Date: Sat, 08 Apr 2000 10:55:37 -0700 From: Fredric L. Brothers Subject: "SUMMER WITH VAL" - Chapter 4 (Man/Boy) Disclaimer: The following story is a work of fiction. It contains scenes of deep affection between an adult white male and a minor black boy. If you find any of this disturbing, then leave. Please e-mail any thoughts or comments you may have: FLBROTHERS@hotbot.com -------------------------------- SUMMER WITH VAL -------------------------------- By Fred Brothers Copyright 2000 by Fredric Law Brothers (All Rights Reserved) Chapter 4 - Telephone Calls After Elise, Val and I finished our dinner, they left to drive back to Oakland. I sat in the family room and thought about the day just passed. I found myself getting very weepy when I let myself think about Val and all his current problems - both physical and psychological. This poor ten-year-old boy was facing the fact of living the rest of his life in a crippled condition - and a very noticeable crippled condition at that. I just felt so terribly sorry for him. His handicap and the prospect of being shunted aside by society will probably severely limit his future. That's what our society does with people who are less than our unattainable ideal of perfection. The whole outlook for Val made me very uneasy and, I must admit, slightly queasy. I felt awful for this terrific, bright and very handsome kid, who had so much going for him, yet would probably not achieve anything near his potential. I began wondering if there was any way I could help him - possibly with his schooling or maybe getting him fitted for those...what did Elise call them? Myo...myoelectric hands...that's it...myoelectric hands. I wondered if she would let me help Val in any way I could. She may be too proud (or stubborn) to accept my help. I'd have to explore the possibilities. I also had another problem that I had to face, and this one was far more serious. It was the fact that I found myself being drawn - highly attracted to, if you will - to Val. I was fascinated at first by those shiny stainless steel hooks. What was their appeal? What was my secret and heretofore unexpressed (and to me, completely unknown) feelings for prosthetic limbs? Then I felt myself being attracted to Val's wonderful, caring and pleasant character. The kid had certainly matured and had become a fantastic youngster. And soon, much to my astonishment, I found myself being fascinated by his entire body - his appearance, his unique aroma, his alluring presence. It appeared that I was simply and irrevocably attracted to him - to this kid! Well, he is more than a kid - he is a fabulous person. I found him to be rather sexually provocative and very tempting. I didn't understand why this was happening and why it was so. True, I had been with many men in my sexual adventures (or, if you will, misadventures) over the years, as well as with many, many women. But I had never felt any kind of stirrings or urges or desires to be with young teens or prepubescent boys - absolutely none at all that I could recollect. This was the first time anything like this had occurred. I knew something strange was happening - and that quite possibly I was entering a new (and as yet completely uncharted and very scary) phase of my life. Val's problems! My problems! Shit! It was just too daunting for me to think about all of this right now. I was getting a headache. However, I knew that I would need to spend time and effort trying to solve poor Val's difficulties sometime in the very near future - and to also tackle mine. But was Val's situation really a problem? Or, as an adult, was I blowing this up out of proportion? Kids have a knack of adapting - of getting used to situations much more readily than we adults do. They have the capacity of being able to solve problems very easily and quickly by cutting to the heart of the matters. And Val was such a resourceful kid; if anyone could overcome a physical handicap and triumph, it would have to be him. So why hasn't he? Why? Why does the kid seem so lost and forlorn? What is the matter? Is it Elsie? Is she the reason? Is she preventing him from adjusting to the situation? Doesn't she offer him adequate support? He played soccer now and I understood that he was very good, or so she had said. He also began playing basketball. This I had difficulty believing and Elise promised to invite me to a game during the season. And he had been seriously considering taking up track events, particularly sprinting, until the school canceled the track team as a cost saving measure. But what could I make of my problem - my physical attraction to this boy? It was most strange and so unlike me. Over the years I could remember myself being drawn to various women or men I had just met for the first time, and this time, with Val, the feeling was very much the same. Why? What caused it? This one needed some real deep thought - and some concentrated reflection, neither of which I had the time (or the energy) for now. I finished cleaning up in the kitchen, locked up the place, turned on the outside lights and the alarms. I walked slowly upstairs to my bedroom, while Louie and Billie followed. I had decided to call Gabe. A conversation with my son usually put me in a good mood and I thought that I might mention Val and maybe drop a hint or two about my physical (and psychological?) reaction to this boy - this ten-year-old boy - my own son's former best friend. Gabe's mother (my