Date: Mon, 23 Nov 2009 09:53:26 -0800 From: Tom Baxter Subject: Pensacola 17 This story is fantasy. It never happened. If it is illegal or inappropriate for you to read this, don't. This story is the property of the author. The author encourages others to read it, download it, and even print it for their own use. Any commercial use, mass reproduction or reposting to another website, however, would require permission from the author in advance. Copyright 2009 --------------------------------- Pensacola - Chapter 17 --------------------------------- Josh donned his oxygen mask as he climbed to 15,000 feet for his return flight to Pensacola. He sat in quiet reflection as he watched his instruments and performed the necessary tasks to keep his aircraft on course and altitude. Had he done something in San Antonio that he shouldn't have? "Probably" Josh concluded, "Things have been so fucked up lately!... Ryan is in trouble with the Navy, I've been neglecting Brandon, and now, as soon as I fly to another city, I fall into bed with the first guy I see" Josh thought, disgusted with himself. Josh's aircraft passed three miles above the Beaumont VORTAC, an air traffic beacon in eastern Texas. As the needle on his navigational equipment spun, showing he was directly overhead, Josh turned his aircraft to the new heading towards Lake Charles, Louisiana. Josh deliberated his behavior in San Antonio some more... If he had just jumped into bed with Patrick and had wild drunken sex, that would have been one thing, but Josh had spent a long romantic weekend with him and the sex they had meant something, he really liked Patrick. He figured this was more of a violation of his relationship with Brandon and Ryan than simply hooking up with a stranger. "Shit! I really fucked up!" Josh agonized. "But, it seemed so right at the time" Josh thought as he pictured Patrick's cute smiling face. Josh reflected how Navy guys talk all the time about being `geographic bachelors' when they travel. "Ya, the distance makes it so you probably won't get caught, but maybe there is something more important at stake" Josh thought. "Maybe the violation of the trust makes it wrong, no matter if you get caught or not" Josh considered further. "Wouldn't it be cool if I didn't fool around with anyone else cuz I just didn't want to, regardless of whether I could get away with it or not?" Josh beat up on himself some more. "Navy 399, Houston, contact Center on 338.25" the radio startled Josh out of his deep thoughts. "338.25, Navy 399" Josh replied and then reached down to his UHF transceiver and dialed in the new frequency. "Houston Center, Navy six echo 399 with you level at one five thousand" Josh contacted air traffic control. "Navy 399, Houston Center, radar contact, Lafayette altimeter two niner niner eight" the controller replied back. =============== Josh was exhausted by the time he climbed into his Beamer for the drive back to Pensacola Sunday night. It had been a long day, and now he needed to figure out exactly what he wanted to do because he just couldn't handle his relationship situation any longer. He knew he needed to face Brandon and Ryan on Monday. Yes, he realized that he had created the problem. He should have been smart enough to know that he couldn't devote his time and attention to two different guys at the same time. And, after what he just did in San Antonio, he didn't feel like he deserved either one of his boyfriends. "So, what do I do about it?" Josh questioned himself. "Assuming that I can get what I want, what do I want?" he considered further. After hardly a moment of reflection, he knew that Brandon was his true love. Ryan was an awesome guy, fun to hang with, amazing to have sex with and Ryan could relate to Josh's passion for flying, but Josh truly loved Brandon. He just couldn't imagine life without him. Josh had even recently come up with a plan to deal with being transferred out of Pensacola while still seeing Brandon. He figured if he could get assigned to NAS Meridian to fly jets, he would only be a three hour drive away from Pensacola at BMW speeds. He could visit Brandon every weekend. "But what about Ryan?" Josh contemplated. "I've been such a shit to everyone lately, it would serve me right if they both said `fuck-off' and went off together leaving me alone. But, I think I just gotta lay it all on the line, be totally honest and let the chips fall where they may" he decided. "But shit Josh, `total honesty?'"... was he suggesting even coming clean about what he just done in San Antonio? "Ya, I think I gotta tell all and then bear my soul and just hope Brandon will keep me and that Ryan doesn't hate me" Josh concluded. =============== Josh walked into the Ready Room Monday morning and was surprised to see Ryan at the duty desk again. "Dude! Can you believe they gave me the duty again!" Ryan vented to Josh. "Ya that sucks" Josh replied sincerely. "Well, the CO's secretary called me this morning and told me I have a meeting with the Old Man tomorrow at 1400" Ryan added. "Cool! Then you can put this nightmare behind you and get back to flying" Josh perked up a bit. "Or, it could be the end of all of this" Ryan reminded him that CDR Richardson could throw him out of flight school with the stroke of his pen. "Don't think like that dude... that's not going to happen" Josh confidently replied. "Well, I hope not. I wish I could hang out with you tonight though. I'm gonna have a tough time sleeping or even relaxing tonight" Ryan sighed. "Keep