Date: Sat, 01 Apr 2000 20:48:46 -0800 From: Fredric L. Brothers Subject: 'SUMMER WITH VAL" - Chapter 3 (Man/Boy - Interracial) Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. It contains scenes of deep affection between an adult white male and a minor black boy. If you find any of this disturbing, then leave. Please e-mail any thoughts or comments you have: FLBROTHERS@hotbot.com ------------------------- SUMMER WITH VAL ------------------------- By Fred Brothers Copyright 2000 by Fredric Law Brothers (All Rights Reserved) Chapter 3 - Val 1 The ride back home to Oakland is okay, I suppose. I wanna stay some more but mom says she hasta get back home early so we leave. Dr. Greene gives me a big, strong hug when we say goodbye and kisses the top of my head again. I like our visit. Me and mom talk a lot 'bout a lotta diff'ent things. She speaks mostly of her goin' to med school and how I'm gonna havta be very grown up and all when she isn't home which is a lotta the time. Even when she's home, she said, she'll havta do a lotta studyin' and will need a lotta quiet to be able to do her work. It means I'll havta be like good and do a lot more things by myself and take care of myself better. She also talks 'bout other things which don't interest me. And then she asks me if I like Dr. Greene and I say yes, that I like him very much. "He's a very good man," she said. "A very good man, Val. It's too bad that he and his wife had to split and that she took Gabe away to Seattle. It would've been great if Gabe lived here so the two of you could be friends again." "But Gabe is gonna be here in August," I say. "I know. Zack told me. But only for a short time." "No, mommy. He'll be here for a whole month." "Really? The whole month? Who told you?" "Dr. Greene, of course. Silly mommy. He says that Gabe is comin' for the whole month of August - like maybe even more. He says the three of us would do all the things we useta do together and even more. Won't that be great?" "Absolutely! I think it'll be wonderful." Then she put her hand on my thigh and gave me a little squeeze and I smiled at her. I am feelin' real good after our visit with Dr. Greene. I am also feelin' very full from all the food that Dr. Greene gives us for dinner. He's a really very good cook and he makes sure that me and mom stay for dinner and even that I take home some food for my lunch tomorrow. He makes barbecued chicken and burgers of a special type and I love 'em. Louie and Billie also enjoy 'em when I fed them some of the burgers. They're such good dogs. Ya know, they even lick my hooks when they eat the food. I really, really like 'em. "Mom, how come we called Dr. Greene doctor? What's he a doctor of? Is it like the kind of doctor you're gonna become?" "No sweetie. Dr. Greene has a Ph.D. degree. That means he has a doctor of philosophy degree. He is not a medical doctor like I'm going to be studying for. The Ph.D. is the oldest advanced degree in the world and was originally given in the field of philosophy. That's why it's called a doctor of philosophy degree - or Ph.D. I believe that Zack has his degree from Yale in the subject of 18th Century English lit - or maybe its 19th Century - or something like that." "Oh." I don't ask any more questions. I really, really like bein' at his house. It's so big and really comfy. There are so many, many rooms and he tells me and mom that he's gonna build it even bigger. He's gonna build a new 'tertainment center, a new kitchen and a new game room. I think it's gonna be great when it's done. There are so many things t'do at Dr. Greene's house. I suppose he has lots of money. Mom explains that Dr. Greene is a very rich man now. He writes books that sell a lotta copies and he makes a lotta money. And they are gonna make a movie outta one of 'em and he gonna write the movie, which means that he'll make even more money. It must be like wonderful to have a lotta money. When we get to our apartment, I go to my room and I begin undressin' 'cause we have t' get to church early tomorrow mornin'. Mom sings in the choir and she has to get there real early. First I take off my sneakers and sweatshirt and then I lay down on my bed. It's like nice t' have my own room even in this pretty dumpy place. I can get away by myself...and think...and just do what I want to do. Not have somebody watchin' over me all the time. I know that mom is worried about me and cares for me and that she can even love me - but sometimes it's just plain great t' be able t' be myself and all by myself. I do somethin' I do every night - I look