Date: Wed, 11 May 2005 13:35:46 +0200 From: hadjo Subject: Harry-12 English is not my native language, so please have some consideration... Chapter 11 ended with: That night I slept peaceful, lying on my back with both boys in my arms. Suddenly there was Jack in a very bright light. "There will be a very difficult time for all three of you, but you will come through and in the end there will be victory!" Slowly the light faded and left me puzzled. What did Jack mean? Chapter 12. I awoke with the sound of the doorbell reverberating in my ears and both boys stirring in my arms. Harry yawned and stretched, John left the bed and with something that sounded like a curse went to the window. "Dad, there's a police car in front of the house!" Again the doorbell rang and somebody pounded the door. I could hear a couple of voices outside. Was there a fire or did something terrible happen? I jumped out of the bed and in a hurry put on some clothes, followed by two rather surprised boys. Together we descended the stairs and I opened the front door. Two men awaited us and at some distance two policemen were watching us, looking bored. "We want to ask you a couple of questions. Please will follow us to our car, and where is the third boy?" "Third boy? There isn't a third boy! What's the trouble sir? Did we do something wrong?" "You will hear soon enough, and do you have any problem with us inspecting your house?" "Of course not, we have nothing to hide! But why?" They didn't answer and guided us to the police car. The policemen opened the doors without saying a word and we entered the car with rather mixed feelings. What the heck was happening? The car drove off and in the distance I saw the two officers enter our house. John looked around with a furious expression on his face as if he would defend us with his life if necessary. Little Harry sat slumped back onto the seat with his head in his hands, apparently feeling not too well. Perhaps he remembered the frequent witch hunting's when he was a six year old gypsy boy? I didn't feel too well too. Why did those officers ask about a third boy? Did they mean Davey? The car drove to the police station and entered an iron gate. The gate closed behind us and the car stopped. John tried to open the door but his door was locked just as mine. Why? The policemen opened the doors via the outside and politely asked us to follow them. They guided us to a heavy door that magically opened on their approach. We entered and the door closed again with a dull bang. We entered a long passageway with iron doors on both sides. At the end we turned left and entered another passageway with now at least more normal looking doors with small panes in it. One of the policeman opened a door. "In here please, and you will have to wait for a moment..." Little Harry tried to follow me, but the other policeman stopped him. "You will go to the next room and wait there." "DAD..." Harry exclaimed with bulging eyes and a lot of fear in his voice. "It's okay son, nothing will happen to you!" I tried to reassure him. The first policeman closed the door and I was alone with my thoughts. In the distance I could hear the echoing voice of little Harry screaming and the lower voice of John trying to reassure and comfort him. Another door shut and everything went silent. I looked around in a small room containing a table with on both sides two chairs. Through a barred window I could see a small backyard with a heavy fence around. Everything was surrealistically silent. I slumped down onto one of the chairs and waited. What could have happened? Why did they arrest us and bring us here? Did Davey tell something about us? But what? Or did they put a hidden camera in the bedroom and they saw me helping John with his stiffy? But I couldn't believe that. Did Thomas tell the police something about John and him playing together? But why should they arrest ME? My head was a turmoil. What happened? I thought and thought but nothing seemed to make sense. After a while I tried to calm down and concentrated on my inner peace. I didn't do anything wrong and I had nothing to hide. But helping John with his stiffy? Did they know that? And why did they separate me and the boys? Were they afraid I would instruct the boys about what to tell and what not? I waited and waited and waited... and waited... and waited. After what seemed to be several hours suddenly the door opened and the two officers entered the room. They both took a seat and looked at me. "May we offer you a cup of coffee?" "Yes please, with two sugar and no milk." One of the officers left the room and came back with three plastic cups. Silently we drunk our coffee. "Of course you know why we brought you here..." one of the officers opened the conversation. "I really don't have the slightest idea. I have nothing to hide and I did nothing wrong. Why am I here? And where are my boys?" They both looked at me with piercing eyes, trying to read whether I was sincere or not. "The boys are okay, they were questioned in the other room by a trained interrogator. But I will tell you why you are here. A few days ago we got an anonymous report mentioning a male living on his own in a big house. He seemed to collect a lot of neighborhood children so we traced him. You are a divorced male with two daughters both living on their own and no grandchildren. Am I correct so far?" "I am divorced and I do have two grown-up daughters. But I am certainly NOT collecting children!" "We drove a few times past your house but at that time couldn't detect anything suspect so we let it go. Two days ago we got another anonymous report stating the male suddenly had two boys from the neighborhood living in his house and spending there the