Date: Wed, 13 Oct 2004 18:53:09 -0700 (PDT)
From: Thomas-Alexander Kind <thomasalexander_kind@yahoo.com>
Subject: Mihai-09

'The truth is out there.!'
And now here as well, as this is true and not all that
long ago...or maybe too long ago.!
No disclaimer, as the ones that hold the power do what
they want anyhow. Everybody else does not need one.
Storycode:M/b

Mihai-09

Summer than, new leaves, new dogs, new promise of
life.

I have finally realized that if I let Mihai stay with
me, during the day, there is even less chance of him
getting into trouble.
Mihai is silently elated.
Can't believe it sometimes and comes to me after
breakfast to check if I want him to go... go out and
get lost for a while.
Well actually I do want him to go out,... but only to
make friends with the boys in the block, who are
having another school-holiday and are playing soccer
on the street.
In front of my... no, our living room window.
They know he lives here, with me.
Know that he is from the street... somewhere.
I am sure their mothers have had a talk with them.
But as Mihai and I go in and out,... carrying
shopping-bags and stuff, they are around.
I take to having my apartment door open a lot during
the day, when moving in and out,... to sending Mihai
to the market or the little store in the next block.
Want to make sure there are no 'mysteries' to us being
here.
To him staying with me.

Seems to work,... as the kids come and look into the
kitchen window, which is next to the backdoor of the
block.
Say 'hi', when I smile at them.
Finally the boldest one asks for a drink of water,...
which I force Mihai to hand out to him,...and of
course the 5 other ones now need one too.!
So they ask questions of Mihai and in what seems like
minutes, Mihai and soccer ball are out the door and
everybody is shouting and running.

I hide behind the curtain, looking out of the big
living room window, and spy on the boisterous tribe of
boys playing... which include my boy.!
Joy is filling me, as I watch and the sun seems a
little brighter somehow.
I feel for a moment that I belong here... that WE
belong.
A moment of completeness, in such an incomplete world.
	*
Mihai has introduced the boys to the 'magic'
cupboard.!
He is willing to share, but is careful not to overdo
it.
I am amazed at his insightful way of dividing up the
goodies.

He has become very protective of me, our place and the
things that are in it... including his Playstation.
Sure he will have someone or the other over,... after
asking me.
But it is clear that he is the boss.
None of the boys, smaller or bigger, have any power
over him.
He decides what happens... in our place, and when the
time is up, everybody out.!
I have to smile sometimes, when he looks so
determined, as he dispatches the 2 boys from
upstairs... he likes them actually... the police-man's
sons.
A little younger than him, they are his most frequent
playmates and get invited in for those horrid battles
on the TV-screen most often.
	*
Small favours are traded between some of the women of
the block and myself as well... getting Mihai to run
to the store for someone.
Me typing and printing petitions for some official
cause or the other.
Even the usually grim looking men, exchange greetings
with me.
Can this really work.?!

It is my pleasure to buy Mihai decent clothes, to have
him look clean and have his hair cut.
Oh, the deep, fulfilling pleasure of doing the simple
tasks of caring for my boy.
Milk in the mornings and Vitamin drinks.
Food he likes and food he must eat.
We have pencil marks on the wall to check his height.
A scale in the bathroom to track his weight.
Mihai has a toy-box in the bedroom, and the magic
cupboard that fills itself with sweets.
He has a lock-box with money, change I give him, and
other treasures.
He has his hooks, by the door, for his coat and
stuff... a shelf in the cupboard for his shoes, soccer
ball and Super-Soaker.
His clothes are folded in his part of the cupboard in
the bedroom.

He lives here.!

He is making this strange place my 'home'.

There has never been any thought of him taking
anything without asking.
To stealing, or even deceive or trick me into
something.
In this country the only people that have NOT stolen
from me were 'street-boys'.!

Mihai scolds me, if I spend too much money on him in
one of the markets... to the point of walking away,...
than getting me to give him the money and of course he
comes back with the sneakers for much less than what I
would have paid for them 5 minutes before.
I am not allowed to give too much to the beggar boys.
Always give, yes, but not so much... he explains to
me... you are one of many that give... they do not
need so much.
The rest will go to their fathers alcoholic needs.
I am beginning to see the patterns... the smallest of
the beggars have their 'minders' waiting close by.