ex) answered the phone and we chatted amiably for about two minutes. She wanted to know about the house and everything concerning it and I told her in the most succinct way possible. If we spoke any longer than a minute or two I knew that we would get into a fight. It always happened with us. She would automatically reach for and press one of my hot buttons and I would be off and running - and logic be damned. She put Gabe on the phone. It was great talking to the kid - he was such a terrific kid - so charming and intelligent, so cool, seeming so much older than his ten years would indicate. He told me about school and how everything was winding down for the upcoming summer. He mentioned that Maryann (that's my ex-wife) was seeing some new guy who was very young and that he had a boat and they had gone sailing on Puget Sound. I told him about moving back into the house, about how Louie and Billie were readjusting to their new/old surroundings, about my new job at the university, about how things have changed in the Bay Area...and about Elise and Val visiting. "How's Val doing?" Gabe asked rather hesitantly. "How's Val doing," I repeated. "I supposed he's doing...okay. He's had some real bad problems...some real, real bad problems recently and he..." "Okay, okay, dad. Let's stop playing cat and mouse and lets cut the crap. You can say it. I already know." "K-k-know what?" I stuttered out. "I know that Val's lost his hands in a horrid accident - that he had to have them amputated and also parts of his arms and he has stainless steel hooks now as replacements." "How did you know?" I was rather stunned! "How did I know. How did I know? Let's see. How do you think I knew? Maybe it's 'cause I jus' got off the phone with him. You gave him my number, didn't you? Well, he called." "He called?" "He called! He called 'round a half-hour ago and we spoke for twenty minutes. I'm real happy you gave him my number. And I'm not sayin' this as a joke, dad. I really am glad he has the number now and he can call me anytime and I can call him." "I'm so glad you spoke with him, Gabe. How did he sound to you?" "How did he sound? He sounded terrible, that's how he sounded. He was absolutely miserable. He was cryin' and blubberin' and sounded just awful." My worst fears were realized. "I was afraid of that." "What do you mean?" "Well, he put on a very brave face today; you know, that he's adjusted well to his situation and all. But underneath, underneath it all, I had this nagging feeling that things are just not right. I think - among other things - I think that there's terrible tension between Val and his mother. And judging by what she said to me, I think she hasn't adjusted well. Frankly, Gabe, I think she's repulsed by his appearance. I think she shuts him out." "Well, dad, according to what Val's told me, I know things are not right! He's a very frightened kid. He's totally unsure of himself, feels very helpless, especially around her...he's embarrassed to do anything when she's around...and, I must be truthful with you, he sincerely feels that she doesn't love him anymore. He feels he's all alone. And I think he is. He's very frightened and lonely." "From what university do you have you psychology degree, 'Dr.' Greene?" "You can cut the jokes dad. The kid is very...very...shit, I don't know the word I want." "Gabe! Did I hear you say what I think you said?" "Okay, okay. So sue me! Punish me long distance," he said with more than a touch of venom in his voice. "I think the word is...yes, it's 'fragile'. Val is feeling very fragile now. His mom, even though she's not with him most of the time now, will be goin' to med school in a month and he feels abandoned again. I mean, his father abandoned him and now his mother is goin' t' do the exact same." "His mother is not abandoning him, Gabe. She's only going to school." "Bull!" he exclaimed. "Med school is more than full time work...she'll barely be home at all. And what's she set up for him? A lousy look-in by a bunch of stupid neighbors? I think she trying to palm off her responsibilities to him." I could not believe this was my son speaking. "Hello? Hello?" I repeatedly asked. "Is this Gabriel Lawrence Greene I'm speaking to?" "Yes, dad. This is GLG. Now cut the crap and listen to me carefully. I'm bein' very serious. The kid is really hurtin'. I mean he is really hurtin'! He gets nothin', accordin' to him, absolutely nothin' from her in the waqy of love or understanding. Dad, I really hate to say this but when you held him on your lap this afternoon, you probably gave him more love than he's had...honest, dad, more love than he's had in his life all year." "He told you about that?" "Yes, dad; he did...not in so many words but it was strong in what he said. How do you think I know about it? Jeez! He mentioned that he fell asleep while resting on your chest and that you smiled at him and that you kissed him on his forehead. He was very, very impressed what you did." Gabe was silent for a few seconds. "He said he loved it very much, that his mom never held him or cuddled him or paid him any attention except to take care of what was absolutely necessary." I didn't know what to say to my son. I was so confused by what was happening. I felt so sorry for Val and so drawn to the terrible situation that this beautiful kid was in. Was it only compassion and pity I was feeling...or was it possibly something much more than that? I was silent for a few