Shaw Island © Matt Caper

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mattcaperdrivel.wordpress.com

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Chapter 15

Disloyalty, Discoveries & Declarations

When Liam slowly trudged out of slumber Sunday morning, the day after St. Patrick's Day, he was as warm and content as ever, safe and secure in his lover's arms. In fact, they were so tangled together, it was like they'd melded together to form one body with two heads. They even seemed to have the same erection. His face was pressed against the flesh of Patrick's neck, and he began kissing it softly. Locating one of his own hands, draped over the other boy's body, he massaged up and down as far as he could reach. Then he found the strength to separate their bodies, pulling back a bit, so he could reach between them and massage a more sensitive area.

A groan reverberated against his skin, and he gripped harder to rouse his lover awake. He was going to make Patrick glad that they'd decided not to break up.

"Liam?"

Liam started, pulling away. That wasn't Patrick's voice he heard. "Colin! Holy crap, I thought you were Patrick!" Then he realized he'd never returned to Patrick's room, and now it was morning. "Oh noooo, I fell asleep in here," he moaned.

"Seems like you're always kissing me in my sleep," Colin's voice was husky, riddled with sleep frogs.

"Sorry." Liam rolled to his back, separating their bodies all together.

"This time I knew it was an accident. You wouldn't do it if you knew it was me."

Liam wasn't paying much attention to Colin's words. He was navigating his way from under the covers, over Colin, and off the bed. He had to go to Patrick. His heart was pounding, thinking of how mad Patrick might be. But when he found Patrick's bed empty, his fear level rose significantly. Patrick didn't seem to be anywhere in the guest house, in fact.

"Dang it!" Liam growled, and padded to the toilet. His morning glory didn't give him much pleasure just then. He was consumed with needing to find Patrick and apologize. He didn't even notice when Colin joined him in the bathroom until the older boy spoke.

"Need to jerk off again?" Colin's underpants were in the same tented condition as Liam's.

Liam shook his head rapidly and rinsed his hands. "I have to find Patrick. I hope he's not mad at me. I told him I would come back to bed last night, and I didn't."

"I'm sure he understands," Colin soothed.

Matthew entered the bathroom then, followed closely by Jeremiah, wiping the sleep from their eyes. "What time is it?" Matthew mumbled.

"Nearly eleven," Liam answered.

"I'm hungry," Jeremiah announced, as they squeezed past Colin and gathered at the toilet.

"Meet me at the house for lunch," said Liam. "I'm gonna hurry and find Patrick." He made quick work out of brushing his teeth and getting dressed, then rushed away and to the main house. He found his mother in the kitchen, graciously preparing lunch.

"I knew it wouldn't be long before you came around," said Jenny with a smile. "But where's your friends?"

"They're coming. Where's Patrick?" said Liam.

"I don't know. I haven't seen him all day."

"He's not in the house?" Liam asked worriedly.

"I don't believe so, but you're welcome to check."

He did check, running everywhere like a headless chicken, but to no avail. He returned to the kitchen bar, defeated, and plopped his chin in his hand, elbow on the bar. "He's not here," he muttered glumly.

"He and William are probably out somewhere together. Don't worry yourself about him. Focus your energies on your friends that are here," said Jenny. Liam gave her a questioning look while searching her face for meaning behind her comment, which he found rather odd. But she merely continued with her work, not even glancing at him.

As if on cue, three boys entered the front door. "Hi, Mrs. Reilly!" Jeremiah said brightly.

"Why, hello, Jeremiah. I didn't realize you were here. I hope you're keeping these boys in line?" Jenny smiled.

Jeremiah laughed. "Yes, ma'am. They let me stay all night with `em."

"How nice!" Jenny exclaimed. "You boys set the table. We're having breakfast for lunch." The luring smell of bacon, eggs and potatoes wafted to each of them, making their stomachs rumble.

After lunch, as the four boys lingered on the outside patio, Liam received a phone call and had a quick chat with Dr. Nate. Colin, especially, looked eager to learn what came of the call. Liam hung up and grinned.

