Date: Sun, 26 Apr 2009 12:21:06 -0700 From: StoryDad Subject: Love on the Net (chapter 8) ============================= Love on the Net ============================ Copyright: 2009; All rights reserved. Comments: Email can be sent to StoryDad@gmail.com Flames, hate mail, and similar things will be ignored. ========================================================================== CHAPTER 8 ========================================================================== For the rest of the week while I continued attending the conference it was the same every day. Gradually I was able to concentrate better on the proceedings and absorb the material being presented but the sun no longer shone for me. The light had run out of my hotel room in a pair of size seven running shoes and I knew that it would not be coming back no matter how much I might want it to. I tried to content myself with the fact that I had been incredibly fortunate to be with Ricky for one night but every evening when I returned to my empty room it only reminded me of what I had gained and then subsequently had to give up. After the closing Friday session of the conference I packed my suitcase in preparation for heading out to catch the early morning flight back home the next morning. I had left my laptop connected to IRC each night but there had been no sign of Ricky online. I understood though. My boy was smart. For us to be this close to each other but to not be able to be together was torture for me and I knew that it had to be even worse for Ricky. If we had talked while I was still so this at hand the pain would have been too much for either of us to hold up under. I finished folding up my shirts and laid them in the suitcase. Suddenly the phone rang. Only one person other than my office knew where I was and there would be no reason for the office to be calling me. My heart leapt as I ran and grabbed for the phone. Could it be? "Hello?" I said with a note of desperation in my voice but the other end of the line was silent. "Hello," I repeated but the line still remained silent. Listening more carefully I could make out the sounds of heavy laboured breathing. It had to be. There was no other explanation. It could only be one person. It was Ricky, my boy! "I love you Ricky," I said into the silent telephone. "No matter how far apart we are I will always love you." The phone remained silent for a moment and then I heard three words barely above a whisper and then the phone went dead. "Always and forever." The misery of our parting once again hit me full force and I knew that my boy was hurting too but at the same time we were still unshakably connected by a bond that remained strong. I knew that this weekend was when his man was going to try and make my boy into something that he was not. My blood ran cold now whenever I thought of this man touching Ricky. Trying to make my boy feel dirty. Using him. Defiling him. Hurting him. I was angry but at the same time I knew that there was nothing I could do. Ricky's home was here, mine was 2,500 miles away and in a different country. I could not have my boy with me no matter how much the two of us might want it. I tried to sleep but only tossed and turned endlessly. Finally just before dawn I gave up. I got up, washed, and dressed. I put the last of my things into my suitcase. I went down to the lobby, checked out, and took a cab to the airport. I was grateful that Ricky had called last night even if it made the anguish rear up again inside me but I knew that we both would treasure that final moment of brief contact between us. The fact that I was going to be flying back home and away from my boy was not going to deaden the aching feeling in me, in fact it only made it worse. I knew that I would never see Ricky again. Fate had been wonderful to me, allowing me to see my boy, to be with him for one glorious night. And now fate was tearing me apart as quickly as it had made me believe in miracles. The flight back home was long and uneventful and I tried to read a book but an hour later after I had reread the same page about five times I realized it was hopeless. I stared out the window beside me at the featureless expanse of white cloud below and I could only think about one thing. Ricky. In time I knew that I would remember only the happiness of our night together, my boy's enthusiastic smile, his joyful giggles, the touch of his gentle hands, his cries of ecstasy, but for now all I could feel was the heartache of our parting. I changed planes in Toronto and with the three hours of time zone differential I finally arrived back home in the middle of the afternoon. I picked up my car from the parking lot and drove to my house. It was good to be back in my own place after the long journey but following that one beautiful unforgettable evening when I was permitted to visit paradise it was going to seem very empty all by myself. I opened my suitcase and threw my dirty