Date: Tue, 29 Apr 2003 09:24:56 +0800 From: mr malaprop Subject: Martin's Story This fictional story contains descriptions of sexual relationships between willing under-age participants and between men and under-age participants. If you shouldn't, don't. If you don't like it, stop. If you want to flame me, you're wasting your time. Especial thanks to Nicholas Nicholby who has goaded and encouraged and proofread and shown valour way beyond the call of duty. Thanks Nick. Comments and constructive criticism are welcome at mr_malaprop@graffiti.net The entire story is copyrighted c to Mr Malaprop 2003 Martin's Story By Mr Malaprop We shall not cease from exploration And the end of our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time. from Little Gidding by T S Eliot Prologue I have just been to the most wonderful funeral. It was a long journey but worth every moment and every single penny that it's cost. There was a time when I swore I wouldn't go when the time came but over the last twenty years or so my thinking has changed so much and so often, I can hardly keep track. For the last five years I have been adamant that if and when it happened I would be there. I think it has been good for me - it has been good for them as well. Now he is dead we can be a family. And now I have seen him in the hospice and I have seen him in the coffin and I have seen the coffin in the crematorium and I have seen the ashes scattered - now at last I can have some peace. I remember a therapist, many years ago now, talking about people finding closure and me so seething with hatred for him that I thought closure could never come for me. Finally I believe it has begun. Finally, maybe, I can be at peace - not yet, but I can see it on the horizon. I hope and pray that they can find their closure too, they deserve it as much as I do. I can't facilitate their closure for them but if they know of mine then that might help them their own. It is funny, when they met me at the airport she was like a little old woman, she can only be 60 something, I wonder why I have never known how old she is, perhaps I should ask. Anyway, she was a little old woman then and the other one looked old and bowed down as well and yet she is younger than me. They told me he didn't have long so we drove straight to the hospice and there he was. Dying. Old . . . and dying. I still hated him but I just wasn't scared any more. Part of me wanted revenge, part of me wanted to hurt him there, part of me wanted to make his last few hours of life absolute torture and agony. He was pathetic - a hulk, a shell with almost no life left. A husk might be better, a dry husk. Virtually but not quite lifeless. I could see him breathing, not much but a little. He was in a coma, he had been for days. He had a couple of monitor things attached to him which on the screen showed a slow, irregular heartbeat. We sat and chatted over him for a while. We talked about my journey and the young one's kids. The old woman didn't say anything. She just sat there and waited. None of us touched him. We sat there for an hour or two. I was tired after the flights but I wanted to be there, I wanted to be with them, I wanted to be present when it happened. I was happy to wait. I was happy that I arrived in time. Part of me wished I had been in time to speak to him before he lost consciousness. I could still speak, perhaps he could still hear somewhere, somehow. When the old woman went to the toilet I pulled my chair close and whispered in his ear for a couple of minutes. I just told him I was there and that I had come to see the end of it all. I hope he heard me, I hope he recognized my voice, my name. I hope he knew it was me speaking those words. I hope he knew that I had survived. I hope he knew that I had won and he had lost. I almost hope he hated me for it. He didn't last long after that. A nurse came in and checked everything and told us she didn't know how he was keeping going and then just after she had gone the monitor went flat and started to beep. I wondered if my words had triggered it - not guiltily, not at all. Just interested. The nurse came back and then called a doctor who confirmed the death and everyone offered us condolences. The old woman just said, "That's over then. Let's go and have dinner." She stood. She stood up straight, straighter than I have ever know. She turned to the doctor. "We'll speak to the undertaker in the morning." She didn't wait for a reply. We left. We went to my hotel, she, the other one, the younger one, was staying there as well We washed and tidied ourselves up before going out for a meal. Already the old woman was looking younger, so was the other one. It was a good meal. We didn't talk about him at all. We talked about her and her kids again, the old woman talked about her future and selling the house and moving away. She wanted to move nearer her sister who lives in Mid- Wales somewhere. I talked about my life over the last twenty years. We laughed and smiled and joked together for the first time that I can ever remember. After the meal it was back to the hotel for a few drinks. I asked the old woman if she wanted to go back to the house or whether she should take a room for the night. We argued a bit and then the young one persuaded her to stay, to share her room. I don't think she took a lot of persuading. Before I went to bed I phoned home, I only got the answering machine so I left a message and said that he had died and I hoped I would be leaving Friday or Saturday. In the morning the old woman spoke to an undertaker and arranged for a cremation as soon as possible. She said there would be no fuss, no flowers, no frills, no clergyman and only three in the congregation. She said she wanted it as cheap as possible, she just wanted it over. He phoned back later to say it could happen two days later at 11.00. She said that was fine.. The young woman went home for two nights saying she would be back on Thursday and would meet us at the crem. She didn't want to view the body. The old woman said she was going home and was going to get the house on the market as soon as probate was granted, in the meantime she could get it ready. I hired a car and spent a day and a half driving around the old neighbourhood spotting the changes. I hadn't been back for a long time so there were a lot of changes. I also arranged to travel home on the Friday, as soon as it was all over. The flights were a bit messy but it was the quickest way. Going west it would have been a lot further. On the Wednesday night I met an old friend for dinner. I had been lucky, he was in the phone book. He had an unusual name so I was sure it was him and it was. We went for a meal, just the two of us, and talked about old times and what had happened since. He told me his partner had died in the epidemic two years before, another AIDS statistic. I didn't tell him why I was over or about what was happening the next day. My friend was negative and not looking for a new relationship yet - he hadn't had sex since his bereavement. For a job he now talked about sex all day as part of the AIDS industry but he had lost interest in doing it. He told me that I had known his partner - when he mentioned the name it was another trigger, another link to my past. I was sorry to hear that he had died, I hadn't seen him in well over a decade but I missed him, he had been great fun and so good for me and to me. He had helped me to stay sane when I was near to collapse. He was younger than me and he was dead. I couldn't believe it. After the meal we went back to his house and he showed me pictures of him and Mikey - Mikey well and later Mikey ill and later still Mikey dying. I cried. He cried and he held me. He put his arm round me like he had that first time sitting on that bed in my bedroom, that time that I would never forget. Then I held him as well. I thought for a minute we would end up in bed together but we didn't. When I left an hour or two later he gave me a big hug and kissed me on both cheeks then on my forehead. I kissed him back. I asked him to come visit, I told him that he would always be welcome, that we would both love to see him. He said he'd think about it and that he would at least keep in touch. I left him my card with my e-mail address on it. I was glad I had seen him and told him so. I phoned home again that night and we had a chat and I said what I had done for the evening and who I had seen. I left out about Mikey and him being dead, I would talk about that back at home. I said I had invited him to come and stay sometime and was told that was absolutely the right thing to do. "Do you think he will?" "I don't know, love, but I hope so." "So do I. We both owe him a lot." "I know. I'd better go, I'll see you at the weekend. I love you." "I love you too, hurry back." The funeral was strange. The old woman and I met at the undertakers early to see him in the box, just to check it was the right body. We told them we didn't want a procession, that we would meet them there. We took a taxi and were at the crem before the hearse. The young woman was waiting. The undertakers men were as solemn as they are supposed to be. None of us were in black, the old woman was in royal blue; the young woman was in yellow and orange, she looked very striking. She said that her husband had wanted to come but she wouldn't let him. I was in beige slacks and cream open shirt. In honour of the occasion I wore socks and shoes, not my usual open sandals. I had had to buy the shoes in town the day before, I needed a new pair anyway, it wasn't just for him. We followed the coffin in and on to the rollers in front of the curtain. The senior man asked if any of us wanted to say anything. The old woman said "No, just get on with it." The curtain opened and the box rolled into the back. The old woman asked when we could have the ashes. Two o'clock. She said we would collect them. She didn't tell us or them her plans for them, she just said we would collect them. She took us for lunch at the pub down the road. It wasn't very good but it was okay. At two o'clock we went back and were handed the ashes in a cheap little urn. We got in the young woman's car and the old one said to drive to the dump. When we got there the old woman opened the urn and emptied it into one of the skips for household refuse then she crushed the urn under her heel and flung that in as well. Then we drove away. The old woman invited the two of us back to the house but we both declined. She smiled and said that she thought we would. She asked the young woman to drop her at the station. We got out to say goodbye to her and she hugged us both and told us that she hoped we would all keep in touch. She said she knew it was too late but she loved us and was proud of us. She smiled as she said it and she had tears in her eyes at the same time. She turned away then turned back. "Today is the first day of the rest of our lives." She smiled again. With that she was gone. The young woman drove me back to my hotel. I invited her in but she said no, she would go straight home. She leant over and kissed me on the cheek and told me to be happy. I smiled. "You too." I phoned home again that night, last night to say that it was all over and to confirm the flight details and times. I was desperate to get home. I got up early this morning to get my flight and now here I am sitting on the plane tapping away at this stupid machine trying to make sense of it all. As the Caterpillar said to Alice: "Start at the beginning, go on to the end and then stop." Good advice. Chapter 1 I always hated my dad from the earliest time I can remember, I tried to love him because I knew that I should but I really couldn't. When the social workers got involved because I had stopped going to school and started robbing, it was a relief to find out that he wasn't my real dad, that both me and my sister had been adopted. Some of the social workers were really stupid, they kept on asking me if my father ever hit me or mistreated me - they must have thought I was really stupid, too, if they thought I would tell them stuff like that. My dad was a big burly cop who, as he kept on telling me, knew how to hurt people and not leave a mark - he had been proving it on my sister and me for years, I think he did it to mum too but she never spoke about it. He had told me every time that if I ever told anybody he would kill me, and I believed him, I had to just to stay alive. He said he could make it look like an accident and that he would look like he cried at my funeral! This might seem a strange thing to say but the time I hated him the least was when we were having sex together - he was still fairly brutal about it but there was something else there for me as well - I actually enjoyed sucking his dick and I enjoyed some of the feelings when he was fucking my bum. I can't remember when it started, like the pain it had just always been there, he was certainly fucking my mouth and my arse before I started at school, so it had to be before I was 5 - he'd call me "An effeminate little nancy boy" and then plow my arse with his dick. But he was into equal opportunities was my dad, he fucked my sister as well. He was a really mean bastard. The social workers saw him as a pillar of respectability and reckoned that it was bad blood coming out in me, being a foundling and all. My sister was three years younger and she was a foundling too, and she wasn't robbing so perhaps they thought to give her a bit more time and she'd start. You can imagine how a policeman liked having a son with a criminal record! I think that is probably why I did it even if it did get me more beatings - if you get one every night anyway an extra one doesn't make much difference! The Juvenile Court wanted to send me home but he didn't want me any more, he pushed them to make a Care Order so he could get rid of me. He'd started helping with the scouts by then so I suppose he had a ready supply of young arses to fuck. I was 12, nearly 13 when I went to the first children's home and I tell you that after my life at home it was like paradise! It was a new beginning. Oh, the old me didn't disappear overnight but I was free to be me, at last. Free to shed the old patterns. Free to grow into the person I was to become. The boss and his wife were very strict and had lots of stupid rules but then I had lived with a maniac all my life so that was okay. The man who was next in line, Chris, was nice, a bit too soft but nice. The next guy, Ray, was really mean, except for the sex he could almost have traded places with my dad. I'll give you an example, there was one boy there called Johnny and somebody had found out that he liked to wear his sister's clothes [he didn't do this in the home although once or twice he was caught wearing girl's knickers] and this guy who was supposed to be taking care of him, beat him up every single day - nobody ever saw it and I don't think the other staff knew but poor Johnny really got it all the time. The rest of the staff were all women and mostly part time, apart from the bosses wife it was a very male-dominated sort of place - looking after 20 mainly teenage lads I suppose it had to be. It was while I was there that I decided that I was gay, that I could put a word to these feelings I had. I used to blame my dad thinking that he had taught me to be gay by fucking me all the time but I had liked that part the most and here I discovered that I loved looking at the other boys' bodies. My dick had recently started to grow and it had sprouted a few hairs around the base and I knew that what interested me was other boys' bodies and other boys' dicks and I loved the smell of boys. A couple of the lads had smuggled in porno mags so I saw pictures of cunts for the first time and I thought I was going to throw up - I sure didn't want to get involved in that sort of thing. Other lads were getting hard ons while my dick all but disappeared! Those pictures looked really disgusting. My room-mate was a lad called Paul, the same age as me all but a few months. He had red hair and the very pale skin that redheads often have - and he had the cutest dick I had ever seen with little bits of red hair growing round the base to match the black hairs growing round mine. He had been in the place a couple of months, he thought it was okay and he helped me with the rules to start with so I wouldn't get in too much trouble. In fact they were three beds in the room but the third belonged to a 14 year old lad called Steve who was living back home with his parents most of the time, but who still came to the home one night a week as a sort of safety net. This had been going on for a while, it seemed, and he was due to be finally discharged soon. Paul told me he was okay but a bit thick and very girl mad - it was all he ever talked about. It took Paul and I exactly two nights before we were getting it on together - it was amazing, it wasn't brutal, it was tender. The first night when we were getting ready for bed I was trying to sneak a look at his dick and I saw that he was trying to sneak a look at mine. We talked a bit after lights out and then I heard him beating off so I did the same and I didn't bother to be too quiet about it either, I made sure he heard. The next morning when we were woken up I didn't bother trying to hide my hard on from Paul and he didn't bother hiding his either - I think we both knew then that we were "on." At shower time that night it was showing off our dicks without saying anything about it again but at bedtime things changed a bit. There was lots of eye contact and lots of looking at our dicks - him looking at mine got me hard and the same looked like it was happening to him. We talked a little bit after lights out, we weren't supposed to but we did. It was nothing about sex, just about school and the home and stuff. About half an hour later the main corridor lights went out showing that the place was closing down for the night. I was hard as a rock by this time, my pyjamas were off and I was lying there stroking it gently - I didn't know what was going to happen but I knew something would. Then there was a movement in the dark and Paul, as naked as I was - and as hard as I was - came over and got into my bed. He slipped into my arms as if it was the most natural thing in the world. And it was. The first few nights it was just wanking one another off but soon we got to kissing. My dad had never kissed me - I don't think he was capable of affection - so Paul and I discovered this together, we could spend hours just lying there in bed kissing while our dicks got so hard they ached. Then, after a few more nights together, I just had to have Paul in my mouth - god, that was so good. He was a lot smaller than my dad, being just 12, but he tasted so much nicer. Paul had never been sucked before, neither had I, sex with my dad wasn't for my enjoyment but for his. I soon got Paul boiling over and his cum was soooo tasty! It was a lot tastier than my dad's, it was sweeter while dad's was a bit bitter. I couldn't get enough. Then Paul wanted to try and WOW! what a sensation that was - I remember that even that first time, and he had never done anything like this before, he swallowed every drop - and I could still taste it in his mouth when we kissed. On the nights that Steve was there we daren't do anything, we listened to one another beating off in the dark and Steve used to talk about girls and pussy and his supposed girlfriends. He was a nice lad but we couldn't wait for him to go home again! But I was young and horny, I'd had my 13th birthday in the home, and although I was getting wonderful sex with Paul I started having the hots for Chris, the guy on the staff. I know he sensed I was gay, just as I sensed he was gay. For ages I thought that I was making it up, that just because he was more gentle than the others he had to be queer - but then he was pretty tough when he had to be, nobody tried breaking too many rules when he was around! Many nights Paul and I would talk about it, lying there between sex bouts cuddled up together. It was after one of those chats that I asked Paul if he wanted to fuck me, we hadn't done that up to then. He was kinda shocked by the idea of putting his dick up my bum but I was beginning to really want it - I was a bit surprised by this after the rough treatment it had had from my dad but my hole was crying out for Paul to fill it. "Will it hurt?" he