Date: Wed, 14 Nov 2001 17:35:07 -0800 From: Robert Just Robert Subject: Lost in fear-Chapter Eleven Lost in fear Chapter Eleven "Don't you love me anymore?" I awoke slowly and at first tried to convince myself it had all been a dream. But with my escalading conciousness came the realization of what I had done. I wondered if Joe would wake and feel the same shame that I felt. If he did he would surely tell someone and my life with Jimmy would be over. I found myself near tears as I rose to relieve my aching bladder. I limped into the bathroom and with shaking hands I held my sinfull member as I drained the posion from my body. I finished and as always I stood at the sink to wash my hands. As I was reaching for the towel Joe entered and without a word walked to the toliet and began relieving himself. "Ahhhh, that feels better." He giggled as he finished and tucked his now drained penis away. "Hi, Dad....did you sleep well?" He added giving me a hug that almost caused me to tumble. "Sure, did you?" I returned cautiously. "Yeah, really good. I was really tired." He said pulling back and looking me in the eye. He winked and smiled an incredible smile that washed all my fears and sin away. I pulled him into me and hugged him and kissed the top of his head. He melted into my embrace and we were still hugging when Jimmy came in sleepy-eyed to relieve his own bladder. He yawned and ignored us until he was finished then leaned into us both and joined the hug. I was so lucky to have the love of these two angels and I felt my body mending under their loving touch. We broke finally as the smell of Doty's heavenly breakfast filled the air. We went into the dining room, the boys on either side of me helping me along. After breakfast the boys begged to go riding and I agreed, on the condition that they stay off the jumps. They hugged me and ran off leaving me to my thoughts. Dad took Doty into town later and I was truly alone for the best part of the day. It gave me a lot of time to think about what had happened with Joe and what the future might hold. I made a promise to myself to try to avoid situations where we might be tempted to repeat the events of the night before. I didn't want Joe to be faced with that kind of decision again. I knew he had given himself freely and with love, but he was too special for me to risk harming him in any way. I was content to let things lie as they were and tried to push them out of my mind. Monday I was supposed to get my leg cast off and I couldn't wait to scratch my leg properly. It had begun to itch the minute they put the cast on. Try not scratching an itch for six weeks and you will know what I mean. I hoped that in a few weeks I would be back up on my feet and back to normal. I had a lot of living to do, and I was anxious to get on with it. I smiled and popped in a video and before I knew it, I had fallen asleep. I awoke to two dirty, sweaty boys giggling and tickling my nose with a piece of grass. I popped one eye open and made a grab at Jimmy. He fell into my arms giggling as I tickled him. Joe joined the mele and I had to warn them of my injuries to get them off me. I sent them off to take a shower and I napped a bit more. I woke to silence and wondered what the boys were up to. I went into the bathroom but all that remained of them was their dirty clothes scattered here and there and wet towels hung in various places. I smiled and groaned wondering where they had gotten off to. It didn't take long to find them. I heard their muffled giggles and peeked into the den. There stretched out on the pallets they had slept on the night before were my two boys. At first I thought they were wrestling or just enjoying each other touch as they lay underneath the quilts. But I stopped in my tracks when I heard their intimate words. "Suck me..." I heard my son say in a soft lusty voice that sent chills down my spine. "You suck me too...." I heard Joe's sweet voice reply in the same soft tone. There was some movement beneath the covers and then the covers were thrown back. I gasped and felt my cock grow rigid as I witnessed their coupling. They greedily gobbled down each other's hard boyhood and the sounds of wet slurping and sucking reverberated around the room. I could feel the sexual tension in the room and I swore I could smell the raw, musky odor of their sex. I found it hard to breathe as I watched, suddenly afraid to move for fear that I would be discovered watching, even though my intrusion was unintentional. My hand involuntarily went to my own throbbing member and I rubbed at it absent-mindedly. Realizing what I was doing I forced my hand away and brought my hand to my brow to wipe the sweat that had suddenly broke out there. The boys were louder now, moaning in ectasy around each other's cock. I watched as the boys rubbed each other's back and butt wiggling in lust. I felt their desperation build as they neared orgasm and they were a fury of arms, legs and mouths moaning and dancing on the floor. Then their was a muffled whine from one of the boys as he orgasmed, followed