your chin up buddy. It's gonna be ok, really!" Josh encouraged. They smacked knuckles before Josh went to a briefing room to prepare for his morning flight. Josh felt bad that he was actually happy Ryan had the duty and would be stuck on base overnight. He would have had to hang out with him the night before Ryan found out the final resolution of his Navy career or he would have had to explain that he wanted to be with Brandon – essentially breaking up with Ryan right at his most vulnerable moment. "It just makes everything easier that he's got the duty today. I'll talk with him bout our relationship tomorrow" Josh thought. Then he realized that he really needed Ryan to be reinstated in his meeting with the CO the next day because he just couldn't break up with him right after he got kicked out of flight school. "But, I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it" he concluded. Josh was back in the BMW by 3:00pm racing towards Pensacola. He text Brandon "get ready! ill be there in bout 30 min." Brandon text back "AWESOME!" Brandon flew off the deck even before Josh could park in Brandon's driveway. Josh thought it felt just like it did when he would pull up to Brandon's trailer months earlier. Brandon was so eager to see him that he scampered about the Beamer like a puppy. Josh was so happy to see Brandon that his emotions bubbled to the surface and tears streamed down his cheeks. "Josh!!! It's so good to see you" Brandon exclaimed as he hugged him. Josh couldn't even speak, he just hugged his boyfriend tight, not wanting to ever let him go. Josh sniffled slightly and Brandon pulled back to look at his boyfriend. That was when he noticed that Josh was crying. "Josh! What's wrong!" Brandon shrieked. "Nothing sweetie" Josh assured him as he pulled him back into a tight hug. "I'm just really glad to see you!" Josh added. Brandon, who was always a bit emotional, couldn't handle seeing his big strong boyfriend crying began to cry with him. "I've missed you soooo much Josh!" Brandon grabbed his overnight bag out of the trailer and they went to Josh's to enjoy their evening and spend the night. School started up again in only two weeks, so they needed to take advantage of every moment they could. Josh and Brandon shared a knowing glance and smiled as they saw Lorna's blinds separate when Josh was unlocking his door. "Who does she think she's gonna see going through this door! It's always the same people" Brandon snickered. They fell into each other's arms as soon as the door was closed and locked. "You don't know how much I've missed you!" said Josh as he sunk his lips onto Brandon's. Brandon eagerly returned the kiss and suddenly he felt exactly the way he did the first time Josh had invited him through his door – that night that Lorna and Dave had gone to the Crawfish Boil and Josh drew him a map to find the apartment. Josh realized that they were both sobbing again. "I should go away more often if this is the kind of homecoming I'm going to get!" Josh sniffled and joked. "No! Please, don't ever leave me again!" Brandon pleaded even though they both knew this would be an impossibility. Josh led Brandon into the kitchen, found a bottle of wine and then opened the refrigerator to grab a beer for Brandon. "No... I'll have the wine with you" said Brandon. Josh smiled and considered how much Brandon had changed... how much they had both changed. "You don't have to, I don't mind if you have a beer" Josh conceded. "No, I want the wine" replied Brandon, and Josh believed that he really did. "Well, if you're going to drink wine, let me see if I can find the stuff to make spaghetti" Josh suggested. "That sounds great!" Brandon agreed. Josh began to rummage through the refrigerator and cupboards looking for food as they visited. They shared their experiences not just of the weekend, but of the past couple of weeks. Josh was careful not to mention exactly who had he enjoyed San Antonio with. Josh was planning on telling Brandon what happened, but this moment was not the time. Josh tried to recreate their first dinner in his apartment. He lit some candles and turned down the lights. Josh looked at Brandon's smiling face, lit by the flickering light of the flame as he placed a plate of spaghetti in front of him. Josh held his wine glass up as he sat down. "Let's toast!" Josh suggested. Brandon giggled and lifted his glass towards Josh's. "To us! May our love last as long as we live and beyond!" Josh toasted as he clinked his glass into Brandon's. Brandon was smiling from ear to ear as he lifted the glass to his lips to sip. Josh could see how much Brandon adored him and suddenly he felt a pang of guilt as he considered the romantic dinner that he had with another boy a short 48 hours ago. They proceeded with eating their dinner. "So summer is almost over... are you anxious to get back to school?" asked Josh. "Are you kidding!?" Brandon cracked up. "I don't know, but I thought maybe you were ready to get back to school and get back to working on the rest of your life. Summer vacation is really kind of an artificial experience don't you think?" Josh related. "What do you mean?" questioned Brandon. "Well, summer vacation just seems like a big waste of time. It just seems like the quicker you get back to school, the quicker you will get done and then you can pursue your dreams" Josh explained. "Ya, I spose your right" Brandon contemplated. "But I still like sleepin in every day!" he laughed. Josh cleared their dinner plates and