Chris looked from Ray to me and back to Ray.
    "Um... not that it's any of my business," he began, "but do you guys mind filling me in on what's going on?"
    "What do you mean?" I asked, defensively.
    "Well, you two did schedule the trip together, right?"
    I nodded. Ray stared down at the snow.
    "Then why the hell are you giving each other the silent treatment? Not that I mind; well, no, actually I do mind. Most groups I take up to the summit can't stop talking and taking pictures and generally just enjoying themselves. You two, well... did somebody die or something? It's getting creepy, the way you're acting and all."
    Ray looked right at me. I met his gaze evenly for as long as I could, but it wasn't very long. I wanted to scream. I wanted to shake him and demand why all the lies, why he had even come here in the first place if he didn't want me around. I almost did, but Chris was watching. Instead I gave back the thermos and stood up.
    "I'm going into the tent," I said gruffly.
    I left. I went inside, unzipping the front and closing it after me. The inside of the tent was pretty small, but there was enough space for the three sleeping bags set side by side lengthwise. It was dark inside the tent, so I put my bag down, took out a couple granola bars, and crawled inside the leftmost sleeping bag right away. I took out my phone and played Tetris while I ate. Then I played some more. I must have spent close to two hours in there, alone, while I heard Chris and Ray talking outside, their deep voices muffled by the tent and carried away by the wind.
    When the other two guys finally came in, I saw it was still light out. The time on my phone read 6:55 but I was beat. I rolled around in my bag and pretended to be asleep.
    I heard them shuffling as they settled down and crawled into the bags. They talked for a while in low voices, trying not to wake me up I guess. I kept my eyes closed, tried not to move, and eventually I began to feel sleepy in earnest. I yawned quietly. I was more tired than I'd realized, and before I knew it, I drifted off into sleep.
    "Hey, Jeff, wake up."
    "Huh?"
    "Wake up. We're getting ready to go."
    I opened my eyes and sat up groggily. It was dark in the tent. Chris had woken me up and was zipping up his sleeping bag; I could barely make out his shape. Ray was nowhere to be seen.
    "What time is it?" I asked yawning. I felt like I hadn't slept at all.
    "Quarter to five."
    "Five a.m.?"
    "Yeah. If we hurry, we can catch the sunrise right at the summit. It's incredible, you'll love it. Besides, that way we beat all the other climbers to the top. We'll have the mountain to ourselves."
    I stretched. "Okay."
    I managed to step out of the sleeping bag after some more yawning, and helped Chris bundle up the bags and stash them in the backpack he carried. Ray was outside, working on dismantling the tent, and he collapsed it as soon as we were outside. Together we packed it and put it away.
    Chris gave me crampons and told us to keep them handy for when we reached the last third of the climb. It was cold out in the pre-dawn stillness, and dark, but my clothes kept me sufficiently warm once we got moving. We passed some of the other tents on our way up, but nobody was stirring in them this early. I munched on some trail mix as we walked.
    Chris told us to stick close behind him so he'd be able to pick a safe path up. Since it was dark still, with only the barest glimmer of approaching down off to the east, we did as he asked. I kept my eyes on the ground most of the time, and settled into a stride, following Chris's footprints in the snow. Pretty soon, the exertion made me sweat, and I began breathing a bit more heavily. Behind me, I could hear Ray walking. He hadn't said a word to me since we'd woken up, and I hadn't offered to say anything.
    An hour passed. The sky got lighter. At one point Chris had us strap on our crampons, and we began to ascend through part of a glacier dotted with rocks. The ice under our feet was firm and crunchy, and the crampons gave us much-needed traction. The slope also began to get more pronounced. I was getting tired. As the glow in the east got brighter and the sky changed from dark indigo to grey, I found myself taking two breaths per step. Chris pointed out what he called the false summit, just a little way ahead. Beyond it, a hump of rock and ice was the real summit of the mountain.