"Wanna go to Dr. Nate's? He said he has a couple of free hours. He said all four of us can come. I mean, if that's okay with Colin."

Colin nodded definitively, knowing Liam was referring mainly to Jeremiah, even if Jeremiah didn't know it. "Jeremiah's cool. He's part of the group, too." Jeremiah's countenance couldn't have been brighter at that moment.]

Liam decided to forget about Patrick for the time being, like his mother had suggested, and enjoy being with his friends. Though the guilt he felt as they left for Indian Cove lingered relentlessly. Halfway there, Jeremiah complained of tired legs.

"Get on," Colin said simply. He'd paused and stooped down, and Jeremiah gleefully jumped on his back.

"Yay!" Jeremiah exclaimed.

"Holy shit, you're heavy," Colin grunted. "Oops, sorry."

Liam smiled when Colin blushed at his own words, though no one mentioned the slip-up. Colin carried Jeremiah as long as he possibly could, setting him on his feet when they'd nearly arrived. And soon four eager boys stood on Dr. Nate's porch, welcomed inside by Alex.

"Hi, Alex!" said Liam brightly. "These are my best friends; Colin, Matthew and Jeremiah," he pointed them all out, and Alex shook hands with each one.

"Come in, boys. I made some snickerdoodles, since I knew you were coming this time. Nathan's in the den with his books, as usual. Sit down, I'll serve the cookies." Alex disappeared, and the boys, excited about cookies, went in to greet Dr. Nate, who looked up from a text with a smile.

"Greetings, young masters. Please sit down. You're quite a motley crew." Nate put the tome away and folded his hands in his lap. "I'm very glad to see you two together as friends," he indicated Liam and Colin. "And I'm doubly glad you found a new home, Master Colin. How are you adjusting there, if I may ask?"

Colin smiled sheepishly. "Pretty good, sir, thank you. I mean, I'm pretty lucky to have a new family."

Nate nodded. "I think they're lucky to have you, too. If I may speak candidly, I regret not doing more to help you before. You deserve this chance at happiness." He smiled as Colin bowed his head bashfully and Liam threw his arm over Colin's shoulders.

"We're all best friends now," Liam declared.

"That's splendid!" Nate replied. "However, you mentioned a problem in your message? Forgive me for getting to the point, but I'm due at a dinner on the mainland tonight, and we only have so much time. We can exchange pleasantries another time."

The boys were quiet, Liam and Matthew turning toward Colin. In the silence, Alex entered with a tray of snickerdoodles and four glasses of milk. "Awesome, thank you, Alex!" Liam gushed. The others echoed their thanks as they all grabbed a cookie.

"You're welcome, guys. I'll make myself scarce. Holler if you need me." Alex displayed graceful movements in his exit.

"Now don't be bashful," Nate continued. "I've heard it all and done half of it." The boys giggled. "I'll help the best I can."

There were a couple more moments of silence, until Colin finally cleared his throat and raised his chin. "It's me who wanted advice, I guess."

"You guess?" Nate queried.

"I mean, it is." Colin paused for another throat clearing, then continued. "Um... How do you know if you really love someone?"

The question spurred a look of confusion on Liam's face; he'd expected a query on sexuality. He exchanged glances with Matthew, who seemed just as surprised.

"I assume you are referring to romantic love, and not platonic or familial love?" Nate asked.

"Yeah," said Colin. "I know I love my friends and my new mom and dad. I've been wondering lately if I, um, like boys or girls. Sometimes I thought I liked both. But now I just wanna know if I'm too young to find true love?"

Nate smiled his usual inviting smile, the kind that said he was in tune with the other person's mindset. "There are no easy answers to love and life. It's different for everyone, and you alone have to make the ultimate decisions. But in my opinion, you're not too young to find true love. You may actually find true love more than once in your life. For teenagers, it's easy to mistake infatuation for love. Well, that's true for adults, too. But there's a monumental difference between love and infatuation. Most people seem to be selfish creatures inherently; infatuation has a selfish nature, because it's mostly about what you can get from your significant other. Sure, it's important how they treat you and make you feel, but when you're focused on their needs above your own, that's closer to love. And when you make love to that person, both of you submitting to each other's desires and feelings, it's far more powerful and wonderful than sex alone."

