Date: Thu, 18 May 2006 21:51:42 +0200 From: Harry Anders Subject: Little-Harrys-youth-13 MY FIRST BOOK 'LITTLE HARRY' IS FOR SALE... Please buy it. It's helping other people to cope with their feelings! Copy this link into your webbrowser: http://www.harryanders.com and have a look at the book. Thank you very much! ============================ LITTLE HARRY'S YOUTH The end of chapter 12 said: The next two days Jack loyally visited me every day. He helped the nurse to wash me, put me onto the potty, helped me when I had to pee, cleaned me up, and felt like a father and a mother all in one. And he felt like my Very Best Big Friend. Many times I sat on his lap, feeling safe and loved, until I was too tired and had to rest. Then he put me to bed and kissed my forehead. All the time he told me more things about his life, about my five friends who had asked for me a couple of times, about the neighborhood where he lived, and that he wished I could live with him when eventually I had left the hospital... I threw my arms around his neck, and nearly suffocated him until my arms started to ache too much. I loved him with all my heart, and I longed for the moment I could TELL him what I felt. I was training for it in my head all the time, and couldn't wait to show him my new skill! ----------------- Chapter 13. Learning the language, and the authorities. I woke up early in the morning, and immediately remembered: today was the first day I was allowed to use my voice after my throat operation! Should I wait until Jack showed up, or should I try to say something now? I decided to try out my voice now, to surprise Jack later on. I coughed a few times, and felt that my throat was still a bit sore, but I had already pushed the white knob once. Okay, let's go on with it. I swallowed, and tried to say my own name: "Harry..." I was shocked, and closed my mouth; because my voice sounded totally different from what I was used to hearing. It sounded lower, a bit raspy, and very strange, at least to my own ears... Again I tried to say something to an invisible person: "Jack, you Big Friend..." I started to stutter and stopped, hearing somebody else saying my words. This was too difficult! I would need a lot of practice to speak naturally, without being disturbed by those strange sounds that left my mouth... During the next hour I trained myself in speaking, until a nurse showed up to wash me and look after the needle in my arm. Finally Jack showed up, being in a hurry and still panting: "Sorry I am late! My car didn't start, and I had to get a new battery first." "That... no problem. I glad you here." Jack looked at me open-mouthed, and slowly got a smile on his face from ear to ear: "You can speak our language? How come you didn't speak it before?" "You speak, I listen word. Speak word in head. Now speak langwitj." "You are marvelous. You are a miracle boy! You are MY miracle boy!" "What... mirrekol?" Jack lifted me out of my bed, took the little box with the attached tube, and together we danced around the room, both laughing and trying to suffocate each other. After a while he sat down and took me onto his lap: "I'm so happy that I can speak with you now. Did you really understand everything I told you?" "Everything no. Some word understand no. Other word feel, know in head, yes." "You're a wonder boy. Learning a foreign language within a few weeks, just by listening... it's a miracle!" "What mirrekol?" "A miracle is... well, something totally unexpected, that happens nevertheless." "Never less?" "The word 'nevertheless' is very difficult to explain. It's more like kind of an expression of amazement..." "A maze meant?" Jack started to laugh, and kissed my forehead: "Sorry... I'll try to teach you my language, but please give me some more time. Okay?" "Okay. You Big Friend!" We cuddled for a long time, and now and then I asked him a question or just marveled in the nice feeling of being together. It felt good to be able to talk to him and say the things I wanted to say. Now and then I had to look for the right words, but all the time Jack helped me and patiently explained the too difficult words. Every time when I spoke the foreign language it felt a bit easier to do and sounded a bit better. I tried to gather the courage to ask him my burning question, but dreaded the inevitable answer... Finally I couldn't hold it any longer, and looked down at my feet: "Mom, Dad, where?" The room was dead silent. Even the birds outside seemed to deaden their twitters. I felt myself tremble, and heard Jack sigh a few times. Suddenly I felt Jack's tears dripping on my head, and I knew what had happened. I would never be able to see my parents again. They were burnt to death in our caravan... From now on I was an orphan gypsy. My Dad and my Mom were gone forever. I buried my head into Jack's stomach, and cried my heart out. Jack held me close for a long time, and tenderly encouraged me to let myself go: "Just let it go, don't bottle it up. In a few minutes you will feel better..." It lasted longer than a few minutes, but finally I DID feel better. My sobs diminished, and I regained my breath. Jack took his