Date: Fri, 12 Oct 2001 16:51:12 -0700 From: Robert Just Robert Subject: Lost in fear-Chapter seven Lost in Fear Chapter Seven I tried to forget that night, to move on and pretend that it didn't happen. It was easy as the days turned into weeks and finally the court date was almost upon us. We were both excited and nervous as we drove to the courthouse. Doty was a tower of strength for us both, I guess when you reach her age nothing is new. She smiled at us and straightened Jimmy's tie. I had insisted that we both wear a suit and tie, something that most little boys avoid like the plague. But, my little Jimmy actually liked dressing up. Doty teased him and told him he would probably make a good lawyer or preacher. Jimmy just smiled sweetly and looked so much older than his 11 years. We met Mr. Jacobs in the lobby of the courthouse and he ushered us into a small conference room. He opened his worn leather breifcase and pulled out some papers. "This is the brief I have filed with the court. It's the same one I had you sign and notarize. It's very short and to the point and Judge Grant has already had a chance to read it. I know him like a book and although he wouldn't give me the satisfaction of letting me know in advance, I'm sure he is prepared to sign it. It gives Bob, irrevocable gaurdianship of Jimmy." He said without emotion. I looked at Doty who was smiling and nodding. Jimmy was so excited he could barely remain still. "Doty, I have to ask you once again. Is this what you want..to grant custody of your grandson to Bob?" Mr. Jacobs asked looking over his glasses. "What, oh dear Miles (Mr. Jacobs first name) we have been over this a dozen times. Of course I want Jimmy and Bob to be together, they are a family now. Land sakes I don't think either one of em' could stand it if anyone tried to keep em' apart." Doty said in a chastising voice. "The sooner this nonsense is done with the sooner we can get on with our lives. Heaven knows I aint got much time left." "Don't say that Doty." I said taking her hand. "I expect Doty will outlive us all." Mr. Jacobs laughed. "She is too mule headed to die." We all laughed and suddenly a knock came on the door. A slender, balding man peeked in and said "They are ready for you folks now." Mr. Jacobs gathered up the papers and led us to the courtroom. There was no audience, just a stenographer and a deputy. Mr. Jacobs led us to a table and we all sat down. The deputy announced the arrival of the judge and ask us all to stand. I watched as Judge Howard entered and sat heavily at his desk. He was a big man, balding and maybe 50 or so. He had sparkling blue-grey eyes that made him look both kind and jovial. He banged his gavel and convienced the proceedings. From somewhere the slender balding man from earlier had appeared and began to read the petition. I listened nervously as my name was mentioned and that of Jimmy. I thought about how I had felt that first night when I met Jimmy. How that scared little boy had changed my life. I almost missed the Judge asking me to stand up. I stood feeling nervous and somewhat vulnerable as the Judge. spoke. "Mr. McKinney, is it true that you have petitioned this court for the custody of Jimmy Hughes?" He asked mechanically. "Yes, your honor." I managed to choke out. "Usually the court would ignore the desires of a minor child, but I feel compelled to ask the young man a few questions. Jimmy, I'd like for you to join me in my chambers." Judge Howard said smiling at Jimmy. "Okay." Jimmy stuttered nervously. The Judge exited as we stood and the deputy escorted Jimmy to the Judge's chamber. I thought nervously to myself that this couldn't be good, but Mr. Jacobs was all smiles. "When Jimmy gets through with Miles he will be a pussycat." He laughed. I smile nervously and looked at Doty who seemed unaffected by it all. Fifteen minutes later Judge Howard re-entered the courtroom and Jimmy quickly took his place beside me. We exchanged a quick smile and Jimmy took my hand. I felt nervous and self-concious as I was asked to rise once more. "Mr. McKiney, this court has reviewed all the pertenant documents, and after interviewing Jimmy here, I have decided to grant custody of young Jimmy here for six months." My heart sank at first but he continued. " At the end of that time I will review the case and make my final ruling. For now, in the eyes of the law, you are father and son. Enjoy yourself." The last part was said with so much warmness that I almost forgot that Jimmy was only mine temporarily. After the Judge had exited I turned to Mr. Jacobs. "What went wrong?" I asked dejectedly. "What...oh, that. I fully expected that. He has every intention of granting full custody. He is just playing the game. If I know him, he will probably call a second hearing in a month or so and grant you final custody. Don't worry. Like the Judge says, go home and enjoy your son. As for me, I have an appointment with a t-bone steak would you three like to join me?" "Can we daddy?" Jimmy asked excitedly. How could I refuse. At the steak place I calmed down a bit and by the time our food came I felt pretty good. Jimmy ate his steak, and fries but picked at his salad. I could see I was going to have to work at it to get him to eat right. After all, now that I was his dad it was my duty to take good care of him. I smiled to myself and Jimmy caught my eye. He smiled really big, exposing a mouth full of half chewed meat. He giggled as I garbbed him and we hugged. Doty and Mr. Jacobs looked on smiling thoughtfully. They recognized the bond Jimmy and I had formed and it seemed to spill over into their hearts as well. They were good people and I was lucky not