asked. "Nah, my dad used to do it to me all the time, I'm used to it." "You're dad used to do it to you?" He was quite shocked, I knew he had lived all his life with violence just as I had but this was way beyond him. His dad was a drunk and used to beat him and his brother up then fall asleep. To shut him up, because I really didn't want to talk about my dad then, I kissed him and held on and then I started running my fingers around his buns. He obviously enjoyed that so started doing the same to me - his fingers started searching my crack then he pulled out of the kiss and said, "What do I do?" I sucked his dick for a bit to get it all slippery and then I spit on my finger and rubbed that around my hole, then I rolled over on my stomach and knelt up a bit to give him a good target and guided him in. It was wonderful! He got in and I could hear him gasp and then he started fucking - we had both already come not long before so it took him a while, as far as I was concerned he could have stayed in there forever! I was amazed after the treatment I had had from Dad that anything could feel so tender, so loving, so right. Paul was getting into a rhythm by then and was loving it just as much as I was. Then I felt his pace change and knew he was about to come - he sorted of exploded into me and I could feel him shuddering with the impact of cumming. I collapsed on to the bed and he collapsed on top of me and we just lay there for ages. After a while I felt his dick starting to go limp inside me so I started squeezing it with my arse muscles and squirming around below him. It worked, I soon got him hard again and we did it all over again. It took a bit longer this time and he was even gentler. After he had come for the third time that night we just lay there with him on top of me nibbling on my ear. Once again I felt him go soft inside so I let him slip out of my hole then I turned and took him in my arms and put my mouth on his. It was brilliant, I had never felt this good in all my life! Chapter 2 What we hadn't realized, or hadn't properly understood is that our room shared a wall with Chris's flat. The next morning he came in to wake us up for school, I remember he seemed amused about something but he didn't say anything unusual until Paul had gone downstairs and I was making my bed. He came back into the room from shouting at one of the other lads down the corridor over something or other. He sat on Paul's bed and called me over to sit next to him. He put his arm round my shoulder and almost whispered in my ear: "You see that wall by your bed? On the other side is my bedroom." He looked into my eyes while I went bright red. "It's okay," he said. "I don't want to know what you and Paul were doing last night but I suggest you do it more quietly. If some of the other staff hear there could be trouble. . . . . Okay?" "Okay Chris, sorry," I stammered. "That's all right," he said. He gave my shoulder a squeeze and headed out the door. When he got there he turned and said "This conversation hasn't happened." Then he winked and walked off. As he got halfway down the corridor he turned and called back to me in his normal voice "Hurry up, Martin, breakfast is almost over!" Paul and I went to different schools and he had to leave before me so I didn't get a chance to speak to him about it until we got home that afternoon. By that time my heart had stopped racing and I was beginning to see the funny side of it - I was also beginning to feel the glow from Chris's arm across my shoulder that morning. Working it out it was the first time that I had ever had a friendly arm across my shoulder in my life! Paul was really frightened by what I told him and said we would have to stop - I told him that Chris had just said to keep it quiet. He was still pretty freaked that night when we went up to bed but I made sure I goosed him at shower time and then had a boner to show him as we got changed for bed - I didn't want to lose what we had and I didn't think he did really either. At lights out Chris came around to say goodnight. He hung around a bit as I think he did in every room just to be chatty then he ruffled Paul's hair and said good night to him before coming over to my bed, near the door, and ruffling my hair. He stood in the doorway with his hand on the light switch and said "Pleasant . . . erm . . . dreams." Then he winked again, switched off the light and closed the door. There was no way that Paul was going to shift himself over to my bed that night so after a while, when the house noises had died down and the corridor lights were dimmed, I crept over to his and climbed in. He hissed "Go away" as I got in with him but at the same time he moved over to make room. I shut him up the best way I knew how, I just clamped my mouth over his. As I slid my arms around him I realized he was naked so he must have been ready for it. I got a bit of a thrill out of thinking that Chris might be listening next door, I kinda hoped he was! Life carried on, it was okay but I had missed so much school that trying to catch up was pretty tough. I had a big problem with maths and was really struggling with it. Then, at a review meeting between the teachers and the boss of the home this was talked about and the boss suggested that I ask Chris to help me. Apparently he had a degree in maths, he wasn't a teacher but he knew his stuff. The boss said that I had to ask him but that if he agreed then some time each week could be given over to personal tuition. I was really excited about this so that afternoon as soon as I got back to the home I found Chris and asked him if he would help me. He agreed but said that he would have to go and talk to the maths teacher and get the right books and talk through the method. I was okay with anything as long as I got to be alone with Chris on a regular basis. When I told Paul about that night he just wanted me to be careful, I think he was more excited about the maths as he was really good at it, it was his best subject. Weird kid! The next day, Friday, was Chris's day off so nothing could happen until he got back the next week. Oh well, I still had Paul for the weekend and we celebrated the two days off with more sex than ever - our bodies were really getting into it now. It was that weekend that I realized that I had some amazing feelings and that I began to put words to them. I began to realize that I actually loved Paul - it wasn't just about sex, although that was a big part of it, it was also that I loved just lying there holding him, or looking at him at meal times or sitting next to him watching telly. I just wanted to be with him all the time. This didn't stop me looking at other boys or dreaming of Chris but it still meant a lot to me, I had never really loved anybody before except my sister. That weekend was also when Paul asked me to fuck him. He told me on the Saturday morning when we were getting up that he wanted me to do it that night. Well, we weren't getting up as such, we were in a clinch leaning against the bedroom door to stop anybody walking in. He stopped snogging me and put his mouth next to my ear and said "Will you fuck me tonight?" I was immediately ramrod hard and my fingers started digging into his bum - "Not now, tonight! C'mon or we'll be late for breakfast." Most teen boys want to stay up late, that night Paul and I were waiting for bedtime! During the morning, after we had done our share of the jobs around the place, we had been going to bathroom at the same time so we locked ourselves in one of the stalls for a kiss and a cuddle but that was about the only chance we got all day. We sat next to one another later watching the TV and got a bit of contact but not enough. Quite a few of the kids had gone home for the weekend so we weren't crushed up like we usually were - this meant that we had to use separate seats, if we sat too close the other lads would call us queer. When it got time for us to have our showers we were up those stairs like rockets. There were only two other boys on our corridor that night and they were both a lot older so we let them shower first, we stayed in our room and kissed and cuddled up against the door again until we heard them come out of the bathroom and head downstairs again. We went along and decided to risk showering together, there wasn't much chance of anyone coming in and the outer door to the bathroom creaked so if we heard it one of us could jump out and grab a towel whilst the other one stayed in. We washed first so that it would look okay - actually we washed each other whilst we kissed. I wanted to tell him what I had discovered about my feelings but I was very frightened. As I washed his buns with soapy fingers I pushed my fingers deeper into his crack and down towards his little opening. I was so hard, it was incredible. Paul just kissed me harder. I stroked a soapy finger across his hole and he shuddered. I did it again and he shuddered again. Then I circled the hole with my finger and he moaned into my mouth. Slowly I pushed my middle finger in, there was a little resistance but not much. Paul was really moaning by now. Slowly, slowly I pushed my finger further and found the little button that I had found when exploring my own chute, the little button that spelt real pleasure to me. I stroked it. Paul pushed his groin hard against mine and broke our kiss to say "Oh God!" I stroked it again and he whimpered. I stroked it a third time and I felt him coming between our bellies. I kept my finger in place and held him up with my other arm round him. He clung on to me panting for a minute or two then put his mouth back on mine. When we broke the kiss his first words were, "That was amazing! What did you do?" I told him about the pleasure spot that I now know is called the prostate. In those days I didn't care what it was called, I don't care much now, it is what it feels like that matters. As I was telling him my finger was still up his bum so I stroked him inside again and he almost collapsed again. "God that is so wonderful!" As I was doing it I pushed another finger in as well, he didn't flinch. He kissed me again and as we swapped spit I slipped a third finger in, he pulled away a bit at first but then he got used to it. As I fingered him he started stroking me - one hand stroked my buns whilst the other started on my dick. It didn't take long. He stroked his fingers over my hole and I shot between us just like he had. I was just about to get on my knees in the shower and suck him off when we heard one of the women staff out in the corridor shouting "Martin, Paul, where are you?" "We're in here, Miss, we're just getting dry." "Well hurry up or you'll miss your supper." As soon as we heard the voice we were out and drying. For a moment we were panic-stricken then we were laughing. The woman who had called was a very devout Christian who was always preaching at us, she'd have had a fit if she had found us in a clinch! That was one of the most amazing nights of my life. All these years on and I look back on it as a turning point. Up until that night I had always been the recipient of anal sex. First brutally with my dad and his chums and later beautifully and gently with Paul. That night I was to be the "sperm donor" - I was going to be doing my very best to give my beautiful lover the most pleasurable time of his life. When we went up to bed I was really horny, and really scared. I wanted to do this so much and I was terrified of hurting him, I was terrified of the visions of what I had been made to do for so long. I didn't know if I could go through with it, I was a mess. Soon after the corridor lights were dimmed Paul came over to my bed. We knew Chris was away and the only other boys on the corridor were further down on the other side so we didn't have to panic too much about the noise. Paul didn't seem scared at all, he was really eager. We started kissing as we always did. As we kissed Paul moved round so he was lying underneath me. "Please Martin. Do it to me now." "Hang on a minute." We didn't have any lubricant and for his first time I didn't trust to just spit so I popped my shorts back on and went to the bathroom and got my fingers and my dick all slippery with soapy water. I dashed back and into bed. I told him where I had been and he pulled me back into a kiss. He pulled his legs up and apart round me and I started fingering his hole again. My fingers were very wet and he was moaning into my mouth as I slid one, then two, then three fingers into him. I started stroking his little button again - as I did so he was squirming under me. I was amazingly hard as I pulled my fingers out and slid my dick in. WOW! What an amazing feeling! I pushed in a little bit. "Stop a minute." He breathed deeply a couple of times and smiled up at me. "It hurt a bit just then, go gently." I pushed a bit further and then pulled back a bit. As I pushed in again I tried to angle my dick so it stroked the button again. I succeeded, Paul moaned beneath me and pulled my mouth back down to his. I was in heaven, I read once where somebody described it like having your dick in a tight velvety glove and that is just what it felt like. I don't think I can better that description. As I pushed and pulled I tried to keep the angle right and keep the pressure going. Suddenly Paul started whimpering into my mouth as I fucked him and then I felt him tensing just as my cum started boiling - I thrust again and came inside him just as his dick started pumping between us and his arse clamped down on my dick making my orgasm truly spectacular. We lay there for a little while whilst my dick went soft and slipped out of him. We held one another tight - or rather he held me whilst I held his legs out of the way. After a bit I let go of his legs and fell to one side. We turned on to our sides and cuddled into one another. I had to say it, I couldn't stop myself, I just had to tell him. "I love you, Paul." I was so frightened, this is not the sort of thing 13 year old boys say to one another, particularly not hardened little criminals in care homes. "I love you, too." He kissed me and asked me to do it again. So I did. Slowly, gently, wonderfully with more emotion than I had ever felt before in my life. Once again Paul came between us and his orgasm triggered mine. We kissed and cuddled and fell asleep. The next morning we woke still cuddled up in my bed. I looked at Paul's watch and it was an hour to getting up time. We were both hard again but this time I was determined that I was going to get fucked. I sucked on Paul to get him wet and then, with him lying on his back, I slid down on to him. I got the angle right as well so he was stroking me inside. As I fucked him into me he wanked my dick for me. This was gentle love making - last night we had progressed beyond mere sex. We came together again and then I lent down and kissed him for the hundredth time that night. Just before waking up time he slipped back to his own bed, we were both so tired we could have done with another's night's sleep straight away. It was the beginning of a wonderful time for us both. A time of loving and sharing. Chapter 3 My world, our world, started falling apart after the half term holiday in October. Paul had a "case review" and it was decided to start building up to him going home. He told me that he didn't really want to go but he couldn't say that in the meeting in front of his parents. He said he was really scared but he would have to try it. It started off with him going home for Saturday nights and after a few of them it seemed to be going okay so after Christmas he started going home for the whole weekend. We were still together 5 nights a week but I really missed him at weekends. He spent most of the February half term holiday at home and came back at the end with a view to him going home almost permanently in a few weeks. He told me that first night back together that it had been a pretty rough holiday - when he first started going home his dad was staying sober most of the time but over the break he had started hitting the bottle again and when he was drunk he was always violent - and with Paul's younger brother Peter being away at a scout camp Paul had copped for the lot. I told him he must tell somebody but knew that he wouldn't, he couldn't any more than I could. But the wonderful thing was having him back in my arms - I was definitely in love with this gorgeous little redhead. After a couple of weeks they turned the system around and Paul was home in the week and came to us at weekends, firstly for two nights then, after a few weeks just for the Saturday night. I was hating this, I was lost without him. I didn't have anyone else to turn to, I didn't really get on very well with any of the other lads and my efforts at seducing Chris were coming to nothing. He knew what I was after but consistently ignored it. I was throwing myself at him - standing there nude before showers stroking a hard on in front of him. I smile about it now but I am a bit embarrassed as well. He was still affectionate, possibly more so but he kept his cool. All I had managed to do was to get him to give me a peck on the forehead at bedtime each night and he did it in such a way that I was never able to kiss him back as I so desperately wanted to. We came to the Easter holiday and Paul was to spend the whole time at home and the first weekend was Chris's weekend off - I was lost and alone so I went out robbing. Okay, I knew then it was a stupid thing to do and I didn't really need a socket set! I was caught, of course, and was in disgrace and not allowed out except under supervision. I started really kicking off and all my bad behaviour came out of hiding. Chris came back to work on the Tuesday lunchtime and I could tell as soon as I saw him that he knew - and he wasn't angry, he was just very sad. Tuesday night came and went. At shower time I made sure that Chris saw me with an erection, again, and then I bent over right in front of me so he got an eyeful of my bum. There was no reaction from him except to give me the usual peck on the forehead as he said goodnight. I lay there with my ear against the wall until I heard him going to bed and then I wanked off as noisily as I could but it got no reaction from him at all. I was angry and ashamed and lonely then and I just burst into tears and cried myself to sleep, full of self pity. I don't remember what time it was when I was woken by noises in the corridor, the lights were on and Chris's voice was one of them; I recognized the boss's voice as the other. Then my door opened and they both came in. "Are you awake, Martin?" "Yeah, what's up?" They both sat down, Chris on my bed and the boss on Paul's bed. Chris smoothed the hair off my forehead. "Listen Martin, there has been an accident, Paul is in hospital and he has been asking for you - are you up for it?" Immediately I was shaking - I had a million questions and I didn't dare ask any of them. "Of course!" And I was out of bed and dressing, I didn't care that they saw me nude or whatever. The boss put his hand on my shoulder and said: "Chris is going to have a cup of tea before he goes, do you want one? Helen has already made it." "Thanks, what time is it?" "About three thirty." By the time we were in Chris's car on the way to the hospital I was a bit more awake and the questions started forming. "What happened, Chris?" "I don't know, Martin, I don't know. All I know is that we got a call from the police to say that Paul had been taken to hospital so we rang and the nurse said that he had been asking for someone called Martin and that he is pretty badly hurt." "How bad?" "I don't know until I get there, do I?" "He is going to die, isn't he?" Then I burst into tears. Chris pulled into the side and held me for a few minutes. "I don't know, Martin, I just know that he is very badly hurt and he was asking for you.. We didn't know whether to tell you and bring you or not but I argued that you are best friends and that you deserve to know. "The only other thing I know is that his brother is in hospital as well." "His dad did it, didn't he?" "I don't know, but I think we have to get on. Are you okay now?" "Yes, sorry." He kissed me on the forehead again and let me go. He got the car started and drove on to the hospital and parked up. "Are you sure you're okay with this?" "Yes, I've got to see him." "Okay, let's go." Even at 4.30 a.m. the hospital was really busy. Chris showed