Date: Sat, 31 Dec 2005 11:05:30 +0100 From: Harry Anders Subject: Little-Harrys-Life-7 This is the sequel from my first book 'Little Harry', and I strongly commend you to read book one first! Thus you will enjoy book two even more. You may find book one on Nifty, or you may visit my new SITE: http://www.harryanders.com and read the elaborated book from there (recommended!). 'Little Harry's Life' >by Harry AnderS, the author of 'Little Harry'< Chapter 7. Meeting Big Harry, and a new Big Friend. The next morning I remembered my dream, but couldn't really believe it. Yet I felt a bit more at ease now, as if somehow Jack's death was less important to me. My friends wanted me to accompany them, but I refused. I sneaked into my secluded spot in the bushes, to observe Jack's and my old house. For a long time nothing happened, except for the neighbour's cat that decided to accompany me for a while, purring loudly. At last the same car I had seen before stopped at the gate. The same tall grandpa got out, opened the gate, and drove his car into the driveway. He turned around and closed the gate. Why did he do that? Didn't he plan to leave in a while? Was HE going to live here? Grandpa climbed the steps to the porch, got a key out of his pocket, and opened the front door. He disappeared into the house, and carefully closed the door behind him. A moment later I saw him appear in the kitchen, get a coffee machine from one of the cardboard boxes, and brew himself a cup of coffee. He took the coffee to the living room and sat down on the couch, approvingly looking around. He WAS going to live here! I observed him for a long time. I saw him going upstairs carrying a few boxes, walking around while putting small thingies everywhere, apply a few pictures to the walls, and he seemed to have a computer that he installed on the wooden desk in the living room without switching it on. At one o'clock Trudy called us, and I sneaked back to John's house to eat and drink something healthy. Half an hour later I was back, and resumed my place. John and the other children were playing hide and seek in the neighbourhood, and now and then I heard them yell and laugh. Grandpa was still busy installing things and opening cardboard boxes. At two o'clock the front door suddenly opened. Grandpa brought a folding chair and a cup of coffee to the porch, sat down, and sipped his coffee. Apparently he was addicted to it! He looked around for a while, closed his eyes, and obviously fell asleep. Lazy slacker! My friends reappeared in the street, still playing hide and tag, but now furtively looking at the sleeping stranger on the porch. Grandpa seemed to hear them, and lazily opened his eyes to look around. He smiled at the children, and at that moment my heart suddenly leapt in my chest... He had a friendly and lovable smile; and a joyful twinkling in his eyes that told me he liked children. All at once he looked a lot younger, and I couldn't understand why I had nicknamed him a 'grandpa' before. I craned my neck to have a better look. My friends saw that the stranger was awake; and curiously huddled together, leaning against the gate. Suddenly the gate squeaked and opened, and they tumbled into the driveway, stumbling over each other with shocked faces. I couldn't help it, but started to laugh at the comical sight. The friendly man started to laugh too, and again my heart jumped in my chest. He had a beautiful laugh, sounding from deep within. I could fall in love with that laugh! And I felt something else too: a deep longing to be with that man. How strange... John looked in my direction, but he didn't see me. Of course not, that's why he always told me I was very good at spying! John seemed to ask Thomas something, and Thomas shrugged his shoulders. Now the man said something, and the children looked shocked. What did he say? Chrissy seemed to giggle a bit, and the man lifted his hands, as in surrender. Thomas climbed the steps to the porch, hesitantly followed by the other children. They surrounded the man, and I craned my neck to see more. They seemed to speak to each other, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. What were they talking about? Suddenly John threw himself at the man and buried his face in the man's chest. Obviously he was crying. What had happened? Why was John crying, and why did he sit on the lap of this total stranger? Did that man hurt John? I couldn't believe that... Now John followed the man into the house. They returned with a tray and glasses, and everybody settled down on the floor. They sipped what was in the glasses, and seemed to talk to each other for a long time. All of a sudden the man rose from his chair, looking very pale. He wavered to the door, entered the house, and closed the door behind. What had suddenly happened? How strange! After a while the children silently left the porch and disappeared somewhere into the neighbourhood, while I waited for what would happen next... I saw the man enter the living room and kick a chair; that fell down. He sat down on the couch