Part 2 Chapter 5 : Return to Hope.
Copyright 2005-2006. All rights reserved. Applies to all chapters in this series.
This story is fictional based on fictional characters. Any similarity to any person living or dead is coincidence. This story may contain man/teen boy or man/preteen boy or teen/preteen boy sex. It may contain no sex at all. I haven't decided yet.
If this is legal for you to read and is the sort of stuff you enjoy reading then read and enjoy. If this is not legal for you to read and/or is not the sort of stuff that you enjoy then do not read. You have the choice.
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It's been a week since I last wrote. Spring is well under way and summer is closing in. And so is my birthday. Hard for me to believe that I am almost 17. Also hard for me to believe that so much has happened this year.
After I left hospital, my mother suggested that I take some time to visit my Uncle Andrew way up north. It's a few hours drive from home, and my first solo road trip. But mum was confident that I would do OK, and with a loan of some money I was on my way for a 3 week trip.
I took the drive carefully, stopping often to rest. I also spent some time exploring.
A couple of hours out I took some time to explore a side road that headed towards the coast. I ended up in a patch of bush reserve land, with walking tracks in it. I decided to stretch my legs and follow them.
Unlike my last wander through the bush, this time I took it carefully and made sure I could find my way back to the car. I left markers in the dust near each intersection of tracks to remind me of which way I had turned.
Before to long had passed, I came across what appeared to be a very old logging trail. It was clear that it had not been used in many years. I decided to follow it in the direction of the coast, first using the camera on my phone to take a photo of the point where the track I had been following reached the trail.
After some walking, I came across a place similar to the spot that David had taken me to many months ago. I had to explore a bit to find a ledge, but there was one. It was a harder climb than the one that David had led me to, but it was also larger. And the view! Words would not do it justice.
I spent a long time there, just sitting and thinking. I realised that I could probably be happy again, and maybe even do well in life. But I also realised that there was now a big hole that had once been filled with love, once filled with David. At the time I still couldn't see us getting back together (and still can't), and wondered if that really was all there was to love - broken promises followed by immense pain. I spent some time crying as I felt so lonely. There was no way to reach anyone where I was. No way to talk to anyone. I thought again about talking to God as David had often told me to. In that setting, it was very hard not to. I couldn't help but think that a place so beautiful had to have been designed by someone who really knows what He is doing. I remembered David telling me often that he felt that things he saw in nature were God's way of showing Himself, and David also felt that things that would only last for a few moments (including some weird and very beautiful cloud formations that were gone in minutes) were God's way of saying something very special to David. I know that David looked very different at those moments, almost as if he was glowing.
I finally gave in for a moment and looked up to the clear blue sky.
“God, if you are real, then show me. Do something that will leave me unable to doubt before I go home. Please show me”.
With that, I got up and left.
I followed the logging trail past the path that had led me to it. I wanted to see how far and where it went. After about a half an hours walk, much less time than the paths I first followed took, I found myself rounding a bend and seeing my parked car. What had looked like a clearing in the bush actually turned out to be the start of the trail I had followed. It turned sharply a few metres in and disappeared from view. From where the car was parked, it doesn't appear to be what once was vehicle access right up to the cliffs. I figured that on the way home, I would stop in and visit again. This time, I would be able to drive all the way to where I had sat for so long. I'd make sure I had film in my camera and take some photos of that place before leaving.
It also made my loneliness all the more real to me. I simply HAVE to share this place with someone, and soon! But there's no one special enough in my life right now. Well, maybe Bob.. But it just didn't seem to fit right.
I got into my car, turned around, and headed back to the main road.
About an hour later I pulled up at Uncle Andrew's house. The sun was setting and he was sitting outside on the porch, sipping a coffee and watching the sun as it started to set.
When I got out of the car he gave me a hug, commented on how much I'd grown, and took my bags inside and put them in my room. He then told me to grab a drink from the fridge and join him on the porch.
It took me a few moments to find the kitchen. I think the last time I was at his house was when I was 10. I noted that he must have remembered what I liked, because the kitchen was well stocked with many of my favourite foods and drinks. He certainly seemed prepared to have a teenager staying!
I grabbed a coke from the fridge and joined him on the porch. We watched the sun set in silence. He moved over in the seat so he was sitting next to me, and put an arm around me.
It was a bitter-sweet moment for me. Although I finally had someone holding me, it also reminded me of what is missing from my life now. So many times David and I had watched a sunset together, so many times we had sat in silence and enjoyed the show that nature provided for us. So many times we relaxed in each other's arms and each other's love. I finally realised that I really did miss him. I still can't see me going back to him though.