his ID to the man at reception and asked for Paul. We weren't sent to casualty, as I thought we would but were sent straight to another ward - I was completely confused and my head was in a whirl with worry. It seemed to take forever and it seemed to take no time at all and we were with a big woman, the ward sister, who insisted we sit down for a minute. She ignored Chris and spoke directly to me. "Listen Martin, Paul has been asking for you ever since he became conscious. He wants you to see him but you have to understand that he is very badly hurt. He cannot move much and, at the moment, he cannot see much. He is in a lot of pain and we have given him painkillers that make him very slow to respond. Are you okay so far?" "Yes." "Right, now listen - you are going to find it a shock when you see him, he looks pretty terrible and he has lots of bandages on him, so don't be too shocked. Okay" "Is he going to die?" "I don't know, Martin, but not if I can help it. He may need an operation later but I think he will be okay in time. Do you want to see him now?" "Yes, please." "Okay, I'll take you through." She led me out of her office and along a corridor. "We have him in a side room and his brother is in there as well. Do you know Peter?" "No." "Well, he is in a worse state than Paul at the moment. We'll be in and out checking on them. Don't worry about all the tubes and wires, okay? But don't touch them either." She opened a door and took me into a room with two beds and lots of equipment. I almost screamed. I hardly knew which was which, there were two boys on the beds and they were covered in wires and tubes and bandages. The one on the left had to be Paul as the one on the right was too small. Both faces were almost unrecognisable as being human, they were so hurt. Paul's chest was all bandaged and his head was all bandaged. The nurse went over and took his hand. "Paul? Martin is here." "Martin?" I could hardly make out the word it was so slurred but then his lips were all mashed and bruised. Tears started leaking down his face from his battered eyes. "Martin?" The nurse waved me over to the bed and almost pushed me into a chair. "Martin?" "I'm here." I think I almost croaked it out. "Hold my hand." I took his hand, it seemed to be the only undamaged bit of him. The nurse said; "Right, I'll go and talk to Chris, if you need anything pull that red cord - okay?" "Yes, thanks." As she went out I burst into tears again - three times in one night! I just held on to Paul's hand and cried. I kissed his hand but I couldn't say anything. He squeezed my hand and mumbled "Are you okay?" He was asking me if I was okay! I brushed my other hand across my eyes and croaked "Yes, fine. How are you feeling?" "I'm okay now you're here." "What happened?" "Not now, just hold me." I held his hand in mine and I knew then, I knew more than I had known before, how much I loved this boy. Some of you might think that 13 is a bit young for that sort of thing but I assure you that is what I felt - it was another unforgettable night. We didn't talk much, I think the drugs were making my Paul very sleepy. He sort of was with me one minute and then away the next. What he said most was "Don't leave me." He must have said it a dozen times. Every time he said it I kissed his hand and squeezed it again. The nurses came in and out constantly and I just sat there and watched them do their jobs, then when I had been there a couple of hours one of the machines started making an alarm sound. I grabbed the red cord and nurses came running. It's a terrible thing to say but I was so relieved when they zoomed in on Peter and not Paul. A doctor came running too and they pulled the curtains round the bed whilst they worked on him. I didn't know what was happening but I was very frightened. The nurse I first saw came in as well and disappeared behind the curtain and then she emerged and came over to me. "Peter is very ill, they are going to take him for an operation straight away. Chris said to tell you that he will be back for you about nine. Are you okay?" "Yes, but where's the toilet?" "Stupid of me, sorry. It's just down the corridor on the left. Do you want a cup of tea?" "Yes, please." I squeezed Paul's hand and let go, he seemed to be deep asleep, then I slipped out of the room to go to the loo. As I was standing there peeing I leant my head against the cold tiles of the wall and realized how frightened I was - I was shaking with fear. I stayed there a few minutes before heading back to Paul. By the time I came back they were wheeling Peter's bed away down the corridor and I was left alone with my best friend. I picked up his hand again. "Martin?" "I'm here." "Where have you been?" "I had to go and have a slash. I thought you were asleep." "I missed you." I kissed his hand again and then I leant over and kissed his cheek. "I love you," I whispered. It wasn't the first time I ever said that to him but it was the strongest and most important. He squeezed my hand back and mumbled "I love you, too." Just as I was kissing him again the nurse came back with my cup of tea. I think I blushed bright red but she didn't say anything about it. She just asked Paul how he felt and checked the machines and then she left again. I was very tired as I sat there holding Paul's hand, I think I drifted off as it seemed only a few minutes later that Chris arrived and told me I had to come with him. He had a word with Paul as well of course but he was very groggy at the time. Chris told him that I had to leave as the doctors were coming in, but promised that we would both be back later. Paul just clung tighter to my hand and said "No!" as firmly as he could but Chris just uncurled Paul's fingers, took his hand and held it for a moment then he leant down and kissed Paul's cheek then laid his hand on the bed. I leant over and very gently touched my lips to Paul's ravaged ones, I didn't care any more that Chris was watching or what he might think. I said gently in his ear, "I love you, I'll be back soon." I didn't make it a secret sort of whisper, I guess I wanted Chris to hear. As we left the ward Chris put his arm across my shoulder and left it there as we walked out of the building. By the time we got to the car I was dead on my feet, I was so drained - I reckon Chris must have been holding me up. I think I slept a bit in the car and I know I was surprised when we got back to the home so quickly. By that time all the kids were out playing or doing whatever but the staff had kept me some breakfast which I ate and then Chris took me upstairs and bundled me into the shower. I undressed myself and showered myself but he was perched on the windowsill the whole time, not chatty or nosey but just comfortingly there. When I got out he took my towel and dried my back for me, very tenderly then he walked me along to my room where he tucked me up in bed and then leant forward and kissed me on the forehead again. This time he lingered a bit so I was able to turn and kiss his cheek. He looked down at me, straight into my eyes, smiled and said "Thanks." Then he said, "If you can cope with it we will go back this evening." "Thanks, Chris, I'd like that." He squeezed my hand and left, closing the bedroom door behind him. I think I was asleep in about ten seconds, I was so exhausted. - - - - - That evening as we were driving back to the hospital I decided that I had to make things clear to Chris. I can smile about it now but as a 13 year old this was a big moment for me. "You know I'm gay, don't you Chris? - and don't give me any crap about it being a phase I'm going through. I am gay and that is how I am and I am in love with Paul and we have been doing it together for ages." All in one breath. "I certainly know the last bit," he said, then he turned and smiled. "Look Martin, you are okay telling me this in private but don't start telling everybody, not yet. It could get you both in a lot of trouble." "Yeah, like they might put me in a children's home." He laughed then looked serious, "No, but they might split you up and move one of you to the other end of the country!" He pulled in to the hospital car park and found a space. "Listen to me Martin, the law says you are too young to be doing what you are doing and most of the staff back there would go berserk if they knew about it. You are safe talking to me about it but I really wouldn't recommend you talking to anybody else like this." "But I have to talk to someone, I am so frightened for Paul." "I know, love," the first time he had ever used that word to me, "I know." And he held me again whilst I had another weep, clinging on to him desperately. After a couple of minutes I pulled away and dried my eyes. "Are you ready?" he asked. "I guess so." "Good but before we go I want to say something. This is important, Martin - you have got to understand that you can talk to me about these things but you cannot tell anybody back there that you are talking to me about it. If you tell me stuff like this I should be writing it down and telling others and taking action about it - I don't think either of us want that so this HAS to stay a secret, for my sake as well as yours - Okay?" "Okay, Chris, sorry, I just had to talk about it." "Right then let's go and see this lover of yours." And he smiled into my eyes, put his arm back across my shoulder and led me into the hospital. Paul was still in the side room and Peter was back there beside him. They were both still wired up and Peter was still unconscious. Paul's eyes looked a little less swollen and he could obviously see a little bit as he tried to smile as we walked in. I went straight across and took his hand and kissed him on the lips. He tried to kiss me back but wasn't co-ordinating too well. Chris took his other hand and just said "Hi Paul, how're you feeling?" "Pretty rough," he mumbled. "I'm really thirsty, can I have a drink?" "I'll go and see, Martin will look after you." And off he went to see the nurse. I couldn't hug him because he was too wired but I managed to slip my hand in his bedclothes and goose him but I found he had a tube down his dick to help him to pee so I just kissed him again and held his hand. I chatted about the home and the way I had slept all day and he just lay there and squeezed my hand. Chris was away a long time so I reckoned he did it on purpose to give us time together. He came back with the friendly nurse from the night before. She checked the readings on the machines and looked at Paul's eyes and mouth. She asked him how he was feeling and seemed quite happy with the answer because she went and got a jug of orange juice and a glass and told me I could give him half a glass in little sips. Chris disappeared for a while, telling me that I would have to go back with him about 9 p.m. so I just sat there and held Paul's hand and kissed it every so often whilst he slipped in and out of wakefulness. Chris and the nurse came back at about 8.30 and the nurse told me that Paul was still critical; out of immediate danger but still quite ill and that he would have to stay in for at least another few weeks but that, if Chris allowed, I could visit every day. Chris said that he would have to check but thought it would be okay. I then asked what was really wrong, I had been dying to know but wasn't sure if they would tell me. Apparently Paul had multiple injuries with many broken and cracked ribs with huge amounts of internal bruising together with a big concussion. They had originally been very worried about brain damage but so far that seemed okay. With Peter they were not so sure, his injuries were worse than Paul's and he was still very poorly. I still wanted to know what had happened but figured that I would have to wait on that one, I knew better than to ask Chris that. The next week I was back at school but I was allowed to go up to the hospital for an hour after tea each evening. Paul was still in a lot of pain but he was visibly improving. It was while he was in hospital that Michael came to live at the home and take the third bed in our room, now that Steve had gone home permanently and for good. Michael was only eleven, just coming up to twelve. As Chris explained he had to come in our room because Paul and I were the youngest others and it wouldn't be fair to put an 11 year old in a room with the bigger lads - I think Chris and the boss also reckoned that Paul and I weren't the bullying kind. Michael was very frightened and was really far too young to be there with all those big lads and I was really pissed off with being expected to look after such a youngster. But when I met him he was a really sweet kid with hair so blonde it was almost white and huge blue eyes. I didn't see him much the first couple of days as I used to get home from school, do my homework, have my tea and go straight out to see Paul then by the time I got back Michael had usually gone to bed so I would have a shower and go to bed with him already asleep. I think it was after he had been there about a week that he was still up when I came back, he was just going for a shower so I thought I would go for one too. I told the woman on duty and she said for me to check that Michael had a proper shower, they all knew that I was trustworthy on getting a proper one myself, the problem with me was getting me out of the shower, not into it! I've always loved being clean. As I went to get my towel Michael was heading into the bathroom so I told him that I would be in there in a minute. I went to our room and stripped off and got my towel round me and went back to wait for him to get out so I could get in. I sat on the window ledge as Chris had done and this little voice from behind the curtain said "Is that you Martin?" "Yup, you okay?" "Yeah, how's Paul?" "Getting better." "Is he nice?" Well, I couldn't tell an 11 year old that Paul was not only my lover but also perfect in every way, now could I? "Yes, he's a really nice guy?" "Can you pass some more soap, this piece has nearly gone?" I got down and got the bit from the washbasin and pulled back the curtain to give it to him and there stood this little 11 year old with lather all around his dick and jerking it for all his worth. It was only a little dick and I couldn't see any hairs [I couldn't see anything with all that lather!] but he obviously knew what it was for. He went red and turned away so I smiled and dropped the curtain and said "Sorry." As I did so I realized I was hard! So I said "Are you okay doing that on your own?" "Why, do you want to help me?" "If you'll help me as well." "Okay." So I left my towel on the windowsill and got in the shower with this little eleven year old; and I have to tell you that he was keen on doing it! His dick was really cute, too. I knew we'd be okay for a little while, nobody would come looking for us for some time yet. I'd hardly got in there when he had my dick in his hand, he had very small hands but they were all slippery with soap and he had obviously done this before. I took hold of his dick and started stroking it whilst I put my other arm round him and started rubbing his back. He put an arm round me as well which was great as I had been missing cuddling with Paul probably more than I had missed the sex with him. I don't know why but I planted a little kiss on Michael's head and he just lifted his mouth to mine and shoved his tongue right in my mouth! Suddenly I was harder than ever. This little boy was quite a kisser! I slipped my hand down his back on to his buns and he kissed me harder, so I slipped my fingers into his crack and towards his butt hole and his kissing got even more frantic - I was getting pretty frantic by this time as well. He had one soapy hand wanking me off, one sexy mouth getting me going, his other hand was stroking my back whilst he was by now letting me finger his hole with first one finger and then two whilst I jerked him off with my other hand. POW!!! I exploded in an orgasm and at almost the same moment he had an 11 year old's dry orgasm that had him shuddering in my arms! It was amazing! We held one another for a little while and kissed some more then we began to get worried about the time so we washed one another off under the warm water and got out and got dry. He said he would go straight to bed whilst I headed downstairs for some supper. He said he'd stay awake for me and the look in his eyes was pure lust - I was already imagining the times we could have when Paul got back. I told him I would be back soon but that we'd have to wait for the house to settle down before we did anything else. When I got downstairs I told the staff that Michael had gone to bed so one of them went up to tuck him in and say goodnight - he was already a hit with the staff and with the kids as well. I went up to bed a short time later and he was still awake. I got undressed and then went over to give him a kiss and he immediately grabbed my dick and started jerking it. "Not yet, we'll have to wait a while in case they check the room, just give me a kiss." So I sat on his bed and we snogged a bit whilst he played with my dick and I played with his. Then we heard other people coming upstairs so I got in my own bed and we chatted quietly for a while until somebody came around and checked us all. A few minutes later and the corridor lights were dimmed and I was in his bed in about 10 seconds - his bed was furthest from the wall with Chris's room so would be safer but, as I whispered in his ear, we would have to be very quiet, we couldn't risk anybody finding out. I'm telling you that this was one HOT eleven year old. I didn't know then where he learnt his stuff but he knew it all - and he was so hungry! We snogged a bit more and then he broke away so he could suck my nipples and then moved down to my dick - I tell you that that hot little mouth working away on it with his tongue swirling round the top was heavenly. He came back up and kissed me again for a while then said: "Do you want to do me? You know, up my bum?" Did I ever! But I wanted to wait a bit first, I got down and sucked on his little dick. I pulled back the foreskin so I could get my tongue swirling like he had on me - he loved it. I stopped for a moment to suck my fingers then went back to his dick whilst getting my fingers around his crack. As I started to do this he arched his back to push his dick further into my mouth and to give me more room to get at his arse. I got one finger up no trouble and so I slipped the second one in again and had him bucking back against my hand whilst he fucked my mouth. I was a bit shocked by this but then remembered that at his age I had loved my getting my dad's dick right up my arse, he even got his police truncheon up there a few times! One thing I loved was the smoothness of Michael, the fact that he had no hair down there at all. He was so beautiful. In minutes he was having another dry orgasm as he held my head tight against him. As he got over it he pushed me down on to the bed and told me to lick his bum to get it nice and wet while he sucked my dick a bit. This took a very enjoyable minute or two then he turned round and knelt over me, with one knee either side of my chest and, holding my dick in one handed guided himself down on to it. As it went in his dick went fully hard again so he was obviously enjoying this as much as I was. He stayed up there and even in the dark I could see the big smile on his face then he leant forward to kiss me. It was a gorgeous moment then he sat up again and started bouncing on my dick. I knew we had to very quiet as I was sure Chris wouldn't keep his mouth shut about this, with me being so much older, but silence was difficult as I shot my wad up that little boy's arse. After I had come he stayed where he was with my dick up his bum and wanked himself off again and when he came he clamped his arse muscles tight round my dick again which got me hard again really fast - and really hard! He was amazing! Over the weeks I got to know his story, it was so very different from mine and yet we ended up in just the same place. I still can't believe he is dead. Intermission The airport in Dubai is a shopper's paradise - there is almost nothing that you can't buy. Except time, peace of mind, closure. I have four hours here before my flight on to Singapore. I shall buy a few presents for home - I didn't buy anything in England except the shoes. Why did I buy them? I never wear shoes. I hate shoes. Perhaps I did buy them for