Written by Mark The Goodpen
By now I'm sure you know the drill, so I won't bore you with another disclaimer to ignore.
Thank you to everyone who has e-mailed their feedback on this story. You're e-mails let me know I should keep the Sierra Inn in business.
Feedback is always welcome at firstname.lastname@example.org
My Other Story on Nifty:
Wanting Perfection (Gay Male Adult/Youth)
Brian's question catches me off guard, even though it is something that has crossed my mind in the last week or so as well. There is no doubt in my mind that I will always want to do "sex stuff" with Brian, even when he is the age I am now I will want to be with him in that way. I know for sure that I am in love with Brian, and as far as I am concerned there is no expiration date on my attraction to him. But eventually the guilt that I have been for the most part evading so far might catch up with me. Up until now I have only had twinges of guilt, mainly when somebody has said how good I am for doing what I have done in taking in Brian. And aside from one night last week I haven't really let myself think that much about what we have been doing. Maybe there is a more sensible side of me that has not made itself heard yet and if it ever does I might see that there is something wrong with what Brian and I are doing, like so many people would say there is. But the main thing that could stop us is if Brian stops wanting to. He has mentioned that he thinks he is gay. But he is eleven, and he only mentioned the possibility once. With what he went through before landing at the front door of my motel I'm sure he is confused. But confusion does not mean he is gay. The fact is a lot can happen in the next few years, from my guilt getting the better of me to Brian falling in love with a girl. Even with how much I want all of this to last forever I quickly realize, like with most anything else in life, there is no guarantee of anything.
"Brian, I will always love you, no matter what," I say, as I kneel in front of him in bathtub so that we are at eye level with each other. "As far as us doing sex stuff, we do that as long as you want to do it. If there ever comes a time when you don't want to do that kind of thing with me anymore than we won't. Does that answer your question?"
"Yeah," Brian says, a small smile coming to his face.
"What made you ask?" I ask, curiously. The thought suddenly crossing my mind that his asking that question is Brian's way of saying he wants to stop doing "sex stuff" now.
"I was just wondering," Brian says. "Cause I like it."
"Oh," I say, smiling myself now. "Good, I like it too."
We fall silent again, as I finish soaping Brian's torso up. After I am done soaping up his stomach I once again look into his face, we make eye contact and Brian gives me that sly smirk of his. I return I gently jab my still soapy fingers into his stomach and start tickling him mercilessly.
"Hey!" Brian shrills, through a fit of giggles as I continue to tickle him.
"I'm on to your little smirk," I say as I start to ease up my tickling.
"What smirk?" Brian asks, as his giggling settles some.
"Like you don't know," I say, giving him a smirk of my own.
"I was just smiling at you," Brian says, with one last giggle.
"I don't think so," I say. "I know you too well little man!"
Brian flashes that smirk again, clearly knowing what he is doing, and I lean my face towards his giving him a quick peck on the lips. Brian leans towards me for a more prolonged kiss, and I oblige him happily. Soon my tongue is dancing inside of Brian's mouth. I feel Brian putting his arms around my shoulders and giving a slight squeeze. I quickly put my arms around him, pulling him even closer to me than he already was in the confined space of the tub. I let my hands roam over his back from his shoulder blades down to his waist. All too soon, Brian breaks the kiss but keeps his arms around my shoulders.
"You missed a spot," he says, that smirk once again painted on his face.
I can't help but smile back, as I reach over to the side of the tub where I keep the soap and work another lather up in my hands. After putting the soap down I use one hand on the front side of each of Brian's legs, working my way up from his feet all the way to the top of his thighs. When I finish lathering up the front of his legs I look back into Brian's face, where I see a look of total frustration.
"Is that where you meant?" I ask, suppressing a chuckle.
"No!" Brian states in an utterly exasperated tone.
"It isn't?" I ask, playing dumb.
"No!" Brian says, this time with a little whine.
"Oh," I say, pretending to be confused.
Not so subtly Brian begins to thrust his hips forward, almost pushing his penis which is pointed towards the ceiling, right into my face. But I am having too much fun teasing him to give into his request quite yet.
