Date: Fri, 28 Sep 2001 00:56:25 -0700 From: Robert Just Robert Subject: Lost in fear-chapter 1 This story is a work of fiction. All the usual disclaimers apply. If you are not 18, if stories of man/boy love offends you, or if it is illegal to read this type of story where you live...please leave now. I hope all others will find this story refreshing in that it does not contain a lot of ungratuitous sex. It is a story about the true nature of boylove. It is a story of love and trust and how the love between a boy and a man can change both lives forever. If you have ever helped a boy or mentored one, you will appreciate this story. Any comments are greatly appreciated..chapters will be posted as I have time to write them. Email me at Kewl_Dad_l@msn.com Lost In Fear Chapter One..."Please don't hurt me." He couldn't have been more than nine or ten I guessed. The kid was wearing ragged dirty clothes and his long brown hair was all matted up. He was crying and as I got closer I could see he was bleeding from a small gash on his forehead. I pulled up along side of him, unsure what I would say or even if I could help him, but I had to try. I rolled down the passenger side window and slowed to a stop. At first he seemed not to notice me, then he slowed down and looked in my direction sniffing back tears. "Hey Buddy." I said in a freindly voice. "Are you okay?" He stopped suddenly and walked a little closer to my car. He pushed his mop of hair out of his eyes and stared in at me. In that instant I saw so much hurt and pain in his eyes that I felt my own eyes tear up. He sniffed and wiped his nose with a dirty little hand. Underneath all the grime and pain I could see a cute little boy who, for reasons unknown to me, was in a great deal of trouble. His eyes were green and sparkled despite his crying, and his cute little nose was red and raw from wiping it. His mouth looked capable of a sweet smile if only the conditions allowed. I had to try to help, though I had no idea what I could do. "I'm okay." He sniffed unconvincingly. "Are you sure buddy, you have a nasty gash on your head." He dabbed at his forehead and as if noticing the cut for the first time he began to wail uncontrollably. It was all I could do not to jump out of the car and run to him, but I didn't want to scare him. "What happened buddy?" I asked soothingly. "Is there someone I can call or some place I can take you?" I offered. He was crying so hard now that his frail body shook and I was afraid he would collapse. I decided it was time to act, I slid across the seat and slowly opened my car door. He just stood sobbing as if unaware of his surroundings. I stepped out and stood up calling softly to him. "It's okay buddy. I want to help you." I said softly as I stood beside my car. I had a box of tissues in the car and I reached inside and grabbed a handfull. "Can I see the cut buddy?" "Please don't hurt me." He pleaded in a small voice. "I promise I won't hurt you..let me just get a good look at it okay buddy?" I said in a soothing voice. He continued to sob, but nodded his approval and I slowly walked over to where he stood. I looked around to see if anyone was nearby, but at this time of night the downtown streets were deserted. Not that I cared if anyone saw me helping the boy, but some people always got the wrong idea when a man approached a boy. As I got closer the boy looked up at me wiping his grimy face again. He wasn't crying as hard now and he had stopped shaking. I gently pushed back his dirty hair and looked at the wound on his cute forehead. I gently wiped the blood away with a tissue and decided the wound wasn't deep. It was actually more of a scratch. Just one of those superficial cuts that look worse than they are. "It's not bad. Just a scratch. You will be fine, little buddy. Can you tell me what happened?" I said softly trying to reassure him and maybe get some information out of him. He just shook his head. He wasn't crying now just sort of sniffing and dry-heaving. I felt so bad for him, I hated seeing a kid in so much pain. I wanted so badly to hug him and comfort him but, still I was unsure. I bent down on one knee and got at eye level with him. I had found out a long time ago that talking down to a kid is bad. Put yourself on their level, it works wonders. "My name is Bob" I offered. "What's your name?" "J..i.m.m.y" He said slowly between spasms. "Glad to meet you." I said sticking out my hand. He shyly shook my hand and just nodded. "Where are you going Jimmie?" I asked staring into his sad face. "I..(sniff)...don't know." He said slowly. I had never heard such a hopeless sad voice in all my life. I sighed, maybe a bit too loudly. Because he looked uncomfortable and frowned. I tried to rethink my questions. Giving him yes and no answers I decided was best. "Are you going home?" I asked suddenly. "NO!!" He all but shouted, a look of anger and fear coming across his face. "Okay, okay." I said softly trying to soothe him. "Are you lost?" "Uh....I don't know." He said looking around. "Maybe." "Did you run away from home?" I ask almost dreading his answer. He looked me squarely in the eyes and nodded. Then hugged himself rubbing his skinny body and rocking back and forth. I knew that something at home had caused him to be this scared, this hurt and I could only guess what kind of hell he had gone through. I decided to help him in the only way I could. I didn't care if it was wrong or right or even if I got into trouble doing it. I had to help this kid. I had seen his kind before, abused, unloved, and hopeless. Most kids like this didn't stand a chance...this kid was going to be different if I could help it. I stared at the frail dirty little boy before me and wondered how differently he would look if he was fed and happy for once. I couldn't heal all his wounds but I could fill his empty little tummy. "Are you hungry?" I