Date: Wed, 17 Mar 2010 18:38:33 +0000 From: paxos@hushmail.com Subject: London Victoria - part 5 Charles Fox stares at his computer screen, unseeing. His PA places a cup of tea beside him. He turns off the monitor and takes the tea, holding the saucer in one hand, the cup in the other. She is talking to him about something. He nods and smiles and notes the flicker of irritation in her face. She exits, closing the door behind her. He stands and takes his tea over to the window. Green Park. Tourists making their way toward the Palace. Joggers. Ducks. He sips the Earl Grey and stares. Below, the trees curve like the boy's calves. Like the arches of his feet. The bend of the pond, his smooth jaw. Leaves rustle the way he shivers, standing naked. A black sack tumbles through like discarded clothes. Charles Fox searches for a certain blue. Then the browns and golds of his skin. He holds a sip of tea in his mouth, before allowing it to slip down his throat. His eyes shut. His heart is beating. He feels the car keys in his pocket and studies his reflection in the glass. --- "I prolly shouldn't see you again." "I see." Silence. "What brought this on?" "Dunno." Silence. "Is it making you unhappy? Am I making you unhappy?" Shrug. "I am?" Shrug. "I'm sorry about that." Silence. Darkening silence. "You remember what I promised?" Nods. "What did I promise?" "That you'd leave forever if I ask you too." "I meant it. If this has become too much for you, I'll slip out of your life. Never bother you again." "It's not right is it?" "What's not right?" "What happens." "Between us?" Nod. "A few golf lessons?" "You nutter." "That's better. Nice when you smile. And blush. Do you know your blushing now?" "Am not." "Are." Silence. "Can I hold your hand?... Thank you." "You are so gay." Silence. "You have great hands. Beautiful." "Like I say. Gay." Silence. "Well, if this is to be our last time, do you mind if I say something?" Shrug. "I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart." "What for?" "Well..., let me see... for being you. For standing in that window. For being brave. For taking a risk. But mostly just for your beauty." "I keep telling you, boys aren't beautiful." "Handsome then. You are handsome and beautiful." "You're retarded." "You don't see it do you? But for me... this face I have traced with my knuckles... and these.... Your nose is carved by a master- craftsman. Your blushes. Your monster eyelashes." "And you call me a cheeky monkey!" "And this warm throat." Silence. "You fancy me is all." "When I saw you from the train, I did. First time in this bedroom I did. Lust probably." "Told you." "But as I have got to know you.... Your beauty goes to the heart of you. It's who you are." "I'm just normal looking." "Far from it, but that's no longer the point. The point is what I love about you is not this ridiculously firm stomach, or these thighs. Or this.... Or these. I love Dillon." "You're a crazy." "I love you Dillon." "You can't love me, I'm a boy, or hadn't you noticed." "No I had noticed that." "Why don't you love a woman or something?" "I probably should." "Yeah cause all I am is a boy." "You are Dillon." "You do my friggin head in." "So if this is our last time, what do you feel about me?" Shrug. "You can tell me, I have broad shoulders. I can take it." Shrug. "Do you feel nothing for me?" Silence. "S'not that. Its just very confusing." "Try to tell me why." "Just is." "A part of you seemed to like it." "Don't do that, not now." "Sorry." "Anyone gets horny if that happens to them." "True, but what about the way you feel about me? Perhaps you don't feel anything about me at all. But we've had some good times haven't we? Some laughs?" "Yeah." Silence. "Do you want me to leave now?" Silence. "Yes." Silence. "Don't cry, Dillon.... no need for tears." In a brightly lit carriage a businessman turns the page of a newspaper. Four students. A pregnant woman. "Let me hold you for a while, little man." Blur. Rumble. Silence.