Date: Tue, 26 Mar 2002 03:50:31 -0800 From: Rick Beck Subject: Billie Joes Journal 14 Thanks to BP for editing assistance. Because of the nature of this chapter, it's necessary to mention that this author in no way endorses the exploitation of children under any circumstances. Billie Joe's Journal Chapter 14 The City Earl continued to educate me all over his house. We studied in the kitchen, and on the stairs, and in the basement while doing laundry one afternoon. We studied in the bathroom, and on the porch, and once in the car. Earl had a sexual appetite equal to my own. He had managed to erase another guilt I'd developed once I had found out once wasn't enough. Perhaps Earl awakened me to some of the answers I was looking for. Sex wasn't anything like was portrayed on television and in the movies, nor was it anything like what was described in the classroom or the pulpit, not for me anyway. Sex wasn't about courting and marriage, though it can be about that for some people but not all. There was me and Earl and probably others that felt sex was part of life and we wanted to deal with it on our own terms and not as prescribed for us by those who prescribed so much for our daily solace. I had found out that sex is a force living inside of us. It changes according to our individual needs and in accordance with those people we are with. We are all different with unique appetites and desires. Everyone isn't cut out to be a parent or a father, but that doesn't mean you don't have a sexual appetite you need to satisfy. The more you deny yourself the joy of sex, the greater the hunger burns, in my case anyway. I had found myself wondering if there was an opposite side to that coin and Earl seemed more than willing to help me find an answer to that question. He had already taken care of any question I had about my physical limitations concerning my sexual capacity. Twice he got me off a second time without giving me any time for regrouping. Before leaving Minnesota I jacked off twice in a row a few times and I knew my needs were changing as I matured. The idea I could have four orgasms in a day with someone like Earl had never occurred to me. Exhaustion and the sleep that followed seemed to be the other major change in my usual routine, but then again, I found even sleep led to sex with Earl, who had no inhibition about waking me with his mouth. I also learned that can't wasn't a word in Earl's vocabulary. The experience was always enjoyable but it became even more exhausting after a few days. Everything seemed to lead up to or away from sex while I was with him and there were no obstacles preventing us from stopping in the middle of what we were doing to go at one another. We didn't have to go out and we didn't need to get dressed, so we were often led to it while doing something quite innocent. As much as Earl taught me I knew I didn't love him or even feel intense toward him once the passions drained off my lust. I liked him and he was available any time the mood struck. After a few days it was merely a biological response to a stimulus. I did it because I could and at times because I wanted to see if I could again. He was such an easy going person that I didn't need to worry about him turning on me but I thought too much sex can wear out your feeling for someone, or maybe it just makes you numb to less intense feelings. These days with Earl changed my concepts of sex and love. I think those were the days that allowed me to separate sex from love while still believing that good sex was an important part of loving. That was another lesson Earl taught me. I realized what I felt for Raymond was pure lust. That became something else after we'd spent those life and death moments in the woods of Oregon. His red hair, uncut penis, smooth skin was a novelty that pulled my trigger big time. I'd never met anyone like him. When he kept coming on to me, I was drawn to the mysteries he represented. With Sven I'd been curious about how such a straight guy could become so enraptured by someone as gay as Raymond. I'd always been too ashamed or afraid to let anyone see my penis and after being with Carl, I was sure I was embarrassingly small. With Raymond and Earl both telling me I wasn't small at all my shame about the size of my penis had dwindled. I didn't know I was taking baby steps that would be beneficial at a later time, but things were changing each time I met someone new. Earl kept reminding me to be careful and he tried to give me money during the harrowing drive toward San Francisco. I told him it would be like giving me a million bucks if he'd just keep his eye on the road, his hands on the wheel, and the car on the road. The crazy part about this was everyone on the highway was driving just like he was. They jerked their cars from lane to lane, sped up and slowed down abruptly without warning, and frequently were driving off the road surface. The only substantial difference I could see was that Earl did these things at forty miles an hour while everyone else was doing like ninety. It must be a California thing. I sat in the middle of the seat and held Earl's hand once we were on slow moving city