But something was also different. I somehow felt warmer, and more at peace. Like I knew that things were going to be better and soon. I really can't explain it but it was just an overwhelming sense of peace and security.
After the sunset he took me out to dinner at the local Wendy's. Their chili dogs were something that I had missed. There's no Wendy's in my area, this one is the closest to my home.
From there we went to the park that surrounds the lake in the middle of the town he lives in. It's a beautiful place by day but I didn't know how it looked at night. The trees are lit with lights that match their natural colours during the day, and the fountains in the lakes also have a spectacular light show set up with them. For some time we sat and watched before walking the rest of the way around the lake and back to the car. Then we headed back to Uncle's house.
The whole time he barely said a word. He just listened to what I said. I never told him what had been going on the last few months though, I just talked about general stuff. But I guess he knew.
When we got home, he got out some of my favourite biscuits and made us some hot chocolate. Then we sat in the lounge to eat and drink.
I sat next to my Uncle on the couch and leaned against him, enjoying the comfort of being with someone again. It had nothing on what David and I had, but it was a lot better than nothing. After a few minutes he put an arm around me and pulled me closer.
“Nathan, I want you to know a couple of things. First, you have been my favourite nephew since the day I met you. I love you a lot. I really do, and I would do anything I can for you. Second, whatever is troubling you, I am here for you, ok? I will never tell anyone else what you tell me, no matter what.”
I nodded. It somehow seemed a bit hollow though. Don't get me wrong, he has never done anything to suggest that he was not being sincere. But after David, I wasn't sure that I could trust again.
“Lou rang me when you went into hospital. She was so upset and so scared. She told me that you had a break up with your partner, and what you did. I'm here if you want to talk”.
Everyone trying to get me to talk about David. It was annoying! I stood up and looked him in the eye.
“Uncle Andrew, I really don't want to talk about it! I really do not want others trying to get me to talk about it! I'm off to bed, I'll see you in the morning!”.
With that, I left the room and headed to bed.
About half an hour later he came in and sat on the bed. He looked me in the eye for a moment as if trying to read what was going on, before leaning over and kissing me on the forehead. As he did, he brushed the hair away from my forehead with his own special touch that I had felt so many times before. Different from David's touch yet the same in many ways. A touch that communicated love and compassion. A touch that I had felt so many times since that night he first comforted me. A touch that I had not realised that I had missed in recent times, but I missed it so sorely!
A touch that I needed.
He continued to look into my eyes for a minute before he spoke again.
“I love you Nathan. Good night and sleep well”. With that, he gave my shoulder a squeeze and left the room.
I fell asleep quickly, and slept pretty well last night. I guess the days driving and exploring had tired me out. No nightmares came to me at all.
This morning was absolutely wonderful! Not only could I tell that it was a glorious late spring day, but I also awoke to the smell of bacon and eggs cooking. And freshly brewed coffee as well.
Shortly after waking I was in the kitchen. I grabbed two cups from the cupboard and started pouring the coffee as Uncle served up the breakfast. Bacon, eggs and toast with real butter.
I asked him if he liked his coffee the same way as he used to and he said he did. As he spoke he turned to face me and stopped in his tracks for a moment. Then he laughed and said “Wow, you really are growing up. How long have you been drinking that for?”
I told him that I'd only been drinking it for a few months. He laughed again when I added a bit of hot water to my cup to weaken the flavour. Coffee is still fairly new to me and I can't stand it the way most people seem to have it.
After we'd finished our breakfast, Uncle suggested that we take out coffee out to the back porch and have it there in the early morning sunlight. He also told me that there was a bit of a surprise out back.
I kinda expected that he'd tidied the back yard up a bit. While he kept the front fairly clean, he'd always let the back yard run wild. But not any more.
For a start, there was a good deck out the back of the house now, along one half of it. The other half now had a conservatory attached. But what struck me the most was the fairly substantial pool in the back yard, complete with diving board. It looked fairly new. When I asked him about it, he told me that he'd met someone who encouraged him to make a few changes. I guess that he must finally have a girlfriend. I'm still waiting to meet her. He hasn't even mentioned her yet.
Just before lunch, someone knocked on the front door. Uncle was preparing lunch for us and asked me to answer it.
When I opened the door, there was a boy who looked to be about 12 or maybe 13. The first thing that struck me was how good he looked. This was one hot boy standing in front of me.