sat back down, admiring his lover. "Let me make a toast!" suggested Brandon. "Ok, cool!" Josh agreed as he raised his glass. "To our really cool evening and to lots more just like it!" Brandon smiled and looked into Josh's eyes as he tapped his glass. "Absolutely!" Josh concurred. Josh refilled their wine glasses and they retired to the sofa. Josh finally felt it was time to come clean with Brandon. "Brandon, I am so sorry about everything that has happened with us for the last couple weeks" Josh began. "Don't worry about it dude, now that we're together again it's not important anymore" Brandon replied. "No Brandon... it is important. I know you were hurt and I want to apologize" Josh continued. "Apology accepted" Brandon quickly threw out. He didn't want to ruin this perfect evening by brooding too much over the past. "Brandon, I know you don't want to discuss this right now, but I have got some stuff I gotta tell you. When I'm done, if you still accept my apology, then we will go back to our awesome evening and never mention it again. But I gotta tell you this stuff!" Josh pleaded. "Ok, what is it?" Brandon answered, now wanting to know what was so important that Josh just had to get if off his chest. "I would like to break up with Ryan and just be boyfriends – you and me again. I love Ryan and I always will, but I don't love him the way I love you. I just can't have him getting between us anymore" Josh explained. Brandon was smiling. Josh was pretty sure this part would go over well. "That's sounds great, that's what I want too" Brandon agreed. "But, I gotta be careful how I tell him about this. He may get kicked out flight school tomorrow. I don't think he will, but he could be. And, I'm not sure if I can kick him when he's down" said Josh as he looked at Brandon for a reaction. Brandon contemplated what this meant and how it might play out before replying. "I don't want to hurt Ryan either, but I want you back!... Now!" Brandon explained. "If you don't break up with him right away, can you still spend all your time with me?" asked Brandon. "Well, I am gonna have to spend some time with him tomorrow, just as a friend, good news or bad" Josh contemplated. "I guess what I'm saying is that I'm madly in love with you, and I wanna be with you and only you... but you gotta give me some leeway, just for a couple days" Josh implored. Brandon considered this and realized it was the most humane way to proceed. "Ok Josh, I trust you" he finally answered. "Fuck! Why did he have to use that word... `trust'" Josh groaned to himself. "Now I got one more thing to discuss with you... and this is the bad one" Josh said as he looked at the floor. "What more could there be?" fretted Brandon to himself as he looked at Josh with worried eyes. "I met a guy this weekend in San Antonio and had a great time with him" Josh began. "On the weekend you were sposed to spend with me?" Brandon said softly, on the verge of tears. "I know I fucked up, Brandon!" Josh sobbed. "I'm never going to see him again. I realized at the end of the weekend how bad this was and I can't believe I did it! I really want to be only with you now!" Josh pled for forgiveness. Brandon cried as he thought about Josh enjoying the weekend that he was so excited about with someone else. Then he remembered their agreement. "Did you fuck him?" asked Brandon. "No, I didn't! I really didn't Brandon" sniffled Josh. Brandon contemplated this further. As much as it hurt that Josh had been with that other guy over the weekend, he really hadn't violated their agreement. Then he remembered John! "Shit, I was doing the same thing!" Brandon reflected to himself. "Josh, I got something to tell you too... I was foolin around with John for a while, but then he ran off when he asked me to be his boyfriend and I said I couldn't cuz I was with you" Brandon confessed. "John!? You mean Spence and John, that John?" Josh cracked up. "Ya" Brandon sheepishly answered as he cracked a smile as well. "Fuck me! I always suspected that dude was gay!" Josh exclaimed. "Well, he hates me now" Brandon explained. "Why?" asked Josh. "Like I said, he wanted to be my boyfriend and I felt abandoned so I almost said yes. But then I told him I was still with you and he blew up! I haven't seen or talked to him since" Brandon relayed. "Shit, I'm sorry you felt abandoned... I knew you were probably feeling lonely at least. I was just too stupid to do something about it!" Josh apologized. "You know Josh, if we're together now. Nothing else matters, right?" Brandon suggested. "Ya, nothing else matters... it's just you and me!" Josh agreed. "Say Josh, let's change our agreement and not sleep with anyone else, even the stuff short of fucking" Brandon suggested. "Absolutely dude! It's just you and me" Josh reassured him. They embraced and rolled over on the sofa. Brandon slid his hands under Josh's t-shirt. Brandon remembered how good it felt to rub his hand across Josh's taught muscles. His firm abs and chiseled pecs were irresistible. Josh was enjoying running his hands down Brandon's trim sides and then grabbing and cupping his little bubble shaped ass. They helped each other in removing their shirts and felt the warmth of each other's skin as Brandon's body resumed its position lying atop Josh's. They started kissing again. Slowly and methodically they took turns exploring the other's mouth with their tongues. Brandon began kissing and licking Josh's cheek towards his ear. The softness of Brandon's lips grazed Josh's