Date: Wed, 13 Apr 2005 01:41:25 +0200 From: hadjo Subject: Harry-4 English is not my native language, so please have some consideration... Chapter 3 ended with: I nodded and tears were streaming down my face. So much love, so much compassion... "You need him too!" Jack continued, "both of you are learning from each other. Don't be afraid, you didn't make a mistake and he will come back. Just be yourself and love him..." His voice drifted off and the light vanished, leaving me on the couch with tears in my eyes. Chapter 4. The doorbell suddenly rang and I jumped up to the ceiling! My heart tried to jump out of my chest too. What time was it? Who would pay me a visit that time in the evening? I took a couple of deep breaths to regain my composure but that didn't help at all, the only thing that happened was that now I became dizzy too... I stumbled to the door and opened it. Outside stood a very tired looking John with a rather sad face: "May I come in for a moment please?" "Be my guest," I answered and beckoned him to the living room. He sat himself down next to me on the coach and started to cry. I put an arm around him and he melted into me. "Harry doesn't believe me any more!" he cried into my arms, "I told him you really didn't freak out on him, but he just will not listen." "Ssh ssh..." I comforted him, "everything will end up well. Don't make it your problem!" After a couple of minutes John straightened his back and started to tell me the whole story of that day. How in the afternoon they eventually convinced Harry that I would accept him just as he was, that I was already used to a small boy with a burnt face because of my own little brother who was about the same age, and that I myself had asked John and the children to please bring him with them! After a while Harry hesitantly decided to give it a chance. And that's how I found them in my front garden, all five of them still trying to convince little Harry that I really was OK. And then he freaked out for the second time and ran away again... After some pushing little Harry hesitantly told John that he really felt delighted when big Harry asked him for a hug; but he also was still very nervous and still very afraid of being rejected once Harry really looked at his crippled face. And then big Harry suddenly KISSED him! Everything in him melted and all of the sudden he felt wonderful! Big Harry accepted him just as Jack did from the beginning. He could trust Harry! He had a new Big Friend! Then he made a big mistake. He let his feelings take over and he kissed his new friend back... and his friend didn't react. He didn't kiss him back on the lips for he was too disgusted by those crippled things suddenly touching his mouth. He just took him to the table without saying a word and sat him on his lap and turned him around, away from his face, so that he didn't need to look at those awful scars and those red marks and those shriveled lips... John broke together again and cried his heart out; this time accompanied by me. Desperately he put his arms around me and I put my own arms around him and so we sat together on the couch for a very long time, both sobbing and comforting each other. Why didn't I look for what little Harry REALLY needed this afternoon, instead of simply assuming I did the right thing for him? How awfully wrong everything went after that. What a lot of misunderstanding! How could I ever explain this to little Harry, supposed he had the courage to come back after this disappointment? There was another thing that suddenly struck me: what an enormous lot of responsibility was I taking onto my shoulders by letting this so vulnerable child enter my life. Not only his body is damaged, but his soul is damaged too! I had to be really very careful with him and with everything I did or said to him. And I had to start right NOW. "Is Harry already in bed?" I asked John. "No," John answered, "he was sitting on the couch with my father and with Marrie. My father told me not to make this conversation too long, so I think I have to go back now..." "Is it OK for you if I'm going with you?" I asked with some hesitancy. His face brightened: "That would be wonderful!" I put on my shoes and we both went to the kitchen to wash our faces. Suddenly we looked at each other and at the same time our faces neared and we kissed. Nothing special, just a peck on the lips, but it felt wonderful for both of us, as if we sealed our friendship. We both grinned at each other and hugged for a few seconds. "Thank you my friend!" I told him. "Thank you too!" he answered with a smile from ear to ear. He took my hand and piloted me to his house, five doors away in the same street. "That's where Thomas and Chrissy are living," he pointed to the fourth house we passed. "We are neighbors. Harry always walks to them and to Jack's house via the backyards." John took the key out of his pocket, opened the door and we entered the house. Soft music was playing somewhere in the background and the house very lightly smelled of incense. It made me feel welcomed. John took me to the living room and we entered the dimly lighted room, John first. Harry was lying stretched out on the ground playing some game of cards with Marrie and Mark. He looked up to me and his eyes