with his head in his hands for a long time. At last he disappeared, but soon reappeared outside. He looked around, obviously looking for the children, but they were gone. At last he sat down on the folding chair, and closed his eyes. I sneaked a little bit nearer in the bushes, and waited... After a while the man opened his eyes, and looked around. Suddenly he looked directly at where I was! I froze, and tried to be as immobile as possible. That helped, after a few seconds the man looked away again. I tried to move backwards, slowly, as quietly as possible. In vain, because the man saw me again, and this time he smiled and waved at me! In a sudden panic I fled away; hurrying to John's house, where I slumped down on my bed, crying my heart out but I had no idea why I cried. Later on that day John entered his room, and saw me on my bed with red and swollen eyes. He threw his arms around my shoulders, and held me close: "What are you crying for, my little brother? What has happened?" I tried to speak, but couldn't find the words to tell John what had happened, and fortunately John didn't push me. He helped me wash my face, and together we went downstairs to have dinner. Trudy looked at me with a questioning face, but didn't say a word. Mark and Marrie were teasing each other and giggling, as usual when Eric wasn't home and they felt relieved. We never knew whether Eric would join us for dinner or not. I went to bed early, and waited there for John. I didn't have to wait for long, as John seemed to feel I needed him that evening. We showered together, and dived under the blankets; where I crawled into his safe arms. Seemingly John needed me too, because he started to whisper: "I want to tell you something... There's a new man living in Jack's house, and I've met him today. Somehow I trusted him, and I told him everything about you. He promised us you would always be welcome in his house, but at that moment he didn't know your face was burnt too. When I told him some people are calling you a 'freak' and an 'alien', he suddenly left us and went inside without even saying goodbye..." "Yeah, I saw that, but first you started to cry on his lap. Why did you do that?" "Did you spy on us? You little bugger! Well... I think it's because I trusted him. He was so fatherly. He made me feel so... so safe. As if he could be Jack's older brother... and I also needed the crying, I think. Afterwards I felt much better, as if some burden was lifted off my shoulders. I think you're not the only one who misses Jack and needs a grown-up in his life..." I comforted John until he dried his eyes, and now it was my turn: "Now I want to tell you why I was crying this afternoon. The man returned after you left, and he saw me in the backyard sneaking through the bushes. I couldn't hide fast enough, and then he smiled at me and waved..." "Why didn't you wave back at him, and perhaps even speak to him? You already knew he's a nice man..." "I was too scared... He hadn't seen my face, and I was so terribly afraid he would chase me away... I don't want to be disappointed again. Perhaps he doesn't like freaky little boys... I will have to wait until next week, when the hospital tries to give me an artifi... artisomething new nose and lips. But I'm very scared to go there without Jack. I don't want to go there with your father either! I think Eric hates me..." "Yeah, I know. By the way, the first name of that man is Harry, just like your first name! He's called 'Harry AnderS'. I wish I knew why he went into his house all of a sudden... perhaps he was mad at us; but for what? What did we do wrong?" "I don't know, but there's another thing I want to tell you. Please don't laugh, but it's as if I can feel Jack around me sometimes. Last night I even dreamed that he told me my solitude will come to an end; and he approves of the new owner of his house. Do you think I'm a lunatic?" "I don't know... but let's have some sleep. Tomorrow I will try to contact Big Harry again, and ask him what was the matter..." "Okay, that could be a good idea. Goodnight!" "Sleep well, little brother, and maybe you will dream of Jack again. I wish I did..." The next morning John went to Jack's old house; to have a talk with the new owner, Big Harry. He was very nervous, but had promised me he would go; and for that matter John was absolutely trustworthy. A promise was a promise! I went outside; and sneaked through the bushes to Jack's backyard, from where I had an excellent view of the house. I saw John enter the kitchen and sit down at the kitchen table. A moment later he seemed to go to the fridge and take something from there, while Big Harry used his coffee machine. Then Big Harry talked for a long time, until suddenly John stood up and threw his arms around Big Harry's neck... A pang of jealousy pained my heart, and I wished I was there to cuddle with Big Harry, but I didn't understand why. Why did I feel so attracted to that old grandpa? It even felt as if we were connected to each other, as if we BELONGED to each other. But why? How strange... Again