at my arms and my hands for a long time. My arms with my hooks at the end. I know it's stupid and that nothin' is goin' t' change wha' happened t' me, but I like t' look at them and t' remember the time when I didn't havta walk around with these stupid pieces of metal and plastic junk hangin' offa me. Bein' with Dr. Green today brings back so many old things to my mind. I think about the old days years ago with me and Gabe and how we'd always play together in his yard and then have lunch together and sleep together at each other's houses. It's like so wonderful. I feel so great whenever I'm over at Gabe's house; everythin' is so nice includin' the grown ups, specially Dr. Greene. Gabe's mom, Mrs. Greene, is okay too. I feel tears in my eyes and before I know it I'm cryin'. I shut my eyes tight but I just keep cryin' and cryin'. I miss Gabe so much. I miss those times we had together so much. Maybe, now that Dr. Greene's home again and Gabe's comin' back for a time, maybe those times will come back again...maybe. I wipe my face on the sheet. When I stop cryin', I open my eyes and the first thing I see are my hooks again. Those lousy, crappy hooks! It's almost two years since the doctors hadda cut off my hands and parts of my arms. I have hooks - shitty, shiny, ugly, metal hooks - not hands anymore. Not hands that people like wanna hold but two cold iron hooks that people stare at. It's two lousy years and I'm still not used to 'em. Two really shitty years and I still think sometimes that I'll wake up one morning and my hands'll be there...that they'll be back again, grow back over the night like it was all nothin' more'n a bad dream. It's so stupid, I know, to think this way but I guess that's what I want more than anything. I wanna have real hands again and I wanna to be a whole boy again...and I want people to like me again...and I want friends to like me and play with me 'cause they wanna...and I like want mommy to love me again. I sit up, get outta bed and begin to take my hooks off. It isn't easy takin' 'em off by myself, but tonight I don't want her comin' in and helpin' me. I want to be alone and do it all by myself. I don't want her makin' those faces and closin' her eyes or turnin' away from me when she has to touch or look at these terrible hooks. I'm able to get off the harness from 'round my shoulders and the hooks just then slip off onto the chair near my bed. I push down the stump coverings from my arms and drop them on top of the hooks. I look down at this pile of stuff and I feel a little sick. Now I know that if I want to do anything I need to do it with only my arm stumps or I must have mom come in and do it for me. I manage to get off the rest of my clothes and leave 'em in a pile on the floor. I know I do this every night but every night I feel sick from seein' my hands restin' on a chair and not attached to my body. I get back into bed and am naked except for my briefs. I look at my arms again. I know I do this like every night and every night they look the same, except maybe they're getting a little bigger - a little bigger and a lot uglier. I rub 'em together and look at the scars at the ends. The scars have faded and don't look as gruesome as they useta. I'm thinkin' about a lotta things from a long time ago tonight. Maybe it's seein' Dr. Greene again that makes all these memories come back t' me so much. But as I look at my ugly stumps, I'm thinkin' back to the day when I see Dr. Whelan for the last time and he takes the last bandage offa my arms and me and mom see the skin that's left and the stumps that have healed and the scars for the first time. I remember how mom like runs outta the room when Dr. Whelan holds up my stumps and she sees everything and the terrible look on her face. I start to cry and Dr. Whelan puts his arm around me and holds me and rubs my back and tells me everything will be all right, I'll be getting' new hands very soon and I'll be able to do almos' everything I did before. I feel so very good bein' held by Dr. Whelan...bein' held by someone...anyone...again. He rubs both my stumps and it feels pretty good. I'm like sittin' in the waitin' room when she comes back and I can't do anything and have a pile of papers on my lap and she tells me she's very sorry and then we leave quick. I remember gettin' my first set of hooks and goin' to rehab every day and tryin' to learn how to do things with 'em. I like remember the terrible pain and the sweat and always droppin' things and all the other people there. It takes a lotta time t' learn t' do things by