My Time With Tommy

Part 5

I woke up the next morning before my alarm went off. I get up, and go to the bathroom trying not to wake Tommy. I go, and pee then head to the kitchen to start some coffee. While I watch it slowly brew into coffee Tommy appears beside me.
“Good morning Buddy.” I say to him.

“Mornin,” He says sleepily.

I get out some eggs, and milk and start making French toast. I add a little vanilla to the eggs, and milk to make it taste a little nicer. I even add a pinch of cinnamon to the mix. I start frying up the toast, and Tommy sits a cup of coffee next to me.

“Thanks Tommy.” I say and rub the top of his head.

He looks up at me, and smiles.

I finish the toast and put it on plates for us. I grab cutlery, and sit it on the table as well. Tommy has gotten himself some milk for this. I get out both syrups to see what he does. Again he does one blueberry the other maple. I watch him, and he looks at me.

“I cant decide which one I like best.” He says.

“I didn't say a word,” I say, and smile at him. “You excited about school today?”
“Its school whats to be excited about?”
“Well, lots of things. Like seeing Linda, lunch, and learning new stuff. Besides you probably got a lot of homework seeing as how you missed two days.”

“Yeah probably.” He says not smiling at that thought at all.

We finish our breakfast, and I rinse the dishes off to do later.

“Do you walk to school or ride the bus?”
“I walk.”
“What time do you need to leave to be on time?”
He looks at the clock on the microwave.

“About twenty minutes.” He says.

“Better get your butt moving then.”
He walks slowly to his room. I walk into my room, and my phones alarm is going off. I shut it off, put on some jeans, and a t shirt. Slip some socks on and some tennis shoes. I go to his room, and hes sitting on the bed all dressed including new Jordan's.

“They will like your shoes buddy.”
“Yeah. I just don't want to go.”
“I hear what you are saying. But, you have to go.”
“I know. I just know that all the kids know my dad got arrested again. I hate it cuz they will be calling me a drunk, and stuff. Saying I ain’t nothing but white trash.” He says starting to cry.

“Well you tell them you aren't white trash. That you live with me now, and we are not white trash.”
“They will still make fun of me.”
“I know buddy. It sucks. But its only until you come home, and then you will have me, and Linda to make you feel like who you actually are. So when they make fun you just smile at them.”
“What if they hit me?”
“Then hit them back.”
“I wont get in trouble?”
“At school you will I'm sure. But, not here. Here we defend ourselves from bullies.”
“OK.”
As I start to get up I hear a knocking in the door. I go get it and its Linda smiling ear to ear.

“Hey Eric. I came by to walk to school with Tommy.”

“I’m so glad to see you princess. Have you had breakfast?” I say smiling at her.
“No. But, it ain’t no big thing.”
“You get right in here and have some breakfast right now young lady.” I order her.

She looks at me kind of scared.

“I'm sorry I didn't mean that to sound harsh. I just want to make sure you have breakfast. Its important when you are in school.”
“Its OK.” She says smiling.

“Tommy your girl friend is here.” I holler back towards his room. I see in the corner of her eye she smiles when I say that.

“C’mon punkin lets get you some French toast real quick.”
I mix together a couple eggs, and milk. Dip the bread, and start frying it up. Once its done I sprinkle a little powdered sugar on it, and sit it in front of her. Along with a bottle of maple and blueberry. She looks at them and I’ll be damned if she doesn't do the same thing Tommy does. She pours some over each piece. These kids today. Tommy walks out as she is doing this.

“Hi Linda. I do the same thing. I think it makes Eric crazy.”
“No you two do what you want. Linda is it possible tomorrow you come a little earlier so we can eat with you?”
“Sure.” She says looking up with syrup on her chin.

“Good. I'm glad that you two have someone to walk to school with each other. I am going to drive you both in today because I have to let the school know hes staying with me now.”
“Cool a ride.” Linda says and takes another bite.

“I'm hoping that Tommy will show me where the office is.”
“Sure.” He says smiling.

Once Linda is done I rinse off her plate, and rinse out her glass of milk I got her.
“You guys ready?”
“Yes sir.” They both say slipping their back packs on.

We head out to my car, and I drive to the school listening to their directions. Because I really had no idea where the hell it was. We pull in. and I find a spot about a block away. We walk down, and Tommy reaches down and grabs Linda's hand. I just smile because its so sweet. We walk up to the school, and I have to explain to the security guard who I am show identification. I am glad they protect the kids like this. But, fuck its a bit much I think. Seems to me the guard sitting on his lazy ass could walk down with me. Too much like work I guess. I finally get in, and Tommy and Linda part ways and he walks me to the office. As we are walking we hear a kid say snidely.
“Tommy's dads in jail again.”
“Shut up you little shit.” I say before I realize I say it.

Kids smile falls from his face. He just walks on. Little fucker. Let him have Tommy's life, and see how great it is. Hell for all I know he does, and that's why hes a dick. I feel kind of bad now. I shouldn't have said that. But, I see Tommy is smiling from it. So I guess it wasn't too bad. Still its a boy. I should have been a little nicer. We walk into the office and its a buzz of busy people. I step up to the desk, and wait until the lady there is off the phone.

“How may I help you sir?” She asks when she hangs up.

“I need to let the school know that I am now Tommy's guardian.”

“Sure I need to see the paperwork.” I hand he a copy of the original.

“Its a copy I figured you would need one so I made it last night.”
“Yes we will and thank you.”
I fill out some forms and a few quick little things she gives me for new “parents”. I thank her and we walk out of the office.

“Want me to walk to your class with you? Or would that be embarrassing?”
“I'm not embarrassed by you. My dad sure. But, not you.”
“Show me the way.”
We walk down the nearly empty halls now and we get to his class. I walk in with him as I want to meet his teacher. A man walks up to me.

‘Yes how may I help you sir?” He says.

“I am Tommy's new guardian and I just wanted to meet you and let you know if you have any problems to please give me a call.”
“Oh certainly I love parents like you. I was telling my husband just the other day it seems like most parents just think of us as babysitters. Its always nice to meet ones who care.”
“Thank you.” I say and he give me his number and I text him so he has mine as well.

“I know Tommy will have a lot of homework tonight since he missed a couple days. I do apologize for that. But, we had to get the paperwork all taken care of.”
“No its fine. Tommy is a bright boy. He also looks really handsome in the new sneakers.” He says smiling at Tommy.

“Thank you sir.” Tommy says smiling.

“You want me to pick up you, and Linda after school?”
“No sir we can walk its not far.”
It really isn't its only about four blocks. When I was a kid I walked a mile each way. I was supposed to ride the bus. But, my mother ruined that for me. So I walked. It sucked in the winter that's for damn sure.

“Let me give you some lunch money.” I say pulling out my money clip. I hand him a twenty.

“I don't pay for lunch.” He says handing it back.

“Not now. I make too much money for that I'm sure.” I say pushing it back at him.

“No sir you don't understand.” his teacher says. “No child in New York city public schools pays for lunch. Its a new policy this year.

“Well, I’ll be danged. That's a fine idea. Makes paying my taxes a little happier knowing kids are eating.”
“Its a really great policy. We learned that some kids weren't eating because they were too ashamed to say they couldn't afford it. It was only $1.75 a day. But, for some of their parents that's a lot.”
“Yes its shame people have to struggle so hard.”
“Yes it is.”
“I better get going.” I say as I hear a bell ring. I see Linda and wave bye to her. She smiles her award winning smile and waves back.

“See you later Eric.” She says.

I smile and rub Tommy's head as I walk out of the room. I walk down the hall, and leave the building. I now have a card to enter, and exit the building if the need arises again. The guards give me a half wave as I leave. I'm not certain these two would do anything if they had too. They looked irritated to do their jobs. I hate that because I know they make a good living, and they don't have to really do shit for it. Just worthless in my opinion. But, who knows maybe they will be heroes one day. I guess I'm a little judgmental today. That, and a little bitter they seemed to like fucking with me. I head back to my car and stop at the store on the way. Need more Sunkist Orange obviously. Better grab some eggs, and more chicken while I'm at it. I go through the store and pick up a few other things as I go through.

Once I get back home I turn on the crock pot, and put in some Arthur Bryant's BBQ sauce I order online. I add three pieces of chicken. I figure it will cook all day, and by dinner time it will just pull apart, and make great sandwiches. I head to my office, and I turn on my email I do a couple quick projects, and decide to go sit on the porch. I grab a coke on the way. I feel antsy. I want Tommy here. I miss him. I'm so fucking pathetic I think. My pocket starts vibrating. I hate that it always startles me. I must have forgot to turn the ringer back on after I left the school.

“Hello?” I say not looking whose calling.

“I'm glad I got you.” The attorney says to me.

“Well, its not like I’m an exceptionally busy man.”
“I wanted to let you know the detective found Tommy's mother.”
“Is it bad?”
“No actually shes attending Columbia University.”
“I'm sorry did you say Columbia. You mean the one here in New York the Ivy League university?”
“Yes that's to one.”
“I'm sorry she was a junkie. How did that happen?”
“Well apparently from what we found out. Tommy's mother graduated the top of her class in high school. Had been accepted previously, and somehow met Dick. It is our understanding that he got her hooked on heroin. Because he figured he could control her that way. She got clean right after she left him, and has been going to school ever since. She is about to graduate as a matter of fact.”
“So what she just says fuck Tommy. Now its all about me while my son is getting beaten, and raped at his fathers will. What kind of horrible bitch is she?”
“She seems to be anything but that. She spends her free time volunteering at a homeless shelter for kids. Teaching them.”
“But what about Tommy?”
“I don't know. Maybe she is afraid to go back. Worried she will go back to him or it. Or god knows what else could be going through her mind. But, it is my understanding that she dearly loves Tommy. My detective says she has pictures of him all over her apartment. Don't ask how he knows this.”
“Don't know. Don't care.”
“I think she would love to have him back.” My lawyer says.

I am at a loss for words. I don't have a clue what to say. What I want to say is FUCK HER HES MINE NOW!!!. But, that doesn't seem right. So I don't say anything.

“Well I will let you think on that for a while.”
“Please don't tell her anything.” I say to him.

“Its not my place unless you advise me to.”
“Thank you.” I say.

“I will wait for you to call and let me know if you want to contact her or not.”
“I will. I have to think about it and I think I have to talk to Tommy about it. It only seems right.”

“Yes I am thinking it would be appropriate.”
“Have a great day.” I say and hang up.

“You too.” I hear as I'm hitting the button to disconnect the call.

What the hell am I going to do now I think. I just got him I don't want to lose him. I think selfish thoughts for a good half an hour. Then I think I was right for certain. I have to leave it up to Tommy what he wants to do. I know what hes going to do before he does. Of course he doesn't have the information yet. But, he will and I have a very good idea how hes going to react. I hope that I’m wrong. Because then I will be alone again. Its been nice having him so far. I know it will only get better. But, hes not really mine now is he? Sure in my heart hes mine. But that's the only place. I kick it around for a good while ,and the kids come strolling up the steps smiling and holding hands.

“I take it you had a good day at school.” I say to them.

“Yep. After you told that kid off he told everyone to leave me alone because his new dad is mean.” Tommy says laughing.

“I agreed I said you were super mean.” Linda says giggling.

“Well they can think I'm mean if it means you two are safe. That's all I care about. Well that and I need to get you two a snack. I was always starving after school.” I say to them.

“Me too.” Linda says.

“Well, there is cake left I say we have some of that.” I suggest.

“Yeah!” Tommy half shouts.

We go into the house and Linda sniffs the air.
“What smells so good?”
“I'm making BBQ chicken for dinner.”
“It sure smells good.”
“We could have that. But, its not ready yet. In a couple hours we will enjoy it. Now its time for cake.”
I get out three plates because hey I like cake too. I get out three glasses, and Tommy gets the milk, and Linda gets forks. We sit at the kitchen table, and enjoy our cake. When we are done I grab the glasses, and plates and rinse them off. I really should have done the breakfast dishes.