streets. It was a little like the night before I left Ingmar's truck. This was both thrilling and frightening and if nothing else, Earl represented safety and comfort. I wouldn't know these people where he was dropping me off and it was going to be like starting all over again. The house stood high up on a hill. Everything seemed to stand high up on a hill. The sun was starting to set and I could see Alcatraz way down by the bay. As high as the house was, we had to still walk up two flights of stairs to get to the front door. It made me dizzy looking down the hill. How could anyone sleep on a slant like that? A rotund middle aged man answered the door after Earl's knock. "Earl, baby. Mother's been waiting up for you. So hard keeping her eyes open this time of night. Getting old you know." "It's only seven-thirty. I've found sleep helps, Dennis. You still watching television all night?" "You know all my secret's Earl. John-boy, our company's here." Dennis held the door as I followed close behind Earl. He smiled sweetly when I made eye contact and I quickly looked away. He was dressed in white shorts and a black T-shirt with some ancient design. It hugged his formidable belly in an ugly way. He hadn't shaved in several days or perhaps he was going for that Miami Vice look. There was gray hair in his beard and around each ear. John was wiping his hands on a T-towel and charged toward us. He was a somewhat smaller version of Dennis, but his appearance struck me as strangely similar to the other man. "Just fixing some desert for our wayward child. You do know I can't have any more children, since you left us dear, and how's our Prince today?" "I'm great John. This is Billie Joe Walker Jr. He's the young man I've been telling you about." "Robbing the old cradle are we Earl?" Dennis said following us into the living room. I felt his eyes on my butt and there was a sickly feeling just under my breastbone. "He's more man than anyone I've met in years, Dennis. He's older than he looks." "We aren't harboring a fugitive are we now, Earl? If this is Bonnie or Claude, or a Dillenger in training, you'd tell us wouldn't you dear?" "Dennis, will you get off it. I told you the story, now do you want to give him a safe place to crash or do you want to bust my balls? I think he's too young and too naive for these streets, but I can't get him to stay with me another minute. I've tried. I've offered him everything but the family jewels." "You do have it bad. He must be something. The Prince never needs anyone as I recall. If the youngster wants to see the city and needs a place to sleep, he's found it. Range rules: You are in the house by 10p.m. Doors are locked and we are in bed after that and you're on your own. You will be here at 8a.m. for breakfast so we know you're still among the living, and then you can do as you please. Them's the house rules," John said. "For someone your age, those are generous hours, son. You look like I should be tucking you in about now." "I'm older than I look," I said firmly. "Oh, you're fourteen? Well, that's different." "If he wanted to be hassled I'm sure he could have stayed home," Earl said. "That's right, John. Bill, the rules are optional in your case. We'd appreciate you being in the house after ten and we won't worry about you. We'd like to know you start the day with a good healthy meal. That's the only reason why we like breakfast together. If that suits you I think we've got a deal." "I don't have any problem with that," I said. Dennis seemed to have a twinkle in his eye I didn't care for and he was way too agreeable. "What are your plans, dear?" Dennis asked. "I want to drive him around and show him what part of the gay area to avoid and where to go to find the nicest people. I'll show him the safe houses in case he gets into trouble. That's all I can do. We'll be back by ten." "You can stretch it a bit tonight. It's Friday after all. John and I go wild on Friday nights. We've rented the latest porn from the Eastern Block. I just adore those hairless uncut boys, don't you? Not much new coming out of France these days." "Everyone does, Dennis. I don't think it is Billie Joe's cup of tea. He's into the tactile." "You are the one who would know, dear." I wasn't sure exactly what was being said, but I would have that feeling much of the time I was around gay people. They had their own language and used words I didn't understand. I just tried to ignore what I wasn't sure about. The City was alive with activity. We drove down to the first cross street and made a right, and in five minutes Earl was giving me the tour of the gay section. People were on the move and were dressed in some pretty crazy outfits. I'd never seen anything like it in Minnesota. The tour lasted for thirty minutes and we returned to the house. The door was unlocked and there was a note on the table for Earl to show me to his old room, and for him to lock the door when he left. It was still early, and I wondered what I'd do all evening. Earl took me up the stairs and down to the end of the hall. He opened the door into a very nice room. There was a television, VCR, stereo, complete with CD's, cassettes, and