him after all - very English brown brogues. What was it that that French missionary called me a year or two ago? "Un vrai Anglais"? A true Englishman. I am not sure about that - but then at the moment I am not sure about anything. My name is Martin and I am on my way home. That is about all I know. My name is Martin and I am very tired. My name is Martin and I am trying to get through this shit so that when I get home I can seek real closure, so I can begin to move ahead again, so I can lay his ghost. With Mikey dead I have two ghosts to lay - a good one and a bad one. My name is Martin and I can't wait to get home to be held and cuddled and loved and needed. I sound like a fucking AA meeting! I wonder if people often sit in airports in floods of tears. An Englishman in early middle age sitting with tears streaming down his cheeks. Mikey is dead. How can he be dead? That fucking virus! Perhaps they will think I am just overtired from the journey, perhaps they will think I am a loony. Mikey, I haven't seen you for so long and now you are gone. I never got to say goodbye, I never even asked where your grave is, perhaps I could have come and visited you. Just to say goodbye. Shopping. Retail therapy. Put it all on plastic, I'll worry about paying for it later. Get some presents for them all. Perhaps a special something for "he who must be obeyed." Stop being maudlin. Close this machine. Get up. Spend. Chapter 4 Michael's Story Michael had lived at home with his real parents until he was seven which was when his mother died from cancer. She had been ill for a while, it seemed to him like she had been ill all his life. After that he and his dad stayed on in the house together and his dad changed his work hours so as to be able to look after Michael better but he still went to a childminder after school. He was very unhappy because he missed his mother but he and his dad got on well and were good pals. One day about six months after his mother died and just one week before his eighth birthday Michael woke and knew it was past getting up time. He went in to see what had happened to his dad and he was just lying there in bed. Michael tried to wake him but he couldn't, and his dad was very cold to touch. Michael got very frightened and didn't know what to do so he picked up the phone and dialled 999 and asked for an ambulance. He was screaming down the phone that his daddy wouldn't wake up and he didn't know what to do. Soon an ambulance and a police car arrived but he couldn't open the front door as he couldn't reach the top bolt so the policeman had to break the glass in the door and put his hand in through the glass to undo it whilst Michael screamed on the other side. Of course, as he had realised by then, his dad was dead. They told him later that something bad had happened to his heart during the night. Michael was screaming and didn't know what to do, he was only 7 years old and he was alone in the world. He had no aunts or uncles or grandparents so some social workers came and took him to a foster home not far from his school. His foster mother was lovely and held him a lot over the next few days as he cried and cried. He liked his foster father, too. He called them Uncle Derek and Aunty Barbara, he couldn't call them mum and dad, and they understood that. And they had a son and a daughter. The daughter, Rebecca, was 14 and the son, Danny, was 10, nearly 11. He and Danny shared a room and Danny was really good to him, lending him toys and playing with him but it was the night-times that were the worst, when he felt so alone. Sometimes, when it seemed that he couldn't stop crying, Danny would come over and get in bed with him and hold him until he fell asleep. Danny was very musical, he sang in the church choir and he also played the violin. The choirmaster at church was also his violin teacher - he was a nice man who often came to the house, he had grown up with Uncle Derek and Aunty Barbara and they had all gone to school together. One hot night when he had been there a month and had long since had his very sad birthday Michael couldn't sleep and was very tearful and Danny said quietly, "Do you want me to come over there with you?" "Yes, please." "It's hot tonight and I've got nothing on, do you want me to put my pyjamas back on?" "No, its okay." Michael was quite excited by this idea but he didn't know why. Danny came over and got in with him and they cuddled and then he said "Why don't you take your things off as well?" So Michael undressed and they lay there together naked. After a while Danny kissed him on the cheek so Michael kissed back, then Danny kissed him on the lips so Michael kissed back there as well. The Danny said "Do you want to try a better way of kissing?" "How?" "Open you mouth when we kiss and then we can put our tongues in one another's mouths." "That's gross!" said Michael. "No, honest, I think you'll like it." So Michael tried it. Danny kissed him full on the mouth with his lips open and put his tongue right in and their tongues starting playing. Danny was right, Michael did like it. When they had a break Michael's said "My willy's gone hard, feel it." So Danny put his hand down and started feeling Michael's willy and said, "So's mine." And guided Michael's hand down to hold it. They lay there for a while then Danny started stroking Michael's dick up and down - it felt wonderful, better than anything he had ever felt so he started doing it to Danny - and while they were doing it they kissed some more. After a few moments Michael had his ever first orgasm, a dry one of course, and shortly afterwards Danny had one too. "That was brilliant," said Michael, "Where did you learn to do that?" "A friend showed me, and there lots more we can do as well." And that night Michael learnt a lot more, not everything but a lot. Every night after that they had sex together, often several times, and Michael learnt more about sucking and licking and kissing and rubbing - and eventually about fucking. Danny took a long time to teach him this but eventually it happened and although it hurt a little bit at first Michael loved it when he could feel Danny there deep inside him. It was a few nights later that as they lay there together Danny said "I have told my friends about you, you know the ones I have sex with, the ones who taught me this stuff, and they'd like to meet you if you want to meet them. What do you think? But you would have to promise that you will never, ever tell mum or anybody else." "I promise - but can I? Can I really?" "Sure, but you must remember that you don't tell anyone and, if you get a surprise invitation to come with me, you say `Yes' - Okay?" "Okay!" It was just the next afternoon when he got home from school that Michael noticed the choirmaster's car outside the house. When he went in there was Danny already changed after school and coming downstairs with his violin case and there was Mr Brownley waiting for him together with Gary, another member of the choir. Danny winked at Michael. Mr Brownley said to Danny's mum, "Why don't I take Mikey with me as well? He can watch some television with Gary while I teach Danny and then with Danny while I teach Gary and then I'll give them their tea and bring them back later. What do you think Barbara?" "That's fine by me if Mikey wants to go - what do you think dear?" "Yes please, I'd love to." "Okay then, off you go. See you all later. But you, Frank Brownley, you have them back here by eight o'clock." "Orrrr, Mum, eight is far too early!" said Danny. "Half past and that's my last word. - Scoot. Have a good time." "Hang on, I'll just go and change." And with that Michael dashed upstairs and put on some old shorts over his already hard little cock and then a baggy t-shirt that hung down to hide the details. Then they piled in the car and as Frank checked Michael's seat belt was fastened properly he slid his other hand up the leg of his shorts and squeezed his dick. Michael was in heaven. "Do you want to join our club then Mikey?" "Yes, please, if I can." "I think we'll let you - but it's a secret club, you know that?" "I promise I'll never tell anyone." "Okay, let's go." He was seated in the middle of the back seat with the other boys each side of him. Before they had gone a hundred yards their hands were everywhere! Then they decided to strip Michael right there in the car - he loved it! He was a bit frightened that people could see in but the car had tinted windows so Danny told him it was safe. He and Gary then stripped too so Michael had a naked boy each side and a dick in each hand. When they got to Frank's house he drove straight into the garage then got out and closed the outer door before the boys got out of the car and went straight into the kitchen through the door from the garage. As soon as they got in Frank's house, where he lived alone, Frank also stripped his clothes off. "We don't normally wear clothes in here," said Frank, "it's warm enough without." And with that he was stripped and Michael saw a naked man for the first time, he found it really exciting. None of the others was fully hard, but he was! They all went into a room with a piano and a music stand and a stereo system and Frank said "We really are going to have a music lesson for an hour, do you want to be in here with us do you want to go in the other room with Gary and looked at photographs or watch a video?" with that he showed him some books full of pictures of boys having sex, it was so exciting. "I have videos of the same sort of thing." "I'll look after him, Frank," said Gary and put his arm round Michael's shoulder. "We'll watch a video and I might show him my picture book." Gary led the way to the next room, opened a cupboard and got out a videocassette and put it in the machine. He then grabbed the remote control and plonked himself down on the sofa, Michael was still standing feeling very confused, naked in someone else's house with another naked boy, almost a complete stranger. Gary spoke first "Come and sit by me and we'll have some fun, this is one of my favourites." Michael looked at the screen where three naked boys were rolling around together on a big bed. He went and sat down and realised that he was still very hard. Gary just sat there watching the show and stroking his dick which was fully hard by now and seemed enormous. Michael did as he was told and sat there half watching the screen and half watching Gary. Gary leant over and took Michael's hand and placed it on his dick, then he put his own hand on Michael's dick. Mikey was in heaven! He watched the video and he stroked the big boy dick in his hand then he got brave and he leant over and took it into his mouth and started running his tongue over the head. It was bigger than Danny's but he could manage it easily. It tasted wonderful. After a few minutes Gary pulled his dick out of his mouth and said "Stop, kid, stop. I don't wanna cum just yet. Just stroke it okay." So Michael snuggled in and gently stroked this wonderful prize and watched the show for a while. On the screen one of the boys was screwing another one who was in turn sucking off the third - it was great. Then the one doing the screwing pulled his dick out, pumped it a few times and white creamy stuff flew out of the end. "What's that stuff?" "That's cum, you get to make it as you get older." "Do you make it?" "Yup, started last month." On the screen the boy who had been being sucked leant down and licked the stuff off the middle one's back. "What does it taste like?" "It's great, a bit salty, but I love it." "Can I taste yours?" "You can if you suck me off." So Michael did, he didn't know it but he had been practising for this moment for weeks. It wasn't long before Gary came into his mouth and although a little bit dribbled down his chin he swallowed the rest - Gary was right, it was a bit salty but it was so lovely! Whilst he still had some in his mouth Gary kissed him deeply and tasted his own, and then licked the rest from Mikey's chin and neck. Then they curled up together again to watch the rest of the movie. Mikey was still hard but he was okay about it and Gary kept hold of it and stroked it gently. Later in the movie one of the boys was lying back on the bed with his legs in the air and another boy was kneeling in front of him with his dick in his hole. Michael saw that Gary was hard again so said "Do you want to try that?" and lifted up his legs. Gary didn't need to be asked twice, he opened a drawer in the video cabinet and brought out a tube of clear jelly and put some on his dick and some on Mikey's hole and then said "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I really want you to." Gary was a lot bigger than Danny and it hurt again for a moment as he pushed the head past the sphincter but then it was wonderful - as soon as Gary was in Mikey's dick was harder than ever so he just had to work on it. It didn't take him long and as he came his muscles clamped down on Gary's dick just like they had on Danny's and it brought Gary to the boil again and Mikey could feel him shooting his load deep inside. They were just finishing when Danny and Frank walked in, still naked. Mikey was very embarrassed at first but the others just laughed, so he laughed too. Lying there with his legs in the air and Gary's dick still up his bum. "Well, you two seem to be having fun," said Frank. "Can we join in?" As he was talking Michael could see both Frank and Danny getting hard - Frank's dick seemed enormous to the little 8 year old but he liked it and really wanted to play with it. Gary pulled his dick out of Mikey and wiped it off with a tissue then, still on his knees, leant forward and took Frank's dick into his mouth. But Frank looked down at Mikey and Mikey looked back and smiled so Frank pushed Gary away and said, "No, you play with Danny, I want to play with Mikey." Michael was in heaven, he imitated what Gary had done and knelt on the floor to take Frank's big man dick in his mouth. It was a real struggle but he got the head right in and started using his tongue on the head as much as he could, at the same time he got his hands round the shaft and started stroking it. "That's wonderful, kid. Just let me sit down." Frank sat on the sofa and Mikey climbed up next to him and started sucking again. As Danny had taught him he didn't just suck and play with the shaft, he tickled this big man's balls as well and started pushing his fingers down towards his bum. At the same time Frank was running his hands over Mikey and stroking his back and his dick and his bum. When he got to his arse he slipped a finger into the hole, still slick with Gary's cum and the lube he used. When he did this Mikey started sucking harder and pumping him more so he slipped a second finger in and got an even bigger response. He pulled him up off his cock and held him at face level to kiss - God, the boy could kiss as well! He held him gently but firmly then started moving him down on to his own dick. Mikey soon realized what he was wanting so put his hand behind him whilst Frank held his weight and guided the big man cock towards his waiting hole. He knew this was going to hurt a bit at first but he really wanted it, he knew it would prove something to him and to them. His own little dick was throbbing hard before Frank's even touched his hole. Slowly Frank lowered him on - Michael squirmed a bit with the pain but suddenly Frank was inside him and it felt tight but wonderful. Frank leant down and kissed him on the mouth and then began pumping gently into Mikey's bum whilst stroking his little dick as well. When they stopped kissing Michael looked around and saw that Gary and Danny were sitting on the floor playing with one another's cocks and watching him and Frank. He grinned a big grin at them and they grinned back. Then Frank stood up, lifting Mikey with him, still pinioned on the man's dick and then knelt on the floor with Mikey lying back on the sofa, just like he had been for Gary and started fucking him harder. The boys came and sat either side of him now and were stroking his dick and his chest and his nipples and Danny put his hand down and stroked the lips of Mikey's hole as Frank's dick pounded in and out. It all felt too wonderful for Mikey and then Danny slipped a finger inside him with Frank's dick and that was it, another dry orgasm forced him to clamp down on Frank's cock and Danny's finger and Frank came almost immediately. Things were so tight down there that Mikey could feel Frank's cum pulsing, pumping, surging into him. He was exhausted. Frank pulled out and leant down to kiss Mikey long and tenderly on the mouth and his nipples and then his dick. Then he stood up and said "Okay Gary, lesson time, get on that piano. Danny, look after Mikey and then we'll have some tea." Frank and Gary went out and Mikey and Danny curled up together on the sofa. Neither of them said anything for a while. "Are you okay, kid?" asked Danny. "I'm great. Thanks Danny this is wonderful, I am so happy you brought me here." With that Mikey kissed Danny full on the mouth. "I sucked Gary off before, his stuff tasted lovely. When will you start to get some?" "I don't know, it should be soon. Why, do you want to taste it?" "I'll want to taste it every night! Do you think Frank will let me taste his as well?" "I'm sure he will, and there are other men as well, and other boys and they'll all let you taste them." "You mean there are more people like this?" "Lots more, but it has to be a secret. You understand that, don't you?" "I promised, didn't I?" "Yes, love, you promised." "I love you Danny." "And I love you, too." "Do you want to do me now? Everybody else has." "Are you sure?" "Yes, I want you too." "Okay kneel on the floor and bend over the sofa and we'll do it that way." Mikey knelt down as he was told and Danny started fingering him. Mikey could feel him put in one finger, then two, then three, then four. "I think I could put my whole fist in here," he said. "Go on, try it," said Michael. He felt his hole being stretched still more, this was bigger than Frank's cock. Then suddenly the pain went and he could feel Danny's hand inside him. "Hey, my hand is all the way in. Your arse is round my wrist. How does that feel?" "It feels great but won't your hand get kind of grungy?" "I can always wash it. It looks kind of weird." "Well go and wash it and then come back and do me, that's what I really want." "Okay." He went off for a minute and came back and Mikey then got screwed for the third time afternoon. It was bliss. After Gary's music lesson Frank cooked them some tea and they all sat around naked to eat it. Afterwards Frank asked what they wanted to do with the last hour before he took them home. "Let's show Mikey the photo books and then I think he wants to suck you off," said Danny. Mikey blushed deep scarlet but at the same time his dick went hard again. "Okay, help me clear away first." After they had tidied up the kitchen they went back to the lounge and the other two boys got photo albums out of the cupboard. They had their names on them and were full of pictures of them each having sex with Frank and one another and other men and boys. "Sometimes Frank will have a party and lots of people will come," said Gary. "Look here is a party here." The picture had obviously been taken in that very room and there were four naked men on the sofa and they each had a naked boy on their knee and all eight of them had hard dicks and were smiling at the camera. Gary was one of the boys. On another picture Mikey saw that Danny was kneeling and bending over and a man was putting what looked like a big black plastic sausage up his bum. "What's that?" "That's one of Frank's toys. Show him, Frank." Frank went and got a briefcase from the next room and opened it up to show half a dozen dildos and vibrators of different sizes. Danny picked one up and said "That's the one!" He played with it a little while and then he said, "Can I show him, Frank?" "Sure, go ahead." So Danny got the lube out again and put some on the toy and some on his hole. He lay back on the sofa and brought his legs up and was just about to push it up himself when Gary took it off him and said "No, I'll put it in for you." So while Danny held his arse cheeks apart Gary pushed the big dildo up him slowly but firmly. Mikey was fascinated and was hard as a rock again so he leant forward and took Danny's beautiful cock in his mouth and started sucking it. Then Frank