Date: Sat, 23 May 2015 08:33:27 +0300
From: nursemother@yandex.com
Subject: Mom of a Much Loved Boy  (gay adult-youth)

This story contains graphic sexual scenes between males older and younger
than 18. If material of this nature offends you then you should not read
this story.

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This story is purely a work of fiction.  Any resemblance to person's living
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Thanks for reading.  If you feel like contacting me, I can be reached at
nursemother@yandex.com


I am writing this story part as therapy and part to tell my story and maybe
get either support or answers.  Since finding out and discovering that my
son was abused for years, I now have sexual thoughts and fantasies thinking
about what happened to my son.  Since this has happened I have spent lots
of time reading other accounts both true and fantasy of men being with boys
and of parents both moms and dads either accepting, letting, or fantasizing
about it happening.  I have some serious emotional turmoil now over putting
anything like my story down. Please never hurt a child.

I have changed names and some details to keep anonymity.

Some background that will help everything make sense:

My name is Claire and I grew up in New Mexico.  After finishing my training
in nursing I moved to Phoenix where I met a man and had a son.  When my son
was 6 and I was 30, my son's father became abusive towards me (more so than
usual, I seem to attract strong willed guys) and sent me to the hospital
with a fractured orbital bone.  My boyfriend made several threats about me
going through with the charges and such and so to get away a friend set me
up to move to Belize to work in a retirement type village that had a
nursing home/ hospice type place.  The job paid excellent, we got to get
away and my mom agreed to go with me.  The only catch was the job hours
where 72 hours on then 4 days off, followed by 96 hours on then 3 days off.
You got to sleep at the job in the bunk room and I loved the idea of having
3 or 4 days off at a time.  My mom agreed to watch Jason for me while I was
at the facility the rest of the time.  Jason being only 6 at the time and
also being a quiet reclusive child meant that he was excited about the trip
and leaving Phoenix behind.  He certainly missed his father, maybe more
than I realized.

We settled into Belize with ease and I absolutely loved my job and the
country.  Everyone spoke English and everyone was very nice.  We see more
older Americans than locals most days where we live.  I met a man from
Panama who moved to Belize for some sort of energy contract and we hit it
off great.  He was so nice and handsome, and had a great sense of humor.
He was also really good with Jason and the two of them really hit it off.
His name is Jorge and he was 44 when I met him. He seemed to know
everything and always had money with never seeming to actually go to work
on this energy contract.  He said that most of his work was done via a
computer with contracts and phone calls.  We dated for over a year when my
mom told me she had to leave for a while.  Her sister (my Aunt) had taken
very sick and she needed to go take care of her.  She wanted to take Jason
with her and said that it would be good for him to get to know her sister
and the other relatives we had in the New Mexico area.  I was heartbroken
and confided in Jorge what was going to happen and that Jason was going to
have to leave.  He offered that we should move in together and that he
would take care of Jason when I was at work.  I wanted this so bad, to have
a family with a man to get things done and to take care of us.  I knew
Jorge for a year and thought he was wonderful so I did not even listen to
any doubts I may have had about leaving my son for days at a time with a
man that I really didn't know much about.  Jason was 8 years old now.  A
skinny kid with the typical bright blue eyes and blonde hair that made him
stand out from most of the kids in Belize.  I always kept his hair longer
as I cried almost every time we got it cut.  I have always been so proud of
how beautiful my son is, even if I wasn't his mom I know that I would be
able to look at this boy and appreciate that he is very pretty.

3 years later I am sitting in a small office in a police station.

"we have some very upsetting news for you.  You have to keep in mind that
Jason is fine and that nothing bad will happen to him now, but we have
evidence that your son has been sexually abused"

I did not understand.  I was with Jason 5 minutes ago and he looked and
acted just fine.  At 10 he was still just as pretty and was now much more
outgoing.  He looked fine, so how could he have been sexually abused.

I sat silent waiting for the mistake to be realized and for them to let me
go.  The woman, some type of therapist, let me sit in my silence for what
felt like way too long.

"I know this is hard to take in or accept but there really isn't any easy
way to let you know all this, is there someone you would like to be with
you?"

"There has to be some mistake.  Jason hasn't been molested by anyone"

"I wish this was a mistake, anyone you want here with you?"

