Date: Mon, 11 Apr 2005 18:31:12 +0200 From: hadjo Subject: Harry-3 English is not my native language, so please have some consideration... Chapter 2 ended with: Half an hour later suddenly the bell rang again. Outside the house stood six little children. The five I already knew from yesterday; and a very small sixth one shyly hiding behind them... Chapter 3. "What a pleasant surprise!" I exclaimed, "please come in all of you and I'll have you something to drink." I turned around and slowly went back to the kitchen. In the front garden I could hear some whispering deliberations. After a while one by one all six children hesitantly entered the house and followed me, while I collected a couple of folding chairs from the hallway cupboard that I fortunately bought a couple of years ago just for the occasion. There we were. Seven chairs set around the table, me in front and six huddling children in a corner of the kitchen. I had a good look at five of them and barely could detect the sixth one... but at least he was in the house! John stood in front of the huddle, looking very proud. Next to John was his friend Thomas, slightly leaning against John as if he looked for some protection. Behind them were Mark and Chrissy giggling and pushing each other. In the farthest corner Marrie had her arms around a small person trying to hide himself from my view. Now I could see at least he had 'normal' hair, of a very light brownish color. Fortunately he didn't look too much like my little brother Joshie who had lost all of his hair in the fire and was completely bald... "Please get yourself something to drink and have a sit," I told them while I pointed to the fridge. I got a couple of drinking glasses and put them on the table. John was the first one who moved to the fridge and he took the milk with him to the table. He settled himself down, poured himself a glass of milk and beckoned Thomas to join him. There was the second one hesitantly nearing the table... "What do you want for drink? Milk, hot chocolate or tea?" I asked him while trying to look at all of them at once. Thomas chose for hot chocolate milk so I took the milk with me, went to the stove and pored some milk in a small saucepan. When I turned around Mark and Chrissy had already joined the two boys; Marrie was approaching the table with a struggling and very frightened small boy in her arms, desperately looking up to me... The first things catching my attention were two very bright deep blue eyes. I could have drown in them! Really totally fascinating eyes. They radiated a lot of intelligence, a lot of power and a lot of sadness all in one. His eyes captivated me the very moment I saw them and I was overwhelmed with an intense feeling of compassion and love for this so frightened little fellow. I sank onto one knee to get on level with him and invitingly opened my arms. "Hi!" I told him, "you must be Harry? I am glad you are joining my friends. May I have a hug please?" Suddenly his whole face seemed to brighten and his wonderful eyes started to beam. Slowly he left Marrie and with some trepidation he started to approach me. There he was! Cautiously he took step after step until at last I could touch him. Carefully I took him into my arms and without thinking I kissed him on the forehead. He kissed me back! For a moment two severely damaged small lips tenderly touched mine. Suddenly tears formed in his beautiful eyes. He started to sob and I took him with me to a chair and turned him around onto my lap. All of the sudden he looked up to me with a lot of fear in his eyes and he desperately tried to get away. "Noooooo...!" he screamed and he fought himself free. He stumbled out of the kitchen and rushed out of the house, leaving the door open. Leaving me and the children confused and in horror. For heaven's sake, what happened? I looked at John but he was as bewildered as the rest of us... what was the problem? "Shall I go after him and get him back?" he asked me after a while with fear in his eyes. "I don't know..." I hesitantly answered, "No, I don't think that is a good idea. But you might ask him what's the trouble, for I really don't have the slightest idea what went wrong! Why did he run away like that and all of the sudden? What happened to him?" "Come on, let's ask him..." John said and all five children stood up and rushed out of the door. I slumped back onto one of the chairs. What went wrong? What did I do wrong? Did I do something wrong? Or happened something without me seeing it? But what? I tried to relive what happened from the beginning, when the six children stood there in the front garden. Five of the children were clearly visible for me, one was hiding himself behind the rest. Little Harry obviously didn't feel at ease... Was I wrong in leaving them alone to decide for themselves to enter the house or not? I thought it would help them to feel less threatened. If they were free to enter the house voluntary, they were also free to leave the house if they wished so... but they all came in after a while, even little Harry, so that didn't look like a real problem. What happened after the boys took a seat at the table and Marrie pushed little Harry forward to me? He couldn't hide himself any more and was clearly very frightened. Why was he so frightened? Was he afraid of me? Or was he afraid of being rejected by me? Of course he was! Nearly everyone else rejected him and called him a freak and an alien... Now I recalled his face, distorted by a couple of scars and several red marks of the fire. Half of his nose was gone and his nostrils were way too big for his face. One side of his mouth was fairly normal, the other side was shriveled with rather distorted lips and one side was much lower than the other side. He really WAS a freaky sight for every other person who wasn't used to having a severely burnt little brother around... I remembered I opened my arms and invited him for a hug; and he really approached me! His face lightened up and his eyes started to radiate. He was clearly still very nervous but he let himself go and he melted into my arms. So far everything seemed to go extremely well. Then I kissed him on the forehead without thinking, as I so often did with my little brother... was that my error? But that couldn't be wrong for he kissed me back! He tilted his head, looked into my eyes and touched my lips with his own lips for at least three seconds. After that he suddenly started to sob. Why? At that