knelt on the sofa and pushed his cock into Danny's waiting mouth. After a few minutes of this Mikey made his move and pushed Danny off Frank's cock and took it into his own mouth. Danny then started licking Frank's balls and it wasn't long before Mikey's wish came true and the man came into his mouth. As he was coming, Danny half pushed him off the cock so he could share the taste. As they were licking off the last Gary started pushing Michael down on to the sofa and lifting up his legs so Mikey just lay back and let himself be fucked again by the older boy whilst Frank stroked him to ecstasy. Afterwards they collapsed in a heap on the sofa. Frank mumbled, "We'll have to go in a minute." But he made no move to go. Suddenly Danny sat up and said "I almost forgot, look what Mikey can do. Lie back Mikey." So he lay back down and brought his legs up to his chest whilst Danny knelt down and first carefully lubed his fingers then started putting them in one by one. It was a lot easier this time and soon Danny was buried up to the wrist in the little boy's bum. The other two were very impressed and were both fully hard again. "Damn that we've got no time," said Frank. "C'mon Danny, wash your hands and all of you get dressed, we've got to scoot!" "My clothes are in the car," said Michael. Suddenly he threw his arms around Frank's neck and gave him a big hug and kiss. "Am I okay to be part of your club? Will I be able to come back?" "Of course you will, I'll see you at the weekend. - C'mon the others are ready, let's get you home." Chapter 5 That night as Michael and Danny lay curled up together after they had had sex Michael said, "Thanks Danny, this is the best day I have had since I came here." He kissed Danny full on the mouth. "Frank is a nice man, isn't he? I like him, do you think he liked me?" "Yes, love, he liked you and I am sure his friends are going to like you as well." "Do you think he'll let me play with those toys like you did? Did it hurt very much when you did that?" "No, it only hurts a bit when you try one a bit larger but then it feels lovely, like when I put my fist up your bum this afternoon. Did that hurt?" "Only a little bit then it was nice. But do you think I can play with those toys? Do you?" "I'm sure Frank will let you, just ask him when we go there." "When can we go there again?" "My next violin lesson is on Saturday, you can come along then if mum agrees." "I love you Danny." "I love you too, now go to sleep." On Saturday Aunty Barbara was okay about Mikey going with Danny but told him not to get in the way and not to interfere with the music lessons. Mikey promised he would be good, he didn't tell her that he had lessons of his own planned. Frank taught all morning Saturday so the boys had to make their own way there but Aunty Barbara was easily persuaded to drop them at the corner of Frank's road on the way to the shops. As they walked up from the corner Mikey said "I'm hard already." Danny smiled and took his hand, "So am I, I always am on a Saturday. Just wait until we get there." When they got to the house Frank answered the door in his track suit and let them in. Mikey noticed that there were already lots of clothes and shoes about so he stripped his off just as Danny was doing as Frank, naked again already, stood and watched. When Mikey was naked Frank picked him up and kissed him on the mouth, then holding him with one arm started fondling his hard little boy penis with the other. "Come and meet the others," he said and carried Mikey into the room with the television, followed by Danny. There were three naked boys already in the room, Gary was the only one Mikey knew but he learnt that the biggest boy was Dave, who was 14 and had a big willy for a boy and quite a lot of hair round it and the smallest one was Jake who was 9 and only about the same size as Mikey. At the moment that they walked into the room Gary had his dick buried deep inside Jake who had a big grin on his face. Dave was sitting watching and stroking his own dick. Gary smiled at Mikey. "Hi Mikey, why don't you sit on Dave's dick, that'll shut him up until I've finished here." "Okay," said Mikey as he kissed Frank full on the lips ands then struggled down out of his arms. "Hang on," said Frank. "I think we'd better lube you up first." He got out the tube and, lying Mikey down on his stomach, started to put some lube round his bum. Dave got up and joined in. "Is it true that Danny put his whole fist in there?" "Yup, we all saw it," said Frank. "Can I try it?" "You'll have to ask Mikey later, but first of all I suggest that you try it with that thing between your legs - just give me a quick suck of it first." Mikey turned round to watch the scene and there was Jake lying back on the sofa with his legs in the air and Gary buried deep inside him. There was Frank who had three fingers up Mikey's bum and who had Dave's dick in his mouth whilst Danny was sucking tenderly on Frank's man dick. Suddenly Frank stopped and said, "Daniel. Violin. Music room." "Can't we just play this morning?" "No, you mother is paying me to teach you the violin so you will bloody well learn it, we can have fun later." As Mikey lay there with Dave now probing his bum with his fingers, he gathered up his courage. "Frank, can I play with your toys as well, please?" Frank slapped him gently on his bum, "You naughty boy, of course you can - but only after we finished all the lessons - I want to watch!" A few moments later the noise of Danny tuning up his violin came wafting through the room but Mikey, lying on the sofa next to Jake, hardly noticed as all his attention was focused on the glorious feeling of a 14 year old dick sliding slowly up his rectum. He reached over and took hold of Jake's willy and Jake took hold of his and then they kissed and wanked one another as the big boys fucked their arses. Gary came first, as Mikey saw Gary's face change and his head begin to go back he speeded up his wanking of Jake's dick. Gary exploded into Jake and then Jake shuddered and squealed as he tried to expel the non-existent cum from his own balls. All the noise and fuss soon pushed Dave over the edge with Mikey not far behind. Four exhausted smiling boys cuddled up together on the sofa and watched more boys getting it on on the porno video. Being young it wasn't long before they were at it again - this time Gary fucked Dave leaving the two young boys together so Jake slipped his hairless little rod into Mikey. During the morning all the other boys fucked Mikey at various times - Dave and Jake both did it twice. Mikey loved every minute of it. After the last music lesson Frank made lunch, which they all ate sitting around nude, and then the fun began again. The six of them went back into the room with the television. Frank said "Okay Mikey, you're the newest, what do you want to do?" "Can I play with the toys, please?" "Of course you can. Can we all watch?" "Sure." Frank brought out his "toy box" and Mikey feasted his eyes on the range of "appliances" on offer. He played with them to see what they were like. Some were just solid whilst some were battery driven and vibrated when switched on! This was so exciting for an eight year old! Also in the case were some empty plastic bags with tubes running from them that ended in a nozzle with a tap. He was mystified. "Frank, what are these for?" Frank looked up from servicing Jake's arse. "Those are for giving an enema, that is when you wash out your bum with warm water or oil or something." "That sounds gross!" "No," said Jake, "it feels ace. You really need to try it - when Frank and I have finished I'll show you." "Okay." He wasn't sure but he was willing to give it a go. Meanwhile Danny started showing Mikey more of the toys and talking about what ones the younger boy wanted to try. Mikey really liked the idea of a vibrator and he also liked the butt plugs so that he could leave it in and it wouldn't just drop out. Danny was hunting through the case. "Frank, where's the vibrating butt plug? Mikey wants to try it." Frank was panting a bit by this stage but he managed to sort of reply, "There are . . . two . . . bedside cabinet . . . . . . . aaaaargh! . . . . my bedroom . . ." "Thanks Frank." Danny took Mikey's hand and led him upstairs to the front bedroom. As they left the room they heard Frank groaning louder and louder until, as they got to the top of the stairs they heard "Oh fuck, oh Jake . . . shit . . . AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!." Frank's bedroom was strange, there was a sort of leather hammock hanging by chains from the ceiling in the bay window and there was a strange metal frame in a corner that looked a bit like the place they used to put thieves in the olden days so people could throw things at them. Mikey didn't understand at all. Danny said that Frank had other parties when boys weren't invited and that is when they used this stuff. On the bedside cabinet there were two butt plugs each with wires leading from it to sort of combined battery and control boxes with a sliding switch on the side. The smaller one looked immediately manageable to the little boy but he eyed the other, bigger one enviously. Danny got him to lie on his back on the bed and pull his legs up then he grabbed a tube of KY and lubed up Mikey's little arse, sticking two fingers inside to spread the lube properly. Then he lubed up the smaller butt plug. "Are you ready for this?" "Yes please, Danny. Put it up me." Mikey was already hard but as the older boy inserted the plug through the sphincter and into the rectum he became even harder. It was so exciting! It went in quite easily, just a little tug of pain at the end as the thickest part pushed past the muscle. Once it was in Mikey was in heaven. "How do I make it shake?" "Here you are, you just slide this little thingy here. Go on, have a go." Mikey slid the switch and could feel the most delicious sensations washing over him. His cock hurt, it was so hard. He pushed a little more to increase the speed and immediately went into overdrive with an orgasm. Danny, his faithful Danny held him. "Wow, you liked that, didn't you?" Mikey could hardly speak, he was so overwhelmed. "Switch it off while we walk downstairs or you might fall over." "Yeah, okay." He found that even walking with it inside him was exciting, it was wonderful, he was already dreaming of getting his own, but he thought he might have trouble explaining it to Danny's mum! When they got back in the room with the others downstairs Gary and Dave were sixty-nine-ing whilst Jake was pushing a large toy into Frank. Mikey turned on the motor again and then knelt down to help Jake whilst Danny started sucking Frank's dick. They never did get around to the enema that afternoon but each of them in turn fucked Mikey again and then they also tried various toys up him. Others were trying them as well. It was fun. When it came time to go home Mikey was in a daze, he had never had such an incredible afternoon. It was the first of many. Over the next couple of years he went to Frank's about twice a week. For the first year he was the youngest and then a couple of new boys joined the choir and they were inducted into the club and the joys of boy sex. Every few months Frank would throw a party and invite the boys and some men friends of his. Mikey loved the parties, he loved the men's cocks, he loved having one in his butt and one in his mouth, he reckoned it was the best feeling in the whole world. There was one guy who was always there who had the biggest cock any of them had ever seen. The first time Mikey saw it he was frightened by it, frightened and fascinated. It looked bigger than the biggest of Frank's toys, it was certainly too big for Mikey to fit in his mouth. His bum was itching to try it in there. The man was big and jovial and friendly, he grabbed Mikey and sat him on his knee. Mikey put his hands round the huge tool then leaned forward and kissed the man on the lips. The man smiled back and gave Mikey a proper kiss whilst feeling him up at the same time. Her slipped a couple of his big fingers in the little boy's bum and started tickling his magic spot. "Do you want to try it, little one?" "I'm a bit scared." "If you want to try it I'll go very slow, and if you want me to stop I will." "You promise?" "I promise. I'll get Frank to witness my promise then Ill have to do it, won't I?" "Okay." "Frank!" he called Frank bustled over. "Mikey and I want to try but I want to promise him if he wants me to stop then I will. Will you stay with us so you can make sure I do?" "Sure, Phil, but can I get my video camera? This should be on tape. Is that okay Mikey?" "Yeah, can I watch it later?" "Of course you can, silly." Once again Mikey lay back on the sofa and pulled his legs up to his chest while Frank and Phil lubed him up and got him ready to try and take the monster prick. Word had spread and everybody gathered round to watch. Phil moved his dick forward until the head just touched Mikey's hole. "You make sure you tell me whenever you want me to slow down or stop. Okay? You promise?" "I promise." "As soon as you tell me to stop I will. Everyone is watching so they've all heard me say it." "Okay." Phil pushed very slowly as Frank fussed around trying to find the best angle for his video shooting. Mikey gasped a bit but he was okay. He nodded at Phil to carry on. Around them everybody was either wanking their own dick or their neighbours, it was a really hot scene. Slowly, ever so slowly, Phil pushed his dick home until the big flared had pushed right past the sphincter. Mikey was sweating but wouldn't give up. It felt dreadful and wonderful at the same time. Once the head was in, and he sensed it was even if he couldn't see it, he knew it would be easier. Phil grabbed hold of Mikey hips and thrust a bit harder - still slow but steady and firm. In a few more seconds he was totally buried in the little boy. They were both panting as the room burst into spontaneous applause. Not everyone clapped, some signalled their approval by cumming all over Mikey - those that came on his face he licked off whatever he could. Jake, another little cum-vac, licked up the rest, then he kissed Mikey and shared the taste with him. As the two young boys snogged Phil started pulling out and pushing in, gently at first but then with increasing frenzy - Mikey was in a state of almost constant orgasm, he wouldn't have missed it for the world. I suppose it was like a rite of passage - and he passed with flying colours! - - - - - Two years passed. Two happy years. He did well at school, he was a popular boy and always ready for fun. He missed his parents but slowly the pain faded and changed as new interests appeared. It was shortly after his tenth birthday that he first noticed that Aunty Barbara seemed tired all the time and then she started to look thin. She had several appointments with the doctor and then at the hospital - Mikey didn't know why but the situation troubled him deeply. He had no conscious memory of this happening with his mother but it turned out to be a repeat performance, except it was a lot quicker. By the time Mikey was eleven Aunty Barbara was dead. Now it was Mikey's turn to comfort Danny. It was a terrible time. Mikey didn't know what was going to happen to him, he was a foster child without a foster mother. Shortly after the funeral there was a review meeting held to work out what would be done. Uncle Derek wanted to keep Mikey with the family. He said that he and Barbara had been thinking of adopting him but had not got round to getting the process going. He said he would still like to do so. The social workers said they would see what could be done but they were unsure. Meanwhile Uncle Derek changed his work pattern to be free for the kids a bit more. Three weeks later when Uncle Derek was going to get a pizza one evening a drunk driver lost control and swerved into oncoming traffic hitting Uncle Derek's car head on. He was killed instantly. That night he had left the kids at home watching a movie. Mikey fell apart - so did Danny and Rebecca. But it was worse in a way for Mikey, he blamed himself, he thought he was a jinx, he had now lost two sets of parents. He was taken to another foster home but he screamed and created mayhem and refused to stay. He was moved to a small group home but he couldn't cope with that either, it was too homelike. In the end the social workers decided, in desperation, to try the boys' home where I met him. I had only lost a home without love, he had lost two loving homes. Danny and Rebecca went to live in the south of England with an aunt. Mikey never heard from them again. Intermission Singapore airport and I am crying again. Am I having a breakdown? Or is this the catharsis I need? I know I am astonishingly tired. I can't remember ever being so tired except perhaps those long gone days when Paul was in hospital. A wasted few hours here. My next flight is delayed, or so I am told, but nobody seems to know how long. It was already supposed to be five hours here between flights. I thought of going on the free guided tour of the city but I have been here so many times - as a famous [infamous?] British politician once said, it is a bit like Croydon in the tropics. For anyone who doesn't understand that, it is not a compliment! It's a dreary place. I want to get home. I will always be glad I went but I want to get home. I didn't have time to get over the jet lag properly whilst I was there but now suddenly my body is on UK time and I am still heading east for another few hours flying. I just checked my e-mail in the cyber caf. Two messages. Hurry home we missed you from himself and the boys, bless `em. And thanks for your company the other night when we went out to dinner from Mikey's ex. It is hard to think of him as that and harder to think of Mikey as dead. I am grieving for Mikey more than I am grieving for the bastard we burnt - quite right too. I loved Mikey. Mikey loved me. A well balanced equation. Bastard, we'll be here overnight, they are putting us in an hotel. At least I can sleep. Best phone home to stop them leaving or they'll be stuck at the airport all night. I am so tired. - - - - - - - - On the tarmac and about to taxi after a good night's sleep. Six more hours flying and then two hours drive to go. The hotel was okay, it wasn't Raffles but it was good enough. I could have had a free meal as well courtesy of the airline but I walked up to Little India instead and had a Tamil meal there, we can't get them at home and South Indian food is unknown in most of Britain. Wonderful and spicy and fragrant, I even got it served on a banana leaf. As soon as we are airborne I'll write about Paul coming out of hospital and what happened after that. Right now they want me to switch the lap top off until after take off. Chapter 6 It took Peter a year, just over a year, to die. He never recovered consciousness. One night his body just stopped. With that amount of brain damage there was no hope that he would ever function again so they didn't try to revive him, it would have been cruel. Paul came home after about six weeks. I visited him every day of that time. The boss of the home didn't think it was a good idea but Chris said that he had promised me that I could and he wouldn't break his promise. The boss wasn't happy but he let it go. When he eventually got home Paul still couldn't go to school. He spent most of the day in bed. He was allowed up a bit in the day and again in the evening. One of the other lads went to the same school so brought him some homework set by his teachers and I used to sit with him and help him. He found it really difficult to concentrate and he worried a lot about Peter. As he got better he was able to be up longer and then he was gradually weaned back into school. He got tired very quickly for quite a while. One thing he insisted on, right from when he was first able to go out, is that he should visit Peter at least once a week. When I could I would go with him. Paul would sit and hold Peter's hand and talk to him. I would hold Paul's other hand. It was during one of those visits that I learnt what had happened the night of the "accident." Paul had told me shortly after he started his trial at going home that he and Peter had started messing around in bed together. They had shared a bed quite regularly throughout their childhood, it made them feel less alone when their father was on the booze. Now