“Why don't you two go play for a little while as I know Tommy has lots of homework.”
“We are going to work on it for a while. Linda says not to put things off unless you have to.”
“That's right. I always say that to my Momma when she gets money. Go pay the bill, and shes like I can wait. Well next thing you know she done spent the money, and we ain’t got no lights. So you don't put anything off you don't have to.”
“Good advice. Smart girl for a smart boy.”
They head to the living room, and they use the coffee table for a desk. I take them out a couple of sodas as they do their homework. I always did my homework. But, my mother a lot of the times tore it up to make me look like I'm bad. After a while I would do it at school in the morning before class. It was always easy for me, and I always got to school early. Because who wants to stay in that house. Then I head back in, and do the dishes. I am thinking how should I tell him. When should I tell him. Should I have already told him. I think, and over think things. Always been a problem for me. I guess I just am no good with other people. I'm bad at people skills. I suppose its due to my upbringing. I remember one time I was singing a song. I thought I sounded pretty good. Maybe I did maybe I didn't. My mother said to me. You sing for shit. I haven't really sung since. Sure I will sing along with a song. But, always softly. I am sitting here humming a little tune as I doing the dishes. Once I'm done I go check to make sure the kids are OK. They are still working on their home work. I put a few cookies on a plate and set it between them. I see them reach up without looking and start munching on a cookie. I give them too much sugar I think. But, hell they probably didn't get much snack foods before. It only seems right to spoil them a little. After I do that I head back out to the porch. Because I don't want to disturb them. I'm so proud of both of them doing it right away. I sit, and think about what the future may hold. Me watching Tommy walk down the aisle in his cap, and gown. Me so proud, and then Linda too. I have grown close to her over the past few days. She is so sweet how can a person not. I sit and watch the traffic go by for probably an hour. I check the news on my phone a few times. I look at the clock, and its pushing six. I still haven't heard from them. I go inside, and look into the living room. No kids just clothes. OK that tells me they are playing. Not the way most parents would approve of. But, children are sexual beings too. I don't see a reason to force them to be sexual by themselves if they have a willing partner. Not like Tommy's dad did. He was willing Tommy I think would have rather not. But, if the boy is willing, or girl for that matter. Not just willing. But, wanting too. Then I think its OK. But, tricking them, or forcing them I certainly don't agree with at all. I go into the kitchen, and I stick a fork into the crock pot. The chicken falls apart just as I had wanted it to. I get out the hard rolls I got at the store for the BBQ. I pull out the Potato salad I got earlier as well. I put things in serving dishes, and take it to the table. I set the table, and get drinks for everyone. Since we have Miss Linda visiting I get us glasses. Not sure why its different at dinner seeing as how earlier I gave her the can. But, dinner seems more formal I think. Even if it is BBQ sandwiches. I get everything on the table, and I see two children sit at their seats with smiles on their faces.
“So is the homework done?”
“Yes sir.” They both say in unison.

“Is play time over?”
“Maybe?” Linda says.

Tommy just smiles.

“Well it certainly paused at a good time.” I say smiling.

“I cut open their rolls for them, and I let them put how much chicken they want. I get two sandwiches because I skipped lunch. Not sure why just upset I guess. I get a good dollop of potato salad. Tommy and Linda just have one sandwich, and a bit of potato salad. Linda and Tommy take a bite.

“This is good.” Linda beats him to saying it as hes still chewing.

“Yeah it is. But, its always good food here.” Tommy says.

“Its just chicken, and the best BBQ sauce in the world is all.”
“You make it?” Linda asks.

“Oh no. I don't have a clue how to make it. But, I know how to buy the best there is.”
“I’ll say.” Tommy says as he takes another big bite.

Once its all said, and done with they both want more BBQ. So I know they are little, and I make them one and cut it in half. That seems to be perfect as they both said they were full after that.

“Linda you want to take some home with you. There is a lot left over if you do.”
“I sure would. I may get hungry for it later.”
“I know I will.” Tommy says.

“You guys want some pudding or something for dessert?”
“No I am stuffed.” Tommy says.

“Me too.”
“Why don't you two go in, and sit, and watch some TV or play if you prefer. I will get the dishes done, and make a to go pack for Linda.”
“We’ll help.” Tommy says.

“No buddy you, and Linda go relax. You had school today. That's work to me. So you put in your hours today.”
“But we don't mind.” Linda says.

“But do you want to?”
“Yeah I do. Its only fair helping. You made all the stuff.” Tommy says.

“Yeah you go sit in the living room, and watch TV we will do the dishes.” Linda says to me pushing me towards to living room. I don't think I will win if I try to argue so I don't. I sit down, and hear chairs scooting a crossed the kitchen floor. I'm smiling thinking of what someone would think if the came in, and two naked children are doing the dishes while I'm sitting on my ass. Probably try to put me in prison for something. Sad I would probably go. Yet parents abuse their kids every day, and no one seems to care. Its so terribly sad. I turn on the news. Because, well I'm a junkie with it. I actually look to see what else is on as I have looked at the news a lot today. I find an old episode of the Andy Griffith show. I always liked this show. Its fun its usually pretty simple. I enjoy fun, and simple. A few minutes into it the kids come in and sit on my lap.

“Oh I seen this before. Its funny.” Linda says.

“I have too.” Tommy says not wanting to feel left out. I just wrap my arms around them as they lean back and, my hands are a crossed their little full tummy's. We watch the show until it ends then another episode starts. So we watch that one too. Its starting to get dark, and Linda says she needs to get going.

“Did you make a to go plate for you?”
“No I didn't know what you wanted me to use.”
“You go ahead, and get dressed. I will get it ready for you sweetheart.” I say rubbing her, and Tommy's bellies. So smooth, and soft I think. Like touching silk but better.

Linda hops up, and Tommy slides over onto the couch. I get up, and go make her a to go plate. What I do is put it I a rubber maid bowl and then put two rolls into a plastic baggie. I figure maybe her mom may want some. Or maybe Linda has a sibling I haven't asked about. I should ask about that. I mean if shes hungry I know they are too. I walk out with a paper bag with a handle on it, and hand it to her.

“Linda do you have any brothers or sisters?”
“No sir why?”
“I was just thinking if you did they should come over and eat too.”
“Oh that's nice of you. But, no I don't.”
“OK just wanted to make sure. Now don't forget to get here a little early tomorrow for breakfast.”
“What are you making?”
“I have no idea. Any requests?”
“Anything with sausage. I love me some sausage.”
“I believe we have some.” I say making her smile.

I bend down to kiss her on the cheek. But, she meets me and kisses me on the lips.

“Thank you Eric.”
“For what?”
“For feeding me all the time, and just for being so nice. People ain’t nice. But, you are.”
“Thank you. I'm sure there are a lot of nice people out there.”
“Maybe. But, I ain’t seen them.” She says.

“See you in the morning Punkin.” I say to her.

Tommy walks her to the door, and I go to the living room its not my business.

After a few minutes Tommy comes back in, and sits on my lap. Its now or never I think.

“I have to talk to you about something very important. So I need you to hear me out before you say anything or react OK?”
Tommy spins around, and looks me in the eyes.

“The lawyer found your mom. She is off the dope, and it sounds like she is doing really well buddy. Shes going to Columbia University, and the lawyer says she is super smart. So now we know where you got that from. Now the question is do you want the lawyer to contact her?”

“How long has she been off the drugs?”
“I don't know. It sounds like as soon as she left your dad she got clean and is trying to make a good life.”
“So for like a few years shes been doing good?”
“That's what it sounds like buddy. I know she loves you, and I know if I were her I would want nothing more then to see you.”
I see his face get beat red, and he doesn't say a word. He gets off of my lap and goes to his room, and shuts the door. I think its odd because he never has before. I hear him in there, and he is beating the hell out of something, and hes crying, and screaming. I can feel his pain seeping into my soul. I cant stand him in there alone I know I should leave him alone to gather his thoughts. To come to terms with his feelings. But, I just cant. I cant hear him go through that pain without someone who cares for him to help. I know better. But, I get up, and I go to his room. Under normal circumstances I would knock. But, this isn't normal. Hes using every cuss word he knows. Not saying them but, screaming them. I keep hearing womp womp womp. I open the door, and see him beating the shit out of his pillow. He is violently thrashing at it. Tears are instantly in my eyes as I walk over to him. I bend down, and whack, whack, whack on my jaw. It fucking hurts I tell you. I wrap him up in my arms tight. Hes still hitting me. I don't care. I just starts saying.

“Its alright. It will be OK. I love you its OK." I keep repeating it like its a mantra. After a minute or fifteen hours as it felt he stops thrashing about. He is sobbing now his head on my shoulder. I just hold him tight, and rub his back, and keep telling him its OK, and I love him. I go to my room carrying him. I sit in a rocking chair I bought years ago just because I liked it. I sit in it and start rocking him. Poor little guy has had a shit life so far. I just want nothing but whats best for him. I hope that I will always know what is the best choice for him. I hold him, and rock him a good ten minutes before he calms down. I kiss him on the cheek.

“I love you Tommy.”
“I know you do.” He says sniffing.

We sit another few minutes me just rocking him, and gently rubbing his back. I get up with him, and walk to the bathroom. I get a wash cloth from the cupboard, and put cool water on it with my free hand. I walk us back to the rocker, and sit down. I gently start running the cool cloth over his face. Wiping away the drying tears, and the heat from his face. He is such a good boy. How anyone could ever hurt him is beyond me. Once hes cooled down pretty well I sit the cloth on the table beside us.

“I'm sorry I hit you.”
“You didn't know it was me.”
“No. But, I'm still sorry.”
“Its OK don't worry about it.”
“But, I would never hit you. I'm just like my dad.” He says starting to cry again.

“No you are absolutely not anything like him.” I say and pull his chin up and look in his eyes as I say it. “You my young friend are smart, caring, tender, and an overall wonderful person. Your dad not so much.”
“No not so much.” He says frowning.

“But, that's in the past now. It will still suck. But, we have the future to look to buddy.”
“Yeah.” he says halfheartedly. He puts his head on my chest and thinks for a while. I let him have his time to his thoughts. Its important to let children, well people in general figure out their thoughts. Sometimes it takes a while. Especially when it is so much to process.

“Eric why if she loves me did she go on about her life as if I didn't exist?”

“I don't think that's what shes done.”
“No what do you call leaving your son to be beaten, and raped by his father, and his friends for their own pleasure while you go out and live your own life. Its not like she didn't know what was happening. You heard it too.”
“I did.”
“So if you love someone. Why leave them in a shit hole? I mean sure at first I get it. But, you said shes been off drugs for years so why not come for me? Why not rescue her son? Why not……. Why not…… Why not love me?” He says breaking down again. I hold him close.

“I guess you would have to ask her that question.”
“Fuck her. I never want to see her again. I cant even remember her.”
I rock him for a few minutes.

“What if she thinks the only way to get you back is by getting her degree to fight for you. I mean she was a junkie. Your dad had a job. So maybe she thought she had to be better.”
“Maybe she doesn't care.”
“Maybe she cares more then anything.”
“Maybe she hates me.”
“Maybe she loves you.”
“Maybe….”
“We can play this maybe game all night long and get no where with it.” I say to him. “But, the main question is. Do you want to have the lawyers contact her?”
“No.” He says.

“You can change your mind at any time. I wont be upset if you do.”
“I wont. I hate her.”
“No you don't.”
“I do. I hate her.”
“Tommy we both know that's not true. When you heard her voice you were so excited about it. What you are is scared. You are trying to lock her out so she cant hurt you again.”
“Its my choice you said.”
“OK Tommy I wont argue. It is your choice entirely. If you ever change your mind let me know. I promise I wont be hurt, or mad if you do.”
“You said that already.”
“I meant it and wanted to make sure you knew I mean it.”

“I believe you. So far you never gave me no reason not to.”
“And I hope I never do.” I say hugging him. “I think its nearly bedtime. School tomorrow.”

“Alright.”