almost immediately by the other. They were so in tune with each other that they had managed an almost simultaneous orgasm. I gasped as I realized that I too had orgasmed, without touching my engorged flesh. I panicked, afraid they would hear my muffled cry and I quickly exited. I went into the bathroom once more and cleaned up. I peed and went back into the living room. Presently the boys joined me, dressed in shorts and shirtless and looking smug. They were flushed and sweaty and their hair stuck to their foreheads in a cute way. I smiled at them and ask them what they had been up to. "Playing." Jimmy said grinning at Joe. "Yeah, playing." Joe said adding a wink for me, but Jimmy caught it and gave him a puzzled look. "Did you guys have a good time riding?" I ask, then thinking it might have two meaning, I blushed. This got the boys excited about their earlier adventures and they shared their day. I listened, feeling a smug sense of satisfaction knowing that I knew more than they were telling. A while later, Doty and Dad came home and Joe had to go. Dad drove him home and afterwards we settled back into our usual routine. Supper and bath time then off to bed. I was very tired and anxious to get into bed, but Jimmy seemed restless. Doty and Dad had been in bed for a half hour or so when Jimmy came down wearing only his baggy boxers. He was dragging a worn teddy bear that I had bought him soon after I found him. The bear, Mr. Bear had never left his side and it had seen it's share of love. I smiled and felt my heart melt as he climbed into bed with me and put Mr. Bear on my chest. He seemed younger suddenly, small and fragile, not the Jimmy he had become as of late. "Daddy, can I sleep with you tonight?" He ask in a small sweet voice. "What's wrong?" I ask with concern. He seldom ever made such a request, and usually only when he was sick or troubled. "Don't know." He said shyly. I pulled him into me and hugged him close. "Sure buddy, you don't have to have a reason. You know you are always welcome in my bed. I love you little bear and Mr. Bear too." I said smooching his teddy. He gigled and jerked the bear away and kissed it himself. "My teddy." He said gruffly. Then softened and kissed my face. "I wuv you daddy." He added in a silly voice. "I wuv you too." I replied returning his kiss. He settled down and was so quite that I thought he had fallen asleep. I was slowly drifting off myself when he suddenly spoke. "Daddy." He said softly. "Do you love Joe?" "Well, yes bud. Joe is a sweet kid and he is your buddy so, yeah I love him." I replied wondering what direction this conversation was headed. "Joe said....." He said softly. "That you....and him...did stuff." Jimmy said squeezing the words out shyly. I lay silent for some time feeling the same panic and shame that I had awoken with. I nodded and a tear formed in my eye. He wiped at he tear and brought his face so close to mine, I could feel his warm breath and it smelled of mint toothpaste. He kissed me sweetly on my lips and hugged my chest. "Why don't you......ever....want to do stuff with me?" He ask softly, the hurt deeply inbedded in his voice. "I love you son, I don't want to ever hurt you , I just can't think about that." I choked out. "It's just not right." "But, you did it with Joe. You said you love Joe. Don't you love me anymore?" He ask choking back the tears. "Oh, my god. Jimmy I love you more than the day I first met you. You are my heart and soul, my reason for living. With out you I would be dead inside. How can you ask that." I was crying openly now. "I'm sorry, I just don't understand. I'm just a stupid kid." He cried with me, our tears mingling on my chest. "No, you are not stupid. You are kind and smart and full of love. I am sorry that I was weak and let myself get out of control with Joe. It won't happen again." I said with sudden determination. "He stopped crying and sort of laughed nervously. "That's not what Joe thinks." "What?" "He thinks he is going to do it everytime he comes over and spends the night. He wants us to all do it." He said boldly. "We do stuff too, you know." He added almost defiantely. "Yes." I said simply. "But, that's different. You are both the same age and it's normal stuff for boys to experiment." "It's not normal. I know lots of boys who don't do it. Joe and I are gay." He said almost angrily. "You might as well accept it Dad, we are fags." He began crying again and I held him as he shook. "Even if you are gay, it doesn't matter. I love you anyway, you know that. And I love Joe, but I can't let my love get out of control. Do you understand?" "No." He said stubbornly. "I'm not done yet. I will make you love me that way. I'll keep trying till you do it." He added defiantly. He had stopped crying and was wiping his eyes and nose on his palms. I pulled some tissue out and held it as he blew his nose. I blew mine and we settled down. I was exhausted after the emotional sparring we had done and I fell asleep quickly with Jimmy nestled in my arms. End Chapter Eleven... Next...Dad and son?