night. This time we consulted the public prosecutor and he decided to let it go again, but to keep a close eye on your house for a while. Yesterday we got a phone call from a very disturbed lady who suddenly saw a partially clothed and crying boy leave your house in a hurry... and this time the prosecutor decided to start an interrogation. That's why you are here. Who was that nearly naked and crying child?" I was totally thunderstruck. Who... what... An anonymous neighbor sending reports to the police about my conduct? A woman calling the police about Davey leaving my house in a hurry? In what kind of a world do we live? This isn't big brother watching, this is the whole neighborhood peeking through the windows! I have to calm down fast and answer their questions... What are they up to? "I only know his first name, Davey, he's a friend of both of my boys and he was helping us carrying some purchases upstairs. He was scared by something that happened and suddenly flew away. After a few minutes he came back, together with his mother who explained certain things to me. Davey seemed to be a very vulnerable and damaged boy." "Yes, we know. He was severely abused by his own father for a couple of years. But he's already the third vulnerable and damaged boy we found in your house. The first one, a gypsy boy, also is a very vulnerable child, severely damaged by a fire. The second boy was suddenly left by his father a few days ago. It looks like you are particularly attracted to boys who are victimized or damaged?" Again both officers looked at me with piercing eyes, trying to read into my soul. What should I do? Tell them the truth, that we recognized each other from our past lives, that the former owner of the house, the late Jack, brought them to me to be their guardian? Would they believe me? I think not... "It's just the opposite. Those children came to me! I did nothing to lure them or to force them." "So now you are blaming those children for your interest in them? But YOU are the grown-up! YOU should know better!" "What should I know better officer?" "Well, for example you let two children who are total strangers to you, share your bed. Yes, we found all evidences for that and we took a lot of pictures as proof for the prosecutor. We did a quick search for photos or child porn but so far didn't find any. As you see, we are totally open with you, and now we expect you to be totally open with us too..." "I WILL be totally open with you. A few days ago I moved into my new house and was sitting on the porch when all of the sudden five children neared me and told me their little friend, Harry, used to be there all the time with his big friend Jack, the former owner of the house. They told me little Harry was severely burnt everywhere and asked me to be friendly to him and not chase him away. I promised them and the eldest boy, John, suddenly went very emotional and cried on my lap. After that they told me the whole story of Jack taking care of little Harry, comforting him, visiting him in the hospital every day and now tutoring him for a couple of hours a day. Half an hour later they brought the little fellow to me and in some way we connected. It looked like little Harry attached himself to me as kind of a replacement from his former big friend Jack. The next day I took little Harry and his friend John with me to town and there they made the boy a really beautiful mask to cover the scars on his face. After that I made an appointment for him with a clinic that's specialized in burnings and we have to be there tomorrow. I will spend everything I have to help my little friend to get back at least a more normal appearance. And all of the sudden we are arrested and you brought us HERE. Why are we here? What did we do wrong?" "Don't blame us, we are only doing our work. Look at yourself from another point of view. A total stranger enters our village, connects with a lot of children within a few hours, after that all children walk in and out of his house. A very vulnerable and severely burnt child suddenly stays a couple of nights with him, after that a second child sleeps over and a third child leaves the house in a hurry, crying and nearly naked. What would YOU think of all this when you were confronted with it within three days time, as we are? It certainly doesn't sound, let us say, very normal. And on top of this we have proof that at least two of the children were sleeping with you in your bed tonight..." Again they observed me very closely. How would I react? "I've told you the truth. I can be proud of everything I did with or together with my boys. I did nothing to be ashamed of, in no way. I really tried and still try to help them out, with the consent of the parents or in the case of Harry, his wardens. I have talked to all parents and they all are glad I am helping them and their children." "But why did you, a grown-up, let two boys sleep in your bed, at least tonight? And please don't come up with the story they wanted it themselves! You are the grown-up, you are responsible for them and for their welfare as long as they are in your house. And you certainly KNOW that society doesn't exactly approve of strangers sleeping with little children in the same bed... Another thing: why do you call those boys MY boys? They are not your property. They are nothing to you. You aren't their father or their warden, you are NOTHING to them. You are just a stranger who seems to be attracted to vulnerable little boys. And our society protects those boys from men like you. This time we can't prove you did anything improper with them; and we are going to make sure there will not be another time! You will have to get your rocks off on somebody that's your own age