myself. Goin' t' the bathroom is one of the hardest things to learn and I'm always ashamed when I have someone with me. Some of the people there are in way more trouble 'n me. Some are really, really awful - and gross. There's a kid there where both his arms are cut right off at his shoulders and the nice friendly teen from a motorcycle accident where they chopped both his legs off and one of his arms off. We were real friendly for the time I was in rehab. I'd help him 'cause I had legs and he'd help me sometimes 'cause he had a arm. His legs were cut off all the way near the tops and his arm was cut off right above the elbow. He's good t' be with 'cause he makes lots of jokes and is funny. When his girlfriend comes t'see him sometimes, she'd looks really grossed out by the way he is and he's very sad and cries when she leaves. Later I find out that he killed himself by runnin' his car in a closed garage. I feel real terrible when I hear this. I also remember how my mom never comes to the rehab with me. She always like just drops me off and leaves t' do somethin' else then comes t' pick me up later in the afternoon. When I ask her why she never comes in she says she's very busy and doesn't have time. Yet, all the other kids in rehab have their moms or dads or someone with 'em. And they all seem happier 'n I am and they seem t' learn things faster 'n me.` I think of Dr. Greene and how he seems t' like my hooks...or else they don't turn him off like they do everyone else and how he touches them and holds them. That really surprises me...how he like picks 'em up and holds 'em or puts his hands on 'em and looks at 'em. I really think he likes 'em a lot. I remember him smilin' at me and tellin' me how he don't care that I have hooks now instead of real arms or hands, that I'm still the same wonderful kid I was before and it don't matter to him. But I like care...I care a lot. It makes me feel so different from everyone else and these hooks make me feel like I'm not as good as other kids. I like it a lot how he rubs me so gently while I'm resting with him. He really seems to like me and really tries to make me feel good when I'm with him. I like him a lot. He's a very nice and a very kind man, I think. I also remember that when I wake up from sleepin' on Dr. Greene's chest while the two of us are restin' together I feel that my little dick is all hard. I wonder if that's because he's rubbin' me so gentle - rubbin' my chest and my arm so gentle and nice. I feel his hand rubbin' my chest and goin' over my nipples and also strokin' parts of my harness. And it feels so wonderful. Nobody's ever done this to me before...anyways, not since I lost my hands. I'm feelin' really excited about it and I notice that my little dick is pretty hard while I'm with him and I'm startin' to get embarrassed in case he sees it. And then I notice that his other hand is gently goin' over my arm, and he is strokin' my arm and my pretend hand and wrist. He's like massagin' the plastic and the metal and the cable of my fake hand and the skin and the bones of my real arm. But I like it a lot when he does this - it makes me feel real good even though I can't feel any of his rubbin' of the fake stuff. But when I see him doin' it I am very excited by it. I don't understand why this makes me feel so good but it does. And my little dick is all hard and everythin' and I feel like cryin'. Why is he doin' this? Is it because he likes me or is it because he feels very sorry for me, about me losin' my hands and all and that I'm a cripple now? I like him very much that I hope he is doin' it because he really likes me a lot and wants t' make me feel good and t' be welcome in his house and also t' be comfy with him. And that he wants t' be my friend. I know that I wanna be his good friend...very much. I think that Dr. Greene is a very handsome man. When I look up in his face he's smilin' and his face looks gentle and lovin'. His long hair is redish blonde and is very beautiful and he has a short beard and such very blue eyes. I can also feel the muscles of his body and they seem t' be very big and strong. His legs look strong too and they are covered in the same color hair as on his head. He's tall and is on the thin side and I know that Gabe looks a lot like him though Gabe has all blonde hair. I'm thinkin' about Dr. Greene very strongly...and...and I feel my little dick begin to get hard again. I hear the doorbell ring and this brings me back to where I am...in my room. I guess mom's havin' a friend over night. That must be why we like had to