“Take a shower tonight buddy.”
“Kay.” he says and slips off my lap. I hear the shower start up, and I hear the sound change when he gets in. I go and straighten up his room while hes in there. He tore it up pretty good. I just want it straight for him. I make up his bed, and fold it down for him. I go grab the Dyson, and do a quick vacuum of his room. Just the main spots not all of it. I put the Dyson back on its charger in the hall. I head out go to the living room. I pick up my book and start reading. A few minutes later I feel Tommy walk into the room. He asks me.

“Can I read for a while?” I glance at the time its still pretty early for bed.

“Just a few chapters.”
“Cool.” He says, and grabs his book. He props his head on my lap and starts reading. Its nice that when I turn a page I can glance at a nude boy body. It doesn't turn me on. But, I do love to view. After he reads four chapters he tells me.

“I read four. You didn't say how many so I better get to bed. I don't want to take advantage.”
“See a good boy, and a smart one too.” I say, and kiss his forehead. “Go pee, and I will meet you in your room.”
He slips off the couch and I hear the flush a moment later. I get up and go to tuck him in.

He is in his bed already. I tuck the covers in around him.

“Eric what would you do?”

“I don't know.”
“But, say you were me. Would you want to see her?”
“I think so yes. If nothing else to hear her out.”
“But. I love you.”
“And I love you too. But, I am hoping you will at least listen to her. Its possible that she wants you more then anything.”
“What if I go and live with her? Wont you be sad?”
“I suppose in a way I would be sad you were gone from my house. Never from my life though. But, in another way I would be happy. I would be happy you are home with your mom that loves you. So it will be happy, and sad. Yes that is my answer happy and sad.” I say.

“I don't know how I feel.”
“There's no rush Tommy. Its a lot to think about. Its a lot to be scared about. Its a lot of wonderful possibilities and memories. You just don't know if they would be good ones, or bad ones. So I think before anything you should hear her story.”

“What if she doesn't want to talk to me?”

“I suppose that's possible. But, I don't think so.”

“I am so confused. I don't know what to do.”
“I know what to do. Close your eyes. Put it out of your head as best you can. Think happy thoughts of you, and Linda playing. I sent a tent start to rise in his blanket.

“OK Maybe not playing. But, being together.”
“Same thing.” He says.

“Whatever silly.” I say I kiss him on the cheek.

“See you in the morning.” I say after I kiss him.

“G’night.”
I turn out the lamp, and head back to read a while longer. I just grab my book, and turn out the lights and head to my room. I get out of my clothes, and into some sleeping pants. I fluff up my pillows really poofy, lean back, and start to read. At some point I doze off. I wake up to Tommy lifting the book off of my chest.

“You OK Tommy?”

“Yeah I just woke up, and I wanted to be close to you.”
“I scrunch down, and lift back the covers, and he climbs in with me. I turn out the lamp and wrap my arm around him. He has his back to my chest. I fell asleep very quickly after that. I slept so wonderfully. Having a boy to hold while sleeping just makes sleep so much more enjoyable.

I woke the next morning just before the alarm went off. I went to go pee, and I hear my phone going off. Once I’m done its still going off. I’m thinking that boy can sleep. I walk back into the bedroom to wake him up ,and he is sitting up in bed frantically pushing the screen on my phone.

“You do the numbers lowest to highest.” I say.

He does that and the phone silences itself.

“Sorry.”
“About what?”
“Not being able to figure out how to turn it off.”
“Its no big deal. Probably irritated the crap out of you not getting it to shut up.”
He smirks at this.

I head to the kitchen and start some coffee and look at our breakfast choices. I thought lets go country today. I turn on the oven and once its preheated I pop in some canned biscuits. I fry up some sausage as they are baking. I hear the front door, and rush to go get it being paranoid about leaving the sausage cooking with me not there.

“Good morning punkin. Come on in. I got sausage on the stove top.” I say, and rush off back to the kitchen. She follows me in, and puts her back pack on the floor next to where she has taken to sitting. I pull out the sausage, and grab the milk, and flour. I make gravy for the biscuits. Of course as I'm stirring the biscuits timer goes off. I pull them out, and sit them on the counter top. I finish the gravy, and put it off the heat. I pour three glasses of orange juice. I put one in front of Linda.

“Thank you.”
“Your very welcome.” I say and turn around and grab three plates and she hops up and grabs forks and napkins for us. I put a couple biscuits on each plate, and pour gravy over them. Just as I'm doing this Tommy walks out. I put a piece of sausage on everyone's plate.

“I never had this before. But, it smells good.” Tommy says.

After living in Texas so long I cant believe someone hasn't had biscuits, and gravy. But, I am shocked there are people that have never had a Big Mac too. I'm easily shocked I guess. The kids eat in silence, and I am not feeling very chatty this morning either. I kept dreaming that Tommy left me. I was sad in my dreams. But, I see him leaving with his mother, and hes happy. Which is the goal right. Make Tommy a happy boy, or Eric a happy man. Well, duh that's an obvious choice. Make Tommy a happy boy. Once we get done I clear the table and they head to school. Both giving me a hug and kiss. I kind of like this being a dad thing. I don't understand why anyone would not love this. I go, and do the dishes up, and head to the porch. I sit, and watch traffic and people. Around noon time I get up, and head in. I get dressed finally, and head to my office. I look in my emails, and I have an easy job. I do it in about an hours time. Its for a person I know from Texas. I wouldn't say hes a friend. But, we know each other. I send him an invoice for just a hundred dollars. I know hes having a hard time right now with his business, and I'm not trying to take advantage. I mean in actuality I usually charge around $400 for what I just did. I look through some things on the internet, and get an email back from him thanking me for just charging him a little bit. He also says he has his secretary making me a check today. So that's cool I think I will have it in a few days. Most people just do electronic transfers for me. But, hes kind of an older guy so its what hes comfortable with. I'm OK. with checks. I just like to get paid. Because you know the light company likes to be paid too. I think about having a sandwich and decide against it. I just grab a pop tart. I head back to the front porch and eat my pop tart, and just sit, and wait. I feel so alone, so bored. So useless. Is this what people talk about empty nest syndrome. I know that's after they move out. But, school days are too long I finally decide. I go get a Coke, and sit back down. I take a sip, and I can feel my eyes getting heavy, and there is just no fighting it. I doze off on the front porch. I wake up to.

“Should we wake him up?”
“I don't know. Don't want to make him mad.”
“He ain’t never going to be mad at you.”
“Yeah well I don't want to take that chance. I'm letting him sleep.”
“Why don't we just go do our homework, and maybe he will wake up while we are.” Linda says.

“Yeah. I kind of wanted a sandwich though.”
“We can make a sandwich.”
“Yeah. But, I got to ask.” He says.

I open my eyes.

“No you don't. You eat whatever you want. I can get more. You want me to make it?” I say, and yawn.

“No we can. But, thank you.” Linda says.

“You need anything Tommy?”
“No sir.” He says. I watch as they walk into the house. I hear the thunk thunk as they drop their back packs. I swear when I was a kid we didn't have a lot of homework in grade school. I guess we had less to learn that many years ago. I take a sip of my Coke its warm now. I don't care its wet. I hear them in the kitchen. I want to let them do it. I mean they are old enough to make a sandwich. I hear a crash in the kitchen. I race in I move so quick it wouldn't surprise me to see fire in my tracks like on a cartoon. I see pieces of glass all over the floor. Linda looking at it and Tommy is in the corner in a ball crying, half leaning against the wall.. I rush over to him.

“Let me see.” I say and touch his arm.

“No don't hit me. I'm sorry I didn't mean it. He rolls into a ball, and is completely on the floor. I pick him up and take him to the couch.

“Linda I will clean that up in a while honey. Why don't you get your home work and sit at the dining room table. Once Tommy is fine he will join you.”
“He got beat a lot didn't he?” She says knowing.

“Yeah. Get your sandwich too.” I say as she was forgetting it.

I see her and she grabs both of them, and walks carefully through the glass. I have Tommy in a ball in my arms, and hes crying. I sit on the couch, and just hold him, and rock him back, and forth much like you would a little baby. After about ten minutes his learned response has shut down, and hes no longer crying. I can feel the tension leave his body. Its like a switch went off. We sit another few minutes.

“Linda called me stupid.” He says breaking the silence.

“That doesn't sound like her. What did you do?”

“I was talking to her about my mom.”
I don't say anything. I don't know what to say to be honest.

“She says that if there is someone out there that loves me, and I refuse that love I'm stupid. No she said I’m an idiot.”
“So you want to see if your mom wants to meet with you?”
“I still don't know. I mean what if...”
“We can what if all day long. But, that will never provide any answers.”
“I don't know. I know I like it here. I know I feel safe here. I know that I'm always going to eat here. I just worry I will give up something, and someone great for someone that's maybe not.”
“I'm not saying if you meet her you have no choice but, to move. You have the power Tommy. If you want to live here, and she tries to force you. We have proof she had at least witnessed abuse of you and left you in that situation. So if you don't want to go you don't have to. But, if you want to go then that's OK too.”
“Wont you be sad?”
“We discussed this already.” I say. “Now go get your homework done. Linda is waiting on you.”
He gets up, and I go and clean the glass up as they are doing their homework. I look in the fridge, and just am not feeling anything in there tonight. I get on my phone, and order a pizza to be delivered in an hour. I actually got two because I’m weird and don't like much on pizza. I am just thrilled to have cheese. I cant eat pepperoni because it gives me massive heart burn. So I have tried over the years to convince myself I just don't like it. I love it. But, I am starting to believe my lie. So I got one cheese, and one with sausage, and pepperoni. I figure the kids will like it. Once I’m done with that I take in a couple of cookies for them on a plate, and sit it between them. I kind of look over their shoulders to see what they are working on. Linda's handwriting is amazing. Tommy's well not so much. His looks like mine. Give a chicken a pen well that's what you would get. My handwriting is so bad sometimes I look at it, and think. What does that say. Now that's bad. Its kind of OK when I take my time. But, well who has time to write things down. I go to the living room and turn on the news. It just feels like a boring ass night to me. All days been humdrum. Maybe the pizza will make it better. I watch the news for a while, and hear a car pull into the drive way. I get up, and go meet him on the porch. I paid already on my card. But, I never tip that way. Always cash because I used to be a server, and I know cash tips are not always. But, usually tax free tips. Shh don't tell anyone servers do that. Its a secret no one at the IRS is keen to yet.

I grab the two boxes from him, and slip him some cash. He is thankful, and he is back in his car and off like a flash. I carry the pizzas in and sit them on the table. Both of their eyes get big as those Japanese cartoons.

“I felt like pizza. Hope you guys don't mind.”
“Did you get pepperoni I love me some pepperoni.” Linda says.

“As a matter of fact I did.” I say.

“Cool.” Tommy says. I go, and get us some plates. The kids grab napkins, and sodas for us. I have then grab me an orange Sunkist too. Sounds like a nice change with the pizza. I open them, and each of them grabs a slice of the pizza with meat.

I grab a cheese. Pizza is so big here I think it is bigger then the plate. I fold it over, and take a bite. My taste buds explode, and the flavors hitting them. I think simply YUM. We all eat until we are stuffed. That leaves well a lot of damn pizza. I have no doubt that any will go to waste. I will have to send some home for Linda when she goes home. I always put a bit extra in case her mom is hungry when I do that though. We get up, and carry our plates into the sink.

“Why didn't we use paper plates?” Linda asks.

“Because we like Greta.” Tommy says.