"Jorge" I responded

Anxious looks around the room as I began to slowly process the meaningful
glances.

"You think Jorge has been abusing Jason" I laughed with nervous tension

"Jorge is one of the leaders of a kiddie porn club and ring that
specializes in boys.  He was in jail in Panama before for child rape.  He
has been using Jason both for his sexual gratification and has shared, sold
or traded him to others.  I know this is all horrifying and I wouldn't want
to believe any of it either, but we have lots of photos and videos along
with statements from other witnesses that leave no doubt as to our
certainty on this matter"

I sat for a long moment and still in disbelief I wanted to see part of this
proof they had.  They left for a minute and came back and the therapist
asked me a few questions and gave me several warnings about not being able
to unsee things.  I didn't hear any of it as I was still very certain that
there was no proof and this was all some sort of elaborate setup or hoax or
possibly an attempt to get money from me or Jorge.

"These are just a few of what is a very large cache of media involving your
son."

A folder was put down in front of me and everyone left the room at the
advice of the therapist.  I think she was worried about me being
embarrassed with everyone seeing what was in the folder.

Alone now I felt much much better about the whole thing and after smiling
for a second as I was now more sure than ever that I had called there bluff
and this would all be over soon.  I opened the folder.

The pictures were printed in color on large photo paper.  My heart bolted
to my throat and my breathing stopped.  The photo was not that sexual or
anything, Jason was sitting on Jorge's lap.  The two were both completely
dressed in clothes that I instantly recognized.  Jorge's hand was behind
Jason's head and the two were in what looked like a pretty passionate kiss.
With tears now flowing down my cheek I flipped to the next one.

This photo showed Jason shirtless still sitting on Jorge's lap but now
Jorge had a hand over Jason's crotch and another on his chest.  I flipped
again after wiping more tears from my eyes.

The next photo showed Jason on the floor on his knees.  Still shirtless
facing a standing Jorge.  Jason's hand were opening Jorge's pants.  Jorge's
shirt was off as well now.

I found myself having the strangest thoughts.  I had so much to be angry
and mad about, but my mind was coming up with other things to be angry
about.  I remember thinking to myself how I bought those pants and for some
reason that made me upset.  I had enough to be mad about looking at my 9
year old son (I knew that he was still only 9 in these pics) opening up a
mans pants, but I was coming up with so much more.

Next page and I almost fainted.  Jorge's cock was in my sons mouth.  Jorge
had a pretty impressive cock and right now I was looking at my son with his
mouth stretched wide while apparently he was giving Jorge a blowjob.  Jason
had a hand on Jorge's cock as well and his other hand was resting on
Jorge's thigh.

I started to openly cry now and the therapist came in and started to
comfort me, she rubbed my back and reminded me that Jason was fine now.
That I just saw him and none of this changes who he is.  Some of her words
actually really helped.  She took the pictures and the folder away from me
and while I was relived, I was also disappointed.  I don't know why but I
wanted to see the rest of them and to see what else had happened.

For now that was all I would get though.  They went through all these items
and I guess at this point they were convinced I wasn't apart of it.  They
asked about my work and when they found out my schedule I guess all the
pieces fell into place for them as well.  At the end they introduced me to
a lawyer of sorts - I believe they used the word advocate but he is
essentially the lawyer for the victim and is suppose to represent the
family.  He expressed how sorry he was and said that he would be over later
to talk.  They through so much information at me, sessions for Jason if I
wanted them, giving me a place to get blood work done to get him checked
out.  Just to confirm he was healthy, ect..  The therapist gave me a bunch
of advice about how to talk and deal with Jason most of which I did not
even hear.  One thing she said was not to force him into being a victim or
being broken if he did not feel that way.  I got really angry at this
suggestion that my son was somehow not the victim, or that after seeing a
man's cock in my babies mouth that he was not broken.

The drive home was a quiet one.  I had no idea what to say, after a long
silence Jason asked me "are you mad at me?".

I quickly assured him that I wasn't, that everything was fine now and that
I could never be mad at him.  We then fell back into that awkward silence
and I realized that I was mad at him.  He kept this secret life from me for
years and I began to wonder if he wasn't a victim after all but a much more
willing participant that I would have thought.