leave Dr. Greene's house so quick after dinner. I really hate it when these guys come over here. I know she's lonely...but so am I. Even when she's around it's like she's not around any more. My eyes begin to tear up again. What's wrong with her? Why doesn't she cuddle me and hold me and make me feel good the way she used to? All she's interested in now is her job...and the money...and goin' t' med school...and sometimes the men she sees. She's certainly not interested in me any more. She even misses that special school program when I get presented with a award. It's the first time I get up in front of the whole school since the accident and I'm so scared and everything. And she's not there. I remember when dad leaves us and she cries all the time and I go over to her and hold her hand and kiss her and try to make her feel better. Then she like smiles at me and hugs me and sometimes she lets me sleep in bed with her and sometimes she makes us special treats. But...but she doesn't like do any of that anymore. It's the stumps of my crippled arms that she can't stand seein'. I know it! I look at my stumps and the scars at the end of 'em again. I'm always doin' this. I don't know why. The scars are so much harder to see since the doc first took off the bandages. They look much better. Still they're like stumps and not hands and they're ugly and disgustin'. I think about Dr. Greene again...and what he'd think and say if he sees these ugly stumps. Will he make me hide 'em the way she did for a while...or still does sometimes? Or will he think they're okay...or will he like 'em? The way he rubs my body today, maybe he'll really like 'em...and maybe he'll even like to rub 'em too. It's sometimes comfy and soothing when I rub the skin and scars of my stumps. It makes me feel pretty good. While I'm thinkin' of Dr. Green and my stumps and rubbin' 'em a bit, I feel that my little dick's gettin' harder in my briefs. This like sometimes happens at night when I do this rubbin' and stuff. I move one of my stumps to lightly touch the material of my underwear coverin' my dick. It's all hard and it feels so great when I rub it so softly. It's so excitin' and so wonderful. It gets me all tingly and makes me feel that somethin' important and very special is happenin' to me. I rub it some more and I feel better and better. I push my briefs down until my little dick and balls are in the open. I sit up with my back against the wall next to my bed so that I can reach my dick and balls better. With one stump I begin to rub my dick and with my other stump I put it on my balls and begin to rub them also at the same time. It feels so very, very wonderful. I cannot totally say how awesome it all feels to me. Not only do my dick and balls feel great but also both my stumps feel amazin' too, and so does the rest of my body. This is such a cool way to make my body feel so wonderful and I can do it all by myself, with no one around to watch out for me and tell me what t' do. I wonder if other guys know about it. My dick is really stiff now and my arm that's under my dick is pushin' up and my arm that's on top of my dick is pushin down and I begin to rub my arms over and under my dick and it's gettin' very hard...and it looks a little bigger than it was last time. I feel that my whole body is beginnin' t' feel like it isn't sittin' here on this bed but almost floatin' away somewhere that's nice and happy and quiet and wonderful. I keep movin' my arms and my stumps over and under my dick and I keep feelin' better and better. My arm that's under my dick is also rubbin' my little ball sack and boy does that ever feel good! I can truly feel my little balls movin' in my ball bag. I feel really great and very happy. I have my eyes closed 'cause it feels so awesome! When I open my eyes and look down at my dick I see what my arms and stumps are doin'. The skin is pulled back a little and I can see the head of my dick. Mom says that the skin's called a foreskin. I ask her once why I have a foreskin and you can't see the head of my dick, and the other guys I'm with in gym you can see the head of all their dicks. Mom says that my dad was born in Europe, in Germany, and that he still has his foreskin and that over in Europe they did not cut off the foreskins of a boy's penis. He is uncir...uncircumcised, mom said. She says it's also called uncut - that's what some people say. He wants me uncut too, so that's why I'm uncut. I used to hate it 'cause I want to be like everyone else and have a cut dick but since I do not have hands anymore and I'm not