I just burst out laughing when he says it. Which makes him laugh. Linda laughs because we are. Because laughing is infectious. Like smiling. Walk down the street and give someone a genuine smile. I bet you get one back. We get in our pattern of washing. Not really anything just three plates, and their plates, and glasses from their snack, and the plate from the cookies. My coffee cup. Now wait a damn minute here. I use a lot of dishes. I'm thinking as I am doing these. How much time in my life will I stand and wash dishes. I start to run the numbers in my head. OK if I stand here five minutes three times a day. OK sometimes no dishes from lunch so we will make it just twice a day to simplify it then we take ten minutes times 7 so an hour and ten minutes a weak times 52. OK times the average life expectancy less the first 17 years of my life. Then I did live in dorms for two years so less . Why am I doing this I think, and stop. I do that all the time just run numbers in my head. I guess that's how I am a good poker player. I don't really play. Its fun I run the statistics in my head of the odds of scenarios, and if it is in my favor I bet heavier. If its in their favor I tend to not bet. I do pretty well when I play. I go out to the living room and they head to Tommy's room to play. I'm like yepper. I would love to be a fly on the wall and watch. But, he deserves privacy too. I watch more news, and the kids come out clothed. I'm thinking this is different. They both climb up and I find a silly kids show. I like it its funny. I used to love the Zach and Cody shows. I thought they were so stupid they were funny. That and you know. Cute stories, cute boys its a hit for me. But, this one is at a camp. Its funny. After a couple episodes its getting dark. Linda announces she needs to get home. I put pizza in a box for her, and offer to give her a ride home. She declines I guess she is only a block and a half away in one of the apartment houses. Some are nice. Some not so much. Depends on landlords I guess. Tommy walks her to the door as is becoming our normal. When he gets back he sits on my lap again.

“So we talked, and we decided that its in my best interest to at least see if she wants to meet with me, and then go from there.” He says sounding very grown up.

“I am guessing you conferred with Miss Linda on the matter at hand.” I can sound grown up too.
“Yes.”

“I will call the lawyer tomorrow, and see what he can do.”
“Are you mad?”
“No Tommy I'm certainly not mad. I am happy to be honest with you. I'm even a little jealous.”
“Jealous why would you be jealous?”
“Because if this works out well, you will have a happy loving mom and I am jealous because I never had that. I kind of wish we could trade places.” I say tickling him. He rolls up in a ball as the laughter escapes him. I stop after a minute or so.

“You know what I said made me think of a movie. I don't remember when it came out but, its called Vice Versa. I watched it when I was about your age. Want to watch it?”
“Sure.” He says smiling.

I smile back. But, in reality I am dying inside. I mean yes I want him happy. I hope with all of my heart that his mother is a kind, and loving woman that loves him forever. But, then as everyone I'm selfish in my thoughts. Not in my actions usually. But, sometimes in my thoughts. I suppose its only natural to feel a bit sad about it. I mean my entire adult life I have lived alone. I don't have many close friends. OK I don't have any close friends. Then I have someone come into my life that needs loved, and I need to love someone. Then it may be gone. Its hard to be happy about it when I think like that. But, then I think of Tommy running and playing and being happy his mom tucking him in at night. Them sharing little secrets. Things I hear that normal mothers do.

So we watch the movie, and he loves it as I did as I was a child. I watched, and still found it pretty funny. But, I have simple tastes. Again cute story cute boy I’m sold. Had a ton of cute boy movies in the nineties. Now well not sure what happened. After we watch I tuck him into bed as its getting late. I head to bed too. I was a little embarrassed I fell asleep on the porch. What am I 90? I get all snuggled in, and sleep through the night. I wake up in the morning, and take care of the usual needs. I decide to shave and do so. I head out to the kitchen, and decide Just eggs, and bacon for the kids this morning. Be a good day to toast the raisin bread I got I think. I hear my alarm go off, and I start to go shut it off when I hear it end and then I hear little feet pattering to the restroom. I go ahead, and start frying up the bacon. He walks in, and sniffs the air like a dog would do. He smiles, and heads back into his room to get ready. I get done with the bacon, and I hear the front door being tapped on. I go and answer it and I say.

“And so gently you came rapping tapping at my chamber door.” I thought I was being cute until she says.

“That I scarce was sure I had heard you” Here I opened wide the door._____Darkness there and nothing more.”
“Wow I didn't figure you knew that one at all.”
“I like poetry. That is a creepy one though.”
“Well, Edgar Allen Poe was a creepy guy I think.”
She slips out of her back pack it thunking as it hit the floor.

“I smell bacon.” Linda says.
“Yes I made it for you guys this morning.”
“Yeah Tommy says that's the only weird thing about you is you don't like bacon.”
“Guilty.” I say holding up my hands. “How do you want your eggs this morning.”
“I like them runny. But not real runny. I like to put my toast in it.”
“Me too. Do you like a little of the yellow cooked?”
“Yes.”
“OK then over medium for you.”
“Kay.” She says, and sits in her regular breakfast chair. I crack her eggs into the skillet, and drop her toast in the toaster. I flip the eggs, and the toast pops up. I butter it, and sit it on her plate. Shes not only a smart girl but helpful to. She has gotten the silverware and napkins out. Now she is pouring orange juice for all of us. I tell you for a boy Tommy takes forever to get ready. I just throw something on, and you get what it is. But, I do notice his hair is neatly combed every morning. So I am certainly not going to chide him about taking care of his appearance. I start Tommy's eggs as he comes out grinning.
“Morning Linda.” He says, and walks over, and kisses her cheek.

She giggles at him. But, she does pull him into a hug. I like those two together. Both smart and good kids. She let shim go and kisses his cheek as he pulls away.

“How do you like your eggs?” I ask him.

“Sunny.”
“Gotcha.”

So I just make them sunny side up. I put his toast with it as well. I have already sat the bacon on the table. He has already helped himself to a few pieces. Not an issue its why I put it there. I sit his plate down, and he digs in. I make mine, and sit down as they are finishing.

“I liked the toast a lot.” Linda says.

“I'm glad you liked it. I like raisin bread toasted once in a while. I bet sunbeam wishes I ate it more though.”
“Yeah it was all good.” Tommy says.

“I'm glad you liked it. Now get your butts in gear, and get to school and learn something. So when you are rich, and famous you can buy me a present.”
“Ill get you anything you want.” Linda says.

“Me too.”
“That's nice I can have two anythings I want.”

“I think I’ll have a coke and a cookie.”
Linda rolls her eyes at me.

“Silly.” Tommy says.

“Get to school.” I say in a funny mean voice.

“See you later Eric.” Linda says.

I smile at her as she pulls the door closed. I go, and clean up the breakfast dishes. I cant stand a mess. I think part of it is because I used to get beaten for messes. So I clean them instantly. I guess that's one positive thing about my childhood. I'm certainly not a slob.

Once I get that done. I go and check my emails. No work today. Yay! I fiddle around until around 9:30 when I know the lawyer will be in his office. I really don't want to make this call. But, I must. I simply must. I tell the attorney to have someone talk to her explain the situation, and see if she wants to meet with Tommy or not. The lawyer takes it all down and we end the call. I head outside and decide the lawn needs mowed. OK it really doesn't that much. I just want to mow it to have something to keep me occupied. I get done with that and sweep off the drive. I would get out the blower. But I don't have blower. I don't think Greta would approve. So I use a push broom. I get that done and head inside. I'm kind of gross so I take a quick shower. I look, and its noon thirty. HM no wonder I’m a bit hungry. I go and make myself a turkey sandwich and some chips. Grab a coke and head to the porch. I sit down and watch traffic and enjoy my lunch. I like my house I think. Its nearly perfect. Only thing it needs is a pool. But, I'm not dealing with that mess. I had a pool once. I loved it but, its a lot of work. Maybe that's what I will ask the kids for a pool boy. I smile at the thought as I take the last bite of my sandwich. I sit the plate on the table next to me. As I do my phone rings. I jump. I swear I will never get used to that. I look and its the attorney. I don't want to answer.

“Hello?”
He introduces himself and says.

“Tommy's mother is beyond thrilled. She is very excited at the prospect of seeing him. She wants to know when, and where, and if he needs anything.”
“I don't know. I don't know, and no.”
“Excuse me.?”
“You asked questions I answered when I don't know. where I don't know, and no he doesn't need anything.”
“Alright. I will let her know I will call her when I find out the information for her.”
“Thank you. I have to talk to Tommy about it and see what he wants to do. It is all for him. I don't want to make a move he doesn't want me to. I hope you understand.”
“I certainly do and think even more highly of you then I did before.”
“Whatever. Are you charging me yet?”
“No.”

“Then I got some other questions for you.”
“Go ahead.”
“No I was just fucking with you.”

He laughs at this, and we end the call.

I go in and I want to see something. I go to my office and I pull up the video that Tommy had me listen to. I cant really watch it because its not a happy time for Tommy. If he looked like he was remotely enjoying it I would like it. But, not at all. I hear her again begging. I listen to it a few times. Yes I think this is the right choice I decide. I truly believe from what I heard she does love him. I can also understand her fear of trying to take him with her. At the time her being a junkie and probably going straight to rehab from the way it sounds. Whats she going to do with him there. They would put him in foster care and who knows if it would be better or worse for him there. Its a crap shoot really. I turn off the video, and I sit in my chair. I just think and then I pull up the game I'm working on. I start a completely new section. Its poetry. Linda made me think it might be nice. I google poems I can use that aren't copyrighted. I don't want to infringe on that. Not just because it costs. I do believe a writer earns his pay, and its only right they get it. But, Edgar Allen Poe has been dead a long time. So I design in about ten poems. I add some graphics and make an old professor with a beard reading them. I change his outfit and the setting for the poem so they match. Its really a hell of a lot of fun setting up things like this. I got to thinking when I finished that part that I like jokes, and kids love to tell jokes too. So I decided that as a reward the game will tell them a joke. I program in a list of jokes that are told at random. I think about it and a hundred jokes isn't enough. If the child plays often he will know all of them in a few weeks. Then its just stupid. I find a website with thousands of jokes. I copy them. Hey its legal. I highlight them, and search to make sure there are no inappropriate words in them. Seems safe so far. I will have to go through, and read a majority of them to make sure no racial or off color jokes. I certainly would never intentionally insult or hurt anyone's feelings.

That would never be my goal. So I find different voices to read the jokes. A few male and a few female. Both children, and adult voices. I listen to a few of each. I decide the boy should be British and give him an accent. I make up a character for him to tell the jokes. Then I make the girl Latina and give her an accent. The man I make African American. The woman I make Asian with no accent. I don't want anyone to think I meant anything mean. So I listen, and watch the graphics. I hear joke after joke, and it mixes up who tells the joke so you never know. It may be the first person twice or it may be the man, and the boy or any combination really. I'm listening and laughing when I glimpse Linda and Tommy out of the corner of my eye.

“That's a funny joke.” Tommy says.

“Cool. I made some changes to the game. You two want to look at it for a while before homework?”
“No we have to do homework first.” Linda says.

“Yeah shes right.” Tommy says stopping in his tracks because he was sure headed in my direction.

“But, as soon as we are done we are so looking at it.” Linda says.

“Definitely.”
“Come get me if I'm not still here I want to see what you two think about it as its happening. That way I can change anything you may not like.”

“Cool.” Tommy says.

They take off to do their homework. I feel a little guilty as I haven't gotten them something for after school to eat. I put my thoughts on pause and go check on them. They are in the living room and sitting at the coffee table. I go and get them some cookies to hold them over until supper, and grab them some milk. I carry it in on a try and sit the tray down on the coffee table. Both without really looking snatch a cookie, and start munching on it. I smile at them. They are so much alike and its nice that they found each other. I like that Linda helps Tommy keep focused. Shes definitely a better influence then me. I mean sure I want him to get his homework done too. But, shes a task master, and not in a bad way. I put the items on the table, and put the tray back into the kitchen in its proper place. I head back to my office and start listening to some music. Not sure But, I am wanting to listen to some mean music. That's what I call heavy metal. It just sounds mean. And I think its the fast part I really want because I notice I key to the beat. Odd but, true. I put on some White Zombie. Welcome to Earth is what I start with, and I'm rocking out. I am looking at items I want to change, and work it in quickly. I decide I want to change the boy and girl. I make them both look like Tommy, and Linda. I think they will get a kick out of that. I have a program that can turn a picture into a character. I think I will do that. I grab my camera and walk out to the living room, and they don't even notice me.

“Hey guys look up.” I say and they do. Snap snap snap snap snap Several pictures right in a row. Smiling not smiling just what I wanted.