one cupboard that was filled with videos. Earl took me over to the bed and we lie down together and added that to the places we'd made out during the week. The cool sheets felt good against my skin, and I fell asleep as Earl left to go to the bars to see some old friends. "Up, up, youngster. Breakfast will be ready in twenty minutes. Your bathroom is next door. It's a nice sunny day for you to go a wandering." John was too damn cheerful for that hour. He sang the words and I tried to force my eyes open. There were two towels, a wash cloth, and a new bar of soap on the side of the tub. I adjusted the fine flow of the shower to my liking. I put on my jeans and the Forty Niner T-shirt. Dennis was seated in the far cornier near the big picture window reading the paper as I passed through the living room. His feet were curled up under him, and his legs were as chubby as the rest of him. I mumbled good morning and sped past going into the kitchen in time to have John hand me some jars. "On the table, Billie Joe. Sit down. Coffee, tea, or meeilk?" "Coffee please." "Cream and sugar I suppose. We never use it. Clogs the arteries. I'll bring it with the coffee. Sit. Sit. Make yourself at home." John danced around the kitchen like I imagined a chef would. If Earl cooked with an economy of motion, John cooked with a flare. He used wide arm motions and dashed and slashed with seasons and items he added to whatever he was fixing at the time. He grated cheese from a large block and ate half of what he cut. I wasn't sure about these guys. I knew what Earl said but I knew what I felt. I would be careful. The food was fine. No one acted like they were all that thrilled about me being there. John continued to call me youngster, and Dennis started calling me B.J., in the kind of way you are saying one thing while mean quite another. I pretend I didn't notice. John continued to be friendly and effervesced all over the house. I noticed Dennis watching me a couple of times. He may have been harmless enough but those twinkles in his eyes didn't make me feel any better. "Come, youngster. I'm walking over to the organic food market. I'll show you some safe places where you might find people your age. You've got to be careful who you take up with. They are on the street, and they will take advantage if you want to let them. In plain English, they're a bunch of thieves. Be careful not to trust them or give them any money." I got a somewhat different tour from John than I'd gotten from Earl. He knew storefronts where they helped runaway kids, and others that were there to help the homeless kids. There was a drug abuse clinic and a meeting place for gay youth. He took me inside the door. It was empty. There was a pool table with the felt ripped, and there were other tables and chairs scattered around. There was an old television with rabbit ears that had foil wrapped around them. There was a radio blasting music in the background, but there was no gay youth. "It's a bit early for the natives but by noon this becomes their meeting place." I went with John to a store run by a polite elderly Chinese man. He seemed overly friendly and he knew John who asked him about different things. He introduced me as his houseguest and that got me a smile and a nod. I carried the bags for him until we got almost back to the house. John turned and took the bags and handed me a five-dollar bill. "I don't want this. You're giving me a place to stay, John. The least I can do is carry your bags for you." "Take it. I want you to have a good lunch. Save your money in case you need it. I'll leave things out for your dinner. We'll probably be in bed by the time you're home. Try not to be too late and lock the door. Dennis will get up and check, so if you don't want a lecture in the morning, 'nough said. You've got the phone number if there's trouble. Have a good time, and be careful." John trotted off with more energy than a middle age man ought to have. I stuffed the money in my pocket. I'd never been given money by anyone but my parents. I had earned money mowing lawns and baby sitting, but since leaving home everyone had tried to give me money. I remembered what Raymond had told me about that and it made me feel better. The foot traffic seemed light. The gay area had a totally different feel and look in the morning. I saw some guys my age but they were pretty grubby looking. Not the kind of people I'd be comfortable with. They leaned together and talked near what looked like an abandoned building. The lines of cars that had been there the night before had been reduced to an occasional car turning on the street where I walked. The din from the night before was missing and it was relatively peaceful. I passed the bars, restaurants and bookstores as I walked. A middle aged man bumped into me coming out of one shop. He was holding a box with a movie I thought he just rented and he gave me a big smile. "Excuse me, handsome! I'm going for breakfast, want to come along?" "No thank you." "I'd make it worth your while. I've got a great tape here, and we can watch and well, do whatever it is you do. You're too cute to be out alone." "No