Date: Mon, 9 Jul 2007 15:54:50 -0400 From: Kevin Pasion Subject: Summer Situations Chapter 2 Chapter Two ********** By Nivek I've dreamt of him before. I don't know who it was exactly, but the body looks familiar. The face is always shrouded in shadows, but I seen that body, touched it, and cuddled with it before. He's always haunting my dreams. I'm dreaming? __________ Awakened with a mouth pushing air into my lungs and spitting up saltwater, I tried to sit up but a firm hand kept me on my back. The sun still beat on my face, its glare harsh and blinding. I pushed Andrew off me. I know it was Andrew only because I knew those lips very well. Despite the severity of the situation, I got hard. From dying to horny is a feat that most boys and young men can do without even a thought. Leave a sixteen-year-old alone for five minutes in a padded cell and the cloth patterns will make him rise and take charge. Puberty must be Mother Nature's way of getting back at us. "Get off me," I said, turning to my side and throwing up about a pint of saltwater mixed with last night's red wine. "How long was I out?" Andrew didn't answer my question. Instead he took it upon himself to jump onto my chest and slug my right cheek. I can say this about him: he has a left swing like a motherfucker. I saw darkness and then twinkling pink stars for a minute. "Ow," I muttered, pitifully. My erection jumped, but I pushed him off me. "Why'd you do that?" I rubbed my cheek and knew that by tomorrow I'd have a hell of a shiner. "Fucking asshole," he cried, grabbing hold of my face. "Don't fucking do that again!" He squatted on top of my lap, nothing touching me but his hands. I could see his eyes were red and I don't think that it was from the water. Tears mixed with the ocean water and they ran down his face like crazy. "You were down there for like five minutes before I jumped in." He tackled me, wrapping his arms around mine. He rested his head at the nape of my shoulder. His breath came in deep, heaving gasps. He held me hard, like he thought I'd make a second attempt. "Please, don't do that again." He asked over and over until I calmed him down. I rubbed his shoulder blades. From the way he held me, I had a limited area to move my arms about. I shushed him. "Breathe slowly. You'll hyperventilate." I tried to quiet his sobs and it took awhile. When he could finally talk, however, he sounded much better. "I had to go back up twice before I found you." Sobs still hiccupped in his throat. "There was a moment on the shore when I was scared to come get you. I didn't know . . ." Andrew tightened his grip on me like I was the last thing that kept him tethered to Earth. I stroked his hair. "Calm down, Andy. I'm okay. You kept me from drowning. That's all that matters, alright?" I pulled his head away from my neck and placed his on mine. "Alright?" I asked. Eyes sparkling with liquid diamonds, he sniffled. "Yeah, alright, you fucking asshole." I laughed, and touched noses with him. I breathed him in, a scent of late boyhood and drying salt. My erection, which began to wilt earlier, rose with a vengeance, throbbing and mixing fluids with what was already on me. I took a deeper breath and shivered. Andrew tilted his head and leaned in. It began with just a slight grazing of our lips, but soon escaladed to me freaking out about where we were. I moved from him and asked, "Go with me." There was no hesitation in his eyes this time. No more fear. He took my hand and we left for my car. __________ That wasn't the first time I've tried to kill myself; it wasn't even the third. However, it was the first time that I've done it unintentionally. The first time blossomed just days after my twelfth birthday. Deciding I couldn't take all the rehab that my doctors put me through after they got me addiction to morphine, I threw away about forty sleeping pills. Yup, I tossed them right out, into my mouth, and down to my stomach. Afterwards, I got scared and called my best friend at the time and he took me to the hospital. After that incident, I swore to him I wouldn't do it again. However, he swore that he wasn't straight. The second time was just because of the fact that he married a girl two months after we stopped dating. That wasn't a fun one. Nooses give horrible rope burns. The one before my little drowning effort was when I came out to my parents. I still have the scar on my left wrist. Okay, so maybe I'm a tad melodramatic when I get news that I don't like. My therapist said that I'm dealing better with it than his other patients. However, that's pretty much a moot point considering that his other patients were in the State Penitentiary. And most of them were arsonists. I've got to hand it to Andrew, though. He took it better than I imagined him to take it. We went back to the house and he said nothing about my little episode. He asked Laura if he could go with me, too. She replied with an, "I don't care," and went back to reading her novella. I would've liked to drive but he threatened to tell them if I did, so I gave him my keys for the day. Damn it, blackmailed by someone who doesn't even have his driver's license yet. Although, after the walk up the deck to the house and back down to the garage, I got dizzy again and thanked him for driving. He flashed me an evil smile and we left the house for the day. He decided the day for me. He said that he just flat out didn't trust me at the moment, so he'd be watching me for anymore signs. "When we get back to the house," he said, swerving to miss hitting a green Civic, "I'm moving my stuff into your room." "Your sister's not gonna like that," I warned him. He snorted. "It's no problem. I'll just say that creepy cousin's bothering me and I'll just bunk with you. Mom will like that I'm not having premarital sex." "Little does she know that her young boy lost his virginity two years ago," I said. "Hey, a boy's gotta do what a boy's gotta do." We had a semi nice silence. He appeared glad either about saving me or actually driving. While I, on the other hand, pondered his last statement. He's a boy. A BOY. Jesus H. Christ, what am I thinking? It seemed fine when we were younger and now I just feel so fucked up. Besides, as a boy, he did say he just wanted to explore. He never said one word about actually starting a relationship. I mean, I know I'm