Date: Wed, 04 Apr 2007 00:38:41 -0400 (EDT) From: phil Smith Subject: look but dont touch 10 Disclaimer: In this chapter there is hardly anything to disclaim. You can read this even if you are an illegal person but don't read the next chapter cause it is not for illegal people and you definitely shouldn't have read the last one. So if you are illegal, go ahead and read this because you might find out why guys who are gay have so many problems in what they are doing and thinking. But if you are reading this and you are illegal, that means you wonder if you are gay. Well if you are wondering that, guess what.you are. People who aren't gay think they are straight and they don't even try to read something like this. Now your problem is if you realize you are gay, what the hell are you going to do about it. Well good luck because few of us who have had gay experiences have any clue what do to about it but wish that society didn't make things illegal so we could read what other people think about being gay and then we could figure out what to do about it. Oh yes, it would help if you were illegal to read this stuff to have someone to talk to about it. But you see the people who make this illegal don't want you to figure out what to do about this because they couldn't make it illegal then. Could they? Look but Don't Touch Number 10 The heat from the shower felt so good, and I let my mind wander over the events. I kind of resigned myself to the situation with jacking off with Raymond. He was my son. We had shared showers and baths together when he was younger. We had slept together so many times over the years that his bed was like a second home for me. We peed in front of each other. We talked about everything. He told me about everything. He never lied, and I didn't lie to him. Sex had just never been a topic. It had suddenly become one though. And from the way Raymond had just fallen into the nudity and hard-ons with me, it just seemed for him it was as natural as any other part of our relationship. If I rejected him now with what he wanted to do, I think it will scar him in our relationship. I would, I decided just "Let this one happen," too. As I stood there in the shower though, the other boys and their youth hit me. Billy was out as far as doing anything whatsoever. He was another man's child who would not approve one bit of anything that had just gone on. So here I wasn't dealing with just my desires; that would be selfish. I was dealing with another man's child who would probably kill me if he knew. I can't interfere with what the boys do because they will do what they want. But I will have to tell Raymond, I am off limits to Billy and vice versa. Now, what about the other two boys? Boy, the other two boys, and I thought of that great cam show they put on. Sean is so beautiful and really old enough to make decisions. I know he would like to do me, and I can certainly say I would do him in a heartbeat now this has all happened. I can't. I just can't. This situation can get out of control. Again I don't know his parents but even if it was no problem for some strange reason, he is just a little too young. I will resolve that I am not going to do anything with him...hopefully. Now Nic. This smart ass is so cute and so desirable, and I think Jake is feeding him up to me on a platter. The thing is I don't know Nic. I don't know why Nic has sex with guys. I don't know if he wants to do this or its something he does because he copies his gay brother. It's as simple as that. That boy has no chance with me until he gets much older. Boy did I get out of that one in my mind. Just put it off! I felt a lot better. Dried off and went back upstairs to bed with my mature little boy whom I think is gay. I opened the door and went in. I whispered, "Raymond" to see if he were awake because I wanted to say something about Billy. Nope. I had to push him over to get in bed because he was sound asleep in the middle of the bed, totally nude. God, what had I created? In pushing him over, I woke him. I leaned over and kissed him on the lips, and he kissed back. With a totally exhausted look he announced. "I know that you and Jake are gay together." With that Raymond turned his head and went to sleep. I think one hour ago that would have bothered me for him to say that, but now all I could tell him if he were awake would be "Yeah, Raymond, we are gay together and we may be living together someday soon and you will for sure be coming with me if I leave your mom!" But exhaustion had taken my boy for the night and the truth, which he would hear out of my mouth for the rest of my life, would have to wait until tomorrow. I put my arm around Raymond and spooned my dick right up against his nude little bottom. I had on my boxers and my dick pressed tightly up against his ass, but I was not getting a hard-on because there was no need. This was my son, and I loved him. He was not a desire of my sexual mind. Sleeping with Raymond had always been difficult because he changes positions so much. I usually only sleep on the weekend with him because of that fact. This night, I am not sure if Raymond moved or not because I did not wake one time during the night. Finally, the movement of the bed shaking as Raymond jacked off next to me woke me up. I was facing him and just watched as he had his sweet little dry orgasm. It wasn't really an erotic event for me this morning probably because it didn't come along with a "five x" rated cam show with sexy Sean and Nic fucking each other. But it was kind of cute to watch my son jack off. It just showed me I was dealing with a man now. He had started young for sure, but maybe not for the