clothes into the washing machine. I took the manuals and papers that I had picked up at the conference and stacked them next to the front door so that I would remember to take them to work with me on Monday. After removing the rest of my things remaining in the bottom of my suitcase I found an envelope that I did not remember seeing before or recall putting there. There was something written on the front of the envelope in a hand that I did not recognize. I bent closer to read it. "Because I know you will appreciate it even if he doesn't." I knew that it had to be Ricky that wrote it but I did not understand what the words meant. I turned the envelope over and carefully unsealed it so that I could look inside. I lifted the flap up and spread the envelope open. Inside I could see several small tufts of light brown hair. I knew at once what it was. My boy had cut off some of the velvety soft hair that I had fondled so appreciatively and had sent it home with me. I held the envelope up to my nose and I was still able to catch a tiny hint of Ricky's scent that remained clinging to that beautiful hair. Tears came to my eyes as I looked at the most precious and intimate gift my boy could have given me short of himself. I also knew what it meant in other terms. From the amount of hair in the envelope I knew that there was no way his man could fail to miss that Ricky had used scissors and trimmed himself. There would be questions at least. Perhaps worse. Much as I treasured this most personal of gifts I became worried for my boy. Having been away from home for a week I busied myself for the rest of the day with going out and buying groceries, cleaning up the house, and similar things. I cooked some dinner for myself but once again it seemed bland. I realized that it was going to take me a long time for things to get back to feeling how they once did. To have loved and lost is better than never having loved at all but life does not continue the same way afterwards. I finished dinner and put the dishes in the dishwasher. I turned on my computer so that I could look through the email that had accumulated while I had been away. My usual collection of programs that I normally use started themselves automatically in the background. I was reading and replying to my mail when my machine beeped at me. I looked down at the dock at the bottom of the screen and one of the icons was bouncing and requesting my attention. It was my IRC client program. I immediately clicked on the bouncing icon to bring the program to the foreground so that I could check its status display to determine what the alert was. The cause was immediately obvious. My heart skipped a beat. "Signon detected: Rick94" My hands moved quickly and I requested an extended status display to verify if it was my boy and not someone coincidentally using the same screen name. I read the results as they printed out. The IP address and DNS information matched. It was Ricky. I opened a message window and typed in a short greeting message. My screen remained blank. One minute went by. Two minutes. Something was terribly wrong, I could feel it. Three minutes went by. I did another extended status display and I saw that the idle time on my boy's screen name was getting longer. That told me that he was not talking with someone else, Ricky was not talking with anyone. He was connected but just sitting there. My hands moved to the keyboard again. Just then the screen beeped. Rick94> Did you really mean what you said when we were talking after the lights were out? R-sMan> I meant every word of it. I still do. I love you and always will. Rick94> Even when I get older you will still want me? R-sMan> Even when you are taller than me and weigh more than me. I will still want you. Rick94> You will still let me be your boy even if I'm bigger than I am now? R-sMan> Always and forever, my love. I will never want anyone but you. Rick94> I went to his place today. I was going to try and talk to him. Tell him that I didn't want him to make me do things with his friend. R-sMan> How did that go? Rick94> At first he just sat and listened. I thought maybe he was going to agree. But then someone knocked on the door and his friend came in. I got scared. They both laughed at me. They told me I was going to like it. R-sMan> Did they hurt you? I guess things got very unpleasant for you after that. Rick94> I told them I didn't want to. He said I was his slut and that that I had to obey because he owned me. I said no I wasn't. That I didn't belong to him anymore. R-sMan> Don't let him make you think that's what you are. You're my beautiful brave boy. You won't ever be what he said. Rick94> He grabbed me and his friend came up behind me and started to pull my pants off. R-sMan> Oh my love, you don't have to tell me the horrible details. It will hurt you too much to have to relive it. Rick94> No I have to tell you. I want you to know what happened. I struggled. His