suddenly showed a lot of fear. But he didn't look away and he held my gaze! "Hi my friend!" I said with some trepidation, "it's nice to see you again. Can I give you the kiss back now you offered me this afternoon?" and I stretched my arms out just like I did before. I could feel his eyes burn into me. I really felt them search my soul for the truth. Was I sincere? Could he trust me? Suddenly his eyes brightened. Slowly he stood up and he approached me with his hands outstretched. "I'm sorry..." he said and then he leapt into my arms, burying his face into my chest. Never in my life I had cried so much as today, and now Harry cried with me; but this time our tears were tears of joy. We had found each other. I have no idea how long we stood there, melting into each other, rubbing our faces together, looking into each others eyes, grinning like crazy, and at last: kissing each other. Really kissing, he kissed me and I kissed him back. Small pecks on the lips, but it felt like coming home. I had found my eight years old soul mate! After I don't know how long I carefully put him down and looked around. Mark was lying on the ground with his mouth wide open, and did I read some jealousy in his eyes? Marrie sat next to Mark with tears in her eyes and softly sniffing. John stood on my left side, nearly touching us, also with tears in his eyes and yes, he definitely looked PROUD. On the couch sat a woman I hadn't met before, she also had tears in her eyes and a handkerchief in her hands. She looked first at little Harry and then at me, and her eyes radiated understanding. In an armchair a tall man was sitting, nervously smoking a cigarette. His eyes drifted from Harry to me to his wife to his children and back to Harry and me; and he clearly was not at ease with this situation. I draped my left arm around Harry and approached the woman. "Sorry for invading your house like this," I apologized, "but I thought it was the best thing I could do to help our little friend over here." I ruffled his hair and he looked up to me with adoration in his eyes. He melted into me even further. "Please call me Trudy," she answered, "and I am so glad you are here! We were really at a loss today and we didn't know what to do to help Harry out of his desperation. Even the children couldn't reach him any more. They talked and talked with him but he just didn't listen and kept on crying. There was even a moment I was angry at you for bringing him into this situation..." She shamefully looked up to me and wiped her eyes with the handkerchief. "That's not fair! It wasn't Harry's fault!" John suddenly interrupted, "he did the best thing he could, and nobody could even imagine what little Harry was thinking or why he was freaking out again all of the sudden!" His eyes shot daggers at his mother and he balled his fists in frustration. Two, three seconds passed and then little Harry pushed my arm away and straightened his shoulders. He turned around and faced John with an astonishing proudness in his posture. "NO John!" he calmly said, "you can impossible know why I freaked out. You are not a gipsy with a crippled body and a freaky face. They never point at you and they don't laugh at you on the streets. You don't have to hide yourself and you don't have to go to your friends via the backyard. You can impossible know what I am feeling every day and why I am so shy and so frightened. You just can't feel my pain and my fear..." He threw his small arms around John and held him for a few moments. After that he returned to me, took my left arm and draped it over his shoulders. He melted into me again and at that moment I could FEEL his power. Wow, what a boy! And I thought I had to protect HIM? I looked down and he looked up to me. I saw a fair hint of proudness in his eyes but also a small boy asking for approval. Did i do the right thing? I smiled at him and ruffled his hair and his eyes lit up again. It felt like a conversation without words... "Boys, girl, time to go to bed!" the man in the armchair suddenly announced, looking at the clock on the wall. He put out his cigarette and stood up from his chair. "Come on, go to bed, all of you! NOW!" "Harry?" little Harry looked up to me, "can I sleep with you tonight?" "Yes dad!" John immediately interrupted, "that's a good idea! At least tonight I can have my own room back!" He looked at me furtively. Did I understand the hidden meaning behind his words? Of course I did. I winked at him and his face brightened up. We understood each other... "Well..." dad answered, "I am not so sure. First I will have a talk with Harry and after that we shall see." "Do you wake me up when you are going home?" Harry asked me with a little hint of fear in his voice. "Yes, I promise!" I answered him and he slowly left me and followed the rest out of the room. "Sorry, I didn't introduce myself, yet," dad told me with a hint of sarcasm, "but my name is Eric." He extended his hand and I shook it. It was quite the opposite of a 'firm grip'... I had to be very careful with this man. He would do everything to 'prove his right' even when he was wrong. How could a man like this breed a boy like John? He motioned me to the other armchair and I sat down. "Do you want coffee?" "Yes please, with no milk and a