thanks" I backed away as I talked. I felt his eyes on me. I shivered and turned up the collar on my jacket as I rushed away. There was a small coffee shop on the next corner. I ducked in and had more coffee. I was already dancing in my shoes from four cups at breakfast but I liked the taste and needed a break from my tour. The man who I was trying to avoid came to the window and peered in. A boy came and sat down in front of me to block the view. "That creep trying to get in your pants kid?" "I don't know. I think he followed me," I said, alarmed. "He's a chicken hawk. He's harmless but they tell me he's strange. Stay away from that one is my advice. You're new." "Just visiting my uncle over a few blocks." "I'm Harvey. I live here." He reached out a less than clean hand, and I shook it still looking around. It occurred to me that Harvey had been one of the boys standing in front of the abandoned building when I had passed. "Do you have a name kid?" "Billie Joe. Sorry. My minds elsewhere." "Don't let that creep bother you. He ain't nobody. I'll watch your back a while if he worries you." I asked Harvey if he wanted a cup of coffee. I used the change in my pocket to pay for it. A guy with a dirty white apron brought it. "Thought I told you I didn't want you hanging in here boy. You drink up and get out," the man said harshly as he half wiped our table. "Sorry if I'm hurting your chair, Mister," Harvey said sarcastically. "Don't you have to treat customers with a little respect or something. I'm a customer too." "Just drink up. I don't need your kind of customer." He held the cup with both hands and both hands were equally dirty. His fingernails were long and collected more dirt. His face was dirty. I thought I could smell him but wasn't sure. He studied the inside of his cup. "Illinois. Chicago maybe." "Me? Minnesota," I said, refuting his guess. "I could tell by the accent. I'm pretty good at it." "Where are you from?" "Texas." "You're family move out here?" I asked. "No, my family wouldn't be caught dead out here. That's why I'm here." "You don't get along?" "They tossed me out a year ago. I was fifteen way back then. I'm much older now." "I'm fifteen. Almost sixteen," I caught myself and bit my tongue for telling him my age. "Why did they throw you out?" He looked into his cup before looking at me through sad blue eyes. "Didn't get along." "Why'd you come to San Francisco?" I asked. "I'd heard stories. Thought this is where I belonged." "Is it?" "Hell no. I don't belong anywhere. I'm too old to get any real help, and too young to get a job. I'm just about right for people like that creep to amuse him for awhile." "You go off with guys like him." "Nah! I like the older guys. They're harmless and sometimes generous. It's cool." "Oh!" I said. "You gay? That's why I got kicked out." "You tell them you were?" I asked and was all ears. "No. They caught me with my uncle. We were out in his camper. My old man opened the door and caught his brother feeding me the old Polish sausage up my tailpipe. He'd always told me to knock, guess he should have taken his own advice." "Bummer," I said. "It was bound to happen. We'd been going at it since I was thirteen. My old man yanked me out of the back of that camper with my pants down to my ankles and my dick swinging in the breeze. He told me to pull up my pants and get my ass out of there pronto or he'd kill me." "How did you make it." "I caught a ride out here and the rest is ancient history." "How long you been here?" "Almost a year now. What month is it? Summer, huh?" "Yeah, summer. Why don't you find someone to live with. Don't gay guys want someone like you?" "I do. They like you for a few weeks, some a few days, the ones that want to take the risk on you." "Risk?" "The law. Cops see you with some old dude, you're history and he's doing time." "Doing time for helping you?" "Contributing, molesting, whatever they can come up with. You can't take in street kids in this town if you're smart." "I'd think they'd want you off the street so you'd be safe," I said. "Not if you're having sex and they know most gay men aren't picking us up for the joy of it. The cops are paranoid about sex." "That can't be right," I said. "We come out here to find gay guys." "I suppose. They aren't really out here looking for no kids to raise. I mean some will pick you up but they expect something for their trouble. I would if I was them." "That's bogus. I thought gay guys would take care of gay kids." "Tell me about it. I thought guys would be dying to help me. I mean I didn't mind the thought of the sex thing. I was ready to rock and roll. It's just too dangerous for guys that want to help and we're flooding the market. There isn't enough help and every day more of us show up. Every gay kid gets thrown out thinks he'll come here and be a star." "The guys I'm staying with are cool," I said, feeling good after listening to Harvey. "I thought you were staying with an uncle or something?" "No. I ran away. I hitched down from my brother's in Seattle. Everyone's been pretty nice." "It's different on the road. There aren't so many of us. Some one picks you up and wants to keep