But I see also that Mihai leaves sometimes... I do not
ask him where he goes.
He is gone most of the day, and is solemn and
withdrawn when he returns.
Those nights, he switches off the TV early, takes my
hand and drags me away from my desk... and curls
himself around me in bed.
As much of his skin as possible touching mine.
His head on my shoulder.
His leg between mine.
It feels like he wants to crawl into me.
And his lovemaking is tainted with a desperateness
that makes me want to hold back... until he scolds me
and tells me that tonight, now... he needs all of me.!
Oh my little teacher,... you have many lessons for me
to learn.

So I hold him, afterwards, until he has fallen asleep.
Listen to the dogs barking and fighting outside the
window.
Know that there are places in my boy's heart, that are
dark and scary.
And that I will never be able to go there with him.
All I can do is hold him, listen for his breathing,
watch over his body and hope that he will find me in
his dreams.
	*
Once a month we drive to the big supermarket outside
of town.
Where all those big black cars expel tarted-up women
with Mafiosi looking men, that spend money in ways
that tells me that it must be ill-gotten.
Off the backs of the poor and desperate.!
The easily duped and deceived.
Dream-merchants of the NEW.

Mihai and I load up whole-sale style on basics and
more.
Most of this will go to his family, so he is even more
observant than usual what I am spending, what I am
buying.
Puts things back, when he does not agree, selects
'more' rather than 'better'.
Yes, I have much to learn.
But he watches over me.
And at the end of this exercise, well there is the one
thing that brings a shine to my boy's face,... Roasted
Chicken.!
Next to Strawberries and maybe cigarettes, maybe even
before... this is it.
Forget McDonald's, THIS is heaven in a bag.!
He smiles, sticks his nose into the bag,... wants to
taste it, but than does not allow himself the
pleasure. This is a whole production on how to make
something soooo good even better, by having to wait
for it.!
But once back at our place, and the food-stuff stowed,
there is a boy that is dancing around the table,
slamming plates down and cutlery... what ever that is
for...glasses,... and NOW.!
Clown that he is, his exaggeration of the delights of
roasted chicken in ones mouth is actually the real
thing for him.!
He has given up trying to understand why I do not eat
meat.
Passes the chicken leg under my nose smacking his
lips... and ferrying it swiftly into his mouth.
It is a pleasure unlike any other to see him at work.
Days like this have cadence all their own.
The good food, the ciggy afterwards, than a hot bath
with bubbles, which makes him fall asleep of course...
and MTV for a few hours on the couch, singing along
with the performers... leaning into me.
	*
We deliver the food-stuff,... I am not allowed to even
park close to his house.
But his shy twin sister is drafted and so is Vasile,
his younger brother, if he is there.
Money he delivers separately at other times, after he
has made sure that big brother and father are not
there.
Mother sends thanks and sometimes, small requests.
I am having windows put into the holes of the flat.
Buy propane, for the cooker.
Try to get something happening on the electricity, but
it seems there are problem, which even bribes can not
solve.!
I am beginning to suspect they are actually squatters.

My business is taking a lot of time to arrange.
So the whole summer is there for Mihai and myself.
Sometimes Vasile arrives home with Mihai, from one of
those trips that go to places I can't follow.
Vasile is younger by almost 2 years, a cute little boy
that solicists concern from the women in the block,
who talk to him, when he is outside playing with the
boys.
There is tension between the two, Mihai and Vasile,
but Mihai feels a responsibility for Vasile, that
makes him share and watch and sometimes jealous.
Vasile gets to stay over sometimes, naturally shares
our bed.?!
He is polite and funny.
Mihai makes sure he sleeps on the side to the wall,...
not HIS side.
Not beside me.
I am watching this with some apprehension.
	*
Hot summer, with nights too sticky to sleep other than
naked and barely covered by a light sheet.
Still Mihai's hand or leg finds me in the night.
Sometimes he holds on to my arm, leaving me with marks
that stay with me all day.
But the days are full of joy.
He has found a place in the tribe of boys from the
block.
There are fights and bruised egos at times.
Doors that get slammed and words that are not to be
spoken by boys in public.
A day that ends with sullen TV-watching.
Or the announcement that he is not going out today,
only to be lured by the calls from the back-stairs
anyhow.
All is as it should.
Going swimming, playing soccer... riding bikes.?!
I am watching him ride by... and only after this
happens a couple of days, do I remember suddenly, that
he does NOT have a bicycle.!
Well, he will have to tell me something about this...
I corner him.
With head hanging low, he admits that he is paying
some boy down the street to 'rent' his bicycle.
Ok,... I am not mad, but think it is a bad deal.
But he is ashamed that he is taking money from his
box... which he usually takes to mother.!