it seemed only natural to have sex together. So that is what happened. That is what was happening that night. Normally they heard their father coming and would separate until the storm had passed but that night they didn't hear him until he was in the room. Then they heard him. They heard him scream at them as first the belt then the stick came down again and again on the two boys who a moment before had been sixty-nine- ing on Paul's bed. Paul wept as he told me this - he blamed himself, as the older one, for not being more careful, for not blocking the door, for not listening more, for not fighting back. His dad was a 6' 2" foreman on the docks. Paul was a foot shorter and probably less than half his father's weight. Their mother hadn't intervened any more than mine ever had. All she did was wait until it was over and he had gone off searching for another bottle and then, when she eventually looked in the room and saw the bloody mess that he had made of his sons, then and only then did she call an ambulance. The police came too and took away the studded leather belt and the cricket stump. They were both covered in blood and hair and flesh. Their dad was arrested and charged with something or other, a serious assault charge. He pleaded guilty and was sent to prison for fifteen years. A few days after Peter died he committed suicide, he hung himself in his cell in Strangeways Prison, Manchester. Three days later his wife took an overdose of her nerve tablets along with a bottle of gin and slipped peacefully away to join him. In the space of a week Paul suddenly had no living relatives. We were 14 by then and Mikey was 12, coming up for 13 - and he was the strong one, he is the one who got us through it. Him and Chris. I am racing ahead but I need to get that down, I need to get it out. When Paul came out of hospital Mikey was worried about whether he would be jealous of what he had been doing with me. I told him not to worry. I told him I had told Paul all about it and about what a hot little guy Mikey was. When we got home from school the day of Paul's discharge Mikey told me to go up and change first. I rushed upstairs and there he was lying in bed. My Paul. He looked pretty terrible still but so much better than at 4.30 that morning after the "accident". He smiled across at me as I came in the door and then we were both momentarily shy. I walked across and sat on his bed. "Hiya." I said. "Hi. How was school today?" "It was shit, we had a maths test. How was the trip back here?" "Sore. I felt every bump in the road. Chris drove really carefully but it still hurt." "It could have been worse, if Ray had come for you he never drives slowly!" "Where's Mikey? "Downstairs, he wanted me to come up first, he is scared you'll be mad at him for what we've been doing while you've been away." "Shall I pretend?" "Nah, he'll be really scared. He's only eleven and he's dead sweet." "Do I get a kiss before he comes up?" "Oh God, yes!" We kissed. I would like to say that we kissed as only lovers can but I think that would be romanticizing the moment a bit too much. Although it was easier to kiss there than it was in the hospital we both knew that it wasn't totally safe. We kissed for a long time. We kissed until there was a timid little tap on the door and Mikey poked his head round to see if it was safe. "Hi, Mikey. This is Paul." "Hi Paul." He was looking down at his feet as he said this. "Hi Mikey . . . . . it's okay, I'm not mad at you." "You're not?" "No, I'm not. Come here and give me a kiss." "Really?" "Yes, really." He pecked me on the lips again to show what he meant and Mikey sort of sidled over. Paul put an arm out and pulled the little boy to him and hugged him then kissed him on the cheek. Mikey turned and kissed Paul on the lips. "Thanks," he said. "It's okay, Martin doesn't belong to me, you know. He can be yours as well. Perhaps all three of us can play together. . . . But tonight, do you mind if it is just him and me?" "No, of course not." "Thanks." We then had a three way hug on the bed. It was a very special moment for us all. That night was even more special - it was magical. First it was just the two of us, that was round one. Paul was desperate to be fucked, I had never seen him so eager since that first night. It was strange, I wanted it to be tender and gentle and he wanted it to be raw and rough. He won. He forced me to possess him. It was fantastic. After we had finished he whispered for Mikey to come and join us. We knew he had to be awake watching us. The three of us lay in bed together kissing and feeling one another - mainly Paul and Mikey touching one another's bodies and getting familiar. I was happy with this, I loved them both. Mikey slid down Paul's body and started licking his cock. As he sucked and licked at Paul's cock and balls his bum was sticking in the air right by me so I started licking it. I licked both cheeks first then I bent down and licked the underside of his ball sack. He moaned a bit, even with his mouth full so I thought he was enjoying it. I licked his perineum then I licked his crack - I kept well away from his eager little pucker for the moment. After his crack I went back to his perineum again - he was getting a bit desperate by now so I slipped a hand under him to hold his little dick and slurped my tongue right on his hole. I licked it a couple of times as I wanked the little dick in my hand and within seconds he was shuddering and moaning again as he had his orgasm - feeling all this happening shoved Paul over the edge and he creamed into Mikey's mouth. Mikey must have sensed something from me because he didn't swallow, he held it in his mouth, Paul's first cum since he came out of hospital. He turned to me and kissed me and shared it with me - Paul's nectar. As we all came down and cuddled together as quietly as we could so as not to disturb Chris next door Mikey licked his lips and said, "I wish they would bottle that so we could put it on our chips!" Paul and I had to bite his pillow to stop ourselves laughing out loud. We were one quivering, giggling mass of boys - but, thank God, we did it silently! During all this time Chris had been helping me with my maths for an hour twice a week. I would never get to love maths like Paul did but I did begin to grasp it a bit better. Whilst Paul had been in hospital the lessons were impromptu counselling sessions as well. They carried on but now Paul sometimes joined us so he could get some help catching up - he was streets ahead of me but Chris was up to it. We both flirted with him but he clearly wasn't having any of it. I even dared to put my hand on his leg one time when I was leaning over to get something. He smiled at me, lifted up my hand and put it back on my own thigh. Paul's weakest subjects were my strongest, Geography, History, Economics so I spent a lot of time sitting with him in the evenings helping him to catch up. Some of the other lads called us swats and all sorts but we were happy. Since I had met Paul I had begun to enjoy learning just like he did. We did other more laddish things as well - swimming and so on. Paul played soccer with the others whilst I looked on. I was, and am, a bit uncoordinated for that sort of thing. Mikey fitted right in with everything. Everyone loved the little blond and he was a good all round athlete. He quickly got on his school soccer team and was a cinch for the rugby team next year when that was an option. He also swam a lot better than either Paul or I did. He was a hit with the other boys in other ways, he had some amazing adventures at shower times with the older "straight" boys. One night I walked into the bathroom to find Denis, a big hairy 17 year old working lad, he was a builder's mate and spent the day carrying bricks and mixing cement, just getting dry after his shower. He put his towel round him and called out, "Cheers Mikey, see you later." "Cheers Denis." A little voice from the shower. As Denis left I coughed and said "Hi Mikey, are you okay?" He head poked round the curtain with a huge Cheshire Cat grin on it. "Mikey, what have you been doing?" "Have you seen Denis's dick? He's huge!" "Yeah, I know, I've seen it in here before" Mikey's grin got broader. "Mikey, you haven't?" "I have. Why not? I've had bigger than that up there!" "But he's straight!" "Bollocks! What does that prove? C'mon, are you getting in with me?" What else could I do? As we showered and played together he asked me another question. "Do you think Chris is gay?" I was a bit taken aback but I was honest. "Yeah, I think so. Why do you?" "Yeah, I'm sure he is. Have you ever tried it on with him?" Well, I wasn't about to give all the embarrassing details of waving my tool at him but I did admit to flirting a bit ". . . but it hasn't got me anywhere, he won't play." "I really fancy him," said the 11 year old. "I think he's gorgeous." "Paul and I both think so too but I reckon you're wasting your time." "I'll work on it, I can wait. I want him so much." "Well, you can't have him now so shall I suck you off instead?" "Oooh, yes please." Chapter 7 With the end of term came our school reports. I had always hated this before - they normally meant an extra beating. Paul felt the same. We brought them home in their sealed envelopes in fear and trepidation. There was no need, we were both doing really well. Sure Paul had more catching up to do but these were definitely the best reports either of us had ever had. They actually spurred us on to do more and do better. I told Chris that there was no way I was giving up my regular maths sessions with him - I knew that if I kept at it I might be able to get into the sixth form and possibly beyond. Most care kids languish in the bottom 25% of the school system but I was determined to make something of myself and so was Paul. Chris had helped us a lot but we were also fighters in our own right. Apart from the maths sessions Paul and I spent a lot of time that summer working on his catch up. Like I said I could help him with some subjects and Chris could help with others. One of the part time women was an English graduate so she chipped in a little bit to help there. Ray, the vicious bastard who made Johnny's life hell had come from working on the production line in a car factory so wasn't a lot of help. In fact Johnny often joined in the study rounds as well when he was there - over the summer he was on a week in, week out regime back with his parents. By the time school started again in September two things had happened, firstly Paul had caught up and secondly we were both really geared to studying, we hadn't had a break from it so getting back into term was easy for us. We raced ahead. We were still in different schools but we were doing almost the same courses and the schools ran to almost the same syllabus so we were always doing about the same stuff. I was a different boy from the one who had been sent to the home by the court. As I improved noises were made about me going home. I was getting to be a model boy, possibly even a boy a dad could be proud of - this was a frightening prospect. Chris raised the matter one day after our tutorial and I begged him to put it off. "I can't go home, Chris, I just can't. You know I can't leave Paul, I couldn't bear to be away from him. And look what happened to him when he went home, it didn't work, did it?" "But your dad doesn't beat you, does he?" I didn't know what to say, what could I possibly say? "Martin, does your father ever hit you?" "No, of course not," I lied, "but I'm so happy here and I'm doing so well at school and I love Paul. Please don't say I have to go home. Please!" "Well, you have a review coming up soon, we'll have to see what happens but I'll try to fight on your side." "Thanks Chris, you're a star." I needn't have worried. A few weeks later Paul and I were downtown, after we had been to see Peter in hospital, when we bumped into my sister. I hadn't seen her for months. She looked pretty dreadful but she brightened up when she saw me. I introduced her to Paul as "a mate from the home" and we went to get a coke together. She told me that the social worker had been to see Mum and Dad one evening and had told them how well I was doing and started talking about the possibility of me going home - dad had exploded saying that "that fucking little criminal isn't coming back in this house." Paul and I breathed a sigh of relief. I asked her how things were at home, she wouldn't, she couldn't meet my eyes. She looked down at the table and said "Same as always. But dad spends two or three nights a week doing things with the scouts so we don't see too much of him." "Are you okay?" I asked. "Yeah, I can cope with it. I'm doing all right." She tried to smile, she was a lousy liar. And I didn't even want to think about what my dad might be doing with the scouts! I probably already knew. My review passed okay with no suggestions of moving. My parents didn't attend, which was a hell of a relief for me Just before Christmas Paul had his review and there he met his mother for the first time since he came out of hospital nearly six months before. She had visited him twice in six weeks then. There was to be no change for him either, his mother was in no fit state to look after him, she could barely look after herself. That night the three of us lay and cuddled in Paul's bed as he cried himself to sleep in our arms. I think that was the last time he ever saw her. Chapter 8 Christmas, New Year and winter passed. The three of us carried on our almost nightly activities, Mikey carried on his shower time adventures - he also carried on with his pursuit of Chris but, like me, he got nowhere. He was convinced that one day he would. He loved us as we loved him but he adored Chris. Easter came and went and then the anniversary of "the accident" - that was a tough night for Paul and I. We went to see Peter. He was still lying there, still unconscious. Paul held his hand and I held Paul's hand. Then I put my arms round my lover and held him whilst he cried. He hadn't cried at the bedside for months but I thought he might that night. As I held him I discovered that I was crying as well - I think it was coming home to me that it could have been "my Paul" lying there as well. Poor Peter, poor Paul, poor us. It was four nights later that Peter slipped away during the night. The hospital phoned the home the next morning to tell us. The boss was at a meeting and Chris was away so Ray took the call. He called Paul into the office and told him. He didn't offer him a seat or anything he just said "The hospital just called. Your brother died in the night, they are going to talk to your mum about the funeral arrangements, we'll let you know as soon as we know." That was it. Nothing more. Not even a "sorry." Bastard. This is when Mikey came into his own - he was superb. He was as angry as I was but he was really calm for a 12 year old. I wanted to kill Ray and I wanted to protect Paul, who was in a heap - I didn't know what I wanted to do. Paul just cried. Somehow Mikey got permission for the three of us to go out together for the afternoon. He got us on the bus and took us down to the docks and sat us on a bench looking out across the river. He was magnificent. He had heard all about Peter before but he asked again, I hated him for it thinking it would upset Paul all the more but it was the right thing to do. He got Paul to talk about Peter and the funny things they had done together and the fun they had had as kids, when they could. Paul talked and talked, he kept it light for Mikey and so it was a joyous tribute to a special boy. Paul thanked him later and again in bed that night, another of our "three way cuddle but no sex" nights. Of course, by the time of Peter's funeral Paul had no family left. It had been due to take place just after his Dad's suicide but was delayed because of that and his mum died before the rescheduled date. Several of the staff and several of the boys, including Mikey and I, went to the funeral. His mum had requested a cremation so that is what happened. Later the ashes were scattered at his favourite team's soccer ground. The boss and his wife were magnificent, they organised everything and they consulted Paul all along the way. When they asked him if he wanted to go to his parents' joint funeral they accepted when he said no, they didn't push him into it as they might. It would have been too much. Once again Mikey, little Mikey was a tower of strength - he even took on some of the bigger lads when they poked fun at Paul crying all the time. - - - - - Thank heaven for blessed routine. Soon we were faced with end of year exams - and Mikey was facing his own set as well. We were all glad to bury ourselves back in our studies, it gave us a welcome release from the other traumas in our lives. My end of year report was amazing, I got all As and Bs, mostly As [B's in maths and the sciences] and the final comment from the headmaster read; "An excellent year's work. If Martin continues in this fashion he should be university material." WOW! Paul, just to cap me got all As, every single one! He also got a similarly encouraging remark from his headteacher giving an expectation that Paul would be doing well the following year when we did our "O" levels. The next year flew by. Our relationships deepened. It was always Paul and I at the core and Mikey understood that. He wasn't an "also ran" because we loved him dearly and he knew it, it was just that Paul and I were in love, we were each the centre of the other's universe. We had great fun in that room at the end of the corridor. Mikey took to coming home late from school because he went cottaging on the way. There were a couple of well used public toilets in the area and he would nip in for half an hour and service a few boys or men depending on who turned up. He arrived home very flustered one night having just escaped a police raid - his blond hair and blue eyes had helped him convince the police that he had just popped in for a pee! I wondered if my bastard of an adoptive father was there at the time. Or he could even have been one of Mikey "clients" there! No, he was probably screwing a scout. Three events stand out that winter and the spring that followed. First, of course, were our mock exams for our "O" levels - Paul and I were both very nervous but also strangely confident. Does that make sense or is hindsight clouding things? Christmas was fun but was also an orgy of preparation for the exams. It is funny but our attitude had rubbed off and several other kids were studying hard as well. We did well in the exams, we were both happy with our performance, as were our schools and the staff at the home. Things were really looking good. The second thing to happen was a new boy being admitted, a 14 year old. He seemed a nice enough lad, quite a big lad for his age. He was coming from another home which had mainly younger kids. He had become a bit of a handful, not a bully, just they weren't geared to cope with that age group. I overheard one of the staff mention "hormone problems" so I guessed I knew what some of the problems might be! He did a preliminary visit to see what he thought of it and Mikey got to show him round. At the time there was a one room with two beds, both empty so he was going to go in there. The boss asked Mikey if he would mind going in there as well to help the new boy settle down a bit, no new boy was normally put in a room on his own. Mikey was a bit upset at the idea of leaving us but he agreed, he felt he hadn't got much option. He also thought that Joey was cute! Apparently Joey was very enthusiastic about moving and was with us within the week. Mikey left us and moved into the room down the corridor to be with him. As far as Mikey was concerned the move was a huge success - huge being the operative word. The reports we received suggested that Joey was very well blessed in the size department and not averse to letting Mikey do anything he wanted with it. We had lost our playmate and he had found a new one. Shortly afterwards the third thing happened. Paul and I were told that we were to have a joint review - we didn't understand, how could a joint review be held on two unrelated boys? We were a bit paranoid so we tackled the boss about it a couple of days after we heard the news. He was in the office so we had him trapped! He could be elusive if he wanted to get away. He calmed us a bit, he said