thin whiskers as Josh lifted a hand to stroke the back of Brandon's head. Brandon's hair, which was in bad need of a trim lay around Josh's face and onto his neck and shoulders. "I love you!" Brandon murmured in between his other affections. "I love you too sweetie! And I'll love you forever and ever" Josh replied. Josh reached around and worked his hand between them. Brandon instinctively knew where he was heading and slightly raised his body to allow Josh access. Josh enjoyed the feel of Brandon's flat belly and followed it down into the waistband of his shorts. Brandon sucked his gut in slightly to allow Josh to slide his hand into his shorts. He shuddered as Josh encircled his rock hard cock with his hand. Josh stroked Brandon's shaft and Brandon began pumping his hips towards Josh. Josh quickly unbuttoned his shorts and with Brandon's assistance, slid his shorts and underwear down his legs. Josh's hand once again found its prize and continued to stroke it. "Aaah!" Brandon moaned as his sexual tension increased. Brandon began sliding his hand up the leg of Josh's shorts and realized that the he wasn't going to have the access he desired, so he reached for the waistband. Josh realized what he wanted and wanting the same thing, unbuttoned his shorts and pulled them off. Now with nothing between them, they ground their rock hard penises into one another as if they were trying to make them one. Brandon began to kiss down to Josh's neck and then his chest. Brandon always loved burying his face into the muscles of Josh's chest while Josh would lightly stoke his hair and neck. Brandon continued farther south until he reached Josh's belly button and the light treasure trail of hair that would lead him the rest of the way to his prize. Brandon's chin hit his penis first and Josh trembled with anticipation for what was about to come! Brandon's tongue ran up over the head and then down the shaft of Josh's cock as he softly massaged his balls. Then Brandon moved his hand up and his fingers encircled Josh's pole. Lifting it slightly, he slid it into his mouth and bathed it with his loving tongue. "Oh Fuck!" Josh groaned as his cock was received by Brandon's warm lips. He pumped his hips toward Brandon's willing mouth. Brandon's tongue encircled Josh's dick and licked the underside of its head. "Dude, that's so hot!" Josh panted as Brandon dutifully stayed on task. After only a few more minutes, Josh was ready to blow his load. He grabbed Brandon's head tightly as he bobbed up and down his shaft. His hips met Brandon's face just as Josh exploded. Shot after shot of hot spunk shot from Josh's cock directly into the back of Brandon's throat where he eagerly consumed every drop. Josh had almost gotten away from him once, now he wasn't going to let any part of him go... even his cum. Josh went limp and crashed back onto his pillow. It had been one of the most powerful orgasms of his life. He took a moment to calm down and think about this incredible blow job he had just received. He and Brandon had done this countless time before, but this time was so incredibly special. He realized that his relationship with Brandon had reached another milestone. At first they were mesmerized by each others beauty and the novelty and freshness of their budding affection. Then, their youthful passion took over and they enjoyed each others company and sexual pleasures. But now, a deeper meaning was applied to everything. His love for Brandon would make even the most mundane experience special if he was with him. Brandon slid up and looked in Josh's eyes and could tell he was in deep thought. As they peered into each other's souls, they knew they both felt the same way and that everything from this point forward would be different. There was now an unconditional love that transcended just being `boyfriends'. =============== Ryan awoke about 3:30am Tuesday morning in his room at the Officer's Quarters on NAS Whiting Field. He pulled the iron out of the closet to touch up the press on the shirt of his khaki uniform, before putting in on and buttoning it up. He took one last look in the mirror before heading out into the warm humid air of a pre- dawn Florida morning. Ryan needed to get to the Ready Room to get it ready for the 0500 flight briefs and then he would pass the squadron duty to his relief at 0600. He turned on all of the lights and began copying the flight schedule off of a sheet of paper onto the large white board behind the Flight Duty Officer's desk. This was the visual play-board of the squadron's daily flights. By the end of the day it will have been altered many times with different color markers delineating flight changes, crew changes, cancellations and additions. Ryan called maintenance and got the aircraft assignments for the first launch at 0630. He wrote the assigned aircraft numbers up on the board next to each flight. Student Naval Aviators began arriving in the Ready Room to prepare for their flight briefs and Ryan filled the large coffee urn with coffee and water. "I'm helping defend the nation by keeping the coffee flowing!" he joked to himself. "Hey dude!" Nick greeted Ryan. "Seems like you're always in here anymore, what gives?" he questioned. "Ya... If you give the duty to the grounded pilot it doesn't fuck up the flight schedule!" Ryan sulked as he reasoned. "So when do you get the word?" asked Nick. "I meet with the CO at 1400 today" Ryan relayed. "Well good luck dude! I wanna be back up in the air with you again soon!" Nick