The boys blushed a little but were enraptured with Nate's words. The man's face was beaming, obviously believing every word he said. He stood and walked to a corner of the room, retrieving something from an oak bookshelf. "I was twelve when I first fell in love. It was true love, and I still feel it today." He handed Matthew, the boy closest to him, a picture frame. Liam picked up on the fact that Alex couldn't have been that love, since he wasn't even alive when Dr. Nate was twelve. He was curious about the photo, and even more so when Matthew suddenly exclaimed.

"Oh my gosh!" Everyone jumped, his voice was so loud. He shoved the photo in front of Colin and Liam. "Look!"

The setting was obviously Shaw Island, because their school was in the background. The picture was aged, though, and two boys in "vintage" attire stood with their arms over each other's shoulders, smiling at the camera. They were young, and one of them was presumably a young Nate Walker, with longish hair, tight shorts, and a tight tee that ended just above his midriff. Liam immediately wanted clothes just like them. The other boy, he noticed with interest, was dressed similarly. And they were both slim and attractive.

"Holy crap!" Colin gasped, which caused Liam to jump, then study the picture closer. The boy with young Nate was the spitting image of Kip.

"Oh my gosh!" Liam jerked his eyes up to Nate, who was understandably shocked at their reaction. "It's Kip!"

Nate balked. "How did you know his name?"

"We met him!" Matthew said excitedly. "In the woods! Remember when we disappeared and fell in a hole? That's when!"

"He was the statue we tripped over, too!" Liam added.

Nate eased to his armchair with wide eyes. "Peter was Kip?" he whispered. "So it was true..."

Liam's brow furrowed. "What was true?"

Nate seemed barely able to speak, as he tried and faltered a couple of times before succeeding. "Kip told me he had found a statue in the woods once. We grew up here, you know. I never saw it, but then Kip disappeared for a couple of days. He was found on the bank of the bay, unconscious, and he told me later he'd had this crazy dream of boys from the past and future. When you told me you'd seen a statue in the woods, I desperately wanted to see it, too. Now you know why."

No one spoke for several long moments, as the boys continued to study the photo. They looked happy with each other and as close as could be. "So he was your true love?" Liam said quietly.

Nate nodded. "My first true love. Kip Youngblood was his name. We were a couple by the time that photo was taken. We were together about ten years after that, until he died in a car crash."

The boys gasped, and Liam felt hot tears stinging his eyes. "Poor Kip."

"He said he felt like he cheated on me in his dream, but I never thought twice about it. He thought he'd been there much longer than two days. Whatever happened, he was more devoted to me after his accident than ever before. I'd never felt so loved." Nate's voice was emotional and passionate, and though his eyes remained dry, they got lost in the distance for a while.

"Kip – and Colin, too – saved me from being raped," Liam shared. "They rescued Matthew, too, when he was kidnapped by Gage and his gang."

Nate shook his head slowly. "He told me about the boys of his dream. I never imagined they could be real."

"Kip was a great guy," Colin agreed.

"Yeah," echoed Matthew. "He helped us a lot."

Nate smiled. "That makes me very happy. I'm glad you got to know him." He turned his smile to Colin. "And hopefully that answers your question. True love is indeed possible for you. Just make sure it's not a selfish infatuation, but make sure your love is returned before giving yourself completely. When it is, you can give each other your whole selves."

Colin nodded with a smile. "That's what I needed to know. Thanks, Dr. Nate."

Opposite Colin's expression of contentment, Liam looked perplexed. "But are you gay or straight?!" he cried.

Before Colin could answer, Dr. Nate lifted a halting finger. "It does not matter, Master Liam. He's Colin, that's what he is. He's an exceptional boy. You love him regardless, correct?"

