Part 2 Chapter 7 : Way Back.
Copyright 2005-2007. All rights reserved. Applies to
all chapters in this series.
This story is fictional based on fictional characters. Any similarity to any person living or dead is coincidence. This chapter contains teen/teen boy sex.
If this is legal for you to read and is the sort of stuff you enjoy reading then read and enjoy. If this is not legal for you to read and/or is not the sort of stuff that you enjoy then do not read. You have the choice.
Email comments/questions to firstname.lastname@example.org
I finally managed to talk to David a little while ago. To say that he was happy to hear from me would be an understatement worthy of Guinness.
I spent the day with Sam while Uncle Andrew was at work. We did fool around some, and it was great -- that boy is one real sweet love maker. But we quit after a while.
Sam told me that it wasn't right. I'd already finished and was working on him when he stopped me. When I asked him what the problem was his response was "You should be doing this for David, not me".
I was upset with this. I really want to please Sam, I know that I love him and it's more than just him being the first one to get me off. I don't love him anywhere near as much as I loved David, but it's still pretty great having him in my life.
Sam went on to talk to me about how obvious it was that David and I should be together for life. All from my writings on this journal, and from things I'd said while we'd been talking during my stay here. He then dropped the bomb on me in a big way :
"It's obvious that you still love him very much".
I couldn't answer that, and had to leave him to himself for a few minutes outside. I fought what he said in my mind quite a bit, but even then I knew that he was right. And he is. I still love David. Maybe that's why I am still hurting.
When I went back outside, Sam had not moved from where he was. I sat down on the bench seat next to him, but he moved to the far end. Then he told me to lie on my back with my head in his lap, looking up at him.
I did this and got comfortable. It was a great position to be in. It did kinda make me feel like a bit of a child though - here I was sort being cradled by a 14yo boy. But I still really enjoyed it :-)
Before Sam spoke I remember thinking that he looked as if he was a lot older. I could also see a great deal of love in his eyes, and some other things that I can't yet place. One short phrase did come to me though - "wisdom and insight". It actually hit me quite hard when that happened, as if someone else had just pounded those words into my mind with a sledgehammer. I immediately prepared to take notice of whatever it was that Sam was going to say.
Sam spent some time explaining to me what love was really about. He spent some time explaining David to me even. And he spent some time telling me what a fool I was to throw it away over something so trivial as David being kind and loving to someone else, especially when it was someone I considered a friend, and that friend was hurting bad.
He asked me if I thought that my Uncle would have a bad reaction if he saw us as we were, or if I thought that Uncle Andrew would be grateful for someone finally getting me sorted out. He talked more, about how he would feel if Uncle was to ever leave him or be hurt, and how he would feel if he caught Uncle as I had caught David. With that, he told me that he would be hurt, but he would give Uncle the chance to explain himself. He also explained that one of the most important things of loving someone is forgiveness.
I was left with a lot to think about. I don't know if I missed anything or not, but I know from the passing of the shadows that I must have dropped off, and had been asleep for a long time. A good hour at least.
When I woke he said "Welcome back, sleepyhead!", and we both laughed as we remembered my saying that to him after our drive a few days ago. I'll never forget the gorgeous smile he had as he said it, or the love and happiness and peace in his eyes as I looked into them. Nor could I ever forget the feelings I felt in that moment, as if waves of peace, happiness and love washed over me.
We stayed like that for a while longer, probably over an hour, just talking about general stuff. I talked a bit about how long Sam had known Uncle
Sam told me that my Uncle first met him back when he was only a baby, and that my Uncle had worked with Sam's father when Sam's father started his first job. Sam and Uncle had been friends from when Sam was old enough to recognise such things up until Sam was about 9, at which point his parents had moved away from the area.
Then about 6 months ago things went sour with Sam's father's job, and the family moved back to the area. Sam let something slip that I had to talk to my Uncle about afterwards -- Sam told me that my Uncle had let them rent the house quite cheap for the first year while they got themselves sorted. I never knew that my Uncle owned anything other than his house -- and that was left to him and Mum by their parents (but Mum had the house that she and Dad had owned, so she let Uncle have his one). I never realised that Uncle had enough money for a second house -- but more on that in a little bit.
Sam's parents were now working, but Uncle had told them that a deal was a deal -- they only had to pay the low rent rate until the end of the year as agreed. So they went on the holiday that they were still supposed to be on when I ended up meeting Sam.
Sam also told me that he and Uncle had played around a bit, and that Sam enjoyed it a lot, but he was a little unsure of the age difference. "I mean, I read about people like Andrew in the papers and hear about them on TV. Can all these people who are against us being together really be wrong? You and David aren't so bad, you're almost an adult and he's a lot younger than Andrew, but where Andrew and I are concerned, well, I am not totally happy with it". He looked sad as he said this. I wondered if the look was one of him wanting more but not yet being willing to go as far as he wanted to. I know he loves Uncle deeply, and I know that Uncle loves him as well.
