Date: Thu, 8 Jun 2000 06:02:04 -0700 (PDT)
From: bardiel13@yahoo.com
Subject: steven and the turners 19

This story contains descriptions of sexual acts between young men.
Although the characters are young teenagers, It doesn't mean the author
endorses or approves sexual liaisons between underage teens or young
men. The following story is just a fantasy. None of this stories are
based on any fact known to the author. If you are not of legal age to
read this, you should leave now. If you do not like stories about
homosexual sex and relationships, you should leave now. If you are of
legal age and like this kind of stories, then keep reading and feel free
to send feedback. bardiel13@yahoo.com.

Important: The story doesn't take place in the US, so don't be surprised
by different seasons and such. The story is copyright 2000 by "Bardiel".
If you copy the story, please leave the credits, and the email address:
bardiel13@yahoo.com. Keep in mind this is my first attempt.

Foreword: I'm sorry for the delay with this chapter. I had a few
problems with my computer and internet connection, but it's all working
now. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I could really use some feedback.
I have to thank someone in particular this time: "ALONE" (you know who
you are) thanks a million for your help and kind words, I will never
forget it. This chapter if dedicated to you.

Chapter 19: Words Unspoken.

"What's that on your neck?" asked Martin with a look of deep concern.

"What's what?" I asked not fully realizing what he meant.

"You know what, the hickey on your neck! Where did you get that?"

I was stunned. I never even thought about Martin and what his reaction
would be. He was looking at the obvious mark on my neck and I was not
sure of how to explain it. What was I supposed to say about it? I could
see both Jay and Mike looking at me, their eyes trying to force an answer
out of me. Everyone was looking at me and trying to figure out where the
hickey had come from. After all, everybody except for Johnny seemed to
have a very good idea how you get one. I had to come up with something.

"We went to a party last night. That's where"

"How?" asked Johnny innocently.

"That's a long story, but I'll tell you later"

"OK" he said without thinking it twice and turned to the computer and
started looking for something to do.

"What party?" Martin kept asking.

"Leave him alone! Why are you so curious?" his older brother asked him.

"I just wanted to know how he got a hickey!

"A friend of mine called last night to invite me to a party and since you
boys were not here, we all went together. Anything else officer or am I
free to go?" I told the young boy.

But that was the exact moment when everything got complicated. I never
imagined that it could happen like that, I never gave Martin that much
credit. But, at the same time, I never even tried to do anything about
Martin and what he had done. Sean walked into the room and even before I
could turn to see him, I saw the look on Martin's face. His eyes were
wide open in a look of total surprise. I knew right then what he was
looking at but I wanted to believe that he wouldn't draw the "right"
conclusions. Before any of us could say something and even before Sean
said hi, Martin ran out of the room, leaving a bewildered audience
behind.

"What's wrong with him?" asked Sean as he turned to look at the rest of
us.

"Why did he ran out like that?" Mike asked. "What's wrong with him?"

I couldn't even think about telling them what was going on. I still
wasn't sure myself the reason why he had ran off like that, but somewhere
inside I was quite certain. How could a stupid mark on my neck and Sean's
suddenly become the clue to what was going on. I tried to convince myself
that he couldn't know the whole truth. He just couldn't know it.

"I'll go talk to him" Mike offered.

"No, please, let me do it" I pleaded with my eyes.

"Why? What's going on?"

"Please, let me do it," I asked again. "Why don't you all go for an
ice-cream while I talk to him"

"YEAH!" cried Johnny as he went right for the front door.

"What's going on?" my boyfriend asked me. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, I just need to talk to Martin."

"OK, we'll go out, are you sure it's alright?"

"Yes, now go, I'll go talk to him"

The three older boys gave me a strange look as they left. It was obvious
that something was going on and Martin's reaction was unexpected. The
look told me that they trusted me but they were not sure why.