"Yeah, definitely," Liam said without hesitation.

"He'll tell you when he's ready."

Liam smiled and popped another snickerdoodle in his mouth, which he regretted, because he had more to say. But he politely chewed instead. Nate returned his picture frame to the shelf in the corner, looking longingly at it for a minute before returning to his chair.

"Was Alex your second true love?" Colin asked, and Liam beamed; it was the very question on his mind as well.

"He was. He is," Nate answered. "He's twenty-three years younger than I, and people speculate that he's only with me for my money. But in fact, he has his own money and could have anyone he wants. It's true love," he said with a sparkle in his eyes.

Liam grinned. "That's so sweet! He's lucky to have you."

"Yes, I am," Alex smiled as he sashayed in. He bent down and kissed his lover, and Liam squealed with glee. "He's lucky to have me, too, because I get him places on time. I know it's early, but we should get ready to go, Love."

Liam immediately stood, and the others followed. "We'll go. Thank you for the cookies and milk, Alex. And thanks to both of you for letting us come over."

"Yeah, thank you," Colin echoed. "Especially for the advice."

"He's good with the advice," Alex acknowledged. "I told him he should start his own hotline."

Nate just smiled and rolled his eyes. "I'm glad my words are of value to you. Thank you for trusting me. And Liam, thank you for calling ahead of time," he winked.

The boys were seen to the door and left with waves and smiles. It wasn't until they were walking down the road that Jeremiah spoke up. "What were you guys talking about? Who's Kip?"

The others drew deep breaths and looked at each other, shrugging. So Liam launched into the story, stopping to explain things in a way a seven year old could understand them. The story was generally complete before they reached Liam's house, and Jeremiah was quietly thoughtful after asking all the questions he could think of.

"I can't believe Kip was Dr. Nate's lover," Colin breathed. "I can't believe he was real. It wasn't a dream after all."

"Which means you really did save me," said Liam with wonder. "You were my brave hero."

Colin blanched and turned his head away. "Whatever. It was Trey's plan."

Liam stopped and hugged Colin tightly. "Thank you anyway."

Matthew grabbed his chance to hug Colin next. "You helped save me, too!"

Colin sighed heavily, but Liam could tell he was pleased. "If you guys hadn't come after me, I might still be there. Or worse. I was just repaying the favor."

They came upon the Reilly house, and Liam stopped short. "What's wrong?" Matthew asked, after turning around with concern.

Liam pointed, and the others followed his finger; they saw Daniel coming down the steps of the guest house. Slowly Liam set his feet back in motion, approaching an embarrassed looking Daniel, but he found he couldn't speak.

"Hi, guys," said Daniel sheepishly.

"What's going on?" Colin asked bluntly.

Daniel swallowed hard. "Patrick and I were just talking. He needed a friend, and I wanted to help."

Liam's eyes were drawn downward for some inexplicable reason, and his gaze landed on Daniel's crotch. His zipper was down. Liam pursed his lips and looked up again. "Might wanna zip your fly."

"Shit." Daniel hurried to zip up, obviously flustered. "I'm really sorry, Liam. Maybe you should go talk to Patrick." He hurried away toward his car.

"Hey!" Colin called out angrily. "You can't just leave like that! Bastard!"

Liam took off running up the steps, and Daniel looked pained. "I'm sorry, guys," he said, and rushed to his car. He drove off, and the last three boys ran after Liam.

Liam found Patrick in his bedroom, only just donning a pair of sweat pants. "Liam," he said, startled. When he saw the look on Liam's face, he paled. "What are you doing?" he asked lamely.

Try as he might, Liam couldn't hold back his tears. "Daniel said I should talk to you, and his fly was down, and he looked really ashamed," he began spilling his thoughts. "He said he was sorry, and he left, and you disappeared today. I'm sorry I didn't come to bed last night. I fell asleep, but then I went looking for you this morning, and Mom said you weren't here. And I think Daniel likes you now, and you might like Daniel, too." He was sobbing by that point, and Patrick tried to hug and comfort him, but he pulled away.