“Thank you.” I say and scurry off to my office.

“Your welcome.” I hear from behind me.

I put the pictures in, and it is pretty cool as the faces become theirs. I listen to Tommy tell a joke with his face and a British accent it is kind of amusing. I listen to Linda tell me a joke with a Spanish accent. I laugh so hard at her mouth moving and sound Latina. I switch the accents so they are American sounding. I have another program that I have them read off a list of words, and I can use their voices too. I think they will get a kick out of it anyway. If they don't I can change it back no biggie. I work on it another half an hour and I think its pretty good. I turn it off, and I head to the kitchen as its now time to start cooking dinner. I grab some chicken breasts from the fridge and I put them in a pan. I coat them with olive oil and sprinkle pepper over them. I get out some lemon juice, and sprinkle it over them. I put them in the oven to bake. I peel some potatoes, and put them on the stove in a pot waiting to boil when I give it the que by turning on the gas. I find a can of carrots, and think that's nice, and open them, and put them in a bowl, and pop it in the microwave. I forgot to set the timer and I think how long has it been. I decide five minutes. I set the timer to go off when its time to turn on the potatoes. I grab a Coke and head to the porch. I don't want to go back to the office and I don't want to bother the kids. I suppose if I wanted to watch TV I could have gone to my room. But I don't want that. I decide watching cars is better. No commercials. I sit there until the timer goes off and I head back in and start the potatoes. Once I get those on I sit at the kitchen table and think about all that's happened and has happened so fast. I have Tommy now I will probably lose him too. I don't have any desire for that but, it is possibly for the best. I suppose we will see. Ultimately the decision lies with Tommy. The potatoes are ready to be mashed so I do that and turn on the carrots. I pull out the chicken and I put everything on serving dishes and carry them to the table. I grab the plates and everything else we need including drinks. I go and tell the kids its ready. They join me and we have a nice dinner. When we get done I get the dishes all ready to wash and my two helpers are next to me. We do the dishes and Linda says I cook better then anyone she knows. I tell her she is young and doesn't know many people yet. The night goes on as is becoming normal Linda leaves and Tommy walks her out. He comes back, and sits on the couch next to me. He grabs his book, and is reading and laughing at it every so often. I just read my book, and am not really reading. I have been on the same page for half an hour. My mind is wandering everywhere. I wish in a way we never told the lawyer about his mother. But, it really was the right thing to do. I see from the corner of my eye that Tommy finishes his book. He looks up at me.

“That book was funny. I liked it a lot.”
“I liked it when I was your age too. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I have the next book in the set would you like to read it as well?”
“Yeah.” He says kind of excited. He lifts his head off of my lap and I get up and he follows. Its in my office so we go in there and I locate it quickly.

“Here you go buddy.” I say as I hand it to him.

“Thanks.”
We head back to the living room, and I retake my seat on the couch and he turns on the TV.

“I want to read it. Just not right now.” He says to me.

“Buddy you do what makes you happy.” I say and run my fingers through his hair. He finds an old Star Trek episode. Now I am not really a fan of the show but, I have seen this episode and I like it. The Trouble with Tribbles is the name of the episode. I sit and watch with him and I see he is starting to nod off. When the show ends he is out. I carefully pick him up and carry him to his room. I undress him down to his underwear and I admire his lovely body. I look at him and think. He has just as lovely a mind as his body. I reach down and fondle his package. I know I shouldn't because hes asleep but, I just cant help myself. It grows to its full length as I touch it. I slide his underwear down to inspect it. I admire it and put it back into its home. I turn out the light and head to my room. I'm feeling pretty guilty and ashamed for feeling him up while hes asleep. I mean I know if he was awake he would have been OK. with it. But, he couldn't consent in his sleep. My cock is aching though its so hard. I get undressed and climb into bed. I decide against sleeping pants tonight as I want to have a really good and long wank. I slip between the nice cool sheets and I start to slowly rub my hard cock. I'm taking my time to savor the intense feelings of self loving. I start to think about Tommy and how I really wanted to swallow his hard cock as he laid there sleeping. Hes such a lovely boy. I stroke as I think of his hard cock in my mouth and I am rubbing myself at a pretty good pace now. As I am going I hear Tommy walk into my room and I stop with the wanking. He climbs in to bed with me and snuggles up against me.

“Why did you stop?” He asks me.

“Because you are still pretty much asleep and I want you to go back to sleep for school tomorrow.”
“Oh.” He says as I feel his hand slide down my belly and take my cock into his hand.
“Were you thinking about me?” He says and I can feel his smile against my chest.

“Yes I was.” I'm not going to lie to him.

“What were you thinking about? Were you thinking about my butt?”
“No actually I was thinking about sucking you.”
I feel him smile again.

“I like that.”
“I know you do. I like to watch your body tighten and twitch as the feelings take control of you.”
“I like the way my body starts to automatically pump when I get really close. I cant stop it. But, it feels so good.” He says as he starts sliding his hand up and down my cock. I let out a moan as it feels so good.

“I think you should go to sleep instead of this.” I say.

“I can take a nap after school if I'm tired.” He says.

“I don't think Linda would like that. She will expect you to work on your homework. Besides I don't think you really like doing it. I think you are just used to doing it and I want you to do what you like.”
“I like making you happy.” He says and slide his head down and slips his mouth over my hard penis.

“OOOOOHHH.” Is all I can say.

He starts to slowly slide his mouth up and down on my shaft. When he comes up he swirls his tongue around the head. It feels amazing. He lifts his mouth off and says to me.

“I want to try something.” he spins his body around and is straddling me now. I lift my head to kiss him on the lips. He returns my kiss and his fiddling with my cock. I feel it touch the edge of his pucker and he starts to push.

“No.” I say.

“You don't want to do this?” He asks.

“No I want to I just don't think you do. I think you like girls not pervy old men.”
“I want to try it with you though. I want to see what it feels like with someone that loves me. I think it can feel really good. I had feelings of it being good a few times. But no one cared how I felt.”
“I know that's why I don't want to do it.” As I say this he pushes his star down again and my head pops in. I have never in my life felt something so good. I feel his tight hole gripping around my cock and his warmth engulfing the head of my cock. I couldn't say no now if I wanted to. Because I'm not sure I can breath anymore. He slowly slides his body down and I watch as he does. I simply cant do this in the dark seeing the shadows of things. I want a good visual memory of this. Because I don't know if it will every happen again. I reach up and flip on the light. I see his cock is bouncing as he sits his ass on my pubic bone. I reach up and gently take his cock into my hand and slowly start to stroke him.

“Does it feel good?” He asks panting.

“Yes.” I manage to say. He starts to bounce up and down on me slowly. I cant believe how amazing his tight little boy butt feels. I mean I know he has had cocks in there before. But it sure as hell feels like its so tight its strangling my cock. But, definitely in a good way. He is bouncing up and down on me and his eyes are closed and I am still stroking his cock. I can feel his ass tighten around my cock and I also feel his cock starting to bounce. He starts riding super fast as he is hitting a climax. He is panting and he has to stop as his feelings are too powerful for him to keep moving. I keep stroking his cock and I feel his ass squeezing my cock with each pulse. This is now the most amazing feeling I have ever had. Once he is done with his drygasm he leans forward on my chest. I start to gently push in and out of him. He is just panting trying to catch his breath as I pump into him. I wrap my arms around him and start to rub his back and butt. I feel where my cock is slipping in and out of him. He is smiling and I feel him start pushing back into me. He lifts up a bit and starts rocking back and forth on his knees. I put my hands on his hips and guide the speed. We are going at a nice slower pace when I start to feel my balls pull up against me and I am so close. I don't want it to end though. I push up into him so he cant slide it in and out. I hold him there a moment. I slide one of his legs out straight and turn on my side. He has one leg over my hip and the other straight down my body. I start to pump into him on our sides. I wish he was a little taller so I could kiss him as I make love to him. I pump into him for a few minutes like this and am getting so close again. I think in my head it cant end. It just cant. So I stop before I cum. I pull out of him and he moans his disappointment.
“I'm not done yet Tommy.” I say panting.

“Good.” I hear from him. I roll him on his back and I lift up his legs. He grabs his knees and spreads his legs out wide. I look down and see his lovely anus calling for me to fill it back up. I watch this time as I put my cock against his hole. It opens up and I slide in the head. I watch as I slide it all the way in. I start pumping into him watching the entire time as my cock slips in and out of him. I see his cock is hard still I think or possibly again. I start to stroke him in time with my cock slipping in and out of his beautiful ass. He starts moaning again and I can see his balls pulling up against him. I know he is close and I am getting so close because it would be so amazing to cum with him I'm thinking. I'm so close because of thinking of this that when I feel his ass twitch the first time around my cock that's all she wrote. I start pumping into him faster as I start to spew my seed. I feel his cock twitching in my hand and his ass gripping my cock as he cums right a long with me. I am power driving into him at this point because that is what my body says will feel best. I shoot eight shots of cum up into his tight little ass. On the final blast I shove all the way into him and feel as his ass pulses once more. I look down at him his hair wet from sweating. His eyes are closed and he is panting hard as I am. After a moment he opens his eyes and looks into mine.

“I knew it would feel good with you.” He says smiling.

“I never knew anything could feel so good. I dreamed of it for years but, never had the chance to make love to a beautiful boy before. Thank you.” I say and bend down to kiss him. My cock still hard and in him.

“Anytime.” He says after I kiss him. “I mean that really. Anytime. It felt so good.” he says.

I start to slide my cock back and forth to see if its going to go down or not. Apparently its not and it likes where it is very much. I start to pump into him some. Slowly at first not intending to start again but, to feel the pleasure a bit longer. After about a minute its obvious that this is going to lead into round two. This time is more animistic and we are both trying to get ours again. I am pumping into him and he whispers.

“Fuck me hard Eric. Fuck me really hard.”
I am certainly not one to deny the request of a boy and this one is truly a dream come true. I start really pounding into him. I am laying on him kind of. His legs over my shoulders as I pound into his tight little hole.

“Yeah just like that.” He says and is pushing up against me. His hands on my hips trying to make me go faster. I am apparently hitting his prostate just right because he groans on every inward thrust. It takes a little while seeing as how its my second go round. All in all it takes me a good twenty minutes of pounding to reach my climax again. He however had three as I was pounding his tight little ass. Once I fill him further with my man juice I collapse careful not to crush him. I wrap my arms around him and roll us over onto my back us chest to chest my cock still in his lovely anus. It is sadly starting to deflate this time. If it was willing to go another round I know I was. That's how we doze off. Him on top of me. My cock did slip out of him and I could feel the man jiz dripping onto me as we were starting to doze off. I wake up the next morning with him still on my chest and my cock raging from morning wood that is laying between his lovely soft cheeks. I reach down and rub it against him for a minute and then decide I am liking this. But, my bladder is screaming for release. Sadly it wins and I slip out of bed. I go and pee and shave. A moment after I start shaving he walks into the restroom smiling at me.

“I liked last night.” He says as he starts peeing through is morning wood.

“Me too.” I say and smile. He watches as I shave. I'm not sure why but, kids just like to watch men shave. Once I’m done I rinse of my face and put on a bit of aftershave lotion. I put the remainder on my hands on his cheeks.

“Cool I will smell like you all day.” He says smiling as he walks out. I head to the kitchen and start some breakfast for the kids. I know Linda will be here shortly and I need to get it ready so they aren't late to school. I decide to make some eggs, and sausage with biscuits. So I turn on the oven to preheat it. I get out a can of biscuits and put them on a tray and pop them in when its ready. I start the sausage and its frying up nicely. I hear a knock on the door. I take out the last sausage and put it on a plate with paper towels on it to absorb some of the grease. I slide the pan off the burner and go answer the door.

“Good morning my lovely.” I say as I open the door. She walks in and drops her back pack with a thunk.

“Good morning Eric.” She says to me not lifting her eyes up to me. I look down and realize I’m still naked.

“Oh I'm so sorry.” I say to her.

“Its OK I was kind of curious what you had down there anyway. She says and touches my cock.

