The Director's Office
I hadn't realized just how significant what happened between Randy and me until the Director of the school had me called out of literature class to go to his office. I was disappointed, we were actually reading a book I felt I could relate to – it was about a father who abandons his son and comes back into his life to make it up to him.
I was scared to death when I walked up the steep stairs to the administration building. One of the student assistants held the door open for me and directed me to the office. It wasn't so much the man that scared me but the situation. I stopped in my tracks and stared into the all glass office to see Randy, Todd, and the director all sitting together in the office.
"They're waiting for you," the assistant said. His demeanor made it feel like I was in trouble. I wanted to run but there was no where to go – I couldn't call my dad to come get me and save me from the mean Principal. All I could do was face the music – I had to have done something wrong, and as I walked closer to the office and all eyes were on me, I knew what it was.
"Nicholas," the director began, his hands shaped like a pyramid, finger tips touching each other gently. "We have to talk about your mentor and peer assignments."
I stared down at the floor because I could see that Randy was avoiding making eye contact with me at all costs. Todd just seemed sad – he had this furrowed expression on his face that made him seem blue. As I looked up at the director and glanced back at his son, I saw their similarities; suddenly, there was something beautiful about the director, whom I didn't think was all that good-looking. In fact, he was probably the ugliest (if there was anyone who was ugly) in this entire school. But knowing that he was Todd's father, and knowing Todd's gentle, peaceful, and innocent demeanor helped my heart to slow and my breaths to go deeper into my chest as I was sure I was going to be in serious trouble.
"It wasn't his fault, I promise!" That was how I started, looking over at Randy whose gaze met mine for a second. I could tell he had a tear in his eye and then both our gazes shot away from each other.
"No, son," the director continued, staring down Randy. "It was his fault. You see, he is your mentor and it is his job to guide you the correct way." Then, the director paused and stood up. He flicked off one set of lights and pulled a screen down on the opposite wall. On the table was a projector.
The next thing I saw was a series of pictures, all of the director himself. Pictures from the time he arrived to the school to the present. As he went through the pictures, he explained how he had gone to this school himself and had a good mentor who taught him about himself, love, sex, and true loyalty.
"Nicholas, I believe in this program. That is why I came back here to be the director of the school. Here we believe that boys need significant male influences who can share with them every element of growing up." He turned off the projector and returned to his desk.
At that point, he sat down at his desk and called Todd up to sit on his lap. "My son is the most important person to me; however, there are things I can't show him and I have to trust that his mentors will share the pleasures that his body offers him and how to love a man. Right, kiddo?" He tussled his boy's blonde hair and Todd giggled.
"Sir," I started. Randy shot me a death look, but I kept on for reasons unbeknownst to me. "I just don't get what this has to do withÉ"
"Listen, Nicholas: it is important to me that you develop through the program and become fully developed psychosexually, especially if you are going to be my son's partner and mentor." He asked Randy to step out and then continued. "I need to know what happened the other night. I need you to be completely honest with me."
I explained everything. I put all the blame on me and tried my best to let Randy off the hook. I told him I initiated it because I had all these feelings for Randy and that I wanted to touch his body.
"Why did you want to touch his body?" He asked.
"Because I wanted to share the pleasure my body felt with him. I really care about Randy and I really wanted us to share our bodies with each other." I was red with embarrassment yet I was completely honest. I told him about my eating Randy's cum and how I fingered his hole. I told him everything and he just sat back, Todd on his lap, and contemplated.
Motioning Randy to come in, we all sat looking at the director as he prepared to make a decision.
"Randy," he began. "What happened between the two of you, although not inappropriate for the program, happened too soon." Then he paused. "However, it is my belief that Nicholas is learning quickly and isn't confused about his feelings. Therefore, Randy: you will continue to be Nicholas's mentor; however, I am going to ask that you keep in close contact with Coach Vester so that you both may work together to differentiate your plan for this advanced young man."
I was confused, but Randy seemed happy. He was gleaming, smiling from ear to ear and was nodding his head in agreement to what the director said. "Now, as for Nicholas: you are going to be my son's mentor, okay?" He waited for my reaction. I smiled.
"I like being his mentor. He's a very sweet kid." Then, Todd and I shared a knowing gaze with each other – something I would later learn was sexual tension, but something at that point, I didn't completely understand.
"Good. I think you will be a great mentor for my son. This means; however, that you are going to have to be housed together."
In the end, it was decided that one of the boys who was currently housed in our suite would be moved to another room, housed with his twin brother. Apparently, the director said they avoided putting relatives together, but he was going to make an exception for us. Now, my room would be with Todd and Randy's room was be adjacent to ours and we would share a bathroom.
Although Randy and Todd both seemed content, I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing, so I decided to go to the only person I knew who could explain it to me – Alex.
When I got to Alex's room, he was fully dressed this time, actually heading out to go to his mentor training class, but he took a few minutes to sit with me. He could tell I was upset about something, but wasn't sure what it was.
"I don't get it" was how I began the discussion. Then, I went into all the details. Alex sat and listened like the great cousin he was when Sanjay walked into the room wearing only a cotton towel.
"Look, Nicky." He thought for a moment as Sanjay pulled down the towel and yanked out the uniform white briefs out of his draw and pulled them over his beautifully brown, smooth butt. "The director has chosen you to mentor his son because you are advanced," he said. "That rarely happens and you should be proud of yourself."
"Really? Advanced? What does that mean?"
"It means that you understand that sex isn't just sex, it is emotional." He paused. "How did you feel when you touched Randy?"
"I felt great. I mean, I was hard and all, but I just loved being able to feel the inside of him because IÉ"
"Love him?" Sanjay's attention was drawn at that point.
"IÉwellÉI don't know. I guess." I thought about it and didn't really understand what it meant. I mean, I loved my dad; I loved Alex. Was it the same or something different? I felt like Randy was like my dad – I loved him in the same way just that I felt even closer to him that I wanted to share everything with him.
Once I explained that to Alex and Sanjay, they both agreed that I was advanced. Alex left to get to class, but Sanjay, still wearing only his briefs, sat down next to me. "Love is something very special, Nicky. It is what I feel for your cousin. It isn't something that is common but it also isn't something that happens with you to only one person. You love many people in life. In fact, you may love Randy and Todd. You may even end up loving someone else the same way."
He paused to stand up and comb his hair in the mirror. I watched him half-naked and admired his tanned, toned body as he did. Then, he talked to me, our eyes meeting each other through the glass. "I love Alex a lot and he is the person I choose to live with, but I love Coach Vester the same as well as my own mentee. You see – love is something that most people don't quite understand at your age and the director was afraid that you were just enjoying the physical pleasure of sex. Now that he realizes you understand how deep love is and how emotional sex is, he trusts you to teach his son." He paused. "Get it?"
And I did get it, finally. I was special. I wasn't sure if it was because of the void I felt when my mom died and my father basically ignored me or if it was just something different about me, but it was a good thing that I felt the feelings I felt.