times. I haven't done a survey, but I think things are changing. Raymond just looked over after cumming and said. "When do you think I will get some sperm? It's not fair; I don't have any sperm to give anyone." "I don't know but I think I started right around 12 years of age, but you know I didn't start jacking off till around 12 so maybe you are hurrying those little boogers up, and they are gonna want to get out and get going sooner." The total honesty had just started that new Sunday morning. "You think so. I know my nuts hurt sometimes when I do it several times in a day. I just can't wait to taste it." Raymond said as if he had understood all that I meant. Now the conversation was getting to me a little, and I was starting to get hard so I changed the subject. "Look Raymond I was just thinking about what happened last night, and you fell asleep before we could talk because I want to share with you what I thought about it." Raymond said nothing so I just asked, "Does Billy know any of this stuff about me or did he know I was watching last night or suspect about Jake and me?" "Oh God no, dad, I don't want him to know about you. I don't think Billy is gay anyway and his dad would kill him if he thought he was. His brother knows about us a little because he has caught us. We know too much about him too, and after he jacked off in front of us and let me taste his sperm, we have him by the balls so he will never say anything. That's why I did that." Raymond paused to correct himself, "Well, hmmm." Raymond thought a second more because he wasn't about to lie to me. "Actually, I wanted to taste his sperm but I thought later about how it was now a good blackmail thing." Here, lying nude next to me still rubbing his cock was the smartest, almost eleven year old in the world. Raymond perceived everything about everything that was going on. He was thinking so straight about this. I had no way to add a word or give fatherly advice. But I decided to pop the question, which seemed so absolutely stupid to ask a ten year old, but I have told you I am stupid sometimes. "Raymond, do you think you are gay?" "Dad, I know I am gay. I have been gay since kindergarten when I discovered my dick spending the night with cousin Arturo. Why, does it matter to you?" Oh my god, Raymond just turned the whole thing around. I have no idea if it matters or why I asked the question. It obviously mattered, but I didn't know why. So since we are now and have been totally honest I had to answer: "I don't know why it does. It probably doesn't and frankly I don't know why I asked you." Raymond went on to put his two cents into my thinking "I hope you are still going to want to jack off with me. I really like it. I have always liked looking at your body and now to see your hard dick is really hot." "I did think about that last night," I said as I began to collect my thoughts on how to handle this conversation. "I won't tell you no, on our doing some stuff even though you have to understand it does bother me, since I have a concept that I shouldn't be doing it. When I let that go, it doesn't bother me, but when I think about it later, I feel guilty. You know what I mean?" Raymond looked away from me as he thought out and explained what he thought "I think you are saying you feel guilty because you think you are doing something wrong. Things are wrong to people if they think they are wrong. I do things I think are right but then mom, or school teachers tell me I was wrong and then I get a bad feeling because I did not please them." Raymond keeps looking away and talking and accessing some database of the wise old men. "The thing is I don't think we are doing anything wrong. And I think sex is all between the people who are doing it, and if they think it is right, then it is right for them so why feel guilty if someone else thinks it is wrong?" Raymond now looked back at me as if he was finished getting his prompting from the cue cards. "Billy is beginning to feel guilty about the things we are doing because he is getting into the girls," Raymond went on in a chillingly adult manner, "and I know I am going to lose him soon. It bothers me because I like him and will miss him, but I don't want him to feel guilty so I will just have to let him go." My boy had just rewritten the age of consent laws I think and explained the essence of guilt as I had never heard it before. Who wrote "Out of the Mouth's of Babes?" I would need this all explained again later to really comprehend him. Actually, I was not sure if he was trying to make me not feel guilty or if indirectly he was smart enough to be seducing me. "Soooo," I said as I looked at Raymond and reached over and touched him, "Does this all really mean that you want to jack me off." "Hell, yeah." He smiled and laughed. I picked up the pillow and hit him with it. He picked up the pillow and hit me back, and we had an affectionate pillow fight- him in the nude with his dick and balls flopping in the air and me with my morning piss erection ready to burst. The pillow fight ended in tickling and wrestling but I had to stop. With Raymond pinned below me I whispered into his ear "I gotta go pee and then let's go out to breakfast at Denny's with everyone, and I'll break the party news at the restaurant so mom can't say no." I dressed in my pants only and headed downstairs to our bedroom and Anna was in the kitchen and came running up for a kiss. I leaned forward as far as possible so that my hard- on didn't get near her. No matter what Raymond had said about sex, he and I are men, and women and sex are different animals all together. The feeling of guilt is totally in play when dealing