only to have met Jimmy but, to have met Doty and Miles as well. I smiled contentedy and ate my steak. Back at the farm, Jimmy couldn't wait to get out of his suit and into his jeans. He left a trail of clothes from his door to his bed and I scolded him gently and he reluctantly picked them up. "So, Bear...what do we do now? I mean I guess it's kind of official. I mean us being father and son." I said pulling him into a hug. "Know what?" He said looking up at as if he had some great secret to reveal. "What buddy?" "That first night, when you took me to your house. I knew I was always gonna be with you. I think God sent you. When I prayed...you were the one he sent." He looked small and seemed about to cry. A tiny tear ran down his cheek. I found my eyes were wet as well as I picked him up and gave him a bear hug. I kissed his cheek, unable to speak for now. He smiled up at me and rubbed his nose against mine. I just held him until his slight weight began to tire me out. I sat him down and he smiled then ran out of the room, off to play on the farm. I found myself alone and very thoughtfull. A lot had happened in such a short time. It occurred to me that I had not told my own father about Jimmy or the adoption. I asked myself why I had omitted that part of my life from my father. My father had guessed that I was gay, but it had never affected our relationship. He told me that nothing could ever make him stop loving me...nothing. But, the couldn't know about my other desires, the ones I had to keep in check especially now. It was all too dark and evil to bring to light. I had not acted on my desires, but I knew that if they were given a place to breed they would consume me. For Jimmy's sake I had to keep them supressed. I decided to call my dad. My father was both hurt and happy to find that I had become a father. Of course this made him a grandfather, despite the fact that he kept repeating that he was too young to be a grandpa. After a while he warmed up and before we had hung up he made plans to visit us. I told him I would look forward to it and I was sure Jimmy would love to meet his grandpa. He laughed and repeated the word over and over. I think he had begun to warm up to the idea. I knew he would be the best grandpa in the world. As always I had a warm pearceful feeling when I finished talking with my dad. I sat on my bed and my mind went back to a time long ago. I could see our old house and I was in my bed. Surrounded by the stuff a boy treasures. I was laying on my bed and I was masturbating. I had just learned about it from a friend and I was determined to practice till I got it right. I had my pants down and was laying on the bed with my eyes closed. I didn't hear the door open or realize anyone was there until someone sat down heavily on my bed. My eyes flew open, it was my father. I had been caught doing a sinful thing by my father, and I was terrified. My friend had warned me of the dangers of being discovered. I was frozen, my hand still attached to my hairless , deflating cock. It wasn't big, maybe three inches but it could get so hard it was like a piece of stone. I watched my father's face, as my own blushed to bright red and my eyes began to tear up. My father was smiling........my god...he wasn't mad. I continued to watch as he turned and looked directly at my cock. Though not as hard as when I had began, it was still standing at attention. My hand was not moving but the grip I had on it keep the blood surging. Curiously it seemed he reached out and rubbed my smooth, naked flesh. My cock jumped and I wanted to crawl away and die. What must he think of me. But, he did not scold me, he smiled again and winked. He seemed to think for a moment then, he stood and said the most amazing thing. "You are getting to be a big boy now, and sex is part of life. Don't ever let anyone tell you it is bad. It is normal and natural and as long as no one gets hurt it is no one's business but yours and your partners. If you have any questions, any at all, ask me. I will be honest with you and make no judgements. And not matter what you do, I will always love you. Do you understand?" I nodded. He stood and walked out, but before closing the door he said. "I will knock from now on. A guy deserves his privacy." Then he was gone and I was left with a handfull of growing boy cock. I don't remember if I finished masturbating or not. But, I never felt bad about doing it ever again. I hoped I could be that cool with Jimmy. My father was the most amazing man I had ever known. One of my lovers once ask me if I ever had sexual fantasies about my father. I answered honestly that I had not, but I felt deep inside that I would have done anything he would have ask of me...anything. I wondered if Jimmy felt that way about me. It was a dangerous imbalance of power. When I had been a boy, I never considered how little power I had. I knew my dad loved me and took care of me, but I never really had any power. Just as Jimmy had no power over his life. The difference was that the people with the power in his life didn't love him. They used him for thier own benefit and sick desires. I made a solemn oath to myself...that I would never abuse the power I had with Jimmy. He was my son, and I wanted him to have the same kind of life I had had. As I snapped out of my funk, I wondered why I had never remebered that day before now. It was as clear as if it had happened yesterday, but until today I had no memory of it. I wondered what else I had forgotten over the years. I was brought back to reality by an arm full of warm soft boy, jumping on me and giggling as he tickled his daddy. End of part seven.......more to come.