Date: Sun, 3 Oct 2004 13:23:49 -0700 (PDT)
From: Thomas-Alexander Kind <thomasalexander_kind@yahoo.com>
Subject: Mihai-02

'The truth is out there.!'
And now here as well, as this is true and not all that
long ago...or maybe too long ago.!
No disclaimer, as the ones that hold the power do what
they want anyhow. Everybody else does not need one.
Storycode:M/b


Mihai-02

ON BEING NORMAL...

I remember sitting on the rocks in the wilderness of
the Great North.
Woods, the light of the stars reflected in the dark
waters of the lake which we had paddled across.
The comfort of endlessness, with the Milky-Way above
us.
As always there were Shooting-Stars,... as always I
made the same wish: To be allowed to love a boy once
more.
Be careful what you wish for..!

My wish was granted by the gods.

But it came at a price.
	*
Wandering between continents, never arriving, always
leaving.
Spending too much time going to and away from
'West-Forty' at 33000 feet.
Feeling scared.
The feral child in myself, running my life, as he saw
fit.
	*
The patterns had been broken.
The filigree pieces of normalcy I had carved so
careful over the years, hoping they would veil me from
the cruel eyes of the hunters,lay scattered around my
feet.
Had run full speed ahead into the wall of my past.
It was cleverly disguised as the present and I was the
stupid boy, I was than.
Thinking I could have summer forever, touch the sky
and kiss the clouds.
Stumbling around, with scraped knees from falling down
too often.
Bruised, from hitting that wall again and again and
tired from picking myself up and moving on.
It is a hard thing to loose, this addiction to life.
	*
Having stepped out of 'normal' at age 14, falling in
love with an 11year old boy, one develops a schizoid
personality.
Desperately trying to be 'normal', and never making
it.
At some point one settles for 'easy' and joins the
Chameleon Club.
Even falling in love with ones exotic personality a
little bit.
Having met a few desperados over the years, wandering
around this planet, it seems that we all carry a
profound sadness in us.
No matter how successful a chameleon, we tend to find
ourselves in strange places and
'unusual'circumstances.
Always longing for a return to 'normal'.
	*
So finding myself following a trail to a broken
country, still suffering from the throws of a
'revolution' almost felt 'normal'.
Sadness and desperation are the borders to the
playground of our life, it seems.
Smiling while we feel pain.
WE often are the street boys of the 'normal' world.
And I needed to be with my real family..!
Wanted to loose myself, and my addiction to life.
	*
And found him.

Only to loose him..!

Because of the 'normal' life, that caught up with me.
I did not run fast enough, nor far enough.
Without enough provisions for the wilderness I
ventured into.

I was able to open my arms to him.
He was able to step into them.
We dreamt together for a little while.

But in the carnival of life, I always end up in the
house-of-mirrors, loosing myself and end up bumping
into my own image.
And I for one, never find my way out, until it is
dark, and I discover myself alone.

He now has a chance, however small, to walk on. ( How
I hope he will take it..!)

And I ... well, I still am an addicted chameleon.

The following words, are the short-story of our love.
' Let the carnival begin..!'
	*
It became normal,...normal to feel his leg sliding
between mine and his arms coming together around my
neck.
I would go to sleep, with him still watching
television,... only to be woken by a sudden weight
landing on the bed beside me, covers lifted and a
cold, naked little body sliding up against mine.
Leg pressing between mine, his slim penis hardening
against my hip, arms circling around me, as mine would
him, he was teasingly telling me that he was the
iceberg and I,...I was the good ship TITANIC and I was
being crushed into...onto. Around too..!
Little did he know I was indeed sinking,... sinking
into his smiling eyes, drowning in my affection for
him and going overboard with my love for him..!
	*
>From the first night, when Mihai came into my room,
silently stripped and slipped into bed beside me, it
was always the same.
The same need to be held close, held tight against me,
face buried into my neck, body twisted around mine.
Was he afraid to loose me or loose himself..?
I don't know; I suspect it was more instinctive than
deliberate.
More animal like in his need to be close to another
animal of his own kind.
Were we of the same breed than,... this little human
animal boy and this big human animal man..?

More in Mihai-03