"I'm so confused, Liam!" Patrick cried. "I love you, but I like Daniel, too. And what William said got me thinking, if we should be together or not. And...I don't know...he's older and experienced, and I don't feel guilty every time I kiss him." Instantly his face displayed the knowledge of his mistake, as well as his horror for making it.

"You don't feel guilty about cheating on your boyfriend?" Colin asked from behind Liam. His voice was quiet, but with a strong undertone of disgust.

"That's not what I meant," Patrick said, paling further. "He and I aren't brothers, and he's not twelve."

"Liam loves you," Colin returned. "Brothers or not, you're stupid if don't hang on to him."

"Can Liam and I have some privacy, please?" Patrick said irritably. "Thank you," he said, before anyone had even moved. He advanced toward the door and forced the three intruders into the hallway, then shut the door. Liam had moved to get some tissues.

"I love you more than anything, Patrick," said Liam softly. "Even if you did stuff with Daniel, I don't care. Everyone makes mistakes."

Patrick sighed heavily. "This isn't how I wanted to do this. I'm sorry you found out like that. Well...I'm sorry I did it, too. I didn't wanna hurt you." He growled in frustration. "Will's right, Li. We can't be together. It just won't work! And it's obviously not meant to be, if I can have feelings for Daniel, too."

"You mean you're falling for him?" Liam choked out.

"I don't know! That's just the thing. I think I might be, even though I still love you. But I think maybe I just love you because you're my brother, and I got that mixed up with my sexual feelings, or something. That's what Daniel says. And he says your soulmate is out there somewhere, and you should be free to find him."

As Liam's heart crumbled into a rubble of unidentifiable pieces, he struggled to force out his next words. "Does that mean you're breaking up with me?" Patrick nodded, pain seizing his face. He tried once more to console Liam by holding him, but Liam tore out of the room and out of the guest house, retreating to his own bedroom. It wasn't long before the other boys joined him, carrying in their stuff and his. As if they'd discussed what to do already, they dropped everything on the floor, shut Liam's door, and crawled on the bed where he was sobbing into his pillow. Colin stretched out beside him and soothingly began petting his hair. Matthew and Jeremiah knelt on his other side, rubbing his back and arms.

"We heard everything, and we're real sorry," said Matthew.

"Patrick's stupid, `cause you're better than Daniel," said Jeremiah, as if he understood it all.

"Don't hate Patrick," Colin whispered. "Maybe he'll change his mind."

Liam heaved and sobbed for several long minutes, until he could finally take control of himself. He turned over, presenting huge puffy eyes flanked by dark red patches, wet cheeks and a moist nose tip. He wiped all the moisture off with his arm. "Except he's right. It sucks, but he can't be my brother and my boyfriend. I just can't believe he did stuff with Daniel without telling me. I can't believe Daniel would do that to me, either." He drew broken breaths, looking utterly pitiful.

Matthew suddenly launched a hug onto Liam in their usual fashion of comforting. Liam accepted it, holding on tightly for a few moments. Somehow it made things just a little bit more bearable. When Matthew pulled back, Jeremiah moved closer.

"Can I hug you, too?" asked Jeremiah.

"Yes, please," said Liam, and they hugged fiercely.

Predictably, Colin hugged him next, then they all sat in a circle on the bed. "Should we go home?" Colin asked.

Liam shook his head rapidly. "No! Not until you have to. Or want to. It hurts so bad, but it helps to have my friends here." He sniffed and breathed deeply. "I don't wanna be alone. And I definitely don't want to be with my brothers."

"You're handling it pretty well, considering," Colin pointed out. "I thought you'd go all postal on him."

Liam's body sagged. "He's right, though. I'm twelve. Daniel's twenty-two. Who do you think he's gonna pick?"

"He's stupid," Colin reiterated.

"Yeah," Jeremiah added.

"You gonna get another boyfriend?" Matthew asked.