“It isn't much.” I say and head back to the kitchen. I am thinking I should put on some sleeping pants but, the pan is hot and I don't want to start a fire either. So I just say screw it and make the eggs up. Once they are done and I slip them onto a plate for each of us I take the biscuits out and lather butter over the top of them. I put them on a plate and sit them on the table. Finally Tommy the slow poke comes strolling out looking exceptional as usual. He walks over and kisses Linda in the cheek.

“You smell good. Like Eric does.” She says as he does.

“Yeah I like the way he smells.”

I sit down after everything is done. Linda being the good girl she is has already gotten us all some juice and cutlery. I sit down and I decide to put a sausage and egg on a biscuit and have it like a sandwich. Both of them watch and follow suit. We all have two and that's the end of that.

“You guys still hungry?”
“No sir I'm good.” Linda says smiling.

“Me too.”
“They get their school things together and head of to school me giving them both a hug and kiss before they leave. Both of them fondling my junk before they leave. I head back in and slide on some sleeping pants and a t shirt. and go do the dirty dishes up. Once I'm done I grab some coffee and go sit on the porch. Around nine thirty I call the lawyer. We set up a tentative meeting for them on Sunday. I suppose it depends on her schedule. If it was me and Tommy was really my son nothing could stop me from getting him back. I feel like she loves him so I am nearly positive the meeting will take place. I set it up so we meet at Central park. That way its a neutral territory and Tommy will feel safe. Once I am done chatting up the lawyer using up my free time with him. I head into the house. I sit on the couch and turn on some stupid TV show. I'm thinking about last night and the love making session we had. My cock grows hard thinking about it. So I do what most men would do that have a whole day of nothing to do. I pull it out and have a jerk session thinking about him and his lovely hole and how he shared it with me. What a beautiful gift truly. I cum and cum hard. Not as hard as last night. But, pretty close. I clean myself up and start watching episodes of Gilligan's island. Some days I feel like Gilligan. No matter how hard I try I’m just a fuck up. I suppose I feel that way due to my child hood. I hope Tommy doesn't feel like that. I hope that we got him away soon enough so that he can build up his confidence and be a strong man. Not just physically but mentally too. After about the third episode of Gilligan fucking everything up the phone rings and the lawyer says its on for Sunday. I thank him for everything hes done and head to the office. I start working on the game and I like the way its turning out in this section. I tweak a few things and say fuck it and send it off to a lady I know that has a small company that creates educational games. In the email I tell her it still needs a bit of work but, ask her if she is interested in it.

I go make myself a sandwich and chips for lunch and wait for the kids to get home from school. Even though Linda doesn't live with us I am still growing very fond of her and look forward to seeing her. Shes a sweet heart that's for sure. I don't think Tommy could find a better girl friend in the whole world. They truly seem to be perfect for each other. She is for sure a triple threat. She is pretty, smart and most importantly caring. The boy didn't stand a chance. Hell neither did I. I know he loves her already and I possibly do and if I don't I certainly will soon. I have my sandwich and I decide to run to the store. OK drive. I'm not against running places. I just don't. I pick up a few things for dinner and head back to the house. I take my purchases to the kitchen and unpackage them. I start cutting up some onion and green bell pepper. I put the hamburger I got into a bowl. I toss in everything I need to make the meatloaf I decided to make for dinner tonight. I form it in a pan when its all mixed together and put it in the fridge. I peel some potatoes and put them in a pan with water and put them in there too. I decide green beans are a good choice so I take out a can and sit it on the counter. I wash my hands at least a half dozen times as I'm doing all of this. I am done prepping dinner now its time for my kids to come home. Amazing how quickly they became my kids in my head and they were total strangers just a while back. The world can be a beautiful place if we just let it I think. I go and stretch out on the couch and turn on the news and wait for them to come home. I doze off in the second round of news. I hear them come in and they see me sleeping. I'm not but, I was so I can be again easily or wake back up. Could go either way. I hear them open their back packs and take out their homework and start working on it.

“You guys hungry?” I ask startling them.

“Yes sir.” Tommy says.

I go and get some cheese danish I got at the store and put it on plates for them with a fork. I grab them both glasses of milk to go with it. I carry it out on a tray and sit it next to them. They both attack it like they haven't eaten in days. I look and its pushing four thirty now. I head into the kitchen and turn on the oven to preheat. Once its ready I put in the meat loaf and set the timer. I put the pot of potatoes on the stove top so it will be ready when I am. I open the beans toss them in a bowl and put them in the microwave to wait for further instructions from me. I head out to the porch a coke in hand so I don't disturb my studious students. I sit and watch the cars go by until I hear the timer go off. I head in and turn on the potatoes and I sit at the table. I decide to go and get their plates and glasses to wash them up so its less to do later. I do just that and its time to start the beans and I decide instead of mashed potatoes I get out a fork and some butter. I put a couple big scoops of butter on them and mix it with a fork. Making them lumpy and yellow from the butter. I put them in a bowl and I take out the meat loaf and put it on a plate. I start the beans and set the table. I get Orange Sunkist for the kids and a coke for me. I carry everything to the table when its done and go tell the kids dinner is ready. I had put some food on each of their plates before I did this. Sometimes meat loaf is crumbly. I figure this is easier for me to do it. They both head to the table and Linda takes a bite.

“This is good. I was thinking all you knew how to make was chicken.”
“I can make lots of stuff. I just really like chicken.”
“Me too.” Tommy says taking a bite.

We eat and once we are almost done I tell Tommy.

“The lawyer set up an appointment to meet your mom on Sunday.”
He looks at me and I can see the battle going on in him. How he really wants it to be perfect for him with her. But, how he loves me and doesn't want to leave me either.

“It will be OK.” I assure him.

“You sure you aren't mad?” He asks for the seven hundredth time I think.

“I assure you I am not remotely angry about this.” I say smiling.

We finish our dinner and clean the dishes as a team. We go and watch a bit of TV and before we know it its time for Linda to depart from us. I pack up a little left overs for her to take home as always.

“I promise I will bring back all your stuff tomorrow.” She says.

“Its OK punkin.” I say and kiss her on the cheek and leave them alone so they can say their good byes. Once she is gone Tommy is sitting on my lap.

“You really sure you aren't mad?”
“No buddy I am not mad. What I want is for you to be happy. I think if your mom is a good person and really loves you that's the best place for you. But, if shes not well then I want you here. We have that power over her.”
“Yeah. But, I just want to have her love me and stay here with you too.”
“Sometimes buddy we cant have everything we want.”

“Yeah.” he says sadly.

He wants to start his new book so he does and I can actually concentrate on my book tonight. Once it gets later we decide its time for bed. He had a shower earlier so he isn't stinky which is good. I took one after he did as well. Hes a good boy I didn't even have to ask him to shower. He just did it. Boys sometimes you have to fight to bathe. Not Tommy hes a good boy that's for sure. So I tuck him in and head to my room. He comes in a few minutes later and climbs in bed with me.

“I don't know why you put me in my bed. I always wind up here anyway.”
“True. But, its your choice to join me. I don't just assume you want to.”
He thinks a minute on that and says.

“Yeah I like that too. Before it wasn't my choice. I just had to do whatever I was told. I like choosing to come in here now that I think about it.”
“I'm glad you do.” I say wrapping my arm around him.
We doze of quickly and before I know it its Saturday afternoon and I'm nervous as shit knowing tomorrow is the day. Linda has been here since last night. She ran home and got some clean clothes and I had her get her dirty clothes and bring them over so I could wash them for her. I found out that she doesn't have easy access to a washing machine. Well, She has access but her mom never gives her money for laundry. Before when her mom did give her money she used it on food. So she had to take two trips as she had so much laundry. I start the first load when she goes to get the rest of them. I put her clothes in and think she has some cute little panties. I start the washer and head to the porch. Tommy is in his room playing a game by himself. When Linda gets back the clothes are done in the washer so I put them in the dryer and start the next load. I go to the porch and she joins him in his room. I decide to go and record their voices why they are playing. I get my digital recorder and head to their room? I have them say a bunch of sentences and certain words. They ask what its for and I say its a secret that I will tell them later. I go to my office and put their voices into the computer. I put in my head phones so they cant hear and start with the game. I hear their voices coming through the computer giving instructions or telling jokes. Its so perfect. It looks and sounds like them. I make it so they are the only two deleting the adults. I go and see what they are up to when I'm done and they are sitting on the floor playing a game.

“If you guys aren't too busy can I borrow you for a few minutes?”
“Sure.” Tommy says getting up. Linda doing the same. I walk to my office them following naked as jay birds. The only time either of them has had clothes on was when Linda went to get her stuff. Tommy offered to help but she declined. So I have them both sit on my chair and start the program. Up pops their faces on the screen and then they hear their voices talking to each other on the computer.

“This is so cool.” Tommy says.

“Yeah it is.” Linda agrees.

So I watch them play for a while and see they are liking they game a lot. I head to the porch and sit down. As I do my phone rings in my pocket startling me as usual. It must be funny to see I think. I hear the kids in my office laughing and having great fun it sounds like. I answer my phone.

“Hello?”
“Eric my kids have been playing your game since I opened it up. They simply love it. I think this is the game that will really make my company a player in the educational market. I want your game.”
“I made a few changes since I sent it to you.”
“I don't care. If I don't like it we can change it back. But, I know I will love it as much as I love your game. I found myself playing with the kids its so much fun.”
“I'm glad you like it.”
“I do.”
We talk over details of how she will pay me. Its no money up front because she doesn't really have any. But, I get a percentage of the sales. I think its fair so she says she will have her lawyer shoot over a contract to me. We end the call and I go to tell the kids.

“Guess what?” I say smiling huge.

“What?” They both say feeling my excitement.

“I sold the game. The lady I sent it to loves it.”
“Its super fun. Why wouldn't she?” Tommy says.

“Yeah Its even more cool because its us on the screen. Will it be like that on all of them?” Linda asks.
“Of course.”

“Cool we are going to be famous.” She says.

“Probably not.” I say. “But you never know for sure.” I say smiling. I watch them as they go back to the game. If it wasn't educational I would feel bad having them cooped up in the house all day. I go and make some lunch for us. I just make meat loaf sandwiches. Sounds good and the kids liked it the other day so it seems like a good option. I make it all up and put it on the table and let them know its time to eat. As we are eating they are talking about the game and giving me a few more ideas. I think well that will be for the next one. This is version 1.0 the 2.0 version will have their ideas in it. Always have to upgrade to make a few more dollars and to keep people interested in the game. Before we know it we have had our dinner and watched a movie. I made popcorn as a treat as we watched the film. I got two sleepy kids ready for bed. I walk with them into their room and I tuck them in. I give them both a hug and a kiss on the lips.

“Love you two sleep well.”
“Do you?” Linda asks.

“Do I what?”
“Love me?”
“Sure I do princess. Whats not to love about you.” I tell her my triple threat thought from earlier and she smiles.

“I love you too.” She smiles and gives me another kiss.

“Sleep well you two.” I say again. I head to my room and I can hear them talking. I cant hear what they are saying just can hear them. It doesn't matter because there's no school tomorrow. But, we do have the appointment with his mom at noon. I head to bed after I slip on some sleeping pants. I decide to have a wank and do just that. After I cum I clean myself off and roll over to go to sleep. As I am just at the edge of Nod. You know that wonderful euphoric feeling of conscious sleep. Not asleep not awake. I feel the two of them crawl into bed with me. I am a bit surprised as they didn't last night. I don't mind at all. Just kind of shocked is all. I feel them push up against me and I feel their arms wrap around me and I'm out.