"Oh I know where you meant," I say, letting a smile come to my face as I once again reach for the soap and begin to lather up my hands.
Brian closes his eyes as I put the soap down and bring my hands back to his body. But his eyes shoot open like two rockets when he feels my hands on his calves as I start to clean the back of his legs. I look into his face and once again see a look I can only describe as being beyond frustration.
"That's not it either!" Brian says, the whining a little stronger now.
"It's not?" I ask, still playing dumb. "Well now you've got me stumped, kiddo. What spot were you talking about?" I ask as my hands reach his butt.
"You know which one I meant," Brian says. "You're just being mean."
"I'm being mean?" I ask, with a little chuckle. "How am I being mean?"
"Because you're not doing the spot I want you to do," Brian says, the whining having turned back to exasperation.
"Well you didn't tell me where you wanted me to wash," I say. "You just said I missed a spot. And far as I could tell I haven't done your legs yet," I add with a smirk of my own.
What had started as nothing more than a game for me quickly has turned into a mission. For some unexplainable reason I want to hear Brian ask to be touched. Not because I'd get off on hearing him say "dick" or "cock" or whatever he would call it. But because he has not done that yet, sure he has given not so subtle hints about what he wants but he has never asked me directly. And something inside of me needs the directness, almost as though hearing one or two simple words would give me some type of magical consent that would make any lingering guilt disappear.
"So where did you want me to wash you?" I ask, as I look straight into his blue eyes.
"You know," Brian says, suddenly acting shy.
"If you don't tell me, I'm just going to keep guessing," I say, once again flashing a smile.
"You didn't wash my..." Brian starts but stops himself, as he looks down at his feet. "Can I say it?" he asks, suddenly.
"Yes," I say, trying not to sound too eager.
"You didn't wash my cock," he says quickly almost as though he was verbally taking a band aide off.
The word takes me by surprise. I was expecting him to say "wiener" or "dick." But once again I get a harsh reminder that Brian has been exposed to more than most his age. My hands fall away from his body as I look into his eyes. His blue eyes seem to be searching for me, just like they were the first moment we met.
"You said I could say it," Brian says, as he apparently mistakes my silence for anger.
"Yeah I did," I say, as I force another smile. "You just kind of surprised me. I wasn't expecting you to call it that."
"That's what the men called it," Brian says, plainly. "But a kid at school said it and Mr. Leonard yelled at him."
"Well it's not really a word you should use in school," I say.
"I know," Brian says, quickly. "So are you going to wash it?" he asks, the smirk reappearing on his face.
I shake my head in amusement at Brian's persistence, before taking my soapy hand and wrapping it around Brian's boner. Just because he uses adult words doesn't mean I have to. Brian's lips part slightly and eyes close, as I start rubbing my soapy hand up and down the length of his penis. After a few strokes, I move my hand down and gently cup his balls in my hand, ever so slightly giving the tight sack a squeeze before moving my hand back to his penis. I stroke him some more before I realize the water hitting my back is getting a little too cold for my taste. I stand up and guide Brian by the shoulders around me and into the luke warm spray.
"Dad!" he proclaims, in a disappointed tone as I turn him around and around to get the soap off of his body.
"The water was getting cold, angel," I say, calmly. "Don't worry I won't leave you hanging."
After getting him rinsed off I shut the water and we get out of the tub. I wrap a towel around my waist before grabbing Brian's towel off the rack and taking a seat on the toilet lid. I have Brian stand in between my legs so I can dry him. I start rubbing the towel gently over his right shoulder than his left before moving down to his chest. He giggles a little when I dry his underarms, and giggles even harder when I dry his stomach. After the front of his torso is dry I reach behind him and run the towel over his back from his shoulder blades down to his butt before bringing the towel back to his front. Teasing him yet again, I ignore his groin and immediately start drying the front of his legs. As I run the towel up and down his left leg I look up into his face and see that same look of frustration, which he had been wearing in the tub. I smile at him as I switch the towel over to his right leg.
"You know something?" I ask, Brian as I dry the back of his left leg.