The second thing that struck me was the look he gave me. When I first answered the door he looked a little sad. But when he saw me he looked shocked for a moment and then upset. We stood looking at each other for a moment without saying anything, me taking him in and trying to burn the image of that gorgeous face into my mind, and him.. Well, I dunno what he was thinking.
“Morning. Can I help you?” I asked.
“Er. Yeah. Is Andrew here? “
“Sam? That you?” I heard my Uncle call from the kitchen. A moment later he was walking up behind me.
“Sam! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be away for another week! What happened?”
Without saying anything more to me the boy walked past, right up to my Uncle and gave him a quick hug.
“Mum and dad again. Arguing as usual. They screwed up the holiday so we came home” the boy, Sam, replied.
“That's a shame. You OK?”
My Uncle placed an arm around the boy's shoulder and pulled him close for a moment, before turning him to face me.
“Sam, this is my favourite nephew, Nathan. Nathan, this is my very special friend Sam”.
We said “Hi” to each other and shook hands. And what wonderfully soft hands he had! I swear I felt a bolt of electricity as we touched. I found it hard to believe that such a beautiful boy had just made physical contact with me. I felt almost as if I was falling in love already. I just stood there for a few moments in a state of shock at what had just happened. It took my Uncle a couple of tries to get me to respond to what he was asking me.
Uncle asked me to finish getting lunch ready for the three of us while he and Sam went into the lounge to talk and catch up. I couldn't help but wonder for a moment if my Uncle was like David. But I quickly dismissed any thoughts of that. As a kid I stayed here many times, and in the past few years my Uncle has stayed with us many times. Never once had he tried to put any moves on me, nor has he shown any sign of liking younger boys. Nope. Must just be a neighbour kid that Uncle is nice to, or something like that.
I finished getting the sandwiches made and took the plate into the lounge. What I saw made me rethink what I thought only a few minutes before. Uncle was sitting on the couch. Sam was sitting on Uncle's knees, straddling him and facing him. They were cuddling and looking deep into each others eyes. I could see what looked like dried tears on Sam's face, but also a radiant smile on both their faces.
I stood there in silence for a bit. Whatever moment they were having, I didn't quite feel right breaking it. I didn't think that a 40 year old man should be getting it on with such a young boy, but they also looked quite cute together. Then I remembered a time when I had been upset as a child, and Uncle had held me on his knee for a while before turning me around, wiping the tears from my face, and talking to me in a way that really made me feel better. I remembered that he'd had the same look on his face then, and I probably had a similar look to what Sam had. Quite reasonable. After all, only a little while before Sam had said that his parents had screwed up the holiday with their arguing. At first I thought that maybe Sam was a little old for this but then I realised that he was probably quite a sensitive boy. He certainly looks and sounds like it. That to me makes him all the more special though.
I finally did break the moment by saying that lunch was ready. Sam gave me a look of disgust as he got up from Uncle's lap. I wondered if I had screwed up and chance of a friendship with him after that. But I soon saw otherwise.
Sam is a really great boy. I can't stay that enough. I know that I care about him and look forward to spending a lot more time with him while I am here. I really want to get to know him over the next few weeks.
A couple of hours after lunch the 3 of us hit the pool. We probably spent another couple of hours there before heading out for a movie and then dinner. By the time we got home, Uncle was totalled. I guess it's his old age. He hit the sack fairly soon after Sam went home. I pretended that I was going to watch TV for a while, but I was really itching to get online and get this written down. As soon as I was sure that I was clear, I did so.
Today has really been a wonderful day. I now see that my future has hope again, and that I could be happy. Sam is a special kid and a lot of fun, and I am sure that we will have a great friendship by the time I leave here. And that hurts as well, because in a few weeks I will be leaving here. I don't know when I will be able to come back, but I will try to make it here every few months if I can afford to, even if just for the weekend.
[Well? The next chapter has something special, thanks to a special teenager I know from a sadly far off land. You know who you are. I wish that I could do more than just tell you of my love for you :-) The same teenager inspired the character “Sam”. I cannot say enough just how special he is. He is amazing! Despite the thousands of miles the lie between us, we are close friends. He means the world to me! If I owned enough, I would sell it all in a heartbeat to be able to fly over to visit him!
As to the young man who inspired Nathan.. What can I say? I love him more than all the poets in the world could hope to describe. At the time of writing this, things are yet again improving between us. Maybe we'll get somewhere soon. Maybe just a closer friendship, maybe something like what I have written here. I hope to spend the rest of my life with him. When he is old, fat, and appallingly ugly, I will still love him no less than I do right now :-)]