friend tried to put it in me. I kicked and got loose. Then he saw that I'd cut my hair off. R-sMan> I found your special gift. It was so sweet of you. You know that I will treasure it always. Rick94> When he saw he got angry. He asked why I did it. I told him I gave it to someone that cares about me. He shouted at me, said I belonged to him and nobody else. They'd both been drinking a lot but they came after me. I ran and grabbed my pants off the floor. They weren't very steady on their feet and I managed to get to the door and get away. R-sMan> You got away! Oh my love, I'm so relieved!!! Rick94> My coat's still there but I ran and then got my pants back on. Then I walked home. It was a long way. My mom was out so she didn't see me when I got home fortunately. R-sMan> Oh thank goodness you're OK. But it was horrible nevertheless. How are you feeling? Rick94> When I got home I was shaking. Crying. Scared. He was never that aggressive before. I didn't know him anymore seeing him like that. R-sMan> Did he hurt you physically? Do you need medical help? Rick94> I'm OK. Just some bruises. His friend tried but he didn't get it in me. I feel so dirty now. R-sMan> My love you're not dirty, you're my brave beautiful boy. I don't know if I could have been as brave as you were. Rick94> Am I still your boy? Do you still feel the same way about me? Do you still want me even after everything that happened? R-sMan> I still want you. You will always be my boy. The question is do you still want me for your man? Rick94> Always and forever. R-sMan> On the day that you turn 18, if you look out your window I will be outside standing next to a car with the door open waiting for you. If you want me to. Rick94> It's a long time until then. It will be hard to wait. R-sMan> When's your 16th birthday? Rick94> In the summer. Why? R-sMan> Think you might like to have someone come and wish you happy birthday? Think you could get away during the day maybe? I could take a few days off from work and fly down to see you if you wanted. Rick94> REALLY???? That's only a few months away. I could see you again! But it would be expensive for you wouldn't it? R-sMan> Do you remember what we said to each other when we placed our hands on each other's hearts? Rick94> Yes. R-sMan> You're my boy. I'm your man. How could I not come and see you now. After you've been so brave. After you've made me so proud of you. Rick94> You would really come? All this way? Just to be with me? R-sMan> How about once in the summer, once at Christmas, and maybe again at spring break. And every year until you're 18. Then you can come and be with me. If you want to that is. Rick94> I WANT!!!!!!! *kiss* R-sMan> I can't be there every day for you, but I want to watch you grow. I want to hold your hand. I want to look in your eyes. I want to see that beautiful hair of yours that you cut off grow back. Rick94> And I want you. I want you to hold me. Touch me. I want you to take me and make love to me. Make me forget what happened today. R-sMan> Sit in my lap now my love and tell me everything that happened. Every horrible detail. And then we will put it behind us and only think of our future together. Rick94> If I sit in your lap you know what will start happening to me. *blush* R-sMan> How can a man be any more flattered than if his boy reacts just from simply sitting in his lap. *hugs* For the rest of the evening and long into the night my boy and I talked. He told me every sordid detail of his man's attempt to make him into something that he was not. He told me of his fear. That if he said 'no' his worries that he would have nothing and no one. His fear of having to try and find a new man. His worries that despite our words and feelings that we could never really be together. But in the end he told me that somehow he found the courage to stand his ground. Ricky is a very gentle boy and he said that he did not know where he found the courage to resist, but I knew. He had begun to find his courage while sitting at his computer and chatting. Then his courage grew stronger on a beautiful glorious night in a hotel room on the island of Manhattan. He had nourished that courage in my arms. It was not born of something particular that we had done, it was not created out of physical passion, it was not something that I had handed to him. It was something that exists only in the two hearts of two people that live only for the other's happiness. Is it possible to be in love with someone that you have never met? I felt that I knew but I confirmed the answer when I first saw Ricky in the airport when I landed at LaGuardia. I found the answer again in that hotel room when Ricky washed me and when we ate dinner. Then the answer became even more unmistakably clear when at last we made love together and afterwards when we just laid together in bed holding each other. It was that same answer that gave Ricky his courage. Love truly can conquer everything.