encouraged him. "Thanks dude!" Ryan agreed. About an hour later, both the Flight Duty Officer, LT Johnson, and the oncoming Squadron Duty Officer, Ensign Roberts, arrived and Ryan gave them the pass- down briefing before standing relieved. Now Ryan had eight hours before the meeting that would determine the rest of his Navy career. He decided to go down to his apartment in Pensacola. He could get a freshly cleaned and pressed uniform and even take a nap, since he got so little sleep the night before. He enjoyed the warm August morning as he walked to his Honda parked out front. He glanced through the chain link fence at the flight line. The first T-34's were firing up for the dawn launch and the sound of propellers knifing the air filled the sky. "Shit, if they kick me out, I'm really gonna miss all this" he reflected. =============== As the dawn sun shown through the window, Brandon scooted closer and pressed his body towards Josh's chest. Josh, still mostly sleeping, enveloped Brandon and pulled him closer into his embrace. Brandon smiled and sighed. Life was good again. Their heart beats melded as the contact of their skin warmed each other An hour or so later, Josh rolled over and turned on the television to watch some news. Brandon buried his face into Josh's chest and went back to sleep. "Expect highs in the Pensacola area to reach 90 degrees this afternoon with scattered thundershowers" the weathercaster announced. "Another hot and sticky one" Josh thought as he pictured himself sweating in the cockpit again that afternoon. Josh once again snuggled into Brandon's sleeping body. He was as happy as he had been all summer, here... warm in bed with his lover blissfully resting in his arms. He lowered his head to take a deep breath of Brandon's scent. "God he smells good!" Josh thought to himself. "I will never forget that smell" he vowed. "No matter where I am, it will always remind me of Brandon." Josh changed the channel. An advertisement came onto the screen showing the sugar white sands of the local beaches lining the Gulf of Mexico. It announced the National Beach Volleyball championships to be held at the Flori-Bama that weekend. The Flori-Bama was a large beach bar complex that sat right where the Alabama-Florida state line crossed the beach. It was a favorite location for parties, concerts, and sporting events. "That looks fun!" Josh thought. "Wanna go to the beach this weekend?" said Josh. Brandon was still sleeping and didn't respond. "I'll let you sleep a little longer sweetie" smiled Josh as he leaned down and kissed his head. =============== Ryan paced the hallway outside the Commanding Officer's office Tuesday afternoon. "What if he fucking kicks me out!!" Ryan agonized to himself. "I guess I'll have to go home to Rancho Cucamonga, cuz I don't have anywhere else to go" he reasoned. He thought about his car payment... "How am I gonna fucking pay for the car?" He stressed himself further. "Sir, the Commanding Officer will see you now" the yeoman announced. "Thank you petty officer" Ryan replied and he forced himself to walk towards CDR Richardson's office. The yeoman opened the door for him and closed it behind him. Ryan walked up in front of the Commander, seated at his desk and stood at attention. "Good afternoon Sir, Ensign Young reporting as ordered" Ryan announced. "Good afternoon Ensign" the Commander began... "Take a seat." Ryan uneasily sat down, but stayed at the front of his chair. "Ensign, I have been troubled by this situation ever since your training jacket was dropped on my desk a couple weeks ago. In this jacket I read about a gifted aviator, but then there is this heinous incident of you causing an aircraft to depart controlled flight and not recovering it. What do you have to say about this?" CDR Richardson questioned. "I was flustered by the formation, but I would have recovered the aircraft Sir... I was still well above the hard-deck, I had plenty of time" Ryan defended himself. "Is that the procedure?... To sit there and `un-fluster' yourself while the aircraft falls out of the sky and you lose a couple of thousand feet of altitude?" The CO sounded annoyed. "No Sir, absolutely not. I screwed up! I should have never lost control of the aircraft much less delayed the recovery. I lost my composure, but I was not disoriented. I was aware of the situation and the necessary actions I needed to take. Please believe me when I tell you that I would have recovered the aircraft" Ryan pled his case again. CDR Richardson picked up Ryan's training jacket and opened it as he leaned back in his chair to read from it. He reviewed page after page as Ryan sat and looked at him, looked at the ceiling, looked at the floor. "What the fuck is he doing? I'll bet he's already read every page in there!" Ryan agonized silently. "Ensign... I am charged with preparing young pilots for service in the fleet. But even more importantly, I am responsible for making sure that the pilots we train are safe, not only here, but that they have learned safe flying techniques that they will use their entire careers" the Commander paused as he looked sternly at Ryan. "That's it!... he's kicking me out on a safety violation" Ryan lamented. "I can't even fault him for that. I was unsafe. I put equipment and lives in danger" Ryan concluded. The Commander looked up from his reading again and spoke... "Ensign, when you are up in the air, you bring three bags with you in which to draw from... Experience, Training, and Luck. We need to