Things happened somewhat fast after that initial day.  Appointments with
doctors and therapists along with our advocate.  Jason was sullen at home
and at first I thought it was because of the years of abuse and man sex he
had been subject to, but one night at dinner when I pressed him on it he
said "I miss Jorge".

More shock and anger.  I was tired and sick of being emotionally fried and
while I don't remember exactly what I said to him, I know it was very
unkind and he left crying.  I was livid at this point and every time I
thought about Jason or saw him, I pictured him kissing Jorge, or sucking on
Jorge's cock.  My mind also started to picture my son being fucked in his
little ass.  At this point I knew for sure that he was fucked many times
and not just by Jorge.  I think I started to picture these images in my
mind because I was so mad at Jorge and at Jason and the images allowed me
to focus that anger.

I went and met with a prosecutor who was handling the case.  A very nice
man who was very handsome.  We hit it off right away and after a few
meetings I felt very comfortable with him.  He, along with a therapist,
interviewed Jason many times.  The lawyer, Aldo, asked me one time if I
wanted to know the details of what Jason had said along with the other
pieces they had.  I admitted that I did and that I thought knowing
everything would help me help Jason better.  Thinking back though I really
wanted to know for myself as well, I was becoming enamored with the whole
perverted scene.

Belize authorities were first notified by Mexican Police that a Belize
national was caught crossing the border with a great deal of child
pornography.  The man was pictured in many of the pictures along with many
other men.  The pictures and videos contained both girls and boys of
various ages from 3 up to 14.  This was a new find for all agencies and
they quickly determined that it was some sort of ring.  The man admitted
that everyone knew each other by invite and that each person had to bring
and be willing to share a child with other members.  Many of the members
would be interested in different a different gender or age than the child
they had access to so they would willingly trade to get what they wanted.
Jorge was willing to be with both, but I was told he was much more into the
girls and so he traded Jason to many men for access to young pussy.  Jason
was apparently a favorite of many due to his good looks and being from the
US made him the "all American boy" that many men wanted.  I also learned
that him having a cut cock and blond hair also made him more desirable.  My
work schedule also meant that Jason was much more available than many of
the other kids so Jorge had a filed day trading with anyone who was
available.  Of all the pictures and videos collected Jason was probably the
most prominent amongst all the kids featured.

So I am sitting here learning that not only was Jason passed around to
many, many men but that he was a favorite and possibly the most sexually
active kid on the continent.  Again I just got angrier and not just at
Jorge, but with Jason as well.  I kept having a recurring dream featuring
my cute 10 year old son having sex with some strange looking black man.
Jason sucked his cock and pulled his legs up for him so the man could fuck
him.  I would wake up and find myself actually horny and excited by this
dream.

Aldo also told me that Jason said he liked most of the men.  He said that
most treated him very nice and he liked the attention.  He admitted that he
knew what was happening was wrong, but that he did not mind most of it.
Jason described that a few of the men would hurt him a little.  He got
spanked a few times and some of them had larger cocks that would hurt his
ass.  He also said that some of them would force their cocks into his mouth
too hard and make him gag and choke.  I now had more images to fuel my
anger and more thoughts in my head that Jason liked it and wanted it to
happen.  I started to look at him different, I started seeing him as a
sexual object and even a sexual rival with myself.  After all Jorge seemed
to prefer his ass to my pussy.

I asked Aldo about all the pictures and images.  He said that for the case
he had seen all of them and was mortified.  He claimed to have gotten
physically sick seeing all of this perverted material.  I doubted this and
thought that he was going overboard to let me know how upset he was by the
whole case.  I wanted, no I needed to see the pictures and videos now.  For
a couple of weeks I hinted and beat around the bush of the topic of them,
but now I could not resist asking.

"I want to see the videos and images with Jason in them" I bluntly stated

"I don't think that's such a good idea.  No good can come from it and it
will be terrible for you." Aldo replied

"It was terrible that Jason had to go through it, the least I can do is to
see what he went through" I said with a stern voice.

"Well you do actually have a right to, but I strongly urge against it.
Your son doesn't always look the victim in these and I don't want you to
blame him for any of this." Aldo said and I knew I had him.