they talked for quite a while, and again they cuddled for a long time; until at last John left the house, looking relieved. I hurried back, went to John's living room, and waited. Fifteen minutes later all the children entered the house, and looked for me: "There you are! Are you coming with us? We're invited to Big Harry's house." Again I was very unsure. What if Big Harry saw my so distorted face and walked away again, as he did yesterday? "I don't know... maybe you better go without me..." John went to me, and tenderly took me onto his lap: "I had a long talk with Big Harry. He told me he had a severely burnt little brother himself, called Joshie. That's why he left us yesterday. He had to get used to the idea of meeting another burnt boy first. You don't have to be afraid, because he is USED to a boy with a distorted face. And there's another thing: Big Harry also felt Jack around! Big Harry asked me to tell you this first, and then bring you with me to his house. Big Harry accepts you as you are, and he really cares about you. Are you coming with us? He's waiting for you..." "Well... if you are really sure... but I have to put on some other clothes first. Look, my trousers are stained from the wet ground." John helped me with my trousers, and together we went outside; where the other children impatiently waited for us. Marrie took my hand and John took my other hand, and in procession we went to Jack's house... oops, we went to Big Harry's new house. We waited on the porch, while John rang the doorbell and I tried to hide myself behind the huddle. Marrie tried to push me forward, but I struggled until finally she let me alone. The front door opened, and Big Harry appeared in the doorway showing a warm and inviting smile: "What a pleasant surprise! Please come in, and perhaps I can offer you something to drink?" He had a pleasant and warming voice that made me feel mushy all over, as if we already were the best of friends. He disappeared into the house without paying me any special attention, and we all followed him to the kitchen. I felt strange, entering the same house I had been living in for about two years; now with some other pictures on the walls and different carpeting on the floor. The kitchen roughly looked the same, but now held a bigger fridge and a different kitchen table. Even the smell was different. We huddled together in a corner of the kitchen, and again I tried to hide myself while Marrie tried to push me forward. Big Harry put a couple of folding chairs around the kitchen table, and beckoned us over: "Please sit down, and I will get you something to drink. What would you like: milk, hot chocolate milk, or tea?" John went to the fridge, and brought the milk with him to the table. Soon Thomas joined him and asked for hot chocolate milk. Mark and Chrissy went to the table, and suddenly I felt very naked and vulnerable while Marrie pushed me forward to the table. What if Big Harry saw me now? What if he didn't accept me when he saw my crippled face, or didn't like me? I started to tremble all over. Suddenly Big Harry looked straight into my eyes, sank onto his knees, and opened his arms: "Hi, you must be Harry? I'm pleased you are joining my friends. May I have a hug, please?" I was shocked, and stared at him in wonder. Did he really mean that? Why didn't he react the same as all the others that saw my face for the first time, averting their eyes and acting shy, or acting like they weren't bothered at all? I looked into his beautiful brown eyes, and he was totally open to me. I could read him as an open book, and even see his soul. Now I knew I could trust this man. He really cared for me. His eyes radiated love and compassion, and respect. He would never harm me. I left Marrie and neared him, slowly and still trembling. He didn't avert his eyes and patiently waited for me. I approached him until he could touch me, and stopped. Slowly he closed his arms around me, and gently pulled me into a hug. Immediately I felt absolutely safe, and let myself go. Then he KISSED me, as Jack always used to do. Only Jack always kissed my nose, and Big Harry kissed my forehead. Now I was sure: I had found a new Big Friend. I let myself melt into him and closed my eyes, marvelling in the feeling I had missed so terribly. I sighed a few times while I melted into him even further. I was totally happy. I HAD FOUND A NEW BIG FRIEND! Wonderful feelings of love and trust overwhelmed me. I KNEW this man, I was absolutely sure. I had been in those warm and safe arms many, many times before. He felt different from Jack, as if Jack was my very best friend, and this man was... my father. Now I felt totally overwhelmed. I tilted my head and kissed him on the lips, eagerly, as if I wanted to seal our beautiful love and friendship. He froze and didn't react... and I could feel he was severely shocked and retreated into himself. Oh my God... what had I done? He didn't accept me, because now he was too disgusted by my shrivelled and distorted lips that suddenly touched his mouth... I