that we would each have our own review but that afterwards there would be a joint meeting with the two of us and our social workers and some other people. He told us not to worry, that there was nothing bad about to happen, in fact, he said, it could be very good news! He wouldn't be pushed any further and disappeared into his flat, where we couldn't follow, to watch a soccer match on TV. The reviews duly arrived. My parents still refused to attend and Paul of course had no parents. My review was fairly brief, I was praised for my school work, was asked if I had any problems, was I happy where I was, the usual stuff. I must have been out in only about 15 minutes. Paul was in next and was out equally quickly. We were told to go and do some schoolwork in the study room and that we would be called back shortly for another meeting when "the others" arrived. Very curious. About an hour later Chris, more smartly dressed than we had ever seen him, came and called us into the other meeting. There were a boatload of other people there - well, about a dozen, far bigger than is usual. It was a bit scary. The man in charge of the meeting was a guy from social services head office, we knew he was pretty important, we had met him a few times over the years. When we came in he stood up and shook our hands and waved us over to a couple of seats and told us to get comfortable. "Okay you guys, I am Don Simpson and I run this side of things for the department. I know you are probably wondering what all this is about so I'll tell you. If you have questions, and I'm sure you will have, you can ask when I've finished. If you think of questions later then you can still ask anybody who has been at this meeting and they will try to answer them. If they can't then you phone me or come and see me downtown - I promise I'll make time to see you. Okay so far?" "Yes sir." "No, please call me Don." "Yes Don." From Paul. "You two have been here a long time and you are doing really well. We are all very pleased with how you have been doing, we know it hasn't been easy for either of you. There is nothing bad in what I am going to say, but I think you might think there is something good in it. Okay?" "Yes Don." From me. "In a couple of months you will have done your "O" levels and will be moving into the sixth form, if you do well there, as I am sure you will, you will be going on to University. These are both big changes, they are also big opportunities which young people in care don't often grab when they can. You can and you are grabbing and that's good. "It has been a long time since either of you have been any trouble either here or outside here. All this is really encouraging to us. There are two other boys and one girl in our care who have also done similarly well. All five of you should not really be in residential care any more and yet it would be difficult to place you in foster care even if you would agree - I see that look on your face, Martin. Don't worry, please let me finish." I hadn't realised my intake of breath or my facial expression was quite so obvious but Don looked straight at me as he said that. I was terrified they were going to split us up. "Because we are using foster care more for the younger kids coming into care we are shortly going to be closing one of our small group homes but we don't want to lose the building, we think we have a use for it. We are going to set up what we call, pardon the jargon, a semi- independent living unit for older young people in care, the ones who don't really need much supervision but need somewhere safe and secure to live, with direction and guidance but not the sort of high staff ratio, or cost, that a place like this has. "We want to offer the two of you the chance to move there, together, after your exams and to live there whilst you are in the sixth form doing your "A" levels. "You would probably still have to share a room. You will have to take more responsibility for chores and programming your own study times but you will also, within some limits be able to come and go as you please. No drugs or alcohol, of course but otherwise as free as you like. You would have more privacy, you would have a lock on your room door, you would have more choice of food and all sorts. "Any questions so far? Anything off the top of your head?" We looked at one another for a moment then Paul said, "I think it sounds good but it is a big step. Would there be staff there all the time? And . . erm . . . well, we're used to the staff here and it would be a big change to go to new people. Everybody has been very helpful here, some are more like family." He turned to look at me and I beamed at him, it was a good set of questions. Don smiled as well, so did one or two others. Don spoke again. "Well things are going to change here as well. For instance I know that Chris has been helping you a lot over the last couple of years but, and I don't want you to tell all the other boys here quite yet, he will be leaving in a month as he has got another job." We turned and stared at Chris then looked at one another - if my face showed half the anguish that Paul's did then everybody else must have read it as well. "Sorry," said Don, "I should have put that better. Chris is going to be in charge of a new unit we are opening, by pure coincidence it's a semi-independent living unit for older young people in care! If you go the new unit you will find Chris there bossing you about as always. Right Chris?" "Sure," he said, "I'll soon have them begging to come back here." Saying that he very obviously winked at us so everybody could see. Again we looked at one another, again our expressions were transparent. Good transparent. "Look," said Don, "we have dumped a load of information on you all in one go but we would like to give you this chance. You deserve the chance and we all hope you'll take it. You don't have to but I'll be sad if you don't. I have made a very rash decision and I have agreed that your social workers and Chris can now take the two of you out to lunch, on expenses no less, so that you can talk about it further. Don't think you have to make up your minds today, you don't, you've got time. Is that okay?" "Yes, thanks," I said on both our behalf. We left with Chris and the two social workers, neither of whom we knew very well and headed out for lunch. It was a good lunch. We got more information from Chris, the other two weren't very helpful at all, but they were encouraging and supportive - as they hardly knew us we couldn't hope for much more. It certainly sounded encouraging. We arranged to go with Chris to see the place the following week. It was our main subject of conversation that night after we had had sex - strange but I remember that that night Paul had fucked me first as gently and as tenderly as he ever had. We'd done this hundreds of times before and it was still magical. We lay there cuddled up together in my bed. "What do you think?" I asked. "Hmmmm." "What do you think?" "About what?" "About moving, silly." He kissed me on the end of my nose. "I think we go see the place first, but I think it sounds good." "I want to stay with Chris." "You just want to get in his knickers." "No, that's Mikey." "You too." "Well, a bit - but I still want to stay with him - just think if Ray gets promoted here he'll be unbearable!" "Shit yeah, I hadn't thought of that." "If we think it's got even half a chance of working out I think we should go." "Go and see first." Paul had his mind set on that one! "Okay, we'll go and see first. Now will you please fuck me?" "Do I have to?" "Yes, you fucking have to, but you can give me a kiss first." And he did. Both. - - - - - The next week Chris took us to the new place, except it was an old place. A big Edwardian semi-detached with big rooms. It was in a soundly middle class area, it was nice. It was still being used as a group home though it was running down and had just three kids left, twin brothers [6] and their sister [4], waiting for a foster placement. Chris showed us round and told us which room would be used for what. Downstairs there was a lounge, dining room, quiet room and kitchen. Beyond the kitchen there was a utility room with washer and drier. There was also a small room used as an office. Upstairs on the next floor there were two bathrooms and four bedrooms, two of them large and two smaller, these would be the rooms for the young people. On the top floor in the attics was a small flat of two bed-sitting rooms and a bathroom, this would be used for staff sleeping over. It all looked very good. Chris said that we could have either of the large rooms as our room, or we could try for the two small ones as singles. When he suggested this I just stared at him. "Well, I thought it polite to offer." "Thanks Chris, but no thanks." I fell in love with the front bedroom, it wasn't as large as the other big one but it had a bay window which gave it a nice shape. There was plenty of room for two beds and two desks as well as wardrobes and dressers. It was perfect. I would have said okay there and then but Paul and I had agreed to discuss it privately before saying anything. Chris told us that the whole place was going to be redecorated and we would get a choice of colour, providing it wasn't too outrageous. When we got back to the home we took ourselves off to have a shower and talk about it. It was an instant decision. We would go. Paul had liked the front room as well so there was no argument there. We toyed with asking for pink or lilac as the colour scheme just to see Chris's reaction but then Paul pointed out that he might agree and just do it so we settled for pale blue instead. As we were slowly soaping one another in the shower we heard the door open and a voice we recognized call "Hi guys." "Hi Mikey." "Can I join you?" "Okay - where's Joey?" A naked Mikey joined us in the shower - he was growing up, he had a few hairs round his dick, they were a bit darker than the white blond on his head. His dick was hard. As usual! "Watching TV, I just came to ask where you'd been." "No you didn't, you came for sex." "Well, that as well. It's ages since I did it with you guys" As he talked he was stroking both our dicks. He took the soap and started soaping up Paul's dick and then he rubbed the soap up and down his crack as well. "Watch out, Paul," I said, "it looks like you've been chosen?" "We'll have to be quick" said Mikey, "c'mon, do it." Paul bent his legs slightly and came up behind the other boy and slipped slowly up inside him. Mikey immediately started moaning and stood up with his boner sticking right out in front of him. I quickly got on my knees, it was pretty cramped but I managed it, and took the now no longer so little cock in my mouth and started sucking on it. At the same time I used one hand to play with Mikey's balls and the other to slip a finger up Paul's arse. As I touched Paul's prostate I could feel him begin to tighten up so I sucked harder on Mikey. Suddenly Mikey was going "Oh wow! Oh shit! Oh wow!" and I tasted him ejaculating into my mouth. As Mikey orgasmed so did Paul - they sort of supported each other as I enjoyed my first taste of Mikey spunk. I stood up and kissed him and then Paul - I let them both share the taste in my mouth. "Mikey you came! You came in my mouth!" "Shit that was amazing! I've waited ages for that. Did I really come? God that is so amazing. God . . . oh god, I must go tell Joey. See you later guys." And he was gone. He was still wet but he was gone. His questions all forgotten in his new discovery. By the time we had got dried and dressed and gone downstairs Joey and Mikey had gone to bed, obviously eager to try and do it again. We found Chris and told him we would go for it. He hugged us both and said how pleased he was - then he asked why we weren't studying! Cheeky sod! The exams were a trial at the time but we knew we should be okay. None of them asked us anything that completely stumped either of us. In the second maths paper I panicked a bit then remembered Chris's advice about reading through all the questions first then choosing one I could answer to get my confidence going before moving on. By the end I was okay. My last exam was on a Wednesday, Paul's was on the Friday of the same week. Friday night we didn't attempt to make love, we just cuddled as we lay together. We knew that a new boy was coming on Monday so our last few nights would be different. Since Mikey had moved in with Joey we had had the room to ourselves, just like old times. The next morning we slept in a bit. We missed breakfast but we needed the rest. Chapter 9 The move to the new place happened a week or so later. The room was a gorgeous shade of sky blue with dark blue woodwork and we had all new furniture and new carpet and everything. We felt very special. It was good to be back with Chris, he had still visited in the last month since he left just to encourage us through the exams, but it was nice to think we had him all to ourselves. We were the first to move in, the other two boys, Jimmy and Richie, moved in a few days later and then in August Rachel joined us all. Although we shared a house with those other three for two years we never became close. That first summer we spent relaxing, we had worked hard for our exams, all of us. A few times we all went swimming together but we didn't mix much. Jimmy and Richie were straight so they were off chasing girls a lot. They tried it on with Rachel but she definitely wasn't straight and did NOT appreciate their advances. She was off chasing girls as well. In late August we got our results, we had both done excellently - I had my usual string of As with Bs in the sciences, Paul had all As except for a B in Economics. He was mortally offended by this but accepted it, he wasn't going to be doing Economics ever again. He also said that he wouldn't have got a pass without my help. We missed the old home but soon began our new regime of study. We started before term began, there is no law against being prepared. We were on our own now, Paul was doing double maths and physics at "A" level whilst I was sticking with my old faithfuls of geography, history and economics. We couldn't help one another much any more. I occasionally looked in one of Paul's maths textbooks and I never had the slightest clue what they were talking about whilst he and Chris would have animated discussions about it You would think maths was porno from the way they got so animated! The freedom in the new place was good in theory. We had keys to our room and the front door and could pretty much come and go as we pleased. We had free access to the kitchen to make snacks and drinks. We also had a bigger workload than ever - we were really busy. Oh, we still had time for some fun but only really at weekends. We studied at least three hours a night, often four and more at weekends. We still found time for sex, it remained an abiding interest. Now that we could lock our bedroom door we felt a lot more secure. We also felt able to go out and buy proper lubricant instead of using soap and spit all the time. On the day we moved in we pushed the two beds together and left them like that. Everybody knew we were doing it so we didn't bother hiding it, even if it was still illegal for us. The best thing was to be able to sleep in one another's arms all night, every night. Well, not quite every night. There were times when we argued and even stopped speaking to one another for a day - I don't think it ever went beyond a day. Chris was great and helped us a lot, he listened to all our frustrations and woes. He never once gave advice, he always just helped us to work out our own solution. The best thing about the new arrangement, the very best thing was being able to be more sensual about our love making now we were in private. Never before, in the three years we had been together, had we been able to undress one another slowly and sensually. Oh we had wanked and sucked and fucked but I had never slowly undone Paul's shirt and then unzipped his trousers - virtually all our previous sex had been in the dark with the lights off sometime after lights out - either that or in the shower when anyone could walk in any time. Now we had the freedom to try new stuff and not have to be so furtive about it. Our first night there we went up to our room straight after dinner and locked the door. Switching on the desk light on my desk and pointing it right down so that it only gave a low sort of light we got in a clinch in the middle of the room. We kissed. We were still fully clothed. I was hard as a rock. To hold him and feel him through his clothes was wonderful. I know most couples can't wait to get undressed and get down to it naked. Well, for us it was different, we had done all that, we wanted some mystery and some romance. I stroked down his back and down his buns. I brought a hand round to the front of his jeans and cupped his hard genitals and rubbed them as he did the same to me. I broke the kiss and slid down to my knees and gently bit at his dick through the denim. He had his hands on my head urging me on. For a while I used my hands to massage his delightful buns then I brought them round and slowly undid the popper on the jeans and then the zip. I pulled the elastic of his briefs down to reveal the object of my desire and took it in my mouth. As I sucked on him I moved my hands up and slowly, by feel alone, undid the buttons of his shirt so I could caress and tease his nipples as I sucked on his cock. I did everything slowly, we had all night, we weren't going to be disturbed. Gradually I upped the pace of my sucking and my tit- teasing and with him clinging on to my head for support I brought him off in my mouth. Paul has always had a unique taste for me, the most delicious cum in all the world. After that he dragged me over to the bed[s] and we lay there, still clothed, and continued our exploration of one another's bodies. First he teased my tits with his teeth through my shirt - I probably have the most sensitive nipples in the entire universe so this was bound to have an effect on me. It did. I was already rock hard from sucking him off, now I was even harder. Painfully, blue balls hard. Slowly he undid my shirt and pulled it back so that he could lick my armpits whilst keeping up the pressure on my nipples with his fingers. He would lave the left armpit with his tongue, then the left nipple, then the right nipple, then the right armpit and then he would slowly work his way back across to the left again. All the time either his tongue or his lips kept contact with my flesh. Once or twice he tongued down to my belly button and swirled his tongue around in there but for a good twenty minutes he refused to touch me below the waistline of my jeans. I was getting frantic. Every time I moved my hands towards my dick he slapped them gently away and carried on with his teasing and tickling and treating. Eventually he started licking along my tummy just along the line of the jeans' waistband. His fingers undid my belt and the button then slowly lowered the zip. As more flesh was revealed he licked that as well. He pulled the fly apart and pulled down the elastic of my briefs revealing my dripping cock and took it in his mouth. He was just in time. I had tried to hold back but I was damn near creaming my undies for the last five minutes, the warmth of his mouth was just too much and I let go. As always he drank every drop, he always loved cum just as much as I did. We lay there kissing and caressing for another half hour or so, we still had our clothes on, then we decided to go have a shower. In the bathrooms there the showers were over the tub rather than in a separate stall so there was more room. We stripped off grabbed our towels and streaked down the hallway and locked ourselves in the bathroom. We quickly dropped the towels on a chair and got in the tub. We got the water running warm through the taps and turned it on to the shower. We embraced as we had done so many times before. We spent ages in there soaping one another. We washed one another's bodies from head to toe; and as we washed we left a trail of kisses and love nips with our lips and teeth. We had bought ourselves some massage oil and some KY but they were in the bedroom so we fell back on the old standby of soapy water to lube one another up - I bet almost every boy in the world who has access to soap has tried a soapy wank at one time