handkerchief out of his pocket, and I dried my eyes and blew my nose in it. Jack put the handkerchief back into his pocket without looking at it. Suddenly I started to grin: now he had a pocket full of snot... Jack lifted me off his lap and sat me down onto the bed. He went to the small washstand, and returned carrying a wet towel. Carefully he wiped my face with it, and then he rinsed the towel and wiped his own puffy face. I had felt something strange while blowing my nose. Now I felt my face with my hands, and felt again, and panicked... WHERE WAS MY NOSE? "JACK... Where..." --what was the foreign word for 'nose'-- "where thing in face?" Jack turned around slowly, and looked at me with so much compassion... Again his eyes started to tear up. What had happened to me? Where was my nose? Why did Jack look at me like this, with those teary eyes? I started to be angry at my inability to speak the foreign language properly. What was the foreign word for 'mirror'? I wanted to see my face! "Jack, I... look face. This..." Feeling frustrated, I tried to picture a mirror using my hands. Fortunately Jack seemed to understand me. He sat down onto the bed, and lifted me onto his lap: "Sorry, my little friend, you are burnt all over your body. Even your face is burnt. I think it's not a good idea to look at it now..." "I WANT look! I want look NOW!" It was MY face, and he hadn't the right to decide for me. I wanted to look at my own face NOW. I wanted to know where my nose was... Jack looked into my eyes, and saw my determination. He sighed, and went to the duffel bag he always carried. Slowly he took a mirror out of one of the compartments, and handed it to me without saying a word. I took the mirror into my hands, and hesitated. Did I really want to know how I looked without a nose, and maybe without whatever else I could be missing? My hands trembled, while I slowly lifted the mirror to my face, and looked... I was too shocked to feel anything. My mind shut down, and I felt like being in a bad horror film. This couldn't be true... My nose was halfway gone, and I looked at two black holes where my nostrils ought to be. My lips were wrinkled and askew. One of my ears was shriveled and stuck to my head. My face was distorted by many scars and stripes, and stained in at least three different colors... I handed the mirror back to Jack without saying a word, staring into space and feeling totally numb. This wasn't what I had expected... After a few seconds my mind shut down all the way, I fell to the floor, and everything went black. I landed in a bright white light, shining everywhere. The same huge man I had seen before, clad in a beautiful robe, approached me and tenderly laid his enormous hand on my head. I felt his enormous power streaming through my body and taking my feelings of horror away. The man lifted me off the ground, and looked into my eyes: "Life will not be easy for you, but you will come through and it will make you strong. Bear the pain with joy, my little friend, it's a small price to pay. Soon you will meet your new Dad, and he will help you. Together you will assist us in making this world into a better place. Later on you will raise your own son, and finally you will be known all over the world. That's the task you have to fulfil in this life." "Please, may I ask you a question? Where are my Mom and Dad?" "They are both in another spiritual reality, and you can't meet them now. You may say that they are in 'heaven', but know that there are many heavens where we are. However, soon they will be around you, and help you to fulfil your task on Earth, together with a lot of others in the spirit realm. You will never be alone; we will always be around you and guide you. You are important to us, you know..." "How long is 'soon'? How long will I have to wait?" "In our reality we don't know such a thing as 'time', because time is restricted to the material plane. Here we see the future and the past, brought together into the eternal 'Now'. You will meet your new Dad after the Earth has rounded the Sun two times." The bright light disappeared; and I found myself in the arms of Jack, who had lifted me off the ground and took me onto his lap. He looked into my eyes, and I thought I saw the powerful eyes of my huge spirit friend shining through Jack's deep brown eyes... "Is everything alright with you, my little friend? You fell off the bed..." "Yes, every thing all right. Thank help look face!" I threw my arms around his neck, and felt wonderful. Parts of what my ancestor told me, popped up in my mind: 'Bear the pain with joy, it's a small price to pay'; 'later on you will raise your own son'; 'soon your parents will be around you'; 'you will never be alone'; 'you are important to us'; and finally 'you will meet your new Dad after the Earth has rounded the Sun two times'... How long was that? I remembered what Micha told me once, that the sun rounded the earth every day, causing day and night. But when rounded the earth the sun? I didn't have the slightest idea, and decided to ask Jack about it once I could speak the language a bit better. All the time Jack looked at me