started to cry. He rose, lifted me from the floor, and carried me to the kitchen table. There he sat down, and sat me onto his knees. He turned me around to face the others, so that he didn't have to look at my creepy face with those awful scars and ugly red marks and crippled lips... I started to scream, fought myself free, and fled the house, stumbling and tripping over my own feet. What had I DONE... I ran to John's house, ignored Trudy, and stumbled upstairs to John's room; where I fell down onto my bed, burying my face into a pillow. What had I done... this was the end of everything. From now on I would nevermore be happy. My life was over. I cried and cried, until the other children entered the room and asked me what had happened. But why should I answer them? They would never understand my feelings. I had lost the love of my life, the man I felt I belonged to. I would never speak again, to nobody. At noon Trudy forced me to come down and eat some food, but it tasted like burnt rubber. I started to throw up, and was excused. I slumped down onto the couch, and started to cry again. Why would I bother to go upstairs? Nobody could help me. I would be totally alone for the rest of my life. Eventually I fell asleep, dreaming horrible dreams of total solitude and being chased away everywhere. I woke up in the afternoon, and John took me into his arms: "Listen, little brother, you can't go on like this. You HAVE to tell me what happened. Why don't you trust me?" Huh? I didn't trust John, my own big brother? That wasn't true! "I DO trust you. You are my big brother and my best friend! But it's so difficult to tell you why I ran away..." "Just give it a try, even if it's difficult. It's no good to bottle things up." That made me think of Jack, who always said that same thing... I decided to give it a try, and told John everything. I told him how I felt when Big Harry kissed my forehead, why I kissed him back, how I felt his reaction and panicked when he turned me around. Again the loneliness overwhelmed me and I started to cry. I would see Big Harry never again; I had lost the best Big Friend of my life. I heard John trying to tell me a couple of things, but couldn't pick up the meaning of his words. I just couldn't stop crying. Eric entered the room and offered me a dead look, but he didn't say a word. I tried to stop the crying, and act as normal as was possible. I even ate a few pieces of food, but it tasted like putty. After dinner I slumped down on the couch and started to cry again, ignoring Eric. He couldn't harm me any more, as I was already harmed deeply into the very core of my soul. At eight o'clock John tried to dry my tears, and asked me: "What do you think, shall I pay Big Harry a visit and ask him why he rejected you?" Trudy nodded approvingly, while Eric impatiently looked at the clock: "Don't make the visit too long. I want to see you back as soon as possible." "Wait for me, little brother, I will be back soon to tell you what really happened this morning." My heart jumped up in my chest, and slowly my faith returned. Maybe everything would turn out for the best... John went to Big Harry, and I was as nervous as hell. I couldn't sit still for a moment, and at last I started to play a simple game of cards with Mark and Marrie, to divert my thoughts. It didn't help very much... I was lying stretched out on the floor, still playing silly card games; when John returned into the room, accompanied by Big Harry... Suddenly something magical happened: I looked into Big Harry's eyes, and all my fears faded away. I absolutely trusted that man! I felt totally safe, and I could see in his eyes that he deeply cared for me, perhaps even loved me. He kneeled and stretched his arms out, as he had done before, and for a moment I saw HIS fears of being rejected: "Hi, my friend! It's nice to see you again. I wanted to return the kiss you offered me this afternoon..." For a moment I hesitated... Why had he rejected me this morning? Wouldn't he reject me again when I kissed him? Could I REALLY trust him? But now he got a pleading look on his face, and he stretched his arms out even further. I stood up and went to him, suddenly feeling very small and vulnerable. I NEEDED this man! I desperately needed him! I mumbled: "I'm sorry," leapt into his arms, buried my face into his chest, and started to cry. It's difficult to describe what I felt when Big Harry folded his arms around me and held me. It was an entire mixture of intense joy, a deep longing, trust, love, friendship, and recognition, all in one. It felt as if we had known each other for ages, and now were reunited. I was absolutely sure we knew each other. We were dear friends, kindred souls, blood brothers. We belonged to each other! Now we both cried, but our mingled tears were tears of joy. Finally we had found each other! We rubbed our faces together, looked into each other's eyes, grinned like crazy, and melted together. Again we looked into each other's eyes, now nearly drowning in each other's warmth and love. He touched my distorted