make sure that your `Training' bag has as much in it as possible so that you can draw from it until you fill your `Experience' bag up." Once again the Commanding Officer paused. "I was once a young aviator as well" CDR Richardson stated rhetorically. "I know that things do not always go as planned in the cockpit. I am just concerned that you might get into a situation where you do not have enough Experience or Training to draw from and when you reach into your `Luck' bag there isn't anything there because you've already used it all up!" Ryan sat and pondered the Commander's analogy. He was a young inexperienced aviator and he realized the CO was telling him that he had even less room to screw up than other pilots because he didn't have the Experience, Training or Luck to get him out of it. "I think you have shown great promise in this program Ensign" CDR Richardson began. "And I am not going to drop you for this incident." Ryan suddenly breathed a deep sigh of relief at these words. "But I am going to need to see a commitment above and beyond your peers as you continue through training. Hopefully, you have learned a valuable lesson from this incident and you will remember it for the rest of your flying career." "Absolutely! I have sir. Thank you sir. You won't be disappointed." Ryan rambled his gratitude to the CO. Ryan was then dismissed and he went out to the Ready Room and found a sofa to sit down on and unwind. Ryan had spent so much time in the past two weeks planning his life for when he got kicked out of the Navy that he wasn't really sure what to think right now. Was he disappointed that he was still in flight school? Of course not! But he had this overwhelming feeling of inadequacy. If he had been thrown out of the Navy, he suddenly would have no responsibilities. But now, not only was he once again faced with the ominous task of flight school, now it would be more difficult than ever. "Hell, the CO said himself that I would need to perform at a level above my peers!" Ryan fretted. As much as he wanted this... having been kicked out would be almost be a relief right now. "No! I can't think like that! I gotta buck up and do what I gotta do to make this work!" Ryan reasoned. "Hey dude!" a voice interrupted Ryan's introspective moment. Ryan looked up. It was Brad. Brad was not one of Ryan's favorite people. He appreciated how Josh related to some of these guys better than he did, especially a hard-core Marine like Brad. "So what's the word dude? I heard that you were meeting with the CO!" Brad probed. "I'm part of the class again!" Ryan replied with limited enthusiasm. "Shit hot dude! I can't wait to fly with you again!" Brad encouraged. As Brad went back to the duty desk to get his aircraft assignment for his next flight, Ryan thought about Brad's reaction and believed that Brad genuinely was excited to have Ryan back on the flight roster. "I guess Brad really is a good guy" Ryan considered. "Brad is just a lot more of a team player than I am." Ryan reflected back to a conversation that he had with Josh a while back where they had both described their feeling of being alone while amongst a group of Naval Officers. But, as much as Ryan and Josh were invited and welcomed into the brethren, they still felt like outsiders because they had to hide a fundamental portion of their personalities. =============== Josh answered his door and greeted Ryan with a hug as he pulled him into his apartment. "God, when you called me and told me you were back on the flight page I was ecstatic. That is so fuckin cool dude!" Josh congratulated. "Hell, you were the one who told me all along not to worry about it... and now ur telling me that you had some doubt?!" Ryan teased. "Shit, we both know that this coulda been a lot uglier. But, I'm really excited about the outcome" Josh confided. "Ya, thanks for being so supportive, Bud. I know I could have never gotten through this without your support and coaching" Ryan said appreciatively as he once again pulled Josh into a hug. Josh became uncomfortable and pulled away, suggesting that they go out for dinner. Ryan didn't make much of it, just figuring that Josh didn't want to dwell on the unpleasantness of Ryan's recent dilemma. They dropped Ryan's car at his apartment on the way to eat dinner at McGuire's Irish Pub where Josh knew that they would have a good time drinking and singing along with the piano player. Josh also figured that their public location would preclude any intimacy between them while Josh figured out how he was going to break it to Ryan that he wanted to just be with Brandon. "Oh Danny Boy, Oh Danny Boy, I love you so!" Josh and Ryan sang along with the pub crowd. They were getting a little drunk and Ryan had his arm up around Josh's shoulder. Josh felt good that he was here for his friend at a crucial moment in his life. He also felt like he was staying true to Brandon by not falling into bed with this guy whom he was extremely attracted to. At the end of the evening, Josh realized that it was not the correct atmosphere to break the news to Ryan and he thought that maybe that was ok. He didn't necessarily need to end it the same day that Ryan had already endured some pretty serious stress. Besides, Ryan was drunk now, and wouldn't be completely able to absorb what Josh was telling him anyway Josh managed to drop Ryan at his own apartment without any kissing goodnight or other affections. Ryan was in a really good mood after being reinstated as a pilot and a fun evening