"how dare you think that I would ever blame Jason for any of this" I said
and Aldo was taken back enough that I knew he would give me whatever I
wanted.

Aldo had a special laptop computer prepared for me and I was shown how to
use it to view the porn.  I told him that I was just too embarrassed to
look at it with anyone around and he agreed that I could take it home, but
I had to bring it back within a week and I was not allowed to transfer any
of the images or videos.  I agreed and left his office with a laptop
chronicling my son's so called abuse.

Jason laying on a couch, naked, legs spread wide as he fondles his hard
little cock.

Jason laying on the same couch on his stomach, legs spread as his ass is on
display for the camera.

Jason on a bed, on his knees, naked with his head down and his hands
pulling his ass apart for the camera.

Jason and some man I have never seen, both naked the man has his cock at
the entrance to my son's ass as Jason lies on his stomach on a bed.

My breathing was fast, my heart was racing, my pussy was wet and I was
crying.  After vowing to stop and walking away I returned and with a shaky
hand I played the very first video.

The floor and then the wall and finally the camera is set on Jason.  He is
only 9 here as I can tell by the clothes he is in and how small he is.  A
man walks over to him, not Jorge I noted, and gets on his knees in front of
my son.  He lifts Jason's arms over his head and pulls my son's t shirt off
him.  Rubbing Jason's arms and chest like he is trying to warm my son up he
then stops when his hands are at the top of Jason's pants.  I realized I
was holding my breath as I watched him unsnap my son's button, then gently
pull down my son's zipper and I finally exhaled as I saw my son's pants
slide down his tiny form.  With his pants pooled at his ankles the man
quickly grabbed Jason's crotch though his blue and white striped boxers.
The man seemed to be rough in his treatment of Jason's cock and balls, but
Jason stood in place with his hands on this man's head.  The man grabbed at
the sides of Jason's underwear and I moaned as I saw my son's hard cock
come into view.

I remember thinking back to when Jason was 9 and how he still seemed so
innocent to me.  But here he was with a hard cock looking like he wanted to
be played with.  As the man started to jack my son off I noticed Jason's
hips starting to pump a little obviously enjoying the sensation and I was
shocked when it actually seemed like Jason came while the man sucked on my
son's small but still very hard cock.  I did not think any boy could cum at
that age.  I realized now that I was hoping for more in this video, I
wanted to see the man's cock and actually hoped that Jason would suck it or
worse.  I was disgusted with myself, but that is how I felt.  I wasn't
disappointed when I saw Jason sitting in a chair now as this stranger feed
his rather impressive cock into my son's 9 year old mouth.  The man let
Jason, who was obviously not a first time cocksucker, do much of the work
at first.  Jason seemed rather skilled as I watched him jack the base of
the man's cock while mouth fucking the man's cockhead and then Jason lifted
the man's cock up and bent down to lick at the man's balls.  I was actually
rubbing my pussy now while watching my baby get used albeit rather
willingly.  After 5 minutes of leaving Jason to his own technique the man
finally grabbed Jason by his ears and started to mouth fuck him rather
hard.  Jason put his hands on each of the man's thighs and seemed to accept
the pummeling his throat must have been getting.  The man pulled out and
started to jack off rather fast telling Jason to open his mouth.  As soon
as Jason did the man started to shoot cum, hitting Jason first in the cheek
and then dumping the rest on my son's red tongue.  "swallow" the man said
and my son obediently complied.  I had another weirdly out of place though
"I can't ever get my son to eat".

I came looking at a freeze frame of my son getting cum shot into his open
mouth.  I then cried and made any vow to never look at this again.