or a thousand. We wanked one another and fingered one another as we snogged again. We climaxed, panting, like that with fingers stroking prostates and hands wanking cocks It was awesome. We sluiced the cum away under the shower then put the plug in the bath and turned the flow back to the taps. We sat in the bath with me behind Paul and his back cuddled into my chest as the water crept up our bodies. With my longer arms I managed to grab the bottle of foam bath and add some. I kissed the back of the beautiful neck in front of me and he held my arms and kissed my hands. Occasionally he would turn and we would share a deeper kiss but it was too uncomfortable to stay like that for long. When the water was high enough we turned off the taps and just settled in to cuddle. It was glorious. There was no-one else in the building except Chris and he was working in the office. The other boys wouldn't move in for a few more days. Not surprisingly we fell asleep. We were woken by a tapping on the door and Chris asking if we were okay. I don't know how long we had been there but the water was stone cold. "Sorry Chris, Paul fell asleep and I couldn't bear to wake him. - OUCH - hey he just hit me!" "C'mon you guys, I am going to make some hot chocolate, do you want some?" "Sure," said Paul, "we'll be down in five minutes." We dried and went and got shorts and a t-shirt each and went down to the kitchen. Chris was just pouring out the chocolate into three mugs and on the worktop sat a plate with a huge chocolate and fresh cream sponge! "Welcome home, guys," said Chris. "It's good to have you here." He came over and gave us each a hug. "I don't suppose you two are hungry, are you? Oh well, I'll have to eat it all myself." "It's okay," said Paul, "we'll help you out. At your age you've got to be careful of your heart!" "Cheeky young sod! I'm only ten years older than you! I will eat it all now!" "I didn't say anything." I said. "Paul can't have any for being cheeky but I can!" At that point Paul dug me sharply in the ribs, "Whose side are you on?" Chris saved me the bother of a reply, "Same as always, his stomach's!" I stuck my tongue out at him, so he did the same back. He put the mugs on a tray with the cake and some small plates and took it all through to the lounge - this was the moment when Paul and I laid claim to the sofa. Chris put the tray down on the coffee table and cut three large slices of cake and handed them over. "Forks or fingers?" "Fingers!" we said in unison. "How is it going up there? Are you getting settled in?" Paul and I looked at one another and smiled then Paul answered. "Chris, it's great, it is so much nicer than the old place, you have no idea." "Oh, I think I do, it's not that long since I was sixteen, I can still remember how difficult it is to get privacy." We sat quietly for a few minutes sipping the chocolate and nibbling on the cake. Then Chris reached down by the side of the chair and picked up a small parcel. "I was in town yesterday doing some shopping and I saw this and just knew I had to give it to you. Call it a little welcome gift, I hope you like it." He handed it over to us. It was obviously a large format book. We pulled off the wrappings to find we were the proud possessors of "An Illustrated Guide to Sensuous Massage"!! "I hope you find it useful. I saw you had got some massage oil so I thought . . ." "Chris, it's wonderful, thanks." That was me. We got up and hugged him and kissed him on the cheek. We chatted for a while longer then we excused ourselves saying we were tired and were thinking of an early night. "Go on, upstairs with you - and remember I may not be sleeping next door to you any more but I am sleeping in the room above!" "Okay, we'll only be snoring, honest." "If you think I'll believe that you must be daft - go on, goodnight, I'll clear up down here." We hugged him again and he kissed us each on the forehead as we took off upstairs with the book. Let me just say that we had a very late night that night. When we had got oil all over the place Paul tried putting it in places where the sun don't shine - and I aided and abetted him all the way. At about 2 a.m. as he shuddered into a climax inside me I erupted on to my chest. It had taken four hours to get to that orgasm and was possibly the most pleasure we had ever had in one night. Chapter 10 Paul's school was now closer, I had to ride two separate buses in each direction. Paul would get home first and he would put the kettle on to boil whilst he went up and changed - he even did this on the days when we weren't speaking! When he got downstairs he would make a pot of tea and get out some biscuits on to a plate. By the time I got home the tea would be ready so I would give him a quick kiss and then go and change myself. By the time I came down he would have poured two cups and taken them into the lounge, along with the biscuits, and we would then cuddle up on the sofa and watch television for a bit. Jimmy, Richie and Rachel were very understanding, if we were in the room they used the chairs so as to give us the sofa. We were the couple so they gave us that little privilege. We would stay cuddled up until after Paul had seen his soap opera and then we would go upstairs and work for an hour or so before we had our meal. The five of us and whichever member of staff was about usually sat down together about 7 p.m. After we had eaten and everything was cleared away it was back to the books until time for showers and then bed. As I said, at weekends we swam or went to a movie or went bowling. Once a month or so we would meet up with Mikey and Joey and go to a movie together or something like that. They were becoming very much a couple. Whenever Mikey was having problems he would talk them out with us or he would come and see Chris and talk to him about it all. Paul and I still tried flirting with Chris but he still wouldn't be drawn. Mikey flirted with him a well whenever he visited - he flirted outrageously as only Mikey could. It was a good life for those two years, at the time it was the best either of us had ever had. The scars of the past healed over for both of us. Never completely but things got easier. Our reviews went well and we were well-established. Our school reports continued to be things we could be proud of. My dad, of course, continued to refuse to have any contact with me which saved me the effort of refusing to have contact with him. I met my mother once in the shopping centre just before my 18th birthday. All she said was, "Hello Martin, it's nice to see you . . . I've got to go." Perhaps my dad was nearby. I didn't get a birthday card. I had got used to no contact by then but these sightings, like when I occasionally bumped into my sister, always disturbed me for a while. Paul was my mother and father and sister and brother and lover and friend now, he was all the family I needed. Well, him and Chris. In the first term of our second year there we had to make our university applications. We only applied to places that had good schools in the subjects we both wanted and then hoped to get reasonable offers. We were lucky because we did. We also did well in our "A" levels, both managing straight As, the first time I had matched Paul. We were both 18 now and ready to leave care. We had been lovers for 5 years. - - - - - The seatbelt light has just come on. Good timing. We are letting down fast now. A few more minutes and I shall be home. Finale At home, in the study. They met me at the airport. Not all of them, of course, just my partner and the two delightful young men who have so changed our lives. The first two, the start of the family. Thomas and Joseph. He, the most important one, looked the same as he did ten days ago when they saw me off on the flight to Singapore, he hasn't changed much since that first day I met him in the children's home. Still red haired, still slim, still beautiful. In this culture men show affection openly all the time, not that we would have cared. We have been together a quarter of a century and we are used to hugging and kissing one another, we are not going to stop now. It is so good to be home. I need to get on, lots of work has piled up whilst I have been away but first I need to finish this. Paul and the others are supervising dinner and then the four of us will have ours - I just need to finish this first, then I can have peace. Where was I? "A" levels and leaving care. After we left care we went to university together in Leeds, the social services people were very good and helped us all they could. In those days, of course, there was a lot more financial assistance for students than there is now. Paul did Electrical Engineering and I did Geography. We shared a room, as students often do, so it raised no eyebrows and this was in the late 70s and early 80s when the atmosphere in Britain was a lot freer than it is now. Sharing there wasn't much different from the last two years except we hadn't got Chris as immediate support. We still phoned him once a week or so, he was the closest either of us had to a stable adult/parent figure. A few days after we moved out of Chris's place Mikey and Joey moved into "our" room! When it came time to redecorate they went for strong colours, they didn't like our "wishy-washy" blue. They chose ochre and brown. We saw it, it worked well. The two youngsters had done splendidly in their exams and then, as a bolt out of the blue, Mikey was told that after his parents death a trust fund had been established for him and that when he got to eighteen he would come into a fair amount of money. He wasn't told how much then but later he became a well off young man. They did exceptionally well in their "A" levels too but then headed in different directions, Joey went north to Edinburgh to do medicine whilst Mikey had managed to get himself a place at Oxford reading psychology and philosophy. At the same time he shagged anything that moved, as long as it had a dick. Joey got himself a girlfriend at Edinburgh and last I heard, about ten years ago via a fluke meeting with another ex-Edinburgh medico passing through here, he was an anaesthetist at a hospital in York. He was married with three kids. I am sad that we lost touch with both Mikey and Joey over the years. And with Chris. We had last heard of Mikey eleven years ago. There was an article in The Pink Paper about the research he was doing into psychological changes in people living with HIV & AIDS, he had become a bit of a specialist in AIDS related dementia. We didn't know then, I would learn just a few days ago, that he was already positive himself by that time. Also by then, as again I learned a few days ago, Chris had moved into sexual health work so it is not surprising that a year later they bumped into one another at a conference where Mikey was delivering one of the keynote papers. They met at the coffee break on the second day of the conference, they had lunch together then Mikey cancelled his arrangements for the evening and they went out for dinner together. After dinner they went back to Chris's hotel room. Mikey stayed the night. Within a month they were living together. As Mikey said to Chris at the time, "As long as I have a computer and a fax machine I can work anywhere in the world." He also said that he had waited 15 years to get Chris in bed and he wasn't about to lose him. He was immediately up-front with Chris about his positive status and he also, very surprisingly for Mikey, became a home bird and gave up sleeping around. Chris turned into the love of his life. The feeling was mutual. They had 7 years together before the virus and the pneumonia won out. Mikey didn't get dementia, mentally he was as bright as a button right up to the end. Chris said that Mikey just got very tired; when the end came he welcomed it, he had had enough. After our degrees Paul worked for a big heavy plant company for a while whilst I got into development issues working for various agencies in Britain. I also took a part time MA in Development Studies. We had promised to stay together and we were able to, it meant some compromises with job moves but somehow the right opportunities came up. Twelve years ago we saw two one year contract jobs advertised out here - one was for a development officer and the other for an engineer - it seemed to be custom made for us. The money wasn't very good but we were both fed up at the same time in the jobs we had then so we decided to go for it. We did a joint application making it clear to the agency that we were a couple and that we would only consider the posts if we were both appointed. We also did the groundwork about their equal opportunities policy so we knew where we stood if it came to a fight. It was a tough selection process over three days but we passed, we got offered the jobs. We were shattered, exhausted, elated and suddenly terrified at the prospect! We rented out the house on licence for twelve months convinced that we would be glad to get back but also keen for the experience. It was all a bit overwhelming at first, it wasn't just the tropical climate, a bit of a change from North East England where we had lived the last five years! There was also so much to do and so many people to be nice to and whole new ways of working to adapt to. I have heard the same story about both Ireland and India - it goes something like this - you are in either of those countries and you are trying to hurry through some business and you are trying to impress on someone the urgency of the situation and they turn round and say "The Spanish have a saying `maana' - well in Ireland/India, nothing is that urgent!" The same goes for here. In Spades! That first year we got so frustrated by it but when our contracts were up for renewal and we were both offered a two year extension it took us about two minutes to agree that we both wanted to stay. We went back to Britain on furlough and put the house on the market. It was a good time to sell, one of the property boom years at the start of the 90s. We banked the money and came back - well, we came back and then when the interminable legal process was all over our lawyer banked the money for us. In the first year we had been in development agency accommodation but it wasn't good long term so we rented a house on the edge of town. It was what we had always wanted, a small house in big grounds. In fact it was more like a compound of about half a hectare with three buildings, one was our house and the others we weren't sure what to do with. For a while we were happy with that and managed to look after ourselves despite the long hours and trips to outstations. One day six months into our second year Paul was away on a trip supervising the construction of a small scale hydel project upcountry when two small boys came into the compound and up to the door asking if we had work they could do. I am not a doctor but I can recognize malnourishment when I see it, I was really distressed by the state they were in - our agency wasn't involved in the social care and humanitarian side of things, the government was in charge of that. They were obviously, patently falling down on the job. I had just cooked my lunch so I quickly added some more rice and made another bean dish and got out a loaf of bread and sat them down to eat. They were very hungry but also adamant that they wanted to do jobs to earn their food. They were proud young men. "First you eat, then I find you jobs." First they ate. They ate it all, mine as well. I asked where they had come from - they named their village, I knew the name. It was about 80 kms upcountry. "How did you get here?" "We walked." "What are your names?" "I am Thomas, he is Joseph." "How old are you?" "I am ten, he is eight." "Where are your parents?" "Mother dead, father bad man, drunk all the time, beat us all the time." "Where are you going?" "Here. City is good. We need work then we are okay, buy food." "Where will you sleep?" "Sleep at roadside, nobody rob us, we have nothing." Two abused little boys who reminded me of two other abused little boys a decade and a half earlier in Britain - not just two, many. What about Peter who wasn't a survivor like Paul and I? I knew I couldn't turn them away. I made a snap decision, one that I have never regretted. "You have work for us?" asked Thomas, the older one. "Yes, I have work, come with me." I armed them with brushes and buckets and marched them over to the better of the two other buildings. I unlocked the door and led us all inside. "Today you clean this room, okay?" "Okay, not take long." I doubted that as it was filthy and a bit dilapidated. "You clean and then come to me and I will come and look. There is a well out behind my house where you can get water for washing the floor. Okay?" "Okay." "If you clean well then tonight you can sleep here as well. Would that be good?" I was answered with beaming smiles. I went back to work in the house and thought about it. I didn't do much work - I had a project report for head office to do and get off to them by the end of the week but I was more concerned about the two little ones currently earning their lunch and supper. About two hours later I heard shrieks from out the back. I rushed out there and found two naked little boys happily pouring buckets of water over one another and shrieking with laughter. It was a lovely sight. The room they had cleaned was not up to accommodating them or anybody that night so I made up the bed in one of the guest rooms for them. They had never slept in a bed before. Today those two young men, now 18 and 20, virtually run our street children project. Next academic year Thomas will go off to train as a teacher, afterwards he wants to come back here and work with us again. When Thomas leaves Joseph will have the guest room to himself, they have been living there the whole time. They never did get to sleep in the dormitories, but that is a whole other story! I can't go into all the details of the fights we have had to get recognition, the problems with funding, our leaving the agency after the second contract but staying on and freelancing here for other more local development agencies. That doesn't matter, it is irrelevant. What matters is that two abused kids from Britain have made life a little bit better for lots of abused and abandoned kids here. We are not blowing our own trumpet, we know only too well that we are not doing enough, but we are doing something. At least the surface is being scratched. There are now nine buildings in our compound and the five dormitories each officially house ten boys, but more often hold fifteen. They get food, they get shelter, they get education, they get a chance to make good. They get protection from abuse and neglect. They get love. Paul and I intend to spend the rest of our lives here running the project we have named after his brother. We will still go back to Britain occasionally. I want to keep in touch with my mother and my sister now that I feel free to call them that. I know, having seen them again at last, that Paul will be welcomed into the renewed family circle. When we go we will also want to see Chris, now that we are in touch again. Tonight in bed I will tell Paul about Chris - and I must tell him that Mikey is dead. I will tell him their story just as Chris told it to me. He will be pleased that the two of them did get together, Mikey always said they would. He usually got what he wanted. I think I'll ask Chris to e-mail some of the photos he showed me, it will be good to have that memory of the two of them. Or better still, ask him to bring copies when he comes to visit. I hope, we both hope, he will come out and see us. It is a long time since he heard us making love in the room next to his back in the home - perhaps we will put him in the next room when he visits just for old time's sake. He might even get in with us. Who knows, my dream of all those years ago might come true in the end. Mikey's did, why not mine? As for my adoptive father, he is dead and my animosity has died too, burnt up and crushed underfoot and thrown in the skip with the ashes. The end was fitting, he was not a lovable man. I must let him go. Now I have all this love around me I haven't got the energy to keep fighting him and hating him. I think I even wish him peace. - - - THE END - - - Comments and constructive criticism are welcome at mr_malaprop@graffiti.net The entire story is copyrighted c to Mr Malaprop 2003