moment I thought his emotions were too much for him; but was I right in my assumption? I took him with me the two steps to the table and lifted him onto my lap, carefully turning him around to face the others. And all of the sudden he screamed, started to fight himself free and he disappeared... what did I do wrong? He screamed after I turned him around. Was that the problem? Didn't he WANT to be turned around by me? Suddenly I discovered something. That wasn't HIS decision but MINE. I didn't ask what HE wanted! Was that the problem? I went to the porch outside the house hoping to see any of the children, but everything was very quiet. Even in the corner of the backyard there was no motion at all. Where went everybody? Where was that poor little fellow? I started to think again. How well my little brother and me went together. How peaceful everything seemed to be. SEEMED to be... but was it? What color were Joshie's eyes? I thought it was brown, like my own eyes, but I wasn't sure at all. Did I really never look into his eyes? Did I ever really speak with him? Speak TO him, yes. "Time to go to bed Josh..." and he went. "Don't forget to shower!" and he showered. But speak WITH him? Slowly I realized I even didn't KNOW Josh. As a small boy I bathed him, I dried him, I tickled him and he laughed, I put on his night suit and sometimes I laughed at his little pecker when it went stiff all of the sudden. But that was all contact I ever maintained with my little brother. I was so used to have him around that I often even didn't realize he was there. For he was always there, silent and in harmony it seemed. The only time he seemed to NEED me was when the weather suddenly changed and the thunder sounded. That made him silently crawl into my bed and sleep with me for the rest of the night. But I even couldn't remember ever putting my arm around him... Was I really so egoistic? Even after he put himself on fire I never asked HIM what he wanted. I had to take him with me everywhere and I did, but was that what HE wanted? I just took him with me... Of course he couldn't speak any more, but certainly his eyes could have told me something but I never looked into them... I started to sob. I know I kissed him every time he came to me but that was what I always did, what I was used to. And I had the feeling I really loved him as my little brother, but who did I love? I didn't even know him... why did I never look into his eyes and see who he really was or what HE wanted? Why did I never ask him? The sun was settling down and I went into the house, still sobbing. I got something precooked from the fridge and put it in the magnetron. After a while I started to eat but it tasted like rubber or something like that. I forced myself to eat at least a little bit and threw the rest in the container. The coffee tasted like sewage. I settled down onto the couch in the living room and forced myself to contemplate on who I REALLY was. Sixty-five years of wasted life, never really listening to my wife or to my children, always doing what I thought they wished but never asking THEM... Joshie didn't seem to need me, my parents were too busy with themselves, my wife never complained, my two daughters both went their own way... All of the sudden there is a little boy in my life that NEEDS me! And I am making the same mistake, again assuming things, again NOT asking him or even listening to what HE has to tell. I am such a selfish loser... Slowly I drifted off until I was no longer aware of my surroundings. It was very peaceful, as if part of me went to heaven. There was a very bright light, not from the sun but shining everywhere. And all I could feel was love and compassion, really understanding. Someone touched my shoulder in a very reassuring way and when I looked up I saw Jack standing there with a knowing smile on his face. "Do you understand now?" he asked me with a soft voice, seemingly coming from within my head. I nodded and tears were streaming down my face. So much love, so much compassion... "You need him too!" Jack continued, "both of you are learning from each other. Don't be afraid, you didn't make a mistake and he will come back. Just be yourself and love him..." His voice drifted off and the light vanished, leaving me on the couch with tears in my eyes. ------- Chapter 4 will follow shortly. I REALLY love my fanmail! But it's too much to answer all of you; so I will answer only some mails in private. To all the others: many thanks for your kind and supporting words! I really love you, all of you. Where's that hug-smilie? Some excerpts from emails I received: * To be a story teller is a gift.... you have the gift. I look forward to reading all you write. * You have just started a wonderful well balanced story. Do not worry about the language - You do fine there, but please keep the story as deep and proper as you have started and you will end up with a masterpiece in this genre. * You've really touched my heart with this tender, gripping tale, and I have the feeling it's only going to get better and better as it progresses, and as Big Harry learns to know Little Harry. What amazing kids that bunch of neighbor children are! John is such a little man, so mature already, and I absolutely adore the way they have taken the poor little gypsy boy into their hearts and lives. Jack must have been an amazing man, and I have the feeling Harry is just as wonderful. * The person who wrote to you about your English was 100% correct. You do amazingly well with the language. I know it's not easy to write in a foreign language, and English is one of the more difficult ones. Congratulations on your success with it! * Just read your second chapter and must tell you that it has brought many tears to my eyes. I don't think you need any suggestion on how to continue as you seem to have a gift to write from the heart. * a great story comes from the imagination and the heart, not from perfect grammar and punctuation! don't worry, your english is just fine. good luck and keep on writing. * What a truly wonderful story here. I can't wait to read each chapter. As a fellow author your story is sweet and caring. Now I am blushing too much to go on... Hugs and many, many thanks to all of you! Please send your comments (or hints how to go on) to my mailbox: mailto:harry@hadjo.nl and thank you very much for reading my first story in the English language. My native language is Dutch (Nederlands) and I am living in Holland.