"What?" Brian asks, looking down into my face.
"You're very cute," I say, with a smile.
"Cute?" Brian asks. "Cute is what you call a little kid. I'll be twelve in less than three months."
"Oh, my bad," I say quickly. "How about if I say you're very handsome? Does that sound better to you?"
"Yeah," Brian says with a nod of his head. "Thank you."
"You're very welcome," I tell him as I bring the towel up to his groin.
In between the cool water rinse in the tub and my teasing of him Brian lost his erection. But as soon as I start to dry his groin I feel his penis start to harden on the other side of the towel. Once he is dry I let the towel drop to the floor, and guide Brian closer to me by his waist until his once again erect penis is only inches from me. I duck my head down and quickly swipe my tongue over the head of Brian's penis, making it and him jump slightly. I continue to tease him by slowly kissing over his pubic bone, and am caught by surprise I feel something different under my lips. I pull back slightly, taking his penis in my hand and gently pulling it down so I can look at the skin of Brian's pubic bone. Right above his penis, are three very fine hairs that apparently have just started to grow in the last day or two. Deciding to let him make this discovery on his own, I don't say anything and bring Brian's penis to my mouth. I take the whole thing into my mouth at once, and quickly start bobbing my head up and down as I let my hands roam over the back of his thighs. I hear Brian start to pant above me, and quickly slow down my bobbing motion. I let all but the head of his penis out of my mouth, and start swiping my tongue over his piss slit again and again. I feel the muscles of his legs pushing against my hand as I continue to tease the head of his penis with my tongue. After a minute of just using my tongue on him I let the rest of his penis back into my mouth, now running my tongue up and down the bottom of his shaft. After a couple of more passes of my tongue on the underside of his head I hear Brian groan loudly, I feel his leg muscles become tight and his penis begins to jump violently in my mouth, seemingly bouncing on my tongue. As his orgasm eases, Brian falls forward catching himself by putting his hands on my back as I am still leaned over with his penis in my mouth. I let Brian's softening penis fall from my mouth and gently start to kiss his pelvis, and up to his belly button. He gives a slight moan and then a giggle before standing back up on his own two feet.
"So did I get the right spot?" I ask, as I sit up, keeping my hands on the back of his thighs.
"Yeah," Brian says, the remains of a glazed over look still visible in his eyes.
"Good," I say, with a smile. "So you ready to hit the sack?"
"No," Brian says, shaking his head.
"Angel, you have school tomorrow," I say.
"I know," he says, as he starts getting down on his knees. "But I want to make you happy first."
I look down in amazement at Brian, who is now on his knees in between my legs. I help him undo the towel from around my waist before he takes hold of my hardening penis in his right hand and begins to jack it slowly, all the while looking up into my face.
"You know you don't have to do this?" I ask, more to make myself feel better than anything else. I know by now that Brian is fully aware he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to.
"Yeah," Brain says with a nod.
His hand feels warm around my penis which reacts quickly by growing into a full erection in only a few of Brian's strokes. Brian scoots himself closer so his head is right above my penis. I look down at him and I see him lower his face so he is now staring down at my penis, I feel his warm breath hitting the crown as his hand continues to move up and down my shaft. I watch as his head goes lower, I feel the wetness of his lips caressing the head of my penis and I can not help but let out a low moan. Brian continues to run his hand up and down my shaft as his tongue darts out and starts doing to the head of my penis what mine did to his. When I feel the head of my penis being enveloped in the warmth of Brian's mouth I gently place a hand on the back of his head as I my eyes shut tight. Brian moves his hand that had been rubbing my shaft down lower and slowly starts to finger my balls as he takes more of my penis into his mouth. I feel his fingers gently pushing on my balls as he takes my penis into the very top of his throat, gagging slightly before easing back until just the head of remains in his mouth. His tongue goes in circles around the crown of my penis a couple of times before he once again descends down not quite as far as last time to keep himself from gagging. He repeats this action several times all the while gently fingering my balls. I am enjoying the feeling of Brian's warm mouth on my penis so much I don't want this to end but all too soon I feel myself hurdling over the edge.
