Date: Sun, 16 Jul 2000 12:37:15 -0700 (PDT)
From: bardiel13@yahoo.com
Subject: steven and the turners 24

This story contains descriptions of sexual acts between young men.
Although the characters are young teenagers, It doesn't mean the author
endorses or approves sexual liaisons between underage teens or young
men. The following story is just a fantasy. None of this stories are
based on any fact known to the author. If you are not of legal age to
read this, you should leave now. If you do not like stories about
homosexual sex and relationships, you should leave now. If you are of
legal age and like this kind of stories, then keep reading and feel free
to send feedback. bardiel13@yahoo.com.

Important: The story doesn't take place in the US, so don't be surprised
by different seasons and such. The story is copyright 2000 by "Bardiel".
If you copy the story, please leave the credits, and the email address:
bardiel13@yahoo.com. Keep in mind this is my first attempt.

Foreword: Thanks to all of you out there! I hope you enjoyed the bonus
chapter, and for those of you who haven't asked for it, what are you
waiting for? Steven and the Turners is not over. I still have a few
chapters left. After that, I will be writing Martin's series, and then it
will be back to Steven and the guys. So you see, there's still a lot more
to come and I hope you will stay with me during the whole time.

Chapter 24: Do you love me?

I took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.

"Leave me alone!" Sean cried from the other side of the door. It was the
first time in a month that I heard his voice, and I could feel the pain
in it. A pain I had caused him. A pain I was hoping he could put behind
and forgive me.

I knocked again.

"What do you want?" He was yelling again.

"..." I was shaking a little, but I tried again. "It's me"

The time between those words and his answer seemed endless. I was still
shaking, and in that brief moment I thought he was going to tell me to
leave, that he didn't want to see me, and I felt so helpless and
desperate.

"What do you want?" He wasn't shouting this time.

"Can we talk? I need to talk to you" Please, talk to me, please.

"The door's open"

I opened the door slowly, and as much as having the chance to talk to him
pleased me to no end, I was scared out of my mind. We never said this was
over, but it could be the result of this encounter. The thought of
loosing him forever was paralyzing. I stood there, and I saw him on
laying on his bed, he wasn't looking at me, and I wasn't sure if I could
really talk to him face to face. Just the thought of looking into his
eyes and seeing all the pain I had caused him was making me have second
thoughts. But the thought of loosing him was too much to make me back
down. I was going to give it my all. I was going to fight for us, even if
the chances were slim.

There was nothing but silence, and I didn't know where to start. I didn't
know what to say, and I was so sorry for all that had happened. I had to
say something.

"I'm sorry." It was the only thing I could say. "I'm so sorry"

He didn't answer right away, and once again, silence filled the room.

"For what?" He said. His voice didn't reveal anything about the way he
was feeling.

"I'm sorry for that night. I'm sorry for unloading on you all that crap.
But most of all, I'm sorry I hurt you"

He didn't answer. I felt that I needed to tell him everything, and hope
that it was enough to work things out. I wasn't sure if that was the way
to fix things, or if there even was a way. I had to try. I had to try and
make him understand how sorry I was.

"I never wanted to hurt you. I can't really explain what came over me,
but I was unfair to you..." I didn't know what else to say, didn't know
how to go on. I sat on the floor with my back against the wall and took a
deep breath. He was still looking away from me, and he was keeping quiet.
Maybe this was it. Maybe it was over, and it was my fault.

But I couldn't let it end like that. I had to try and make it all better.
There had to be a way.

"That night is probably the worst thing that ever happened to me. And it
was devastating. But I don't care how difficult it was for me, all I know
is that I hurt you and I never wanted to do it. After you left like that,
I was so afraid... so afraid of so many things. I wanted to talk to you,
I wanted to tell you how sorry I am, but I was so afraid. I know it's no
excuse, I should have talked to you, I should have done something..."

"What were you afraid of?"