like everyone else and bein' uncut also makes me different and I like it. I really can't like say about the feelin' so good but soon I notice that I feel like I'm the only thing in the whole world - that me, and my dick, and my stumps rubbin' my dick, are the only things in the whole entire world. It feels just wonderful! I notice there's a strange feelin' building in my body - in my entire body. And this feelin' is the strongest in the area of my dick and balls. And it's getting' stronger and stronger and my stumps are like rubbin' my dick harder and harder and faster and faster and my eyes do not seem to be seein' things anymore (maybe it's 'cause they're completely shut tight and I'm seein' all kindsa fantastic lights) and the feeling is spreadin' through my entire body faster and faster and my stumps are movin' terribly fast and then...then...then...and then my body starts jerkin' all over the bed and my head is thrown back against the wall. It's like I just jumped off the roof of the buildin'. Everythings movin' so fast that I don't see anythin' or feel anythin' except the wonderful feelin' that spreadin' through my body. I'm breathin' very fast and my mouth is opened and getting' very dry and I'm makin' some real strange sounds. I hope mom and her boyfriend don't hear me. I move to I lay down on the bed but my body keeps movin' and my head is bouncin' up and down on the pillow and my hips are movin' up and down even though I'm not rubbin' my dick anymore after I lay down. I'm feelin' totally awesome and great and like I'm also sweatin' a lot. Slowly I begin to return to the regular way I am...my body begins to quiet down and I'm no longer bouncin' on the bed and my breathin' becomes like regular instead of all the pantin' that I been doin'. Shit! This is just fantastic! Just absolutely great! I first found out about how great it is to rub my dick and balls about a year ago. I'm alone in my room and I cryin' a lot. The kids at school are very mean to me today, making fun of my hooks and even askin' me if I ever toasted marshmallows on them. When I get home I go to my room and take those lousy things off as quick as I can. I hate 'em...I hate 'em so fuckin' much. I never want to see them or wear 'em again. I fling them on the floor and crawl onto my bed and begin to cry. I'm layin' on my stomach and lookin' at my arm stumps and I wipe my eyes with 'em. Suddenly I notice that my body is slowly movin' up and down on the bed and I feel that my dick is all hard. It was rubbin' against my underwear and it feels very good. I sit up and take off all my clothes and I see my dick's standin' up. It looks so different when it's this way - way different from when I take a piss. Why's it hard? What's happenin' to it - and what's happenin' to me? I want to look at it close so I put one of my stumps under it and lift it up a bit. It feels good when I touch it and I slowly begin to rub my stump underneath my standin' dick. It's feelin' better and better the more and more I rub it. I take my other stump and begin rubbin' it on top of my dick. So now I have both stumps workin' away on my dick and like pretty soon I begin to get this real strange feelin' all through my entire body. What's happenin'? What's happenin' to me? Am I okay? Why is this happenin'?" But it feels so good that I don't want to stop and I continue doin' it and pretty soon my whole body begins to jump around the bed and I can't think of anythin' but my dick and balls and how great it is to rub 'em real hard. Then, after that time, whenever I like feel kinda crummy and there's no one t' hold me or make me fell good, I go into my room and do this same thing to myself and I always feel so great afterwards. It's like my body is tellin' me somethin' and it wants some lovin' from me. After this time of makin' love to my body, I begin to think of Gabe again and what he'd say if he finds out that I was so stupid as to touch a high power electric line and burn my hands to a lousy crisp. Burn 'em so bad that the docs have to cut both of 'em right off. How can I ever see Gabe again or talk to him or play with him ever again? He'll think I'm the biggest, dumbest duffuss ever and won't want to be seen with me. That's when I remember that Dr. Greene gives me Gabe's telephone number up in Seattle. Maybe I should call him now...and speak to him...and tell him about everything that happened...and how lonely I am...and how great it was to see his father again today...and the two dogs. Maybe it's better if he knows everything and if I don't have any secrets from