seconds. "I think...I think you're completely right Gabe." I was silent again. "But...but what can I really do for him? Really, what can I do? I cannot take over the role of his mother...can I?" "Well, I guess you'll just have t' think about it for a while and see what you can do, won't you? Whatever you decide, I know it won't be easy 'cause the kid is really messed up and in my opinion it's getting worse with each passing day. I mean, he sounded like he was really coming unstrung - he cried most of the time we talked." "Oh, Christ. It was that bad?" "Yes, it was that bad. I couldn't believe wha' he told me and all in that short telephone call. I'm gonna to call him back tomorra night and continue what we spoke 'bout." He paused ominously before beginning again. "I...I don't know how t' tell you this dad, and I don't know if I should even say anything since...since...'cause Val told it t' me in strict confidence. I'm not supposed to tell anyone, especially you, but Val...Val has even thought about killing himself once or twice during the last coupla years." "What!" I practically screamed into the phone. "Tell me you didn't say that, Gabe." "I'm sorry, dad. I know I shouldn't have said anything, but I really thought you oughta know. For Val's sake." "For all our sakes," I muttered under my breath. I told myself to calm down. I didn't need to fly off the handle with my own kid who was trying desperately to help his little friend. It also struck me how incredibly adult Gabe was behaving - how he reacted to all this crap suddenly being dumped on him and how well he was behaving. "Gabe, thanks for telling me this. You were very brave...and a damned good friend to do it; I really appreciate knowing." "You're welcome, dad. I only hope that you can do something to help him; he really needs it z lot. I think the situation is getting really terrible! Can you do anything for him? Please?" "I'm certainly going to try...try and do something...and I'm not going to wait until you come down here in August." "July." "What's July?" "I'm gonna be coming down in July...not August." "I still don't know what you mean. I thought you were going to camp in July, then coming down here in August." "Change of plans, dad. Forget camp! So I've been told. I think you'd better speak to Maryann to get the latest scoop. Shall I put her on?" "Might as well...lets get it over with. Gabe, I'm going to call you again tomorrow night. Is that okay." "Sure, dad. You know I always like talkin' to you." He paused before speaking again. "Are you gonna do...you know, do anything about Val...and try to help him through his...his problems...and what's bothering him? I think we owe it to him, don't you?" "Absolutely! I'm going to try to do everything I can. I assure you I'm going to do my goddamnedest." "Y'know dad, when Val told me about the incident...and how he didn't have hands anymore...and how he now has metal hooks...I though I was going to vomit, you know, I though I'd absolutely vomit on the spot." "I know what you mean. When I first saw him at the front door and he reached out with those hooks...with his prosthetic hands...I though my eyes were playing tricks on me. I couldn't believe what I was seeing and that this was Val...your old friend and playmate Val...and that Val was now a cripple. But truthfully Gabe, he seems, deep down, to be the same great kid he always was when the two of you would be racing through the house. I really think he can be made...right again...with our help." "I hope so. He really needs our help and I'm ready to do anything I can. I'm just pissed that I can't be there right now to help him." "I think you'll help him tremendously by speaking to him regularly and I'll try to get some plan into operation tonight. I love you, Gabe. I love you very much, and thanks for telling me what you did." "I love you too, dad. I love you very much. Let me get Maryann." My ex got back on the phone. She explained, in her own inimitable style, how she had met this new guy and they planned on getting married on the July 4th Weekend and how it was not going to be possible to send Gabe to camp since she will need all the time, and the money, to plan for the wedding. I didn't say anything - just the occasional "Uh huh" and "Yes". She went on and on giving me much more information than I wanted or needed. "Okay, lets cut to the chase, M. You're really saying that you are not willing to spending any money for Gabe to go to camp. Right?" She was silent. "I need what I have, Zachary." Oh, Christ! I fucking hated when he addressed me by my full name. I knew I could not get a fucking thing passed her. "I have a big wedding to plan," she continued. "I need to husband by resources." Husband her resources? Husband her fucking resources? "Calm down, Zack...don't let her get to you because that's exactly what she wants!" "Okay, okay, have it your way!" I said with a rather false air of calm. "When do you want me to pick him up, Maryann?" "I'd like him to out of here...uh...I need you to come and get him by the last weekend in June. Is that okay with you?" "Fine. Just fine." I hung up the phone - none too gently. "Small change in plans. Gabe will be here the entire summer. Okay. That's not too bad - not bad at all. We'll have the entire summer together - very nice. After two weeks of teaching that summer class I will be completely free. Yes! It will really be great; Gabe and I will have the whole summer together. This should