curiously, as if he couldn't understand why I looked so happy after I had seen my devastated face. I laughed at him, and he shook his head in frustration. The door opened, and a nurse entered the room carrying a platter of food: "It's mealtime. How are you doing this morning? Did you already try to speak?" I looked at her with a beaming face: "Yes, I ready speak! Thank for eat. It nice." She nearly let the platter fall out of her hands: "I thought you were a gypsy boy. How come you can speak our language all of a sudden?" "Jack speak, I listen, I speak in head, now I learn languisj." "Wait until the doctor hears about this! It's a miracle..." She put the platter down and hasted away, maybe to tell all the others about my 'miracle'. The remainder of the day I had a lot of visitors. Obviously everybody wanted to listen to my strange raspy voice and my funny usage of the language. I didn't complain, and marveled in all the extra attention I suddenly got... Jack waited until my room was a bit less crowded, and asked: "I want to bring my car to a garage for a check-up, because I don't really trust it after the breakdown this morning. Do you mind?" "I not mind. You back morning?" "I will be back tomorrow, but maybe I will be a bit late because I have to collect the car first." "Okay. See you morrow." Jack laughed, and kissed my forehead. I threw my arms around his neck, and kissed him back. He blushed a bit, and waved in the door opening before he left. I loved that man with all my heart, and with REAL love! The casual visits lasted until I was dead tired and wanted to sleep. A nurse helped me, and turned the little light on that told the others not to disturb me until the next morning. Fortunately I slept soundly and peaceful. I woke up when a nurse entered the room to wash me and remove the needle in my arm. I didn't need it any longer, as I hadn't used the white knob for quite a while. It felt strange, as if I missed my attachment to that helpful little box... Now a doctor entered the room, and told me: "A few people want to see you and ask you a couple of questions. What do you think, are you able to answer them?" I felt a bit scared, and looked into his eyes. Did I do something wrong? "Why questions? I did... no good?" "No, you didn't do anything wrong. I think they want to know who you are, and what you remember about yourself." "Okay, I answer questions." The doctor smiled, ruffled my hair, and went away. Ten minutes later a man and a woman entered my room, and both took a chair. They sat down on both sides of my bed. The woman looked a bit shocked, but soon regained her composure. She smiled at me, looking pitifully at the same time. She offered me a weak hand: "Hello, my name is Margaret. And what is your name?" I sat upright, took her hand, and shook it: "My name Harry." She looked at me expectantly, and a bit as if she didn't trust me: "Is Harry your only name, or do you have more names?" I did have more names, I was sure of that, but I couldn't remember them... Since the burning everything from my past was misty and unsure. I vaguely remembered the faces of my Mom and my Dad, but couldn't think of anybody else I knew. The only things I remembered where our mountains... Suddenly another name popped up, and I knew that had to be our last name: "Yes, I Harry Romani." "Thank you, that's marvelous. You are a very big boy!" Did she pull my leg? Did she think I was a baby? I looked at her in disdain, and the man at the other side of the bed started to chuckle. Margaret wrote down something onto a notepad, and resumed: "We are from Children's Protective Services, that's CPS for short, and the authorities sent us to look after you. To be able to properly do that, we would like to know a bit more about you. Do you know where you were living before you ended up here?" A sudden shiver went down my spine. I felt the energy of that difficult name that ended with CPS, and that felt no good at all... What were they planning to do, by 'looking after me'? Of course Jack would look after me, so I didn't need them! I also felt that same energy the police officers and the customs were radiating, something unassailable and almighty. I had to be very careful... On the other hand, I had promised to answer their questions: "I live... huge mountains." "That's great, but do you know where those huge mountains are?" I shook my head, trying to remember more of my mountains and getting tears in my eyes. I really didn't have the slightest idea where my beloved mountains were, or where we were living before we went on a vacation and our caravan burnt down... The man offered me a tissue, and I wiped my eyes. Again Margaret wrote down something, and resumed her questioning: "How come you are no longer in your mountains, but here in this country?" "We... vacation, caravan. Mom, Dad, me." "So you were on a vacation, traveling in your caravan. Do you know what happened to you?" I nodded, clearly remembering the sudden fire, the licking flames, my screeching parents, my saver Jack... I shuddered: "Caravan fire, flames, now here..." "That's wonderful, thank you. You are a big boy. Now tell me, do you have