Date: Sat, 14 Mar 2009 14:11:38 -0700 From: StoryDad Subject: Love on the Net (part 1) ============================= Love on the Net ============================ Copyright: 2009; All rights reserved. Comments: Email can be sent to StoryDad@gmail.com Flames, hate mail, and similar things will be ignored. ========================================================================== Dedicated to a beautiful loving boy whose man doesn't appreciate what he has and is unknowningly throwing away. ========================================================================== CHAPTER 1 ========================================================================== Is it possible to fall in love with someone that you have never met face-to-face? At first thought the answer seems all too obvious. His name is Rick, but I have taken to calling him Ricky because he prefers that when we spend time together. We first met in one of those chat rooms that abound on IRC, men4boys, boys4men, I forget which one at the moment. I think I messaged him first but it might have been the other way around. His screen name was Rick94, so I did the math in my head - 15 years old (unless he was a fake I cautioned myself). As is usual we chatted a bit carefully at first, feeling each other out trying to see if there was any point to a more detailed conversation. Neither of us had asked the usual initial questions "asl?" or "stats?". I had always been far more interested in what was inside a person than what was on the outside although it seemed that all too few people agreed with me. It soon became apparent however that he thought the same way. He talked about his feelings, how he felt inside, not asking me how many inches I had or telling me what position he liked to be in. Yes he had a man he said but at the same time the words appearing on my screen hinted that perhaps there was something he was still searching for beyond that. After a while we had the expected bit of fun that is the reason men and boys usually chat with each other online. We both went away contented, I thought that would be all there was to it. But then a few days later I saw him online again and it happened - the mere sight of his name on the list of users and my body reacted. I had not even said hello and yet I reacted. I was getting older, it took a lot more than just six alphanumeric characters on a screen to cause me to react nowadays but the pronounced evidence was unmistakable. What about him was causing this to take place? Certainly the first time we had spoken it had been very pleasurable, definitely better than average, intense even. His words had seemed to touch something inside me that had not been touched in uncounted years, if ever. My response surprised me, so I messaged him to say hello. I did not expect any special sort of reply, at best perhaps just a simple "hello" and more likely no response at all. Certainly I did not expect him to remember me out of the dozens of other people he undoubtedly talked to online. The boys online (or the fake boys I reminded myself again) never recalled anyone after more than about twenty-four hours. Chatting online is about as impersonal as bumping into someone in a darkened room - a bit of groping, some heavy breathing, and fifteen minutes later you have drifted apart never to meet again. It is the rule and the exceptions are sufficiently rare enough to be only the stuff of legend. But then he messaged me back, he remembered me, he was happy to see me, and he started to tell me how special our previous conversation had been for him. All I had to do was look in my lap to know that it had been equally memorable for me, but to hear that it had been the same for him was surprising to say the least. Then he started to tell me more about himself, some not-so-innocent touching that had been done to him when he was younger that he had felt uneasy about at the time, and then a couple of years afterwards meeting "his man", the only man he had ever had and the man he was still with. It became more and more obvious from the words, the feelings that came through with the words, this was not a fake boy, this was the real thing. Men can easily fake being a boy online when it comes to describing sweaty activity but they are uniformly terrible at faking the emotions of a boy and I had seen more than enough over the years to be able to tell the difference. I responded back as he wrote and feelings inside me that I had kept buried started to come out into the open. It had been twenty years since I had been with a boy even remotely close to his age, but the memory and longing had never gone away. Even back then it had been more a case of lust than love. I knew I was different than most men in wanting love not sex but had ended up settling for lust that one amazing time years ago. But what boy is interested in love? They want to explore, feel and enjoy the new sensations, experiment and try out all the new things that they can do, and who can blame them. But love? That is not on the minds of boys. And what did he want chat about when it came time again for having fun? Was it about body parts colliding? About how big I was and whether it would fit or not? About how I should use him hard, take control, and force him to release? No, he wanted to talk about what was in his head, he wanted me to tell him what was in my head, eyes looking into eyes, the words that would pass between us if we were laying together and our lips touching, the feeling of arms around him holding him close, how his skin might burst into flame just from being beside me - we were both awash in descriptions and emotions. It was unlike anything I had experienced before and I could not stop thinking about it even the next day. A few days later I connected my machine to the internet again and logged into IRC. Before attaching to the usual channels I took a chance and looked for his ID. There he was. But there was something strange about the status response that I was reading on the screen. He was not attached to any of the channels and his idle time was over half an hour. Perhaps he was just away from the keyboard I thought but then I messaged him anyway. He responded instantly. Then words I never expected to see appeared on the screen. "I've been waiting for you." It has been that way ever since and it has been a couple of months now. Neither of us connects to the channels anymore. If the other is not there we just wait and hope. We do not bother looking around; it is just not worth it. Everything else is so empty now in comparison. It was empty before but now it is hellish going through the charade and pretending while simultaneously knowing what it could be like if only we were on together. The feelings between us are growing increasingly intense. The mere thought of him now, even in the middle of the day while I am at work makes me react. He is under my skin, he is in my mind, and I would not have it any other way. He tells me the same thing is happening to him, when he is at school, when he is home at night. I am afraid to ask if he thinks of me when he is with his man. I am scared what the answer might be. We are thousands of miles apart, there is an international border between us, we have never even seen each other, all we have are our words, but I can feel him inside me. He tells me that even though he has a man he wants me, that he needs me. He has told me things about how he feels inside that he has not even told his own man. Somehow the distance between us makes it easier for us both to admit the truth of what we are feeling, what we have both kept bottled up inside us hidden from the world. He has bared his soul to me and I to him. There is a connection between us somehow, the mere thought of him, the simple sight of his name appearing on the screen showing that he is waiting, and my heart leaps and my body reacts. When I get home from work late and he is already online and I connect to IRC the words of relief that he types that I am finally there with him, they are so profound and so nakedly and unashamedly honest. Last night he told me that he is in love with me. That lately his man has been rather distant with him. I hesitated before replying, what should I say in reply? I do not want to cause problems for him between him and his man. That is real, this is ... well it is not quite real. It probably never can be real. I do not want him to loose a special relationship but I know that sometimes men tire of a boy when he starts getting older. Is that what is happening with his man? I do not want him to ever be hurt. What should I say? I am the older one, the more mature one; I need to be responsible, sensible, I must protect him against all others that might hurt him including me. My fingers began to type and the enter key was pressed. Is it possible to be in love with someone that you have never met? With someone that you probably will never see face-to-face? "I'm in love with you too Rick," the screen said. And I knew that it was true.