be great." Then I thought of Val...and what, if anything, I should, or could, do about him - or for him. I really didn't want to interfere with his home or family life because I'm sure Elise would be very wary of anything I'd try to do. Maybe I could have him spend some time here at the house...a few weekends or so. That would give Elise a bit of a break and give her time to relax or get her second wind or whatever she needed to get. It would also let Val have a break from his mother. Maybe they could appreciate each other more if they had an occasional break from being with the other all the time. It would also let Val get out of the city. When I thought of what Gabe had told me - that Val had actually considered taking his own life - the gravity of the situation became more and more apparent - and more and more urgent. I knew I needed to do something - that I would not be able to sleep tonight if I didn't put some kind of plan or take some action immediately. I needed to help this kid - but what could I do? I was mindlessly watching the late television news when the lead story was another of these senseless, mindless mass killings - this time in Michigan. "God! When will we stop killing our own," I thought. "What wanton stupidity! Why is it always US and THEM? Why can't it be just be US?" Before I knew it, I was dialing Elise's telephone number. I knew I must do something to break the pattern that Val was in - that we thought he was in - that was unsettling him so much, according to Gabe, and to act immediately. "Hi Elise, it's Zack," I said when she answered the phone. "Just wanted to know you got home fine and had no problems." "Yes, everything is fine Zack. The drive was okay and we're just getting ready for bed. Val and I want to thank you for everything today." "You guys are very welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed your day here." "We did. Val was 'specially happy. He had a great time with you, Zack." I paused here, not really knowing what to do next. "Elise, are you doing anything tomorrow?" "Well, after church, I'm going to the nursing home to see dad then I have to work in the afternoon and probably into some of the night - getting things ready for Monday in court. That's the usual pattern. Why?" "Well, I'd been wondering if you wanted to...you know, wanted to spend the day here. The weather is supposed to be beautiful. But since you said you have to work..." "Yes I do. But...but..." I was sure she covered the mouthpiece on the handset but I heard her calling Val's name rather loudly. Then I heard the kid squealing in the background. "I just checked with Val and he said that he'd love to spend the day with you. I think you can hear him celebrating. Is that okay with you...I mean, having Val by himself and not me around?" "Yes, yes! That'd be great!" "This way he doesn't have to be home by himself most of the day and always having a neighbor checking on him every half-hour or so." "Sure...sure. It would be great! Does he really want to?" "Can't you hear him? He's ecstatic! He is really very anxious to be with you, Zack. I'll drop him off about twelve-thirty, if that's okay." "Yeah. Sounds great. See you then. Good night, Elise." "Good night, Zack. Oh, wait! Val wants to speak with you for a sec." Val got on the phone. "Hi Dr. Greene." "Hi Val. Howya doin'?" "I'm doin' m-m-much better since we spent the day together today and I know that I'm gonna spend tomorrow at your house. I feel great now!" "I'm very happy to hear that Val. I think we'll have a good time together." "I know we will, Dr. Greene." "Think of anything you'd like to do. Okay? This way we'll save time tomorrow trying to decide. Okay?" "Yeah. That sounds really awesome!" "You have a real good night sleep now, ya hear Val?" "I don't know," he said rather glumly, and my heart sank. "Because...because I'm so...so excited about seein' ya again...and doin' somethin' with ya tomorrow, that I-I-I don't know if I'll like be able to fall asleep." "Well you try very hard. Okay?" "Yeah!" he said with great enthusiasm. "Good night, Dr. Greene and thanks for thinkin' of me." "You're welcome. Good night, my beautiful Val." I hung up the phone. I didn't know what to think. My mind was still reeling about what Gabe had told me. Did I do the right thing? Of course I did. But I still had a bushel of lingering doubts. Would Val really want to be with me for a whole day? With no other kids or anyone else around? At least I had rescued the poor kid from spending another boring day alone at home. If nothing else, I at least promised him a nice day away from the city - a day away from Elise - a day of relative freedom. I felt proud of what I had done. But was it really right? Was my sole motivation in extending this invitation to try to help Val...or were there other reasons? Hidden reason...reasons that I did not want to admit to myself...that I did not want to say openly. And then it dawned on me - I realized what I had done...what I had said! I became conscious of what I said to Val when I signed off our call. "Beautiful! I called him beautiful! My beautiful Val. Christ all mighty! What must he be thinking of me? What must be going through the poor kid's head now? This is awful! He is probably so totally confused...and upset." "Well, nothing I can do about it now. It's been said. Maybe he didn't notice it. Maybe he just didn't notice. Or...maybe...hopefully... he'll forgive me." To Be Continued...