"Angel, I'm going to shoot," I gasp as I feel my balls draw up to my body and the cum shooting up the shaft of my penis.
Brian pulls his head back so that only the head of my penis remains in the warmth of his mouth. His tongue once again darts out and goes around the crown in circles, sending me right over the cliff. As one of the most intense orgasms of my life hits me, my cum goes shooting into Brian's mouth.
As I come down from my climax, I take my hand away from the back of Brian's head. I had never put any pressure on him, I just ran my fingers through his hair as much as I could with its now short length. I look down at Brian as he looks up at me. I see the glazed over look in his eyes, and as I look further down I notice for the first time that he had actually been masturbating with his left hand the entire time. As I look back to his face I see his eyes close as he is hit with a second dry orgasm in a matter of minutes.
When he finally comes down from his self induced climax I grab him by the under arms and bring him up to sit on my lap. I dig my face into the crook of his neck and gently start kissing him there, being careful not to leave any kind of mark.
"I love you so much, angel," I whisper softly in between kisses.
"I love you too," he says, sleepily.
I place one hand on his back as I put my other arm underneath his knees. Carefully I stand up, and carry a very sleepy Brian into our bedroom before placing him on the bed, where he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
"Goodnight, angel," I say, giving him a kiss on the forehead before pulling the covers over his still naked body.
After waking up in the morning Brian and I make our usual dash for school, barely making it there on time. You would think I would just start setting the alarm clock earlier, but that would take the adventure out of it. On the way to school I tell Brian that Sam will be at the motel this afternoon. Brian was all smiles after I told him. When I get to the Sierra Inn I head straight for my office and try to catch up on all of the work I missed doing yesterday while I had dealt with other things. I am just a little nervous about how Brian's reunion with Sam is going to go this afternoon. I know Brian seemed happy when I mentioned the man that had tried to help him. And he was incredibly happy when I told him he would see Sam this afternoon. But he also seemed happy when Doris initially invited us over for brunch and after we went he was as close to a wreck as I have seen him. Sam seems like a very nice guy, and I am sure he would never want to do anything that would hurt Brian. I still worry though that the reunion will bring memories back for Brian that he doesn't want drudged up.
I spend most of the morning catching up on work from yesterday, before helping Matt figure out how to do our spreadsheets. The deeper I sink into my work the more my other worries start to fade away. But when Matt and I break for lunch they come back full force.
"You okay man?" Matt asks me as we sit across from each other in a booth at the pizza place where I first met Sam last Friday.
"Yeah," I say, a little hesitantly. "I just have a lot going on right now."
"I'm sure you do," Matt says, shaking his head slightly.
"What?" I ask, wondering why he was shaking his head like that.
"No, I just can't imagine the kind of stress you have going on right now," Matt says. "I mean running the motel, and trying to adopt a kid. Shit I could never do that."
"Well thanks," I say. "I wasn't really thinking about that today, but I'm glad you reminded me," I say with a little chuckle.
"No problem," Matt says, with a chuckle of his own. "So then what's bothering you?"
"There's this guy that I ran into of Friday, here actually," I say as I start to explain Sam to Matt. "He knew Brian before I did, well he's coming to the motel this afternoon to kind of have a little reunion."
"So what's the problem with that?" Matt asks. "Did Brian not like him or something?"
"Well when I mentioned this guy to Brian, he said he wanted to see him again," I say. "I don't know I'm just worried it'll upset Brian."
"Why would it upset him?" Matt asks.
All Matt knows is that Brian was in foster care, he doesn't know how Brian got there or even really how he ended up with me. With me not wanting to tell Brian's story behind his back, letting Matt know about Sam is a little tricky.
"Well when Brian knew this guy, it was a really tough time in his life," I say. "I'm just worried about what kind of memories seeing this guy will bring back to him."
"Oh," Matt says, plainly. "Well if Brian seemed happy when you mentioned him seeing this guy again, I don't think you have anything to worry about."
"Yeah I guess," I say, before taking a sip of soda.