any idea who was putting your caravan on fire?" WHAT?... Did I hear that right?... Did Margaret really mean: 'putting our caravan on fire'? Wasn't that fire an ACCIDENT? Did somebody do that ON PURPOSE?... Did somebody MURDER my parents? I was shocked to my core, jumped up, and started to cry and scream: "NOOOooooo..." Margaret tried to calm me down, but I pushed her hand away violently, crying loudly in my own language: "Go away! Leave me alone..." I tried to digest the information that somebody had murdered my parents, and nearly me; while we hadn't done ANYTHING wrong... Margaret and the man both persisted in trying to comfort me and offer me their tissues. Why didn't they go away and let me think this over? Shut up! Piss off! Keep your hands off me! I don't need your so-called help... At last Margaret pushed the glowing button, and twenty seconds later a nurse rushed into the room. "Did you call? What can I do for you?" "Could you give this boy a sedation to calm him down? He's crying and shouting all the time, and we can't do our work while he is like this." "Just a moment, I'll ask the doctor." The nurse disappeared; and I fell down onto the bed, totally exhausted. Slowly the light disappeared, and I welcomed the darkness that enfolded me and took me to another realm full of love and peacefulness. I woke up knowing I had a dream full of love and tenderness, but couldn't remember it. Slowly I opened my eyes, and looked at the worried face of a doctor who tried to look into my eyes using a small flashlight. I smiled at him, and he looked relieved. He put the flashlight away, and sat down onto one of the chairs: "You had us worried for a moment. What happened to you?" At first I didn't know what he meant, but then I remembered Margaret and the man from CPS. Again I felt that same shiver going down my spine. Where were they? I sat upright with a shock and looked around, but fortunately they seemed to be gone. I didn't want to tell the doctor what they had told me, about my parents being burnt on purpose. I wanted to talk to Jack first, so I just shrugged. Fortunately the doctor didn't persist, and left the room after telling me to take it easy for a while. Jack entered the room, and took the same chair the doctor had used. He looked a bit worried, and I wormed my hand into his. Now he smiled at me, and tried to read my eyes... "What happened to you? The nurse told me to wait outside, because the doctor had to look you over first." "Jack, why caravan fire? Was purpose? Some body murder Dad and Mom?" Jack looked very pale all of a sudden, and nodded slowly: "Has somebody told you that? Yes, my little friend, somebody burnt down your caravan on purpose. Fortunately you escaped..." "Why, Jack?" "I don't know... I think not everybody loves gypsies." "But why? Dad and Mom did no wrong, were good some body." "I know, my friend. I know..." I crawled onto Jack's lap, and we held each other close until our tears dried and we wiped each other's eyes with the same tissue. Now I wanted to tell him why the doctor visited me, and desperately looked for the right words: "Woman and man here, woman Margaret. Ask question, I answer. Told from... See Pee Es?" "CPS? Oh God, no... What did you tell them?" "Name Harry Romani, live huge mountains. Mom, Dad, me vacation. Caravan fire, flames, now here... Margaret ask who put caravan fire. I... Bang! Think murder Dad and Mom, cry. Tell go away, fight. Call nurse, doctor sedation calm down. Then dark..." I hoped Jack would understand what I tried to tell him, and fortunately he did: "Those almighty 'helpers' are always trying to take over. Even when I rescued you outside your caravan and you clamped yourself onto me, the paramedics tried to take over and chase me away. I told them to go to hell and that I would accompany you to the hospital. I did, and I think they were not too happy with me. They tried to refuse to let me visit you because I wasn't your family, but I told them I was the ONLY family you had, and that refusing to let me be with you could cause your death, and I would sue them into hell if necessary... "Now they do allow me to visit you, but nobody ever speaks to me or tells me anything. They just do as if I don't exist." Jack was right. I had never seen any doctor speaking to Jack directly. They only spoke to me and always did as if Jack wasn't there. Why? The doctor entered the room; and looked at me, sitting naked on Jack's lap, as if he didn't like to see that. He took the other chair, and sat down at the other side of the empty bed: "What do you think, are you ready to leave our hospital tomorrow?" I looked at the doctor, and at first his question didn't come through... Then I started to cheer: "YES!!! I want leave hospital. I go live Jack house! Jack Big Friend." The windows started to rumble, and the sound of my cheering lifted the roof... I hopped off Jack's lap, and hugged the doctor who looked a bit ashamed and soon left the room. Now Jack and I danced around the room. Tomorrow I was going to live with my Big Friend! I threw my arms around his neck, and kissed him wherever I could reach him, while our tears of joy mixed