asked watching him closely. He shook his head in afirmation and looked so fragile. "I know your folks have probably told you not to ever go anywhere with strangers, and it's a good idea. But, I need you to trust me, can you do that buddy?" I asked looking him in the eyes. He nodded. I stood and reached for his hand. He took it and gripped it tightly. He moved up beside me and for a moment hugged me tightly. I felt the tears well up in my eyes, but I wanted to be strong for him. I held back the tears and guided him to the car. I closed the door and went around to my side and climbed in. I leaned over and buckled him in and for the first time he smiled. It wasn't a big smile, just a little smile to let me know he was okay for the moment. My heart soared, to think I had helped in some way. I drove us to an all-night diner not far away and we sat at a booth in the back. He seemed embarassed at his dirty disheaveled looks but, I don't think anyone even noticed us. He seemed too confused to order, so I ordered for him. Soon the waitress brought him a cheeseburger, fries, and chocolate shake. He wolfed the food down quickly, his green eyes flashing appreciatively at me. When he had safely tucked the food away he looked much better. Nothing robs a kid of his spirit like hunger. A well fed kid is a happy kid, my mom alwasy used to say. I ask him if he wanted desert and he decided on a piece of coconut cream pie, I ordered one too and we had a coke to go with it. He looked almost normal by the time the pie was safely inside his little tummy. He smiled again and looked up at me with those incred- ible eyes. "Thanks." He said shyly. "You're nice." "You're welcome buddy." I said smiling back. "I always try to be nice to kids. I don't get along with adults that well though. My friends say I'm just a big kid trapped inside an adult's body." I laughed. He giggled softly and his voice was music to my ears. How could anyone hurt this precious soul. It was obvious that he was a sweet sensitive kid who just needed someone to love him. I made a decision at that moment, and I hoped he would agree. "Since you won't tell me where you are going." I began. "And if you won't tell me where I can take you.....I suggest you go home with me and then we can sort this thing out." "Okay." He said quickly. It was that simple. "Okay" he said, god how simple some things are for a kid. I was glad he trusted me and I vowed not to violate that trust. I paid the check and we drove to my house. I opened the garage door and drove inside. Although I lived in a secluded area I didn't want to risk anyone seeing a kid enter my house. Years of phobia had caused me to be somewhat overcautious, although my intentions were purely honorable. We climbed out and I led Jimmy inside. He looked around curiously at my house and smiled a weak smile. "It's nice." He said softly. "Your house is nice." "Thanks, it's comfortable. Come on I'll show you around." I took him on a tour of the house pointing out the bathroom and asking him if he needed to go. He did of course and I waited outside the door for him. He came back out and looked up shyly at me. I wondered if this was the first time an adult had ever been nice to him. Sometimes the way adults treat kids just sucks. I personally always tried to treat kids as equals, and I vowed to try even harder in the future. "Are you tired little buddy?" I asked noticing a half hidden yawn. "A little, but can we stay up awhile?" He asked softly. "Sure, but how about this. I don't mean to be rude, but you kind of stink and I think a bath would make you feel a lot better." I suggested. He blushed and looked small and tragic. I felt so bad for him and before I could stop myself I reached out and hugged him. I half way expected him to pull away but instead he melted into me and sobbed uncontrollably. I knelt down and hugged him close patting him and uttering soft soothing sounds to him. He quieted after awhile and began dry sobbing. I think the kid was almost cried out. I stood and looked down at his frail dirty form and reached for his hand. Like a little child he took it and I led him into the master bath. It had a whirlpool tub and I figured a nice hot bath would help soothe and relax him. I stepped over and began running the tub full of water, adjusting the temperature to what I felt was just right for a kid his age. He watched curiously as I adjusted the jets and as I turned to him he looked at me questioningly. Then he did the most amazing thing, he reached out for me to pull his shirt off. I pulled it over his dirty hair and a putrid odor hit my nostrils. I tossed the shirt on the floor and he stood with his arms up. I slowly unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them down, once again assaulted with his odor. He stood in dirty pee-stained briefs that were ripped in so many places, I don't know why he even bothered with them. I looked questionly at him and he offered no answer as to whether I should continue. I decided it was no big deal, an adult bathing a child, and I reached down and removed his underwear. I tried not to stare at his nakedness, but I did notice several bruises and what appeared to be burn marks. I suddenly hated whoever had done this to this precious child and I wanted to protect him from them at all cost. I helped him as he stepped into the tub and as he turned I saw the marks on his skinny behind. Huge red hand prints, fresh I guessed. How long would a hand print stay on a butt? I didn't know, I had not experience in this area. He sighed as he slipped into the warm water and looked at me timidly. "Will you rubba dub me?" He said sounding smaller and more fragile than before. I laughed softly. "Sure." As I grabbed the soap and a wash cloth. Let me tell you, this kid was dirty. I scrubbed every inch of his lean little body and washed his hair twice before I was satisfied. The