Date: Wed, 14 Jun 2006 20:34:44 -0700 (PDT) From: Nate Phate Subject: Mr. Kraver The author retains all rights to this story. Please do not publish anything without authorization. This is a true story that contains zero sex, between a teenager and an adult. Nothing happened. You'll find out why in the story. My name's Nathan. It was my sophomore year in high school just 2 years ago, and I was a mere 16 years of age. Now 18, I've gotten enough courage within myself to tell this story. It's not really a story, but more so a yearlong experience that I had with the only man I'll ever fall in love with. I have always considered myself straight. Every night I go to sleep with fantasies of beautiful women putting me to sleep. But this September day, the first day of school, after the first 4 periods of my day just zipped on by, I entered 5th period. Math. I thought nothing of the teacher at first. He is a man in his late fifties, though he looks nothing like it. Short, probably 5'8'', blonde hair, the most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen, and in good shape, or in my opinion, perfect shape...No he isn't all hard muscle, but he is in good shape for his age, very cuddly looking if I must say. He also wears the most interesting ring on his right hand..The first thing I noticed about him--that really got my juices flowing, is when he walked on by me, and the scent of this man just lifted me off my feet. What?? Why was I thinking about this? I'm a straight, heterosexual young man. Snap out of it, Nathan. He introduced himself as Mr. Kraver, and took roll of our class for the first time. When he got to my name, he stopped, asked about my middle name and through out a joke my way, and I was so fascinated by this man that I acted stupid and rudely acted like his joke wasn't funny. I'm still kicking myself for that, because after that day, our "relationship" continued with little to no spoken words... As the year slowly went by...I would get more and more excited to go to Mr. Kraver's class for math. During class, I would just sit there and stare at him, and admire him. God, he is such a sexy man. The thing that really got me was his sense of humor, and his stories of the military. Wow, a retired military man. What a turn on. But I still was too shy to talk to him. I wish I could have, but he is such a gorgeous human being, inside and out. I guess what I really liked about him was that he reminded me of my Dad, but then he didn't, as I dislike my dad very much. I can't explain it. I learned little to nothing in math, as all period long I'd just be admiring this man to death. And the thing is...he would look at me, too. Straight in the eyes. And I would get scared and look a different way. But something about those stares made me think: Could this incredible man be wanting me? NO. Nathan, don't be a naive little idiot. He's straight, he was in the military, he's in his fifties, I'm 16. NO. But day in and day out, I would catch him staring at me. When I did catch him, he would look away. This went on for the longest time. Whenever I started talking to my neighboring students in class while we worked on math, he would see me, smile, and walk over and try to get involved in the conversation every time. And I would get scared, and stop talking. Is he interested in me? Nooo, that would be ridiculous. Again I'm thinking with my naive little brain. He just wants to get involved with his students in a friendly way. But he would stare at me when I wasn't looking, and I'd catch him. And I'd stare at him when he wasn't looking, and he's catch me. He started getting a bit more aggressive (that is, if he did want me, but he probably didn't and it was all in my mind). On my tests, the problems I got wrong he would write step by step what I did wrong and how to do it right the next time, and draw the cutest little smiley faces on my test. Was this just on my test?? Is he flirting? Noo...he can't be. That was the thing about Mr. Kraver. He had such a neat sense of humor. He really did make math fun, so I didn't know if this was just flirting or him being creatively helpful. But those stares...everytime I caught him staring, for some reason I felt like there was something behind those stares... One day, a kid remarked to a friend, "That's so gay." Mr. Kraver immediately put the class to a halt, and lectured us about how much he hated that word, especially out of its correct context. Another time, some girl said, "Oh my God, Mr. Kraver, did you know that this person is gay?" She was talking about a well-known actor. He once again halted the class, and said, "So what? What does it matter if he's gay? Why does that interest you? I'm straight, does that interest you? Why does it matter?" I feel like he really put out an extra limb to put at ease stereotypes. What a great man... As the year continued, and warmed, I started wearing shorts. The very first day I walked into class with shorts on, he was in the middle of talking with a student, then his talking kind of went dead as he started saying things like "uhh", like his mind was somewhere else. And his eyes were on my bare legs. Staring. At my legs. No, Nathan. He's not staring in a sexual way....he can't