Liam's chuckle was dry and slightly sarcastic. "Patrick and Daniel are the only gay boys I know. It's not like I have any options here. Besides, maybe I don't want another one. Dr. Nate was right; I should've thought about the consequences before becoming Patrick's boyfriend and having sex with him. It would've hurt a lot less if I had decided not to go through with it."

"You couldn't have known this would happen," said Colin. "I think Patrick really did love you. Maybe he still does, in a way. It's not your fault he can't decide what he wants."

Liam shrugged. "I guess. I don't wanna talk about it anymore. Let's play video games until you have to go home."

Each time Liam walked home from school that week, he had the urge to race up to the guest house and wait there for Patrick. And each time he reminded himself, sadly, that that wasn't what Patrick wanted. The more he thought about it, the more he moped. When he saw Daniel's car again the next weekend parked at his house, it made him want to mope some more. Despite the fact he was at Matthew's for the duration of that weekend, he couldn't stop thinking about Daniel being with Patrick. Even being with his friends didn't deter his thoughts.

"Liam," Colin growled in frustration, early Friday evening. "Get your head out of the clouds. I say we go play War. I'm tired of being inside."

"How do you play that?" Jeremiah asked excitedly. He was thrilled to be asked over the second weekend in a row.

"We'll show you," Matthew declared. "I vote for War, too. Wanna, Liam?"

Liam shrugged nonchalantly. "Sure."

Out they went, each of them dispersing once the rules had been given to Jeremiah. But Liam merely found a hiding place among bushes and parked himself there, intending to remain there until the game was over. In his mind, he imagined all the sorts of things Patrick and Daniel were doing that very moment, and every thought made him sadder. He sat staring at his phone, hoping Patrick would text and invite him back home.

A commotion on the other side of his barrier barely made him flinch. He had no idea how much time had gone by, but he noticed for the first time that it was nearly dark.

"Oh, there you are," said Matthew.

"Liam!" Colin exclaimed. "Geez! You're not even playing!" He stormed off toward his house, as Liam slowly got up and joined Matthew and Jeremiah.

"Sorry," Liam mumbled. "I didn't much feel like playing."

Matthew merely sighed and walked with his friend, while Colin marched several paces ahead.

"Is Colin mad at us?" Jeremiah asked quietly.

"Just at me," said Liam.

When they reached the house, Colin was already inside. Upon entering, they recognized a higher level of activity than usual. Jovial voices came from the den, to which they naturally gravitated. There they found Colin staring dumbly, mouth agape, toward the adults; Charles and Linda Loper, and one visitor, none of whom had yet noticed Colin.

"What's wrong?" asked Matthew, watching Colin's face.

The adults stopped talking and looked to where the boys were standing. "Here's my two boys and their friends," said Charles. "Come `ere, boys, I want you to meet an old friend of mine.

Charles sat on the sofa with a man whom Liam found rather attractive. And more than just his physique; his smile was kind and made him seem approachable. Even while sitting, he seemed to be tall. He was clean-cut with short blond hair, and brilliant blue eyes sparkled when he smiled. Liam was more than aware of the impossibility of an attraction being returned, but he couldn't help liking the man nonetheless.

The man stood, and his smiled failed. Liam was surprised to see his expression match Colin's. "Good Lord in Heaven," murmured the attractive man, before Charles could begin introductions.

"What is it?" Charles asked, alarmed.

Colin's expression melded into one of audacity as he looked at his friends. "Don't tell me you don't know who that is! Look!"

Matthew looked again and shrugged. Liam, however, gasped. "Trey!" he yelled. The man was ten years older than the last time they'd seen him, but it was definitely Trey, whom they'd met in the "magical" Shaw Island.

"Liam! Colin! Matthew!" Trey exclaimed.

"I'm confused," said Charles, and Linda echoed the sentiment.

The three boys began talking very fast, with Trey adding details intermittently, and told the story of their dream, as it were. They left out a few details for modesty's sake, but the parents were shocked nonetheless.

"Oh, and this is our friend, Jeremiah. He knows about the place, but he hasn't been there," said Liam. "Where's Toran?"