    We missed the sunrise from the top; we were still at the false summit when the sun came up. Even so, it was spectacular. Off to our right, the sky changed to gold and crimson, and the first rays of the sun reached the mountain, throwing our long shadows on the snow and ice. I was taking three breaths per step now, and Ray behind me wasn't faring any better. Chris had to stop several times so we could catch up to him, but we kept going, sinking the sharp spikes on our shoes into the ice, one step at a time. I stopped at one point to catch my breath, and the other two guys waited for me. When I was ready, we moved ahead.
    Fifteen minutes later I had to stop again.
    "Just... a sec..." I panted.
    Chris nodded. "I'll go on ahead and scout a path forward. This part is a bit tricky; some parts of the ice aren't safe."
    "Okay."
    "I'll stay... with him," Ray huffed, just behind. "We'll wait here."
    "Okay," Chris said. "Be right back."
    I concentrated on breathing for a while, until my heartbeat had slowed down enough to allow me to think about something other than how tired my legs felt and how thin the air was. The spectacular view from the mountain had stopped looked beautiful half an hour ago. Now all I wanted was to get to the top and back down. Even if the going back down part made me groan inwardly.
    "Jeff," Ray said, wiping some sweat from his brow. "We got to talk. You got to let me explain."
    "There's nothing to say," I told him. "Yesterday you said enough."
    Ray closed his eyes like he was trying to rein in his temper, but he lost it. "Jeff, come on! Just hear me out! What you saw at the park had nothing to do with you and me and you totally misinterpreted it!"
    "Oh, really?" I said sarcastically.
    "Yes, really! And this thing you're doing, not talking to me even when we've been three feet away all day yesterday is just ridiculous! Don't you see how stupid it is, not even letting me explain what—"
    "I know what I saw, Ray," I said. "So don't. Just... don't."
    "Jeff!" Ray exclaimed, and reached for me.
    I backed off. "Stop it, Ray."
    "No! I'm not stopping until you've heard me out."
    He reached for me again, and I backed away. "Stop it!"
    But Ray kept coming, and his look was determined. I almost surrendered and went right to him, but I was too hurt, too angry, too stubborn to give in now. So instead I knocked his arm to the side when he reached yet again, shoved him back so unexpectedly that he lost his footing and fell back into the snow, and I walked away as quickly as I could.
    "Jeff!"
    This stupid trip was over. That was it. I was done as far as I was concerned. I didn't care I wasn't reaching the summit of this stupid mountain; I wanted to go home now. I took a random direction down, ignored Ray's voice; I just kept going. Had to get back to camp and from there I could find my way down the mountain. I'd phone my dad and have him pick him up. I didn't need their help getting down.
    I stomped my way through the ice, trying to find our footprints, but I didn't see them. That only made me angrier. Everything I'd been holding inside all day yesterday had exploded out of me with that outburst and I couldn't think straight. I was nearly literally seeing red. I was so mad that I ended up going in the opposite direction I was supposed to be going, and I was forced to stop at the edge of a shelf of ice that led to a sheer drop down into the snow beyond, maybe twenty feet down. I'd have to go back, face Ray again. I kicked the ice angrily.
    I turned and saw Ray running down. Not hurrying down, running. Frantically. And Chris further back was waving his arms over his head, trying to get my attention, shouting at me. I could only make out my name, but his tone was urgent. He sounded scared.
    I felt a crack just below me, a dry snap like a massive surface breaking in two. The ice shelf I was standing on shuddered.
    I heard the groan of ice sliding on ice and realized, too late, that the ice ledge I was standing on had snapped.
    I tried to jump to safety, but everything happened too fast. The ice beneath me cracked. I slipped as I tried my desperate, wild jump and fell down hard, destabilizing the last part of the shelf that still held. I heard Ray shout one more time, and then the ice broke loose.
    I fell down the chasm, desperately trying to grab onto something, anything, but all my grasping fingers found was air.
    The last thing I saw as I fell was Ray barreling down the slope, way too fast to stop himself before he reached the edge. Except he didn't try to stop. He threw himself down without even hesitating, jumping right after me.
    I had an instant of disbelief at seeing him jump.
    Then I hit.




The final chapter of this story will come out next Tuesday!