little bit of sugar." Trudy went to the kitchen and Eric started to inquire me. It wasn't a very pleasant conversation. Eric told me how neighbor Jack was found by his children and their friends, crying like a baby, and they brought him home with them like a straypuppy. He seemed very charmed by some gipsy boy who had been in hospital and now was delivered to the children's institute. He had nothing to do with this but his wife insisted on them taking the boy so he could live with that Jack. But now the boy was in his custody and he was now responsible for where the boy lived and especially where he was sleeping of course! Sleeping with Jack was no problem for he and Jack seemed to know each other very well and he had his own room in Jack's house, but I was a stranger to the boy and he didn't know me and of course people would talk again... and he didn't like that cuddling and that kissing between me, a stranger, and the boy. Who was I? Was I married? Did I have children of my own? I was perplexed. What kind of interrogation was this? I thought about leaving and slamming the door. But then I would loose my newly found little friends and that was the last thing I wanted... "I am divorced a few years ago and I have two children of my own..." I started to defend myself. Suddenly Trudy interrupted with a furious look at Eric. "John likes Harry. In fact he likes him very much! And you should KNOW that John is a very good judge of character, unlike you my dear! You are always criticizing people and belittling them. But I have enough of that. I trust Harry because our John trusts him, and little Harry really loves him! Little Harry is free to go where he wants to go, and my other children are allowed to go to Harry whenever they want too. And from this very moment YOU shut up!" She took her place on the coach and broadly smiled at me. "Go get him, he is all yours. I know he belongs to you. Tomorrow we will help you to install his room if you wish, and the children will again help with the transport of his belongings like two months ago. It is very clear that you and he already love each other. Harry needs you and I think you need that little boy as much..." She pointed to the stairs in the hallway. "Second door to the left and his clothes are on his chair. Do you need any help with clothing?" I shook my head and climbed the stairs to John's room. Second door to the left... It was dark in the room so I clicked the light on. There were two beds, in both of them was a little boy sleeping. John was curled up like a ball, his head just above the blankets and lightly snoring. Harry was lying on his back, his so damaged face resting peaceful on a pillow. He had thrown the blankets back to his belly and a moment I was in shock. My little brother was only burnt in his face and his throat, but this boy seemed to be burnt everywhere! Raw stripes showed on his chest in three different colors, together with scars of operations and some wild flesh. In some places his ribs were showing through the skin and in some way everything seemed to be too tight. I could imagine a lot of operations were needed in the future! How was his abdomen? Carefully I lifted the blankets and there was a very naked boy. His belly seemed less affected by the fire but his right hip was a real mess of flesh and scars in all different colors. His little pecker looked weird, as if in some places the skin was too tight and in other places there was too much skin. I was not sure whether he was circumcised or not, for the fire had caused too much damage. His left leg seemed OK, but his right leg was a real mess too. What a drama! "Harry..." I called his name and very slowly he opened his eyes. A broad smile told me he recognized me and lazy he stretched his arms out. Carefully I took him in my arms and lifted him on my lap. "Am I going to live with you now?" he asked, yawning. "If you will..." I answered, looking at him with some trepidation. "Of course silly!" he answered and he jumped off my lap towards his clothes. I helped him with clothing and now and then a little kiss. He told me he slept in the nude because his scars were too painful and they started itching after a couple of hours. Jack always massaged him with some oil and that helped, but John didn't know where the bottle was. He could only wear underwear that was two sizes too big for him but that was no problem for he already was used to that. Normal underwear itched too much after a while. I had never heard him so talkative and I was delighted! He seemed to be a very bright conversationalist. When I asked a question he first thought for a moment and then always came back with a really intelligent answer. My boy seemed to be a very talented boy! I lifted him on my shoulders and we went downstairs. Eric seemed to have left the room and Trudy had tears in her eyes. She hugged Harry and told him he was a very lucky boy. "Yes, I certainly am!" he answered, beaming. I took him with me to my house. Sorry, to OUR house now. ------- Chapter five will follow. Please send your comments (or hints how to go on) to my mailbox: mailto:harry@hadjo.nl and thank you very much for reading my first story in the English language. My native language is Dutch (Nederlands) and I am living in Holland.