"Kevin this isn't something I've told many people but you're my best friend and I think knowing this might actually help you," Matt says in a very serious tone as he looks straight into my face.
"What is it?" I ask.
"I was adopted when I was nine," Matt says, with a deep breath. "But from the time was six until I got adopted I was in foster care."
Hearing this sends me into a small state of shock. I had met Matt's, apparent, adoptive parents several times through our years in college. He or they had never even so much as hinted that their might not be any type of blood relation between them. I stare blankly at Matt while he seems to be trying to think of what to say next.
"Those horror stories of foster care I told you I heard about," Matt says, finally. "Actually I lived them. I mean those three years in foster care were absolute hell for me. But I think it was my second year in the system, I got a new social worker. My first one was a total bitch, she transferred my case because she thought I was too much trouble. But this second one he was just incredible. I mean my life was still shit, but he worked his hardest to try to make things better for me. And eventually he did find my adoptive parents."
"Matt, I don't know what to say," I tell him, still in a semi state of shock.
"You don't need to say anything dude," Matt says quickly. "I'm not hunting for sympathy or anything, I don't need it. I turned out fine. I'm just telling you that no matter what Brian's been through he can still turn out fine also. And that you definitely don't need to worry about this afternoon. If this guy was the one person that was nice to Brian when the rest of his life was hell, Brian's going to appreciate seeing him again. I'm sure it won't upset him in the least. Hell I still keep in touch with my old social worker. And it never upsets me when I talk to him."
"It doesn't remind you of the bad stuff you went through?" I ask. "I mean talking to that social worker now."
"No," Matt says shaking his head. "The way I see it, he's the one person that really was looking out for me when I needed someone to the most. There's no way hearing that man's voice could ever upset me. So don't worry about this afternoon. It might not happen today, because he's still kind of young, but one day I'm sure Brian will thank you for letting this man back into his life."
"Thank you, Matt," I say.
"You're welcome," he says, a smile coming to his face.
I feel honored that Matt felt comfortable enough with me to share such a large part of his life with me. We are best friends, really, but we're not the kind of best friends that share everything with each other. I don't share everything with anybody, and I have gotten the sense Matt is much the same way. So for him to share something like that is absolutely mind blowing for me. I had my doubts about hiring him, thinking working together usually isn't the best thing for a friendship. But now it seems like I made a good decision. Laura might disagree on that front right now, but I think in time, hopefully sooner rather than later, Matt will learn the ropes better and begin to gain Laura's confidence.
We eat the rest of lunch pretty much in silence, except for Matt's flirting with the college aged waitress.
"I thought you said you have a girlfriend," I say, after the waitress drops off the check and Matt obviously tries to flirt his way into her pants.
"Yeah I do," Matt says. "But that doesn't mean I'm dead."
"Well not yet you're not," I say. "But if you actually get anywhere with her you very well could be soon."
"Oh like you never flirt," Matt says quickly.
"We're not talking about me," I say quickly. "Besides, I'm not in a relationship. There's no ball and chain tying me down."
"You think so?" Matt asks. "What do you think that eleven year old is going to do for your social life?"
"Whose turn is it to pay anyway?" I ask, quickly changing the subject.
When we get back to the Sierra Inn, Matt starts doing work at the table in the break room which for now is his office until we can figure something better out. And I go into my office and dive into a mountain of work, that I have essentially been neglecting the past couple of days. About ten minutes before I have to leave to pick Brian up at school there is a knock on my office door.
"Come in, Matt," I say, as I continue to work on my books.
"It's me," I hear Sam say as he opens the door. "I was so excited I just needed to get here. I hope that's okay," he says as he stands in front of my desk.
"It absolutely is," I say quickly. "I'm going to be leaving to pick up Brian at school in a few minutes. Would you like to come with me?"
"No, I don't think so," Sam says. "I wouldn't want to embarrass him or anything."
"I'm sure he wouldn't mind," I say.
"No I'd prefer to wait here," Sam says.
"Okay," I say.
"I know it may seem odd," Sam says. "With my getting here so early but not wanting to go with you to pick him up. It's just that I can get a bit emotional and I'd rather not have a lot of people around when I see him again."