I decided to suggest that we swap position for a bit, and sat up. When Sam had his back to me I pulled him in against my chest. As he looked up I gave him a quick kiss on his forehead, then his nose, then a longer one on his lips. I know that there's room for problems but I really do love that kid. I don't care if we don't have sex ever again, so long as I get to cuddle with him, often.
When we broke our kiss I looked him in his eyes for a moment before speaking.
"Sam, you are way more than a kid. You're still a boy, still young, that much is true. But you are so much more than the average boy. You are so special in so many ways. You're beautiful beyond belief, you have a caring side so much deeper than most adults will ever know, and you're clearly more intelligent than the average fool."
I lightly brushed his cheek while I thought for a moment, staring lovingly into his eyes and receiving the same stare back from him. Then I placed my hand underneath his shirt, over his heart, and said "I hope that this wonderful heart stays as it is for many years to come. When you are old and gray and ugly, you will still be one of the most attractive people on the planet if you let your heart stay as it is. Uncle is lucky to have you, and I am so lucky to have met you. You need to realise that most people are idiots who let the papers tell them what to think. They are no longer capable of thinking things through for themselves. They see a boy like you in a loving relationship with a man like Uncle Andrew, and all they see is what the press has told them -- that the boy is being raped or manipulated or must be in a really fucked up state of mind to stay there. The few free thinkers will see it, and may be disgusted at what happens in the bedroom, but they look past that to see the special magic that is happening to both the boy and the man. I wonder if the reason that '3rd world' countries don't have such an issue with men and boys together is because they don't have much in the way of the media. Tonight I want you to go back through my journal and see that I also struggled with these thoughts. Look at the answers I found, and see if they fit".
Tears started to form in his eyes as he thought. I could see that he was struggling with something. I continued to stroke his face for a while as he continued to think through what he wanted to say, and the tears continued to flow.
"I don't know. I.. love him but.. I don't know.. I just don't know if I want to.. commit to him. And.. And.. And I don't think I want to be gay" he sobbed.
The confusion was clear in his voice as he forced the words out. I held him tight as tears started in my own eyes. I had also faced these thoughts, the confusion about who I may or may not be, the fear of how friends and family would react, the fear of being an outcast. I remembered that Sam is also a Christian, and that he could be getting hammered with stuff against gays in his church.
I though for a while longer before telling him what David told me so long ago -- that our sexuality is not really set in stone, and that he may yet be quite straight. I also had a thought strike me. I suggested that he talk to David about how he copes with being a BL and being a Christian. Sam readily agreed to this and smiled as he said "Yay! I get to talk to the famous David!".
I laughed at this then said "You know, David is quite an effective Christian, and it is clear that God uses him despite his being gay. In fact, God uses his being gay to help others."
I don't know what it was but.. I got this really weird feeling as I said that. Good, warm, strong, and very weird. I made a mental note to ask David about it when I speak to him tomorrow (well, Sam's going to be talking to him -- might as well say a few words while the call is going).
The rest of the afternoon and into the evening we slept together in each others arms. We were woken when Uncle Andrew got home from work. He has unusual ways of waking teenagers who fall asleep on the back porch. The first we knew of his presence was when the ice water hit us.
We both woke with a start, obviously. Andrew just laughed and said "I thought maybe you two needed some cooling down. Looking at the way you two were together, I guess I was right!".
A moment later he was on the ground with two teenage boys on top of him. I noticed soon after that he was certainly 'up' to some play fighting with a couple of boys. Soon after I realised that Sam was also 'up' to the task. That only leaves me, and I ain't saying how hard I got as the three of us wrestled on the small back lawn.
After a few minutes we stopped. Sam left us to go home for dinner, saying that he would be back the next day.
Over dinner I asked Uncle Andrew about what Sam had told me about the place his parents were staying at. Turns out that my Uncle is a little better off than the family knew, thanks to some investments he made early in his life. He's got 2 other properties, one being rented at a loss to Sam's parents, the other being rented to long-term tenants he inherited when he got the place.
I asked him what his investment was, hoping to learn something more. His answer was simply 'time'. I pressed him further and he eventually came clean -- he was a loved boy as a child, and stayed close to his adult friend up until his AF died. His AF left him everything he owned, including both properties and the company he owned. I never realised that Uncle was also a business owner.
The conversation moved from there to me and Sam. Uncle asked, in a joking fashion, if he had any competition for Sam's affections. I smiled and said "well, I am a lot cuter than you are, and I am way closer to his age'. The conversation was going to move to more intimate details I guess, but I was saved by a knock on the front door, which I answered.
