Date: Thu, 20 Jul 2017 14:02:13 -0600 From: M. R. Masterson Subject: NONE, MORE THAN I Chapter 1 (Revised) NONE, MORE THAN I By M. R. Masterson CHAPTER 1 Sassy disclaimer: I understand that humans have varying ideals and values when it comes to sexuality, however life, the universe, fate, other people, and reality, give zero fucks about our sheltered ideals, values, or expectations. This applies to both the real word and fictional worlds. If you are easily offended, click away, far away, this author gives zero fucks about the opinions of the perpetually-offended closed-minded thought-police or enemies of free speech.... TA DA... **. **. **. **. **. **. IF YOU HATE WHAT YOU SEE HERE I don't suggest donating unless you love free speech that much. IF YOU LIKE OR LOVE THIS OR OTHER NIFTY ARCHIVES STORIES AND WANT TO SEE THEM AROUND... D O N A T E So starving artists and starving archivists can continue doing what we do for free. I am a Janitor at my day job and literally sing for my supper at night, then, I write my imaginative smut to escape from that reality. I donate what I can when I can to do my part to keep this awesome stuff alive in this kinky wonderland. ** ** ** ** ** ** Contact Info. authormrmasterson@gmail.com Follow for updates and bonus info and what inspires me : https://www.facebook.com/authormrmasterson Info: This is a story about a confusing and suspenseful whirlwind of emotions. Two men separated by 10 years of time, parental responsibility, and numerous legal repercussions, figure out that no one else can ever love them more than they love each other. As they draw closer together, while also trying to make dating other people work, they struggle to balance their personal, work, and romantic lives between the conflicting roles they play in each other's life and the lives of the people around them. (I apologize to those who read the first version of this posted I sent the wrong file and it ended up being a rough draft that was a disaster.) Chapter 1 - How Could I? **David Alvorson** How could I? That is the question I keep asking. How could I fall in love with someone half my age and barely on the same side of puberty, when I was getting closer to 30 than to 20? How could I indulge in such a perversion? How could I be so sick. I had raised this kid. He didn't call me "father" or dad, I was his "Dave", but I would be proud, honored beyond words even, to call him my son. Where did I go wrong as a father figure to lead him to have these unnatural feelings for me? I still didn't know, but this is what I do know. This is how it happened. Around the time he was born, his mother was like an older sister to me. My mother took her under wing, and she was one of those people who was always around. She was a babysitter for me and my younger brother, and I called her my sister. I had no problems claiming her. When she got pregnant at age 16, my mother promised we would always help her out raising the baby, that she didn't needed to tie herself to the immature young man who had knocked her up, and she's never been alone. The sperm donor, or as my mother, called him, "That little fuckwad leaking prick" ended up dying in a car accident while drunk driving shortly after anyway. I was 14 when the little guy was born. It was an emergency delivery, he was born 3 weeks early, and I'd had to drive her to the hospital, though I had no license. Now, I know, 14-year-olds aren't supposed to have parental instincts, but I fell in love with the little guy. All through my 8th grade year and all of high school, I would run home for my lunch break just to be with the little man, and I did my homework right by his side, and he slept in my room so his mother could finish high school. People assumed he was my son, but that was my fault. Rachel was not able to answer questions because she wasn't responsive when we got there. She had complications that almost killed her due to her age and a stressful pregnancy. I claimed to be the baby's father because I knew it would give me some say in what was happening. When the doctor's placed him in my arms, and I looked into his eyes, I just knew. This was my boy. He was the love of my life. None, more than I, could ever him this much. No one would ever come close. To say that I was a staple in his life would be an understatement. When his mother got married, I would take the kid so they could go out on dates. I actually begged to because I loved spending time with my little dude. He didn't call me dad or father, he didn't call his stepdad those things either. He called me his "Dave." He was the only one allowed to call me Dave. I was David. It was a strong name, a heroic name. I liked it. But I was his Dave. He was my little Jadey. My beloved boy. I was there for every swimming lesson and school play. In fact, when he was only 10, he confided in me first before anyone else that he thought he might be gay. I suspected as much, but I never let him know that. Despite not being his biological father, he and I looked so much alike that it was uncanny. I almost felt as though the universe HAD granted me a son, though I was, as a gay man, unable to have my own. When his mother and step father were both killed when their apartment building was brought down by a bombing, it was unreal. Jaden