"I totally understand," I say, quickly. "You can wait in here if you'd like."
"Thank you," Sam says, as he takes a seat on the couch. "So how long do you think you will be able to have Brian for?"
"Actually I'm trying to adopt him," I say, with a smile crossing my face. "I just signed the petition to start the process yesterday."
"Wow!" Sam says, his mouth spreading into a large grin. "That is wonderful. I wish you all the best."
"Thank you very much," I say. "I wasn't too sure at first, but I'm pretty hopeful it'll get done."
"If you get a judge with half a brain it will," Sam says. "Kevin, I don't know you too well, but from the little I have seen of you I am very impressed."
"I appreciate that, I really do," I say. "Well I better be going. I'll be back in about twenty minutes."
"Okay," Sam says, as he takes a deep breath. "I'll be here."
When I get to the school I park in my usual spot and get out to stand behind the car and wait for the bell to ring. Hearing what Matt had to say at lunch went a long way in calming my apprehension about this little reunion. I am not usually a worrier but it hurts me so much to see Brian upset I can't seem to do much else but worry about him. I want him to be happy all of the time, and I certainly do not want to be the one to cause him any kind of pain. All I can do now though, is just hope that Matt was right. The school bell rings and the usual rush of kids comes flooding out through the front doors. Finally I can't help but smile as I see Brian come out and wave, excitedly when he sees me.
"Hi Dad," he says happily just as he is approaching the car.
"Hey kiddo," I say, he wraps his arms around my waist in his usual hello hug. "How was your day?" I ask, giving him a tight squeeze.
"Okay, I guess," he says. "Do I get to see Sam now?" he asks, wiggling free from our embrace.
"You sure do, he's already waiting in my office as we speak," I say and instantly Brian's face lights up even brighter than it was before.
"Really?" he asks.
"He sure is," I say, nodding my head. "We better go we wouldn't want to keep him waiting too long."
The car ride back to the Sierra Inn is silent, except for the radio. I can't help but be nervous about how this impending reunion is going to go. When we stop at a red light I look over at Brian, who is starring out the passenger side window like he usually does seemingly totally calm. Finally I pull into the parking lot of the Sierra Inn and park in my space only feet away from the door to the lobby. Brian gets out of the car quickly, and I end up following him into the lobby.
"Well there's my favorite sixth grader," Laura says, from behind the front desk as Brian and I come into the lobby.
"Oh Laura, I finished sixth grade along time ago, but I'm flattered," I say, instantly making Brian giggle.
"She was talking to me," Brain says, through a giggle.
"Really?" I ask. "Well I guess that makes sense."
"Hi Brian," Laura says with a grin.
"Hi," Brian says, smiling back at her.
"Laura we'll be in my office for awhile," I say. "Matt can handle anything that comes up," I say expecting Laura to groan.
"Okay," Laura says simply, much to my relief.
On our way into my office Matt who is still working at the break room table doing paper work says hi to Brian, who shyly returns the greeting. I lead Brian into my office where Sam is still sitting on the couch just staring out the window that is behind my desk. Even our coming into the room doesn't get him out the other world he is seemingly in.
"Sam," Brian says quietly, as he stands in front of me with my hands on his shoulders. Sam quickly snaps his head in our direction a huge smile coming to his face the instant he sees Brian.
"Well hello there," Sam says as he slowly raises himself from the couch. "I've been thinking about you a lot young man. How are you doing?"
"I'm good," Brian says.
"You don't know how happy it makes me to hear you say that," Sam says, the smile never disappearing from his face. "Come here, have a seat next to me," he says, as he sits back down on the couch and pats the cushion next to him.
Brian takes a seat on the couch next to Sam, and I pull my chair around to the front of my desk so I am sitting directly in front of both Brian and Sam. I am hoping that this reunion will give me more insight into Brian's life in the weeks leading up to him landing at the motel's front door.
"I have so many things I want to ask you," Sam tells Brian. "How do you like living with Kevin?"
"I like it a lot," Brian says. "Dad is really cool!"