and not on little children. The prosecutor ordered us to hand over the little gypsy to a juvenile home where they will give him proper guidance to overcome all troubles he got into. The other boy will go back to his mother who now is living in another town. We already phoned her. And you sir, we will have a very close eye on you! The very moment a little child enters your house we will arrest you, so be prepared. That's it, for now you are free to go. We will guide you to the exit." Both officers stood up and without another word guided me to the exit. The door closed behind me and there I was... in a strange village where I only lived for a few days and I had no idea where I was now. I started to walk hoping to find something familiar, totally numb and even incapable of thinking or feeling. Everything was a blur. I even couldn't remember what those officers told me. There was only one feeling that was pounding through my chest: I had lost my soul mate. I walked and walked and eventually I recognized the surroundings. Ten minutes later I was home. But home was no longer home. It felt more like a prison. Where were my boys? I slumped down on the couch and suddenly everything went black... ------- I want to share with you an email I got from one of my special friends, together with our answers... Hello Jasper, Thursday, May 5, 2005, 4:12:29 AM, you wrote: > I just want you to know I understand all about Harry. I got burned > really bad 3 years ago when I was 11. it was a house fire and our > house burned down. The firemen found me on my bed and got me to the > hospital. My mom and dad didn't get out the fire just I did. I was > not burned on my face so I don't look like Harry do. I got bad burns > on my belly and back and legs and arms. Everyone still looks at me > like I am a freak. I don't care what they say, I am still alive and can > still do a lot things just my skin don't look very good. It hurts > that they look at me like that, I wish they did not do that. I > really like to read your story. Don't be mad that I go in nifty and > read. Some the stories is good. I don't know if I gay or not but I > got a friend that like John. He really likes me a lot and he don't > care that I look how I do. Some times we been naked too but we don't > do nothing really bad. I just want you to know that you make Harry > in the story the same way I feel some times and I just wonder if > you got burned to. Please keep writing more ok. Thanks Jasper for sharing your story. I read what you wrote and how you are writing, and I think you too really are a wonderful person with a lot of love in your heart! Sometimes life does incomprehensible things to people and you never get an answer to your question: "Why?" In my story Jack tells little Harry: "It isn't important how you look, but who you are!" He also tells him: "ALWAYS be proud of yourself!" Perhaps you do look like a freak, but so what? You can't change that. The only thing you can change is how you ARE. May I tell you a little secret? Everyone is curious, that's in the human nature. When we see something strange or different, we LOOK at it. Your body looks different, so people LOOK at you. SO WHAT? Smile back!!! A smile is a wonderful thing, it's melting feelings. When you smile, people want to be your friend. They do no longer look at your clothes or at your body, but they start looking into your eyes. Give it a try... Another secret most people don't understand: nobody can HURT you. The only thing other people can do is LOOK at you. The 'hurt' is not something mysterious that's radiating from the other to you... being hurt is a choice you are making YOURSELF! You can choose to be 'hurt' but you also can make another choice. For example you can choose to be mad at the other, or delighted by all the attention you get, or be proud of yourself... 'hurt' is not a very clever choice you are making! Proudness can be a much better choice. Think this over for a while, and try it out the next time someone is looking at you... you are never the victim of your own feelings, just force yourself to make another choice. What did Jack tell little Harry? "Nothing is bad unless you FEEL it is bad." Keep this in mind when you are together with your friend. Don't let 'society' spoil YOUR fun... and your sexual behaviour is only a small part of your being. Don't make it too important! That's what society tries to do. No Jasper, I am not burnt on my body, like little Harry and you. But I do have burning scars in my soul... so I can imagine how other people feel. That's part of why I am writing this story. I am retired and divorced, just like big Harry in my story, and I do have two wonderful daughters and unfortunately no grandchildren. Only my profession is a different one, I am working as a psychotherapist and helping people... Thank you for writing me and reading my answer. Give your friend a big hug from me! I wish I could give you a hug in reality, but I am imagining I am giving you one now. A very big one. I wish you a deep and profound peace in your heart! Big Harry. thank you i feel so stupid for not thinking like you just write to me. i let the people hurt me when they look at me and i didnt think about what you just tell me here. i have read this 5 times and now i feel a lot better. you right they cant hurt me they just looking. why has no one tell me this befor. thank you very much i going save this and when i feel bad i going to read it again. thanks i love you for helping me Jasper Please send your comments (or hints how to go on) to my mailbox: mailto:harry@hadjo.nl and thank you very much for reading my first story in the English language. My native language is Dutch (Nederlands) and I am living in The Netherlands.