be. He's too good for me, and he's straight. And so am I. He's in his fifties, don't be crazy. But I was. The stares continued, and even if they didn't happen every single day--when they did happen, when our eyes met for a split 2 seconds, I felt like there was something behind those stares. But no, I'm being ridiculous. He doesn't even talk to me. He hasn't called on me all year. One of my classmates asked him when his favorite era of his life was. He said it was when his kids were little, so whenever he'd walk through the door, they'd yell "DADDYYYY" and jump into his arms. I just about melted right there. I know he's a wonderful father. As the year neared an end...he would walk over to my side of the classroom often, sit down right by us, and start telling us stories, or just trying to start up a conversation with us. But what's this? He's not making eye contact with me. AT ALL. He can look every single one of us in the eye except me. I then started to think, maybe Mr. Kraver is afraid of me like I'm afraid of him. I don't know... He always wanted to get on my side of the classroom and talk with my neighboring classmates, but he never talked to me, or made eye contact with me at such a close distance. And if he did, I'd look away quickly. I was afraid of this dead sexy man, because I didn't know how to react to such a man. Oh, what a man.. FINALLY...one day my partner and I were working on math in class. My partner rose her hand to ask Mr. Kraver how to do a problem that we both weren't sure of. Oh no, I can't get this close to him. I started to panic, and said, "No no, I'll figure it out." I did, and told her how to do it. Mr. Kraver saw my partner's hand in the air though, and walked on over anyway. My partner said, "It's okay, Nathan showed me how to do it." Mr. Kraver started to walk away, but then stopped and turned around. "Thank you, Nathan." WHAT? Is he talking to me??? He noticed my flustered and confused face, and continued.."For showing her how to do it." And smiled. He was staring straight into my eyes. "Huh? Oh, anytime..." was all I could say, and smiled back. My heart was racing a thousand beats per minute. No exaggeraton. I was so flustered and nervous and, WHAT JUST HAPPENED? He actually acknowledged me. The last day of school came. I was incredibly sad. As we were taking our finals, I looked up once more and caught Mr. Kraver staring at me. We just stared at each other for a few seconds, and I continued with my final. At the end of the test, the bell rang, and I said goodbye to my friends in the classroom. One of my friends wanted to say goodbye to Mr. Kraver, and he gave her the tightest hug. Oh, I wish that hug were for me. He wished her a good future, and it was just me, my friend, and Mr. Kraver in the class. I wanted to shake his hand so bad, and tell him thanks for a good year. I was incredibly tempted. But I've never said a word to him all year. How awkward would it be to start now? So I, again being the idiot I am, rudely walked off. I think he was expecting me to say something to him, too. Just the way he hugged my friend, it seemed like he was waiting for me to finally speak to him, to say anything to him. But I was so damn nervous, I didn't. I'll never forget how beautiful Mr. Kraver was on that last day of school. His golden blonde hair combed all neatly. The way his beautiful blue eyes squinted when he smiled. He is said to be the best dressed teacher on campus, and I believe it. Though he was only a short 5'8'' or 5'9'', it made him kind of cute in a way. Cute, sexy, manly, gorgeous--this is all Mr. Kraver and more. And though we never spoke a word, I feel like I fell in love with this gorgeous man. And that's so stupid of me. We haven't spoken a word, yet I was in a trance anytime I saw him, or thought of him, and wished to be with him. During that summer, every night I would just think of Mr. Kraver. Thoughts of him would put me to sleep, and I was so sad, so devastated that I was no longer a student of his. And I kept thinking, did those stares mean anything? The way he would come over near me whenever I started talking to a classmate, the way he stared at my legs when I wore shorts that one day..the way he drew smiley faces on my test, the way he looked at me straight in the eyes that one day, smiled, and thanked me for helping my partner with math? Did they mean anything? Logically, I keep saying no. I'm being out of my mind and naive. I'm being crazy. But...I feel like I love this man. Junior year came along, and I thought my thoughts of him would subside. They didn't, they still stayed just as strong. Every now and then, I'd see him walking somewhere, and I would just lift off my feet and get stupid, and just admire such a beautiful man. I need to get over it, but I can't. I absolutely cannot get over this man. I will now be entering senior year, and then I'm off to college, where I will probably never see Mr. Kraver ever again. And that's devastating to me. But I felt like he tried and wanted to get to know me, but I didn't allow him to because I was scared. I always hope that one day we can speak again, but I know that day will never come.. Questions, comments, concerns: write at natejob18@yahoo.com.