I took a deep breath as soon as I was left alone and started going up the
stairs. Every step I took brought me closer to Martin, but at the same
time, it brought me closer to guilt. "How could I let this happen?" I
asked myself. "Why didn't I stop him or say something? Why did I let him
continue thinking whatever it was he was thinking? Why did I ever let him
touch me?" I knew exactly what was on his mind and what he thought about
me and what he did about it. I had chosen to avoid it, convincing myself
that I would deal with it later, and now, almost a year since the very
first caress on my arm, I wasn't any closer to dealing with it or having
some clear idea of what to say.

The house was a little dark, since no one had bothered to open the blinds
during the day. A few moments before, I was in bed with my boyfriend
without a care in the world, and now I found myself wishing that I hadn't
screwed up the poor younger kid. I stood outside his room hearing him
sobbing and breathing hard. He must have been crying really hard and it
was my fault.

I still wasn't sure why he had reacted like that. Had he discovered the
whole truth? At the same time, I couldn't figure out what I was going to
say either.

I knocked on the door but he kept quiet. I did it a second time and
opened it. Martin was on his bed, his face buried in his pillow and I
could see his chest moving irregularly because of the sobs he was trying
to suppress. I walked closer to him and was about to sit right beside him
and pat his back, but then I realized that any kind of contact from my
part would only serve to confuse the situation even further.

I sat on the floor by his bed, facing away from him and tried to come up
with something to say, but I couldn't. It was my fault, not his. He was
only twelve, thirteen in two days, but I was the grown up. I shuddered at
the thought of that. Something wanted to come up out of that line of
thought, but I quickly shook my head and dismissed it for some other
time.

"Why are you crying?" I asked as softly as I could.

"..." silence except for the sobs coming from behind me.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, in silence, both contemplating our
thoughts.

"What's wrong?" I asked again without turning my head, just looking at
the wall.

"Are you and Sean...?" he whispered.

"Why would you think that?" I asked back but he didn't answer.

Again, we both kept silent. I felt terror and fear creeping up on me. He
knew. But this was different. He was too young to know. What was he going
to think about the whole thing? He was very confused. How was he going to
deal with that? How do you deal with those feelings I knew he had when
you are so young? I had to do or say something but I just didn't know
what.

"What are you thinking?" I finally decided to ask, hoping he would put
some sense into the whole situation.

"I'm gay" he whispered. "I'm gay"

"So?"

"..." he seemed to stop to try and figure out what he was trying to say.
"I like you, Steven"

"I like you too, but as a friend. That's all we can ever be."

"Why?"

"Because I'm older than you. Because it can never happen. I... It just
wouldn't be right."

"But you are older than Sean..."

"And it's not right either" I heard myself saying not quite sure of what
I meant. "Martin, you are just confused, you have to give yourself some
time to see if it's true. You have to find someone your own age"

"But I've already found you"

"No you haven't. I should have stopped you the moment you started, I
always thought you were just confused and that it was innocent but I
should have stopped you all the same. You just have a crush on me, you'll
grow out of it."

"I don't want to. I..."

"I don't care. It can't go on like this and it will never happen. If you
think you are gay, that's ok, I'm here for you if you want to talk or
need advice, but it can never happen between us. I'm just too old for
you"

"But why?"

"Because we are not looking for the same things, because it wouldn't be
fair to you, because I would feel guilty. It would feel like I was taking
advantage of you and there's no future in that path."

One of his hands slid closer to my head and he rubbed my face with it,
such a gentle touch.

"Stop that! It's not right. You have to stop thinking about me and go
find someone your own age. There's someone out there for you, you just
have to wait"

"But how come you and Sean...?"

"That's a whole different thing and I don't want to talk about it."

"I... I..."

It seemed that it was taking him a lot of strength to say or ask what he
wanted to say, and I was not helping him in any way.

"What is it?"

"Nothing, I just don't know"

"You have to take some time, you can't just go and fall for the first one
that makes your dick hard, you have to find something in common. You have
to find someone that will like you back. I know this is very confusing
but you just got to forget about me. There's nothing here for you."

"I understand" he said disappointed.

"No, I don't think you do, but you will some day. I'm not going to tell
anyone about this and you have to promise you won't either. Ok?"

"I'm scared..." he whispered.