At the question, Trey hesitated, glancing nervously at Charles. He shrugged quickly, shaking his head. "I don't see him very often. He lives in Cali, now. I've recently relocated to Washington, so I thought I'd look up my old friend."

"We were good friends in junior high and high school," Charles grinned, smacking Trey on the shoulder. "It's good to see you. You'll stay overnight, won't you? We have a guest bedroom."

"Yeah, stay!" said Liam brightly. "Jeremiah and I are staying, too, and Colin's room is right next to yours. The guest bedroom, I mean."

Trey smiled and nodded slightly. "Well I did bring an overnight bag, just in case. It would be great to catch up, Charles, but only if you don't have to get up early."

"No sir, I'm all yours tonight and all day tomorrow. Well, provided my wife allows it," he winked.

"I think I can survive," said Linda. "Are you hungry? It's about dinner time for us."

"Starving!" Trey admitted.

The boys were forced to take a backseat to conversation with Trey, as Charles reminisced with his friend. Liam was aghast that Toran lived so far away from his brother, and that fact perpetuated his own self-pity for his breakup with Patrick. None of it seemed right. Or fair.

The moment Trey left the others for a trip to the bathroom, Liam dashed away, too, and waited for the man in the hallway. When Trey exited, Liam nearly assaulted him by pressing close and whispering. "Hey! Why aren't you and Toran together?" he demanded. "You loved each other!"

Trey glanced quickly down the hall. "We still do. But we'd be cut out of our father's will if we got back together, and his money is the only good thing he'll ever give to us. And Charles still doesn't know I'm gay, far as I know, so please keep it quiet!"

"Uhh. He does now." The whispering pair jerked their heads to the side, where Charles was standing with an awkward smile. "Why couldn't you tell me?"

Trey rubbed the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed, sighing heavily. When he lifted his gaze to his longtime friend, he seemed very weary. "I didn't know how you'd react, considering...you know."

Liam thought he saw a slight blush creeping up Charles' neck. "It's normal for kids to experiment with each other. Just because I turned out not to be gay doesn't make me any better than you. I love you because you're my friend, no matter what."

Tension eased out of Trey's body language. "That's a relief. Just...don't tell my father if you ever talk to him," he chuckled. "I want to keep my inheritance."

Charles rolled his eyes, patting Trey on the arm as he passed him and walked into the bathroom. "My lips are sealed. But my bladder won't be in a couple of seconds. Please excuse me." He closed the door, and Trey and Liam rejoined the others. The boys hogged Trey's attention in Charles' absence, telling him about Kip and Dr. Nate, both of whom Trey also knew. But when Charles returned, the boys were banished to Colin's room, where Liam immediately began ranting.

"That's so not fair! I can't believe they broke up just so they can get their inheritance. Who cares if they're brothers?! They should get to love each other the way they want to."

"God!" Colin said loudly, garnering the attention of all the boys. "Stop talking about it already! I'm declaring the rest of this weekend a no-Patrick zone."

"I wasn't talking about Patrick!" Liam scowled. "I was talking about Trey and Toran!"

"We all know you're thinking about Patrick. And I say no more, until you go home Sunday night. Got it?"

Liam was dumbfounded by Colin's assertiveness. "Fine," he conceded.

He tried hard to focus on his friends the rest of the weekend, even if he slipped a few times. But he wasn't tempted too badly, since they didn't see Trey again. Early Saturday morning, Trey and Charles left with each other, and only Charles came back.

"Trey told me to tell you guys goodbye, and that he'll see you again," Charles told them. "In fact, I've invited him to apply for the company I work for, now that he's back in Washington. He practically does the same thing I do right now, just with a different company."

Sunday evening, however, when Liam was all alone in his room, he wallowed in pity for himself as much as he pleased. His heart ached for Patrick to sneak up to his room and apologize, say he needed him, loved him, and wanted him back. He stayed awake as long as he could, holding out hope. But morning came, while Patrick never did.