Sam was there, with a bag, and looking upset. His parents were fighting again and he had just grabbed some stuff for an overnight stay with us and left. I put my arm round his shoulder as we headed in to the lounge.
We watched a couple of movies then headed to bed. Sam asked if he could crash with me, saying that he wanted to talk to another teenager about teen boy stuff. Uncle looked a little rejected at this but said he was OK with it.
It felt nice when Sam and I snuggled up in bed together, but I soon realised that how he felt was more important.
We spent some time talking about his arsehole parents and how they treated each other and him. All I could suggest was that he speak to Uncle about it. Later I got that weird feeling again, and a strong sense to tell him that he should also spend time with a close Christian friend and pray about it. The feeling continued to grow until I finally actually told him to pray. He looked at me weirdly for a moment then agreed that he would. I must remember to ask him about that look later.
The conversation moved from there to his relationship with my Uncle. I told him that I couldn't give him all the answers that he needed, that he would need to figure out what he wanted on his own. One of his concerns was how God would handle him doing stuff with my Uncle. I thought about what David had said to me many times, and what I'd heard him say to many others in the time that we were together. I looked into his eyes for a minute before passing those words on.
"Sam, one thing I have heard many times from David is that God is loving and forgiving. I've also heard that He knows us better than we know ourselves, and that He understands that we will fall many times. Besides, if you and Uncle are going to be together for life, then it's probably not that serious an issue. It's not like those Christians who think that it's OK for them to divorce and remarry and divorce and remarry and so on claiming that God sent them someone new to save them from a failed relationship."
From his response, I guess he'd seen things like that in his own church. For a little while longer he wrestled with his feelings before thanking me, giving me a kiss and a very nice hug, and then getting up and heading for Uncle's room.
I can't say what they did in there, but I can say what they weren't doing -- they weren't oiling the bed springs!
As I went to sleep, I remembered the feeling of having Sam lying there. That reminded me of having David there as well. I went to sleep thinking of David and if I should or even could get back with him like we were before.
I had a strange dream as I slept. In this dream, a man appeared before me holding up a piece of rope. The rope was made up of 3 cords. The man held the rope in his hands and pulled. The rope didn't break. Then he pulled off one cord and pulled it in the same way he had pulled the rope. As he did he said "This is you". It broke easily as he pulled on it. Then he pulled off a second cord, and sad "This is David". Again, it broke easily. He picked up the pieces and wound them back together. The broken parts appeared whole again as they were wound together with the third cord. The man then said "You are stronger when you are together".
For some reason I asked him who the third cord was. His answer was simply "David knows". As I started to wake with a really weird feeling, I heard the mans final words to me. "Talk to him. Do not delay".
For a few minutes after I woke I tried to shake the dream and the feelings it left me with. The man, who felt to me like he was my father, and his words were stuck in my head. I felt a strong need to call David immediately. I tried to ignore it but the more I did, the stronger the feeling got. So, I got up, got a coffee, and then made the call.
David was surprised but pleased to hear from me at that late hour. His first concern was that I was ok -- I mean it's rare for me to ring him at all at the moment, let alone late at night.
I assured him that I was OK. I asked him what he'd been doing, and he gave me a basic run down of what he had done since we last spoke. He also told me that he was missing me, and that he had been praying for me. There's that feeling again, like I should know something or realise something but it just eludes my mental grasp whenever I try.
Finally, I got round to telling him the dream. He was quiet for a full minute afterwards. I asked him if he was still there, thinking maybe he had fallen asleep or something. His response shocked me.
"Yeah, I'm here. It's just.. Like.. Wow.. We should talk about this. When are you coming home? This is quite big, at least to me".
His voice left me in no doubt that my dream was of some significance to him. I told him that I would be home in a few of days, and would see him as soon as I could get away from mom. I said my goodbyes to him and hung up.
As I settled down to sleep again, I could still feel that something weird but maybe wonderful was happening. I also felt quite scared at how all this stuff that was happening all of a sudden. I looked skyward and said "Ok God, what are you up to?". I swear that I almost heard the voice of the man I from my dream say "Wait and see", followed by a laugh. Soon after I was asleep, and what a sleep it was! I felt warm, comfortable, and as if I had someone more loving than David in there with me.
this morning feeling more rested and happier than I have in a long
time. As Uncle Andrew and Sam came out to join me for breakfast, I
realised that I was the only one who got anything much in the way of
sleep, but I wasn't the only one feeling happy.
I'll leave this post here for now.
[Little to say here. Interesting things starting to happen in their lives. Looks like Nathan and David will soon be back together again, or will they? I honestly don't know but it does look promising. Sorry for the delay. It can be hard to find good proof readers :-( Hope you are enjoying it so far -- TC]