water looked muddy when at last he stood to step out. He looked and smelled so much better and I swear his eyes now sparkled as a little smile parted his lips. I grabbed a big soft towel and wrapped him in it. I sat on the toliet seat as he stood between my legs and I dried him off. He leaned in close and before I knew it he had kissed my cheek. I blushed but smiled and he looked almost happy. I towelled his hair and grabbed a brush and tried to work the tangles out. He was patient with me but obviously it hurt as I accidently pulled his hair from time to time. Finally I had his hair somewhat presentable and he pulled away to look at himself in the mirror. Standing naked he stood on tip toes and peered at himself smiling proudly. I wondered how long it had been since he had bathed. "Now, I gotta find you something to wear. I'll wash your clothes so you will have something to put on tomorrow." I dug out an old t-shirt of mine, that was way to small but I kept it for sentimental reasons. It had been given to me by a young friend years ago, and even then it was too small but, I kept it all these years because it reminded me of him. I had no shorts small enough for Jimmy but, I had some bikini underwear that was impossibly small for me. A past lover had bought them for me and I never got around to exchanging them. They were navy blue and made of soft silky fabric. I offered them to Jimmy with my apologies for now having anything better but, he seemed pleased with them. I must admit the bikinis looked absolutely fantastic on him and I was sorry when he put on the t-shirt covering them up. "Uh, Bob?" Jimmy asked in a small voice. "Do you have anything to eat?" "Yeh, buddy. Let's go into the kithchen and see what we can rustle up." One more thing about boys, they are always hungry. He decided on cereal and as he sat at the table munching on Captain Crunch I sat across from him and watched his sweet face. He looked embarassed and smiled across at me. "What?" He asked licking his spoon. "I'm sorry." I said blushing. "I was just enjoying watching you eat. You look so much happier than when I first saw you." He smiled and shoveled in some more cereal. He had two bowls before his tummy was full and then he wanted to watch some tv. We settled down on the couch and he watched the cartoon channel. Like a favorite cat he crept closer as we watched until finally he was leaning on me. I patted him gently and sensing my approval he suddenly climbed into my lap. I was amazed at how quickly he had taken to me. I wrapped my arms around him and he held my arms in his soft small hands. Presently he leaned back and rubbed his soft head on my face. I smelled the clean shampoo smell and instinctively placed a small kiss on his head. He turned his face to me and reaching up with his little hand he tilted my face down and kissed me gently on the cheek. He leaned back against my chest and presently his breathing slowed and I could hear his gently snoring. He had fallen asleep in my warm and safe embrace. I sat there for almost an hour before finally carrying him to my bed. I laid him down gently and covered him up, placing a kiss on his forehead. The scratch was almost invisible now and had quit bleeding. I tip-toed out of the room and went in to collect my thoughts. What had I done? Basically it amounted to kidnapping in the eyes of the law. I had taken his clothes off, touched his body (even though it was only to bathe him) and now I had him in my bed. I laughed insanely to myself, "I am one screwed individual." I said aloud. I had no idea what I would do tomorrow, I didn't know if the police were out looking for the kid, or if his folks just didn't care. I knew one thing, I wasn't gonna get much sleep tonight. My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by 65 pounds of boy pouncing on my lap. "I was scared." He began. "I thought you left me." Looking a little teary eyed. "Awww...buddy. I wouldn't leave you. I just wanted you to get some rest." I said hugging him. "Come sleep with me...please." He begged. "What the hell?" I thought to myself. "I can't be in any worse trouble." "Okay, buddy. Give me a minute. I need a shower and a shave. You go on back and get in bed...I'll be there in bit." "Okay, but hurry." Jimmy said twisting his hair. "K...be right there...I promise." I shaved and stripped off my clothes and hopped into the shower stall in my bathroom. I took a quick shower and as I stepped out I noticed Jimmy was standing in front of the toliet peeing. I didn't say a word as I towelled off and blow dried my hair. Jimmy finished peeing and just sort of stood waiting. I tried not to act like I was modest , but I was a little. I shook out some baby talc and dusted my butt and privates and he sort of chuckled. "What's that for." Jimmy asked curiously. "Keeps me dry and makes me smell baby fresh." I laughed. He looked thoughtful and sort of stared as I slipped on a pair of clean boxers. I turned and ushered him out the door and off to the bedroom. We climbed in on either side of the king size bed, and I pulled the covers up over us. "Night buddy." I said softly. "Night." He replied. I couldn't make my mind stop working, playing the whole thing over and over and wondering what the hell I was thinking. Meanwhile Jimmy kep moving closer and closer until he was touching me. I felt his soft hand on my chest and I smiled to myself. "This is what it is all about." I thought to myself..."The love of a boy, and all it took was treating him as he should be treated." I suddenly felt at peace and I began to drift off to sleep. In the darkness my little buddy snuggled closer and he too fell into peacefull slumber, maybe for the first time in a long time. As the world went about it's business we slumbered on, somehow aware of each other. We lay entwined , our souls and our destinies forever joined. End Chapter one