Date: Sat, 9 Oct 2004 10:32:51 -0700 (PDT) From: Thomas-Alexander Kind Subject: Mihai-06 'The truth is out there.!' And now here as well, as this is true and not all that long ago...or maybe too long ago.! No disclaimer, as the ones that hold the power do what they want anyhow. Everybody else does not need one. Storycode:M/b Mihai-06 Of course morning comes too soon. But I slept fitfully at best. So in some ways I welcome the light that sneaks in through the curtains. I have a sleeping boy in my bed. There is a naked boy sleeping beside me.! Covered by my blankets, our skin is touching. He is drooling a little onto my arm, that is pillow to his head. As I am trying to move a little away from him, he rolls into the void and I now have his leg between mine again. Can feel his hard penis against my hip and his thigh pushing against mine. I have slept alone for so long that I do not know any more how to deal with this. The heat his small body exudes is making me sweat. But maybe that is not all.?! Yes, yes,... I am nervous to the point of sweating. Laying here, next to a very naked Mihai. What now,... what comes next.? I want this.! What do I want from this.? I have been handed a dream. How does one hold a dream.? I feel complete ... and at the same time torn apart. This is not the upstairs room in some bar in Bangkok. No short-time hotel. There has been no money handed out, for services rendered. If I say the wrong words this will never happen again. Maybe if I say any words this will never happen again. Maybe this is a dream. Just more so. Last night was easy, this morning is hard. I will have to make a decision... or do I.? * What decision do I think I have to make. The mice will eat breakfast, dress and slip out the door. I will have more coffee and sit in front of my laptop, clicking keys. My friend and I will meet someone-or-the-other for lunch, will shop for more food, laugh and joke to each other about the potholes in the streets that are big enough to swallow small cars. Talk about the packs of dogs that roam the city, the weather, his boys. Will have an early supper maybe. The mice may not be coming at all. They do not always show up, you know. I may not see Mihai for a few days.! I may not feel his bony, soft body on me until.?! Maybe he will never come back. Maybe one of these crazy drivers out there in those impossible cars will not see him stepping out from the curb.! Or the police will round up the boys again, take them to some dark hole in some police station and beat the bare soles of their feet until they bleed, just for fun, and so they do not run away. Then hand them over to some Children's Home, where the older boys will have their hard fun with Mihai until they are surely satisfied, for the moment. And I will never see him again.! My arms have closed around him, I am clasping him to my chest... Mihai is awake now. I want to keep holding him close to me.! Mihai is struggling to get out from my grasp, and when I finally listen to him he smiles and pinches his stiff penis and bounces out the door to the bathroom.! He makes it in time. I am left without him, cold, exposed... alone.! There must be a way,... some way to have him close to me. Mihai returns and slides under the blankets next to me, leg between mine, arm over my chest, head on my shoulder. Kisses my neck and with a barely audible sigh, closes his eyes to go back to sleep, while he drags my arm over him. My eyes water. Oh gods tell me that I can have this, even for a little while. This is what I want. This is what I need. Please let me dream a while longer. * But the noises in the kitchen are not easy to sleep through a little more then half an hour later. My friend is making tea and setting up breakfast for the boys. Daniel is coming into my room, looking for Mihai. Smiles and pulls him from under the covers by his leg. Pisses Mihai off, but after a few loud words they both look at me with some concern. I shrug it off, but push Mihai out to get some pants on and some food into him, before they have to go. Before they have to go.! They are out the door. Down the stairs. Out the door. Into the cold, grey winter morning. I want to be happy, want to feel the afterglow of this night. But I feel empty and alone. By noon I have convinced myself that it was nothing, some little fun-on-the-run. There is no need to worry, or want, or sigh.! Only a few weeks and I will be back in the West for a project anyhow. It will be a story I tell a few friends about. Because these things do not happen to me, these... these kind of attachments. Hey, I am a wind-at-my-back kind of guy... that is how I have managed the last decades. Mihai will come back some day, will sleep on the sofa or in my friends room. Will be smiley and chatty. Cold and hungry. Small and dirty. Needing. And me,... well, I will be working. No time. Liar.! No way, I do not fit this picture. Liar.! He does not need me. Liar.! He will,... not want me.! Liar, liar, pants on fire.! * In the evening I have too much wine with dinner. Feeling a little tipsy. Laughing a little too loud. My friend is amused. I feel desperate. It is 9 pm and the mice have not come. 9:30 pm and no mice. I retreat to my room... to lick my wounds. The ones I don't have.! Yeah right. My door is almost closed and I am getting ready to hide under the covers. Until, there are excited voices in the hall.... THE MICE.! I am in the hall in 3 strides... and Mihai is in my arms in one jump.! Thank you gods, he is back! That night I hold him close and I don't mind the sweat.! One hand on his bum as he is laying on me, his leg between mine, the other one stroking his head. He has been asleep for some time already. But I can not find my way into the land of dreams... I think it is because I am already there. * By the time I am leaving for the West some weeks later, I know that Mihai will be there when I come back. And I will stay with him. And he with me. More in Mihai-07