drinking with Josh, so he didn't even notice that Josh was being a bit standoffish. Josh figured that his conversation with Ryan could wait until tomorrow. Josh missed Ryan completely on Wednesday as he was on the flight schedule and Ryan had two simulator events to get him back up to speed on procedures after his long absence from the cockpit. Josh realized that he could go seek Ryan out, but decided not to. He considered that perhaps he might be trying to avoid Ryan, but decided that he really was on a different part of the base and legitimately probably just wouldn't run into him today. Thursday morning, Josh did run into Ryan in the ready room. "Shit dude, I've missed ya!" Ryan lamented. "Ya, sorry..." Josh began "I've been hangin with Brandon." "Ya, after all the time you've been spending with me on my problems, you probably haven't seen him much. Shit... I haven't seen him much" Ryan realized. "Maybe we should all hangout together" Ryan suggested. That wasn't exactly what Josh had in mind, so he awkwardly changed the subject, "So, are you flying formation today?" "Na... I got a `back in the saddle' hop first. I will be back to flying formation tomorrow" Ryan explained. "What are you up for?" he questioned. "I gotta couple R-Navs today. We're doin an out-and- in to Memphis for lunch" said Josh. "Cool. Maybe we could get together after work and hang out" Ryan suggested hopefully. Josh considered this and suggested that they go to the gym together after their flights. He realized that he needed to confront the issue between them but just couldn't build up the courage. So the gym really was just another stall tactic. Ryan was done much earlier than Josh that afternoon and was in the ready room studying flight procedures by the time Josh returned from Memphis. "How were ur flights dude?" Ryan greeted. "Great! I couldn't really check out the city from the air, but it looks like a cool place... I'd like to go visit sometime" replied Josh. "Well how was the air station?" asked Ryan. "Just like every other Naval Air Station!" laughed Josh. They went to the gym on base and into the locker room to change into workout gear. Josh hadn't thought of this aspect of his suggestion to work out. He was trying to avoid provocative situations with Ryan and seeing Ryan take off his flight suit and stand there in only his boxers was a little too stimulating. Josh hated himself as his dick started to firm up as he enjoyed the body of his soon-to-be `ex' boyfriend. "You should keep that under control in here!" Ryan joked as he checked out Josh's elongating package in his tight briefs. "Fuck, I'm sorry" Josh said embarrassed. "Don't worry bout it bud!" Ryan chuckled as he punched Josh in the arm. After some brief stretching, they proceeded to the free-weight room. Josh laid down on the bench while Ryan loaded up the bar with 240 pounds. Ryan stood right above Josh's head ready to spot his bench press. "What the fuck was I thinking?" Josh lamented to himself as he looked at Ryan's bulge poking out right above his face. "I just wanted to delay having to break-up with Ryan, and here I am lusting after him... The gym was a bad idea!" he decided. Josh and Ryan traded back and forth lifting and spotting through several different exercises. Josh found himself admiring the curves of Ryan's well defined arms as well. "Am I distracting you?" Ryan mused, enjoying Josh's attention to his body. "Sorry dude" Josh once again apologized for being caught looking. "Don't be" replied Ryan. Josh suggested showering at home instead of the gym, because he decided he just couldn't handle seeing the shower water pouring down Ryan's naked body without popping a total woody. They climbed into their respective vehicles and drove to Josh's apartment. Josh figured if he drove really fast, he could be showered before Ryan got there. He crossed Pensacola bay at almost 100 mph and left Ryan in his dust. Josh text Brandon to explain that he needed tonight in order to explain things to Ryan. Brandon gave him the go-ahead knowing that as soon as Josh confronted this issue, he would really have Josh back... all to himself. Ryan arrived when Josh was still in his underwear after drying off from his shower. Josh let Ryan in and Ryan jeered "oooooh, hottie in his briefs, ready to go!" "Ya, ya, ya... simmer down boy!" Josh replied. "Fuck, I thought I drive fast... how long have you been here?" questioned Ryan. "Not long... you can go take a shower if you want" Josh suggested. Soon, they rejoined in the living room. Ryan had put on shorts and a t-shirt from his stash of clothing that he always left at Josh's. They enjoyed each others company, relating the events of their days. Ryan had flown a refresher hop where he re-familiarized himself with the procedures of taking an aircraft into the operating area and back. His instructor had him perform aerobatic maneuvers; he handled a couple of random simulated emergencies, and then landed the plane multiple times. Ryan was very happy to be back in the cockpit and was comfortable and confident. He was ready to begin flying formation, the stage that had given him so much trouble, the next day. Josh was happy to hear that Ryan was re- acclimating to the cockpit. Now he had his gay, Navy pilot buddy back in the air with him! Josh, on the other hand, had flown to Memphis for lunch. He thought that navigation hops like this were kind of boring compared to formation and aerobatics, but he loved flying to other cities. The instructors told him that