"I know how it feels, but you are not alone. I will always be there for
you. I'm your friend, if you can accept my friendship I promise I'll
always be there for you. I know how it feels to have a secret you can't
tell anyone. I've been there myself, but you have me to talk to if you
want. I also know that you can't wait to do stuff with someone else and
that you are desperately trying to find that person, but you have to give
yourself some time. It will happen. There is a special person out there
for you that's waiting to find you just like you are waiting for him. It
won't be easy, but you have to keep your eyes open"

"You think so?" he said with a spark of hope in his voice.

"I'm sure. But that person is not me. I know you think you have feelings
for me, but you don't really know me, so you have to get over it. You
think you can do that?"

"I don't know. I really like you"

"I know, but you can only like me as a friend"

"I know"

"I'm going to go downstairs and start making diner, do you want to come?"

"No, I think I will just go to sleep. I'm tired"

"Ok, are you sure?"

"Yes. You won't tell them, right?"

"I won't tell anyone unless you want me to. I promise"

"Ok"

I left his room feeling a mix of emotions. I had finally confronted him
and talked to him about what was going on. I never expected him to know
about Sean or about me being gay, but I had to learn to live with that. I
could only hope that he was going to keep it a secret. I also hoped that
he would understand everything I told him. I knew I had been too hard on
him and that I could have said it in some other way, but I was scared. He
was too young to understand a lot of things and I didn't think I was the
one that could explain it all to him since I was not certain myself.

For better or for worse, it had been dealt with and now I could only hope
that things were going to turn out alright. It was silly of me to think
that everything was going to get magically sorted out, but there was
nothing else I could do. I started getting dinner ready when the rest of
the guys showed up. They were all chatting happily. Mike and Sean came
into the kitchen and stood next to me.

"What happened?" Sean asked me.

"No big deal, he was just jealous that we went to a party, I think he
would have liked to come too" there goes the liar again.

"Really? I thought he had freaked out because of the hickeys. Did he say
anything about that?"

"No, I just told him it was a part of the game we played at the party.
Don't worry about it."

"Is he ok now?" Mike asked me.

"Yes, he's fine. He was just tired so he went to bed early"

"You don't look very good yourself" Mike joked but I was not in the mood
to answer back.

"I know. I'm just too tired. You think you can finish with this? I think
I'd like to go to bed, too"

"Are you sure everything's alright?" Sean asked me obviously concerned.

"Yeah, don't worry about it" I said and I kissed him. "I just want to go
to sleep. Can you take care of everything?" I asked them.

"Yes, don't worry. We'll take care of it. Right Sean?"

"Yes, no problem"

I left the kitchen and went straight to my room. I took my clothes off
except for my boxers and crawled into bed. I was feeling so tired and
overwhelmed suddenly. I just wanted to go to sleep and stop thinking
about everything that had happened. Especially everything I had said. I
wasn't very sure where most of the things I said had come from, but I was
sure I didn't like how they sounded. I needed a good night sleep to help
me relax. Martin was probably already asleep. If I felt that exhausted,
He must have felt a million times worse. I'm sure it wasn't easy being in
the receiving end of everything I said. I felt terrible about the way I
handled it, but at the same time I felt great that it was behind me. But
it wasn't really behind me, was it? There was no way of knowing if I had
helped him understand or if I had only hurt him. I felt a shadow
descending upon me. A shadow I hadn't felt in a long time. And it was
freaking me out. My mind was a mess and I only wanted it to stop.

Sometime during the night, I felt him cuddling next to me. He was getting
into bed with me, but I pretended to be asleep. I was a wreck suddenly
and I didn't want him to get worried. I had to deal with my confusion on
my own. I longed to kiss him, knowing it always brought me comfort, but I
just closed my eyes again and returned to my troubled sleep.

__________________________

OK, I know this was kinda short, but there's a reason for that. I just
wouldn't have been able to stop if I had gone any further. I bet you are
all worried about the ending, too. Next up: Martin's Birthday! How will
he deal with what happened? What will happen in this special day? Will he
finally meet someone? You'll have to wait a little while to get your
answers. Drop me a line: bardiel13@yahoo.com