Still half asleep, he trudged toward the Lopers' house Monday morning, where he would join his friends in walking to school. In his usual element, Matthew gabbed away while the other two were silent. Colin was always silent in the mornings, whereas Liam was only silent when he didn't sleep enough. Or when he was moping. And the two combined made for certain silence at least until lunch time.

Liam and Colin's lunchtime sometimes, but not always, coincided with Matthew and Jeremiah's. On this Monday, it was only Colin and Liam and the silence between them.

"You want my banana?" Colin tried to make conversation. "I'm not feeling it today." Liam merely shook his head. "Did you know Mrs. Cole changed my name to Colin Loper in her grade book?" he tried again.

"Cool," said Liam, not even making eye contact.

Colin sighed heavily and munched on some chips. Nothing else was said, and soon they were cleaning up and moving to another building. Mrs. Cole led them to the computer lab, gave them instructions like she always did, and left to prepare other lessons. The boys sat in colored plastic chairs at their own computers, side by side; the hum of the harddrives, the occasional click of a mouse, and the soft thuds of fingers awkwardly hitting keys were the only sounds in the room.

Suddenly Colin giggled. He jabbed Liam in the shoulder. "Look. I got gay porn spam in my email."

Liam looked over, somewhat snorted, and returned to his work. The next thing he knew, Colin had slapped him in the face. Not terribly hard, but enough to induce an irritable response.

"What the crap?! He turned angrily toward Colin, surprised to see Colin scowling angrily in return.

"Snap out of it, damn it! I'm sick and tired of you moping all the time!" Colin's voice was a muted yell, still mindful that Mrs. Cole might hear from the next building.

"I can't help it!" Liam snapped. "And you didn't have to slap me!"

"Yes, I did!" Colin asserted. "Someone had to! I'll do it again, too, if you don't freaking quit feeling sorry for yourself."

"Just leave me alone! You don't even know what it's like to love someone who doesn't love you back. It sucks, FYI."

The hell I don't, FYI," Colin spat Liam's phrase back at him sarcastically.

Liam recoiled a little, remembering Colin's former parents. "I meant romantic love, dummy."

"Me, too!" Colin almost growled.

Liam actually did growl as he sighed. "Who, Sonia Purvis? That's your own dang fault for not asking her out. I told you to, but did you do it? No. So that doesn't count."

Colin stood up so abruptly his chair turned over sideways and slid across the tile floor. "You're so...infuriating sometimes!" he exclaimed angrily. He leaned closer to Liam with clenched fists, and Liam thought he was about to be punched. His eyes widened as Colin drew near at an alarming rate. But instead of punching him, Colin was suddenly kissing him, a wet, hot kiss on the lips that left Liam reeling.

When Colin pulled back, neither one of them seemed able to speak. Colin seemed to be waiting for Liam to react, but nothing happened. Colin, therefore, drew a shaky breath to speak his next words. "I love you, asshole. I swear, I wish I didn't." Then he stormed out of the room, leaving Liam sitting in a stupor, lightly touching his lips.

After school, Colin didn't wait for the others and walked home alone. Liam and Matthew said goodbye to Jeremiah and began the trek homeward. "Okay, what happened? Colin was definitely mad," said Matthew.

Liam could barely speak. "He kissed me," he whispered.

"Whoa," Matthew breathed. "Um..." he seemed to be at a loss for words.

As Liam walked, he didn't see the path in front of him. All he could see was Colin's face after the kiss. "He loves me, and I didn't even know it."

"Do you love him?" Matthew asked hopefully.

Liam shrugged. "I thought I loved Patrick. I mean...I know I did. Now...I guess I don't know. I never thought..." he trailed off. "I feel confused."

They walked in silence until they reached Matthew's house. "Wanna stay for a while?" Matthew asked.

"No," Liam smiled weakly. "I'll see you tomorrow. I have a lot to think about."

"Okay. Liam?"

"Yeah?"

"I think Colin's a lot better than Patrick."

Liam sighed. "See ya, Matty."