later in his training, he would combine exciting training flights such as dog fighting or bombing with cross-country trips to other cities. This excited him and once again he couldn't wait to get on with his career. "That flight sounds like it was fun" said Ryan after Josh relayed the details of his trip to Tennessee. "I love this shit... our buddies are flying every direction every day. We've got planes all over the fuckin place!" Ryan said excitedly. "Ya, I think its cool too. Looking at the `Big Board' in the ready room is like being at O'Hare, with planes taking off and going to all kinds of places!" Josh agreed. They ordered a pizza and then popped a couple of beers. "God, I haven't hung with you in a while!" exclaimed Ryan as he settled onto the sofa with his beer. "Ya, with you havin duty all the time and me bein on a cross country, I haven't seen you or Brandon much lately" observed Josh. "Shit! How is Brandon? I haven't seen him in forever!" We should all get together again... maybe you should invite him over" Ryan suggested. "Let's just hang out you and me tonight, I'd like to talk to ya" replied Josh. "Sure, ok... that's cool" said Ryan. Ryan sat next to Josh and then Josh got up to use the bathroom. When he returned, he sat in one of the other chairs. When Ryan made sexually suggestive comments, Josh got uncomfortable and shrugged them off. When Ryan again suggested that he, Josh and Brandon get together to hang and have some fun, Josh indicated that it wasn't such a great idea. "Is there something wrong?" Ryan finally asked Josh as he looked him in the eye. Josh looked at the floor and did not answer him. "I know something's wrong Josh... I've felt it for a few days, and now you can't even look at me" Ryan said to Josh in a quiet sad voice. Josh sat for another moment collecting his thoughts before he began. "You mean so much to me Ryan that I can't even bear the thought of hurting you" Josh said with his lip trembling. "What's wrong Josh? Hurt me, you're not hurting me" Ryan replied confused. "I love you Ryan... I really do, but my relationship with Brandon is so special that I have to go back to just Brandon" Josh blurted out crying. Those words cut through Ryan like a knife. For so long, he had expected just this... Josh and Brandon deciding that having sex with him was fun, but not really wanting it to be any more than that. But now, he was finally becoming comfortable that Josh and Brandon were happy to include him. Now this just hurt. "I'm sorry!" Josh pleaded. Ryan just sat there and stared into space as he contemplated what this meant. It meant no longer being able to come over and enjoy an evening with his little cutie, Brandon. It meant that he no longer had his Navy boyfriend that made him feel like he really belonged in a squadron full of guys that were just a lot different than him. It meant he was alone again. Alone. That was a scary concept to Ryan. He was excited to be reinstated as a pilot, but he had a lot of hard work ahead of him... hard work that he had expected his boyfriend to help him through, but now he was alone again. "Maybe it just would have been better if I had gotten sent back to Rancho Cucamonga. At least there I have people that love me" Ryan pouted to himself. "Say something Ryan" Josh requested expectantly. "Let me know that you don't hate me!" Ryan sat silently for another moment before speaking. "Fuck dude, If you guys felt that way, it would have been nice if you told me bout it!" Ryan reacted. "No dude, we just decided this... It's not you, it's us... We love you, both of us!" Josh implored. "Shit, that's the oldest `break-up' line in the book!" Ryan scoffed. "It's us, not you! What kinda crap is that!" Ryan fumed. "That didn't come out right Ryan. What I meant was that Brandon and I love you as much as we ever did, really! But, what we lost between the two of us when we added you to the relationship was more than we were willing to lose" Josh explained. "I'm not sure if that makes it any better!" Ryan replied. "I only wish we would have just kept as friends in the first place. Then I wouldn't feel the way I do right now!" he continued. Ryan sat and pondered as they were both silent for a minute. "This just sucks!" Ryan ranted. "We still want to hang with you and be your friend, if you still want to. Nothing has to change except the relationship stuff" Josh said hopefully. "Josh ..." Ryan said slowly "this changes everything." Ryan too now teared up and lightly sobbed to himself. The sight of Ryan this distraught was too much for Josh to handle and he moved onto the sofa to hug him. Ryan accepted the gesture and cried on his shoulder as Josh's arms wrapped him in an embrace that brought back some of the security he had felt in the relationship with Josh and Brandon. "You know, I never really expected this would last" Ryan eventually stated. "What you have with Brandon is so perfect. I mean that dude worships the ground you walk on Josh! I was just an intruder from the beginning" Ryan reasoned. "No! You weren't an intruder!" Josh insisted. "We opened our hearts to you and were happy for it. But now... we just gotta go back to what we had before" Josh said in a regretful tone. "As disappointed as I am, I guess I understand" Ryan concluded. "It will be good to see my friends as a happy couple again" said Ryan. "Thank you Ryan. Brandon's my boyfriend, but you are my best friend" Josh replied sincerely with a smile. ------------------------------------- Tbax93722@hotmail.com