That afternoon I am buying a used bicycle from the
little repair/sales shop, all the boys go to, a couple
of streets away.
It is a boy's size,... but Mihai is small, not flashy,
but full suspension and 15 gears. I have it serviced
and accessorized.
A new flashy one, he will not be able to defend.
A little money, for someone that has not once asked
for money for himself.
He must have had a birthday... of course.

The bike is parked in the kitchen, Mihai is at his
mothers.
I am so excited... it is stupid, it is just an old
used bike... I am whistling while cooking.
Am antsy for him to get back.
When the heck is he coming back..?!

Better have a glass of wine, I am trying to be calm
and collected.
Until the door opens, Mihai is skidding into the hall,
chattering on about something, hug... kiss...
"What's for dinner.?"
...and spies the bike.!
Still in my arms, he is trying to wiggle free.
I pretend to hold on to him.
He is struggling.
I let him go, and he is by the bike in one skid.
Standing in front of it,... than touching it.
Than looking at me.
"Your bike.?"
I try not to crack up...
"Well, it is a little small for ME..?!"

His smile lights up the room, his jump into my arms,
legs around my waist almost topples us both. He has
grown some.
Kisses,... now I know why I did do this... more
kisses.!

He slips off and sits on the bike.
Gets off to look at some part, on again... pushing it
around... hey watch out.!
" Can I,..."
Well what did I expect. I understand.
So out the door he flies... down the back stairs and
down the street.
Gone.
Chasing the wind.
Dinner will be cold.
I best eat now,... who knows when he will be back.
But he is back some minutes later, a bit winded.
Bike gets wheeled into the kitchen.
Parked and he goes to wash his hands...?!
Sits at the table... I dish out the food.
He is all big eyes and smiles.
Well, I'll be.
And tells me, between mouthfuls of food, that nobody
ever gave him something this good.
And that he will take good care of it.
And that he will be careful.
He is not eating any longer and now standing in front
of me.
And that he does not know why I love him, but that
he... he is in
my arms now... loves me.!
And thank you, thank you.!

Yes, thank you gods, for this boy.
	*
The days have a sweet melody to them, there are
problems with work, but Mihai and I are having the
summer of our love.
Despite dentist appointments for Mihai, to have his
teeth taken care off.
Despite rain clouds at times.

Mihai has grown another inch and has put on another 3
pounds.
He has his own key and I leave him alone if I have to,
but often he is with me.
The couple of friends are making him welcome, when we
visit.
He remains shy and closed, other than with me.
We rarely need more than just us.
Do not rub on each other.
Are happiest to be by ourselves.
Need each other close.

It is hot into September, and all seems to be falling
into place nicely.
Business is finally getting off the ground and Mihai's
teeth are fixed.

I am walking to my bank, and find myself, together
with 20 other people, locked out.!
The bank has closed... or better, it has gone
bankrupt, blown up... finito, kaput.!
I am standing in line for the next 5 hours, only to be
told that there is not going to be anything I can do.!
I am desperate, but not the only one.
Police arrives to keep order.
This was the most 'Western' bank in town.
I never even thought about something like that... and
consequently I am now $ 12,000 dollars poorer.

In fact, I am now cleaned out.
My cell phone battery has given up... and I have
nobody left that I can call.
My friends here have lost even more than me.

I remember my Grandmother talking about this kind of
thing.

I slowly walk back to the apartment.
Now what.!


More in Mihai-10