Date: Thu, 2 Apr 2009 22:54:58 -0700 (PDT) From: Noone Special Subject: Portraits of a Boy 3 The following is a story of complete fiction. All characters, places and events are not intended to represent any actual person, place or event. My jaw dropped as he recoiled. The words echoed in the empty kitchen. He closed his eyes as the hurt filled the void left by the shock. "Doug, I--I didn't mean--I'm sorry, it just--" He turned and walked away without a word. The door slammed behind him, rousing me from my stupor. I rushed to chase him, the door slamming into the wall as I threw it open. "Doug--Dad! Wait, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it!" The tires squealed as the car sped away. I fell to my knees, the tears streaming down my cheeks. "Dad--wait," I whimpered, watching the taillights vanish as he turned the corner. The dew from the grass soaked through my jeans, and I finally regained a little bit of my senses. I looked around, thankful to see that only the Johnson's mutt had witnessed my little emotional display. I sprinted back inside, closing and collapsing against the door, my crying beginning in earnest. I'm not sure how long I sat there, sobbing weakly into my knees, before I thought to try his cellphone. Dashing through the empty house, I almost slipped no the linoleum as I grabbed the phone from its hanger. I barely remember dialing the numbers, only the faint echo of his ring tone coming from the other room. I clutched the receiver to my chest, again sliding to the floor. I never made a conscious decision to dial the second number, my fingers just move on their own. Lying on my side, I somehow managed to hold the phone to my hear, despite the sobs wracking my body. "Y-ello," the familiar voice answered. He'd been laughing, and I could hear music and chater in the background. "V-Vi-Vic," I quaked, and I could almost hear the change in his mood over the line. "Jimmy?" His voice narrowed, his jovial air vanishing and an angry calmness filling the void. "Jimmy, what happened? Where are you?" "I-I'm at home. Doug-I-we--" "Hold up just a second Jimmy." I continued crying and listening to the line. I heard the background noise change, and then the slam of a car door. The engine started, and Vic's voice returned. "I'm on my way there now, I'll be there in five minutes. Tell me what happened." "We-we had a fight and I-I--" I trailed off, my crying increasing at the memory of my sin. "Where is Doug? Did he hurt you, Jimmy?" "No!" My voice was surprisingly firm at that, though the quivering returned quickly. "H-he drove off, I-I don't know where he went. I-he hates me!" "Jimmy, there is no way in hell that Doug hates you. Tell me what happened. What were you fighting about?" His voice and words were surprisingly comforting, and I managed to compose myself a little. "I-I wanted to buy a Wii, but he said-he said he wasn't going to waste his money on it. I told him I'd pay for it myself, but he-he wouldn't let me! We started arguing, and then we were yelling, and then--and then I--" I trailed off, unable to repeat my ultimate crime. "Jimmy, I'm pulling onto your street now. I'm going to hang up, but I'll see you in just a second, okay?" "Y-yeah." The line went dead, and I heard the car pull up outside almost simultaneously. Getting to my unstable feet, I stood in the kitchen door frame as he staggered inside. He was sober, just clumsy in his haste. Almost as soon as I saw him, my tears broke again, and I raced forward, almost tackling him as I wrapped my arms around his gut. He stumbled but regained his balance, closing the door behind him. He tried to kneel to get down to my level, but I was holding on to him too tight for that. After a brief, awkward period of not being sure what to do, the young man finally just patted me comfortingly on my shoulder with one hand, cupping my head and rubbing my scalp with the other. He held me calmly, waiting patiently for me to settle down. "You want to finish telling me what happened, little man?" I pulled back, wiping my eyes as he led me further inside my own home. He sat down on the couch, pulling me into his lap. "We were arguing, and I just got so mad, and then it just slipped out," I whispered. "I didn't mean to say it. He--when I said it--he looked so hurt. I-I didn't think--I've never seen him--" "What did you say, Jimmy?" My eyes went to the floor. I didn't want to repeat it. "Jimmy, I can't help if I don't know what happened." "I said--I said 'you're not my real dad, you're just some pervert.'" I turned away. I couldn't watch Vic's reaction. "God I envy you, Jimmy." I turned at him, shocked and horrified at his response. "I dropped that nuke when I was nine. Well, the pervert part, at least. My dad is my real dad, but yeah. I just wanted new shoes. My dad smacked me. He apologized afterwards, of course." "I--but, it's not the same!" I insisted. "Doug is--he's not, I mean--" "It's not the same, but it also is," he interrupted, giving me a look. "Dad is a bit of a jerk, and he really is a pervert. I mean, he's my dad, and we love each other and all, but you and I know that me and dad have a different kind of relationship than you and Doug. I bet this is the first fight you two have had in months, isn't it?" I nodded weakly. "When I was your age, me and dad were constantly going at it over every little thing. I got a news flash for you, buddy. You're what, eleven now? Almost twelve? Welcome to adolescence. You're going to say and do stupid things, things that you're going to regret. This is one of those things." "But Doug--" "Doug knows you didn't mean it. Kid's say stuff they don't mean all the time, especially when they're pissed. Doug knows you better than you know you; chances are he's even been expecting this to happen." "No, his face, you didn't see his face! He hates me!" Vic actually laughed at that. "Trust me, Jimmy. Doug couldn't hate you if he tried. If I know Doug half as well as I think I do, he's probably drowning himself in a bar somewhere. He'll get good and drunk, then catch a cab home. He'll pass out, and come morning, you'll apologize again, you two will fuck, and all will be forgiven." I