was with me that day, thank goodness. I couldn't have lost his mother and him in the same day. She wasn't my partner, but she was still the mother of my child. He was only 11 years old when his world came crashing down, and he clung to me like a barnacle through every moment that followed. I was his rock, his solid ground. I was his, and I always would belong with him, for whatever he needed me for. After he moved in with me, of course the dynamic would change a little. I had to be his sole legal guardian and parental figure. Legally, he was my son, and I in no way intended to shirk those duties or call his paternity into question. After explaining how I felt, and that I was willing to step up and play a role in his life, my family, his mother, and I, had all agreed that for all intents and purposes, I was the only father that mattered, and the documentation would stay the same. He was fiercely protective of me. My boyfriend's had to meet his approval, or they were history. Everyone knew that my son came first. If I did occasionally have one night stands he would spend the whole night upset, so it wasn't really worth it to me. He didn't want someone to use me that way if they didn't love me, and he couldn't imagine that I was doing the same to them. I was always the bottom in that situation, so he probably figured correctly that I was at greater risk too, and he had lost enough already, he wouldn't let me be hurt by some random guy. As he got older, he knew for certain he was gay, and he confided with me that he had experimented with a friend of his named Zachary, whom I knew well. I told him that it was natural and normal and said, frankly, "Good for you". He always said there was this one guy he liked, had a crush on, but was terrified to talk to him about it because he was older, and gorgeous, but completely clueless. I knew the feeling. Jaden and I were best buds, I mean, it was odd at his age, for a nearly 14 year old to still take naps in his father figure's arms, but I figured that with us both being gay too, and not giving a fuck what anyone thought of that. It was not the end of the world. If he wanted to be close to an older male presence who truly cared for him as deeply as I did. He was my precious angel. I would hold him as long as he let me. Things went smoothly between us, until shortly before his 14th birthday. This is how that played out. Several of my coworkers and I went out to lunch together as a special treat. We worked at a long-term care facility, (nursing home) and the son of one of our patients came with us because he was sort of a fixture there. He was 18, just out of high school, gorgeous, and he had a good rapport with the staff. Kevin, or Kev as he was known, was actually the one who suggested treating us all to dinner to thank us for all we did to help his mother. She was suffering from diabetic nerve pain in her stomach so bad that she only weighed 80 pounds, and spent a lot of time moaning in agony. I was talking about how proud I was of my responsible and independent son. "he is so sweet to me, he keeps the house clean, he makes a paycheck mowing lawns and cleaning houses for the elderly, he even makes me dinner most nights and then starts his homework after. It was like having a wife, I joked, only one half my age. "A trophy wife for sure, he is so freaking gorgeous." Amber commented fanning herself at the thought. "I know, YOU try saying no to that pretty face, it's like rejecting an angel." I said looking helpless. Kevin piped up. "You talk about this Jade fellow... A LOT.... I don't care either way, but, Is he your boyfriend?" he asked. His vocal patterns somewhat betrayed his jealousy. I was told he had a crush on me, and I really thought he was a hottie, and a sweetheart. So I knew where he was coming from with his question. Everyone at the table laughed at Kev though, for good reason. "No, Cutie..." I replied, "Jade is my 13-year-old son." I said making him blush and feel silly. "Sorry...does that mean you are single then?" He asked. All eyes turned from his embarrassment to.me, now put on the spot." "Yes, I am., If you don't mind going in a date with a 25 yearly old who has a son only 11 years younger than myself, I'd be glad to meet you for dinner some time." Good, desert then, he said. Moving a little fast aren't we. Angela teased. "I dint let a good thing slip through my fingers. I have been crushing on nurse sexy-pants here for weeks I thought he was taken bit now that I have been told otherwise, I am not going to let anyone else move in that." He said looking at me with puppydog eyes. My heart was beating out of my chest. "I said, I-I admire your directness, you are...cute as hell. I'll be there, text me your address, I will stop by as soon as I change clothes and check in with the little mister. I joked, getting a raucous laugh from everyone at the table. Janis blurted out "yeah and you best get on Jade's good side or there will be hell to pay!" everyone knew it was true, but David didn't want them to scare away his new date. "Sounds good. I have to pick up desert anyway" he said, ignoring the comment about Jaden. "It's a date then." I said making him blush. As red as his Auburn hair. ***.***.***.***.***.***.***.***.