slutty but do I really want to give it up for every confused teenage boy? It might be fun now, but it'll hurt like hell when I get attached to one of them. So what's a girl to do? "KYLE!" Andrew screamed in my ear. I jutted around, surprised by the sound. "What?" "God, did that water clog your ears?" he asked. "I've been trying to get your attention for fuck's sake." "Sorry," I mumbled. "Kinda got a lot on my mind right now, `kay? Can I just have a couple seconds to think?" "Whatever, man." He fell quiet, again. We drove silently, the sun causing slight mirages on the pavement. I entranced myself to the puddles of water coming towards us then disappear once we're within ten feet. It startled me when I felt Andrew's hand casually fall onto my knee. I looked at it and not at him. His hand is warm and through my board shorts I could feel every hot wave emanating from it. I let him do it for a minute but when I saw that his hand began to move towards me, I picked it up and put it on the wheel. "Drive carefully." He grew huffy. "Fine. If you get to order me around . . . Pack that bowl, bitch!" I smiled and didn't complain. __________ "Why are we here?" I asked, completely stoned off my ass. I got some pretty good dank before I travelled out here, and we smoked probably a quarter trying to find our way to the aquarium. I didn't understand why I couldn't move when we parked in front of the gray building with cerulean blue trimmings on the sides and the huge fountain at the façade. And when I realized why I couldn't move, I was similarly surprised that Andrew drove all the way here with no problems other than a few curb checks. "It'll be fun," he said, smiling a goofy smile. "Come on." We paid at the door to a portly, good-natured woman with a terrific laugh. She gave us two passes. Andrew paid for both of us with the money from the roofing job he took for the summer. He seemed proud of that, considering most of the times that we've hung out, I paid for everything. They had everything from alligators to seals. We read the little podiums' information with difficulty due to the weed. We even stayed for the feeding for the seal pups. He'd never admit it, but Andrew always had a soft spot for animals. Any idiot can see that as he watched. A sparkling of interest glittered in his eyes. When he noticed that I was watching him more than the adorable pups, he smiled. "What's up?" "Nothing," I answered, blushing and cursing myself for finding him attractive in that one vulnerable moment of caring. "I just like watching you sometimes." He blushed and walked off. Feeling like I offended him, I trotted after his footsteps and made sure no one was around us. We were in the shells area, where they gathered all the mollusks' homes from all over the eastern seaboard and put them on display. People were still enamored by the seals and their trainer, so we had the room to ourselves. Except for, that is, the woman who adjust and readjusted the display. Sever OCD has its uses sometimes, but this tiny woman with graying hair did it to the extreme. Her ebony skin complemented her cream colored dress that stopped just below her knees. She looked more like a jolly and weathered teacher of third grade than someone who would spend her lives paying attention to calcium sculptures. "Look, I'm sorry," I told him, as I grabbed his arm and spun him around. "I'm sorry," I reiterated. Andrew sighed. "Kyle, it's not . . . Fuck, I don't know how to say it. What you said made me think. I like watching you, too. I like it when I catch you watching me." He stopped talking and turned his face away from me. "I like it more than I would like to admit it. Sometimes I dream of you. It's always the same dream. It's me and you in a room of rich color, pillows everywhere, and your eyes are on me the entire time. We talk and then we . . ." I blushed. "I've had that dream before, except I'm not in the room, per se. I'm a floating mind and it's your eyes on me." "It could be like that," he said. He was so eager, so hopeful. A part of me, down in my gut, yearned to let him have what he wants. And what I want. What I've always wanted. I want him to consume me until there's nothing left to salvage. I don't tell him this. I can't tell him this. So, I do what I have to do. Not caring any longer that the delicate woman was in the room with us, I lifted his head and saw that hope in his eyes begin to fade. I've been too quiet for too long. He was so young. I knew that. Anyone could see that with that look behind his eyes. He still believes in love so deep and strong that it won't matter to anyone as long as it matters to him and the other person. I held his face loosely so he could move if he wanted to. He didn't. "Andy, I'm gonna ask you again. No more games, I want the truth. What do you want from me?" I expected him to push me away^×to yell gotcha, bitch!^×but he didn't. He focused on me with those haunting eyes and I saw the hope blinking back into life. "I want," he started, "I want . . ." Andrew raised his arms and took hold of my biceps, gripping them tightly. "I want," he said, again. He never finished his sentence, but stepped up to me, and ran his arms up mine, passed my shoulder, traced my neck line, and took my head in his. I fought the urge to move away, to stop like he has in the past. I trembled, shook, and quaked all over. I'm not going to stop. I can't stop. I didn't think he could, either. When his lips touched mine, I neither tensed up to his touch nor loosened to let him continue. The first taste of him was sweet, an innocent flavor. He was untouched. I knew in that moment for it to be true. It scared me that he was a virgin, but I couldn't hold myself back any longer, I responded to his tongue sneaking into mine and closed my eyes to take the kiss fully and wholeheartedly. When we broke away and I opened my eyes, I saw he still leaned in to me and his eyes were still shut. As he recoiled and smiled that goofy smile again, he said, "Your lips are chapped." I laughed. "I have some Chapstick in the car." "It's okay," he said, pulling me to him. "I can fix it." He brought me into a kiss once again and I put myself deeply into it. I opened my eyes in the middle of the kiss and saw the woman smiling sweetly at us and went back to her work. I shut my eyes and melted into his arms. Damn him.