"I thought I had lost you... I thought... that you hated me. That's why I
couldn't talk to you. I was so afraid that you would push me away... I
hate myself for doing it to you and I know I wouldn't be able to live if
you did it to me. I am ... so... so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you. I
wanted to tell you how sorry I am, but... I was so afraid." I was
starting to sob, and it was making it difficult to talk, but it was like
some door had opened and I couldn't stop all the emotions from coming
out. It had been so long, and I had promised myself I would never do it
again, but I couldn't stop it. I started crying like a boy, and felt just
as helpless. "I'm so sorry. I never wanted to push you away like that,
and as much as I tried to talk to you... I was so afraid you were going
to tell me it was over... I don't want that... I don't want you to hate
me... please don't hate me"

And I couldn't go on anymore. I was beyond myself, and all the confusion
and pain of the last month came together, and I felt so bad and hopeless.
I felt so sorry for being such an asshole. The only thing you could hear
was my crying. I didn't want to cry, but I couldn't stop myself from
doing it.

"I don't hate you" he said, and I looked up, and saw him looking at me
for the first time.

"But you should. I was so horrible to you. I treated you like a child...
I said all those awful things. I didn't mean to, but I did it anyway" He
looked down at the floor, and I knew that he was going back to that
night. I knew he was feeling all that pain all over again, and I wanted
to stop him. I wanted to erase the thought from his memory.

"What took you so long?" He asked slowly. He needed an explanation.

"I... I'm sorry. It just that... well... I was just so afraid. I thought
you were going to tell me to go away... that you would say no, and I
couldn't loose you. I don't want to loose you. But I was so scared. I
thought you... I was afraid to see all the pain I caused you. I'm so
sorry."

"I don't want to loose you either" He said in a soft voice, and I could
see the first tear that rolled out of his right eye. It was quickly
followed by another, and another.

I couldn't bare to see him cry like that. I needed to hold him more than
I ever needed anything else. I came closer to him, on my knees, and I
wanted to reach out and hug him, but I was afraid somehow, but I wanted
to. I didn't know if he would want me to, but as soon as I got my arms
half way up, he came down onto the floor and into my arms. We were in
each others arms after such a long time, crying our hearts out. We were
both holding each other for dear life, and having him back in my arms was
the only thing I wanted to do. To feel him close to me. But there still
was a lot more to do. There still were a lot of things I needed to say. A
lot of things that I needed to tell him and I hoped he would understand.
But right then, the hug was all I needed, and we both stayed like that
for a long time.

The crying and sobbing subsided enough, but we never stopped holding each
other.

"I'm so sorry, Sean. I never wanted to hurt you. I want this to work. I
need you. I need you more than I can say. I'm sorry it took me so long."

"I wanted to talk to you too, but I couldn't. I thought you didn't want
this anymore. And I didn't know what to say. I tried to understand
everything you said..."

"Never mind that, it's not important"

"Yes, it is. I realized that you had to figure it out on your own. I was
so afraid to loose you, but I had to wait and see if you would come back
to me. If you still wanted this. I knew you would. I was so sure you
would, and yet so afraid that you wouldn't. I was beginning to loose
hope. All those times when I went downstairs, trying to see if you would
finally talk to me, and you always looked away. I'm so glad you decided
to come up."

"You can't imagine how glad I am"

For the first time since we started holding, we were face to face, and
looking into each others eyes. I could see myself in his eyes, and I
could see that I belonged there. I couldn't resist it anymore, and I
slowly moved my face closer to his. I closed my eyes, and right then I
felt his lips on mine. So soft and smooth as always, and working magic on
my soul. The pain and confusion were banished, and all I could feel was
his lips on my own, connecting our bodies and souls. It was a soft and
tentative kiss. Trying to figure out if everything was ok, if everything
was like it used to. But I broke it off.

"We need to talk"

"What?" He was startled.

"I need to tell you something."

"About what?"

"About us"

"You're scaring me."

"No, please, it's not like that. But it's important. I need to know a
couple of things. I never thanked you for your present. It's beautiful,
but..."

"But what? What's wrong?"

"Well, what I'm trying to say is that things will have to change a bit.
Come sit with me on the bed. I need you to be sure of what you're saying
before you answer."

We both sat on the bed, side by side and still very close. He had a
puzzled look on his face and I knew he couldn't possibly know what I was
going to say, but I needed to hear what he thought about it.

"Sean, look at me." He did. "I love you more than any other person in the
whole world. I never felt like this for anybody else. I can't live
without you, I know that now, and I don't ever want to let you go. I'm
thinking about renting a place, but not just for me, for us. I need to
know that you would be willing to leave with me when you are old enough
to do it. I keep trying to find a word for it, but none of them seem to
fit. I need to know that the ring you gave me is for real. What I mean
is, that I need to know that this is for good. I want to spend the rest
of my life with you and hold you for ever and ever. You don't have to
answer now and I want you to be very sure about this, but that's what I
need to know"

"You really mean it? Are you sure?"