***. I stopped home and let Jaden know I had an impromptu date. "Hey Jadey, I have a date tonight with the son of one of my residents, so, you are on your own tonight, is that okay sweetie?" I asked. Coddling him a bit. "Do what you gotta Dave, is he cute?" He responded indifferent but in my experienced reading of him, not thrilled. Yeah, he is closer to your age than mine, and ginger. But he is so super sweet, he and I have been flirting and crushing on each other for a while, but... get this... He heard me bragging about how good you are to me, and... hahaha he thought YOU were my husband." He laughed but I could tell the idea of me dating someone, especially so young, was really not good news in his mind. Just remember who takes care of you." He said. "We always got each other's backs." I headed out for my date. A first date at his house... that seemed odd to me, but it must mean he can cook, and he knows how to entertain at home. At his age, those were rare traits, bit having a mom who was sick all the time forced a boy to grow up fast, and I knew he'd taken care of his dad before he had a heart attack and passed away. He was not the average 18 year old. I kissed Jade on the forehead as I left. He always had this sad hungry defeated look in his eyes when I went out on a date. I couldn't help but feel bad for my little man, who was turning into a real man fast. "I love you Jadey, you know that. You are my world...but I gotta find me some lovin' while I'm still marketable, or I'm gonna end up a lonely old troll when you go off to college and leave me." I said. "Nobody out there is good enough for you." He said point blank. Well, when you bring home dates, I will be sure to tell you the same, because no boy is going to love you as much as ME" I said grabbing him in a big bear hug and kissing his neck." "Stop!" He said. I had forgotten that, now that he was a certain age, his body reacted to physical stimulation differently, even with me. He had asked me to lay off the touchy feely stuff because he'd bone up. But I didn't care, he was a teenager, and a cute one at that. Let him bone up and feel awkward, that was life. I'd caught him masturbating and a few times had watched silently, hidden. I knew he was using dirty clothes for cum rags, and being a gay dude myself that didn't gross me out. I knew the deal, so I still did his laundry, and he did mine knowing I did the same things he did. This time when I had overstimulated him, he played dirty though. He kissed me on the lips, flicking his tongue against my teeth, and biting my lower lip as he let go. I let him go and jumped back. Fuck now he was making ME twitch in my jeans. That WAS awkward. I was close to his age when. HE WAS born. I gave him a disapproving look. "Not okay man" "Hey, just giving you your own medicine." he said adjusting his crotch. "I promise, it will never happen again," I said suddenly feeling sick at the reaction I'd had to his playful antics. "It's inappropriate for me to mess around like that at your age anyway. I'm sorry, I still think of you as my baby, but you are a beautiful young man too, however, You MUST ask before you stick tongue in someone's mouth." I had tears in my eyes and I know he was upset too. I was upset just because it was upsetting, but not angry with him, I couldn't explain that now though. I was feeling too messed up. He'd crossed a line I hadn't drawn for him yet, and his adult advance on me felt very wrong. Averting my eyes away from him, I left without another word. I always regret not staying and talking through it. I drove to Kevin's house with a storm of feelings; conflicted, sick, awkward and self loathing, about the events at home before I'd left. It wasn't what Jaden had done that bothered me really, I reasoned that I had started something, and it escalated, and he did what boys do, he reciprocated and teased me back up-ing the level of the game. It was how my body and heart reacted to it that made me sick. How could I even have a hint of that kind of perversion in me. Now I was dating a guy who was a little more than 5 years older than him? What message was that sending? Why had I not stopped him sooner than I did when he had first pressed his lips to mine? I decided to drop it. The whole line of thinking was poorly timed. Kevin was mature for his age and I deserved someone as sweet as him, and he deserved a chance to impress me that was not muddied by the awkwardness that awaited me at home. ***.***.***.***.***.***.***.***.*** **Jaden** I was depressed I was always depressed when Dave had a date especially when they were young enough to be my older brother. Dave wasn't old enough to have a kid my age but circumstances had made him the closest thing I had to a father from day one. Being two gay men well me almost a man under the same roof of course there were some awkward situations when I'd started to go through the biggest changes of puberty. The bond that had formed between Dave and I was cemented in a very real way when my mother died and I'd had to move in with him. Suddenly this guy who was like an uncle to me was someone I saw every day around the house with and without clothes. I watched him carefully shave his handsome face, with his pretty eyes and that jawline that made me shiver. He would do his daily exercise, Then