I wake the next morning with a feeling of dread. It is not going to be good no matter how it goes I think to myself. If she is what I'm hoping Tommy will go with her. If she is like I hope shes not then he will be upset. So its not a win win. For me its a lose lose. For him its a fifty fifty. I slip out of bed and they are cuddling under the covers. I look and its sweet. I go to the bathroom and take care of all three of the s’s. I head back to my room and slip on some underwear jeans and a polo. I figure look halfway nice to meet this woman. I head to the kitchen and decide its just cereal and toast today. Its a decent meal I think. I don't have to cook every meal. I make myself a bowl of cereal and some toast. I have the cereal on the table and Linda comes strolling out as I'm nearly done. She sees the cereal and grabs a bowl and spoon. I put a couple pieces of toast in for her. It pops up as she is sitting down after she puts her milk and cereal. I butter it and put it on a plate for her. A few minutes after that Tommy comes out rubbing sleep from his eyes. He does as she did and I make him some toast as he does. I put my bowl in the sink and head to my room and put on some shoes and socks. I go and fold the last of Linda's laundry. I put it back in the high dollar luggage she brought it to me in. I'm careful not to rip the black trash bags as I put it in them. I walk out and say.

“Tommy we aren't in a rush. But, we need to get started soon.”
“Kay.” He says and takes a bite of toast. I go to the living room and sit down and turn on the news. Linda is with me in a few minutes completely dressed.

“Are you scared?” She asks me.

“Yeah a little.”
“Me too.” She sits on my lap.

I just hug her to me. She puts her hands on my arm and slowly rubs the hair on it.

“You know if he goes with his mom I still want you to come over every day.”
“Really?”
“Yeah really. I wasn't kidding when I said I love you. I want you to be a part of my life forever now.”
She smiles and turns her head and kisses my cheek.

“Its nice here.”
“So you will come no matter what?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” I say to her and kiss the top of her head.

A few minutes later Tommy comes out looking sharp as always.

“You look very handsome.” I tell him.

“Thank you.” He says.

“Linda you want me to give you a ride home?”
“Only if you stay outside.”
“I can do that.”
So we load her laundry in the car and some left overs. She sure did bring back my other dishes. All clean for me and everything. When she wasn't here I washed them all again. I'm sure they were fine I just am OCD about if it leaves the house its dirty again. I know its not true but its how I am. We drop her off and head back to the house. We walk down and get on the subway and head to Central Park. Once we arrive we walk to where we are supposed to meet her and I here someone scream/

“Tommy!!!” I see her start running towards us. She swoops him up in her arms and swings him around kissing his cheeks.

“I'm so sorry.” She keeps repeating. She says it at least fifty times tears streaming down her face. Yeah its good for Tommy I think and bad for me. I am so fucking selfish I think. I should be thrilled beyond belief that she is here and she loves him. But, selfishness is rearing its ugly head. I am ashamed of myself as usual for being selfish. Tommy is hugging her back and she is kissing his cheeks over and over between the I'm sorrys. After a good two to three minutes she puts him down and she gets on her knees in front of him.

“I'm so sorry I had to leave you. I had no choice.”
“Because you were a junkie.” Tommy says flatly.

“Yes because I was a junkie.’ She says looking at the ground. “I was hoping you would want to come live with me. But, I can understand if you don't want to.”
“I have a good man I am staying with.” He says.

She notices me for the first time.

“I'm so sorry.’"She says and raises to shake my hand. “I will be eternally grateful to you for having your lawyer contact me. I was just about to file for custody of Tommy in another month when I graduate. I already have a great job lined up in California when I graduate. I will have a good career and income as well. I was hoping a judge would see I can provide for him and love him like he needs. No deserves.” She says correcting herself.

“I imagine that's entirely up to Tommy. I am not here to make any choices for him. I think he is old enough and smart enough to decide what he wants to do. Why don't you two go walk around and do something and talk. I don't want to impose on you two.” I say and go sit on a bench. She smiles at me as I walk away. I hear her say to Tommy.
“Hes been really good to you hasn't he?”
“Yes he has. I love him and he loves me too.”
“I understand.” She says. She takes his hand and they walk off towards the lake. I know she will be back because I know where she lives for one. For two I just trust her for some reason. I know shes not full of shit that she is trying to do the right thing for her son. At least I think so. I see a hot dog cart and go get a couple of dogs with mustard and sour kraut a bag of chips and a Coke. I go and sit and enjoy my meal and wait. I suppose that's all I can do. Every second seems like an eternity. It feels like it took me two hours to eat when I know it was maybe five minutes. I sit and wait an hour and a half when they return. I see Tommy has her hand in his. I smile as I see them approaching and get up. My face is smiling but, I can feel my eyes are sad. They are both laughing as they are approaching. I walk up to them.

“Eric can I go see my moms apartment? Its only a few blocks from here.”
“You are more then welcomed to come too Eric.” She says smiling.

“No I think I will wait here I don't want to interrupt your reunion.”
“Don't be silly please come.” She says.

“Alright.” I say relenting. I don't want to see this. I don't want to see where Tommy is going to go. I just cant bear it. Because I know its going to be very nice and very clean. They start walking and I trail behind. Tommy turns around and sees me and holds out his hand for me to take it. I do so and he is walking between us like several other children we see in the park. Walking with the mom and the dad. I sigh as we walk and listen to them talk to each other. Her telling him what she has been doing in preparation to get him so he can live with her. Him telling her about me and Linda and how good of a cook I am. They go back and forth and we walk up three flights of stairs to her apartment. When she opens the door its amazing. I cant believe she can afford this apartment in Manhattan. Its a two bedroom two bath. It is huge by New York standards.

“How can you afford this?” It slips out before I can stop myself.

“I am house sitting for a friend I know. They are in Europe and have been for a year and a half. They are studying over there and I pay them a modest rent. The apartment house is her dads. So it works out really nice. I do a little around here when it needs it and I get a great apartment. But, they come back just after I graduate which is perfect because then I will be going to California to start working.”
“I'm sorry that was rude of me.”
“No its a legitimate question. Its about a $4500 a month apartment and I'm a college student.”
“True but, it was rude.”
We walk through the apartment and its every bit as clean and lovely as I imagined. Only more so. She has the second bedroom already decorated for Tommy. I guess his interests haven't changed too much as its decorated with things he loves. We go to the dining room and she says she will be right back and appears with a tray with three slices of lemon cake on plates along with some glasses of milk.

“Lemon cake my favorite.” Tommy says.

I didn't know that. I think. I never stopped to ask. He was just so happy I think to have food he didn't specify what his favorites were. And I am too stupid to have asked. Tommy tears into his cake.

“Slow down.” His mother and I say in unison.

“At least I know for the last little bit he has had someone that has some sense.” She says.

“Well, Michelle. I just think he will enjoy it more if he takes his time.” I say to her.

He looks up and smiles with lemon cake crumbs on his lips. He takes another bite and smiles at his mom.

We have some small talk and after an hour or so its starting to get dark and I say that we need to get going.

“Eric can I stay here tonight?”
Michelle looks at me with hopeful eyes.

“Sure I see no reason for you not too. She is your mother and she loves you.”
I get up and Tommy jumps up to hug me. I hug him back and head out the door. I walk down to the train station and all alone and get on. I sit down and I just cant hold it back any longer and the tears start streaming down my face. I'm looking out the window ignoring everyone else. I feel a hand on my leg and look over. I see a lovely girl about twenty or so.

“It will be OK. sir.” She says.

“It is for the best.” I say and look back out the window.

“Did you love her?” She asks.

“Yes I did and do love him.”
“Oh.” She says. “Sometimes its good to share.”
“But, I don't even know you.”
“Sometimes that's even better.”
I think a second about it and shes right. I pour my heart out to her for a good ten minutes as the train goes a long making its stops people loading and unloading. She listens and tells me the same thing I had been thinking that it sounds like an ideal situation for him.

“I know that doesn't make you feel better. But, it sounds like he will be in your life regardless of if they move to California or not.”

“I'm sure you are right. Its just I have gotten so used to being a dad. Now I'm not anymore.”
“What about his little girlfriend you mentioned?”
“Well, I imagine she will come around for a few weeks maybe then not so much. I mean no little girl wants to hang out with an old man like me.”
“From what you have said about her I'm guessing that she loves you too. It sounds like she needs some love in her life and you are supplying that as well.”
“I suppose.”

My phone pings and its Tommy.

Thanks Eric. Mom and I are going to go see a movie in a while.

I respond.

I hope you have fun and don't eat too much garbage.

I wont. Love you.

Love you too have fun.

“You know at the next stop there is a great pizza place want to grab a slice. I'm starving.”
“You know that does sound pretty good. Besides its my stop anyway.”
“Really? Its mine too.” She says.

“Well they say its a small world. I guess they aren't kidding.” I say making her smile. We get off and go have some pizza. Turns out she lives two blocks from me and she says she will come over tomorrow when she gets off of work to say hi. I bid her good bye and she takes my phone from my hand which hasn't really left it since Tommy texted. She puts her number in and says. If you need to talk or text feel free I'm up late. She sends herself a text from my phone so she will have my number too. I look and her name is Mackenzie.

“By the way I'm Eric.” I say and extend my hand.

“Pleased to meet you.”
“You know you should be more cautious talking to strangers in the big city.”
“Probably. But, I think a crying man on the train is usually pretty safe.”
“Maybe.”
“That and I have a third degree black belt in karate.”
“Yes that would give me a bit more courage.” I say smiling.

We walk and chat until we get to my corner. I show her my house from the corner and she smiles.

“I always liked that house. I love the porch and I have seen you sitting on it.”
“Yeah that's me. I like to sit and watch traffic.”
“Yeah I like to just sit and watch the world go by myself.”
“Well, tomorrow we can sit on the porch and watch the world go by. I'm sure you can meet Princess Linda tomorrow too. Maybe Tommy.”
“I look forward to it.” She says and gives me a hug.

I walk back to the house and sit down on the porch. I just don't want to go in yet. I see someone walking up the sidewalk and turn up my steps. She walks up on the porch and knocks softly on the door not seeing me.

“I will never hear that knock.” I say startling her.

“Is Tommy with you?” Linda asks.

“No hes at his moms.”
She walks over and sits on my lap.

“Are you sad?”
“Yeah I am sad for me. But, very happy for him.”
“Me too.”
“Have you eaten princess?”
“No there isn't anything at my house.”
“I got some left over pizza in the box there. Lets head inside and Ill heat some up for you.”
“Were you serious when you said you still want me to come over?”
“Very much so. I have grown rather fond of seeing you every day. Not sure what would happen to me if I lost you both.”
She slides off my lap and we go inside. I put some pizza on a plate and microwave it. I get her a soda and me one as well. We sit down at the table and she eats. After she eats we go and watch TV for a little while.

“Princess you better be getting home you got school tomorrow.”
“Yeah I guess so. I just don't want to be alone tonight.”
“Yeah me neither. But, your mom didn't give you permission for tonight.”

“She wont even notice if I'm gone.”
“Maybe not but, can you call her?”
“Sure she always has her phone on her.”

So she calls and gets permission. I drive her over to her house and she gets some clothes for school tomorrow and her school books. We head back to my house and I grab us some cookies. We sit down and she sees the book Tommy was reading.

“Can I read this Tommy said its funny?”
“Sure sweet heart.” So she sidles up against me and starts reading. After a while she says to me.

“Can I take a shower?”
“Sure. I will go get you a towel.” I get her set up and she gets her shower and comes out a while later wrapped in a towel. She sits on my lap and snuggles back into me. I kiss the top of her head.

“Thanks for the shower we don't have hot water right now.”
“Anytime you want a shower or anything princess you let me know. I cant do things for you that you need if I don't know.”
“I suppose its just embarrassing.”
“Being poor isn't a crime punkin. Its just part of life.”
“I'm not going to be poor when I'm older. I'm going to college and getting a good job that pays lots of money.”

“Money is important but, it isn't the only reason to go to school. Its important to like what yo do as well.”
“You mean like you?”
“Yes I like what I do and I'm very lucky that I'm really good at it and can get work anytime I want or need it.”
“Maybe I should do what you do.”
“If that's what you want I can teach you all about it.”

“I think I would like that.”
“You know I think I will too. If you decide not to go into that field at least you will have the knowledge to fix your own computer and gadgets.”
We start to read and around nine she starts yawning.