with women. "Good morning, Anna. You wanta have breakfast at Denny's?" "Yeah, dad." She said, which made it a sure thing since Marie wouldn't deny her going. I went into the bedroom and Marie was just finishing up in the bathroom. I took a pee, which was so badly needed as hard-ons, needing to piss, and sexual thoughts just don't go hand in hand. "Hey, honey, the kids are getting ready to go to Denny's. Can you wait and go to late mass?" "Do you want me to go or would you rather go alone with the kids?" You had to know that question was coming. "Marie, I know things haven't been working out lately, but we have to put on a front for the kids." You had to know that was going to be the answer to the question. At breakfast Raymond and I played a little game with the party idea, and I let him bring up how great the guys were, and how Billy liked them, and I just agreed and said how polite they were. Then Raymond brought up as if I hadn't heard that Nic was the same age and had the same birth date. Now he went after Marie for the permission for a sleep over. My job was later to change the party to the hotel, which would be no problem because Marie didn't really like a lot of boys messing up her house. The first approval came with no problem, as I would have to do all the work on this one while Marie would do Anna's birthday. After lunch, Marie and Anna headed off to mass. I was not religious and never had been, but I had let Marie rear the children in her faith. Raymond had bolted from the religion about two years ago, as he became more a daddy's boy. After breakfast, we boys were left alone at the house and Raymond ran up to his room to get online but not before he asked me if he could have a cam for his birthday. Hmmm I wonder why he wanted that. I had no plans for the day and no work today, and on Sundays I sometimes just vegged so I could prepare for my difficult Monday's. I had been in construction doing just about everything since I was fourteen, and I was losing my enthusiasm for it but had no choice of other work, since I had no education. I grabbed a book I was reading and sat in my office chair to read. I hadn't even found the page I had left off at when Raymond yelled from upstairs. "Dad, Jake is online." Instead of waiting for my computer to turn on, I just ran upstairs to talk to him. I went into Raymond's room and he was typing so fast to Jake. "I'm telling him all about last night." Raymond said. "So he knows that you know about us." I asked "Well, duh, it was Nic who told me about you guys, but it didn't matter, I already knew cause I could see it in your eyes and your dicks." That little shit Nic; he is so forward and self-assured. But what the hell, it all worked out. "Ask Jake if I can call." I requested to Raymond. "He says yeah sure." I headed downstairs to get my cell phone and my heart raced. I had been so involved with the boys last night, my confused thinking, and with my son today that I had completely forgotten about my lover. 'Hey, dude, I guess I can't leave you alone with cute boys for a minute." Jake said upon answering. "I don't think I will ever have another private moment or thought again in my life now that I have met you. God, Jake, things are happening so fast." The words came out of my mouth but I was shaking as I imaged him on the other end of the line. "What are you up to?" I asked. "Nothing. Can you get away? I'd like to be with you this afternoon." Jake asked me. "Yeah, sure, but I gotta bring Raymond because his mother is gone." Nope. That is not true anymore. I am never leaving Raymond anywhere again in the care of anyone else. If I can do it, he can do it too if he wants to go. I corrected myself "Jake something happened yesterday between all of us and something special has happened between me and my boy and I want to bring him." "Mike, that is great, I will tell Nic and maybe they can do something and if not he can go with us so I can get to know him even better. Let's go up and hike at Red Rock." "Ok, I'll be over in twenty minutes cause there's no traffic today." I said as I thought about Jake's totally unselfish attitude towards Raymond. After last night and this morning any lover I had would have to accept another love in my life at least for a few years until Raymond went on his own. I wrote out a note for Marie who would be pissed because I usually didn't do much on Sunday and then took off up the stairs again and started yelling, "Raymond we are going to Jake's." I entered Raymond's room without knocking as that didn't seem necessary anymore just in time to see him pull on a tight pair of shorts over his nude butt and dick. God, I thought, he is gay. "Hey listen, dad, do you mind if Nic and I just stay at the apartment and let you and Jake go alone to Red Rock. You guys need some time alone away from us kids anyway." Again a computer preempted me. But the maturity of his statement to leave Jake and me alone couldn't have really been for me but for his own desire to be with Nic, one would think. I learned, however, over the years that I should never have doubted Raymond's concern for me- hmmm..wel,l with a little sexual concern for himself too. We got in the truck for the ride to see the new boys in our lives. Raymond had CD's, play station games and Dad's. He was a generous boy, and I was sure we would be losing some of these things as he loaned them out to Nic. I left with my thoughts and my good feelings. My life was looking up suddenly, and I could feel a new future was in store for me. A future where my heart would be able to make some life changing decisions and get back something I have not had much of for many years: Real happiness.