"Dad?" Sam asks, looking from to Brian to me then back at Brian.
"Yeah he's Dad number two," Brian says, quickly.
"Oh," Sam says, giving me a questioning look.
"We talked about how I'm not a replacement for his real Dad, more of just like a stand in," I explain. "So I'm Dad number two."
"I see," Sam says, the smile reappearing on his face. "I think that's really great! So Brian how did you end up at Kevin's motel?" Sam asks.
"P.J disappeared," Brian says, apparently referring to the kid who was pimping him out. "He made me go with a guy, and when I got back to the corner P.J wasn't there. I waited for awhile but he never came back so I started walking. This place was the first place I got to that had a lot of lights. And P.J always said it's safer to be where the lights are, that way nobody will stab you. So I just sat down on the sidewalk outside the door, and then Dad came out to see if I was okay."
I am amazed by Brian's openness his story just seems to be flowing from him with no effort at all. I was expecting him to say very little, while hoping for a lot. I know how guarded Brian can be, but apparently he feels very comfortable with Sam. But even what he has said so far goes beyond my expectations.
"So you don't know what happened to P.J?" Sam asks, in a very serious tone.
"No," Brian says shaking his head. "He just disappeared. Do you know what happened to him?"
"Brian he was killed," Sam says, slowly. "He owed some bad people money, and they killed him."
"Oh," Brian says his voice devoid of any kind of emotion.
"I need to ask you something," Sam says to Brian. "When you said that P.J made you go with a guy did you mean that he made you have sex with guys?"
"Yeah," Brian says, his voice still lacking emotion. "The guys would pay him, and I would have to go with them somewhere and let them do whatever they wanted."
"Oh, Brian I'm so sorry," Sam says, his voice cracking slightly. "I thought that could be happening but I just didn't think it was."
"It's not your fault," Brian says. "P.J made me do that."
"I just wish I had been able to stop that," Sam says, as a tear starts to roll down his cheek.
Brian doesn't say anything he just looks at Sam, and gives him a little smile as if saying everything is okay now. Sam quickly swipes the back of his hand over his cheek to wipe the tears away.
"Brian how often did P.J make you do that?" Sam asks, his voice still a little shaky.
"I had to stand under that street light, every night," Brian says, emotion still totally absent from his voice. "A couple of times there wasn't any guys around to do anything. I don't know how many times it happened."
"I'm so sorry," Sam says again. "How long were you on the street for?"
"I don't know," Brian says, with a little shrug. "I ran away from my foster house two days before Christmas."
"How long have you been with Kevin?" Sam asks.
"Three weeks," I answer for Brian when I see him give another shrug.
"That's almost a month," Sam says. "Brian I know I brought you food, but that was only one time a day, and it was never very much. How did you eat the rest of the time?"
"P.J would buy me food," Brian says. "But only if I did what I was supposed to."
Brian's total lack of emotion as he speaks of his time on the street concerns me. I wonder if he is in some state of denial or shock, or if the feelings he is having are so overwhelming to him that he just hasn't dealt with them yet. I think back on it, and only once has he woken up from a bad dream. His behavior makes it very easy to forget what he has been through. I have taken that at its face value the past few weeks, thinking how special and resilient he is to be able to go through everything he has and come out seemingly with minimal damage. But now listening to Brian actually talk about his time on the streets, with no sadness, no tears, no anything I can't help but think he is burring something.
Sam has the courage to ask all of the questions I never could and I think that maybe he will be able to eventually find out how Brian can be so devoid of emotion when speaking about his time on the street. I never thought Brian would be so willing to talk about his time on the street. But apparently he is more than willing to talk about it, if he is asked he just won't volunteer the information. Sam and Brian fall silent for a moment, and I see an opportunity to ask a question of my own.
"How often did you two see each other?' I asked, wondering why exactly Brian was being so open with Sam.
"I'd see Brian here almost everyday for a couple of weeks," Sam says. "I told you how I first met him in front of that warehouse, well after that first time he was always out there at one o'clock in the afternoon. I would have to sneak him food while P.J, was off doing something, probably drugs."