he would put on some deodorant and cologne and get ready for work daily where he took care of people who couldn't take care of themselves. As I watched him go through this morning routine, it was so manly, his body was so beautiful and masculine. I wanted to touch him, and kiss his full luscious lips. I admired him, no scratch that I more than admired him, I adored him, I almost worship to him. We had always been unusually and somewhat inappropriately affectionate toward each other. He had never done anything ever that that bordered on unwelcome or inappropriate attention on his part but I have to confess that I initiated some situations that I knew I was cute enough to get away with that would probably look bad to anyone who didn't know us well. I had managed to get him to continue taking long naps with me on his days off, holding me in his strong arms and making me feel like the world was okay. We both knew I was too old for this to be normal, but it felt so right to us both. I knew he couldn't say no, when I curled up next to him and made him my "big spoon" without asking. I guess I was supposed to be the one that saw him has an old man father figure. Instead, I just saw the adorable, and `make-my heart-stop-handsome!' older guy who loved me and took care of me. I didn't care at this point that he loved and cared for me like a child, That he watched me grow up and raised me as the only father figure I ever had, he was my Dave he was my Dave, and seeing him with anyone else was never easy for me. He didn't date that much and the flings he had didn't bother me so much, even though I couldn't hide that I worried about him. I knew they would be here today and gone tomorrow. He always described our relationship as two guys who have each other's backs he said I was his whole world. I didn't know if that was true or not and every time he accepted a date with someone I felt as though it was a lie and I was just some kid who got dumped on him when my mother and stepfather died. I new I was probably being an over-dramatic teenager. But between hormones and emotions the Vicious Cycle that had me in its grasp, I couldn't tell what was sensible and what was just puppy love twisted and mixed up and directed towards someone I shouldn't have those feelings for. I'll admit that his horseplay with me before his date made me feel good, too good, it made me feel like I was still his most beloved. It also made me horney as hell, which made me feel a little sick, which made me hate myself. He hadn't caught on that I was cutting myself to get rid of the pain, or possibly to punish myself for feeling the way I did. I didn't know why it made me feel like I'd paid a debt for my perversion of thinking about my father figure that way, but it helped for the short term, and made my boner go away. I knew if I indulged in my sexual urges that were due to him by masturbating it would cement them in. I suppose it was a sort of aversion therapy than never had any effect. `Screw you Pavlov, you sick dog teasing bastard, I thought.' I loved Dave. Was in love with Dave. And he actually WAS my whole world. I'd only played around sexually with one person, my best friend Zach, who claimed to be bisexual but never did more than kiss girls, let them lean up against him. Hold them like couples do, and fondle their boobs. Even I could fake that. He didn't know if he even could go in between their legs or not. The visual aspect of it did nothing for him, but he worshiped cock, and lean male forms, and he ravaged me once in a while when he was too frustrated, but he wasn't ready to be our or have a serious relationship. Neither of us had actually done anal. Nor had we done anything more than grab ass with anyone else. Every time I was with Zach. I thought to myself. This is for you Dave, I wish it was you, you are my beloved and nothing changes that. I liked to imagine he did the same, but I knew that was delusional. I'd always be his baby. The way he reacted in disgust when I'd kissed him line and adult and the tears in his eyes, and his protests had confirmed that he didn't want me the way I wanted him to, and never would. I started in my usual booze binge that coincided with his date nights so I could pass out before he got home. I didn't want to be conscious when he was getting it on with his new boy toy, though I knew that wouldn't happen if he was over at the other guy's house already. I was beyond upset about that move. I drank half a bottle of southern comfort, diluted in doctor pepper, with as much ice as would fit in the mug each time. And chased it with a couple, Okay, three Dramamine for the effect of keeping it all down and making me extra dead to the world. Combined with my anxiety meds, that would put me out. Why did I have to love someone I couldn't have? I knew my pills and alcohol concoctions were dangerous, but I didn't care, as long as I was not awake while he was with this new guy. ** ** ** ** ** ** END CHAPTER 1 ** This is my second story submitted to Nifty If you like it, give me feedback, it encourages me to continue writing. I love hearing from my readers, I love connecting with new people. Contact the Author: authormrmasterson@gmail.com Follow for updates and bonus info: https://www.facebook.com/authormrmasterson