you. Here, the streets are full of Harvey's. You take your pick and come back for another one later." "You ever been hurt." "Besides my old man? I been raped a couple of times. There's always assholes. I been beat up a couple of times. Usually by other kids that want something but it's mostly cool. I do okay. There's guys I watch their back. There's guys they watch mine. And tourists like you that buys me coffee." "What about the gay youth center? I was told kids go there. That's pretty cool. No such place back home." "Sure they do. You got to be careful you don't end up with Social Services climbing up your butt. That's the kiss of death out here. You think the streets sound bad, those places are real bad. You end up with twenty other kids and only the strong survive. Trust me on that one. No matter where you go, someone is always stronger than you. You got to give him what he's after to survive." "You mean other kids?" "Other kids, councilors, workers. You are no body in those places. Lots of 'em want a piece of you. I got more sex inside a foster homes than I ever got on the street." "Bummer!" "No kid, it's the way it is." I walked with Harvey. He showed me places where he hung out. He showed me people. Especially he pointed out the ones to avoid. We saw the creep again later. He saw me with Harvey and immediately drove off. I didn't see him again. "When's the last time you had a motel room?" "A few weeks. I been sick. Couldn't turn no tricks. Got down and now I'm too dirty for anyone that don't know me. I'll get better soon. I'll get in on a shower. Clean up my clothes so I don't smell like this." "That might help," I said. "Everyone's had me once. Some guys come into town for me, but it's hard to keep yourself up. There's places I know to go eat, and I stick with my buddies if I ain't workin'." "Are they all gay? Your buddies?" "Some are. Some aren't. Most are here because they've got no place else. They hear you can survive in the city." "What do you do for food when you don't have money?" "Dumpster dive. I eat good. I know the right restaurants where they dump good stuff." "Sounds disgusting." "You live here awhile, kid. It'll sound like the Ritz." We walked down to the Gay Youth Center, and stepped inside the door. There were a dozen kids of various ages and sizes standing around. They all looked tougher than Harvey, even the girls. He didn't go past the door, and I went back out with him. "If I could get you a shower and a meal, you want to go?" "Sure. What do you want for it? Blow? Handjob? My ass costs more than a shower and food, you know." Harvey bargained with me as we walked. "My dick's nice. Long and thin so it's good for fucking or getting sucked. Whatever's your taste. Nothin' I got goes to waste." "That's gross. I want to get you a shower and a good meal. I think the guys I'm staying with will go for it. I'll call and ask them. You got to be cool. I don't want to piss them off." Dennis answered the phone with a yawn. I told him I had a friend that needed a shower and a meal. He said to bring him up. I was surprised. I thought John would go for it, but I was sure we'd have trouble getting it past Dennie. He stood at the door and watched us coming up the stairs. "Come on in. I'm Dennis." "This is Harvey. He's my friend." We went to the kitchen where John was making sandwiches and stirring soup. He set down sodas and chips as he glided around us. The sandwiches were three inches high and stacked with the most marvelous collection of goodies. Harvey devoured his and a bowl of soup. "Well, let's get your friend a towel. He could use a good scrubbing," Dennis said cheerfully. Harvey was tall and thinner than I thought. He had the same color pubic hair as me but not as much of it. He closed the door to the bathroom after giving up his clothes for a washing. I tossed them down to John who was waiting for them. "You seen the movie collection, Bill. I bet this kid would like to see a good movie. I'll get John to cook you up some popcorn. He will probably want to bathe for awhile since he's so crusty. Let me set something up you like and when he comes out you can watch together." Dennis suddenly seemed very friendly to me. I didn't expect him to be nice to Harvey or to care about him seeing a movie. I guess I wasn't always right about everyone. He just hadn't seemed that pleasant before. I was glad Harvey was getting a nice reception. After selecting a couple of movies, I went to my room to get out some of my clothes I thought he could wear until his were done. After about fifteen minutes I started to wonder how long he was going to be. I walked back downstairs but no one was around. I shrugged and went back up so Harvey wouldn't be alone when his shower was done. I stood at the door and listened but all I could hear was the running water. He didn't strike me as the type who would need to shower for that long, but what did I know. I decided to go back to my room but heard voices across the hall. There was a crack in the door and I was unable to avoid looking to see what I could see. Dennis stood naked beside the bed. Harvey was kneeling naked in front of him giving him a blowjob while