lips with his; and I kissed him back, eagerly and without fear. Now we started to give each other small pecks on the lips, and it felt wonderful, like coming home, like renewing our friendship. I had found my soul mate! After a long time he put me down and draped his arm around my shoulders. I melted into him and felt totally safe, like father and son. Together we approached John's mother, and Big Harry tried to apologize: "Sorry for invading your house like this, but I thought it was the best thing I could do to help our friend." He ruffled my hair, and I felt totally in love with this man. I tried to melt into him even further. She wiped her eyes with her handkerchief, and tried to smile: "Please call me Trudy, and I am very pleased you are here! We were really at a loss today. We didn't know what to do to help Harry out of his desperation. Even the children couldn't reach him any more. They talked and talked to him, but he just didn't listen and kept on crying. There was even a moment I was angry at you, for bringing him into this situation." Of course my big brother immediately had to defend his wrongly accused new friend: "That's not fair! This wasn't Big Harry's fault! He did everything he could do, and nobody could imagine what little Harry thought, or why he ran away again!" Now I had to defend myself! Of course John couldn't know what I was thinking, or why I behaved so shyly. Nobody could. I pushed Big Harry's arm away, and faced John: "No, John, you can't possibly know why I ran away. You are not a small gypsy boy with a crippled body and a distorted face. They never make fun of you, and they don't point at you on the streets. You don't have to hide yourself, and you don't have to sneak to your friends through the backyards. You can't possible know what I am feeling every day, and why I am so shy and so frightened; but of course you can't help it, you just can't feel my pain and my fears..." I hugged John, to let him feel I did understand him and wasn't mad at him. I loved my big brother! Then I returned to my new Big Friend, took his arm, and draped it back around my shoulders. I melted into him; feeling proud of myself, but also a bit vulnerable. Did I do the right thing? Big Harry smiled at me, and ruffled my hair. He looked into my eyes, and to me it felt like we had a conversation without words. I could feel he was elated and very proud of me, but he also saw my uncertainty as an eight-year-old little boy who needed the approval. Suddenly Eric got one of his brilliant ideas, and impatiently looked at the clock: "Boys, girl, time to go to bed! Come on, upstairs, all of you! NOW!" Oh no, certainly not! I didn't want to sleep here tonight, I wanted to go to Big Harry's house and sleep there! Now that I had found my new Big Friend, I didn't want to be separated again for the rest of my life. We belonged to each other, and we both needed each other! I looked at Big Harry with pleading eyes: "Please, will you take me with you tonight?" "Yes, dad!" John immediately interrupted, "That's a good idea! Then I will have my own room back!" I saw him look at Big Harry with some hesitancy, and Big Harry winked at him. They understood each other without words too! Eric didn't see the unspoken conversation, and looked at the clock again: "Well... I am not sure. I want to have a talk with this man first, and then we will see." "Will you wake me up when you go home?" I asked him again, just to be sure. "Yes, I promise!" Big Harry answered, and I could feel his love in his voice. Reluctantly, I went upstairs, following the other children, and longing to be with my new Big Friend. I looked at him until I couldn't see him any longer, and all the time he looked back at me, with love in his eyes. John and I showered together, and this evening I decided to sleep in my own bed. Thus Big Harry wouldn't wake John when he took me with him. Soon we were deep asleep, and this time I dreamed of a beautiful new friendship full of joy. "Harry... here I am... I promised to wake you up..." Somebody softly caressed my face, and when I woke up I saw Big Harry, looking a bit unsure. YESSS! There he was! I threw my arms around his neck, planning not to let him go unless he promised to take me with him. He looked relieved, and lifted me onto his lap, this time facing me. I had to yawn a few times, to get rid of the sleep: "Am I going to live with you now?" "That's up to you. If you wish?" "Of course, silly!" How could he ask... of course I wanted to live with him! That was the only thing I wanted! I jumped off his lap towards my clothes, and started to dress. He looked at my nude body with all those ugly scars, but I didn't see any rejection in his eyes. Soon he started to help me with dressing, tenderly and carefully, as if he was my father. I LOVED it! I felt the need to talk to him, so I told him everything that came into my mind. I told him how my scars started to itch after a while, and Jack always massaged them with some oil from the hospital, but John didn't know where the bottle was. That's why