Jason is on his knees, head down with his face turned so I can see his
concentrated expression.  A man with an average size cock is rubbing
Jason's rosebud with it.  I hear Jason grunt as the man pushes into him,
then I hear Jason say Ow as more cock disappears into his tight ass.
"mmmm" says the man as he pulls out just a little and pushes more in
causing a louder grunt from my son and I see a pained look on Jason's face.
"harder" I thought to myself as I was angrier at Jason now than ever before
for reasons I still don't fully understand.  Another grunt and I see Jason
squirm as the man grabs my sons small hips and slowly, but forcefully,
pushes in and in and in until I only see him pressed directly against
Jason's ass.  The man pulls out and then slams back in, again slow out and
hard back in.  Each time I see Jason's face flash with pain and I hear my
son grunt.  The man starts to fuck Jason now in a rhythm, matching the
tempo of "staying alive" by the bee jees the man fucks Jason harder and
faster than I thought a boy could take.  Jason seems to take it well though
and at one point I think Jason might even be pressing back on this man's
cock.  Before I wanted it to be, it was over.  The man buries himself deep
and is obviously cumming as Jason squirms and winces.  The cock the man
slowly pulls out seems twice as long as the one he put in and I wonder how
such a small boy can take it, surely it would have poked out the other side
I think.  The large cock comes closer and closer to the camera then I watch
as my sons well used asshole comes in to focus.  I start to orgasm as I see
a gaping hole dripping cum.

Countless pictures and videos I go through.  Jason getting spanked in one
made me glad at first then cry when Jason started to really lose it as the
man hurt my son.  A 20 minute long video showing a man fingering my sons
little ass, 1 finger, then 2, 3 and then 4 fingers ramming inside my son's
hole.  My son on his knees holding a cock in each hand smiling wide for the
camera.  A video of my son's ass being licked for an hour.  And one that I
watched numerous times showing three men getting first blown by Jason.  One
after another, then fucking Jason one after another.  I always orgasm when
the one man pulls out and the next man simply walks up and plunges right
into my son's cum filled ass.

My son was not always happy, but he was mostly happy in these pictures and
videos.  He seemed to have a very strong libido and seemed to love having
his tiny cock played with.  He also seemed to get way to into blowjobs for
a boy that shouldn't want an adult cock to be ramming into his mouth.  I
had another inappropriate thought while watching Jason give some man a
really amazing blowjob "I wish he would put that much effort into his
schoolwork".

Around the house now whenever I would see Jason I would see him in one of
those pictures of videos.  It seemed that no matter what position I found
him, I knew of him being fucked in that same position.

"its ok if you liked it" I said to him one day.  He looked at me like it
was a trap and I continued.  "I don't blame you I know it feels good to
have your privates played with and I know that you must have liked all the
attention"

"ya I guess" he answered flipping his long hair back out of his face.

"Do you miss it?" I asked "you know being with Jorge and those guys and
getting all that attention"

"ya" was all he said and I let it drop as I saw him turn red and I did not
want him to be embarrassed or ashamed.

"I guess I would too" is all I said as I went back into my bedroom to watch
yet another video of my son having sex with yet another man.

My son is now 13 and I still can't look at him without getting a little
aroused and without picturing him with a man.  He still hasn't entered the
full swing of puberty so he still has that boyish look and his cock has yet
to grow any hair.  I know that he has sought out, or they have sought out
him, several guys in the last couple years.  I guess he liked the attention
and probably the sex and when a cute boy is willing men will find him.  He
did not come right out and tell me, but I know the signs to look for now
and dried cum in the back of a boys underwear is a pretty telling sign.  I
hate myself for getting turned on by my son's abuse, but I am happy that I
can accept that it was not all abuse and that some of it was actually
probably good for my son.  I don't know much about the boylove relationship
and I know that many of the men who used my son's tiny body did not show
very much love.  I also saw many that did though, ones that laughed and
cuddled and seemed hard to make Jason smile every chance they got.  I can't
say that I forgive them or that I don't hate them, but I can certainly see
how they can find Jason desirable and I can't blame them for taking the
chance that was given to them.

Jorge fled the country and the trial for him never happened.  Many other
men were rounded up and they wanted Jason to testify, but we declined to be
involved anymore.  I still work everyday to process my thoughts on all of
this.  Some of what I saw and heard is just so outside the realm of what I
ever thought was possible or normal, but there is was happening in front of
me.  I don't know if my son is gay now or was gay before, but he does seem
to prefer men.  I want to help him, I really do, but I have no idea where
to really begin and feel guilty when I try because I can get aroused
talking with him about sex.  I have caught him a few times now putting
objects into his ass and fucking himself with them.  No mom should ever
have to walk in on her son while he is trying to shove a screwdriver handle
into his 12 year old ass, but I have.

Thanks for reading.  If you feel like contacting me, I can be reached at
nursemother@yandex.com

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