"I am. I haven't been more sure about anything in all my life."

"I do. I don't need to think about it. I would do it right now if I
could."

"It's amazing how you are always so sure about us."

"That's because the only thing on my mind is us. I don't have so many
things to worry about, just us. And I mean it when I say it I would do it
right now."

"That is not possible right now. I wish it was. But there are a couple of
things that we can do right now."

"Like what?"

"I want you to spend every Friday with me. I want you to come to my place
every Friday after school and stay with me"

"That would be great, but what will I tell my mother?"

"Just ask her, I'm sure she will be ok with it." This was a huge chance I
was taking, but now that she knew, I was going to make sure that we spent
as much time together as possible. I was sure she wasn't going to be ok
with it, but maybe she would say yes. She said she couldn't stop us, and
Sean would still be able to sneak out. Maybe she would say yes.

"Ok, but what if she doesn't let me?"

"We won't know until you ask her"

"I'll ask her tomorrow. I hope she's ok with it. What if she asks me
why?"

"You could tell her that we go out o the movies and things like that and
it would be best if you stayed over, but I'm sure she won't ask" I
couldn't tell him that Sarah knew about us. It would have scared the hell
out of him. That was best kept as a secret.

"What's the other?"

"Well, I was thinking that you could stay this weekend at my place. The
whole weekend"

"We have a lot to catch up on, right?" And he gave me that devilish grin
I love so much.

"You could say that" I played it cool, but he knew, and he smiled.

"Did I ever tell you how I love your smile? I missed that smile."

"What do you mean?"

"I had a dream. Someone told me something about my smile. I was very
young. I think it was my father."

"What did he say?"

"When you smile, the world seems much, much sweeter... Something like
that. I knew it then. For real, I mean"

"Knew what?"

"That I couldn't live without you. Without that smile that makes the
world so much better"

We kissed again, and soon, I was on my back and he was on top of me. His
tongue wrestling with mine, both of us desperate to feel each other's
souls through a simple kiss. I could feel my cock growing hard as it
recognized the pressure of his play mate. I know we both wanted to go
further, but it wasn't the right time. Not right then. Not so soon. We
knew we would have time to catch up. Lots of time.

We broke our kiss and he lay his head on my chest like he had done many
times before. I stroked his silky, sandy blond hair with my fingers and
we both kept silent for some time. Just enjoying the closeness, the
feeling of being together.

"I would, you know?"

"What?"

"Well, it sounds pretty lame, but I guess that's the only word for it. I
would marry you if that was possible."

"I would too. And I know it sounds strange to be talking about something
like that right now, but I do want to be with you like that. I'm so happy
to know that you feel that way. I love you, Sean Turner. I love you more
than words can say"

"I love you, Steven Baker. Always have, always will"

We kissed again for a long time. It was like we couldn't get enough of
each other. Only slowing down to catch back our breaths, and go back to
it without saying a word. It was amazing to be holding him again, to be
kissing him like that. I was the happiest man on earth. I had him, he had
me, and I was never going to let go. He is the reason I wake up in the
morning and the reason behind my happiness.

Everything was so clear for the first time in my life. I understood
everything. I understood that sometimes we have love, and sometimes we
don't, but that doesn't mean that you have to stop looking for it. And
that sometimes love can hurt like a deep wound. But if you can heal it,
(and you must), it will just live a scar, a reminder of the bad times,
but even the bad times help the good times feel better. I know that
sounds weird, but every time I remember what almost happened, I can't
help but smile, because I was able to get him back. Because I made the
effort to get him back. Because I fought for us. Because in the end, I
didn't give up. And because he never gave up on me, even when I wasn't
sure myself.

I guess that the saying is true: Where there's love, there's hope.

________________________

So, what did you think of this? Remember, this is not the end. Be sure to
come back next week for a new chapter! Things are back to normal again.
But that doesn't mean that we won't be finding a few surprises along the
way. For any comments: bardiel13@yahoo.com (some of you had trouble with
my e-mail, here you have it in capital letters. BARDIEL13@YAHOO.COM)