him. It's been so long since I talk with him or see him and maybe he's forgets all about me or doesn't care what happens t' me or even if I'm still alive. But then I think what a really great friend Gabe was when we were growin' up together and how we always useta stick up for each other at school or when we play with other kids and I know that Gabe is still my friend no matter what. I decide to call him. I have my own telephone in my room. Mom promised it to me when I was in the hospital. I get into my pajamas before I call him. I pick it up with my two stumps and put it between my head and my shoulder. It isn't that easy to do but the phone in my room is wrapped with a sticky stuff so that it don't slip when I hold it. I have Gabe's telephone number on a slip of paper and I pick up a pencil with my mouth. I hold it so that I can press the numbers with the eraser end. It works fine and soon Gabe and I are talkin'. We speak for about twenty minutes. Really, I do most of the talkin' and Gabe does most of the listenin'. Actually, I do a lot of cryin'. I talk and talk and talk...and cry and cry and cry...more than when I go to see that therapist person every week. Gabe is a very good listener and I really think that he is interested in me and what I have to say. I tell him all about what happened to my hands and the hospital and the doctors and the rehab and the hooks that I now have instead of my hands. I tell him what happened when I came home from the hospital and how mom didn't want t' hold me or cuddle with me or even look at me any more. I tell Gabe some of my deepest secrets...things I never tell to anyone else before. I feel real, real great speakin' to him and tellin' him all this stuff. He's very upset (that's the word he uses - upset) to hear all about my hands and the hospital and the rehab and the hooks and all the troubles I have and about my dad leavin' me and my mom and all. He's interested in everything I say and he tells me that he's still my very good friend and he's very anxious to see me when he comes down here for his visit. He says that we'll like be spendin' a lotta time together and we'll be doin' a lotta things. He even tells me that I can stay at the house with him and his father. He makes me feel very, very good. He tells me not t' worry and when we'll be together again everythin' will be the way it was before he moved away and before they had to amputate my hands. Everythin' will be great again! And I believe him. And when I hang up I'm real happy once again and know that this has been a very good day for me. Seein' Dr. Greene again and knowin' that he's home again here makes me feel great because Gabe'll be here soon and I know that I'll have a real good friend near and I'll be able to talk to him and tell him everything that's botherin' me. It'll be better'n the shrink. I can't wait 'til August. All of a sudden mom is callin' me and askin' me if I want to visit with Dr. Greene tomorrow. I run into the livin' room and shout loud and nod my head very strong that I want to go and visit with him. She says he wants to speak with me and puts the phone between my head and my shoulder. We speak for a minute or so and he tells me he's very happy that I'll be spendin' tomorrow with him and when we say goodbye he says somthin' that absolutely knocks me out. I almost drop the phone I am so stunned. He says, "Good night, my beautiful Val." I give the phone back to mom and I slowly walk back to my room. I feel like...I feel wonderful. I feel like I do after I finish playin' with my dick and balls. It's like I'm floatin'. I hear mom and her man speakin' together in her room. I think I know his voice from the church we go to - he's also a member of the choir. But I'm really only thinkin' about what Dr. Greene says to me. "Good night, my beautiful Val," he says. "My beautiful Val." He calls me his beautiful Val. "Beautiful." I cannot believe he really says that but he did...he did...I'm certain I hear him say that. I get into bed, crawl under the blanket and close the light and try to go to sleep. I cannot believe how happy I am. I'm smilin' so much that my face is beginnin' t' hurt me. And the tears are runnin' outta my eyes. I bring the sleeve of my pajamas up to my face and wipe my eyes with the stump of one of my hands but I'm continuing to cry and smile. Dr. Greene says that I'm beautiful...I cannot get over that! He says I'm his beautiful Val...beautiful Val...his Val...his beautiful Val..me...that I'm...his beautiful...and I'm his...his...his beautiful...Val... To Be Continued...