his still wet hair dripped water on his face. John was positioned between Harvey's legs and his lips were in the pubic hair that reminded me of mine. Dennis held Harvey's face in place and his fat cock stretched wide the boy's narrow lips. His arms barely stretched around the hairy man's middle. Both men were big and Dennis made two of Harvey. It made little difference as the only part of the man Harvey seemed worried about was his erection and he gave devoted service until Dennis grunted a few times, seizing back the well-veined ruddy member. He jerked off on Harvey's face and chest as the boy sat obediently, his smooth pale skin soaking up the hot thick goo. Once Dennis was done John lifted Harvey up onto the bed on his back. He held a hand under the back of each knee to elevate the boy's thin legs. There was no hair near his ass. He was almost devoid of hair except what was on his head and the tiny patch that encompassed his dick. The teenager that had seemed so old to me before looked thirteen wedged between his two hairy admirers. His dick had gone soft as quick as John deserted it. Now, the needy man attached his mouth to the Harvey's bottom. Dennis sat on the bed and pulled Harvey's face back on his flaccid penis. It was still fat but it took Harvey no effort to get his lips down into the man's pubic hair. Dennis leaned back with his hands flat on the bed as Harvey sucked and John licked. The activity seemed tame until John stood and placed the head of his cock on Harvey's brown hole. In a few seconds he had slid out of sight. Now Harvey's knees were over John's shoulders as the fleshy hairy butt tensed forward and eased back in fluid motion. I could not see his face but judging by the speed and his posture, he seemed wed to the activity. He neither moved at a punishing speed nor were his movements agonizingly slow. He found some even ground and worked from there. There was no protest or any sign that Harvey found their linking disagreeable. His jaws kept managing Dennis while his eyes stayed closed and his arms were relaxed at his side. It was then that John leaned back on his heels and long streams of semen shot out of him and up onto Harvey's body. By this time Dennis' excitement had forced Harvey's mouth back off all but the top quarter of his cock. In a minute Dennis was forcing two fingers into Harvey's butt while the boy held his legs dutifully skyward. The man's cockhead was twice as large as his buddies and it seemed a good idea to further widen the receptacle before plunging forth. Harvey did finally make a noise as Dennis replaced his fingers with the object Harvey's mouth had studied so thoroughly. Dennis held Harvey's thighs as his hips thrust hard. Harvey slid on the bed as the bigger man worked his asshole over in a vigorous way. John watched intently as Dennis increased speed and intensity. Harvey's head turned into John's lap and he sucked up the softened prick. John's one hand massaged the collection of cum into Harvey's skin as the other hand held his brown haired head close to his belly. The bed squeaked, the boy rocked and sucked, and the sweat started to run down Dennis' back and into the crack of his ass. He took much longer this time but finally yanked himself free and pulled down hard to release the explosion of semen. More followed and Dennis deposited it on Harvey's body until he finally could sit back and let the remainder of his production to run down over his fat fingers. "That good enough?" Harvey asked. "Yeah," Dennis panted as Harvey scooped up a twenty-dollar bill that lay on the corner of the bed. Harvey then took matters in hand and started pulling on his own dick with the twenty clutched between his hand and his balls. It took a half dozen strokes for him to get erect and another half dozen for the watery spray to splatter between his nipples and down on his tummy. A few more strokes and he sat up on the edge of the bed as cum ran down his body toward his crotch. Harvey just stood limp. They bent him over the corner of the bed and John stood behind him lubricating up his ass. John groaned loud as he shoved himself into Harvey. Dennis put his finger to his lips and indicated to John to be quiet. I knew what he was telling him. I backed away from the door and returned to my room. I was shaking for some reason. I wasn't at all turned on to the scene I had watched. Before that time and place almost anything sexual got me going. Even when I didn't want to be part of it I still got hard seeing dicks and asses in motion. Watching sex usually made me dizzy and hot, followed by an immediate need to find a place where I could jerk off. However, what I had just seen made me feel a little sick in my heart and I didn't know what had changed. I listened closely until I could hear Harvey in the shower again. The sound of the shower stopped after five more minutes. The sound of the curtain opening was louder than I expected it should be. I leaned back on my pillow and tried to prepare myself for Harvey's arrival. Up until now everyone I had met since going on the road had been pretty cool, except for the man in the car with the smoked windows. bjwalkerjr@37.com