I preferred to sleep in the nude, and why I always wore underwear that was two sizes too big, but that wasn't a problem as I was already used to it. I told him I hated sleeping alone, and always crept into John's bed. Only this night I knew he would take me with him, so I decided to sleep in my own bed so as not to wake up John. I told him my belongings were stowed away since I had to share John's room, but of course now I could have my own room back in Jack's house... oops, my old room in HIS house. "Shall we call it OUR house from now on? Do you have many belongings?" "Only lots of clothes, which Jack always bought for me; and a couple of school things, because Jack tutored me for a few hours every day. Oh yeah, and my wooden desk, but that's in the garage now." "Would you like me to tutor you from now on?" "I don't know. I HAVE to learn a lot of things, to be able to earn enough money when I'm a grown-up, and I can feel I have kind of a task to fulfil. Jack had sort of a 'degree', as he had studied to be a teacher when he was young. Do you have a 'degree' too?" "No, I don't have a degree in tutoring. But I've studied a lot to be a psychotherapist, so I think I will be able to help you at least with the basics." "It was fun to be in a one-pupil classroom, with everlasting detention." He started to laugh, and his eyes showed little fun lights. I leaned into him, and he threw his arms around my shoulders. That felt good, as if I was totally safe now, and nothing could ever happen to me. We cuddled for a while, and I was a happy boy. Now I wanted to know some more things about his life, so I started to ask him a couple of questions. He patiently answered them, sometimes smiling, while we both sat down on my bed, talking softly so as not to disturb John. He had been married, but divorced a couple of years ago. His wife lived in another town far away, and he had two grown-up daughters who both lived on their own. Unfortunately his daughters had no children, so he didn't have any grandchildren. He had no plans to remarry, but one could never know. He had been working with problem children as a living, but now he was retired. He had put away some money, and could easily maintain his new house from it. For the time being he had no plans for the future, except for helping me with growing up... All the time he had a funny look in his eyes, as if he was delighted with our conversation. When finally I was dressed and we were done with the talking and the questions, we decided to go downstairs. Big Harry lifted me onto his strong shoulders, and I clamped my hands around the top of his head. I giggled a bit, and suddenly he started to tickle me. Of course I tickled him back, and now we both giggled while we descended the stairs. Still having fun we entered the living room. Trudy sat on the couch with a sad face and tears in her eyes, while Eric seemed to have left the room. Big Harry took my hips and lifted me from his shoulders, and I went to Trudy to tell her I was going to live with Big Harry from now on. "I think you are a very lucky boy!" "Yes, I certainly am!" Again Big Harry lifted me onto his shoulders, and together we went to his house. Oops, sorry, we went to OUR house. ------------------------------------------ A few excerpts from all the nice emails you've sent me: * I've been enjoying your story on Little Harry. I read the first story on Little Harry after Jack died. Do you plan to continue this story? I think you are a fine writer and I will continue to read your work. * You already know how much I enjoyed the original "Harry". I wasn't sure that I really wanted to read the same story from another point of view, but Chapter 4 of "life" has 'captured' me, and I'm logged-on 'til the end. Thank you for a wonderful tale. * I'm wondering if Little Harry's Life might not be more attractive to children while the original story might appeal more to adults? Each has their frame of reference and mine is that of an adult (of course). * I am very impressed by the level of English used in your story. I wish that my command of Dutch was anywhere near as good! Jammer genoeg niet! * You really are an accomplished writer. I suspect you have written quite a lot in your profession. I believe you have said you have written a lot in your native language and I'm sure that has helped immensly. I am looking forward to watching Harry guide little Harry into manhood and sharing in their many adventures - along with friend John and maybe Davey. Are you up to writing that much? * I have gone to your new web site which is AWESOME. The music is very kewl. It's all your fault I was up until 0200 reading! Thank you for reading my stories, and please send me more emails... harry@harryanders.com Visit my NEW WEBSITE, and maybe read from there ALL my stories: http://www.harryanders.com And, please, write something in our new FORUM... I wish to thank the Nifty archives for hosting my stories. When you have a few spare dimes, donate them to Nifty! They are doing a marvelous job. (Yes, I've donated them my euros too)