together. After a while we calmed down a bit, and Jack asked me: "Can I leave you alone for a while? When I'm back I will have a present for you." "Yes, I like present! You back soon?" "I'll try to be back within an hour. Is that okay with you?" "Is okay. Now hurry..." Jack smiled, kissed my forehead, and left the room. I waited in anticipation until Jack would be back. What would he bring for me as a present? I could hardly wait... Tomorrow I was going to live with my Big Friend, who would lead me to my new Dad when the earth had rounded the sun two times. What could that mean? The sun rounded the earth in one day... The moon rounded the earth every day, but went full and new in one month. The next recurring period was a year... Of course, that had to be the solution! The earth rounded the sun in one YEAR! I was very proud of myself to have discovered this difficult riddle. I had to wait for another two years until I would finally meet my new Dad... Jack entered the room, and I raced towards him and jumped high into the air so that he could catch me, as my Dad always did. He caught me a bit clumsy and nearly let me fall, but that would change once I was living with him. I was already planning to train him properly... Jack carried a big brown bag, and put it onto my bed: "That's for you. Open it and have a look..." I opened the bag, and looked in awe at a brilliantly colored polo-shirt showing all the colors of the rainbow, snoopy underpants, and nice looking blue jeans. Beneath them I found a pair of dark blue socks, and a pair of beautiful white sneakers. I threw my arms around Jack's neck and nearly suffocated him: "I... clothes on now, try?" "Of course you may try them on now. I can't take you with me tomorrow looking like a naked wild savage, or can I?" "What 'savage'?" He told me, and I grinned, thinking I fitted that description quite well in our woods. Jack helped me to put on my new clothes, and they fitted perfectly. He took the mirror out of his duffel bag, and I looked at my beautiful new gadjo outfit, proudly showing off. Many gadjo boys would be jealous of me! "I nice, Jack! I gadjo boy now." Finally I looked at my face, for the second time since the fire, and again I was shocked to see such a caricature of a face staring back at me... Suddenly I understood why Margaret had looked at me so pitifully when she saw me for the first time. And why the nurse did so as if everything was 'normal' every time. And why the first doctor never looked at me, but always averted his eyes when he entered the room... Only Jack had never looked at my so damaged face other than with pure love in his eyes. Jack looked at the inside of me! I undressed, and carefully folded my beautiful outfit in clear sight onto the nightstand, so that I could look at it first thing in the morning. Being clad into those brand new clothes I would accompany Jack tomorrow to my new home and my new own room! I crawled onto Jack's lap, and we started to make plans for tomorrow when I was going to live with him. I had seen his house once, while he sorted out those second hand clothes, and vaguely remembered how it looked. Jack helped me remember the details, and slowly the picture of my new home built up in my mind. "I remember, Jack, sleep room up stair door left!" Jack grinned, and ruffled my hair. After a while I could walk around in my mind in our home, and find the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, and the staircase that led upstairs to Jack's bedroom, two spare rooms, and a room holding a big shower enclosure. Jack tenderly kissed my head, and asked me: "Would you like to have your own room in our house?" Yes, of course I wanted to have my own room! "Yippee, I own room in new home!" Together we decided to furnish the second room to the left upstairs as being my own room. We would go to the town to look for a nice bed, some furniture, and a small desk. I would choose my own wallpaper, and together we would cover the walls and hang new curtains. We hatched many more plans, until I was too tired and started to yawn. It had been a long day! Jack put me to bed and tenderly kissed my forehead: "Tomorrow is the big day, my precious little friend. Tomorrow you will go home, to your own room in our own house." We cuddled until I fell asleep. I didn't hear Jack leaving the room, as I was already dreaming of my new own room in our house... ============================ Thank you for reading this chapter of 'Little Harry's youth'. My FIRST book, 'Little Harry', is for sale! It costs only $ 19.95 ... Please visit my homepage http://www.harryanders.com and buy it. It's helping lots of people to cope with their feelings! I love your emails, please send them to harry@harryanders.com . Maybe I will not be able to answer all of them, but be assured I will certainly read them all! I wish you lots of Love in your life, and Peace in your heart. And thank you, Nifty, for hosting my stories. Harry AnderS, alternative writer. I'm living in The Netherlands, and my native language is Dutch. Please have a look at my site http://www.harryanders.com or send me and email at mailto:harry@harryanders.com