frowned, not completely believing his reassurances. "At least you have something to look forward to tomorrow," the nineteen year old chuckled, ruffling my hair. Make-up sex is awesome, just ask Tommy. Every once in a while he picks a fight with me just to get me to fuck his brains out." I laughed at that, and Vic kissed me on the cheek. I didn't allow my amusement to linger; I didn't deserve to be happy right now, but as always, Vic saw right through me. "Stop that. You need to stop being so hard on yourself, Jimmy. Trust me on this, I know what I'm talking about. Everything is going to be fine." "You promise?" "Yeah, Jimmy, I promise." He held me lovingly on the couch for quite a while. After a pleasant eternity, his phone rang. "That's probably Tommy. I kinda ran out on him like a virgin at an orgy after I got your call, and he's probably wondering what the fuck is going on." "Go ahead," I sanctioned, wriggling off his lap and onto the couch beside him. "Sorry if I, uh, interrupted something." Chuckling, Vic pulled his phone out of his pants and flipped it open with, answering with another "Y-ello." I could faintly hear his boyfriend's voice, but couldn't make out the words, sticking me with only Vic's side of the conversation. "Yeah, sorry about that . . . No, he's okay, him and Doug just had a little lover's spat," he looked at me, grinning an apology at the simplification of my troubles. "Yeah, I'm going to stick around for a little while longer, then I'll head back. Uh-huh. Love you too. See you soon." He flipped the phone shut, slinging his arm back over my shoulder. "So when's the wedding?" I teased, bursting into giggles as I failed my attempt to escape, leaving me to fend off his assault. After deciding he'd tickled enough of a vengeance, he released me, and I nearly fell to the floor. "You going to be okay on your own now?" He inquired. "I--yeah. Thanks." He got to his feet, patting me on the head as I followed him to the door. "Just have one last piece of advice. Get some sleep, it's late." "But I--" He cut off my protests with an impatient glare. "It's not going to do either of you two any good to have you stay up all night. If you still want to wait for him, wait for him in his bed. Got it?" "But!" His stare was persistent, and I relented. "Okay, fine." "Good boy!" he praised, patting my head like a dog, which earned him another angry glare. "Tell you what. If it will make you feel better, I'll go look for him. I've got a pretty good idea where he might have gone to mope." I finally felt a bit of hope. "You promise?" He shrugged. "Yeah, sure, why not. I broke about fifteen traffic laws getting here, but I see no reason to rush back to school. Tommy's on the rag anyway." I giggled, though I didn't really understand the joke. "Um, Vic? Thanks for--I mean--" "Don't sweat it little buddy. I told you before, anytime, day or night, although one of these days I might have to cash in my chips," he smirked, goosing me. In my time honored tradition, my face turned red and my eyes went straight to the ground. Despite that, I still managed to whisper "Anytime." He slid into his crookedly parked car, slamming the door and waving me a mock salute before driving off. I stood in the door frame for a moment, watching until his taillights vanished, following the same path Doug had taken not long before. I decided to honor my promise to at least try to get some sleep. Checking to make sure that the spare key was properly in place, I locked the front door and staggered upstairs, making my way to my room. I stopped when I passed the door to Doug's room and, making my mind up on the spot, slipped inside, heading for his over sized bed. I have no idea how I saw it in the nearly pitch-black room and with the closet door barely even cracked open. Perhaps I didn't. Perhaps I simply walked to the closet with nothing more than a gut feeling, and yet I found what I knew I'd find. A white box turned nearly gray by the ambiance, the lettering confirming my suspicion. Renewed tears built up in my eyes as I realized exactly why he'd refused, exactly why he'd been so adamant in his argument. He'd known before I'd even asked, and in return for his gesture of love I'd hurt him in a way so deeply it made me wish I'd never come into his life, that he'd never been burdened with me. I collapsed to the floor, eventually sobbing myself to sleep. ------- I awoke encircled in a pair of strong, familiar arms. I was being carried, a loving paw gently rubbing my back. "Doug?" I yawned happily, and then the realities of the waking world washed over me and my sin returned to memory. Pushing back to look the more-than- slightly-inebriated man in the eye, my eyes nearly resumed their waterworks. "Doug, I swear I didn't mean it, it just slipped out! I'm so sorry, I'm so stupid! I--" "Jimmy, stop." My jaw slammed shut. I meekly waited for my scolding. "What you said hurt me. More than I thought it would. You're forgiven." I recoiled in shock, almost breaking his grip on me. He chuckled, silencing me with a kiss before I'd gotten out more than "But--" It took me a minute to match his passion. In the depths of my despair I'd feared I'd never taste his lips again. I didn't even mind the not-quite-faint taste of whiskey. He finally pulled back, grinning at me in a happy, drunken stupor. "I see you've found your birthday present." That almost set me off again. "Doug, I'm so sorry. I didn't know, I didn't think, I--" He sat on the bed, allowing him to silence me with a finger on my lips. "Stop apologizing, Jimmy. If anything, I'm the one who should be sorry. Vic told me how you took it when I stormed out of here. You know I'd never abandon you, right? I couldn't even if I tried." I wiped my tears on my wrist. "I know, I just--" I trailed off, and Doug kissed me on the forehead. "Let's just pretend the whole thing never happened, okay, Jimmy?" I nodded eagerly. It was the best resolution I could have hoped for. Well, almost. "Um, but before we forget about it," I whispered, blushing and unable to maintain eye contact as I slid my hand under his shirt. His eyes dilated a bit in surprise, and he burst into laughter.