“Ready for bed Linda?”
“Yeah I'm sleepy.”
I stand up holding her and start to go to Tommy's room.

“I want to sleep with you is that OK?”
“Sure Princess..” I say and take her to my room. “Want me to get you a t shirt. or anything to wear?”
“Nah I'm good.”
I tuck her in and kiss her.

“I will be in shortly I just want to turn out all the lights and everything.”
She smiles at me, and lays her head on the pillow.

I go and turn all the lights off and make certain the doors are all locked. I climb under the covers and turn out the light. She snuggles into me and puts her arm and leg over me. I rest my hand on her buttocks and gently run my fingers over it. Its not a sexual thing just relaxing for us both. I get to sleep pretty quickly.

I wake up the next morning still tired. I slept just not well. I have Linda in my arms and shes snoring softly. Shes a pretty little thing. I kiss the top of her head and go to the restroom. I head to the kitchen and look in the fridge. I'm feeling like pancakes this morning. I start mixing up the batter and add some fresh blueberries. I gently fold them in other wise its just crappy. I start cooking them up and have four done. I decide that Linda would probably like some bacon and there are a few strips left from the last time I made it. I add a skillet and fry it up and finish the pancakes when a little girl appears nose in the air like Templeton the rat from Charlotte's web.

“I smell bacon.”
“Yes you do.”
She takes her seat and I can tell shes tired too. I get her some juice and she takes a sip immediately. I put a plate with a couple pancakes and the bacon on it in front of her. I just set put blueberry syrup this time. Because its perfect today. I slap some butter on her pancakes and sit down and sip some coffee and eat my pancakes. We don't really say much we are just alone together sharing our misery. I offer to take her to school and I'm surprised she accepts.
“I'm just tired is all.” She says.

“Yeah I slept poorly last night too.” I say. I grab my keys and billfold and carry her to school. She gets out and leans over and kisses my cheek before she gets out.

“You know your the closest thing to a daddy I ever had. I kind of like it.” She says smiling.

“I kind of like it too.” I say. She gets out and I head home. I'm just so blah today. I mean I know its good but, its still not. Selfish. Selfish. Selfish. I say imitating Gomer Pyle. I get a cup of coffee and go sit on the porch. I sit and watch traffic for a while. I'm sad about Tommy certainly going to stay with his mom. I don't know that for sure. But, well I can read the writing on the wall. That he he deserves to be with her. I finish my coffee and go get some cheese danish and some more coffee. I come back to the door and Mackenzie is about to knock.

“Thought you had to work today?” I say to her through the screen door.

“I did but, all my case load was in the neighborhood and it didn't take anytime at all. That and I brought this for you.” She says holding up a pan.

“Oh that was nice thank you. Where are my manners please come in.” I say to her. She comes in and I walk towards the kitchen with her following. She puts the container in the fridge.

“Would you like some coffee and danish?”
“That's sounds good.”
I make her a slice of danish and pour her some coffee.

“Would you like to sit on the porch or in here?”
“I like the porch idea.” She says.

“Cool.” I grab a tray and put our things on it and we go and sit. She takes a bite of danish and a sip of coffee.

“So how you doing today?”
“I am doing better.” I say lying.

“Liar.”
“You called that one. Fine I'm miserable. I mean its just a total mess in my head right now. I mean I'm thrilled he is going to stay with his mother. I mean really that's a great thing. She obviously loves him and wants him in her life more then anything. Yet...”
“You love him and want him here.”
“Yeah pretty selfish huh?”
“No not really. I think its natural to want to keep people you love as close as possible.”

“I suppose.’ I say taking a bite.

My phone rings and I take a big gulp of coffee to wash the danish down easier.

“Hello?”
“Hi Eric its Michelle. Tommy wanted me to talk to you because he is scared you will get mad.”
“He wants to live with you?”
“Yes.”

“How soon?”
“As soon as possible. I haven't been around my son in years. I don't want to miss another second.”
“I can certainly understand that. Hes a great boy.” I say a tear slipping from one eye.

“He wants to know if your mad?”

“Of course I'm not mad. I think its great. I am so very happy for both of you. I only had him with me a few weeks. Sure I love him and will miss him. But, he is in his proper place now.”
“I'm glad you are so understanding.”
“I don't see any other way to be. I can go ahead and pack up Tommy's things and have them ready anytime you want.”
“Oh could you? That would be wonderful.”
“Sure. I will get on it right away.”
“Great. I don't have a class for a few hours we can get it in a little while.”
“Ill be here.”
“Thanks so much again. You made my life whole again.”
“Glad to do it.” I say and think that my world is being ravaged. I wish I could get rid of the selfish thoughts. But, its so hard.

“See you in a bit.”
We end the call and I get up and head into the house. Mackenzie follows me in and watches me get down a big suitcase and carry it into Tommy's room. I toss it on the bed and unzip it. I start packing Tommy's clothes into the suitcase. I pack it all in nicely and I get his dirty clothes and put them in the washer. Mackenzie following me and not saying a word. Strangely just having her there is a positive thing. I grab a coke from the fridge and hand it to her I grab one for me too and grab a pack of cookies. I head back to the porch and she follows me. I sit the cookies down and she snatches one quicker then one of the kids. I look at her and she smiles.

“What I like cookies.”

“Nothing. I know we just met but, it is a real comfort you being here.”
“Its kind of my job.”
“You make people feel better?”
“Kind of. I'm a social worker.”
“Oh.”
“No not like that. I'm not CPS or anything like that. I work directly with homeless children.”

“Oh that must be terribly depressing.”
“You would think so. A lot of the time it is. But, it can be so rewarding. Seeing a family get a new apartment the looks of joy on everyone's faces. Watching the kids race from room to room. Its nice.”
“I can imagine.” I say thinking of the kids racing the mom or dad smiling. Happy to have a home for their family again. “Seems to me that in our country the issue of being homeless shouldn't even be an issue when we have so many empty and abandoned houses. I mean look at Detroit hundreds of empty houses. Of course its Detroit and it can be kind of scary there.”
“You live in New York and think Detroit is scary?”

“Yes. But, I love the Red Wings.”
“Blasphemy. Go Rangers.”
“We all have our faults. At least I know you aren't a Red Sox fan.”
“I think its legal to shoot them in New York.” She says laughing.

As we are laughing a taxi pulls up and out pile Tommy and his mother. They walk up and are all smiles. Which makes me smile. I am glad he is happy. That's for sure.

“I will go put the lasagna in the oven to warm while you are busy.”
“Thanks.” I say as my stomach knots all up. Saying good bye is hard.

She takes off for the kitchen and I get up and go greet them halfway up the walk. Tommy jumps into my arms.

“You sure you aren't mad at me?”
“Tommy I am thrilled you are happy. I am so excited for you to experience life like you should have been having it all along with someone who loves you. Thankfully that someone is your mom.” I say and kiss his cheek. I turn to his mother.

“I have everything packed up pretty much. I need to go fold some of his laundry that's in the dryer. But, its all done but, that.

“I really don't know how to thank you. I mean you gave me back my son when I probably didn't deserve him.”
“Its not my choice its Tommy's. I only want you to treat him with the love and respect he deserves. Its all I want.” I say smiling.

“Of course.”

I put Tommy down and tell him.

“Help your mom go get the things in your room and I will fold the clothes. Cabs are expensive enough without them idling. So get a move on you don't want to break your moms bank account.”

He scoots off and she follows. I head to the laundry room through the kitchen.

“You doing alright?” Mackenzie asks.

“Yeah as best as I can be.”
I go and fold his laundry and wipe a tear or two away as I do. I know I haven't really had him long. But, I am still going to miss him terribly. Once I am done I put all the clothing into a paper grocery bag as I don't have anything else to put it in. Boy I am getting fancy like the Beverly Hillbillies. I walk out and Tommy and his mom are talking softly to Mackenzie on the porch. I walk to my office with the bag and I grab the money that we found at his dads house and I put it in the pocket of one of his pants. I then write a quick note.

This is your money. No arguments. Love you.

I tuck that in there and I head to the porch. I walk with them down to the cab and I put the bag in the trunk and I bend down to Tommy's height.

“I am really glad I have met you. I don't want to lose touch with you. You and your mom have my phone number. You also have my email. I want you to be good in school and dream big. I love you and will miss you.”
“We will see each other again.”
“Yes we will. You be good for your mom and remember you are always welcomed in my house.”
“I cant say how sad and happy I am right now. I will miss you but, I am happy I am with my mom too.”
“I know. I feel the same.”
I hug him one last time and help him into the cab. When he gets in I see him take his moms hand and she lifts it to her mouth and kisses his hand. I shut the door and they drive off. I stand on the sidewalk and watch until I cant see them anymore. I turn around and see my new friend standing on the porch watching. I walk up wipe the tears from my cheeks and sit on the porch.

“I wish I drank.” I say.

“Doesn't solve anything.”
“No but. Maybe I could forget a few minutes.”
“No it would just make you feel shittier.”
“Probably.”

We sit on the porch for a while and she goes in to check the oven. She just put it on low heat to warm it and keep it that way so when we are ready it will be. Me I just would have tossed it in the microwave. But, this is better. We chat for a while when she gets back for an hour or so and here comes Miss Linda strolling up to the porch.

She looks at me to ask if he is here and I just look back. She knows the answer and gives a weak smile.

“Are you hungry punkin? Our new friend made lasagna for us.” I say smiling.

“You must be Linda. Eric has told me all about you. When he said you were beautiful he wasn't lying.”
With that Linda rolls her eyes.

“Well, you are.” I say.

”Want me to set the table?” She asks.

“I will help.”
We go in and Mackenzie can see we need some time to talk so she hangs back.

“So he is gone then?”
“Yeah.”
“Hes with his mom?”
“Yeah.”
“Does she love him like us?”

“No. More.”
“I'm sad.”
“Me too.”
We set the table in the dining room and Linda goes and gets Mackenzie and we have a nice meal and we talk and learn even more about each other. Even though the mood was somber it was still a nice time. Once we get done Mackenzie begs off and Linda and I are alone.

“You better get your homework done.”
“Yeah.”
I follow her into the living room and she sits her book bag on the floor and starts working on the coffee table. I watch her and think how sweet she is.

Once she is done we have a few cookies and tell each other stories about stuff. I like Linda she is a smart girl. She knows a hell of a lot more then a lot of people my age that's for sure. Especially about human nature. It gets dark I make her some food to take home and I give her a hug and a kiss goodbye.

“See you in the morning.” I say to her.

She grins ear to ear.

“In the morning.” I watch her as she hops down the steps and skips down the street to her home. I am just exhausted and decide I just want to go to bed. I turn out all the lights and go to my room I flick on the light. I see a package in the middle of my bed.

“Huh. How did you get here?” I ask like it will answer. I sit on the bed and I read the card.

Eric you aren't too old. Love Tommy. I rip the paper back to reveal a pair of Jordan's in my size. I hug them to me, and kiss the box like a little boy would.

A brief Epilogue.

The rest is up to you.

Over the years Tommy still calls and he is in college now and so is Linda. Linda continued coming over. After a while her mom got into trouble with drugs and sadly had to go to prison. Linda naturally came to stay with me. She is my daughter now. In my heart and on paper.

Mackenzie and I have become the best of friends. We talk daily. We do things its really great she makes me feel special. I hope I do for her as well. Every now and then Mackenzie would bring by a child or two that would need housing for short term. Linda and I always welcomed them into our home with open arms and hearts. A lot of them still come by and visit. I'm older now. I'm honestly an old man now yet I don't feel it. But, that is how I met Tommy. How he changed and influenced the rest of my life. I love him for it.

He has loved living in California he loves the beach and surfing. His life is great now and he doesn't allow the abuse his father inflicted on him to destroy his life. He uses it for strength to get through rough times. If I can get through that this ain’t shit. Is what he told me he says. So as Joe Walsh says. “Life's been good so far.”

But, what it holds next. No one knows.

_____________________________________________________

ericmurphey1971@gmail.com

Donate to Nifty

Nifty Archive Alliance Donation