"I'm just a little confused," I say. "Because when we first met you only mentioned seeing Brian once, and that the older kid had told you to get away before you could help."
"Well that did happen that first time," Sam says. "But the next day I went back to the same spot and Brian was there. He told me the older kids name was P.J and that they weren't brothers, but P.J protected him. I didn't quite believe the protecting part, but I would have never guessed what was actually happening."
"Sam always brought me food," Brian tells me. "And he would talk to me about his daughter and grandson."
"I did most of the talking for the first week or so, but then Brian started opening up a little bit," Sam says.
"How did you find out about what happened to P.J?" I ask Sam.
"Well, after Brian stopped being in front of the warehouse, I started asking around," Sam says. "There was a kid that was hanging out on the same street a lot of the time and he had seen P.J getting hauled off by these druggies. He said he had heard that they killed him because he owed them a lot of money. But the kid didn't know what had happened to Brian. That's why I was so relieved when I saw you guys at the pizza place."
We fall silent for a minute, as everybody seems to fall into a state of reflection. I am getting a clearer picture of what Brian's time on the street was like, but I still have so many questions. I wish I had Sam's courage to ask, but I don't. So instead I sit silently as Brian and Sam pick up their conversation again. Brian tells Sam about his new school, his friends, his skateboard and computer. I listen to Brian describing his new life to Sam, and I can actually hear the happiness in Brian's voice. After over a hour of talking Brian excuses himself to use the restroom, leaving Sam and I in the office.
"That is one amazing boy," Sam says, to me after Brian has left the room.
"I know it," I say, a smile coming to my face. "Kevin I've seen a lot of runaways after they get off the streets. Obviously the seem happier when they have found a home but I have never seen any of them sound as genuinely happy with their new life as Brian does. You're one incredible young man."
"No I'm not," I say, as I feel guilt once again slam into my chest as images of last night in the bathroom float suddenly start flashing in my mind. "Brian is the incredible one. I'm trying my best, to give him what he needs but he is the one that has bounced back so quickly."
"Give yourself more credit than that," Sam says quickly. "Most people wouldn't do what you have done, I can guarantee you that. So if there is anything I can do to help you in the adoption process please don't hesitate to call me. Brian needs you as his father. Or excuse me, Dad number two," Sam adds as a grin appears on his face.
"Thank you," I say, with a smile. "I really appreciate that."
"I'm back!" Brian says, happily as he comes back through the door.
"Well I'm sorry buckaroo but I have to get going," Sam says. "I'm having dinner with my daughter and that thing she calls a husband."
"Can I see you again?" Brian asks.
"What you think you're getting rid of me that easily?" Sam asks. "No partner, now that I know where you are you're not going to be able to get rid of me."
"Good," Brian says with a smile.
"Brian, you keep being good," Sam says. "And I will see you again very soon. Deal?"
"Deal," Brian says, with an enthusiastic nod.
"Mr. Kevin," Sam says, as he gets off the couch. "Thank you very much for letting me see this young man."
"Thank you," I say. "For everything you've done for him."
"I only did the right thing," Sam says. "You know how that is, I'm sure," he adds with a smile.
Sam and I shake hands, and he shakes hands with Brian before heading out for the parking lot. I get my stuff together before Brian and I head out ourselves. Brian is silent on the way to the car but has a very contented look on his face.
"Sam's pretty cool, isn't he?" I ask, as we get into the car.
"Yeah," Brian says with a little smile. "Dad," he says, making me think he is about to ask another of his famous questions.
"Yeah angel," I say, as I back out of my parking space.
"I'm glad I came here," Brian says, making me stop the car in the middle of the parking lot. "I like living with you."
"Angel, you have no clue how happy I am you wound up here," I say. "I can't imagine my life without you in it."
"You can't?" Brian asks, as his eyes again seem to be searching my soul.
"Absolutely not," I say. "You make me very, very happy."
"Cool," Brian says, a large smile spreading across his face. "I love you Dad."
"I love you too angel."
To Be Continued...
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Chapter 21 Coming Soon!!!